• Member Since 26th Oct, 2015
  • offline last seen October 23rd


sometimes ideas pop up that need to be written down

Comments ( 476 )

Wow, and the thing is, it is actually possible.

Wow, very good. Im actually kinda excited for this :)

I actually really enjoy this. Keep up the good work!

Humans with wings, my favorite sort of humanization.
Please, do continue! I like where this is going.

How often do you think you'll be updating it?

Not a fan of humanized, but I love the story concept.

7705903 Circumstances permitting, there will be one or two updates a week. As a treat, the next chapter will be up this very afternoon.

I really like the premise of this! It has a lot of potential.

Looking forward to the next chapter eagerly. :twilightsmile:

oh this is nice...but I REALLY wanna see her use that trigger word more...plus I can't wait to see Rarity and Dashie under~!

Same here! The idea of Twilight slowly, but subtly having her thoughts altered to think like Starlight is..actually kinda awesome :D

I like where this is going. Interesting that Starlight is focusing on attraction; it keeps Twilight off balance, pliable, and trusting.

Got all excited at the title, more so at the description. But then I saw the human tag. Started reading to see if I could get past it but I am sorry. However, not giving a downvote, it isn't your fault I don't like human fics.

Please keep up the writing though, we need more of these themed stories! :twilightsmile:

I'm left wondering if the whole thing with Sunburst ever actually happened.

And if Starlight will turn her first Friendship Lesson into an opportunity to... reconnect with her childhood friend.

7708696 Sorry I can't offer what you were hoping for. I have the exact opposite problem. When it comes to adult content, I don't like full ponies and in order to stay inspired when writing such a story, the characters have to be at least anthropomorphic.

I have an E rated story in progress that involves mind control and full ponies as well, though the subject matter is pretty different from this, so it may not meet your desires either.

7709605 Hehe, I have done a mind-control-y T story myself, with Pinkie Pie's origin explored a little more.

Good luck on the writing, I do plan to read this if only to challenge myself; but it is in the "procrastinate about reading it later" folder at the moment.

Pacing's a bit fast bu at the same time content isn't too in depth. I was hoping to see a bit more Of th manipulation side of things on top of the effects.

It's been ambiguous whether the fantasies were Starlight hypnotizing her into feeling them, or if she was hypnotizing her into thinking they hadn't been real. Still on my toes as to her plans for what to do next; she has Twilight totally wrapped around her... Uh... Let's say finger.

I like the current pacing. We saw that she hypnotized her and implanted a trigger and trust, an example of the hypnosis over the last few days, and now how that's influenced Twilight into submitting sexually. It all flows at about the right place for Twilight being desperately infatuated and discovering a fetish if you account for her will being compromised without her knowledge. I'd kind of hoped for more trigger use, but as you said that's coming, and I'm always more interested by the hypnosis itself than the sex it's used to acquire.

Cmon Twilight, you're just going to give into your desire?
Well...I'm going to say it's good for her for now but if this goes farther then the bedroom it's going to cause trouble.

The pacing's a little quick, in my opinion, and Twilight's fantasies are a little foggy on whether Starlight's conditioning her to have these dreams or to believe actual encounters were dreams instead.

At any rate, it might do you some good to clarify which of the two is occurring in a future chapter, and possibly go a bit more into detail from Starlight's perspective as well. We're currently seeing what's happening through Twilight's narrow lens, and it'd do to give Starlight some "screen time", for lack of a better term, to once again see the big picture. :rainbowderp:

Based on comments so far, there definitely is a desire to see more Starlight POV and and in general some more overall details I'm thinking to start, I may insert a chapter 2.5 for those who want more details as to what is happening, and then adapt to a slightly slower rate from there. Ultimately the story must be at a pace that keeps the writing fun and productive, and that is always the baseline.

I gotta say, this is really something. Even though it was kinda creepy, the whole "Super-toothy-smiles" got my attention. Do you think that for Twilight, Stalight may subtly instruct "Remember Twilight, Big, happy smiles at all times" or something lol

I'm liking this well so far. I think there should be another chapter or two on Twilight completely submitting to Starlight before Starlight starts to go after Twilight's friends as well and have them all submit to her

My only hope for the story is that Starlight ends up getting some reason to reform for real.

