• Member Since 10th Feb, 2014
  • offline last seen Tuesday


Just somewurm who likes films and food. LOTS of food. I AM a Tatzlwurm after all (although I deplore the stereotype of our kind being brutish and mindle- Ooo! BURGER!!!)


You are a changeling who finds himself (yes, changelings can disguise as either gender, but for the sake of simplicity he's a guy, Okay?) in the Everfree forest after the failed assault on Canterlot (You can thank the Queen for that...).

Your landing wasn't exactly the smoothest (in fact, I think you broke a few things), so your memories are fuzzy and the few things you can remember include basic skills, a knack for "hide and seek" and knowledge of movies and serials (you always were a reel buffbug).

And as if Fortuna wasn't kind enough to you, you're lost in a forest, trapped behind enemy lines, can't locate your Hive (although that might not be a bad thing...), and you've never exactly been a lucky bug. You just need to get out of this gorram forest and avoid getting caught or killed (your whole kind is wanted for being the buggy-est wedding crashers in Equestrian history).

What will you do?

Inspired by The Life of a Wanted Changeling (Comment Driven Story) by Down with Chrysalis

Rated "Teen" to give more freedom to commenters.

Chapters (26)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 287 )

do what every man does after he fails GET DRUNK

If possible, find out how long he have been unconscious based on the date and condition of the paper against the date of the failed invasion. Find the source of the paper and possibly a town close by... Food sources are never a bad thing...

The newspaper details Tirek's current rampage across Equestria.

Our changeling decides to singlehandedly do what Chrysalis couldn't, and take over Canterlot Castle. The princesses being stuck in Tartarus, the castle staff all missing their magic, and the elements of harmony being elsewhere won't detract from his achievement, right?

Read All About It!
Discord, God of Chaos Reformed!

Your eyes bug out at that.
"By the Queen's luscious long legs, how long was I asleep!?"

You've heard of the God of Chaos. Everlying has. For such a being to be reformed? It's unheard of. Heck, he's specifically labeled as non food, and you still remember the horror stories told about those that tried to take his love.

"Chicken legs...chicken legs..." you mutter, before shaking your head and checking the date.
It appears you've only been asleep for about a week.
A week...
"How in the 9 layers of Tartarus did I not get eaten sleeping that long?!" you wonder aloud.
"More importantly, how the heck did they Reform the God of Chaos?!"
You then turn the page and see him smiling while holding all of the Elements of Harmony and Celestia in a group hug.
"Ah, they overwhelmed his libido it seems," you chuckle. "But seriously, the Buck these girls are Normal Civilians, this just proves it even more! I mean seriously I...Oooo, what's this?" Your attention is drawn to some celebrity gossip.
"Sapphire Shores is the lead pick to play Radiance in the Power Ponies movie?"
You look up in thought and imagine the pop star in the form fitting costume of the comic book heroine, and drool starts to leak out your mouth at the image.

Other advertisements include Try outs for The Equestria Games, and Recruitment for the Wonderbolts.

The newspaper depicts stories of the royal guard capturing any changelings that managed to survive their forced ejection from Canterlot. It requests that ponies watch for suspicious behavior in their friends and loved ones, and report it if any is detected. However, it seems to purposefully avoid telling the readers what happens to the changelings who get caught...

Our hero, determined to find out what happened to his brethren, sees a blue pegasus with a rainbow mane flying through the air performing tricks and decides to go towards her. Once there, he sees that they are just on the outskirts of a small town, and that the blue mare is being watched by a pink-maned yellow pegasus from the ground. He takes cover behind some foliage and isn't noticed until the pegasus performing fails at her last stunt and is sent flying straight into him.

You continue to search the newspaper. Beneath the "Discord, God of Chaos Reformed!" headline, you see several others of mild interest.

"Preparations Begin for Equestria Games." Huh. Well OK then.

"Trailer Released for Marevengers 3." I missed that? Seems like I have a lot of catching up to do.

"Changeling Hive Remains at Large." Well, that's... good. I guess?

You flip the paper over and find yourself at the classifieds. Normally, these don't interest you that much, but one article in particular catches your eye.

"Terraquest Fantasy Gaming Shop, Now Hiring. Role-Playing, Comics, Manga, Miniatures, Cards. Background in previous hobbies preferred. Inquire at desk, 413 Birdseed Road, Ponyville."

"Ooh! This looks interesting," you say to yourself. "I wonder if- wait, isn't Ponyville where those mares live?" You flip to the front of the newspaper to recheck. "Yeah, this is where those mares live. Hey! I can go there, work at this Fantasy Gaming place, and actually get some legitimate intel on the Elements of Harmony. Then if I ever see my Hive again, we can take those mares down!" You are convinced that this is an excellent idea, and begin to trot off before you realize your plan has two major flaws in it. 1.) Your disguises aren't working, so you can't exactly start infiltrating a town yet, and 2.) you still have no idea where you're going.

You take a second to ponder these flaws. "Hmm. Well, if there's a newspaper here, than it must be relatively close to town, right? Maybe if I just keep walking the way I was before, I'll get there. As for the disguises... maybe they'll have recovered by the time I get to Ponyville. If not, I can just get something from a costume shop and disguise myself the old fashioned way."

With that, you head off.

The newspaper details Tirek's current rampage across Equestria

just then yet another newspaper hits you in the face, with this headline.

Read All About It!
Discord, God of Chaos Reformed!
(yes we know this happened a month ago but we already reported all the interesting stuff OK?)

under the bits mentioning
discord you the see that

The newspaper depicts stories of the royal guard capturing any changelings that managed to survive their forced ejection from Canterlot. It requests that ponies watch for suspicious behavior in their friends and loved ones, and report it if any is detected. However, it seems to purposefully avoid telling the readers what happens to the changelings who get caught...

gulping nervously at that you continue reading... (you had only heard story's but as far as you knew they strapped changelings down to a chair and forced them to read horrible Fanfics on a daily basis and after hearing that you swore to never be caught.) only to find that they literally copy pasted the exact same paragraph you just read as filler.
"OK that's just lazy! who the hay wrote this?"
[ten minutes later]
the newspapers did help you figure out what the hay was going on around you after your impromptu hibernation, but unfortunately you still knew nothing about your location, and at this point you where beginning to starve. it was then you sat under a tree and started to think of a way to find something resembling civilization.

then you facehooved.

all you had to do was climb a tree.

standing up you look up at the plant towering above you.

