Epilogue
Flash Sentry sat by his bed, eyeing the thick leather-bound book Princess Twilight had given him. If what she said was true, then it had to go off soon.
He laid back on his bed, running his fingers through his hair. He had always thought Princess Twilight was cute. He supposed it started as a simple crush, but finding out she was an all-powerful magic princess who actually still liked him? That was too much.
He had spent countless hours going back and forth, wondering if it would ever work out, and that maybe he could try things with the Twilight of this world when the Princess came to visit him, alone. He had learned of the other Flash, and the fact that he only made the Princess want to see him all the more.
He felt nervous and excited all at the same time. There was so much stuff they had to work out. The species difference was huge, but Twilight had told him spending time in her world could fix that. They’d be the same species in whatever world they were in. If it worked out, he’d have to move to her world, no getting around that. It’s not like a princess could just abandon her subjects. Still, with the portal open, it’d be no different than moving into another country.
He was interrupted by a vibrating noise. He looked up to see the book glowing and shaking. He had it in his hands before he knew it and had opened to the first page.
Flash, I hope this is reaching you okay. It’s been such a busy day for me. The girls told me everything that happened with the other me, and it gave me so much to do here. Plus I had to look out for Starlight (my new student) and I’m just exhausted. I know we have some serious things to talk about, but right now I just want to chat. Please, tell me how things have been for you since we defeated the Dazzlings.
Smiling, Flash reached for a pen.
Abacus Cinch, the ‘Principal” title no longer applied, trudged through her front door. This was a disaster. Dean Cadance... no, Principal Cadance... had made good her threat. She had resigned to leave with some measure of dignity, but it was no good. Word was out on her. No school would even consider her, she was cancer as far as they were concerned.
She growled, especially after hearing the pop music coming from Fleur's room. That idiot girl would keep pampering herself, even with no money coming in. Funny how the gene pool did that to you.
Trying to block out her daughter’s taste in music, she walked into her private study, ready to enjoy her wine a little more than usual.
She was shocked to find someone already sitting in her chair.
It was a woman. Dark black skin and green hair, which hung off her back in a loose wave, were her most striking features. She wore what looked like expensive business attire, dark grey with a skirt that came down to her knees. She was sipping a glass of wine from one of Cinch’s best selections, as if the house was her own.
“W-who are you?”
The woman smiled, but it looked like one a spider might give a fly caught in her web. “Let’s just say I’m a friend. One that has an interesting proposal for you, Ms. Cinch.” She took another sip. “1952. A fine year.”
“And why, pray tell, did you have to break into my house to offer me this?”
“Cinch, I really don’t think we should be talking about magic in public.”
The ex-principal was stunned. She took a step back, never taking her eyes off this strange woman. “Wh- look, who are you? What’s your name?”
The woman grinned. “Call me Miss Chrysalis.”
To be continued...
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Sequel?
Sequel??
SEQUEL!!!!!!
This is going to be an amazing roller coaster to follow.
Oh, you always have to do this....
Quite a ride for something so short.
(Ironically, one of my favorite fics actually has Captain Flash be prone to improvisation and find Princess Twilight too uptight... which of course doesn't get in the way of some belligerent sexual tension. And EQG never happens in that canon so no word on the human versions.)
Fleur is Cinch's daughter!? I liked it better that Cinch is related to Sunny Flare...
Excellent work on this entire (semi) short story. Excellent work on all the exchanges, emotional content, humor and sequel set-up in all the right places. :-D
SEQUEL!!!
CANNOT WAIT FOR THE SEQUAL! But please, take as much time as you need on it.
Fleur being Cinch's daughter was unexpected. I'm so use to seeing Sunny Flare as her daughter that I did not see the change coming, though it would maybe explain why Fleur was such a bully to Twilight.
I'm glad you will be doing Flashlight romance in the sequel. I honestly am fine with whichever version of Flash Twilight gets with, though I do more often see her with pony Flash, but a few times she is with Human Flash. I'm actually impressed with Flash's plan to move to Equestria to be with Twilight, never thought of that before honestly. It really would be like moving to another country, one that's only 5 minutes away and easy to visit the family whenever he would want.
As always, I look forward to your next stories - you always find something ner to do!
