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Batsy Fluffentuft's Adventures in Canterlot6,100 words
Batsy Fluffentuft II: The Search for Showers5,105 words
Batsy Fluffentuft III: One Last Night Before Double Ultra-Probation5,689 words

Batsy Fluffentuft III: One Last Night Before Double Ultra-Probation

I zoom through Canterlot's streets, paying no heed to anypony screaming at me as I knock their hats off and stuff. I'm late! And I'm never late, not for anything! Well, I'm late for guard duty a lot, but I'm never late for anything good!

Where in Pony's name is the Waterfall Bistro again? I snap up onto a pointed rooftop and perch there for a second, scouting around for it. Should I ask somepony for directions before I get even later? I'd only said for Taffy Winkle to meet me there because it was the only restaurant I knew of ... but only because I'd heard over and over again that it was the fanciest, and only the fanciest place is good enough for me anyway, right?

Aha! A waterfall, over there, spilling out from under the Royal Palace. That's got to be it! (You know, because Waterfall Bistro!) Who needs directions when you're as smart as me?

Still, though, it's kind of a long way there. Why does Canterlot need to be so big, anyway? It could still be really fancy without so many ponies in it, right? I think a few streets full of shops, a few more full of houses, and the Royal Palace should be plenty. But no ... it's a long, long way from wherever the heck I am now to that waterfall. Way too long for how late I am, anyway.

But I do eventually get there. And hey, there's a cafe or bistro kind of thing right there in the flat spot between where the waterfall comes down and before the next drop! Perfect! See – Batsy Fluffentuft never needs directions! I always have an innate sense of where I'm going, and it never leads me wrong.

I spiral down to the little square in front of the restaurant at breakneck speed, not because I'm tired and my wings are sore – I'm never tired – but just because I'm really late and I really need to get there as soon as possible.

Looking around, my new jewelry clinking as I do, I search for Taffy Winkle.

There he is, in a white tux! He's already walking away, his head hanging low.

I run up in front of him, skid to a halt, and then strike a dashing pose right in the middle of his path, only slightly marred by panting for breath. But the jewelry should make up for it, even though a few pieces fall off and clatter all over the street.

“Oh.” Taffy stops walking and stares at me, frowning slightly. “You made it after all.”

Not quite the reaction I was going for, but I smile anyway. “I never let anypony down!” After a few moments of consideration, though, I quietly amend my statement, “I never let anypony I like down. What are you wearing, anyway? You look like a waiter.”

“No I don't.” He rolls his eyes. “And I guess you must not like me very much, because you left me waiting at the restaurant entrance for like half an hour.”

“Nothing wrong with arriving fashionably late.” (I'd used this line on my commander before after showing up late for training exercises, but it didn't work very well then. Maybe this was a more appropriate time?)

“That's not a real thing.” He begins to walk around me. “Especially not when it's a date between just two ponies, and especially not when you set the time yourself, and especially not when you said 'don't be late'!”

“Okay, okay.” I hurry to keep up with him, jewelry jangling. “But will you come with me anyway? Come on. It'll be fun!” I flick my tail back and forth, just to make sure he knows what kind of fun I mean. (Although, really, all kinds of fun are good, aren't they? But I'm allowed to have my favorites!)

Shooting me a deadpan look, he keeps walking.

“It's not my fault! I had to follow a fancy pony back to her house and then squeeze down the chimney and hide in her bedroom while I waited forever for her to take a shower, and then I finally got mine, but I was attacked by a bunch of goons and had to kick all their butts before...” I looked over at him, seeing the way he was looking at me. “Ugh! You don't even believe me, do you?”

“Let's just admit it – this is probably all a waste of time, anyway.”

I roll my eyes and poke him with a wingtip. “Well, duh! Dating is always a huge waste of time! Ponies should just skip to getting frisky with whoever they want!”

Taffy looked away, his pink face blushing much, much pinker in a way that was really adorable.

