• Published 25th Jul 2015
  • 2,327 Views, 287 Comments

Changeling See, Changeling D'OH! (Comment-Driven Story) - Kersey475



You are a changeling stranded in the Everfree Forest after the failed assault on Canterlot. What should you do? What shenanigans will ensue? YOU DECIDE!

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Chapter 1: What We Call the News!

Read All About It!
Discord, God of Chaos Reformed!
Your eyes bug out at that.
"By the Queen's luscious long legs, how long was I asleep!?"
You've heard of the God of Chaos. Everlying has. For such a being to be reformed? It's unheard of. Heck, he's specifically labeled as non food, and you still remember the horror stories told about those that tried to take his love.
"Chicken legs...chicken legs..." you mutter, before shaking your head and checking the date.

As you look at the newspaper, the headline immediately catches your attention;

DISCORD, SPIRIT OF CHAOS, REFORMED!

Your eyes bug out at that as your jaw drops. You've heard of the Spirit of Chaos. Everying has. For such a being to be reformed? It's unheard of! Hay, back at the Hive he is specifically labeled as "Highly toxic. DO NOT ENGAGE! FLEE ON BUCKING SIGHT!", and you still remember the horror stories told about those brave (or just downright bucking stupid) enough to try to consume his love.

"Chicken legs... chicken legs..." you mutter, before shaking your head and saying, "Wait a minute, there's no gorram WAY Discord's been reformed. This is probably just a copy of The Radish."

You look to the brand name and see that it's not The Radish and is actually The Ponyville Express

"Huh? So that actually happened. Great, now the ponies have a GOD on their side... By the Acorn's roots, how long was I asleep for!?"

Deciding to focus on something else before your brain freezes again, you quickly check the date...

Uhh... Date is A MONTH?! how exactly did I not get eaten?

"How in the 9 layers of Tartarus did I not get eaten sleeping that long?!" you wonder aloud.
"More importantly, how the heck did they Reform the God of Chaos?!"
You then turn the page and see him smiling while holding all of the Elements of Harmony and Celestia in a group hug.
"Ah, they overwhelmed his libido it seems," you chuckle. "But seriously, the Buck these girls are Normal Civilians, this just proves it even more! I mean seriously I...Oooo, what's this?" Your attention is drawn to some celebrity gossip.
"Sapphire Shores is the lead pick to play Radiance in the Power Ponies movie?"
You look up in thought and imagine the pop star in the form fitting costume of the comic book heroine, and drool starts to leak out your mouth at the image.

If possible, find out how long he have been unconscious based on the date and condition of the paper against the date of the failed invasion.

"A MONTH!!! How hard did I smash my skull?! And how in the 9 layers of Tartarus did I not get eaten sleeping that long in this stupid forest!" you wonder aloud, "More importantly, how did they reform the God of Chaos?!"

You then turn the page and see him smiling while holding all of the Elements of Harmony and Celestia in a group hug.

"Ah, they overwhelmed his libido it seems," you chuckle. "But seriously, these girls are "Normal Civilians"? This just proves otherwise even more! I mean seriously I-Oooo, what's this?" You say as your attention is immediately drawn to some celebrity gossip.

"Sapphire Shores is the lead pick to play Radiance in the upcoming Power Ponies movie?"

You look up in thought and imagine the pop star in the form-fitting costume of the comic book heroine, and drool starts to leak out your mouth at the image. Shaking your head clear of those thoughts, you continue to skim the newspaper...

Other advertisements include Try outs for The Equestria Games, and Recruitment for the Wonderbolts.

