Time Out: Go Ninja Go
At this point we pulled Mom out of the Geisha House. Not only would it not fit her cover to remain there after El Jefe's 'gift' - which turned out to be exactly what he said it was with no traps or tricks hidden within, we checked - we had more than enough information to make our move now. We were going after the Dragon and Sword Gates. Mom and Dad would be going after the Dragon Gate, where the guards were already unconscious from the sleep-dosed sushi rolls Rioichi had made, clearing the path to the Sword Gate. Rioichi, Uncle Bentley, Uncle Murray and I would be hitting the Sword Gate, with Uncle Murray and Uncle Bentley tackling the guards - literally and figuratively - while Rioichi and I went for the gates themselves. Since Dad wasn't fully recovered from his amnesia, we were keeping him out of direct combat until we actually got to El Jefe in the palace. The last thing we wanted was a relapse in the middle of a time travel adventure. According to Felicia, contiguous memory was probably the only thing keeping us from accidentally unmaking ourselves through incautious action.
Before joining everyone else, I did ask Felicia about what I kept seeing with Bentley. I hoped she could explain it...
Felicia gnawed on her lower lip thoughtfully. "I don't know that much about time travel magic," she began, "but it kind of sounds like you have a Schrodinger situation on your hands."
"Schrodinger?" Coco asked curiously.
"He was a feline scientist who speculated on the nature of observation and phenomena," Felicia explained. "He had a theory that stated if you put a rat in a box with poisoned cheese and sealed the box to the outside world so none could observe, there were two possibilities. Either the rat would eat the poisoned cheese and die, or not and live. Ergo, until the box was opened, the rat was in a superposition of being alive and dead at the same time."
"What about the third possibility that the rat asphyxiates from being in a hermetically sealed environment with limited oxygen?" Coco pointed out.
Felicia shrugged. "No one ever said he was on the right track with that theory. However, it does work when applied to time travel...especially here. Something hasn't already happened yet that, if it does, will make it impossible for Bentley to have made this trip with you. If it happens, then Gyro Gearloose would have made the trip with you in control of the time machine. If not, then it's still Bentley."
"When you say 'impossible for him to go with us'..." Coco began nervously.
"Best not to think about it," Felicia cautioned. "Remember, contiguous memory."
That's all she'd say on the subject. It left me very nervous as we moved to storm El Jefe's palace. Storming the first gate went off without a hitch, but as we moved between the Dragon Gate and the Sword Gate...
As the group moved along the bridge between the gates, the seemingly solid structure began to rumble. As everyone shifted to get their balance, a massive dirigible slowly rose up between the soaring stone structures. It was colored grey and red, with fins to either side for some reason.
"That belongs to Le Paradox!" Carmelita hissed out fiercely. "I found the device that brought me here on it!"
"Then we should try to reach it for answers!" Sly insisted, leading the charge further.
To their surprise, the Sword Gate stood open, and El Jefe himself stood in front of it, laughing smugly. "End of the line, Coopers!" he called out challengingly. "Get them you fools!"
The Sword Gate slammed shut in front of him as several of Le Paradox's minions swarmed the bridge. Other than being confirmation of what Carmelita had said, however, this proved to actually be an easier challenge than it could have been. After all, none of the small troops were going to be able to hit Sly hard enough to risk his memory, and it gave Coco and Rioichi plenty of time to get under the wooden bridge and throw the switches to open the Sword Gate.
Once the gate was open, the group charged in...only for El Jefe to leap down from above the gate, pinning Rioichi to the ground before swiping his cane. "Ha!" he declared dismissively. "It's mine!"
"My cane!" Rioichi called out desperately.
Before anyone could react, El Jefe drew his twin swords and dragged them through the wooden bridge as he raced to the other side, collapsing most of the bridge and leaving the remaining sections on fire. "You lose, Coopers!" El Jefe called out. "I need to deliver this puny stick to a new owner!"
Only Dad and I were able to traverse the gap left behind...though not for lack of trying on Mom's part. It wasn't that she wasn't agile enough to make the jumps, though. It was the fact that the first jump led to her jumping right back to put out her tail.
Of course, even just crossing that gap wasn't enough. El Jefe had retreated to the top of his statue for a fight he felt was on his terms. When we actually got up there, it turned out El Jefe was at least somewhat skilled in magic...skilled enough, at any rate, that he was able to unleash fireballs and lightning from his twin swords. I kept my distance, trying to find a good opportunity to get him with a needle...but Dad charged in for a direct fight.
I was glad to see Dad hadn't lost his combat skills, and gladder still to see he wasn't bothering with trash talking, saving his focus for keeping himself alive. His lack of chatter seemed to confuse El Jefe, though. It wasn't long before he had El Jefe on the ropes...and then he did something that surprised me.