I can't help but squeak and dance in place a little bit watching him like that. So cute! Wait – I mean hot! Yes, smoking hot ... or something. Whatever. The important thing is to get in bed with him as soon as possible. “You were the one who said we should go on a date first, so come on!” I jump in front of him and hop up and down a little. “Let's go – the sooner we finish this date, the sooner I get laid!”

That just makes him blush even more! But eventually he does manage to say something: “Um... Okay.”

“Yay! I knew you wanted me!”

Taffy glances at some of the well-to-do Canterlot ponies around us, trying to hide his face from them. “Yeah, um... It would be a shame to waste a reservation at the Waterfall. Ponies have to wait months for those.”

I nudge him back in the right direction, back toward the restaurant. “Yeah! Let's eat!” I am pretty famished – I haven't had anything since those pastries and spiders in the morning! What was that about a 'reservation'? I'm sure it's not important. Probably just weird day pony dating stuff.

The entrance to the restaurant is huge – kind of imposing. It's a huge archway in the side of the building, overlooked by tiny little windows from the kitchen, and with the roar of the waterfall coming from behind it. Just inside the entranceway is a silly little podium with a tall, gray-maned stallion standing behind it.

Just as I'm about to trot on past him and pick the best table, he holds his hoof out and blocks me. “I assume you have a reservation?” he says without even seeming to look at us.

I brush his hoof aside. “We don't need a reservation.” A little confidence will do the trick.

Except, not this time it won't, apparently. He jumps into my way – moving faster than I thought he'd be able to for how old he is – and a couple burly-looking stallions move in front of the entrance, blocking my view of the tables beyond.

Here I am, surrounded by stallions – mostly really hot ones, except that old grey jerk – and I'm still not getting laid yet. Day pony dating is weird!

But when the old grey pony sees Taffy, the whole act changes. “Oh! I'm sorry, I didn't realize. You're the new waiter, right? Come on in – we need you to get started as soon as possible!”

I laugh and start dancing around Taffy. “Ha! I told you so!”

Scowling at me, he says, “I'm not a waiter.”

That definitely made the grey stallion less enthusiastic about letting us in. I strike a pose again, making sure my fancy jewelry sparkles in the evening light, but he just frowns. “I'm terribly sorry,” he says, “but we're already full tonight. The staff can barely handle things as it is.”

Undeterred, I sidle up close to him. “Your finest table please, sir.”

One of his bushy grey eyebrows rises as he stares down at me. “As I said, I'm terribly sorry, but I'm afraid we're already booked for the night, and the staff—”

Enough with this! I slap one of my heavy, diamond-studded bracelets down on his little podium, leaving it there, just out of sight from anypony else.

For a moment, he's quiet, staring at the big gaudy bracelet. Good riddance – it was heavy anyway, and it clinked too much. Then he smiles. “Right this way, Ma'am.”

I look back at Taffy and waggle my eyebrows. See – that's how it's done!

Taffy seems stunned for a moment. He keeps looking back and forth between the bracelet and me as I get farther away ... until he finally shrugs and hurries to follow me into the restaurant.

It really is crowded inside, though a lot less noisy than it would be if there were this many bat ponies eating in one place. The quiet – except for the loud waterfall of course – is kind of weird ... but I guess that's just what passes for fancy with day ponies.

The old stallion takes us to a table at the corner of the outside area, just above the still pool between the two waterfalls. It really is nice ... despite the bus-boy still busily cleaning the table off.

Once he's shooed away – along with the last of the junk on the table – Taffy and I are invited to take our seats.

It's a four-seat table, and I'm not about to get stuck on the opposite side from my new stallion, so I wait for Taffy to sit down first, then pick the chair right next to him ... scooting it even closer because that still wasn't quite close enough.

Taffy glances over at me as the old pony tosses a couple menus down and hurries back to his little podium and his nice little bribe there.

I slide my chair a little closer still. “Nice place, isn't it?” It really is, with fancy tablecloths and all, and there are a bunch of orange lanterns hanging around and already lit, even though it isn't even really close to sunset yet.

