Airship Mauled

by Darkonshadows

Chapter Nineteen, The Whimsical Witch of Even: Little planning.

-Snickers-

“I swear if you weren’t cute and so sure that we were heading somewhere important, then I would have ditched you long ago. More likely I would have put you in a cage for your own protection so that you didn’t endanger yourself by going into dangerous places like Fright Night Mountain. This place is full of monsters, like those wendigoes that nearly froze us to death or the giant cave spiders that tried to drag us into their lair.” Pretty takes scary so well, I’m sure this was right way. Feeling of bond be big this way. “I have no idea why you have me climbing this mountain, but no sane ‘thinking’ being would want to live up here. As such I’m absolutely quite sure that there is nothing up… here?”

“Coo!” Feeling in direction of above cave, look like a big scaly breathed on it.

“Why do I get the feeling I’m going to regret this?” Pretty no be sad! Pretty should be happy, she very strong. “The residents certainly don’t look friendly if those cannons are sign that we shouldn’t… hey wait!”

I fly for above cave, find bond kitty now!

-Fizzle-

“Okay let me get this straight, we came here with Daring Do for little to no reason at all to basically play highly disruptive tourists.” The others nodded in acceptance at my word, even Sugar was nodding. I think it was about time to go on a tirade about all this. “Daring Do is actually doing something with a goal in mind here. We’re here for no other reason to sate our curiosities, pick up souvenirs and mess with a cult full of dangerous batty ponies. Not to say we aren’t insane ourselves, I mean a dragon running a taco cart is the least sane thing we’ve seen since we’ve got here. Otherwise this place feels dull, then again I’ve been underground for the last few days stuck inside a mountain without sunlight.”

“You’re point being Fizzy?” Jade spoke up while we followed mom through the stony streets of Fright Night Grotto City. Glowing moss certainly kept this place lit well enough for Jade and her mother, but I and Jacky didn’t quite have their eyesight.

The thestrals that saw us wandering around didn’t really seem to be out to get us, unless they were from Hollow Heart’s ODD group and even then we were all calmly moving about in this city built on dark principles. In this case I’d say something good came from something bad.

The bad would be the cult and its cultists, likely dedicated to the world ending. The good would be that the civilians were a largely neutral party to us. Prime and his rebels were a grey to good area, I don’t think Hollow Heart takes their peaceful protests very well though. Jade kind of gave Prime’s faction a good boost with that prophecy of hers, still had no clue what the beginning of it meant though.

“Well since we’ve got here Jade made a stupid plan to just waltz in and get captured, there was the thing with the water, Jade specifically almost being killed by a golem multiple times. Sure the card games were fun, but I didn’t expect to get captured or dragged into all the weird stuff Jade got up to. Not that it was a bad thing or wasn’t fun.” I was not about to say that ponies weren’t weird, because ponies could be absolutely mental at the best or worst of times. Even I someday could be as crazy as these bats, they lived on a mountain surrounded by all kinds of danger. At least the place was well defended and getting in by airship was just as hard as climbing the mountain itself. “Now we’re helping an organization named EVEN steal and possibly dispose of a tank meant for performing at parties, but is now weaponized by Hollow Heart for war. I wonder why we are still here and what exactly are we doing with our lives if we’re this bored to stick around. We could have just stayed home and played O&O you know, but no, we’re here risking our lives on something that doesn’t matter to us in the long run like stealing that tank.”

“Yeah, well, helping out Tarsus didn’t matter to us in the long run either and it turned out great for him.” I wasn’t about to let that comment go unchecked.

“Yeah, with you almost becoming paraplegic Jade.” My words were met with a mellow lazy look. How can Jade be so calm about that?! “I’d say it turned out swell in that sense. At least no one we care about was permanently injured.”

“What about Mr. Soricini?” While asking this, Jacky turned around and started to walk backwards. The back of her head promptly hit a sign, the impact swung it upwards. When it was coming back down, one of its chains broke. The sign plowed its way into Jade’s face knocking her on her back. Jacky started rubbing at the back of her skullcap. “Ow.”