I'm surprised she'd completely break down Twilight before getting in with the others at least somewhat. She obviously has confidence in Twi's acting abilities

7717359 She's hardly broken Twilight down just yet. At the moment Twilight has accepted she's into some kinky stuff. I don't tell my friends about what I get up to on that topic and don't need to be tranced into keeping mum :P

7717131 That's a distinct possibility, but there's a long long road to travel first.

Loving this so far, I'm really enjoying how evil yet subtle Starlight is atm. She's forcing Twilight into submission without having to worry about any resistance since she makes Twilight like it. What a great way to act out her revenge!
I think the pacing is fine, maybe the tiniest bit to fast but nothing major.
I really like that you're showing both sides here. Most MC-fanfics only show it from the dominant person's POV (probably because it's easier to write), but personally I enjoy reading the sub's POV much more since I think it's more interesting to see the slow and subtle changes of the mind and thoughts of the victim. And you're nailing that so far (in both of your stories) :twilightsmile:
Keep up the great work!

I really like the pacing. Despite how fast it's going, you captured perfectly how Starlight actually subtly manipulated Twilight over days and weeks.

I'm really curious now what Spike has been going through in the meantime. Are we going to get a chapter of that too anytime soon or did she really just focus on Twilight?

So what is Starlights over all plan?

7731840 You'll have to wait and see, though some aspects should be obvious enough :p

I can't wait until she gets the others to submit as well

Oh yeah. Hits me right in the fetish.

Twilight mentioning Flash and Sunset makes me want to see those two appear. In some form of another. Maybe Starlight hypnotises them into getting back together so she has Twilight for herself, or she simply expands her range of victims.

She was doing quite a bit more to Twilight than I'd guessed. Seems Twilight's a natural at obedient trance. I'm glad we got to see more detail on it; the kitchen scene was great.

Darn, and again we didn't get to hear what she told Spike. Darn tease. :derpytongue2:

Hmm. Starlight has been secretly planting instructions in Spike, and Twilight had a sudden surge of "inspiration" regarding the Crystalling; work which involves Spike.

I wonder if she's planning to go after the Crystal Heart, or maybe Flurry Heart?

I hope that Starlight get what's coming to her, she better be defeated and made into Twilight's student or sex pet, too bad that Tirek is sealed away he could drain her of her magic and free Twilight and Spike of the brainwashing that Starlight put them into.

There is a bit of a split on this topic as a previous commenter hopes for Starlight to get truly reformed. I'd be interested on where others fall, either on Starlight eventually being reformed or getting her just desserts, or those who'd like her to win completely.

the story is interesting, but I don't like the way you ended this chapter, it doesn't feel like an ending if that makes sense.

Reformed is relative... If she makes it subtle enough that Twilight and the others can keep living their own lives in between the fun parts, that's already leaps and bounds better than her village was (or the season 5 finale).

Whichever way it goes, I hope we'll at least get to see her work on Twilight's other friends before that happens. :scootangel:

7752917 Maybe it feels that way because the ending has some ambiguity as to what's about to happen next. In the parlance of tropes you could say the chapter ends with a fade to black.

7752377 Starlight winning all the way

Honestly I think i would like it best if starlight gets truly reformed... but still ends up as sub Twilight's dom.

Twilight sure is easy to hypnotize. But I guess she's been trained a bit already, and she's clearly a natural. I personally liked the chapters ending... Though I also like seeing her after she put under. Now that Twilight consciously submits to hypnosis Starlight has a lot more leeway in triggers, and in routinely training her. Can't wait to read more.

I'd kind of like Starlight winning, though being reformed would be OK too.

Well, reform is nice, getting her karma is nicer... and personally, I would love it if Starlight ended up as Sunburst's sex slave. ^_^

7752377 Personally, I think I'm more interested in a middle ground being reached, here.

The Mane 6 eventually figure out what's happening, but realize they kinda like the new "normal". So, they ensure Starlight doesn't extend her influence further than who she already has control over, but agree to stay Starlight's playthings, when reasonable. So, Starlight doesn't exactly get punished/reformed for what she's doing, but doesn't really get carte blanche either.

How you would approach writing that ending, I would leave to you, however. :trollestia:


Everyone ultimately consenting is my least favorite outcome in these sort of stories. What's even the point of mind control then? Half the fetish is about removal or impairment of free will.

7762756 We can agree to disagree, then.

Mind control as a mechanism to remove autonomy is fun, but it doesn't necessarily have to be a one-sided relationship.

For example, I've seen you comment around on Wintermist's Friendship is Mind Control and it's sequel. It originally started as a story where Twilight was singularly dominating them, and later evolved into a somewhat-consensual relationship with those she's controlling. I was merely offering the possibility of a similar outcome occurring in this, given Starlight's very different personality here to Twilight's - it'd be interesting to see how the dynamic would change.

And at the end of the day, it's not my story, so it's really Windy's call on what direction the story goes. It was just a suggestion. :applejackunsure:

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