"could it really be this simple? why the hay diddint I think of this before? " you ask as you start to climb.

the only problem being you had hooves and not fingers.

after the 500th attempt you finally reached the top... only to fall off and land on your back.

" screw it. " you say in defeat. " mabey I can pretend to be a Timberwolve's mom and get some love from her Cubs when she's not around... do Timberwolves even feel love?"
you decided that for the moment you wold lay on your back and contemplate the possibility of impersonating a Timberwolve until you see a rainbow streak suddenly fly above you at blinding speeds.

you decide you should follow it, even if it oddly seemed like a huge storybook cliche.

after reaching a clearing you see a town in the distance as you realized you've reached the edge of the forest.

you then facehooved again as you literally took a grand total of ten steps away from your previous position on the floor, meaning all the time you've spent climbing the tree had been wasted.

"son of a-"

What's the sudden spike in life of a wanted changling side story's? This the second one I seen this week. It's not a bad thing, but its going to be hard to keep up with them all

Hmm... Let's see
The Foal Free Press from Ponyville
I'm pretty sure that's where those girls are from
Uhh... Date is A MONTH?! how exactly did I not get eaten?
"Discord Reformed"
Great they have a god of Chaos on they're side
"new Daring Do movie"
Let's hope It's better than that last one
Oh, New Ponyball Z movie sweet
sigh guess I better get moving.
you began walking through the forest and come across pathway with no ideas left you decide to take it

*I shake the newspaper off my face before looking closely at the front cover. I note the date was several months old and began to read.*

"New Princess crowned? That looks like..." I trailed off. "Oh buck me...that's that...one element the element of Magic i think..."

*I grumbled before rubbing my throbbing head.*

Great...lovely...let's hope her majesty doesn't try ANOTHER invasion...one can only take so much singing.

Good job Kersey! Keep up the good work!

After you read the newspaper you decide to climb a tree to get a better view (using leg-holes to help you climb) when you come across a squirrel that attacks your face and makes you fall and hit every branch on the way down. As you do fall down you unluckily hit every branch on the way down...and mostly hitting your face....ouch.

When you finally manage to reach the top of a tree (after subduing the rabid squirrel), you see a familiar rainbow maned pegasus scouting the area for...something? You decide to try to follow her to see if she cab lead you to some civilization. You attempt to do this by attempting a short glide to the next tree to parkour after her, but...

Your wings still hurt to munch, but you power through the pain to a branch across from you. But the branch then breaks which sends you
tumbling and curisng through the forest outta control!

As you finally arrive at a town, you see it is Ponyville.

"Pony-fanfiction-clichè Nr. 1", you mutter to yourself.

6244145 I already knew this one was in the work when I published mine, so I doubt there are going to be that many. Actually, his thread about his side-story reminded me I could write one.

The newspaper says:

Tirek On the Loose, Aided by Discord!
Discord, the once thought reformed God of Chaos, has betrayed Equestria bu allying himself with the evil centaur Tirek. Ponies from all over have reported the two terrorizing Equestria as Discord rounds the ponies up and letting Tirek consume their magic from not only unicorns, but also the inherent magic from pegasi and earth ponies. Nopony has seen Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, or Princess Cadence since Tirek was seen entering Canterlot Castle. Princess Twilight Sparkle has not been seen since she left the castle hours before Tirek's appearence there. We can only hope that she and the other bearers of the Elements of Harmony can pull us through this dark time.

My favorite movie?
Hm... ARGH! It is so hard, not only because of some I know only the title in my language...
I guess Treasureplanet (Schatzplanet) and Pirates of the Carribean / Curse of the Black Pearl.
What? Cut me some slack, I have not seen any movie really outstanding all others.
Worst? Hm...
I keep away from the bad movies. And if I watch them, I forget them instantly.
But now, Onwards to the story!
You enter the castle, surely I can get love in this dark, spooky, forgotten castle, you think to yourself.

After entering it, the door closes behind you, and you see a pedestal. You remember that it was the pedestal of the Elements of Harmony, and ignore it for the time being. After all, stones cannot love, even if they would be here still.

After wandering around for a while, you reach a library. You try to take the nearest book and read it, but... it seems like the hoofwriting is really old. Like, so old you cannot even read half of the letters!

You go back out, and look down the slimy, disgusting hallway filled with...

No Chrysalis-thrilled backflipping way!, you exclaim mentally, SPIDERS! Spiders are living things, therefore they can love, and therefore I can eat their love!

You pounce on them, squeeing happily and causing them to run away.

"Oh", you realise, "They can easily see I am not one of them, and flee. Chucks to be me."

Obtain a sword and a book in battle Basic battle artes

Example of basic artes

1. Majinken/ demon fang

You frankly don't remember any castles being out here. But if it's abandoned, then you may have just found the perfect place to hide. Heck, if you find your hive, you're sure the queen wouldn't mind an actual castle to rule in.

Also, if you need to go to any nearby settlements, you'll need some sort of currency. That castle might have some valuables to steal. Also, it might have food inside.

You're about 35 percent sure this place isn't actually haunted, but the other 65 percent is not so sure. For all you know there could be zombies, or vampires, or Teenagers and a Talking Dog in there. But to heck with it, what are you going to do, NOT visit the decrepit castle in the middle of nowhere? Also, you're still hungry.

As you go through the spooky castle, you search desperately for the kitchen. You see a bunch of pony armor that could be useful. Maybe you could sell it to a museum.

You also fall into several booby traps.

When you find the kitchen, you find a pantry full of dust. The dust you're assuming must have been food some years ago.
Thankfully, there are three things in there that have not spoiled, for they are incapable of such. A pot of honey, some cans of beans, and Glorious Golden Twinkies.
You go for the beans first...but unfortunately there is no can opener in sight.
"NNNNOOOOOOO!!!!!" you scream to the heavens. "MAH BEANS!!!"
Sad that you can't have the deliciousness, you instead turn your attention to the sweets.
You're 75 percent sure they don't spoil at least...or was that wine?
Either way, you down the Twinkies, and sweeten them up more by dipping them in the honey.
Your pupils dilate with the sugar intake, and suddenly, YOU CAN SEE SOUNDS!!! Techno Music is everywhere, and Everything is happy and awesome.
Actually, you are just high on sugar.
"THE FUTURE IS IN THE PAST!!! ONWARDS FAUSTICORN!" you shout as in your mind you ride the Pony deity through a rainbow universe blowing up buildings made of licorice.