“You two okay?” I loved our mother Kuril, but it was kind of clear that Jade got the worst of that interaction with Blackcap’s luck.

“We’re fine, at least I am.” Helping Jade get up, I saw a small bump on her head that looked like it would become a nasty bruise. “If Jacky can live with being unlucky, then I can live with my sister causing me pain and not liking ninjas.”

“Continuing with Blackcap’s question, nobody we cared about was hurt worse than Jade was.” Having someone do so much for you was a bit awkward, I mean Jade was going above and beyond in trying to figure out how to fix my horn. The jackalope, the hydra and even Maries shed skin and fur. She had been looking for solutions to my broken horn and she better keep good on her promise to live while doing it. “In any event, why are we doing all this? Prime came to warn us off and to leave the mountain before we got hurt by the ODD faction.”

“For fun, profit, friends and the entertainment value my favorite filly. If Daring Do is ready to leave, I’d like to think that she’ll at least tell us or warn us that she’s ready to go. Until then, this isn’t a business trip for us like it is for her. Even if kitten is actively trying to get herself killed by what amounts to the local mob bosses sleazy right hoof backstabbing jerk who should have been a rock star with how shrill and loud his voice gets.” After saying that mom smiled at us warmly and turned to continue walking, she idly patted Sugar sitting on her left shoulder as we made our merry way towards the barracks and R&D sector of the cultists underground city sized lair. “I’m just surprised we found a thestral named Macaroni that was civilian with EVEN leanings. I’m so glad she’s willing to help us too, she’s such a nice thestral to help free agents like us.”

“We’re still using that term literally I see, we’re not exactly being paid to do this you know.” I commented blandly with a bit of annoyance seeping into my voice.

“No, but I did make a good point about Prime not doing this personally. Hollow Heart is setting a trap for him and we’re the ones that get to spring it, isn’t that just exciting? I thankfully managed to convince him that I had a perfect plan for stealing the tank too.” Mom, your plan was about as good as the ones Jade is known to come up with. Like just walking into the monastery while she distracts everyone. That turned out so well too, only half the monastery had caught fire and one of the towers was knocked down as an end result. I’m still surprised no one died. “Come on Fizzle, lighten up. EVEN has had one of their ninjas following us since we left. I think it is Back Stalk, but I don’t care if he’s watching us. We also don’t need to be paid to do this stuff, we can steal what we want while we’re on the job and nobody will bat an eye at us.”

“Yeah, he’s not as stealthy as he thinks he is, but I think that’s mostly because Jacky’s curse is making him as loud as a horribly off key singing moose with a megaphone despite his best efforts.” We heard a crash behind us, Jade looked back and blinked. “Yeah, only Jacky’s luck could cause something like that to happen.”

I admit it, I was a little too curious for my own good as I looked back. I saw Stalk hanging by his rear hoof which was wrapped up by a clothing line. That dress didn’t do his masculine form any justice at all. I shook my head and continued to follow mom.

“So this plan of yours…” Trailing off I didn’t know how to put my feelings into words. If Jade was any indication about how horribly plans go south around her, then it was likely something genetic she got from mom. It was either that or their planning skills were highly contagious. “How likely do you think it is to succeed?”

“It’s perfect, they won’t be expecting us to pull it off. We just need to go through a lot of rigmarole to set it all up though.” Yes, because the horribly convoluted plan requires that you did a bunch of silly stuff mom. “Jacky will have to go in to look over the tank, she can figure out if there’s anything about the tank itself being trapped. As for you and Jade, you can support me or go with her to make sure nothing bad happens to her. With her luck, you two would probably want to make sure Jacky is okay when we start our plan to steal the tank.”

“Just remember that I’m not a miracle worker mom, I do airships, sailing vessels and cannons specifically. Tanks are, again, definitely outside my area of expertise.” Not having a comment to Jacky’s exceedingly valid point that she was not a tank specialist, we just continued forward.

