Just a Thought

by Chinchillax

10) Another Day

Two months later, Key chirped at him, saying all sorts of things about the nice day outside, and how Owlicious had been noisy last night while they were trying to sleep, and a thousand other things.

Spike smiled, turning over in his bed until finally admitting defeat that Key was not going to shut up until he officially left his comfortable slumber. He had had such a good dream too. He had gotten to show Luna his idea for what the Castle of Friendship could look like, and she was very impressed at Spike’s imagination.

Spike brushed his teeth and got ready. Twilight had a lot of work for him to do today. But that was okay. He was a helper. And that’s what he loved doing best.

He breathed out a purple flame and played with it all the way down to breakfast. He heard Twilight and Starlight's usual morning bickering as he got closer to the kitchen.

"Why did you get cupcakes for breakfast?" asked Twilight.

"They're unfrosted cupcakes, that means they're practically muffins," said Starlight.

Spike extinguished the purple flame before Twilight could notice, and then sat down at the table.

"You can't possibly believe an unfrosted cupcake actually substitutes for a real breakfast muffin," said Twilight. "Where did you even get that idea?"

"Pinkie Pie, and she's right! All an unfrosted cupcake has going for it are different flavors and more sugar. That makes it even better than a muffin."

"Pinkie Pie is a professional baker. She of all ponies should know that there is more to cupcakes than just being a sugary muffin. Muffins are healthier!"

Spike picked up one of the unfrosted cupcakes and bit into it. He loved sweets as much as any other creature. But this was way too much sugar for this early in the morning.

"No they're not," said Starlight. "Have you seen the nutritional value between a cupcake and a muffin? They're practically the same."

"I'm not a professional baker—Pinkie is. We should just ask her what the difference between a cupcake and a muffin is."

"I did ask," said Starlight. "And she said they were about the same."

Spike quietly got up and started cooking some oats that both of them would appreciate. The heat from the stove reminded him that he could accidentally burn this entire place to the ground and all his friends would die and it would be all his fault and he shouldn't be alive and—

He breathed in. Shrugged. And then breathed out.

Starlight and Twilight continued to squabble until he finished cooking the oats.

He set the bowls of oats in front of them and they said a quick thanks before starting to eat, all the while still debating between muffins and cupcakes. Honestly, what would they do without him?

---

Living with the suicidal thoughts never truly went away. The thoughts surged to impossibly oppressive heights, and then receded away, leaving behind the peace of a weathered storm.

Spike continued living. And that was alright.

And even when it wasn’t, he had many friends to help him get through it. Sometimes he helped others, and sometimes he was the one being helped. And Spike was okay with that.

Comments

[DarkDMan]

That was an interesting read. Good job on the writing, hope you have the support and love you need to keep on living!

[ExplosionMare]

Lovely story! Also, I’m glad Spike didn’t die at the end!

[Vik]

I enjoyed this story a lot. Great job!

[LiboR]

I'm glad I stumbled upon this fic. I don't think I'm able to say anything constructive about it. Spike's suicide attempts are a joy to read... which sounds weird considering I like Spike as a character quite a lot... Probably the joy came from me imagining being in his situation.

And Key was on fire here! I really liked his portrayal, loyalty, support, trust, overall thinking, and so. I could read about him portrayed this way all year long, it's very sweet. Not only thanks to that, the fic elevated from "good" to "one of my favourites".

[WUBZ-_-Vinyl]

You know what? Surprisingly a good read. Keep it up :)

[Ice Star]

I'm surprised this has as little attention (and character tags) when it's such a well-crafted story. I struggle with things often enough, and this story hit a lot of points I won't quite dredge up in this comment, but were all pretty accurate. I worry that my cat wouldn't know what happened to me and that no one will take care of her, for one thing.

[Chinchillax]

9977915
Thanks, that means a lot.

I'm kind of terrified to "advertise" this story at all. It's so... suicidal. Though... that's just the sort of thing that people going through a rough time might get help by reading. It's a conundrum.

I'm glad it resonated with you.

[Ice Star]

9978266
It’s suicidal yes, but it’s still well written and genuine. That separates it from a lot of other stories that try to touch on the topic.

[WiseIdiot]

Okay...
So this hit home several times. This story made me feel very low as I read through his lows, but at the same time I feel better for having read it. Thank you for writing this.

[overdue]

beautiful story, not what i was expecting but quite beautiful. Key is so cool

[Surfing Pikachu]

Excellently written.

[Cottoncandysheep]

I’m crying this helped a ton I’ve had a guilt complex for a while mostly about something horrible I almost did when I was younger. I have thoughts like Spike in this story, that I should kill myself before I hurt someone, but I need to remember I only want to help people, and someday tell stories like this that will hopefully have similar effects on others. Thank you this was a great story

I’m in therapy btw so don’t worry about me

[Chinchillax]

11898844

There were lots of moments that I didn’t want to publish this story, much less write it. I’m sorry you’ve gone through so many struggles, but I’m glad this helped.