Just a man trying to make the Ultimate Who story along with his pals. Feel free to PM me if you wanna say hi.
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Sunset Shimmer leaves a normal life, sure she is magical girl that defeats the forces of evil from time to time, but she has feelings, goals ambitions, good ambitions mind you. However something been bothering Sunset for quite some time, something that she has noticed about everyone around her be it her friends, or even the students she doesn't know. She doesn't have a archetype, or does she.
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This was odly fun
Some mistakes in the description. Leaves should be lives and the first something ought to be something's.
If she is attacking Canada for the reason i think. Poland is next
Needs a lot of editing. Need a volunteer?
and is it bad I can so see scitwi have a army of robot dogs in her basement
8166384 I"ll be honest.....Yes that's a reference to that joke.
you
_____________
That is
______________
is
Add a ? after !
_____________
Go through and cap your I's. You have 4 that need capped.
______________
mean girl is well ...
_______________
I'm
too- "
Spike
__________________
in them
________________
epiphany
the straight
(move that line of dialog down a line.)
Who's speaking in that sentence? (the underlined one), you need to label those when it's more than two people talking.
with-"
(When doing an interruption use an em-dash (this dealie -) and end with a " mark. You only skip ending " marks when the speaker is still talking in the next paragraph.)
________________________
sanity
needs end " marks.
_______________
turn the ? to a period. She's making a statement not a question.
__________________
Needs end " marks. And you need to say who's speaking.
____________________
You this story would be epic for a one shot. If not for the tons of errors riddling the fic. You should definitely find a good editor and have them go through this story with a fine tooth comb.
I've always thought of Sunset as a failed Mary Sue. She is supposed to be a genius who is obviously better at observing and manipulating the world around her to suit her needs, but because there has to be some conflict she is rarely allowed to shine until the very end of any given plot.
8396437
Which makes her better or worse than a real Sue?
9627479
Worse, I would prefer a lack of tension to tension caused by ignoring existing character traits.
Just want to let you know, it should be an archetype. A is before pretty much everything except for vowels, then it should be an.
Otherwise, interesting story. Good job.
You seriously couldn't have her protest that she is nether a man nor straight?
Jesus Christ that is hilarious
She is not wrong about that
Why not?
I always figured she was like the Fons
Not crazy enough.
Waiting honestly for the moment when Twilight conquers Canada
edit:
We the readers -........okay then- and then we all walk away.