• Member Since 15th Nov, 2014
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

EchoWing


Geek boy, aspiring writer, and proud Brony with a story to tell.

Sequels1

E

In the aftermath of the Fall Formal, Sunset Shimmer has fallen. Her power in Canterlot High is gone, and she's been exposed for the monster that she is. With nowhere else to go and nothing she can do, she retreats to where she's hidden herself since arriving in the human world, a realm that links Canterlot High and Equestria. But she isn't the only one to know about this realm, on either side, and perhaps with a little help from her new friends and her old mentor, she can find it in her to rise again.

Cover Art by Alyssa Hartwick.

Part of the Quiververse

Chapters (2)
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Comments ( 41 )

I feel like there were so many characters in the portal-world that the emotional impact got a little lost. It just felt too crowded.

“This one is indirectly connected to the other world, leading to a third, smaller realm. A portal there leads to the world you went through, but one who enters through this side cannot enter it.”

“And someone from the human world can’t use it to enter our world either.”

I don't think I get it. :rainbowhuh:

Is it like Equestria<->X<->CHS, but X can only be left via the same side as it was entered? That seems a bit weird and arbitrary...

except... wait, these portals don't transform people, right? Humans and ponies both keep their shape.

Her gaze turned towards the mirror, and she found herself drifting towards it, one hand coming to rest on its surface.

two alicorns, one tall and majestic with a free-flowing mane that brought to mind an aurora

In that case, I suppose there's a plausible reason why the other portal wouldn't let you through: No ponies in the human world or vice versa. Without the transformation powers of the direct portal, you can't cross over. :twilightsmile:

I also feel that the scene got too crowded. The reunion of Sunset and Celestia was (seemingly) the climax of the story, and when it seemed like the story was drawing to a close, suddenly even more ponies showed up.

The Mane Six meeting their counterparts was a great plot point, but it's comedic and a stark contrast to the more serious/emotional part that precedes it. Maybe a chapter break could have helped?

5358662

Check my blog for further details on the story, but the short version is that I figured whoever made the portals (intended to be Star Swirl the Bearded and later confirmed by canon) wanted to keep in touch with someone. Eliminating confusion was the whole point behind the portals working the way they did, and I also figured it would lessen the chances of paradoxes.

And I agree, things got a little crowded towards the end. I initially posted this on DeviantArt as two parts for spacing issues, and set the story up in such a way that it could be separated right where Cadance and Shining Armor enter the story. I probably should've posted it this way here; might just go ahead and do that. As for the scene getting crowded, well, I'll admit, as time went on, this story went from being a single installment to a setup for future stories.

For now, chapter break. In time to come, future stories with Sunset Shimmer in the interim betwixt this story and an alternate version of "Rainbow Rocks". But first, my thanks for reading the story and I hope that you enjoyed it.

5358305

Yeah, sorry, I think you've got a point there. I'm going to separate it a little; hopefully, that'll help.

5360509
Sweet. I feel like the story had a lot of potential, but it got lost in the crowd. Would love to give it a second look when it's less crowded.

5360519

I don't know if it's less crowded now, but I've separated it into two chapters, so that might help.

I liked the story, but I'd agree with the crowding, and Celestia just bringing everyone into the third realm. But you know, it worked out perfectly fine. You got a good range on your vocabulary, and I enjoyed reading every word of this story.

5430017 Thanks. I'll admit, bringing everyone in may not have been the smartest idea on my part - the story probably should've ended with Twilight starting to recount the series premiere - but I felt like it was needed for Sunset to know she'd been forgiven, and that there was a home waiting for her back in Equestria. Plus it led to that little bit with Rarity, and I have every intention of following that up.

Glad you enjoyed the story, however, and thanks for faving it.

I posted a review for this story as part of the recent Sunset Shimmer group's recent round of Mini-Reviews, and it can be found here! :twilightsmile:

5714648 Thanks! I'll put more of a reply there rather than here. :twilightsmile:

My review circle review blog post for this story: Here

Nicely done. I'm very glad I found this one. :pinkiehappy:
Definitely worth a favorite and a like.

5782503 Thanks very much! I hope you enjoy the follow-up, and the rest of my little alt-verse, as much as you've enjoyed this one!

Seems half decent if a bit short and typically on the positive side. I hope you'll write a bit more.

A regretful expression crossed Celestia’s face. “Alas, no. While I have no objection to her returning to Equestria to stay, I cannot retake her as a student, no matter how much I may want to.” A smile formed as she added, “That said, I think that somepony else may be better suited for the task.”

Is this because she doesn't have a need for a student anymore? Does she only accept potential princesses and if you flunk out, that's it? What's your rationale behind this. I can understand her not wanting or needing to or Sunset being to old, but Celestia's statement strikes me as a little odd.

P.S.
I find the whole Celestia got/had a student to get a 'Princess of Friendship' thing kind of silly just as much her being able to make Alicorns. The latter kind of makes it highly sketchy for her to elevate just one pony and so on. It's also unnecessary here, I think, and make Sunset's failure much more of Celestia's oops and Twilight's alicornness more of preferential treatment by Celestia.

5875553

Celestia can't take Sunset back as a student because she expelled Sunset. She can't just undo something like that. You get expelled from one school or school system, you have to go to another one.