So Chrysalis makes an offer to Cinch. This should be interesting. Great story though!
6773187
He's not exactly planning to move to Equestria, he just knows that'd have to happen if things worked out between them. It's a little early in the relationship to really commit.
And yeah, that's the reason. Fleur has to put up with her mother 24/7, and she's constantly berating her for not being a top tier student. She's constantly compared to SciTwi, leaving her bitter.
6772841
Yeah, I can never keep thing simple, huh?
6772859
Is that really a thing? I've never seen it...
6772884
This isn't connected to the Nuptialverse. My take on EqG in that timeline will be much different.
6773227 There's a fic about the Rainbooms and the Shadowcolts hanging with each other after the Friendship Games. Unfortunately, I've forgotten the name, but it's there somewhere.
6773268
I think you mean "Of Wondercolts and Shadowbolts"
6773306 That too, I guess.
This definitely explains why Fleur was a major bully to Twilight.
Fleur being Chinch's daughter? I can believe that, at least for this fic.
So you're planning a sequel, sounds good.
Some points I'd love to see continued: Sunset's reunion with Celestia, Sci-Twi meeting Princess Twilight's parents, and if they can arrange it (which I think it's in-character for them to be) having the pony Apples (AJ, AB, Big Mac) meeting the parents of their human counterparts. Even if you can't place them in the scenes because whatever I ask to place some mention it happened (like in the book messages)
About the FlashLight ship I can only ask please take it slowly; as of now Twilight and Flash have mostly a crush, and if you want to make it a good ship you need to have them to grow up from the crush into romance proper. The species barrier shouldn't be trivialized, even with the free transformation that gives the portal, because there's a whole cultural background they have (for example, what if human!Flash's favorite food is steak?), even having their characters clash if needed.
I'll be waiting for your sequel to this story.
Cross dimension relationships NEVER work out!!!!
It would explain Fleur's attitude if she were Cinch's daughter; expecting the principal to get her a free pass and all that!
I'm glad you're going to write a sequel. I'll be honest, this ending was rather lackluster for me. The thing with Starlight was never really important for the story (and was pretty dark, but that was already discussed in other comments), there was little emotion in Sunset's discovery that she could return to Equestria, and the romance seemed very forced, especially with SciTwi and Captain Flash.
I also didn't really like the part with Captain Flash. I get that Twilight didn't like him. I get that the girls were able to overcome him (being in a completely different form will do that to you). But for Twilight to see him--a member of the Royal Guard, likely sent there at one of the other princesses' insistence--bound and gagged and to be perfectly okay with it? I don't buy it. I'd at least expect her to have them untie him, even if she were grinning while telling them.
As for positives, I liked how you handled Twilight's revelation that SciTwi represents the Element of Magic. It was an emotional scene indeed. I also liked how Fleur is Cinch's daughter. That certainly does explain things, and I'm sure it'll come up in the sequel. Lastly, I liked the cliffhanger. I really am interested in seeing how this plays out.
Can't wait to read the sequel. Good luck in your future endeavors
!
Nice ending, although I would have used Sombra. But whatever.
Fleur is Cinch's daughter?! There is some major irony in there, and maybe an explanation for why the former seems to have a major axe to grind with Twilight.
I whole heartedly agree with you on the subject of Flashlight. Generally, I'm fine with either human Flash or pony Flash, but given a choice, I prefer to ship Princess Twilight with the human version; although it never occured to me to ship human Twilight with pony Flash. That should be interesting. By the way, anyone who says that the interdimenaional relationships would never work simply lack imagination. I already have an idea for making them work. Here's a hint: it's easy to figure out if you've ever watched "Chaotic".
Did you mean to write lacks?
6782483
Just because the Summer Sun Celebration in season 4 was the first we saw on-screen since season 1 doesn't mean only 1 year passed. No-one said on screen "it has been exactly one year since then". Part of what contributes to this is the creator stated that officially season 4 took place over 6 months, but that means Winter would have been completely off-screen. I like to think in the long run each season equals 1 year in total because it makes everything easier.
6773610
I don't think Sci-Twi or Applejack would want to meat the pony counterparts of their parents, because they'd find the experience too painful. Still, maybe by accident...
