• Member Since 15th Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen Feb 19th, 2021

Bronymaster


A software engineer and former editor.

E

Princess Celestia is confused when she finds a love letter in her room, though she learns a little something from it.

This was written a long time ago, and I leave it up more as a reminder of where I started than as an example of where my skills are now. Regardless, hopefully you'll find this story to be an amusing waste of time.

-Thanks to TheEsperBrony for editing

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 29 )

Aw, that was sweet. Well done sir, bravo! :twilightsmile:

cute fic, not perfect, but it at least puts Celestia in a nice light. not faverite or track worthy, but it deserves a green thumbs up.:twilightsmile:

Nice to see another Celestia-centric story that shows her in a good light.

It was... nice.

I'd be very happy to see your name next to another Celestia story.

I really like her... Mane? Good story, sweet. Unlike storiesatandrom though I think it is favorite worthy. To each man his own though.

Wow, this received a much better reception than I thought it would. Thanks everypony!

???

in all honesty i thought it was discord that sent the letter

Congrats, BronyMaster. I look forward to reading your future projects. :twilightsmile:

Really nice story....I expected the admirerer to be Discord, but it was a good twist to make it the guard. Can't wait for some more of your fics!

While I can't understand how others could have thought the author of the letter to be Discord (Seriously dudes, wtf?) when it was obviously the guard, I will say this:

It's a good story. Not good enough to fav, but you have a positive rating from me just on the fact that you have Celestia in a positive light (a frustratingly rare trend in the fandom) and it's very...fluffy and sweet.

In other words...

dash.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/132434205267.jpg

486778
Thank you! I've always seen Celestia in a really positive light. I have no idea where everything about her being evil or a troll popped up from.

487688

Alternate character interpretation, and her own slightly prank-happy nature. The tyrant or molest-happy bit...

Yeah, I got nothing. Just more alternate character interpretation.

500003
I'm actually surprised anyone liked this story. I wrote it at like five in the morning while I was half-dead, and every time I go back over it I cringe at the ending in particular.

500031
I once thought about writing a story about Spike's moustach growing a beard.

Why the heck do you not like this story? Apart from your current WIP this is some of the best writing that I've seen from you. There are a few problems here and there, but there's nothing nearly as bad as with your other story that I reviewed.

You mentioned to me that Celestia's characterization was off, and you're right. Both her and Luna suffer from dialogue that sounds more forced and wooden. Remember that your dialogue has to differ from your prose in that you're fleshing out a living, breathing individual, and not a puppet that you're putting on strings. You already know that problem though, and thankfully it's really the only one that I'm seeing here.

I'd like to point out quite possibly my favorite line in this whole thing:

"True, she was sent a couple of love letters every now and then by stallions, and even once or twice by mares, but they always arrived along with the rest of the mail."

At the risk of diverting into ranting territory, if there is one thing that I can't stand about shipping stories, it's the common assumption that ponies have just as much prejudice as some of our cultures do with homosexuality. I've read God knows how many stories with that very theme, two mares or stallions trying to accept the oppressive society that doesn't approve of such a relationship. Having Celestia here acknowledge something like this in such an open-minded manner is exactly how it should be. Equestria is supposed to be a paradise of acceptance and generosity, and such petty things like our resistance against different forms of sexuality should not be expressed in pony fanfiction. That's why I love this line, because you manage to only use a few words to illustrate what makes Equestria so special in the first place.

Let's move on, then!

The actual letter was well done, though if I were to give any form of feedback I would suggest that you try and divert the letter's stylization from that of the prose. I can't tell whether or not you were attempting that in the first place, but if you did, then it needs to be more clear. Have the guard have his own writing style. One of the easiest ways to do that would be to make him poor with words or concise instead of descriptive.

Luna feels especially 'off', though that can be stemmed from the dialogue problems, which I already explained. Otherwise I don't think that I have much else to say... this was a great read, and I think that it would really benefit from an overhaul now that your writing has improved. Thankfully it's a shorter piece, so that shouldn't be as hard to accomplish. :twilightsmile:

500103
[youtube=7dchiYx5Hzo]

893341
I've already seen that and can I ask why you posted that here?

893347
It's a good story, then i tried pasting a quote i forgot it was a video quite :rainbowdetermined2:

An interesting story. A few mistakes and errors, like the ending where you forgot, or neglected to keep the reader informed on who was talking. (I hate that!) Also, the sad part about it was the whole time, I'm thinking to myself "Where's the slice of life tag?" Overall, I did like it... but then I didn't as It's just a letter and a lesson. To earn my liking, you need an actual STORY! This was simple, mushy romance. It was good... but then is was unappealing at the same time.

Over all grade: C (%76)

1122605
*Shrugs* I personally don't care. I wrote this back in February, when I had first ever begun writing. I already told you it was bad. Again, *Shrugs*

Interesting. I like it.

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