Taffy holds his hooves close, laying them on his lap and generally trying to be as small as possible. “I guess so.”

“I sure know how to show a stallion a good time, don't I?” Oh-so-casually, I stretch out a wing and wrap it around his back. “Wanna have a little fun under the table before the waiter gets here?”

“Batsy!” He looks around as if he's afraid he's going to get caught doing something wrong, then says in a strained whisper, “You can't do that in a place like this!”

“Ugh, fine... But don't keep me waiting too long!” I give him a wink. Seriously, though, he'd better not keep me waiting too long. My guard shift starts at sunset. (Whatever. It's not like I've never been late for a shift before. Since guardspony is pretty much the only job a bat pony can have, it's not like they can fire me or anything. And if I end up being late because I'm busy having fun with Taffy ... well, a mare's got to have her priorities, doesn't she?)

Taffy's already picked up his menu, burying his face in it – as if that can hide his still-raging blush – so I figure it's a good time to do the same.

Lots of fancy stuff, no prices listed. (Yay! It's all free!) They don't seem to have any bat treats, though. I would expect better from a place this fancy.

“Um, Batsy?” Taffy's whisper is even quieter now. Even with my superior hearing, I can barely hear him. “I'm not sure I can afford this place. You brought some bits, right?”

I poke him in the side with my hoof ... both because he's being silly, and because I want a quick feel, at least, for all the trouble I've already been through. “Who needs bits? Everything's free! No wonder this place is so popular!”

“Um... I don't think that's really—”

“Whatever. Don't worry about it – I'll figure something out.” I smile at him again ... and something seems to be getting through, because he smiles back a little, with a bit of a starry look in his eyes.

“I'm sorry,” he says. “It's just that I've been living alone for a long time, and my brother told me I needed to get back out in the dating game.”

Uh-oh... Is he going to get all emotional on me? That's, like, the last kind of 'on me' I want him to be getting. Probably.

“But I've never really had the confidence to just ask mares out like that. And besides, I'm so busy running the shop and everything... When you just came up and asked me out, at first I was too scared, but then I decided that I had to do it, even though things were going really fast, and just, um...”

Woah ... he really is nervous about me, isn't he? I wish there was a way I could smile without showing off my pointy teeth – those pointy teeth seem to have a way of making day ponies even more nervous.

“So, um, I guess what I'm saying is, maybe we should take it a bit slower and get to know each other a little bit first?”

I grin, pointy teeth and all. “Sure! Let's get to know each other. What's your favorite sex position?”

Taffy's eyes go wide and his nose scrunches, like he just swallowed something terrible and almost choked on it. Ponies at all the surrounding tables gasp and stare, holding hooves over their chests and mouths.

Oh, like they'd never heard that before. Come on! I stick my long, batty tongue out at them.

“Batsy!” Taffy tries to pull me in closer toward him, as if that will make me stop sticking out my tongue. “You can't just say stuff like that out loud!” It feels nice to have him holding me...

Just at that moment, though, our waiter approaches. “May I start you two off with a soup course?” he asks, very professionally pretending that he didn't see me slurp my tongue back in.

The incredible thing, though, is that he's dressed exactly like Taffy – same white tux, same white shirt underneath, and same little black bow tie. I elbow Taffy and point at the waiter's clothes. “See? See? I told you!”

Taffy sighs. “Yes.”

“Very good,” the waiter replies. “Will you have the Potage Ménagère or the Tourin?”

Both me and Taffy glance back and forth between each other. Clearly, neither of us know what those are ... but between the two of us, only one has the bold, take-action attitude necessary: me!

“The Tourin!” I tell the waiter, with well-earned confidence. The secret – I know – is that this is a fancy restaurant. If the soup they bring us ends up being gross, I should just throw it at the waiter and demand satisfaction. At least, I'm pretty sure that's how it works. I saw that in guardspony battalion play once, and it worked great there.

“Excellent choice.” With a bow, the waiter backs away and disappears. Problem solved!

