- Member Since 23rd Mar, 2012
- offline last seen Last Wednesday
Tayman
I'm not a pony, but I sure act like one.
Tayman
Joined 23rd Mar, 2012 ·
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I... I...
Wow, that... that was really good. I really like the fact that you went into a characters head, became that character rather than just be an omniscient floating orb in the world. It was something new altogether as well, and that's the part that pulled me in the most. The fact that it just barrages you time after time with grief and pain at the pointless existence of the sisters is just wonderful. I love this story, and I would really enjoy something that could explain how all this came to be (A prologue if you will). All in all definitely a good read and has earned a spot on my favorites list. Well done.
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....Explain to me, in this very instant, why this has yet to be read by the countless millions of people in existance?
You took the thought of immortality, and showed us what would happen if we were TRULY immortal. If we couldn't die, this is what it would come to: Watching the world crumble away...
I say, bravo.
Amazing. One question though - how could Luna get taken over by Nightmare Moon earlier, meanwhile Celestia can't drive herself insane/into oblivion?
And in his prison made from time Azrael thought "I remember when all of this will start again."
679001
You mean Nightmare Moon?
679031
Sleep deprivation tastes like wubs.
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Yikes... scary yet beautiful at the same time.
So very poignant. It's a fairly simple premise, but you really made the bleakness and the inherent existential terror of eternal life palpable.
(It reminds me a little of the short story The Last Answer by Isaac Asimov - which features an immortal, omniscient, god-like figure whose sole purpose in existence it has become to find the solution to the only question he cannot answer - discovering a way to finally die.)
Ouch, that stabbed through my heart.
Generally good, but my questions are 1) What happened to all the ponies, given that the sisters could surely have protected them from an external threat, and 2) With that kind of power, one would think they could eventually either design some interstellar-level teleportation spell or else magically alter the planet to provide for the abiogenesis/evolution of new life.
I have seen this topic before, but not this well written. Well done.
It was well written, and an idea that isn't often done. You pulled it off nicely.
An excellent story. Let's just hope that this isn't how things really end for the two.
679234
Because avoiding deus ex machina when two real flesh and bone goddesses are available is very hard.
679234>>680213
Pretty much this. If the sisters could just wave their horn around and make everything okay, then that's not a very interesting story, is it? Also, I wanted to imply that even Celestia and Luna are powerless over the passing of time, which is what caused their kingdom to crumble to nothing.
Interesting that Celestia still has some hope...
Wow this is a really sad story. I couldn't imagine living that many years losing all memories of everyone. You really got the emotions nailed down. This was a wonderful one-shot. Really enjoyed this.
A lifeless eternity is the one thing I fear above all others and you've captured that quite well. A fine read this was.
No words. Only tears and favs.
I'll just pretend that The Doctor saves them so I don't spend the rest of the night miserable.
I...am afraid I'm going to have to go against general consensus here.
Immortality and its burdens are a favorite of mine (witness Tozomuc from Apotheosis, or the Island God from OTEOTM), and while this isn't neccessarily a bad treatment of them, it's an extraordinarily flat one. There's no real punch or moment of catharsis here, just a nihilistic misery. Which is miserable, but lacks, to me, something to connect it emotionally. Admittedly I'm sure part of this is due to my own thoughts on the subject, but this just seems a straight play of Who Wants To Live Forever, where immortality is the burden unto itself, with no meaning beyond the fact. I just feel the story would be more engaging if it went somewhere or drew some conclusion, instead of just petering out.
I gotta say, this is really well-written and powerful. It really captures the endless monotony immortality truly would be. As a result, it really is depressing.
Semi-related side-note: this really reminds me of that episode of Futurama, The Late Phillip J. Fry, where they had the time machine. In a good way, of course.
Holy fucking shit!!!!! I haven't cried like this since Titanic!!!! Fuck!!!! That was sad!!!!
That was truly sad. Reading that makes me feel hollow in a way. Very few stories can do that type of feeling. Bravo.