As El Jefe struggled to breathe under Sly's onslaught, he readied his swords for one last attack. It was becoming hard to channel the lightning and fire, and it wouldn't be long before he wouldn't be able to. Still, he had taken this contract, and he would see it through to the end.
Sly suddenly lowered his cane. "You can back off, El Jefe," he stated flatly. "I have no personal quarrel with you. Give me back Rioichi's cane, and you can leave."
"What?" El Jefe demanded angrily. "Why would you let an opponent leave without crushing them?"
"Because I'm ruthless, not heartless," Sly stated flatly. "Just like you."
El Jefe's eyes widened in shock. He then chuckled darkly. "So I was tricked then too, was I? You think you can identify with me after tricking me-"
"That was my fiance in that disguise," Sly interrupted. "The illness she spoke of was my amnesia, which I'm still recovering from. Our daughter lost her appetite worrying over me."
El Jefe stared at him, silenced.
"What motivates you, El Jefe?" Sly asked curiously. "What drives you? What is in the present so important you'd take a job to conquer the past?"
El Jefe lowered his blades. "...some distance south of the Panda King's lands, there is a dojo on a mountaintop," he explained softly. "It is run by an ancient tortoise and a wise red panda. Most of the money I make goes to keeping that dojo and the community built up around it running...because I entrusted my daughter to their care, and I want her to have a future I could not give her."
Sly stared in shock. "What do you mean?"
El Jefe chuckled darkly. "A mercenary who overthrows countries for the highest bidder...what kind of father is that? Especially when the mother was a nameless slave I dallied with after overthrowing such a country while waiting to hand over the country to the bidder? She does not know this of her origins, and as far as I am concerned she never will! Better she have a clean slate and a safe place to grow than what she would have if she knew me!" He lifted his swords once more. "I will not yield here, Cooper! I have too much at stake!"
"You aren't the only one," Sly replied as he readied his cane for the battle. "But you won't win."
"We shall see!" El Jefe began to gather fire and lightning in his swords at once...a dangerous technique that drained his vital energy, but the only one he had left.
"I'll keep an eye on that place if I'm the one who returns safe to the present," Sly promised as he braced himself.
El Jefe blinked in surprise. He had not expected that statement. Then again...ruthless, not heartless. He raised his swords to strike...only to hear a tinkling of a glass container dropping onto the wood. Glancing down, he recognized Le Paradox's label. With a roar, he brought both swords down onto the platform, releasing a discharge that sent Sly flying back off of it.
The capsule erupted, releasing its deadly compound. El Jefe focused, slowing his heartbeat as much as he could. If he could just...keep himself...from breathing too much...it would...disi...pate...
Le Paradox's troops swiped the cane before Dad or I could get close enough to do anything. Thankfully, they dropped something on their way out...a sheriff's star, showing signs of coming from the 1880's, in the Old West. Tennessee Kid Cooper.
That story would wait for another time, though. First we took El Jefe back to the present. He'd managed to survive the toxin just barely...but he seemed to have no memory of who he was, or what he had been. We contacted the Panda King, hoping he could help us.
He was apparently aware of the settlement El Jefe had talked about, and the dojo. With a little help, he found a noodle shop whose owner - a goose - was in need of a new assistant. It seemed a good place for the blank slate El Jefe had become to rebuild.
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Kung fu panda reference
you made El Jefe the father to Master Tigress, from Kung Fu PandaÂ
..............Okay, THAT was in interesting twist for El Jefe. There was already Ducktales added to the story, why NOT add Kung Fu Panda?
If anything, having him being the father of Master Tigress is a nice twist. Hope the epilogue of this story ends up being, in a way, like the epilogue of "Sparkle In His Eye" where it is a somewhat long multichapter arc. I'd like to see that kind of epilogue for this story as well so we can find out what has happened with characters like El Jefe and see how things turned out after some time.
Kung Fu Panda?
Shoulda known Carmelita was too hot to handle that bridge section. She was practically smoking.
Guess El Jefe has a really soft spot for her little Tigress. I do wonder when his job will be taking place as he could have a meeting of epic Po-portions.
Penelope has been working to keep at least of Bentley’s family alive is my guess as to what’s going on. Talk about a lose\lose! Do you hope that he gets to live with family or hope that something happens and he gets to stay with the gang?
I may be wrong, but I can't recall any of the PWNY-verse stories that drew from as many different sources as this one.
Yesh next thing you do is somehow make Po and the Panda King related.
8333630
They arn't?
8333608
Three More Things! probably has this story beat in that department... but only by numbers. Factor in IMPORTANCE though, and this story wins hands down!
i always wondered, was Kung Fu Panda even set in present time china? I know they have cannons and fireworks which is already present even before the turn of first century.
