Airship Mauled

by Darkonshadows

Chapter twenty three, Hayburger Helpers: Menial favor.

-Jade, early morning Ponyville Park-

“Okay cutie, now that you know what I want you to do, go have some fun.” I patted the mare on the back she smiled at me shyly hiding half her face with her mane.

“Okay, I will. I promise that I’ll ask all the animals to keep away from Hayburger and to not cause problems anywhere near there.” Fluttershy was always going to be somewhat of a sweetheart. “I can’t wait to learn how to speak to every animal around here, I just hope all the birds don’t have too many different dialects.”

“Have a good day today cutie, make lots of friends okay?” After giving her a hug, I let Fluttershy set off. That shy pony was going to get in some practice for her dream job. Animal caretaker, veterinarian, animal shelter, she was going to do it all eventually. I then turned my attention to Sekhet.

“I like her as a friend, but she’s way too nice and my personality would chafe in the extreme after a while. She knows I lead a somewhat dangerous life and that’s one major deterrent already.” Though I could certainly say she was a beautiful young mare, Maries and Fizzy were much more important to me and they were more than enough. “There’s also the fact that I’m not exactly a person that let’s legality gets in the way of things I do. Plus she’s better off not knowing of the museum heist I plan to do later in life.”

“All of which is quite mature of you I’m sure.” It wasn’t hard to find Sekhet more approachable when she was willing to get at eye level with you in size. “What did you need of me Jade?”

“A few things, first of which… about Jacky. She’s seems a bit frazzled these last few days, is it anything we’re doing or is it something else? I know that not all gods are not omnipotent, but you at least keep an eye on a situation and can smell a war of any kind. Which means including between friends, the heart and two jelly beans being randomly grabbed out of a bag by two differing people that want a specific flavor.” I think I surprised Sekhet somewhat, she had the most curious look on her face before a broad smile formed on it. She opened her mouth to say something, but I held up my left hand to stop her. “Let me guess. You riddled her and whatever the riddle is, it’s driving her nuts? It’s either that or the fact that she’s attracted to the most boring griffon I’ve ever heard of, which is very unusual for a Viking. You know, since they are kind of a small degree of separation from being pirates outright.”

“A lot of column A and maybe a bit from column B, I’m not a goddess of love you know. You didn’t bring me to Ponyville to ask me that, but know that she’s trying to find out about the name of the ten foot pole eating blob you came across. Don’t tell her, I want to win this one!” Why is that whenever someone talks to her she has to have a blasé attitude about things, I know she cares and she continues to act like she doesn’t. “Now please, get to the point Priest Jaded.”

She loves what we’re accomplishing with Airship Mauled, she also likes the fact that we have a hospital and a qualified doctor to stick around. So why does she always want to be cold to the world when it’s warm to her? She embraces pain, most likely in an attempt to feel alive. If she, as an immortal, were to ever stop feeling pain… then she wouldn’t really be living then would she?

Quick Patch moved on to go somewhere else in the world once Bones proved her qualifications, Dr. Patch always traveling and plying his trade of medical assistance and assured us he’d stop by every once in a while.

Now we had Dr. Bones, who was not gentle in how she did things and was a diamond dog. Her excuse was that we would try harder to not need her help if she always treated us roughly, but within accordance and tolerance of medical law therein. Cats and dogs can be friends, but Dr. Bones is a little ruff… er… rough around the edges.

I took a breath and decided to say it, because Sekhet was getting a little annoyed by my silence.

“Okay, you know how your specific pantheon has a… history?” Time to ease slowly into it, I was going to broach this delicately and slowly. “Specifically the plagues part of it?”

Nope couldn’t do delicate or slow, it probably wasn’t in my nature unless it was caring about Maries and Fizzy.

“Okay which one of those are you talking about?” One delicately raised brow and a curious gaze set up by Sekhet upon me, I waited to speak as she looked like she had more to say. “Just so you know, my pantheon didn’t cause any of that to happen. The incidents were all just natural disasters that had a rather nasty domino effect on a rather specific region that we just happened to watch over. Even though all that the stuff was blamed on the actions of at least one god, we were all pretty sure at the time that it was just incredibly bad magic guided karma. Not all of those poor mortals deserved what happened to them. Come to think of it, some of them might have even been Arizona’s ancestors… huh. Anyway we didn’t cause the plagues, but some of us could admittedly have helped. It wasn’t in my purview to do so at the time.”