"new Daring Do movie"
Let's hope It's better than that last one
Oh, New Ponyball Z movie sweet

"Preparations Begin for Equestria Games." Huh. Well OK then.
"Trailer Released for Marevengers 3." I missed that? Seems like I have a lot of catching up to do.
"Changeling Hive Remains at Large." Well, that's... good. I guess?
You flip the paper over and find yourself at the classifieds. Normally, these don't interest you that much, but one article in particular catches your eye.
"Terraquest Fantasy Gaming Shop, Now Hiring. Role-Playing, Comics, Manga, Miniatures, Cards. Background in previous hobbies preferred. Inquire at desk, 413 Birdseed Road, Ponyville."
"Ooh! This looks interesting," you say to yourself. "I wonder if- wait, isn't Ponyville where those mares live?" You flip to the front of the newspaper to recheck. "Yeah, this is where those mares live. Hey! I can go there, work at this Fantasy Gaming place, and actually get some legitimate intel on the Elements of Harmony. Then if I ever see my Hive again, we can take those mares down!" You are convinced that this is an excellent idea, and begin to trot off before you realize your plan has two major flaws in it. 1.) Your disguises aren't working, so you can't exactly start infiltrating a town yet, and 2.) you still have no idea where you're going.

"Let's see... New Daring Do movie. Hope it's better than the last one. Stupid fridge scen- Oh, Dubbed trailer for Ponyball Z movie released. I missed that? Seems like I have a lot of catching up to do. LeoBronco DiCarprio snubbed at the film awards. *sigh* Again?! Two for one at Donut Joe's Mmmm... Donuts... *drool* Gah! Focus bug! Do YOU have what it takes for Wonderbolt Academy? Seeing how I'm not a pegasus and my wings don't work; No. Moving on. Preparations Begin for Equestria Games. Huh. Well OK then. Las Pegasus Blackjacks to face off against the Manehattan Titans. Eh... Never cared for sports so I'm skipping that. Changeling Hive Remains at Large. Well, that's... good. I guess?"

You flip the paper over and find yourself looking at the classifieds. Normally, these don't interest you that much, but you need information and one article in particular catches your eye.

Terraquest Fantasy Gaming Shop, Now Hiring. Role-Playing, Comics, Manga, Miniatures, Cards. Background in previous hobbies preferred. Inquire at desk, 413 Birdseed Road, Ponyville.

"Ooh! This looks interesting," you say to yourself. "I wonder if- wait, isn't Ponyville where those mares live?" You flip to the front of the newspaper to recheck. "Yeah, this is where those mares live. Hey! I can go there, work at this Fantasy Gaming place, and actually get some legitimate intel on the Elements of Harmony. Then if I ever see my Hive again, we can take those mares down!"

You are convinced that this is an excellent idea, and begin to trot off before you realize your plan has two major flaws in it;

1.) Your disguises aren't working, so you can't exactly start infiltrating a town yet.
2.) You still have utterly no idea where you're going.

"Gorramit..." you mutter before you continue reading the newspaper...

The newspaper depicts stories of the royal guard capturing any changelings that managed to survive their forced ejection from Canterlot. It requests that ponies watch for suspicious behavior in their friends and loved ones, and report it if any is detected. However, it seems to purposefully avoid telling the readers what happens to the changelings who get caught...

gulping nervously at that you continue reading... (you had only heard story's but as far as you knew they strapped changelings down to a chair and forced them to read horrible Fanfics on a daily basis and after hearing that you swore to never be caught.) only to find that they literally copy pasted the exact same paragraph you just read as filler.
"OK that's just lazy! who the hay wrote this?"
[ten minutes later]
the newspapers did help you figure out what the hay was going on around you after your impromptu hibernation, but unfortunately you still knew nothing about your location, and at this point you where beginning to starve. it was then you sat under a tree and started to think of a way to find something resembling civilization.

The next page is a PSA about changelings (complete with species-ist caricatures of your kind). You could practically hear an old-school announcer narrating about how the changelings are still out there and that ponies should report all unusually suspicious behavior from friends and family and that they must always be vigilant and blah blah blah The Princess is watching you... Forever yadda yadda. Suspiciously, it seems to purposefully be avoiding what happens to changelings after they are caught by the Royal Guard and taken away...

You gulp nervously as you remember the rumors of what would happen to caught changelings; Waterboarding, systematic squashing, and *GASP* being forced to read horrible fanfiction on a daily basis as Justin Beaver songs are played on a loop!

