• Member Since 9th May, 2013
  • offline last seen 10 hours ago

Urimas Ebonheart


Writer and Spriter.

T

An average but nerdy young man goes to an anime convention dressed as Ichigo from Bleach. He was missing only one thing from his costume, where a mysterious merchant sells him just the item he needed. The next thing he knew. He was in a new place with no way home. Met some of the locals and got possessed.

Trapped in stone for a thousand years and no memory prior to that convention. He finally breaks free and is loose upon Equestria once more, even stronger then before.

But this time, is he in control?


This is a Displaced story

Note that MLP does not exist on the main character's Earth.

Chapters (28)
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Comments ( 437 )

the story is looking great

Considering you mentioned Luna pretty much experienced the same thing the MC did, the Princess' reaction seems kind dumb. Particularly for people who were ruling for a couple centuries. If it's just to set him up as less than cozy with them, it could have been done in a less jarring manner.

6564950 Send me a PM on what you think could be better? I'm open to ideas.

6564950

I personally like how the Princesses acted thought they did go a bit far. Same with Ichigo since he could have at least made a counter offer of sorts.

6565012

I was wondering, do you mind doing a crossover with my Displaced story? Bleach has always been one of my favorite anime to binge watch from time to time.

6565052 Sure. I have to wait for the group approval first. What's your Displaced based off?

6565077

Kamen Rider Gain, or rather a version of Kamen Rider Bujin Gaim. The story is Displaced Rider in Equestria. I had my story up on the Displaced Group since may but I have to get my story reviewed thanks to the new rules. I should be okay to do the crossover though. PM me if you're still interested though.

6564950
I agree with you. Why would Luna treat him so coldly if she went through the same thing? I mean, I could understand if they still thought he was under the "demon's" influence, but he didn't have his mask on when they first confronted him after escaping.

6565092 Never heard of it before. But I won't start crossovers until my character is somewhat settled. Which would be two or three chapters still.

6565096 They hardly know him. (Plus forewarning. The ponies in this multiverse are VERY skittish of the unknown. Ichigo here is the first of his kind they've seen and he slaughtered half of the old canterlot before they sealed him away. And the Hollows started showing up when he did. So it's no surprise they don't trust him yet.)

6565098

Ok take your time man, I still need to work on a couple of chapters before my own Displaced knows about the multiverse she now calls home.

Ah my first dislike. :) Someone isn't a Bleach fan :trixieshiftright:

Would also be nice if they commented on what they didn't like so it helps me to improve.

....how far into bleach have you read?

6565361 I've watched the all the episodes. And I'm rewatching them again. Why?

6565378
.....you are WAY behind then.....there are LOTS of important things that have been revealed...such as Ichigo being a practically natural hybrid of THREE races not just two... and that his "inner hollow" is a lot more than that...and there is a reason the current big bad looks like an older Old man Zangetsu

6565389 So the manga is continuing where the anime stopped?

6565392
...yeah.... its been continuing for about a year or two now...

6565395 Huh. Well I've only watched the anime and movies.

6565420
....yeah.....its probably best if you read the manga.....its currently up to chapter 648 as of 3 days ago. while the one the anime left off with was Chapter 479

6565430 Meh, I'll rewatch the anime first and then find the manga. Not like I'll be moving Ichigo's powers much yet.

6565435
awww...so no Duel weilding?

6565446 Wait... He dual wields?

Seems like I got a lot to catch up on. I thought it stopped with the anime to be honest.

6565452
thats why it was in spoilers and stuff.. http://vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/bleach/images/7/7a/Zangetsu_Shikai_Version_3.png/revision/latest?cb=20140105185514&path-prefix=en
if you really want to know (HEAVY SPOILERS AHEAD, I MEAN IT!, spoilrs for lots of the latest arc his inner hollow is actually his true Zanpakuto which merged with "white" an experimental pseudo arrancar made by aizen with the mashed up souls of thousands of shinigami and hollows which infected Kurosaki Masaki, a quincy after it bit her, leading to her gaining a hollow hole whilst alive, except as quincy are the opposite of hollows, being in contact with hollows causes quincies souls to completely destroy themselves in soul suicide, Isshin, who was the captain of squad 10 before Toshiro, went to Urahara to save her, who linked Isshin and Masakis souls together, shoved Isshin into a special gigai made from human souls, and made it so that as long as he stays in close contact with her for the rest of her life, her soul won't be destroyed, Isshin then when into Masaki's soul, and defeated White (as it was Masaki's soul, for some reason she was naked, so boobs), they then got mrried, but a bit of white remained, traveling to Ichigo before he was born, and fusing with his soul, and that which would become zangetsu, the old man is actually his quincy powers that looks like the big bad, who was GOING to kill ichigo if he ever got too strong, and was purposefully weakening him, only giving him enough to survive (all those times the "hollow" took over was to save Ichigo's life), to make sure he wouldnt have to kill him, but as time went on, he decided not to kill Ichigo after all, and gave Ichigo his full powers, leading to Ichigo getting his true zanpakuto, which was forged by the creator of the zanpakuto, a member of squad zero. as he was on his way to see the soul king aka god

Alright. Golden Script, here. Admin for the Displaced group and Mod for the Quality Works folder.

Let me start off by saying this is not official in any way and any other admins reading this should stop now to keep from bias to speed this story through the process or, inversely, keep it held up.