Taffy leans up close to me and whispers, “Um... Batsy, what's a Tourin?”

I remain silent, in a superior kind of way. Not only because I have no idea, but because the longer I do, the longer Taffy stays up close to me. With the chill from the nearby waterfall, having his warm cheek right next to mine feels ... nice. A mare could get used to this...

Eventually, though, he seems to give up on getting an answer, and he pulls back away. Again, he's glancing around as if to check whether anypony is looking at us. Quite a few are. Apparently, it takes day ponies a while to get over it when somepony sticks their tongue out at them.

Better take his mind off it... Slyly, oh-so-slyly, I lean closer to him and slide a hoof along his thigh. “So,” I say quietly in his ear, “are you seduced yet?”

“Batsy!” He grabs my hoof and takes it off of his leg, putting it back in my own lap. “You can't...” He looks into my eyes, blushes, and looks away. “Ponies are watching us.”

That wasn't a 'no'! I grin. I am so getting laid today! (And about time, too! This probation Princess Luna put me on has caused way too long of a dry spell!)

Before I can make my move, though, the waiter comes back, levitating two steaming bowls of soup in his cheatery unicorn magic. Let's see him do that without magic! I bet he wouldn’t be as graceful then!

Still, I guess I'm grateful he isn't spilling it or anything as he sets them down in front of us. That would totally ruin the fancy mood. “Please enjoy,” he says. “I apologize for the delay, and I will be along with the wine selection shortly.”

Ooh – wine? That makes up for any cheating with unicorn magic! Princess Luna hasn't let me have any wine or cider or anything since the very first incident that got me put on the probation list! She says the probation is supposed to help me remember what I did and remember not to do it again, but the problem is, I can't remember anything that happened that day. Not that it matters. The important thing is that I'll get some tonight. (And then I'll get some, if you know what I mean!)

Eagerly, I take a look at my soup. Immediately, I see a major problem. I poke at the bowl with my hoof for a bit, eying it suspiciously.

“Is there a problem with the soup, Madame?”

“Waiter,” I say, “there's no fly in my soup.”

The snooty unicorn seems rather taken aback at that. He stammers a bit, but doesn't manage to say anything worthwhile.

Taffy, though, leans over close to me, spoon already in his hoof. “Come on, don't make a scene.” He glances around. “Not more than you are already. Just try it – it's delicious.”

“You're just on his side because you're both dressed the same.” I roll my eyes, but reluctantly decide to give it a little taste. Moving in carefully close to it, making my disdain clear, I lean down and slurp a little out of the bowl.

Woah! It's really garlicky. Good thing I'm not really a vampony, because if I was, this stuff would probably have killed me! But it's also really smooth and buttery and ... good! My eyes lighting up, I sit up straight, with a huge, drippy grin. “It's delicious!” I cry out in surprise.

The waiter nods in satisfaction, even as he backs away slowly from my table manners.

I'm not done with him yet. A restaurant this fancy ought to know how to satisfy its guests. “But our next course had better have some bugs in it!”

The waiter scowls at me. “Madame, this is not the sort of establishment where one—”

I throw a couple jeweled bracelets at him. Would have gotten him right in the face, too, if it weren't for the extra-cheatery way he caught them in his unicorn magic.

“Of course, Madame. I will personally see to it.”

I smile even more as he hurriedly leaves – bracelets in tow – and then go straight back to my soup, slurping it down greedily.

“Um... Batsy?” Taffy asks, glancing around at all the fancy ponies staring at us. “Maybe it would be better if you used the...”

Slurping up the very last it of it with my long tongue, I pop up and start licking my lips clean.

“...Spoon,” he finishes with a sigh.

I smirk and lean closer, causing him to lean away a bit, but that's no big deal. I just lean even closer. “You see, I'm not taking any stallion of mine to some third-rate place that doesn't even have bugs in the food!”

“Um, actually... I prefer food that doesn't have bugs in it.”