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" *smack*

Slapping yourself out of your self-induced terror, you turn the page only to find yourself looking at lottery numbers at the end of the newspaper. Realizing you just harvested all the information you could out of that newspaper, you crumple it up and toss it aside and mutter,

"Now I know how long I've been out for and what's happening these days, but I'm still lost with NO idea where I am."

You sigh in resignation and sit under a tree to think when...

Our hero, determined to find out what happened to his brethren, sees a blue pegasus with a rainbow mane flying through the air performing tricks and decides to go towards her.

then you facehooved.
all you had to do was climb a tree.
standing up you look up at the plant towering above you.
"could it really be this simple? why the hay diddint I think of this before? " you ask as you start to climb.

You spot a Rainbow blur streak across the sky. Your eyes widen as you wonder,

"Wait... is that?"

You get up from your spot for a better look and you now see that the Rainbow blur is now doing loop-de-loops.

"It is... It's Rainbow Dash. What did that debriefing say about her..."

As you wrack your brain to recall that info, you here a mental ding and say,

"Oh yeah; Element of Loyalty, originally from Cloudsdale, Possible fillyfooler, Possible cider addiction, Brash, Arrogant, Show-off, and VERY aggressive..."

You shudder as you remember how she was the most vicious of the 6 mares during the invasion (frankly, you wouldn't be surprised if she dreams about clobbering changelings), but you also realize that she's your best chance of getting out of this stupid forest.

"Maybe if I climb this tree I could get a closer look without being s- D'OH!"

You then suddenly stop in mid-sentence as you realize something and facehoof.

You could have just climbed a tree to figure out your location.

"Could it really have been this simple? Why the hay didn't I think of this before?!" you mutter to yourself before you start climbing the tree, using your limb holes to help get a better grip on the branches. You're halfway up the tall tree when...

After you read the newspaper you decide to climb a tree to get a better view (using leg-holes to help you climb) when you come across a squirrel that attacks your face and makes you fall and hit every branch on the way down. As you do fall down you unluckily hit every branch on the way down...and mostly hitting your face....ouch.

You see a squirrel lovingly hugging some acorns. You can feel some of the love energy radiating off him and think to yourself,

Hell-ooo snack.

Suddenly the squirrel notices you.

"Oh hi there little guy-"

Suddenly the squirrel pounces forward onto your face in a flurry of bites and clawing. You were caught so off guard by this vicious attack that you loose your hoofing and fall down, banging against every branch on the way down.

"Gah! *bonk* Why! *bonk* The! *bonk* Face! *bonk* Ow! *bonk* Do'h! *bonk* Buck! *bonk* Son! *bonk* Of a! *THUD*"

Even when you hit the ground, the squirrel is still viciously attacking your face. You desperately reach out with a hoof and grab something before using it to knock the squirrel off you. You open your eyes and see that you grabbed the crumpled up newspaper from before but suddenly the squirrel comes at you again. You throw the crumpled up newspaper at him on reflex which he dodges before you quickly grabbing him in your telekinesis before dunking the little bastard head-first into an ant-hill.

"Nuts to yo- I mean that was for your terrible movie- I mean Hasta la... Screw it."

Aching too much to think of a good one liner, you just lay there as...

" screw it. " you say in defeat. " mabey I can pretend to be a Timberwolve's mom and get some love from her Cubs when she's not around... do Timberwolves even feel love?"
you decided that for the moment you wold lay on your back and contemplate the possibility of impersonating a Timberwolve until you see a rainbow streak suddenly fly above you at blinding speeds.
you decide you should follow it, even if it oddly seemed like a huge storybook cliche.

"Buck it." you say in defeat, "That pegasus is long gone by now. Maybe I could just pretend to be a Timberwolf's mother and get some love from her pups when she's not around- Wait, do Timberwolves even have love?"

