• Member Since 7th May, 2012
  • offline last seen January 6th

Amit


This is a superfluous feature and you should feel superfluous.

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Pinkie Pie stands vigil over a dying Rainbow Dash.

A series of laconic vignettes.

Chapters (8)
Comments ( 76 )

Was there something that happened before this? If there was, will you write it down? And will you also be writing any more chapters to this?

Good story by the way, but raises a lot of qustions as to what happened.

I'm assuming we'll get a flashback scene stating what happened. Quite emotional, and beautiful. You have a poetic style of writing others can only hope of copying.

"A series of vignettes written in laconic style, to be updated sporadically."
That part of the description makes me think this will be a WYSIWYG story. :applejackunsure: Don't hold your breath for any flashbacks. :pinkiegasp:

This is really nice and well written, I look forward to more.

One small thing I found: "That was really really dangerous and I was really really worried."

You switched to first person there.

like it so far:heart:

781275
It's all implications. See: Hills Like White Elephants, where the word 'abortion' is never said even once but you still know what's being discussed.

781576
Note the faux-dialogue tag. See: Ender's Game, where he goes into 'I's quite often.

781684

What is the point of that? Subconsciously connects the reader with Pinkie Pie?

781708
Did it?

Then it was meant to do that. :twilightsheepish:

Hm so Pinkie Pie is cutting a lot of work to tend to a dying Rainbow Dash. :applejackunsure:

785350
While I respect your interpretation, I intended to imply that she wasn't actually 'cutting' work, or going out.

The major implication was that she just doesn't want to cry in front of Dash, so she cries for hours and pretends that she's gone.

That being said, you're perfectly valid in your assumption.

785364 Oh o.k., I just hope Rainbow Dash dosen't find out about this. :rainbowhuh:

Wow man... This story made my heart ache with sadness... I love this tale... :fluttercry:

This really is rather excellent :pinkiesad2:

Rainbow Dash flies again. :pinkiehappy:

792254
The heavy implication was that Twilight's magic was a simple illusion spell, but that works too, I guess.

792262 Oh I see, kind of like a dying wish for Rainbow Dash and Twilight just made it come true. :twilightsmile:

This is so simple, yet so very heartbreaking. I love it.

May i enquire as to what rainbow's age is supposed to be during these events?

796401
I dunno. Pinkie seems fine, perhaps somewhat older, so I'd assume they're show age.

It's irrelevant to the story, either way, so I don't know.

796422
It kinda is relevant. Did Dash get struck down at the top of her game, or is she going out with a whimper after years of glory? Those are slightly different stories.

796451
I don't know. It's up to you to read the story and come to the conclusions that make sense from that which has been written.

At first i thought tat dashie was just old but since pinkie is still somewhat ok and the cakes are still alive it doesnt seem that likely:twilightsmile:

So the spell wore off huh, bummer Dashie was so happy. :pinkiesad2:

796530 Well who knows some people can live for a very long time and never get really sick until the end and others well they're not as lucky, sometimes it just happens. :twilightoops:

And now Rainbow Dash can't even go to the bathroom on her own, dang that has to suck. :rainbowlaugh:

796462
Well, if it's up to me, then the entire thing is an illusion made by Voldemort and Harry needs to snap out of it soon.:trollestia:

I love this story. Simple situations, pure emotions, no superfluous narration. It surely has an emotional impact.

However, it's Weltschmerz, not Weltzschmerz.

801536
Fixed, and thanks.

“and chew for me with my hands”
Is it an error?

Anyway, I'm curious where is this story going. I guess Dash will keep getting worse, and the final chapter will hint (but only hint, nothing more) that Pinkie had to solve some important moral dilemma. But that's pure speculation.

801564
Fixed as well, and I'm glad the story's gotten you curious.

Profound and moving. If I may ask, did you have any specific disease/condition in mind for Dash?
I notice a "complete" tag. Aww...

808333
I considered it, for a while, but it's not really relevant so I decided not to elaborate.

I might write an epilogue some time later, but yeah. Complete.

so....this fic is over? :pinkiesad2:

"Pinkie reached over and brought her hands..."

Really depressing, but also incredibly heartwarming. Good work.

Nice work, well done.
I love that you left many things vague, it is a great example of "show, don't tell".

Couple of corrections:
"Giggle at the ghostly
Guffaw at the grossly
Crack up at the creepy
Whoop it up with the weepy
Chortle at the kooky
Snortle at the spooky"
(mlp.wikia.com)

What do you think I'm gonna go after, Pinkie?” Should be "Where".

808557
Fixed, and thanks. This was basically an experiment: what if I always showed and never telled?

I'm pleased with the results; I think I'll be doing it more often.

I rather enjoyed this fic. It effectively delivered its message without boring by extending detail where it was completely unnecessary, and certainly made me have some feels. A job well done. :twilightsmile:

This story made my heart ache. Well done.

:raritydespair: Wait does that mean Pinkie is too?......:raritycry:

827649
Matter of interpretation. I, personally, think that Pinkie's just happy enough to ignore the cold and roughness, and that they symbolise the difficulty in getting over grief. One of my pre-readers, back when it was written more towards my own belief, still thought that Pinkie had died; as such, I made it amenable to either possibility.

827678 Okay I can see what you were gong for, it's just that typical in most literature I have read, the sudden warmth and fading of the environmental stigma implies passing rather heavily. It's not a bad thing but it does make sense honestly, I think Pinkie wasting away as well was kind of inadvertently implied before. Constant grief is not good for anyone and a prolonged death like Dash's would be very draining on those close to her.:applejackunsure:

827697
Exactly. Either way makes sense. The whole point of this little series of vignettes is to juxtapose the suffering of the dying with the grief of the bereaved. It is meant to show the value of little palliations, and to show - this is so cliché - the power of friendship. The actual power of friendship - mental, not magical. Whether Dash really did come to Pinkie, or whether Pinkie imagined Dash, or whether Pinkie is dead, or whether it's all a dream - that doesn't really matter, because in the end Pinkie is happy.

The major themes are represented; the details you can puzzle out.

827755 With that motivation in mind the series did an excellent job of portraying that, I just wanted to explain my thoughts that led to my conclusion. I did quite enjoy this series even if it is much more downcast than most stories I read, it is very well written and the characters act just as I imagine they would in this position, as well as actually feeling natural in their responses. :pinkiesmile:

827788
Thank you. A critical reader is always a wonderful sight to behold.

827807 The best part to me is that this is the only story I've commented on. :rainbowderp: Usually I just read a story and either like or close them (I rarely actually dislike something), but this story just got me in the mood to respond.

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