This will be a good day!

This story is a sequel to Drunken star

Finally the day comes when Twilight's parents find out she's dating someone, the only problem is that Twilight forgot to mention she's dating a ... Girl.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 19 )

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Communist-Party

Communist-Party #1 · Sep 30th, 2017 · · ·

Either this story is straight out of draft and filled with grammatical errors or I'm way more drunk then I thought I was. I like the premiss but the pace and the character interactions needs more work. I can count on one hand how many (Twilight introduces her girlfriend to her family) stories there are. You have her a potentially great story.

Paige

Paige #2 · Sep 30th, 2017 · · ·

Nice i like it

Lieral

Lieral #3 · Sep 30th, 2017 · · ·

8458625
You're probably not drunk, I'm from another country and my English is almos 100% self-taught and I'm already searching for an editor.
Now, about the character interactions that's a problem I'm not solve alone, so do you have some idea what do you want? Tell me and I'm gonna fix it.
Anyway I'm glad you think my story have some potential, and I wish someday I can reach this potential.

Lieral

Lieral #4 · Sep 30th, 2017 · · ·

8458630
Thank you, I'm glad you like it!

redponyranger

redponyranger #5 · Sep 30th, 2017 · · ·

I like that reference to the canterlot wedding.

Communist-Party

Communist-Party #6 · Sep 30th, 2017 · · ·

8458646
What I mean by character interaction is for example when Sunset and Applejack talked their conversation was mostly centered around pushing the plot along. You could try to give them more small talk that can lead into Sunset talking about Twilight and etc. You could try and involve the others too. When Twilight tells Sunset her parents want to meet them you could show the different characters reactions to this. Luna could have popped into the conversation by telling them that their going to be late for class and tell Sunset good luck. It's out of character for Luna as well as a teacher to allow students to skip school for trivial reasons. Letting them go early is more likely. General tips take a look at how the characters behave in the show when their just dealing with the average parts of life.

Lieral

Lieral #7 · Sep 30th, 2017 · · ·

8458672
It's small but I wanted to do at least one reference to that episode.

Lieral

Lieral #8 · Sep 30th, 2017 · · ·

8458674
Now I understand what you wanted to say, and you're right, I'm going to work on it as soon as possible, and my intention isn't to Luna let everyone skip the class, that' an error I'm going to fix now.
And mainly thank for your comment, if you have any other idea I'm glad to listen (or read... Whatever.).

Paige

Paige #9 · Oct 1st, 2017 · · ·

I also followed

Bunni

Bunni #10 · Oct 3rd, 2017 · · ·

I loved the story but one thing I kept noticing was that you kept changing from past tense to present tense. Just letting you know.

Lieral

Lieral #11 · Oct 21st, 2017 · · ·

8464528
I'm sorry for the reeeally late reply, but I ran out of the internet.
Regarding this, I can only apologize because English is not my native language.
But thank you very much for the warning.

SOG AVENGER 225