760327
Damn, I'm sorry to hear that. I can understand your point, though.
A well accomplished author didn't like my story, time to give up writing forever :(
:P
Now, perhaps this is just an excuse, but this is what I felt would actually happen. Celestia has lived so long, her memories all faded and fuzzy, that she simply has lost the capacity to draw an emotional connection to anything, even her own sister. That's what I feel is the worst part. That's why the tone was flat.
Now, you have much more experience than me, so please feel free to call me out on this, but here is what I was going for: I was trying to play off the reader's emotional attachment to the show and setting. In the present, Equestria is a vibrant and lively place to live. Now, Celestia thinks about its destruction so matter-of-factly, I was hoping that would provide the punch for the reader. Not to mention Twilight Sparkle, her prized student, and probably the pony Celestia is closest to in the present (either her or Luna), and she has simply been reduced to a simple thought that Celestia has no emotional attachment to. By talking about things that the reader cares about so much, and reducing the value of these things (gah, awful word) to absolutely nothing, and acting like it's not a big deal, I was hoping this would make an impact.
I'm still a new author. I would love it if you'd be willing to carry on this conversation so I can learn and apply these lessons in the future. Thanks for taking the time to read my story.
-Nicholas
760327
I actually thought the story just "petering out" was very appropriate. There is literally nothing left. Celestia wishes with all her heart to die, to put an end to this emptiness. But all she can manage is a slow fading away, like a mountain being ground into dust over millions of years...
760354
Nah, it's not just you bro. I don't know what your reasons are, but for me, nihilism just isn't that interesting. What's the point in talking about pointlessness?
When it comes to the idea of peering into eternity, I prefer the idea of experiencing more and more meaning in existence, not less and less. Entropy is a dull and uninviting tale; I like storytelling for its ability to make me feel strong emotions like joy and sadness, not apathy and depression. That's one of the reasons I like the show—for its love of life, you might say. No offense to the author of course, it's always nice when a story is well-written and conveyed effectively, but like I said, nihilism just doesn't stir me at all.
760354>>760481
I certainly respect that attitude. It certainly is a depressing topic to think about.
This piece honestly came out of nowhere. I woke up one morning, and I felt kinda weird after having this odd dream about my friends and I visiting this generic amusement park in Florida. For some reason, I felt sad, as if I had just relived a memory that I could never retrieve (an idea which you can see in this fic). I felt empty, and I channeled that feeling into this story.
I will admit, this story is a rambling thought experiment. I basically turned myself into Celestia and pondered the topic of true immortality, and did my best to make the reader feel empty. It certainly isn't for everyone. Regardless of what you thought or felt, thanks for reading :)
760481
Gonna go ahead and agree with this one. The story is very well written, but I must have a heart of ice because nothing makes me cry anymore.
Not with a bang, or even a whimper.
According to legend, somewhere in Tibet there is a mountain of pure diamond, about one mile high. Every thousand years, a bird comes to sharpen its beak on the mountain. When the mountain is completely worn down by this, one second of eternity will have passed.
If this is the sort of time frame Celestia and Luna are up against, it's hard to blame them for wanting out. There have been times when I've lost my own emotional mooring, and confronted with that state of uncomfortable numbness, I wanted out.
Still, there is some tiny sliver of hope, easy to overlook: if the memories are failing, other functions can fail, and presumably eventually will. Stars wink out; planets crumble to dust - or are destroyed with their stars. Nothing is truly "forever," except maybe a Pinkie Promise. Or a temporary tax.
Holy shit, I always said to myself that, given the choice, I would never become immortal. That reason was because I would outlive EVERYBODY, again and again in an endless cycle. What I never gave thought to was something like this. Only knowing that everyone I cared about existed at one point but having no memories of them, not even their name, not being able to feel any kind of emotion, that idea scares me more than merely outliving everybody
760569 Yeah same here, ever since My Little Dashie I haven't cried once
Bravo Sir, Bravo
Carry On
760327
I think you're looking at this from the wrong perspective. Like a timeline crunched down to fit on a piece of paper, and looking somewhere towards the end and wondering why there isn't something there to tell it apart from the rest of the ink.