Hours Later
You wake up, lying on an ancient bed, with cracked open bean cans all around you. You have a massive headache, and your eye keeps twitching.
"Uuuggghhh...what the buck happened?" you wonder.
You see that you have spilled bean juice all over your belly, and you find the impromptu can opener in your hand.
"Where in the buck did I get this spear?" you wonder.

You get off the bed, and see a few bottles of wine around, none of them opened. You never much liked wine, too bitter. But still, ponies would pay lots for an ancient bottle. So you pocket them.

You take another look around the room, and see a closet. Within the closet you find.
"A Bowler Hat!" you cry out as you place said object upon your head and look in the mirror.
You then pretend your spear is a cane and speak to your reflection.
"It had been a wonderful evening and what I needed now to give it the perfect ending was a bit of the old Ludwig van."
you say in a creepy voice.
You absolutely love A Clockwork Coconut, even more so when Canterlot snobs tried to ban it.
But now you've got an awesome hat, and as everyling knows, if you have an awesome hat, you can never die.

it was at this point you realized that you where once more lost, or more lost than before, at least that rainbow pony gave you a general direction to head in, now you had nothing, in fact you where pretty sure you had somehow gotten deeper in this queen forsaken place as the shade around the trees had gotten much darker than before, and the tree line seemed thicker not like that was a problem since changelings had decent night vision not as good as bat pony, but it's definitely better than a regular ponies, and the fact you where in a clearing. looking at the withered castle you turned around to once more walk aimlessly around the forest until you got your best idea yet turning around to face the castle again you notice how it easily towers over the tree line and you could easily figure out the location of the nearest town if you reached the top, heck you could probably turn some obscure corner of the place into a safehouse of sorts if you wanted, in case something goes down with the locals of the surrounding town's, assuming you could find your back later that is. even better the only thing between you and the castle was... a rickety old Bridge.... now you weren't afraid of heights or anything but now that you think about it, you couldn't even see the bottom of the huge chasm, sure you tested the bridge, but after seeing a plank fall of it and into the abyss and NOT hearing it hit the bottom you began to have doubts.

inspecting the ropes closer you could see they where starting to become unraveled and the wooden planks didn't exactly look brand new.

sitting down you begin to think of a few backup plans that would let you get across safely in case your judgement was wrong, and the bridge snapped. you came up with the following options:

A. attempt to fly over it with severely injured wings (you'd think they would have healed in a months time) that couldn't even achieve flight in the first place.

B. walk painstakingly slow over the bridge and hope it doesn't fall

C. do the exact opposite and dash across it and hope it won't fall.

D. dash across it and use your wings if it does fall and hope for the best.

you would have thought of more if you hadn't heard the feral growling of a pack of Timberwolves who as far as you could tell where kindly suggesting that you take plan E:

run for your life across the bridge or get mauled to death.

[half a minute later]

after making it to the other side you turn to see that the timber wolves had neglected to follow you this whole time, seemingly scared by the bridge much like you where, in fact one was even testing it by putting pressure on it.

since the bridge was apparently in such a state of disrepair that it could hold of any semi intelligent being you decided this was the opportune time to explore the castle and eventually make it to the top to survey the area, heck there may even be some food lying around, not that changelings could survive solely off physical food, but it could fend off hunger induced headaches for a while.

Oh sweet chrysalis you could feel one comeing on now.


Your pupils dilate with the sugar intake, and suddenly, YOU CAN SEE SOUNDS!!! Techno Music is everywhere, and Everything is happy and awesome.
Actually, you are just high on sugar.

ahh I get it "sugar" haha you mean da white stuff right?

I'm guessing he's seeing this

and hearing this.

As you traipse through the castle, you try to forget the legends you've been told. Of a creature, mysterious, a remnant of a darker past. The Pony of Shadows.

Meh. It's day time. It doesn't come out in the day.

Wait. What was that? A shadow, darting by in a corner. Was that your shadow, or was it something else...

Hehe. Ghosts aren't real. Demons aren't real. You're just getting all worked up over nothing. Hehehe.

Hehehe. Hehe. He heheheh ha ha! Hahaha ha hoo hoo! Hehehoo ha! HAA HAA HEE HEE HOO HOO!!!

A being of shadow slaps you. You shake your head vigorously, before turning to the dark shape. "Thank you. I needed that."

"No problem," the shape relplies. "Now leave me alone. I'm trying to get some sleep."

As you explore the castle in search of a love source, you suddenly remember that changelings can survive on love alone, but they can also temporarily compensate with large amounts of food instead. They can also invoke "Burning Love" to quickly heal injuries if they eat alot of food. This really doesn't help your situation considering you still can't find any food, but it's always a good idea to remember something that could save you some hassle in the future.

As you explore what looks like a old bedroom, you come across a worn out Saddlebag. It has a few holes here and there but besides that is looks to be in pretty good condition. You decide to bring it along with you in case you find something valuable or cool to take with you once you leave the castle.

When you stumble across a old looking armory, you see some pretty looking baseball-sized orbs that look like they have thunderclouds stuffed in them. You pick one up to get a closer look at it, and you see what looks like a actual storm inside it. You look at it in amazement when suddenly lighting strikes in the orb. This freaks you out enough for you to accidentally drop one which shatters and demonstrates that it IS a stormcloud and it produces a flashbag like effect. After you walk around blind for a few minutes, you take the remaining five storm could orbs to use for later.

As you search through a old library you come across a book called "The Dao of the River"[/b written by some pony called Starswirl. Unlike most of the books in the library, this one is still pretty readable. From what you can read from the opening it's about how normal ponies or creatures can use this inner energy called "Chi" to preform magical like moves. You read one of the moves from it called Force Push (telekinetically/telepathically push target away from you) but you comment on how hard it is to actually use these moves.