As for getting/having a student to get a 'Princess of Friendship'...that's something that's going to come up in the follow-up to this story, currently in progress, and (amazingly) backed by official sources (or at least semi-official, depending on how you view the comics). Same with Celestia's ability to make alicorns. I won't spoil it, but I will say that Celestia saw a lot of the same things in Sunset that she saw in Twilight and all of her other students. Twilight didn't become an alicorn because she was Teacher's Pet; there was a lot more at play than that. She wasn't the first pony to ascend, after all, and she won't be the last, either. Take that as you will.

5875615
I see. Although, seeing as it's her school, expulsion is in some sense temporary even if rescinding it would be bad policy.

5875799

Perhaps, though I tend to think that breaking into secure areas and making unrealistic demands would constitute a rather strict punishment.

5875866
Perhaps, but as I think about it, I'm not ensure sure being Celestia's personal student/protege/etc is intrinsically tied to the canterlot school for gifted unicorns or whatever it's called. Additionally, in forgiving Luna, Celestia potentially forgave more than any pony deserves and thus makes any case where she punishes someone for less a double standard, particularly if they've paid an adequate or excessive degree of suffering.

Depending on what Sunset was really after in the first place and the relationship between her and Celestia, Celestia could be either shrugging or rather harmful here.

5883476

So far as my works are concerned, being Celestia's personal student or protege is tied to the school - Twilight applied to attend, and it's only due to doing so that she became Celestia's student. I've got no reason to assume otherwise for Sunset.

As for Luna, there's enough evidence that there were mitigating factors behind what she did - it was hinted by Faust herself, and outright confirmed by the comics, that Luna was manipulated and possessed, in addition to being severely depressed. Those are mitigating factors that, so far as we know, weren't a factor in Sunset's case.

In both cases, however, Celestia and Luna/Sunset agreed that mistakes were made on all parts. Exactly what Sunset wanted is something I'm delving into with the follow-up, however, so feel free to debate that there.

This was pretty well put together. I like the idea of the third area, even if as Csqured said, it got a bit crowded. Really sweet; something I could see occurring in-show. Nice work!

6062307 Thanks! I'll admit, it did get a bit crowded at the end, but I like to think it was counterbalanced by some of the more touching moments.

6062365 Indeed so. You did a good job!

The writing here flowed, and there were no technical issues that drew me out of the experience. That 'spare room' idea was nice stroke of creativity. Though I'll also go along with the other notes about the crowd at the end getting a bit pressing on the emotions going back and forth. =)

6349001 Yeah, that seems to be the single biggest issue folks have with this story. I'm happy with it, but I might just have tried to do too much at once. Live and learn, yes? But folks like it regardless, so I'm going to take that as a win.

nice. I'm working on a tale where the EQs meet their Mane 6 counterparts in Equestria.
very well-done and entertaining.

6375926 Thank you! I hope your tale proves as popular as this one has been.

"Her expression softened, and Rarity knelt before the dragon and drew him close in a hug, standing up and holding him in her arms as if he were still the cute puppy that she’d met barely two days previous. “Well, dog or dragon, you are still absolutely adorable.”
“Oh, I agree.” Fluttershy approached and joined them. “I’d have never thought a dragon could be so cute.”
Sunset Shimmer laughed. “Well, he is a baby dragon. Trust me; the full-sized ones aren’t nearly as cuddly"
SO ADORABLE!!!

7691627 Aw, thank you. That part just flowed perfectly out of my head and onto the proverbial page, and I'm really glad that folks like it. :yay:

This has been reviewed by The Reviewers' Cafe. You can find the review here:

https://www.fimfiction.net/group/211585/reviewers-cafe/thread/308771/reviews#page/5

8472813
Thank you, I'm glad that you approve of the story.

I have to say, I've always rather liked the idea of the "third realm" in between CHS and Equestria. ^^ It nicely gives Sunset a place to stay without having her resort to some rough or immoral means of getting by in the human world.

People have talked about the issue of crowding in this story, and I do see that a bit here. But at the same time, I feel that you did a good job of dealing with it through some nice character interactions (the two versions of Twilight's friends meeting never fails to make me smile :twilightsmile:)

8613842
I'm surprised and pleased at the fact that no one seemed to come up with it before I did, to be honest. And while I've managed to come up with all sorts of backstory to go with it since, when I conceived of it at the start, it just seemed like a good idea at the time.

And while it was a bit crowded, I will never be ashamed of the human-pony interactions.

8614092
Heck, some of my favorite ideas for story material have been because of "it seemed like a good idea at the time". And hey, points for uniqueness!

Indeed! Be proud of the pony-human interactions, friend - they were a blast! (Oh, Rarity... XD)

8614411
Nice to know I'm not alone then.

This was way more reasonable than I remember it being. Hm. Splitting it at least made the first chapter enjoyable enough.

There it is. There's the giant crowd I remember. Waaaaaaaay too crowded. All the conversations just jumbled together. And while that makes sense because that's what would likely happen in a crowd like that anyway, it doesn't make for the best reading experience.

9384317
In hindsight, the large crowd was probably not the wisest idea, but that's just how things worked out with this one. In any case, thanks for giving it another look.

She laughed as she nodded off and thought aloud, “Wait ‘till Lyra Heartstrings hears about all of this…”

:rainbowlaugh:

9654302
Oh, how I'm looking forward to the payoff for that line.

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