“Okay, that’s interesting and slightly disturbing to hear. My request is related to the ones about the bugs specifically.” Drawing this out in case someone decides to interrupt us, I glanced about. Nothing, except for ponies frolicking and playing everywhere else. “Can you create an exclusion zone that specifically effects bugs and only bugs? I know you have the ability to can create zones of annulment, like how you can stop a pony from flying or using magic.”

“Where would I be putting up this zone specifically? There are limits to what I can and am willing to do.” Sekhet stood up and stretched out her spine with a loud pop. “Which leads to the pertinent question, how would you make it worth my while?”

“Riddles, multiple times until satisfied and you don’t need to tell me the answers if I can’t guess them.” Yep, how else do you think I would make a goddess act all twitchy for a few seconds? “Also, I’m quite aware you can go bad genie on me if I abuse your need to have riddles answered for profit.”

I clearly had Sekhet’s number on this one, getting a riddle for a small favor wasn’t too bad. Riddles were the one itch that Sekhet could never stop scratching, it was a foregone conclusion since she was a sphinx.

After a long moment of silence, Sekhet finally spoke up.

“I am never seen, but I am heard, of all the caverns I’ve been to, you only know of me by spoken word.” That wasn’t particularly difficult of you Sekhet, but I guess it was a warmup riddle.

“The answer is an echo.” My answer was met with a nod acceptance and that I was right. “Quick question, can you ever ask a riddle that is nearly almost impossible to answer?”

“Good question, it depends on how smart a person is and whether or not they realize that the answer shouldn’t be spoken in time. The real answer would be to question the answer itself, but that’s usually saved for the obscenely smug and highly intelligent.” Sekhet sat down with in the grass and I joined her. “It is sometimes better to question things than it is to blindly leap forward with an answer you came up with on your own. A second opinion never hurts.”

“Okay, makes sense, next riddle then?” I take it we’d be sitting in this grassy spot for a while, I made sure I wasn’t sitting anywhere close to an anthill or anything resembling leavings of an animal. This spot was really quite clean.

“Of course. I’m quite small compared to all, I am not heavy in weight, but I can stretch to be as tall as a wall, without changing my state.” That was also an easy one, was Sekhet taking it easy on me because she needed to unload riddles? Do riddles even get backed up in a sphinx?

“Is it a shadow?” The sigh I received sounded pleasant and happy to have that answered, I think Sekhet wanted to do this more. “You like challenging people don’t you?”

“Yes, but I also really like doling out riddles more.” We sat there for a few minutes enjoying nature, the tweeting of birds talking with Fluttershy. The early morning sun casting a glow upon the peaceful and quiet area. “Okay, where do you need this barrier that prevents any insects from passing through?”

“That’s it? Two easy too easy riddles?” I thought she would go on for the next thirty minutes telling me nothing but riddles unending.

“I can always ask you more to ponder over later.” Taking Sekhet’s words for what they were I led her towards the Hayburger. Once we arrived she had a comment about the décor. “Ah yes, the lowest common denominator of food that will never quite match up to Kuril’s cooking… the fast food industry. Had you wanted a barrier where bugs are supposed to frequent, I’d given it a few days before it failed. I can’t stop nature like that, but I can make a permanent one here. Though that begs the question of why?”

“Someone wants to shut this place down through unscrupulous methods, I want to help the stallion that asked for it and I’m getting paid to work here.” Speaking of which, my coworkers would be here any second now. “So can you create a pestilence barrier that covers all but the garbage cans in the back? It’d be suspicious if flies won’t even go near the trash.”

“Earning money for what exactly, you do realize that we have a treasury full of gold right?” Having expected this question from Sekhet long before we came here, I was prepared to tell her several things. None of them would be lies, I know better than to lie to gods or goddesses. Goddesses are worse to lie to, lying to a god and getting away with it might earn you their respect.

“I intend to buy something with hard, if slightly boring, work.” Getting my mother a birthday present worthy of her would be nice, like a hat that wasn’t half pirate and witch. Plus a new set of well-designed robes wouldn’t be amiss. “I’m doing that here, because I’m still kind of licking my wounds from the last adventure and this is the safer option than robbing a museum. Which I intend to do eventually in a gentle thief manner.”

“Did you just seriously tell me you were going to rob a museum?” Sekhet seemed more amused than upset by the idea that I would do something like that, she started chuckling dryly. “Which one by the way?”