You also happen to step on some decaying book. You pick it up and see it's called Kung-Fu For Dummies Vol. 2 . You can barley read anything it says, but you manage to make out one of the moves called Chain Punch (Rapid punches to one spot). You put the book into your saddlebag in hopes that you can try to make out some more of it later


Nice comments, but you guys didn't answer the Author's Note Question;

What is your favorite movie?
What is the worst movie you have ever seen?


In all honesty I haven't seen very many movies. I'd probably just answer with something generic both ways.

Best Movie I've seen? Umm... Apollo 13 was good. As for worst movie, I was babysitting this one time and the family had rented Puss in Boots to watch. Not this Puss in Boots movie, though that one wasn't all that great. This one. It's friggin' horrible.

6259700 It's hard to say what my all time favorite movie is, but If I had to pick one, I guess The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly would be it. I love this movie because of a few reasons.
1. Clint Eastwood is King, Hail to Him.
2. It shows how the west wasn't a very good place. Everyone and everything was out to kill you.
3. There is no unnecessary romances, no grandiose hidden meaning, and no political statement, it's just a story of morally questionable people trying to find treasure.
4. Tucco and the Man With No Name have the best Frenemy dynamic I've ever seen.
5. There 3 Way Duel at the end is one of my favorite scenes in movie history.
Freaking Love this Movie.

And for the Worst movie.
Being bad is subjective, but there are horrendous films out there Like Birdemic or The Room, or Riki-Oh. These are terrible movies, but the thing is, I wasn't expecting much out of them. They had no hype, no aspirations, and at the end of the day, they are highly entertaining for their badness.
No, the worst movies are the ones who had all the chances in the world to succeed, and should have succeeded, but because of the wrong story, Actors, and Directors, they failed.
So in that sense, The Transformer Movies are the worst I've ever seen, and I only watched up to 2.
Screw Michael Bay, Screw Shia Labeouf, and Screw that whole damn movie franchise for not being what it should have been :flutterrage:.

OK Favorite movie. Star Wars (the original trilogy of those Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back)
Worst Movie: Corpse Bride. I was never able to sit down past the slow beginning to get to any interesting stuff.

So you see the old abandoned castle in the distance and all you can think of is that one odd changeling with the orange mane who played that weird indie game. What did he call it? Castle Thrashers? Something like that. Well him and all the classic horror movies you used to watch.
You: Why did all the classic monsters movies happen in old castles? Was this one of them? No real lakes or lagoons so I should be safe from an amphibious assault. But what of the vampires and werewolves? Or worse, what if i find a courtyard? Those always have statues. The last thing I need to find is a Weeping Pegasus Statue. (One of the few things you and that other game-loving changeling used to watch when you could slip away for a bit.) Well, I better be cautious all the same no telling how old the place is or if there are any traps set ou*whoosh*
You manage to activate a trap, making you slide down into what looks like the castle's basement.


fine. the awnser is....

I don't know. I'm a gamer, not a movie guy, so all the movies I do watch are generally good, so I can't really say any one movie stands over others. and again I can't say that any of the ones I've seen are bad.

Best movie: Kingsman
Worst: Saw (I HATE horror movies with a Passion)
But yeah you get to the Castle and after all your high jinks you start thinking about what to do, If you could get some form of tolerance from the ponies not only will you survive longer but maybe even start a new life altogether, But how?
That's it If you could make deal or prove your safe then maybe they'll take pity on you, the only real problem is the guards. If you could get around them then you'll be okay, and the only pony who can do that is Princess Celestia's student; You think her name is Twilight Sparkle, From the general Information you DO remember she prides herself on her intelligence, So... a game? You search the castle for something to help your problem and find the following:
(1) Instruction and Strategist's guide To Chess
(1) Strategy guide to Risk
(1) 52 Deck of Cards
And $50,000 worth of Poker chips
As great as these are you need something a bit more to your style so it's fair, and for once in your Life of poor luck you get a Freebie as you rummage through an oddly moon themed Dressers, you find a familiar deck of cards, of course it's not your deck and it probably belonged to someone else, but, as silly as it may be, you do believe in the Heart of the Cards and you hope this belief will save your life

Obtained: Duel Deck #1: The Silver Moon Deck (A Lunar Themed Deck with a focus balance between Monster and Spell cards)
Achievement Unlocked: It's Time To Du-Du-Du-
(These Fics kind-of remind me of a game, And what's a game without collectibles and achievements, y'know)

Favorite movie and worst movie in my life is difficult to pin down. Of the summer is easier. Inside Out is best movie (98% approval rating, BTW).

Pixels, while I love the idea, I'm not perfectly satisfied with how they pulled it off. It's practically an R movie, given the, er, references. I keep veering between whether to rate it okay or low. I just know I was disappointed, but not entire dissatisfied by what I saw.

Best movie: no idea. Worst movie: Skyline.

Cool story bro
Needs more time travel. Or something else. Anyway it needs to be a bit less like the original (in my opinion). I should probably add to thde story myself too so here goes nothing!

After searching the castle some more you end up looking out a window overlooking the gardens. A beatiful view extends in front of you as the sun shines through the leaves of the long since wildgrown trees and exotic plants casting trays of light over the statues depicting every sentient trave you know of and a few more. And that's when multiple of the statues are destroyed! You're interrupted from your beholding of the view as you hear something move behind you. You look back but you're all alone in the room. Shrugging it off you look back at the gardens and notice that something's off about the statues...There are no pension ones! You'd think that you would have noticed earlier but maybe your perception is worse than you thought... Your inser musings are interrupted once again as you hear something begins you again, much closer this time. As you turn to check it out you manage to hit your head on something and knock yourself out. When you wake up again you can hear voices and more importantly SMELL FOOD!

Another of the soldier begin to comment as he raised a hoof.

"Ummm... I don't know if it's related, but I have a cousin that live around here in ponyville and told me something about a changeling and the elements of harmony and a thing about 'This is my meat shield, exist many meat shields' that and strange boxes that appeared and dissapeared" Commented the soldier

"Bah, those are rumors, we investigated and that never happened" Comment the Lieutenant

As the Changeling run from the soldiers, he find himself in the library again, it's then that he have a idea.

"An old castle full of traps, must have a secret passage in the library... It's a classic" Begin to mutter

As he mutter that he begin to move every book, candle and everything he see to try to activate a switch that could open a secret passage. Just when he could hear some voices complaining about how they have been forced to search in a dusty library, a book open a secret room and he enter without thinking.