“You know, the only reason why I think you’re doing this is so that you can live through us vicariously by giving us the adventurous kind of childhood that you never had mom.” Okay, where did Jade suddenly go and why was there a brain attached to her doppelganger? All the teasing we do about her intelligence and otherwise aside, It was a rather poignant observation about how our mom grew up not having nearly as much fun as what we were about to do.

I don’t think a normal mother would endanger her children like this by sticking around in a place that wants her biological daughter dead on the principle of just being a sun priestess.

“So what? I can live vicariously through all of you if I want to, I’m old enough and a witch on top of that for crying out loud! I have magical vials in the pockets of my pack that do things like you wouldn’t believe.” With mom’s less than careful study of zebra alchemy, even I’d believe she has some really unusual stuff that was quite literally cooked up by her waiting to be used. “Now come on, we’re almost there and I’m just about ready to begin assaulting the guards with my brilliance.”

In lay mare’s terms, mom was going to annoy the guards into chasing her or she would lead them into a false sense of security, whichever seems to be working first.

I would wash my hooves of this situation, but this was my family I was dealing with here. I wasn’t about to abandon them, since I felt like they certainly would never abandon me if I were to do something outrageously stupid.

-Kuril, outside the thestral barracks and R&D center-

Okay, let’s do this thing. I moved towards the stallions guarding the doorways in.

My plan was one step and only one step, distract the guards multiple times with inane things to the point of being completely ludicrous. Jade, Jacky and Fizzle just had to watch out for anything dangerous until it was time to move in and this would not be the time unless the guards were stupid.

I reached into my pack and pulled a hot pot full of macaroni and cheese, made by Macaroni herself. I could never beat a pony in their special talent if it was cooking a specific dish and this one was godly, I was well rounded and cooked with magic though. Recent magical effects include food that boosts stamina and energy, allows one to jump twice their normal jumping height for half a day and one jambalaya recipe in particular turns someone fully into a puckwudgie for ten minutes if they eat enough of it.

Being a witch was a dream job come true, now I started doddering towards the guards with the warm pot of goodness in my hands.

“Excuse me gentle stallions, but can you help me find a place to set my pot down?” I asked in an old grandmotherly voice. The things I hadn’t told Jade about my family is that they were still around, being disowned for falling in love was not one of the better things to happen to me. I believe I was much happier than my parents were at the very least.

“No.” The flat response almost made me drop the pot. “We’re not dumb, we’re not going to eat on the job or get lazy like the prison guards would. Also Screaming Star told us to watch out for you and your companions specifically.”

“My pot has to be dropped off somewhere though, it’s so full of cheesy goodness and vitamins for growing strapping stallions like yourself… handsome.” My last word made the thestral shiver violently. I wasn’t that ugly was I? Maybe it was the grandmotherly voice I was using for this. “Don’t you have a table or something I can set my pot on, I don’t have to come inside.”

“No, we’re not dumb enough to leave the area weakened by even one guard, we’re also completely aware of what you might be trying to do here.” The guard received one of my best pouts. “That’s not going to work either.”

“But my pot needs a place to set down and roost, once it lays enough eggs I can make a macaroni and cheese omelet!” My plea was met with uncaring faces.

“Go act insane somewhere else lady. We’re not going to chase you, you’re not going to get inside and we’re certainly not going to let your friend sneak in through any place. We’ve even got the air vents covered.” Wow, these guards were quite competent, why can’t all guards be as professional as these guys?

I mean the guards up in Canterlot were given the run around by Jade twice. If I didn’t know any better, I’d swear Jade was eventually planning to attack Canterlot while riding a unicycle and wielding a ten and a half foot pole.

“Not even a taste of this piping warm cheesy goodness?” I started motioning the pot around seductively, at least what I thought would be seductive. Getting no reaction, I sighed and waddled off and gave the macaroni to my children for lunch.

Author's Note:

I'm feeling a little bit better, less bitter now about the world being out to get me.

Comments

[Fireeaters]

You keep mixing up your "your"s and "you're"s. "You're" is the "you are" replacer, and "your" is the one for showing ownership of something.