8333608
Dante's Little Apple Surprise, for one. Especially towards the end.
Well now, interesting spin on things, but I still worry about what could happen to Bently... then again... they arn't unfamiliar with rewrighting history...
Be riiiiiight back, I have to check on something. *A few hours through TV Tropes later...*
Yep. It's possible for another cameo of the McDuck variety!
8333608
Sudden inspiration- wonder if Tats is going to give Swat Kats a nod in this story at some point. The Coopers keep showing off old acquaintances, maybe Carmelita could get in on the fun with two crazy cats she knew in Basic the next time they need air support?
And speaking of Kung Fu Panda...
Coco: ...I don't have fingers.
8333656
it's not really, but since when has something as unimportant as when does such events happen actually been required to make a good story.
El Jefe Tigress' father? You always surprise me with your ideas.
Wow. This time Schroedinger IS the cat. Clever!
8333849
Don't be specist. It might have been Viper. In the world of talking animals, love takes strange turns.
8333901
Wouldn't she have had some more obvious crossbreed traits, like Felicia? Also, don't know if Tats is referencing it, but Tigress came from an orphanage while Viper grew up with her kung-fu master father.
...Stork noodle shop owner... Dojo owned by a red panda... tiger student... TATS, YOU MAGNIFICENT B
D! (That being said: fairly certain Oogway's a tortoise, not a turtle. Minor distinction, I know, but I figured I'd point it out.)
So, you going to work the Panda King into Po's story, or maybe vice-versa?
8333631
I wouldn't be surprised if they are.
8333634
Fair enough, yeah.
8333675
Ooh, yeah. Forgot about that one, mostly because I know very little about the series.
I'm really going to be the first one to post this? I'm starting to feel OLD...
hUH.... Now that's a good way of redeeming a guy like El Jefe. Love the tie in to Kung Fu Panda... though I have to wonder if Po was related to the Panda King in anyway.
Minor nitpick, Mr. Ping is a goose, not a stork
8334175
let the side chapter to this thought begin
Kind of sad that the part when El Jefe brakes the forth wall was not included. Oh well.
8334031
Would "Nopony I'd Rather Be Than Me" count? You'd think it stopped at arcade video games but then BOOM! You get more pony connections, a hand held game connection, Toy Story, and Tron!
OK I guess it rivals this story.
Very interesting tie-in with El Jefe. This story's really picking up.
Makes me wonder where and when Seft will pop in...
8334175
Po is the long-lost nephew of Panda King. Either that or he's the one who ends up being with Jing in the future.
Just a thought =P
Major spoiler for Sly 4 and likely future events here, so don't read if you don't already know:
I suspect that Coco keeps seeing Gyro because of Penelope. In the game, she is whom Le Paradox got the time travel devices from, and that seems to be the same here. The difference is the conversation she had with Coco. I suspect she is working unwillingly at this point, and if she tried to pull out then Le Paradox will kill Bentley and that's why Coco is seeing Gyro. Coco starts to see Gyro every time Penelope starts to try to find a way to betray Le Paradox.
Sly Cooper, Ducktales, Darkwing Duck, AND Kung Fu Panda?!
What else are you gonna bring into this?
8334440
True, but that was also based on Wreck-It Ralph, which is a massive crossover in its own right.
8334391
when you have a flexible world like Sly cooper, then by all means, flex away.
Awesome chapter, love the twist with Jefe being KFP Tigress father.
8334708
Alright. You know what I hope to read? Celestia's story.
I'm not much of a Trekkie beyond the reboot movies, Voyager, Enterprise, and what little DS9 I have seen.
8334563
I'm gonna take a shot in the dark and say it may be something from a Nickelodeon show with animals like sly cooper. but im not sure they have anything like that
8335154
They had the Penguins of Madagascar in their own show at one point.
8334391
An awesome one.
Had to look it up, found out that is what Shifu is. I always thought he was some sort of giant mouse.
The more you know, huh?
8333803
Please make that happen. The Swat Kats were freaking awesome!
8334518
I get the feeling...not quite. Remember, Penelope and La Paradox are trying to change time, and look back at what Penelope's actual goal was, during that conversation...what was said. I get the feeling...Bentley's reason for not being available, under that timeline...isn't his death. And I get the feeling that's a battle that's coming that wasn't quite in the original game.
8335540
Indeed.
Ayyyyyy! The references in this!
Oooohohoho, man... that was fantastic! Oooooh, I love it.
Good show!
8335540
8334732
there is such a thing as TO FLEXABLE!!!!
A mercenary warlord that conquers entire countries is funding the Jade Palace!?
Ironic, is it not?
can you add a ref to Seeoahtlahmakaskay and Woo to this at some point