After he enter, the secret door is closed. Inside he can only see a table with a black book. As he don't have anything else to do, he open the book from a random spot.

Entry 133

Dear Diary, Lulu here... Our sister did it again, she promised that she was going to see our night with us and see the moon rise the last week, but now she is again too busy. She is busy everytime, and lately she don't even talk to me... Why? Is that she don't love me anymore? I just want to be with her, but she don't have time to be with me, and when I try to stay with her in the day she is angry because I don't sleep.

The changeling didn't know who was this Lulu, but reading only that part, give him a big headache, translating from old equestrian. He could feel the sadness in the writing, and maybe he could read a little more later.

Lulu Diary put in Saddlebag

As he exit from the secret room, he could see one of the guards looking around. With a grin smile, the changeling begin to walk until he is in the back of the soldier and with a strong hit, he knock out the guard

"One guard less" Say The changeling in low voice

After that, he look to the guard, he was not sure if put him in a cocoon and feed of him, or just go away before any guard come and catch him. If he put in the cocoon he was sure he was not going to wake up, and he could be feed and ready for the other guards. The problem was if they catch him as he was cocooning the guard, it was very easy to catch him and he could not defend.

Any problem? I edit.

6302067 after you knock everypony out, you put them in the room with the wine and food.
Luckily for once, they assume that they got drunk and passed out and forgot.

Fight only if you have to. You don't want to attack them only to find out that you weren't ready. try to get away, and hide somewhere the Guards won't think of looking...

"Uh sir..." one of the unicorn guards begins nervously "Are you sure it's such a good idea to split up? This castle is supposed to be haunted after all."

"Corporal, are you questioning my methods?" the Lieutenant growls at his subordinate "These methods are tried and true, by the book!" he pulls out a small hoofbook with the title [horror movie cliches] crossed out with crayon and replaced with a sticky note that says [scouting tactics] "This book has never let me down, and it says right here 'rule number twelve: always split up to cover more ground, no matter how unsafe or illogical'!"

The rest of the guards scratch their chins. "Hmm... that doesn't make sense to me, but if the book said it it must be true." one says, and his compatriots agree.

With that, each of the guards takes off in a random direction into the castle while the Lieutenant keeps watch at the entrance.

"Well that makes my job fifty-million times easier." you think aloud as you watch this all take place from the safety of... hiding behind a potted plant. "Now to get out of here without being spotted."

There's only one guard standing... guard, it should be easy to just knock him out and slip past. You creep up to him slowly, tip-hoofing across the floor and wishing it would stop making such a loud echo whenever you took a step, but you manage to get ever closer, and overhear a bit of what the Lieutenant is muttering to himself.

"I hope those rookies get back soon. I'm getting bored just standing here, with my back turned... and my defenses lowered..." he says as you stalk up "E'yup, would sure be easy for somepony to take me out now that I think about it, but the trusty guard manual wouldn't lie to me." he tells himself, pulling out another small hoofbook titled [How to guard places :for clueless video game and movie guards] "You'd never let me down, would you sweetie?"

As he starts to make out with the book, you can't even feel bad about what you're about to use on him; the dreaded, famous and undoubtedly effective Vulcan nerve-pinch!

"Now to just grab the victim where the neck meats the shoulders, and..." you pinch the stallion's muscular neck with your hoof.

And nothing happens.

So you try again. And again. And again, pinching harder and more firmly each time. "Why isn't this working?!" you think to yourself.

You then hear the Lieutenant grunt a bit. "Spearhead, is that you? Didn't I tell you to search the castle for change-" he stops when he turns around to see you standing there, and his look of shock quickly turns to a deep, furious frown.

"Uh, uh... can you just pretend you didn't see me? And that I didn't just try to Vulcan nerve-pinch you?" you stutter, to which he growls and prepares to attack.

Thinking logically, there's only a few decent options left open to you at this point.

"SAND ATTACK!" you yell and throw a hooffull of dust from the castle floor into the Lieutenant's eyes.

"MY EYES!" you hear him yell as you run off in the opposite direction. "Get that changeling!"

Perhaps, in another world, this would be your call to flee, to try to escape the massacre that would likely go down should you engage these guards. Hmm... but no. The bowler hat on your head makes you feel like doing something... extreme. In a couple seconds you cook up a plan. It's not entirely baked- in fact, it's probably a little too gooey at the center- but if worst comes to worst you should be able to escape regardless. Besides- these ponies think they can treat you as some kind of pest to be eradicated. Perhaps they just need someling to show them how very wrong they are.

You've been in this castle maybe six hours and explored the majority of it. You may not know everything about its layout, but you've seen enough. And you have a very good memory. As soon as the guards approach a certain spot on the castle floor, you teleport away from your hiding place. In a flash of green you appear before the startled squad. Cocking your hat at an angle, you must be a dapper figure indeed.

"Top 'a the mornin' to ya," you say, injecting a hint of madness into your grin. The guards stare at you in shock before their lieutenant speaks up.
"He's standing right there! Get him already!"

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," you grin. "Something tells me you don't quite know who I am."

"Well, you're wearing a bowler hat like Alex from A Clockwork Coconut," one of the guards piped up. The rest turned to give him odd looks. "Uh... not that I watched that or anything, heh heh it's totally banned," the guard replies, nervously.

"Well, you'd be correct there, my friend," you tell them. "In fact, I am in fact Alex DeLarge, and you are the malenky insects caught in my web."

The guard who piped up originally gasps, his eyes widening. "No way..." he mutters.

"Hold it. Isn't Alex a pony?" Another guard asks.

"No. No I'm not," you grin. In a flash you cast a disguise spell, and appear just like Alex from A Clockwork Coconut. The disguise zaps back second later, and a pain shoots through your horn, but you hide it. "Why do you think I was able to crast and drats people without a rozz getting on my case? Answer: Changeling disguises."

"Look, their's a bigger problem here regarding your claimed identity," the lieutenant says. "And that would be the fact that A Clockwork Coconut is a fictional piece of work."

"Is it?" you ask. "Didn't any of you millicents voddy the credit at the start that said "Based on a true story?"

By now the majority of the guards are looking a bit unnerved. The lieutenant glances towards the guard who totally hasn't seen A Clockwork Coconut. "Alright," he asks. "If this guy is who he claims to be- what would we be dealing with?"