As you try to remember what you were taught back in the hive ("Stupid blunt-force amnesia."), you see Rainbow Dash now zig-zagging across the sky.

"Huh, she's still there?"

You give a resigned sigh as you mutter,

"Welp... Back up the tree of pain..."

ONE CLIMB LATER

When you finally manage to reach the top of a tree (after subduing the rabid squirrel), you see a familiar rainbow maned pegasus scouting the area for...something? You decide to try to follow her to see if she cab lead you to some civilization. You attempt to do this by attempting a short glide to the next tree to parkour after her, but...
Your wings still hurt to munch, but you power through the pain to a branch across from you. But the branch then breaks which sends you
tumbling and cursing through the forest outta control!

You finally manage to reach the top of the tree (thankfully, there were no more squirrels, but that one sleeping owl did look suspicious...) and hide under the top branches to observe Rainbow Dash. You now see her zig-zagging above the forest in what looks like a... sweeping pattern?

I wonder what she's looking for... Hopefully she'll leave sometime soon so I can follow her to civilization. you think to yourself.

As if fate was reading your mind, suddenly Rainbow Dash flies off. You then proclaim, "PARKOUR!" as you leap off the tree towards the direction she's flew off in. Your plan was to glide to the next branch and then parkour (*1) through the branches after her except you forgot two things;

1.) Your wings are still not (and never were exactly) functional
2.) Bad luck

As you attempt to flap your wings to glide, you feel a sharp pain which causes you to wince and stop flapping and before you know it, you're plummeting towards the ground.

You desperately shoot your front limbs out and manage to grab ahold of the branch you were aiming for, unfortunately that branch breaks and soon you find yourself tumbling and cursing out of control through the Everfree, hitting rocks, gravel, and trees throughout this tumble.

"*CRACK* D'OH! *thud* Ow! *thud* Why! *thud* Me! *thud* Buck! *thud* My! *thud* Life! *thud* I! *thud* Blame! *thud* The! *thud* Media! *thud* Blamers! *thud* GAHHHH!"

Fortunately your painful tumble eventually ends-

*SLAM*

Unfortunately your back slammed into a stone pole to stop that tumble. As you just lay there in pain (again) you decide to contemplate what you're going to do next...

Our changeling decides to singlehandedly do what Chrysalis couldn't, and take over Canterlot Castle.

Considering that those ponies were able to blast away the entire changeling army even after the Queen had enough power to take down Celestia, that's probably about as good of an idea as singing "My way" in a Filipino Karaoke bar (*2). Next idea...

do what every man does after he fails GET DRUNK

Not a bad idea... Except that changelings have an extremely high natural resistance to toxins and poisons. It would take nothing short of Poko(*3) just to get a changeling tipsy.

Food sources are never a bad thing...

Grrrrowl...

Your thoughts are interrupted when you hear your stomach growling furiously. Considering you've been KO for a month, you really shouldn't be so surprised.

You shakily get up to find something to quite your stomach when notice that you've landed just inches in front of a rope bridge that leads to what looks like the ruins of a castle. After some prodding and a few steps, you decide that the bridge is stable when your stomach growls again with even more rumbling. As you look at the ruins in front of you, you can only say,

"Buck, I am starving... And hurting like a bitch, but mainly starving."

WHAT DO YOU DO?

Author's Note:

1* You're sure you can pull off Parkour seeing how you've seen District 13, Kingstallions, and that one episode of The Office countless times and played Assassin's Vow and Princess of Saddle Arabia in the arcade many times.

2*For the record, I AM part Filipino.

3*A reference to the alcoholic beverage Poko in the stories of Bucking Nonsense which is described as "Hard liquor is to poko what a BB Gun is to the fucking Death Star."

Yes commenters, that means that this fanfic will be taking place sometime in Season 3 after the events of Keep Calm and Flutter On.

Also, be sure to check these author's notes as I'll be putting in questions. Today's question is a double-edged one:

What is your favorite movie?
AND
What is the worst movie you have ever seen?

I look forward to your answers!

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