“One in Manehattan, I plan to take Maries and Fizzle there on a date. You know, to enjoy time with my girlfriends while I scope out the place and then I’ll offer my services to check out the security of the place.” Hey, I never said I wouldn’t do it above the board, I just want to rob a museum at least once in my life. I didn’t have a kleptomania problem, just a problem with not doing something like a rogue. “Nothing like a ‘cat’ burglar to burgle something priceless out from under the nose of security guards and the magical security systems protecting whatever I target.”

“I believe that will be quite an interesting endeavor for you.” Sekhet started gathering magic to her body as she looked towards the restaurant. “Tell me when you go, I want to visit the city that never stops neighing and it’s about time I gave Las Pegasus a break. Broaden my horizons a bit.”

“I’ll tell you when I plan to ask them both to go on tour of the city with me, my and mom’s original plan was to settle down there.” It seemed to me that Sekhet was having problems, problems with not being a friend and not wanting to enjoy life more. Since she was now smiling at me and it could light a hearth ablaze. “We know how that turned out, because we can’t do normal too often.”

Sekhet certainly wasn’t holding back anymore, she wasn’t trying to avoid stronger connections so that she can’t get hurt later when a mortal she’s come to like or love perishes. In that, she was failing in a war of the heart quite hard and giving in to the desire to form emotional bonds, but maybe victory wasn’t what she needed in that arena. I knew I was going to be her friend for as long as I could last.

“Okay, I protected this place from the plague of ever having insects cross its doors to the interior, not a scrap of insect can get into the restaurant and they will stay away from all but the garbage cans outside the building.” It didn’t look any different, but Sekhet didn’t need to test it. I trusted her implicitly at this point.

“Thank you Sek. So, would you like to come in and get something to eat when we get the restaurant up and running for the day?” If she didn’t want to, then I wasn’t about to press Sekhet on it.

“Sorry, but your mother’s cooking has spoiled me. The low grade stuff here wouldn’t be worth much to my taste buds… but I will have some dragon roasted coffee.” Giving her a questioning look, Sekhet expunged the knowledge to me. “Dragons make really good blends.”

“I wouldn’t know, I’m somewhat caffeine intolerant and try to stay away from any major sources of caffeine.” It wasn’t all too bad really, I shared something in common with Dr. Bones in that we can’t have chocolate. Well at least Dr. Bones can’t have chocolate, I can at least handle a little. Too much chocolate would definitely make me sick.

“Ah yes, I forgot there were some things certain mortals couldn’t handle.” Sekhet shook her head sadly at me as we waited for the others to arrive. Maries was the one that had to open the doors to the restaurant so we could start our second day of work.

Theobromine and caffeine are the two major problems that Abyssinians and Diamond Dogs share when it comes to chocolate, which is why I prefer good old healthy fruit as a safer option.

If anyone were to ever become an Abyssinian, the first lesson would be to never eat cocoa beans or anything with high amounts of chocolate or theobromine in it like tea leaves.

Hearts and Hooves day was problematic when the major gift of the holiday was chocolate, something that I told Fizzle to avoid giving me. I think Maries might be able to eat chocolate safely despite being part feline, they had a strong stomach.

Author's Note:

The plagues of Egypt all had logical scientific causes, such as algae turning water red. The algae was known as Burgundy Blood Algae, it turns red when it dies off and thus the water looks like it's filled with blood.

It was all because of stuff like that, that a dangerous snowball effect took place and it became a biblical story. When all it was really... was a lot of rain that caused all the things that happened and maybe an exploding volcano nearby or a rare hail storm with a swarm of nomadic locusts.

It all seems mythical in proportions, but then it's just turns out to be an absurdly large amount of bad luck. Nature can easily wreck your stuff if some things are left unchecked.

Also Jade, Kuril and Dr. Bones naturally shouldn't eat chocolate, if we're taking their biology into account.

Comments

[Booster Spice]

I wonder if unicorns can extract the taste of chocolate and then mix it back into butter or something, or margerine for Scotchblock?

Has Sek realised yet that anything pretty much can be viewed as war, conflict, and within her purrview, or she realised that if she goes down that road, it can lead to going Discord on the world?

Philosophical musings over the movements of cockroaches.

[VcSaJen]

White chocolate is generally relatively more safe than regular chocolate. Also, Jade have a weight of a grown man, instead of a weight of a housecat. As with all poisons, it's not about absolute dosage, it's about proportion of dosage to body weight. So Jade can eat a small chunk without the risk of dying.