"Sociopathic teen," the guard responds, his eyes darting wildly around. "He'll kill us while whistling "Singing in the Rain." Oh Celestia no, please spare me no no no."

"I see," The lieutenant says. Turning back towards you, the lieutenant's eyes narrow. "Mr. DeLarge, I believe there's still one factor you've failed to take into consideration. There are seven of us and only one of you."

"Seven? What are you govoreeting about? I only smot six."

"I can barely even understand what you're saying," the lieutenant says, striding forwards.
"However, here's something you should get. You're hereby placed under arrest by the Royal Guard of Celesti-aaaaaaaaahhh!!!!!" The carpet beneath the lieutenant caves in, revealing a deep pit beneath. The lieutenant screams all the way to the bottom.

"I believe I've made myself clear," you say, flashing a mad grin. You can hardly believe that noling has called your bluff, but you're loving every second of this. "Don't try to leave the cantora. You'll find that the door has already shut."

"Wh-what are you going to do with us?" the guard stammers, glancing left and right as if searching for a way to escape.

“Why the answer to that is awfully simple. I’m going to…” your tongue catches as you realize that you actually really don’t have any plans up to this point. “Mmm… probably gonna run away in a comedic fashion,” you finish. You turn. You run.

A spear flies over your head as you turn a corner. The guards appear to be chasing you. “Kiss my sherries!” you taunt as you round the corner. Suddenly, you smack headfirst into a wall. You glance around, and realize that you’ve come to a dead end. You glance back, and realize that the guards have your only exit blocked off. “Oh come on!” you scream to the sky.

One of the guards aggresses you, jabbing at you with his spear. You catch it. “No. Stop. I wasn’t finished yet.” Turning back to the sky, you scream again. “Come the buck on! Who incorporates dead ends into legitimate architecture!? There is literally no reason for this to be here other than to serve to put me in a tight situation! And we just had a chase scene- why wasn’t the yackety sax music playing!?”

The yackety sax music starts up. You lower your bowler over your eyes and growl. “Too little too late.”

Suddenly, the point of a spear ricochets off your hat. You’re flung backwards, and glance back to the guards. “Oh right. You guys are still here. Almost forgot about that.” Your hoof finds the wall behind you, and then a brick that seems looser than the others. You push it. The floor opens beneath you, dropping you away, away, away.

You tumble in a heap at the bottom of the pit. Glancing around, you appear to have landed in some dungeon of sorts. It's quite dark, and the only windows are covered by bars. Opposite the windows are some more bars, locking any prisoners from the brightly-lit hallway beyond. Now it looks like you need to find someway out of the cell, and fast- you'd hate for a guard to come down here and catch you trapped in here.

You're about to look for a way out when suddenly something knocks you over the head. You stumble away, but protected by your bowler hat, you remain unharmed. You turn and see the lieutenant, glaring furiously at you. "I don't believe that you heard me before, sir, when I said that you are UNDER ARREST!" He charges at you, spear outstretched, as you flail your limbs in panic. Somehow you do something right- the lion gauntlet on your left hoof activates, deploying a hidden blade. You don't think- instead you stab the weapon at the guard. It pokes him in his neck, but doesn't break the skin; instead, it releases a small burst of light, and the lieutenant topples over, unconscious.

"Huh. Well that was effective," you say to yourself. You glance back down at the gauntlet and its hidden blade, grinning wildly. "Oh, this is awesome! Now I can be like Ezio, going around stabbing people! Except apparently it's more like a stinger... still awesome!" Your gaze, however, shifts back to the cell you're trapped in. You head over to investigate the door. It's lock is worn and rusted- one strike with your hidden blade shatters it. You find that by moving your hoof ever so subtly back, you can retract the blade. Useful to know. You wonder what happens if you move it forwards. Ah well, it'll have to wait for when you're free. You attempt to slide the door away, but the door just falls to the ground with a cacophonous sound. Oops.

"Hey! What was that?"

"Yarbles," you swear under your breath as you hear the approaching hoofsteps of another guard. You duck into the shadows, before trying to use your insectile physiology to climb above eye-level. You've barely hauled yourself out of the line of sight when the guard bursts into the chamber. He gives a quick glance into your cell and fails to spot you. He does, however, spot the fallen lieutenant, lying quietly on the ground. The guard rushes in, and places a hoof on his neck, presumably checking pulse. His sigh of relief indicates that the lieutenant's still alive. You're really glad about that, but you'd be more glad if it didn't also mean that he might wake up soon. You'd like to get rid of all the guards asap.

The guard hurries away from the lieutenant, and seems to be checking out the other cells. He opens the door to one of the cells, sticking his head in to peer inside. You take this as your call to act. Dropping down, you creep silently up behind him. When you're close enough to make out a small mole on his right flank- wait, why are you looking at his butt?- you give him a big push. Catching the guard flat-hooved, he's stumbles into the cell. You slam the door shut, and quickly re-affix the lock. Then you turn and dash out- if your cell didn't hold you for long, you imagine the same can be said about the guard's.

Climbing up a flight of stairs, you find yourself in a wide hallway. Your ear flick, detecting a voice coming down the hall. At the same time you hear the clattering of hoofsteps from the bottom of the stairs- the guard sure got out quickly. Your eyes glance around for places to hide. The shadowy corners of the ceiling come to mind, but at the rate of approach, there's no way you could get up there fast enough without being spotted. While- there may be one. Turning back to the roaring lion gauntlet, you engage the hidden blade. You really hope that genre savviness is the appropriate knowledge to consult right now. Quickly, you aim the gauntlet at the roof, deploying the hidden blade. If flicking your hoof forwards retracts the blade, you really hope that flicking your hoof forwards will-

Yes! The blade shoots out of the gauntlet, extending on a sturdy-looking chain. It lodges itself tight into the ceiling. Flicking your hoof back again, the chain retracts, pulling you up to the ceiling. It appears that your hidden blade doubles as a grappling hook. Why is everything always so wonderful?

You crawl into the shadowy corners of the ceiling, and not a moment too soon. As a guard enters from one side of the hall, the other bursts through the dungeon-bound stairwell, glancing furiously around the hall- in every direction but up! The first guard, startled at the appearance of his co-worker, jogs over to him. "Hey, what's up?" he asks.