And yeah, don't worry, my goal is to really develop their relationship
6774289
A soldier in a body he's not used to against the three most athletic girls in the group.
6777390
Well, Sci-Twi and Captain Flash just have an attraction. There's no real romance yet.
And Flash isn't there at anypony's insistence, he explicitly came there against the Princess's best interests.
6779057
Hmm... apparently I need an editor for author's notes too.
6782706
Celestia said she was looking forward to enjoying it "for once", citing she's happy with Luna back. Kind of awkward if it's been more than a year.
Not that I mind; it was a good read.
6774103 Not with that attitude
6808607
You get to read the rest of the story!
6808938
Yeah... kinda grew on me...
6778104 Well, Chysaly had the advantage to have already been foreshadowed in a previous chapter, while Sombra would have felt like coming out of nowhere.
6811135
Given that SciTwi is at the same point (character development wise) as Princess Twilight was shortly after moving to Ponyville, I wasn't expecting her to sprout wings yet (given that pony Twilight was still a 'regular old unicorn' at that point and quite far from being ready for ascension).
You do have a point in that the girls probably would be questioning this difference; unless I'm missing something, they don't know what becoming an Alicorn entails at this point. Depending on what they know about the three pony races, they might have even assumed that Princess Twilight was a pegasus at some point (assuming they are unaware that in Equestria, Princess = Alicorn) before Sunset corrected them.
6811135
6812333
Twilight and/or Sunset told them off-screen. They've had plenty of conversations, it seems unlikely it would have never come up.
6812520
True. Makes sense for that topic of conversation to come up at some point.
Nice work, looking forward to the sequel.
Dang this has been a good story. I find it amusing that you've ended up implementing similar ideas to what I have planned for the future (a harsher punishment for Cinch, the existence of a Twilight Guard with an insistent and slightly protective commander), though I'm proud to say I'll be executing them a little differently. And I definitely have something different planned for Fleur Dis Lee, though I'm starting from similar origins to you.
Anyway, gonna read the sequel ASAP.
Now that was a good read.
After the roller coaster ride of the Nuptialverse plus the spin-off, it's nice to just have something short and sweet that can be enjoyed on its own.
The only thing I actually have an issue with, is the fact that the events of the IDW 2014 Holiday Special were included. This doesn't affect the quality of the story for me, but I personally could've done without being reminded of one of the worst Christmas specials ever released. I know this story is tagged "Alternate Universe" and I know you've sprinkled in snippets from the comics in your other stories before, but this was a personal gripe of mine that takes me out of the experience slightly (than again I'm someone who doesn't like the MLP comics in general).
So in spite of a personal pet peeve, I really liked this one and faved it instantly. I've read the first chapter of the sequel and am looking forward to more in future.
6788996
She never actually said "for once" at all. She said it has now become a wonderful reminder of her sister's transformation back into Princess Luna.
6857882
Do you see it as killing Starlight? That seems to be the main issue people have with this. By that logic, Starlight was a willing murderer, killing seven people knowingly and everypony else as a side effect. It'd be like a cop shooting a crazed madman who wouldn't stop killing people every second. Regrettable, but hardly anything to condem the cop for.
Heck, Twilight would automatically be a mass murderer the minute she went back in time after seeing the Sombraverse, since she killed everypony by retgoning them. She's already a mass murderer, what's one more?
We know Starlight could be talked down, but Twilight had know way of knowing that, especially after Starlight's first reaction to being showed the wasteland was to go into denial. It would be more disturbing if she gambled with everypony's lives on the off chance she could talk her out of it.
I'm sorry if this seems like a rant, but Starlight's been at the center of a lot of things that have bugged me, both in-universe and out. If you disagree, fine, but please don't act like Twilight did anything ruthless or cold blooded. She was faced with a major crisis and did what she thought of as a merciful act.
EDIT: And for the record, I had the idea for Twilight raising a deaged Starlight the moment the spoiler got leaked, even if my first idea was that magic deaged her. (I couldn't think of a way to work that in, so I went with retgone) I decided to use it before the episode even aired in some way. This is no real response to the finale.