What? Weird... Day ponies are just weird. I glance down at him, still leaned so close I'm more in his chair than my own. He looks nice, though, and smells really nice. Some kind of delicious-smelling fruity perfume. (Aww, did he put that on just for me?)

“Um... Batsy?” he says, still on the verge of falling out of his chair. Not that I'd actually let him fall, of course. I'd catch him. And then I'd roll both of us under the table. And then we'd snuggle!

“Yeah?” I say, hoping we're about to skip to the part where we kiss. Even though the soup was full of garlic, I'm sure our bad-breath kisses will be fun.

“Are you... Are you going to stay like this all night?” He wobbles in his chair a little, about to fall.

“I don't know,” I say with an extremely alluring eyebrow wiggle – something no stallion could possibly resist. “Do you want me to?”

“Um...”

A crash comes from the entrance of the restaurant, and three huge stallions rush in. “There you are!” the biggest one says, pointing his hoof in our direction. “You're goin' to see the boss, and you're goin' there in pieces!”

With the utmost guardspony courage, I lunge between them and Taffy. “No! He's my stallion, and your boss can't have him!”

They stop for a moment, pausing in their headlong rush toward our table. Doubtless, they're just so intimidated by my magnificence that they can't take even one more step.

They glance back and forth between each other for a moment, until the biggest one shakes his head. “We're not here for him, you idiot – we're here for you!”

“Yeah,” another one cuts in. “You're the one who stole from the bosses wife and knocked her out!”

I jump onto the table, heroically scattering expensive dishes everywhere. Of course, I also heroically spill Taffy's hot soup all over him, but that's just the cost of heroism. He jerks up and starts frantically wiping it off of himself as the rest of the restaurant patrons flee, but I don't let any of that distract me. “Come and get me, then!” I shout out bravely. “I took you on before, and I can take you again!”

“Oh, that's not the plan, princess.”

I beam out a huge smile for a moment. He called me a princess! Wow, my status is just shooting up in the world! Pretty soon, I'll be a queen or an empress or something and then I'll be the one putting Princess Luna on probation for 'insubordinate behavior' and 'gross misconduct', whatever those things are.

The stallion points up. “That's the plan. There she is, officers! She's the thief!”

I glance up where he's pointing, and my mouth drops open. A whole platoon of pegasus guards from the day guard, and they're all headed down toward me! Of course ... um... I totally saw this coming and knew they were there, with my awesome powers of perception and all. And, um, situational awareness and stuff ... which in no way was compromised by having all my attention focused on the pretty pink stallion next to me.

“Hey,” one of the guards says, “I know her – It's Fluffentuft!”

They know me! I'm famous!

“You're under arrest,” another says. “... Again.”

Anyway, yes. I knew they were there the whole time, and now I just have to come up with a plan. Hide under the table? No – they'll find me, and anyway I can't stay down there forever. Seduce them all? No – I've tried that before, and for some reason, day guards seem immune to my many charms. Jump into the waterfall? ... Of course!

I grab Taffy and Knock the first of the guards out of the way before they get me. Then it's just a quick dart over to the edge of the cliff next to the waterfall, dragging Taffy along, despite his screaming.

Quickly, I kiss him. His eyes go wide, and he's almost too startled to return the kiss. But it least it stops him from screaming.

“For luck!” I say, even though that's not really the reason I wanted to kiss him. After all – who wants to go on a date this fancy without getting any action afterward?

Still, though, there are dozens of day guards bearing down on me. (Sadly, not enough time for as much fun as I'd like.) Breaking from the kiss, I fling myself over the railing and into the falls.

Smack! I crash straight into a cold, wet rock. “Ow!”

Taffy – as well as several Royal Guards – lean on the railing, staring down.

“Are you okay?” Taffy asks.

“Call for a medic,” one of the guards shouts out.

I hoist myself back up on the slippery rock, teeter back and forth a bit, and wave them off with a hoof. “I'm... I'm fine. Never been bett—”

Sadly, mother nature decides not to let me finish that. She makes the rock under my hoof extra slippery all unexpected-like, and I go down once again, sucked into the mist of the waterfall and going all the way down the cliff right alongside it.

