• Member Since 8th Aug, 2017
  • offline last seen October 16th

Not Enough Coffee


"The soul becomes dyed with the color of its thoughts." ~ Marcus Aurelius

E

Every Nightmare Night a timid little ghost of a long deceased filly comes out to celebrate the holiday which she cherished most when she was alive. Often she kept to the sidelines, never being noticed for hundreds of years. This was until three little fillies, and their group of rag-tag friends, caught her attention.


Edited by All Art is Quite Useless, Link4, and B_25.

Secondary cover art by JamesA.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 53 )

AAAALL THE OTHER KIDS

This was sweet.

listen guy dat ass

I have a feeling this was inspired by that animation google had recently?

8557177
Nope, actually. Did they have animation based around a little ghost?

Sorry I disappeared on you. Laptop had 10% left and shut down.

8557207
No prob. You did so much work, and I love you for it.

8557180 That they did. It was of a ghost trying on different costumes to go out with to look like a regular kid. Ended up going...as a ghost, who actually had a ghost costume xD

Was a nice read, though.

8557229
Thanks, dude! Means a lot.

8557211
finishing up now. also, the line

“Can’t believe this is where you rest… sorry you had to go out this way.”

dark man.. dark. implied suicide? correct me if i'm wrong though.

8557289
It's left out what happened, since it wasn't important to the story as a whole. All that is known is that she's gone from the world, and is now at peace.

8557230 It was bittersweet. Nice she found friends, but had to die to save said friends, but at least she rests in peace, now :)

8557332
Yeah, was a bit bittersweet, yet I think it's more on the side of sweet, rather than bitter.

"Bree, bree, bree, snort snort, BLEGH!" Said the emo to the edgy. "And great story, too."

They all lived happily ever after.

A little late for Halloween, but still good.

*Clicks the thumbs-up icon.*

8557516
Finished the story on Halloween, but just finally finished editing. Better late than never, and better now than after Christmas.

LOL Grammarly says that there are 461 errors in this. Thank goodness there is Thanksgiving break! XD

“And Apple Bloom.” Lily started. “There’s this pond just outside of time.”

Well, I suppose for Lily it was...

8557643
Fixed, thanks for the catch. Was supposed to be "There's this pond just outside of Ponyville."

8557332
She did not die. She was a ghost more she got what she wanted in life as passed on
But yeah still a little bittersweet

Such a sweet, sad tale. I loved it though! Totally had a few tears falling at the end.:fluttercry:

8557763
I know she didn't. My brain wasn't working at the moment and settled with a dead being dying xD

8558771
Its good to see your still around tho i miss your stories like the mother nightmare moon one

Your writing needs to be strengthened!!!:derpyderp1:

8558782
I have a job and I work heavy over time...I have like no time to write. As it is, I have to go to work in an hour.

8558915
Oh I understand im just saying i miss your stories

It's so sad the way Lily died. Drowning is one of the worst ways for a young child to go:fluttercry:.

8559227
Indeed it is, drowning in general sounds like one of the worst ways to go.

8559229

Hell yeah it is. I've seen it being acted out well by Kurt Ruseel in the film, Poseidon. It's horrible that you're trying to get air but get nothing but water:rainbowderp:.

I'm beginning to wonder where Lily's parents or guardians were so they could supervise her? My guess is that she probably snuck away from home before heading to the pond.

8559243
Left it up to the reader to decide. Figured the specifics of her passing were unneeded to the story as a whole.

8559249
That's a good call to make:twilightsmile:.

Great story, perhaps a prequel on Lily's life before she died and how she managed to die? If she needed friendship to pass on, does that mean her ultimately dying in the pond was a result of not having friends or friends who betrayed her?

8557096
With the pumped up kicks
8557300
Either way it is the worlds saddest anime death

8559865 Her parents threw her in for begging for another bowl of gruel.

I can relate. (Too bad for them, I SURVIVED! HA!)

If the apparition pony felt her nonexistent heart grow still, making her feel more hollow than usual. “Oh, no,”

Uh-oh...

derpicdn.net/img/2013/3/21/276042/full.jpeg

This story has now been 'Bleach'-ed. :trollestia:

Hey for a relatively new writer, that was a really good story. Good job and you earned my follow.

Ps Vinyl > Tavi ;p

8561723
Thanks.

Ps Vinyl > Tavi ;p

Them's fightin' words!

This was a beautiful story, and I am happy to have read it. It's a shame this wasn't written during Nightmare Night, because it would have been PERFECT! <3

8567064
Thanks! Finished it November first, but needed to be edited. To be fair, though, Halloween was a pretty dead day on the site, so publishing this when I did was probably for the better.

