- Member Since 7th Dec, 2014
- offline last seen Feb 25th, 2018
Alyssa Hartwick
These battle scars, don’t look like they’re fading ,Don’t look like they’re ever going away. They ain't never gonna change. These battle scars.....
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FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Hope You All Enjoy!
If you think there is a problem or something you dislike please tell me!
I want to hear you opinions!
Thank you!
Shout out to Dragon Historian best editor aka the spellcheck Machine <9000 !
7323481
*laughs*
Prologue! Not Prologe! Lol, derp!
Great start! Very well written, and I really like where this is going ^^
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7324683
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Thank you all for your Input!
7329053 No prob!
I feel like in the first paragraph you could set Golden's introduction a little smoother. Feels kind of like you're reading off a list.
I would suggest maybe making it where you work in the description into scene to help it flow better. Like "as he trotted through the thick foliage of the forest he felt the harsh stray branches of dead trees swipe at his orange coat." Or something like that.
Good build up to the castle. I like the detail you add to get us into the scene with how his body aches after traveling so far. :)
Flutterbat is best bat.
img04.deviantart.net/f87e/i/2014/015/4/8/mlp_fim__the_vampire_brotherhood_by_alfredofroylan2-d72ah05.png
Does this guy want to die?
img09.deviantart.net/4070/i/2013/364/2/3/discord_and_flutterbat_by_joeywaggoner-d703va7.png
I like where this is going!!!
I'm looking forward to see what happens next! 
orig07.deviantart.net/f85e/f/2014/138/8/b/flutterbat_makes_a_donation_by_snapai-d7iwo9t.jpg
7329080
thank you !
Next chapter......moar....
7329385
Be patient! I have a slight case of writers block plus I got cover art to do!
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Don't rush yourself, I was just teasing
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I know
Interesting! ^^ LOL XD I'm just picturing Discord ordering out commands like a boss here. XD
Looking forward to more. ^^
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Thank you
The very opening of this chapter is literally like several knives in the heart.
...You don't call Fluttershy things like that...
Good chapter either way.
7399061
hey its just a dream
7399061
and thx!
7345965
hey have you read the recent chapter?
Apple Bloom as a little werepony is so cute!
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Figgen adorable
*See's this is on hiatus and last written 16th Jul 2016* Is it cancelled?
7703251
no just wanted to work on it later cause i hve like 4 storys that need updateing
Well it is off to a good start. Currently I would rate this as a two out of five. Now know my system starts at zero and goes up, or down. It depends on the content.
Also I noticed that you used this:
When it should be except.
I also liked how you told us what was going to happen, though it made me wonder if Golden Treasure didn't do that... but that could be for a different story. Never the less I shall continue reading.
It is still a two out of five. I found several mistakes littered throughout; I feel I should only point out a few.
This would need apostrophes, hence looking like so: "It's the 'great and powerful' Trixie--"
Another thing is that Apple Bloom is spelled like this, not like "Apple boom," and "Apple bloom." The same thing with Applejack, though that is only one word. The last thing I'll point out is that whenever a new character speaks it must be a new paragraph.
I'm slightly confused on what is going on with Discord, and why he is the Alpha... but that might be my fault for not fully reading the description... before I continue I shall go do that now, hopefully it clarifies.
8051373 You see this is actually my first fic
I will admit my cu rent stuff is a whole lot better than any of my older stuff
I thank you for taking time out of your day to rate it
If you want to see better work from me i suggest any of my one shots or any of my more up to date fics
8051389
It does say it is your first in the description... I at least read that before starting my reading. :P
I rated so I can move it to its' appropriate folder in The Shipshelf. Speaking of which I will be moving it now... one second... there I added it to the, so far, end result. I have it on my reading bookshelf, so I can change it once you get more chapters out, and I find that it got a higher rating.
I'll take you up on that offer. ^^
Are you continuing with this story?
More...?