This was fairly interesting. I like what you've done with changing the EQG world from the 'actual' Equestria and the ponies that live there. This story is right on par with what I've come to expect from one of my preferred writers over the years. My only real question is about the time thing. I think you said, somewhere, that there had been a five year gap between Starlight Glimmer being saved and now, but then it doesn't seem like it has been, so I think I've misunderstood what that was about.
Other than that, this was a nice story. It was kept simple and it's perfectly able to sand on its own, without the next part if a person so wished it too. Great job, and I look forward to more in the future.
6859854
I think what Twilight's saying that it's been five years since she and her friends fought Nightmare Moon and saved Luna.
6861677 Oh, right, that would make a lot more sense. Thank you!
6861789
Happy to help!
6756379 Would you object too terribly if I adapted the idea of the pony counterparts for the Shadowbolts being part of Twilight's guard? Or at least on her staff? It just seems like too good an idea to not go with.
6858938
Using that logic, everytime anyone/anypony makes a decision, they are effectively killing off a possible future version of themselves that chose differently. By this reasoning, the events of Amending Fences effectively killed off a future version of Moondancer that chose to remain a hermit. Taken to the extreme, any action taken results in effectively retgoning a possible future timeline. My interpretation of events is that Twilight effectively reset Starlight back to before her Start of Darkness hoping that a better upbringing will enable her to be a better pony than she was the first time around.
Also:
I think the bolded part should have been Starlight unless you intended to have Twilight somehow raise a younger version of herself
6874798
Thank you. I honestly didn't mean for it to be a punishment.
6931571
I thought that the original reason for Cadance recording the conversation was a bit awkward. I figured that this makes more sense and emphasizes Cadance's Mama Bear tendancies to her charge.
Overall, a very good read. B, B+. The Flash shipping demands a pitchfork waving mob, of course, but I think we can forego the torches. This time.
6976778
It's not meant to be seen as the right way to do things, per say, just what I think a group of strong teenagers might do to handle it. Rarity even questions whether it was necessary. And to be clear, RD held back. She just wanted to scare Fleur off, not really hurt her.
I normally loathe FlashLight. The movie forcing the McGuffin to Twilight, and the horrible ship that it is. Ruined it for me. Especially since there was no build up, nor reason for a relationship. It's the stuff of horrible OC shipping that people picked up since they don't want a F/F ship. Heck even the movies treat it like a gag, nowadays.
They have nothing in common, never interact in a meaningful way, and cannon Twilight is shown to be leaning towards homosexual than straight. Heck she has (outside of family) 0 male interactions, 0 shown interest in males, and a whole lot of love for females.
That said. I'll look at what you do. Since normally you do good work. But Flash being an omnivore, growing up in a tech advanced society, and other than military training, more or less the same as his counterpart (except not as mature (seeing as how ponies have jobs and can run businesses at 12, and he's 16 with no prospects for the future. And human education is less advanced than ponies (even elementary school ponies learn High School chemistry and College level astrophysics in cannon)). Will not only have a horrible culture shock when he has to live in Equestria, but will be physically the same pony that Twilight has 0 feelings for, nor attraction in her native universe.
______________
Still other than him. It'll be an interesting sequel.
7187254
I actually think Vinyl being mute is interesting, given that she's such a party girl. A wild child that has to stay silent...
And like I said, what they did to Fleur isn't necessarly meant to be seen a right, Well, standing up for Twi is right. Remember, they're a group of teenagers, they're common sense is still developing.
7187478
On Trixie... well, I'll save that for when I write an addendum to No Second Prances.
7187599
I never saw adding Flash as homophobic. An unnecessary subplot, yes, but nothing against fillyfooling. And I think Twilight was pretty much uninterested in love before meeting Flash.
And of course Twilight is uninterested in Pony Flash: He's not the same Flash she fell in love with. No counterparts are 1:1, they have personality differences.
7187646
Flash is 18 in my canon, about to graduate. He wants to be a cop, so...
7188026
- Yeah interesting. And not in anyway story breaking, and it's pretty cool. I just have pity on her since she has a sexy voice, that's freaking hawt! IMO. And yeah ... their common sense is just developing. I just hope it doesn't bite them in the butt, after all her matured, adult-ish self is a rather fine young mare. But hurt, angry people, with access to magic, tend to lash out. I'll keep my reserve of Flutterhugs handy in the sidelines.