Firstly, I'd recommend you get an editor. Just reading through, the glaring grammatical and spelling errors give me a bit of a headache. The story has a good premise and the characters' stories aren't bad, but the execution could use some help.

Next, try to get out of the "subject, verb, direct object," habit. (In case you don't know I mean by that, an example would be "Bob went to the store.") The whole story seems choppy and repetitive, but if you mix it up a little, it could blend beautifully. If you do that, you'll be golden.

... Well, you won't be me, but you'll have a pretty good story on your hands.

And, last but not least, I'd say write another chapter. Your "not until it's accepted to the Displaced" thing could irritate some readers (Including myself and other admins that might want to review your story for submission.) The more content you give us to look over, the more we understand your potential and ability.

In short, this is a decent story with a decent plot, but the delivery could use some work and touch-ups.

I look forward to future chapters,
Golden Script

6565482 Ah thanks. I'll get another chapter out then and see what it leads. I thought I was doing pretty well with grammar and such. I'll have to go through it again then.

6565485
Sometimes it's tough for a writer to recognize their own mistakes. (I'm not saying you're a narcissist, we all do it.) It might sound right in your head, but the rules just don't line up. What would help most is if you had some outside sources look in on it--hence finding an editor. What I'll do when I don't have an editor to slap me when I'm being stupid is as follows: I'd wait about a week or so, then edit the story myself. Simply reading it after you wrote it isn't enough. It's still fresh in your mind. If you wait a while, you'll look at it as if it was someone else's work. Of course, this works best when you have editing capabilities, so it's not best for everyone.

Bottom line? Try to find an editor before you get too far in. There's nothing worse than a writer trying to find an editor 40,000 words in and expecting them to go through all of it. At least, that's how I feel. It's daunting, y'know?

Anyway, good luck with your search!
Golden Script

6565492 Are there any groups I can look in for editors here?

6565516
Well, this link might help. Try a couple of those groups out.

Finally!! SOMEBRAGHT ICHIGO!!

Much better than most displaced.

Shinigami Princesses... FREAKING AWESOME! Dose Cadence get to be one too?

... now I want to know what their shikai and bankai are

:pinkiegasp:

Too... :yay:... Cool...

My favorite Princess with a Zanpakuto... GO LUNA GO!!!

Oh... and you to Celestia...

Just thought about something else... are the Changelings like the Arrancar to the ponies? This blew my mind just thinking about it. I hope it's true.

hmm...i wonder if they know the shikai..or even that their swords are sapient?
also, good chapter...i wonder how long until he learns the sky walk thing? or pure reishi manipulation....heck, imagine him learning to touch his getsuga's without getting damaged...he could make a cloak out of it...like his second full-bring, but that damages those he wants to damage?

6568785 The first thing you mention will be revealed in the next chapter. Ichigo was only taught on what his current body could do and control his reishi while stuck in stone. Now that he's out, Zangetsu will start training him to improve physically.

As for the Last one. I'm going to have to catch up on the manga to find that out.

Huh.... here's a fun question... From Fluttershy it doesn't seem as if everypony can see the hollows. The princess' can, and apparently the guards, or at least some of them. But everyone can see Ichigo, so his shinigami form is still a physical one, right?

And the princesses with zanpakuto... that's awesome.

6569648 Yes Ichigo Is visible to all. Only those with high reishi can see the hollows and those with really high reishi can see the dead... I'll let you figure what that'll mean.

I beginning to think Luna is going to be a Vizer in this fic.

6569791 Your mention of high reishu has me wondering if the local Don Kanonji would be Iron Will or the Flim Flam Brothers...

i really like this story so far:pinkiehappy:

funny thing i'm cosplaying as ichigo myself (bankai version):twilightsmile:

At one point in time I thought of making a displaced story with myself as a somewhat modified version of Ichigo. Well at least the person who beat me to seems to have a good start.

I love the idea of blending the ideals of bleach into equestria. Nightmare Moon being Luna's inner hollow is a rather swell idea.
I will laugh so hard if Celestia has Ryujin Jakka (the old head captains sword).

Solar Flare seems seriously inept at fighting, where as Ichie's and quite possibly Luna's were very capable.
Doesn't mean anything to the story probably but seems to be a bit strange to me.

6579184 Yes, but she was fighting a one thousand year old trained Ichigo who has control over his Hollow. Celestia could have been resisting within, Luna also suffered some cuts while 'Solar Flare' didn't.

just a fact check before this gets too far for you to fix. Not all Soul Reapers have a hollow half, only Vizards remember. so in truth I think it'd be best to do either one of two things, either you explain why Celestia and Luna are Vizards in a future chapter or you'd have to re write this one. Chapter was still well written and just as intense as your other stories and their battles otherwise, so keep up the great work!

6579220 Yup. (I do have a reason but won't spoil it here.) There will be other Soul Reapers but they won't have hollow halves. Here's a hint. SPOILER: If using the elements turned the Princesses into soul reapers... what happened when Luna returned?

good I believe that there is an error, ichigo it is not a Shinigami the one , is a means Shinigami 1/2 since the originals don't have hollow, to the is considered substitute Shinigami , according to the translation to Spanish of here. and in other words a natural vizards not created as the other ones, celestia and moon they would also be created by accident. don't you believe? since alone the dead souls that becomes in -Shinigami in the sleeve. reason why they are not subject to the society of souls (some of their laws) xD

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