8567200
I can see that. But I meant more the days leading up to Nightmare Night.

Still this story was great and I am glad that I got to read it ^_^

Shame though that there can't really be a sequel with how things ended

An delightful little ghost pony

Should be 'A' instead of 'An'.

If the apparition pony felt her nonexistent heart grow still, making her feel more hollow than usual.

I feel like the 'If' isn't needed in this sentence.

She continued to watch as the three took off, and as the other fillies and colts in line finally got their chance to play.

The 'and' here isn't needed as well, and the comma after [took off] if you decide to remove the 'and'.

He tear covered eyes making the world a blurry mess of dreary colors.

I believe this should be 'Her tear-covered eyes'.

As the door creaked open, excitement which she had not felt in what felt like forever gathered inside her being.

This sentence feels weird to me. Maybe try rewriting it? Probably something like...
As the door creaked open, she felt excited inside her being for the first time in forever.

“Oh my, what I crowd we have here.

'I' should be 'a'.

“Say, I know the perfect way we can celebrate this Nightmare Night with are new friend here.”

'our'.

There was a fog that began to envelop the the group of tykes,

Double 'the'.

“Hey, how about we do what we were before, and explore.

Huh?

“I know we’re all scared, and all, but were tough ponies aren’t we?”

we're

“Okay, I’m not as confident as I was before about this before.”

Remove the first 'before'.

I’ll let you know, we’ll become pony skeletons by the time anypony found us. Do you want that to happen?

Change 'found' to 'find', and this line is missing an end quote.

“Okay, Lily. If it’s that hard for you, then I guess I can throw my two-bits into the mix.” She pointed her hoof towards the left hallway. “I say we go left, because Applejack always told me to follow my heart, and our hearts are on the left side, right?”
“I don’t know my anatomy, but it sounds reasonable enough, I suppose.” Sweetie Belle pointed out, agreeing with what Apple Bloom said.
“I guess we’re going right then.” said Scootaloo as she took her first tentative step towards the hallway.

What? No argument or question as to why they suddenly just wanted to go right even though the majority vote was to go left?

Another detail of the hall they found themselves in was the elaborate vases that were aloft pillars.

...huh?

“Wait, look at this painting over here?” Lily asked Sweetie and Apple Bloom,

Even though you ended that with a question mark, that isn't a question, in my opinion.

“Huh, is that a journal of somepony’s”

While this here should end with a question mark, since Dinky was asking.

“I’ve created something truly horrible, and anypony who reads this now: turn back, and never return!”

Not a correction, but a comment or reaction from a reader like me. If whoever owned the place didn't want anypony entering the house, a warning sign on the front door would have been nice, instead of on a journal located deep within the house itself, where it may or may not be too late to get out.

way to afraid to turn around

The first 'to' should be a 'too'.

On his flank was a Inkwell

'On his flank was an inkwell'

Dinky became flushed.

I think 'Dinky blushed' would have been just fine.

“What in Equestria is that!”

Should add a question mark there.

“Well, am a ghost,

There should be an "I'm" in there.

but I think your asking what species I am.

'your' should be "you're".

...And that's where I end. The story doesn't seem like my cup of tea as I hoped it would. I couldn't push myself further to at least finish it. Apologies. I leave with a thumbs up, at least.

8595313
Sorry to hear it wasn't you're cup of tea, but I really appreciate the honesty, and the list of grammatical errors. I'm going through to correct them now, and the thumbs up you gave me just makes me feel good inside. You're a real awesome person, my dude.

Ow...

My heart :raritydespair: so that's what true sadness tastes like.

Damn dude, that was sad, bittersweet...

I'm sad now, poor Lily :fluttershyouch: She's at peace now of course, and I couldn't be happier, I suppose.
Good work, Coffee, good work :heart:

8722473
You thought this was gonna be a happy, adventure story with a ghost filly? This is me we're talking about, I can't even write a comedy without some tear-jerking scene.

That said, thanks for taking the time to read this, friend-o. I put a lot of work into this, and to see it affect you, and others in such a way means the world to me.

8722511
I suppose this is what happens when you don't get any coffee in the morning :pinkiegasp:

And no problem man, I was happy to read this, it was enjoyable and (aside from a typo here and there) it was very well done. So good job man, good job :heart: Keep it up, friend.

“See, nothing to worry about.” Apple Bloom laughed. “Pinkie Pie said if you’re ever feeling scared, and down, all you have to do is giggle at the ghosties.” She walked beside Lily, “So let’s get a move on. Seems everyone has made up their mind to go down there together.”

I always thought it was"giggle at the ghosties" but it turns out she said "ghostly".

...

Also holy cow this fic

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