I think we're meant to look at it from the perspective it's given in, with our own understanding of just what's transpired and continuing to happen. She blinks, and centuries pass like the beat of a heart. This is perhaps several dozen million years after the events of the series. The races have gone extinct for whatever reason, the balance of nature and the magic in could not last forever, and the loss of the attendant species apparently didn't help that.
She's already gone through any moments you might consider a punch. Possibly millions of times. The concept here is that this is -so far- beyond all of that that she's even beginning to have trouble discerning herself from the stone she sleeps on. Any kick left would be the realization that this is only a short breath of the time they still have left to spend just like this... cognizant thought itself breaking down as they wait for the end of all things, some part of them that can understand feelings even if they don't remember what words are, HOPING that when it all comes to a close, they finally will get to as well.
Just because it's got a trope page doesn't make it any less solid a concept. True immortality is its own burden, in ways no mortal can ever truly grasp. There's not a human alive, no matter how old or how intelligent who can really understand what these characters are going through.
All that went through my head whilst reading this was sympathetic emptiness exclaimated by the occasional slice of sorrow.
Egads, immortality sucks in the long run, although I can't help but wonder why they didn't invent AI, if only to have some semblance of what was there before, seeing as they exhausted all conversation.
...What does one do when they tire of everything?
760771
Hm, this is a good question. Perhaps they are simply too numb to care anymore? Or their magic can't create physical objects? (Canon may contradict me on this). After all, the world is just dirt and rock now.
A personal question question: are you against indefinite health extension or is your view more along the lines of "I'm okay with living millions of years but not billions."
760877
That is another question in itself. I suppose I would be okay with living for a few hundred years if everyone else could. I like to think I would live until I became ready to go peacefully.
I'm actually scared now. It takes a lot to get me scared, but this is the worst I've felt in a long time.
Is this what ceasing to exist feels like?
I'm crying for the first time in 6 months.
It feels almost good.
The true horror of immortality. I think if I had the chance I would turn it down. In fact, the idea of it scares me.
Spectacular story. I have to ask though... What happens when the planet does grind to dust, and the stars themselves die? Do the Alicorns to which they were tied die with them, or do the two of them exist forever in an endless void.
760984
The alicorns' immortality being tied to their elements is one interpretation of it, but in this fic, I was going for complete and total immortality, regardless of the sun and moon.
Will they be floating in an infinite void?
I... don't really want to think about it.
Reminds me of "Growing Up"... just more haunting...
760531
Thank you for writing this and sharing it with me and the rest of the world. While I was not affected strongly by the emotion of the story, I found it satisfying to read another author's emote-piece. I've now written at least two stories built entirely around a single emotion or series of emotions, and I'm currently writing a fictionalization of a dream I had recently. I know what it's like to get that feeling out and onto the computer or paper. So fulfilling, in its way.
Reading your story brought that to the surface. Even though I'm not quite the right recipient to full appreciate your message, and many won't be, that's just the nature of literature. Those people who are able to feel it, will feel it hard. You did well in your capture of a character's emotions. (Would Celly really be able to feel exactly that way? Probably not in her canon characterization. Does that matter for this story? Not in the slightest.)
Good job. Keep writing. If you get any more stories from dreams or strong emotions, I'll want to read them.
Eternity is only hell if you spend it alone.
Absolutely incredible. Depressing, sad, heart-wrenching, but incredible ...
One minor nitpick though, you imply Luna and Celesta became gods by using the Elements of Harmony; yet Twilight and the rest of the mame six died of natural causes ...
761127
Good point. I like to think that the both of them wielded all six of the Elements, while the mane six only wielded one each.
Eh. It could go both ways, I suppose.