As Sly sat in the courtroom waiting for the judge to arrive, he glanced over to where the lawyer he'd been assigned was sitting. He almost couldn't believe his luck. Sitting next to him was a defense attorney who was famous world wide for having never failed a case, despite having been a lawyer for several centuries...a phoenix by the name of Porcupine. When asked why he went by such a name, he would only ever say it was an obscure joke before changing the subject.
As the judge arrived, Sly straightened, ready to face justice. Even with this lawyer on his side...he knew he'd done the crimes. He knew that everyone knew it. And he knew that Carmelita - who knew intimate details of the Gang's workings - would be called as the star witness, the one who'd captured him. It was bound to be a lock up of a case.
Elsewhere in the courtroom, Carmelita was also waiting to be called, looking rather sick to her stomach. To keep her daughter safe, she would have to do everything in her power to throw Sly in jail...despite the fact that she wanted more than anything to fail. Still, she would do her duty. She was a cop. She would just have to find a way to learn to live with it...
At long last, Carmelita took the stand, answering questions for the prosecution as she delineated every time she'd seen Sly at the scenes of crimes, every theft laid at his doorstep, and every calling card she'd ever found. She could see in the judge's face that this was going to be more than enough evidence to throw Sly in jail, possibly for life given how many grand thefts it totaled. Unless that Porcupine had a masterful strategy, Sly was doomed.
"Cross examination?" the judge asked, turning towards Porcupine...who up until now hadn't asked a single question of any witness.
Smiling, Porcupine stood up and walked up to in front of the witness stand, his ancient gaze taking Carmelita in in her entirety, seeming to gaze right into her soul. "Inspector Carmelita Fox," he asked calmly, "how much do you know of Sly Cooper outside of your hunting of him?"
Carmelita blinked in surprise. She hadn't expected this sort of questioning. "A...good amount," she allowed. "I'm not sure how to quantify it."
"Do you know the events that led him to become an orphan?" Porcupine asked flatly.
There was a stir throughout the courtroom. That tidbit of information hadn't been brought up as of yet. "I do," Carmelita confirmed.
"Elucidate," Porcupine instructed.
"The criminal known as Clockwerk had long hated Sly's family," Carmelita explained. "Somewhere in excess of several centuries. He finally tracked down Sly's father...and killed and devoured him." Carmelita heard someone in the vast chamber struggling not to vomit. "It is my understanding that Sly was hiding in a nearby closet as this was happening...and witnessed it through the door crack and keyhole."
"Then, it would be understandable that Sly might dedicate himself in taking down this Clockwerk, who was wanted dead or alive with a bounty in excess of twenty million American dollars on his head," Porcupine observed to no one in particular. "This would explain his fierce battle against Clockwerk himself, which you were both a witness and participant in, and his pursuit of recovering his still functional parts from the Klaww Gang, another gang of criminals...another sequence of events you were witness to and, in the later stages, a participant of."
Carmelita lowered her gaze, afraid this was going to get her indicted right alongside Sly. That wouldn't be good for Coco.
"Aside from the thefts of the Clockwerk parts - which evidence indicates you encouraged as part of an Interpol operation to prevent his resurrection and - failing that - take him down permanently, did you actually witness Sly or anyone in his gang perform any actual thefts?" Porcupine asked sharply.
Carmelita jerked her head up in surprise, as did the judge. She hadn't thought her involvement in the Klaww Gang incidents could be classified as a long running undercover op utilizing criminal resources. That placed all Sly's 'crimes' during the hunt for the parts firmly in the grey area of 'legal if not strictly ethical'. Returning to the actual question, Carmelita responded, "...no sir, I never actually saw him or any associate of his steal anything but the Clockwerk parts."
"Has any security camera ever captured Sly or any member of his gang in the act of theft?" Porcupine continued.
"...no, they have not," Carmelita confirmed.
"Has any eye witness come forth to finger Sly or his 'gang' for a theft?"
"...no, they have not," Carmelita murmured, her voice awed as she suddenly saw where this was going.
"Then on what evidence was Sly and his associates fingered as responsible for so many thefts?" Porcupine inquired diffidently.
"The...raccoon mask calling cards," Carmelita explained. "Many of which were found in Sly's possession."
"This is true," Porcupine allowed. "However, I submit defense exhibits A through G, being a supply of such masks in my possession, your possession, and the possession of the Honorable Judges five children respectively." He smirked softly. "The furor around the so-called 'Cooper heists' made for much interest across the world, and duplicates of said 'calling cards' are available in any collector's shop. Surely you wouldn't accuse the Judge's children of these crimes for owning the masks?"
"N-no sir," Carmelita insisted firmly. "However, I also saw Sly and his associates at the various locations the thefts occurred in."
"You were there," Porcupine pointed out. "Should we accuse you?"
Carmelita said nothing in response.
"Let us instead turn to one area of evidence considered above reproach," Porcupine continued. "Inspector Fox...is there any forensic evidence at any of the crime scenes connected to the so called 'Cooper Gang' that connects them to the thefts?"
"...no," Carmelita finally allowed. Of course there wouldn't be, she thought silently. Sly told me himself the first Cooper family technique he learned was one to ensure he never left any of his 'essence' - that very forensic evidence - behind, and he probably taught Murray and Bentley.
Porcupine turned to look the judge in the eye. "While I in no way impugn Inspector Fox's skills as an Interpol Officer nor imply that her arrest of my client was in any way a bad arrest, the fact of the matter is that there is not enough evidence to implicate my client's guilt in any of the cases being addressed this day, save those where he was working alongside Interpol to take down a creature far worse than even what he was made out to be. As such, I hereby move for a summary dismissal of all charges."
