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After the Friendship Games, the Wondercolts and Shadowbolts became friends. For a couple months they have been talking about Christmas and how they are gonna spend it together. Though Twilight thinks otherwise. What is she thinking about?
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You shift between present and past tenses a few times, and there are minor spelling errors. Examples follow:
Should be 'supposed'. Should be a comma between 'awesome' and 'thanks'. Past tense, that's fine. but the next sentence is a conflict.
Should be a comma or other separator between 'Yay' and 'hugging', even if pinkie Pie is saying them with no pause. Present tense, conflicting with the past tense of the previous sentence.
Still a fun little read so far.
6768211 Thanks for the notices of the errors. I'm not the best writer but I try my best to make it at least readable. Plus I tend to change my way of writing or anything I do in general a lot...
But I'm glad you enjoyed this story anyway.
Its okay, but right now you story is pretty basic on the shipping.
I think you could upgrade it by having some paragraphe showing that Sunset and Twilight flirted a little in the pass (like, very subtle flirt) it would bring more flesh to the whole *suprise kissing* as well as establishing some form of bond betweem the two of them.
OR maybe I am just being a critic for nothing.
Both are fine
Also; merry fucking thankschrismanuka-whatever
6768933 Thanks for the advice.
Awwwww that was AMAZING
6769294 Thanks! I'm glad you like it.
loved it!! just one little nitpick:
the usual advice I see towards this kind of lines is "show, don't tell"; it might work better if you say something like "she looks both surprised and slightly frightened by Pinkie's strength"... as I said, minor nitpick... other than that, maybe I would've liked some more tension growing towards the kiss, but on the other hand, it felt like a natural flow, not too dramatic, not too fast-paced
in the end, it was just some sweet fluff, which I always crave to find here
6770674 Glad you like it.
Plus thanks for the advice.
Wait! So, Fluttershy and Applejack never said anything? ?( sincerely, I like it that way.. I got annoyed when people over-used country accents and over-used "um" foor Flutters)
Nice job taking time to characterise the shadowbolts, this was a very readable slice-of-life. Oho, spare pyjamas are only a sample of what Pinkie can pull out of hammerspace...just a really nice story.
Eeeeeeeeeeee! P.S. I'm squealing.
"You two are so adorable!" Sour Sweets said, "Don't get all mushy on us!"
Ah the two-faced sour patch kid never change
She has a point, it can be dangerous and many incidents do happen with snow.
Something tells me it's serious.
Huh, she must of had to do a lot of hard work with decorating those cookies.
You get used to after awhile.
Yeah, something must be up on her mind right now? But what? 🤔
Understand what?
You can never have to many pajamas if you ask me.
Can't believe I'm saying this but good job indigo.
Huh, so that's what it was all along a kiss. I didn't see that one coming. Well, kinda ish. 🙄
Guess that's a sign that twilight has a crush on sunset.