• Member Since 26th Aug, 2013
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago


Fixation on death aside, this is lovely —Soge, accidentally describing my entire life


Spike has always felt like an outsider in his own group of friends. And after learning what happened to Stygian, Spike realizes how dangerous he could be to his friends in the future. This leads him down a very dark thought spiral: he should kill himself before he ever even has the chance of hurting anyone else.

Prereading and editing by Soge and Fluttershy

Criticism of “Just a Thought” by Chinchillax’s inner critics:

What is WRONG with you!?
—My conscious

You really shouldn’t put your mental health problems on parade for everyone to see.
—My anxiety

You really should learn to write someday.
—My inner editor

Chapters (10)
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Comments ( 21 )

Well, this is the most depressing thing I've ever read on Fimfiction. Good job.
I guess.

Quite enjoyable to read.

Does this version of Spike have OCD? This sounds remarkably like the more depressive loops I've had.


She didn’t need him anymore. He knew she had plenty of magic at her disposal.

And also

Your friends are counting on you to die.


Spike suddenly realized how important it was to pretend to be happy for Twilight. She couldn’t know he had tried to kill himself. If they found that out, they would probably lock him and monitor him all day and night. He’d never die at that rate.

huh...ok. Not a great feeling, but ok.

Spike broke down what he needed to do in his head: Lifelong Goal: Death Actionable items for today: Make no progress on Lifelong Goal—focus on damage control on the last attempt Pretend to be okay

...ok...now I'm getting a tad uncomfortable.

I really don't know what to call what Spike is going through. The story is mostly based on personal experience, and I've been diagnosed with high functioning anxiety, so that's what I would think to call it.

It could very well be OCD though.

Yeah... it's gonna get worse before it gets better. :ajsleepy:

I hope you stick it out until the ending though. Given Spike's situation, I feel like the ending is as optimistic as it could be.

Thanks for reading it. (And I love your avatar. It's perfect for this story :pinkiesad2:)

Nah, I'm in for the ride now! Can't wait to see what happens yet.

It's why he couldn't leave a letter or anything behind to explain what had happened. When he committed suicide he would cause others to contemplate their own mortality. He couldn't do that! He had to protect them from his own thoughts.

He can not do that because they'll be searching him and hoping for really long time. The way to go is to make his interest in magic public knowledge (he has evidence from Celestia that it would be met with positive response) and self-destruct relatively openly in a way that they would rationalize it as blatant stupidity. He just need a way to make bird shut up.

"Umm..." said the void.

My first though was "Fluttershy?!" :rainbowlaugh:

That was an interesting read. Good job on the writing, hope you have the support and love you need to keep on living!:heart:

And you must be honest, the psychological well-being of a good friend is on the line.

Yeah, very-very honest! :rainbowlaugh:

But… even the worst crimes can be repented of. Even the most vile of creatures can seek forgiveness.

I feel such claims about potential events in future light cone are kinda not okay.

This whole dragon magic is an interesting concept even though the use of it in the story isn’t exactly a good thing.

Chapter 9 is a lovely chapter, I consider it my favorite one! :twilightsmile:

Lovely story! Also, I’m glad Spike didn’t die at the end!

I enjoyed this story a lot. Great job!

I'm glad I stumbled upon this fic. I don't think I'm able to say anything constructive about it. Spike's suicide attempts are a joy to read... which sounds weird considering I like Spike as a character quite a lot... Probably the joy came from me imagining being in his situation.

And Key was on fire here! I really liked his portrayal, loyalty, support, trust, overall thinking, and so. I could read about him portrayed this way all year long, it's very sweet. Not only thanks to that, the fic elevated from "good" to "one of my favourites".

You know what? Surprisingly a good read. Keep it up :)

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