The judge stared at Porcupine for a time, then turned to where the prosecuting attorney was hanging his head, plainly at a complete loss. "...motion granted," the judge allowed, banging his gavel. "Next case."
Sly stared in shock as Porcupine walked back to his side. "And now you know why I told you not to enter a plea," he whispered before making his way out of the court.
Guess Phoenix was Wright all along.
It looks like Sly got out of a prickly situation.
I say this chapter is evidence that Sly is in good hands.
...This is why having a good lawyer makes all the difference in the world.
Personally, I feel our dear lawyer should have been named Hedgehog. Because nobody...
7998079 I was thinking it was Phoenix Wright, you just confirmed my suspicions.
Ooooh you... was that lawyer a reference to who I think it was?
Nice!
Lawyers... they can be both good and bad.... but when you get a lawyer like Porcupine here, you get a happy ending and a reasonable bill
I don't care if it's obvious.
38.media.tumblr.com/a172f5a87dfe4af3be7d6333d6dbc20d/tumblr_nkwv21UbqS1u9kkmzo1_400.gif
the sly family should hire phoenix as their primary lawyer
... Now that was genius, Sly was such a good thief, that without an actual recorded confession or eye witness, any charges laid against him can be dismissed due to lack of evidence.
Bravo Tats, Bravo.
...and here I thought Sly was going to be brought in as a witness against The Contessa. That said, this chapter worked out nicely, even if I don't know how the name "Porcupine" relates to the video game Defense Attorney that he was clearly modeled after.
7998209
Because Phoenix Wright has porcupine hair, so commenters said last chapter that the lawyer should be a phoenix or a porcupine...so I made it a Phoenix named Porcupine.
All I know of Phoenix Wright comes from the crossover Turnabout Storm, so I'm not the best to say, but it seems an okay assumption.
7998200 That and he pretty much onoy steals from other criminals, which means they've got less funds and hus less equipment which is good for law enforcement.
The stones on that lawyer. Yikes.
I am not a phoenix wright fan so I don't know the obscure joke. But yet again this has taken me completely by surprise.
7998289
It's a reference to how Phoenix's hair is so spiky it looks like a Porcupine.
A courtcase without a single Objection being shouted? Blasphemy!
DANG!
Porcupine got some Skillz!
7998157 what makes you think he isn't? he is over 100 years old, he could be a Cooper family ally.
Wow... This was certainly one of your more interesting chapters.
I don't know what response is best: DAMN!, HOLY $HIT! or pull my jaw out of the floor.
7998358 For all we know he could have been part of the original gang
Okay I love the Phoenix Wright character, I get that Phoenix has really spikey hair, and I really enjoyed the chapter. But one thing makes me sad, there was no objections that entire time! I mean it's basically the number one thing everyone knows about Phoenix Wright!
So...
And here I was fearing this trial.
I think this sums up this chapter nicely.
That Phoenix Wright reference, though
That's actually spelled indicted.
Whelp. There goes that plan.
loopholes are amazing.
Jaw meet floor, brain meet explosion
I have only one thing to say in regards to this trial: "Damn" And not in the bad way mind you.
Also, Obvious Phoenix Wright reference, but without an objection? Kind of sad but it makes sense since this isn't about him, (It'd be fun to see a spinoff about him though in the future).
OBJECTION!
...My first thought is why does something about that lawyer seem familiar? While my next thought is that Tatsurou is a cheeky guy who has either incredible luck or is a genius when it comes to writing! I think it's a majority of the latter and a smidge of the former!!!
7998533 Ace Attorney. Look it up.
7998405
This is amazingly fitting. I can totally see this being the theme for this chapter.
indicted
I know the lawyer was suppose to be Phoenix Wright but my voice for him in this was the hyper-space chicken from Futurama
WHERE WAS THE OBJECTIONS!?
WHERE WAS THE HOLD ITS!?
Oh well. We got him in there at least.
Awwwww shiiiiiit
But seriously? Lawyer for centuries and never lost a case?
I was waiting the whole time for the objection, then for the table slam, but this Phoenix seems a bit more level headed than Phoenix Wright.
Also if he's a phoenix, does that mean he occasionally appears in court as a toddler because he recently reincarnated? And also has he ever defended a Cooper before? Or been saved by a Cooper? I feel some Time shenanigans coming on.
Man I need to get lawyer like that.
Now that is a good lawyer
I loved this, for all the thefts Sly did, outside of the ones done during the Clockwork parts hunt, were dismissed because of lack of enough physical evidence to prove one way or another. as to if he actually did them beyond his physical presence near the location, and the traditional calling card.
and the crimes that they can prove are stuck in a Cache 22, because it they prosecute Sly for the ones committed during the "undercover" operation they will have to arrest and prosecute most of if not every undercover officer they have.
That lawyer is good.
7998722 I actually did know that I was just a saying that at first I was confused on who it was! ...And now I want to quote Jack Black! "I was testing you and you passed!"
Phoenix, you've done it again!
Tatsurou. You my friend are so awesome!!
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You have an obvious phoenix Wright jokes and not a single Objection!. For shame... I kid but yeah.
7999862 Good, don't cover this guy
If I ever need one, that's the lawyer I want.
7998217 A porcupine named Phoenix would also have bees acceptable.
7999171 Most recent game has time travel, might happen then.