I'm not worried, though. I'll be fine. It'll take more than a little waterfall to end the reign of Princess Batsy Fluffentuft the Magnificent!

* * *

My magnificent mane and tail still dripping from river water, I slink my way toward the front door of the night guards' barracks.

Owing to my incredible skills at stealth and the inexplicable inability of day guards to stay alert at night or see into shadows, I've already made it almost all the way there. With any luck – and I always have luck on my side – all my fellow night guards will have already gone out on their shifts. Of course, that means I'm late for my shift ... but that's hardly unusual for me, anyway. Probably nopony will even notice.

As quietly as possible, I open the door and slip inside my barracks. That's not as quiet as I'd like. Somepony should really oil those hinges. Bat ponies should be the only things in here that squeak, not doors!

So far, so good. It's dark in here ... but then again, it's always dark. No sounds come from inside the room, though. Seems like nopony's here.

I move on, the absolute paragon of stealth and completely in my element. Even if the room was full of ponies, they probably wouldn’t be able to see or hear me, and I'd slip right through them to—

Slam! The barracks door shuts behind me.

I freeze. Okay, nothing to worry about. Probably just the night breeze, blowing the door shut again.

“About time you dragged yourself back in here.”

Wow, that night breeze sounds a lot like my commander, Nightwing.

“Well, do you have anything to say for yourself?”

Uh, oh... I'm beginning to think that might not be the breeze. Reluctantly, I turn around. And yes, that's her all right. Standing next to the big door with a very disapproving scowl on her face.

“Um, yeah, sure... Of course I have something to say. Just let me explain it all, and I'm sure it will all make sense.”

Nightwing raises one eyebrow. “Wonderful. This is going to be good...”

Think think think! I rush to come up with a decent story. Thankfully, clever mare that I am, I already have a story that will work perfectly!

“Well, it all started when I accidentally let my tail go down the toilet and then flushed,” I say. “Then I got sucked down into the Canterlot sewer system. It was dark, dark down there, but I've got echolocation, so I wasn't worried. I was lost, though. You've got to give me a break on that one – I've never been down there before.”

This doesn't seem to be working well so far. Nightwing's still frowning pretty intensely. I'll have to step up my game.

“And that's when the Sewer Ponies attacked! Did you know there's a whole race of Sewer Ponies down there? I bet you didn't! Well, they wanted to, um ... eat me! They're all gross and frog-looking, so I totally wasn't into that. So I fought them off, all two hundred of them!”

Nightwing's eyebrow rises even higher. Not a good sign.

“I mean, all five hundred of them!” There, that's better. “It took all day, but I fought my way out of the sewer and made my way back here, just so I could report for duty.”

Still, Nightwing seems unaffected.

“And, um... That's why I'm a little bit late.”

“You're five hours late,” Nightwing points out.

I shrug. “I've been later than that before, and that time I didn't even have Sewer ponies to fight.”

“Right, the Sewer Ponies.” Nightwing rolls her eyes, then points just above my head. “And where did the tiara come from?”

I freeze. What? Slowly, I look upward, but of course I can't see it. I have to feel for it with my hooves. Uh-oh. Looks like there's a bit of the dented and waterlogged jewelry I forgot to return when I was dumping the rest of it back down that chimney. (I always return what I borrow.) “Um... I got this when I defeated the Queen of the Sewer Ponies. Kept it as well-deserved spoils of victory!”

Nightwing gives me an absolutely deadpan look. Okay, so maybe I'll need to butter her up a little bit.

“Um... And I kept it as a present for you!” Quickly, I take the tiara off and hold it up for Nightwing.

She takes it, but she still doesn't seem impressed. Not even a little bit of a smile! What gives? She's still giving me that sour look. “Batsy, you realize that us responsible night guards read the briefings left to us by the day shift, right?”

“Oh...” I take a couple steps backward, cringing down. “So you heard about...”