____________________
- I can't wait.
______________
- I never said he was. Rather in your other Equestria Girls fic. There seems to be a lot of hate towards homosexuals InVerse. At least earth level hate. And it doesn't make sense if there's a larger amount of females to males. (Not double, or quadruple like some people write. But still mathmatically enough that it would be not something as uncommon as earth (which is 4.7% of the population).
As for uninterested in love. Not really. She's rather interested. Just so happens to be mares.
_____________________________________
- So he's older than Twilight. Interesting. Still, that'd put him as a Royal / Town Guard in Equestria. Which the real turn off for Twilight with pony Flash is his military bearing. Something Flash would pick up and gain once he got in. Since they'd need to make him a soldier.
Then there's the following differences they'd need to work on / overcome:
* Twilight is hyper intelligent for a pony; Flash is average intelligence for a human (not stupid, but not particularly smart).
* Twilight is an adult pony, in a race where adulthood is basically twelve; Flash isn't an adult for another 3 yrs. And is far behind in terms of social, mental, and physical development.
* Twilight comes from a world where seafood and eggs are the only meat they eat with regularity. Flash is an omnivore, who'll need to become completely vegan. (Well Pescetarianism).
* He comes from a high tech world, with economy, infrastructure, and science above what Equestria has. Twilight's world other than a few bits of tech is at 1900's tech / Industrial Era. A century and some change behind earths.
* Twilight loves lecturing, talking about a wide variety of subjects, too the point that even her closest friends pass out. Flash doesn't really have that love for learning. He likes his music, and his band. But not really one to sit through a pony college level lecture on the subject of the hour.
Still if those huge culture shocks and differences can be worked out. And it's done with some build up (and it can last after he becomes a soldier in Equestria when he moves over. Or the discipline and rule following, and regulations he'll need to learn as a cop). Then good for them. But starting off. They need to build it up, since their's 0 actual chemistry (other than Twilight being flooded with human hormones overloading her normal mental processes, in a less developed mind) in the movies.
If you can pull it off, would put him on a very short list of Flash Sentry's I can stand. (The only one so far is from the Savage Skies Series. But that has him shipped with a female OC.)
________________________________
- As for a not 1:1 mental correlation. I can see that with such a different world. But where it comes to Flash. As he is, he's very much different. Since they have different life choices and opportunities. But if he goes to become a cop. He'll be a lot like if not mostly like Equestria's Flash, just as if he goes into law enforcement (The Guard / Royal Guard) in Equestia. Which is more military than earth police. But still would mean he'd have to learn discipline, how to follow orders as well as regulations, and would have to go on the straight and narrow.
7187599
well said to be honest i fully expect sunlight to become canon for the EG films
and on that note i find itsad how many people reduce sunset to some one to fall in love with there male OC and have there male OC be the one true person who can help sunset even thoe in canon she has shown no interest in any one other than twilight
I don't usually read human stories but this was really good. I really like the idea of starlight glimmer being adopted by twilight.
7188272
7187646 You're kind is pretty much the reason why I'm very reluctant to come out.
Darth, let me just put in my two cents. Don't listen to anyone who undermines the story you've written here. It's good. It's really, really good because of how real it is. There are a few nitpicks, but they're egregiously minor so as not to ruin it for me (the flaws are what make it even better). I love the pairing of Twilight and Flash, due to being a fervent reader and fan of Persona EG by MythrilMoth, who's done an excellent job with the pairing. All of this straight hate (last time I checked, it's a thing
) is very regressive and wrong, and is sending LGBT back by a long mile; it's just petty and reeks of broken people lashing out. I'm bi curious myself, and let me tell you this, I don't let my pain speak for me. I was mercilessly bullied in school, but not for the reasons that some might think. I was teased for being fat, for being weird, for crying, etc. But here's where the best part comes in. I grew up, and I know that the world isn't really all that simple. There are a lot of damaged people in this world, and also those who think they know what's best, when all they're really doing is making the issues we struggle everyday with worse. Don't let people like Eater browbeat you, I've seen this doing more harm than good, trust me. You have to believe me when I say this, you're doing just fine.