"I saw the changeling," the second answers. "He tried to shoe me into a cell down in the dungeon. Luckily, he didn't lock it correctly, so I got out pretty quickly."

"Neezhies," you swear under your breath, continuing to spy on the ponies below.

"Well, what do we do now. I haven't seen any changelings," the first guard says.

"He might've taken a secret passage," the second one replies. "He seems to know where most of them are. We should check around this hall for any passages."

"What about that vase? It looks suspicious," the first guard asks, pointing to a vase sitting almost directly below you. Wait, is that the vase... oh, this is just too good. Narrowing your eyes in focus, you extend a hoof towards the vase, waiting for the exact moment- now! As the guards approach it, you use your Force Pull, yanking on the vase and pulling a small trigger. Instantly, two hammers smash down on either sides of the vase, directly on top of the guards. The ponies crumple to the floor, unconscious. They'll probably have a headache when they wake up. Then again, you'll probably be gone when they wake up.


1. Remember, 815 is a basic changeling (which means he's not very durable in a straight-up fight), so how about some more stealth and less OPing the protagonist?
2. As the linked video shows, "Chain Punch" does NOT send the target flying back.

Alright, the last thing you want to happen is to get caught. All you have to do is make like Sam Fisher and just sneak your way out of there. Being on a higher floor than them, all you have to do is get across the balcony and towards an open window. The problem is the guards might see you from their position, so you have to get their quick.
You decide to do this by swinging from the chandelier to the other balcony and then you’ll be home free.
You get a running start, jump and grab the chandelier…unfortunately it breaks, sending it and you careening down on top of a poor guard, knocking him out.
The noise it creates is extremely loud, and everyone turns to look in your direction, so you quickly book it towards the shadows.

“What happened?” one asks checking the guard.
“He got knocked out by a chandelier, this place is old and falling apart,” another says.
“No, I saw something dart into the darkness!” one exclaims.
The others believe the one who saw you and fan out.

You see one heading for a booby trapped hallway and know that he’ll get skewered by an ax if he goes through, so you rush forth and push him out of the way just in time…unfortunately you pushed him directly towards another balcony which breaks under his weight.
You rush forth and catch him by his hind leg.
“I gotcha!” you cry out.
“Oh no, Oh please don’t hurt me!”
“I’m not gonna…”
“I’ll tell you everything, please don’t drop me…” he cries.
You then realize it looks like you are pulling a ledge type interrogation like Batmane, thinking quickly, you change your voice to sound like it’s deep and gravely.
“Alright, who are you working for?”
“We got sent to investigate because some Rainbow Haired Pegasus heard strange singing…”
“Please don’t drop me, please,” he pleads.
“Don’t worry, I wasn’t going to any…” you explain before your grip on him slips and he plummets head first into a table below. You cringe and peer over the edge, but thankfully he is alive and groaning.
“My Bad!” you tell him.
“I heard someone screaming!” you hear another shout, so in your panic, you run towards the stairs, and accidentally run into another guard, sending you both sliding down them. Thankfully you are on top as you ride him down the steps, his head hitting every step and knocking him out till you hit the bottom.

The other guard sees this and freaks out as you run off into the darkness.
“Something’s picking us off one by one!” he screams as he starts running towards the exit towards his commander.

You jump onto his back and knock him out with a chain punch to his horn before he can though.

“There, are you happy now?” you yell at him. “I wanted to be all stealthy, but nooo…you idiots made me unintentionally have to Batmane Arkham Asylum it! Congratulations! This is why we can’t have nice things!” you growl.

The unicorn lieutenant then comes in.
“Men, men, what’s going on, where are you?!” he cries out.
You insanely turn your eyes to him and stealthily skulk into the shadows.
“Well hello Mr. Fancy Pants!”
He turns towards the darkness, “I’m not Sir Fancy Pants, I’m…”
You interrupt him.
“I got news for you pal, you ain’t leading but two things right now, Jack and Shit…and Jack left town…”
“Jack didn’t leave town, he’s back at the station…” the guard says while looking around for you in confusion.
“No, it-I…Shut Up!” you yell. Your pathetic soldiers were easy to take out, and now only you remain."
"I will find you whoever you are, and I am nothing like my men!"
A rock hits him from the left and he fires but you aren't there.
Another rock hits him from behind. Again he fires, and doesn't hit you.
"WHERE ARE YOU!!!" he shouts.
"Here" you whisper from the rafters above, causing him to look up in shock, before you tackle him to the ground and rain blows on his horn till he passes out.

Now that all the guards are out, you do the only sensible thing. You loot them of all their armor and belongings, then roll them up in a carpet and throw them off a bridge!
You then slap yourself for that last thought. You can’t just kill them.
You do roll them up in one of the many carpets however before running out the door, wearing the set of Lieutenant Armor you stole.

After evading the Guards, take some time to catch your breath and think about your scenario

Go 815, use one of your orbs of thunder on them.
You hear one of the guards yell "MY EYES" and another that for some reason moans "my leg"

you read that wrong's comment

I have to ask did you type my username like that on purpose or did you really read that wrong?

The intrepid changeling begin to run searching for the three fillies, even if they are not his responsability and can't seem to take a pony form and he could left them to be eat for the animals, something seems to force him to help the poor fillies.

"Gah... Suddenly it seems there is not a moment without a problem... Now where are those fillies" Begin to comment the changeling

He was not going to save them to be the hero of course, but he begin to imagine the faces full of love for him for saving the poor fillies in the woods, maybe he could get enough to recover after what happened to the wedding and the year in coma and even search for the queen. With that idea in the head, the changeling smiled.

"Don't worry little fillies! I'm coming!" Shouted the changeling


Anything and I edit

one part of the name (first or last) should be named after a character either real (like Dumas, Voltaire, Benedict, etc.) or fictional (like Rambo, Ezio, Hayabusa, etc.).
The second part of the name (again, first or last. Order doesn't matter) should be the name of a real restaurant

no offense, but you know what? just because I think your requirements for a name are f***ing stupid I'm gonna suggest the dumbest names I think think of.

1. mooyah Hayabusa

(yes Mooyah is a real restaurant Google it, and Hayabusa because i thought it sounded funny. )

2. fuckherrightindapussy lollipop
..... What? fuckherrightindapussy is the name of my dark souls character...... fine I'll suggest another number 2 but at least consider it.

