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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Pacing's a bit fast bu at the same time content isn't too in depth. I was hoping to see a bit more Of th manipulation side of things on top of the effects.
It's been ambiguous whether the fantasies were Starlight hypnotizing her into feeling them, or if she was hypnotizing her into thinking they hadn't been real. Still on my toes as to her plans for what to do next; she has Twilight totally wrapped around her... Uh... Let's say finger.
I like the current pacing. We saw that she hypnotized her and implanted a trigger and trust, an example of the hypnosis over the last few days, and now how that's influenced Twilight into submitting sexually. It all flows at about the right place for Twilight being desperately infatuated and discovering a fetish if you account for her will being compromised without her knowledge. I'd kind of hoped for more trigger use, but as you said that's coming, and I'm always more interested by the hypnosis itself than the sex it's used to acquire.
Cmon Twilight, you're just going to give into your desire?
Well...I'm going to say it's good for her for now but if this goes farther then the bedroom it's going to cause trouble.
The pacing's a little quick, in my opinion, and Twilight's fantasies are a little foggy on whether Starlight's conditioning her to have these dreams or to believe actual encounters were dreams instead.
At any rate, it might do you some good to clarify which of the two is occurring in a future chapter, and possibly go a bit more into detail from Starlight's perspective as well. We're currently seeing what's happening through Twilight's narrow lens, and it'd do to give Starlight some "screen time", for lack of a better term, to once again see the big picture.
Based on comments so far, there definitely is a desire to see more Starlight POV and and in general some more overall details I'm thinking to start, I may insert a chapter 2.5 for those who want more details as to what is happening, and then adapt to a slightly slower rate from there. Ultimately the story must be at a pace that keeps the writing fun and productive, and that is always the baseline.
I gotta say, this is really something. Even though it was kinda creepy, the whole "Super-toothy-smiles" got my attention. Do you think that for Twilight, Stalight may subtly instruct "Remember Twilight, Big, happy smiles at all times" or something lol
I'm liking this well so far. I think there should be another chapter or two on Twilight completely submitting to Starlight before Starlight starts to go after Twilight's friends as well and have them all submit to her
My only hope for the story is that Starlight ends up getting some reason to reform for real.
I'm surprised she'd completely break down Twilight before getting in with the others at least somewhat. She obviously has confidence in Twi's acting abilities
7717359 She's hardly broken Twilight down just yet. At the moment Twilight has accepted she's into some kinky stuff. I don't tell my friends about what I get up to on that topic and don't need to be tranced into keeping mum :P
7717131 That's a distinct possibility, but there's a long long road to travel first.
Loving this so far, I'm really enjoying how evil yet subtle Starlight is atm. She's forcing Twilight into submission without having to worry about any resistance since she makes Twilight like it. What a great way to act out her revenge!
I think the pacing is fine, maybe the tiniest bit to fast but nothing major.
I really like that you're showing both sides here. Most MC-fanfics only show it from the dominant person's POV (probably because it's easier to write), but personally I enjoy reading the sub's POV much more since I think it's more interesting to see the slow and subtle changes of the mind and thoughts of the victim. And you're nailing that so far (in both of your stories)
Keep up the great work!
I really like the pacing. Despite how fast it's going, you captured perfectly how Starlight actually subtly manipulated Twilight over days and weeks.
I'm really curious now what Spike has been going through in the meantime. Are we going to get a chapter of that too anytime soon or did she really just focus on Twilight?
Oh yeah. Hits me right in the fetish.
Twilight mentioning Flash and Sunset makes me want to see those two appear. In some form of another. Maybe Starlight hypnotises them into getting back together so she has Twilight for herself, or she simply expands her range of victims.
I think the pacing seems good and I am enjoying seeing where this is going. Very fun to see from Twilight's perspective and how she has realized her "feelings" due to her research. Her dismissing Starlight messing with her dreams makes me wonder if Starlight thought ahead and made sure Twilight didn't stumble onto anything that would make her too suspicious. It'll certainly be fun to see Twilight do all the things she read on submission to Starlight.
And intriguing to see Twilight had some feelings for Sunset (best pony/human). I would love to see her come in and see what would happen when she and Starlight butted heads. It'd be fun to see who would come out on top there.
Except that now that you've added this previous pacing chapter, she has.
Also, see typo in comment above.
tagging to make sure you see this:
7716260
I’m really loving this Starlight. She’s methodical and brilliant like in the show, but she’s not at all sadistic or cruel, even if her motives are self-serving, so she’s fun to root for.