“Yeah, I heard about all of it.”

I wince. Hopefully she didn't really hear about everything.

“But don't worry. I'm not going to punish you.”

She's not? After a moment of frantically processing that, I leap for joy. “Yeah! Awesome!” Dancing my hooves around, I spin in a tight little circle, tail held high. “I knew I didn't do anything wrong!”

But Nightwing still looks dour. “I'm not going to punish you – she is!”

I freeze in place again. Oh no! Who's 'she'? Furtively, I glance around, expecting somepony to leap out of the shadows at me at any moment, even though I can clearly see that all of the shadows are empty.

A few moments pass, and still nobody shows up to punish me. “Is she ... invisible?” I whisper, still looking all around.

Commander Nightwing clears her throat. “I said, SHE IS!”

A clatter of hooves comes from Nightwing's office in the back of the barracks, and Princess Luna rushes out. “Oh! My apologies for the belated dramatic entrance, Commander. I became distracted with my dreamwalking and missed my cue.”

Commander Nightwing bows, and even though that one pony in the restaurant called me a princess today, I decide that it would probably be polite for me to bow as well, so I do.

Princess Luna slowly stalks toward me, enumerating my crimes to the rhythm of her hoofbeats: “Terrorizing the ponies of Canterlot, burglarizing private homes and businesses, bribery of waitstaff, assaulting the day guard, attempted bribery of your commanding officer...” She stops and stands just above me, glowering down.

I cover my face with my wings, barely even daring to peek up at her between the cracks. “Does ... does this mean I don't get any bat treats?”

“You're lucky I don't throw you in the dungeons!” she says, her eyes flashing a cold blue. I make a carefully calculated strategic choice of positioning myself behind my commander and huddling behind her so that Princess Luna can't see me.

“But,” Princess Luna continues, “it seems that you've somehow led to the identification and arrest of the head of the Upper Canterlot Crime Syndicate due to the Royal Guard's investigation into your own crimes, as well as leading the day guard toward the capture of another wanted fugitive by the name of Silver Swindleton.”

I jump out from behind Nightwing, now beaming a huge smile. After pulling off all of that, she's sure to give me lots of bat treats, maybe even give me a promotion. Maybe she'll even promote me straight to being a princess, just like that one stallion said!

The Princess raises a disapproving eyebrow at my smile. “So, given the balance, I'm going to settle for putting you on Double ultra-probation.”

I immediately deflate. Aw, come on! What does that even mean? They're not even going to let me get out of bed or go to the bathroom on my own anymore, are they?

“And as for the Commander who seems incapable of keeping a single bat pony guard under control...”

Now it's Nightwing's turn to cover her face with her wings and cower.

But before the Princess can finish, a knock comes from the door, drawing the attention of all three of us.

A moment of quiet passes, none of us sure who should go answer the door. The knock comes again.

Luna sighs. “Just try to keep her under control, will you? Assign somepony to sit on her, if necessary.”

The door knocks again.

“And answer the door already! I have other matters to attend to! I am the night!” With a bright blue flash, Princess Luna teleports away, leaving just me and Nightwing in the barracks.

Before I can make any observant and relevant remarks to the Commander, though, she goes to answer the door, pulling it open.

It's Taffy! And he's got a bunch of chocolates in a heart-shaped box! And the box has my name on it! “I hope this is the right place,” he says. “This is where everypony says the bat ponies are...” Then he sees me in the darkness inside the barracks, and his eyes go wide and misty.

Commander Nightwing sighs heavily. “Batsy, it looks like you have a visitor.”

I can't even say anything, despite how eloquent I usually am. I'm too busy doing the happiest, pranciest, wigglingest dance I've ever danced, my tail flicking in joy. All I can do is squeak and smile.

Author's Note:

This story is brought to you thanks in part to my Patreon supporters! They're invaluable for keeping me focused and motivated to write with the power of the deadline.

If you'd like to help keep me writing, and even decide which stories I write next, please check out my Patreon page.

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