2. cheese sandwich
(cheese from sonic, and a sandwich is a food.)

3. big daddy McDonalds

(big daddy's from bioshock and you should know what a McDonald's is.)

1. Lelouch (Code Geass : Lelouch of the Rebellion) Curry (Obvious Food)

2. Curry () vi Britannia (Something like this was Lelouch's family name)

What? I like that name. Curry and the name of someone who can give you a command you cannot help but do...

Interesting combination.

6348914 I don't see everywhere food / restaurants, but I look stupid often enough anyway. What part is the restaurant of the names and what the name of the fictional / real character? :derpytongue2:


3. big daddy McDonalds

Why not
3. McDonalds Big Daddy?

6349222 You know that there is already a character called "Cheese Sandwich"?

Hearing the scream in the distance you decide the best course of action was gather the squad of morons you just knocked out and see if they can help you..... oh yeah you knocked them the buck out.... whatever if they can't take out a lone changeling they probably couldn't handle whatever abomination attacking those fills.

"huh... now that i think about it how the hay did I I know there where three fillys and not one or, if there even fillys for that matter... "

you say as you slap yourself to remind yourself that you should STFU and stop questioning the logic of the story and just go with it.

"why did I do that?!" you say as you rub you face in pain, when suddenly you slapped yourself again because you need to stop contradicting the narrator.

"I really need to ask a doctor if involuntary self harm is normal for changelings...."

It's not.

you decide nows a good time to get moving before something bad happens to those fillys as you hear a cry for help in the distance.

dashing across the rickety bridge (plan D worked so far didn't it?) and head I'm the general direction of the screams.

when you finally reach the origin of the sound you see 3 fillys backed into a corner by somekkind of lion-goat-snake thing. wait a second...

"oh buck me it's a Chimera.... "
you really wished those guards where here to help: they'd make for an excellent distraction that would allow you to a good 10 seconds to grab the fillys and take them to safety before the Chimera wiped them all out.

but unfortunately you only had the assistance of your own body, and honestly you where starting to think even that was against you.

well It seemed it was time to put your limited memory of the lessons you received during time as a drone to good use. (you had to work your flank for the title of 'specialist' if you remember correctly) lesson number one: if a higher ranking changeling is cornered try to draw the attention of the threat to yourself so they can escape. it's extremely important you hold all the aggro. you will have a five second funeral dedicated to you... if your lucky.

those fillys most likely didn't hold a very high ranking in a changeling hive but buck it if you where gonna die it you where gonna die hard. as in you'll be smashed into the ground hard, but still....

"hey ugly! can't believe I'm using that line... why don't you pick on someone your own- uh, slightly closer to your own size!" the Chimera along with the three foals looked at you. for a good ten seconds before all three heads of the Chimera started laughing at you. hard.

"you cant possibly be serious!" the lion exclaimed.
"honestly changeling do you think we're seriously going to so much as bother to take your kind seriously?" the goat chimed in.
the snake opted to stay silent and focus on the foals.

"what's that suppost to mean?!" you yell angrily, because you know you're entire species was just insulted.

the goat decided to speak up again as the lion turned it's attention back to the foals.
"what I'm saying is changelings taste horrible! it's literally like trying to eat a cockroach! if the hard chitin doesn't already drive you away then the bitter blood will, we've only caught and tried to eat one changeling and let the roach walk away with a broken leg after my lion friend here vomited on the the ground for a solid minute."

"OK first off why does everyone I meet keep comparing me to a cockroach?! I mean sure ponies consider us an annoying pest, but seriously were nothing like that! we have fangs see!? you say pointing to you somewhat sharp fangs "cockroaches don't have fangs! I think...."

"silence roach" the goat said as it too turned it's attention back to the fillys.

yeah you weren't doing a very good job at the whole "distraction" thing... whatever that just ment you had to crank the suicidal level to ten.

so you pick up a rock and throw it.

"ow! hey! " the Pegasus filly of the trio yelled as you accidentally hit her in the shoulder no thanks to your professional marksmanship. luckily it wasn't a really big Rock or anything so at worst she would probably have a really sore shoulder.

" sorry!" you yell back, as the lion head on the Chimera turned it's attention towards you.

"your really starting to get on my nerves roach... " the lion head growled, as the snake serving as the abomination's tail turned to face you "I sssay we make an exssssample out of him. " the snake said the goat head then turned towards you as well "yes this bug has proven to be quite the annoyance, let's kill him for sport." the goat head chimed in as the vicious monster's entire body now turn toturned face you. gulping in fear you decide to stir the pot a bit more "yeah well uh come at me bro!" you yell as you position yourself in front of a tree.

the Chimera then charged you as you jumped to the side as the monster collided with the tree that was formerly behind you running to the foals you yell "quick! hop on my back if you want to live!" the foals stare at you with wide eyes. "well?! what the buck are you three waiting For?!" "w-well it's just that your a uh a c-changeling s-sir...." said the unicorn with the snow white coat. "please..." you say glancing back at the Chimera shaking it's goat and lion heads in pain. "can we please not do this now!" you yell "how tha hay do we know we can trust You?" the yellow earth pony with the big red bow questioned.

"did you not just see me yell at a Chimera for five minutes to save you guys?!" you retort. "you hit me with a bucking rock!" the Pegasus yelled. "look I was aiming for the Chimera, my aim really sucks OK? im sorry! now can you three PLEASE GET ON MY BUCKING BACK SO WE CAN ESCAPE BEFORE THAT BUCKING MONSTER RIPS MY HEART OUT AND EATS IT?!" "that sounds like an excellent Idea, I really like your creativity I'll do it nice and slow to, and keep you alive long enough so you can watch." came the voice of the lion head behind you. "OK! " the three fillys all yelled at once as the scrambled on to your back as you started galloping for your life.

......that's the joke.....

2. cheese sandwich
(cheese from sonic, and a sandwich is a food.)


if I could submit 4 names I'd add that to the list, it's just as funny as big daddy McDonald's! heck mabey better! imagine a a conversation about someone with that name! XD

filly: but I want play with McDonald's big daddy!

dad: you can play with McDonald's tomorrow little filly!

and then there's the fact I would basically be submitting the same name backwards! XD

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!