//------------------------------// // 3) Letter // Story: Just a Thought // by Chinchillax //------------------------------// Spike finally started to calm down when an awful feeling slunk into his throat. He quickly turned his head to the side and surprisingly all that came out was a letter. Key was alarmed to say the least, squawking at the paper that had magically appeared from Spike’s flames. “It’s okay Key, it’s just a… umm… letter.” Spike’s claws were quivering as he opened the scroll. His face grew pale the second he looked at the date at the top. It had been two and a half weeks since he had left the castle. “Spike, we’ll keep searching for you and sending these letters. I hope you’re okay.” —Princess Celestia “Skrawk?” asked Key. Spike just shrugged. “I— I know I should reply… but I can’t. I’m… I gotta… I gotta… umm…” Spike tried to say something. He shouldn’t reply because…? Because he was going to die soon? Because he had been gone this long anyway, why not kill himself before they got their hopes up? Because Celestia was contacting a future enemy, she just didn’t know it, and the best way to defeat this enemy was to kill it before it did anything? Key poked his head in front of Spike’s eyes, forcing Spike to see nothing but orange and red feathers. “Skree?” Spike sighed. “I guess I should probably reply.” Before Spike could even find something to write with, a small package burst forth from his mouth. “Spike! It looks like my last test letter successfully disappeared. I hope that means what I think it means. I’ve sent some ink and a quill. Please reply!” —Celestia Spike looked down at the letter and the writing implements. He really didn’t have any excuse now. But what to say? A million thoughts went through his mind: Tried to kill myself, I’ll keep trying. I’m so sorry you have to have this conversation, I promise to try harder next time. I’m so sorry I’m still alive, no one should have to deal with me. “Kah,” said Key. He shook his head, and then scribbled: “I’m fine” quickly on the note. And with a quick fire breath, the letter was gone. What had he just done!? He gave away that he was still alive! Wait—the letters hadn’t been sending at all, so the instant he was able to receive letters again, that’s where he failed. So to truly stay away from Celestia’s gaze, he would just need to… to stop himself from whatever transportation magic was on himself. How was he going to do that? How was he able to send and receive letters from his own breath anyway? Was that some spell Celestia put on him? Was he inextricably linked to Celestia? What if, when he died, would Celestia know? Could she find him? How different was petrification from death, really? No one should be able to find him if they had spent two and half weeks looking for him. He would just need to kill himself soon before they found a way to find him. Where were the monsters? It shouldn’t be this hard to die in the Everfree forest of all place— Fwoooosh! Another letter erupted from Spike. It was quite a doozy of a letter too, and it made him feel incredibly nauseous afterwards. The letter managed to unfurl itself, only the intricate origami it was made from took quite some time to completely unravel. And with a sudden POP, the paper blossomed into Twilight. “Spike!” Twilight lunged towards Spike, practically crashing into him. “I’m so sorry! Are you okay? What happened? You were in the Everfree? We’ve been looking for you for so long. Well—we didn’t realize you were missing until a few days ago when we got back, and I’m so SORRY!” Spike suddenly realized how important it was to pretend to be happy for Twilight. She couldn’t know he had tried to kill himself. If they found that out, they would probably lock him and monitor him all day and night. He’d never die at that rate. “I’m fine, Twilight!” said Spike, somehow able to procure a smile from out of nowhere. “I got a little lost in the Everfree and got turned to stone by a cockatrice, but Peewee found me, so I’m better now.” “Peewee?” asked Twilight, suddenly aware of the phoenix on Spike’s shoulder. “Actually, he goes by ‘Key’ now,” said Spike as Key raised his head taller. “That’s what his parents named him, so uhh… yeah…” Twilight stared at Spike, analyzing all the cuts, bruises, scrapes and bags under his eyes. “How have you been, Twilight?” Spike said, giving an awkward smile. Twilight didn’t answer. Her mane was a mess even for her standards and her eyes betrayed several days of little sleep. She reached out and hugged him with her forelegs, letting her wings drape over him as well. “I’m so sorry this happened, Spike. I left you alone for too long in that castle, I’m sorry about that. You should’ve come with us.” Realizing his face was out of view from her, Spike let his guard down and cringed. He usually disliked being in the castle alone, but if he was being watched all the time, being invited to places, it was going to be very hard to kill himself. “Thank you so much,” said Twilight, looking at the phoenix. Key gave a short chirp of gratitude. “Let’s get you home, Spike,” said Twilight, picking up Spike and putting him on her back. “Do you feel up for a ride?” “Uhh… sure! Yeah! That’d be good,” said Spike. He had said too many words too quickly. Would she notice that that was out of the ordinary? Could she tell how much he wanted to die? How good of an actor was he? Twilight extended her wings out and jumped into the air, carefully weaving her way through the thick foliage of the Everfree. They burst through the canopy and found themselves bathed in the warm orange rays of the setting sun. Key quickly took to the skies himself, flying alongside Twilight as they made their way back to the castle. Spike looked down at the ground far below him. A fall from this height might kill him, but he had survived some nasty falls before and had come out alright. Still, all he’d need to do would be loosen his grip on Twilight. As if his own body were fighting against his mind, he felt himself hold tighter to Twilight. She didn’t yell or even say anything. And Spike was grateful. It felt so nice to hold tight onto Twilight. He missed being with her as often as he used to. He missed this. Well… maybe not the flying, that still felt a tad unnatural. But being with her… it was nice. The landscape slowly shifted. Spike really had gotten quite a ways away from Ponyville, considering how long it took Twilight to get back. Had he really gotten all the way out here on his own two feet? Where had the monsters been? This would have been so much easier for Twilight if he had just managed to die the first time around. She’s gonna be so upset when… he succeeded. He had to succeed someday. It would be a victory for Ponykind, as they wouldn't be under the tyranny of a would be villain. But it might be a temporary loss for Twilight. But she had lots of friends. She was the princess of friendship now. That meant she really could get along well without him. He gripped Twilight even tighter, holding close to her and feeling her muscles moving with each flap of her wings. She had gone all the way out here just for him. She had somehow managed to transfigure herself into paper… just for him. He buried his face in her mane and silently wept. Killing himself was going to be really, really hard. “Twilight?” asked Spike, leaning into her ear. “Yes?” The rushing wind made it hard to hear her. “I… I love you so much, Twi.” The castle finally crept into view on the horizon. “I love you, Spike.” Why did he say that? It was already going to be difficult to die before. But this? This just made everything worse. But he did love her very much. She needed to know that before he disappeared for good. His death wasn’t due to anything she had done, or forgot to do. He just needed a way to save future ponies from himself. And dying was the best way to do that.