Ritz can sense something strange about the strange dome around Ponyville. First of all, it was not like the shield when they attacked Canterlot, this was a little more powerfull but also seemed strange. He was trained for many situation but trapped under a strange giant magical dome was not one of them.
As you look at the large dome you see a small crack you think you could use to break through
After finishing your cry, you suddenly feel several pairs of eyes on you and you turn to see the Elements (and that purple lizard) all looking at you strangely.
"What? The Snafflesons reference was right there!"
Their looks turn from confusion to bemusement.
"Uh... I was never here." you say as you awkwardly back away before running off.
Once you think you're far enough away, you start to examine the dome more closely. It wasn't like the magical dome back at Canterlot during the wedding as you can obviously tell it looks more like glass than a purplefield, but at the same time you can sense traces of a dark ancient magic that was far stronger than ordinary unicorn magic and glass. While you and the others were trained for breaking into giant shield domes, breaking out of them was a whole nother story. Specifically, still in the same library but in an adjoining shelf right next to the "No Smoking" sign but on the opposite side of the water fountain-
"Huh." you mutter in recognition, interrupting the off-track narration as you notice a tiny crack in the dome. A possibly weak spot?
Use your head.
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh!" *WHAM* "Owwww."
Even with the reinforced Bowler Hat on and a running start, ramming the crack with your head did nothing but hurt you more than it hurt the dome. As you get back up, you open your eyes and-
"Wait, where did the crack go?"
You look closely at where the crack was only to see a small smear.
"D'oh! That wasn't a crack, it was just a smudge!"
After giving an annoyed groan, you sit down and consider your options.
Okay... Trapped behind enemy lines with a mysterious possible new overlord. How the hay do I get outta h-*ding*
"Aquila Talon." you say to activate your bracelet's bracer mode and deploy the hookblade to help you with some small digging. After a few moments, you see that you can clearly stick your hoof to the other side. In elation at this discovery, you're about to just dig your way out of this town when...
Hide, and watch for the time being, until you get a better understanding of the picture (and how to get under that dome).
Your changeling instincts compel you to stay. Somepony who can best Celestia's protege and cover an area the size of a whole town with more strength than the Captain of the Royal Guard is somepony of note. Power like that is worth looking into. Perhaps some recon could come in hoofy.
"Aquila Talon" you say to transform your bracer back into a bracelet. After checking to see that your Multi-Vision Goggles are still there and working, you head into town.
Kichi's comment
Piggy-backing on Kichi's comment, I feel like the secret society members should be the background mane six (Lyra, Bonbon, Vinyl, Octavia, Derpy, and Doctor Whooves) Maybe call themselves the Secret Six (Seven if you join) Have Doctor Whooves complain about this entire event happening out of proper order in the timeline.
As you carefully stay close to the building walls, you observe other ponies running this way and that in a panic as dark clouds gather overhead. Activating the "X-Ray mode" of your goggles, you see that several of ponies are in towards the Town Hall performing tasks while one is clearly giving out orders and even with all these buildings in your way, you can tell that one is clearly radiating power.
"Powerhouse located." you say to yourself as you retract the goggles and push them back up into your hat and are about to sneak in for a closer look when suddenly you feel yourself being grabbed. On reflex, you shove the grabber away to catch him off guard before quickly following it up with a chain punch, hitting the figure with a concentrated series of hoof strikes to knock him down.
"Aquila Talon!" you declare activating your hookblade and are about to bonk him in the eye when he sticks his hooves up and says, (1)
"Woah, woah, Not an foe! Not a foe!"
Now that the rush of the moment has worn off, you see the one who tried to grab you is a pony wearing a black hooded robe.
"Who the hay are you?" you demand.
"I can't say at the moment-"
"Oh, I'm sorry. Wrong answer." you say in a sarcastic/mocking tone as you hold the hookblade to his face, "Care to try again for higher stakes?"
"Wait, wait! Just let me take you to our base!" he pleads.
"And why should I go with you to an obvious trap?" you respond
"Cause there's a madmare in this town and eventually we're gonna draw more attention if you don't hoof it!"
At this, you look around and see several townsponies looking at you two. Realizing the distrubance you're causing, you retract the hookblade and say,
"Lead the way. But I don't have to tell you what happens if it's a trap." you threaten.
The pony gives a worried nod before leading you away. You walked along the streets for some time until you stopped in what seems a abandoned house, the garden full of weeds and the door hanging mainly by miracle.
"This way." the hooded pony beckons as you follow him warily into the house, a Thundercloud Orb at the ready in case of ambush. You both walk down the stairs into a large basement until you stop in what looks like a dining hall. It was the only room of the house without dust and you see several other hooded ponies waiting.
"Yeah, I already did the whole 'cult' thing before. Not a fan." you snark as you cautiously start to back away.
"We are, The Thinky. We are a proactive emergency council that meets whenever a major incident occurs in our fair town and we think of and execute solutions to those incidents-"
"Unless Twilight Sparkle or her friends resolves those problems themselves as usual." One of the hooded figures comments.
"Miss Bon-Bo-I mean Sister Drops! What have we told you about snarking at new members?" the hooded figure snaps.
"Fine, Filthy."
"It's Mister Ri- I mean Brother Bits." the hooded pony says before he turns back to you, "Yes, Ponyville should not become blindly dependent on the Elements for every little problem." he continues before a mare-sounding voice adds,
"Ponyville must be able to protect itself for the Greater Good."
"The Greater Good." they all chant.
"Interesting. So... Why am I here?" you ask.
"You are here because we want you to join us, we think that you can help us with this latest threat that has bested even Miss Sparkle." Brother Bits explains.
"And because I brought too many muffins." a familiar-sounding bubbly voice says.
"And we made too much tea." A trio says as they each hold up a pitcher of iced tea.
An underground group of ponies against the elements? This could be useful...
Weighing your options, you answer.
"Eh, Sure. Do I get I codename and one of those cloaks?"
"Of course." Brother Bits says as he hooves you a folded-up robe, "From now on you shall be Brother..."
Please be White or Blonde. Please be White or Blonde. Please be White or-
"Pink."
"D'oh! I mean, sure but why am I Brother Pink?" you ask as you put the hooded cloak on.
"Well... It was because the pastry you consumed the most at your welcome party were pink-frosted donuts with sprinkles."
"Mmmm donut- I mean, It was short notice wasn't it?" you ask in bemusement.
"Well... yeah."
"O... kay... But can't we just choose our own codenames?"
"We already tried that at the first meeting. We ended up arguing for 3 hours over who got to be Sister Silk." a familiar-sounding classy Trottingham voice answers.
"Now that Brother Pink has been accepted into our fold, it is time to discuss today's threat: The Great and Powerful Trixie." Brother Bits announces as the meeting begins.
A secret society of ponies dedicated to independence from the Elements? This should be interesting.
THREE HOURS LATER
Did I say 'interesting'? I meant boring. Like wanting-to-jam-my-hookblade-into-my-eye boring.
Your hopes quickly collapsed as the meeting soon devolved into hours of squabbling with nothing to show for it. To give a brief summary on each member (based on what you could tell from meeting them at the "Welcome to Ponyville Party" and the countless times they would accidentally say each others real names) and their roles/ideas;
-Brother Bits/Filthy Rich: Owner of Barnyard Bargins and founder of "The Thinky" who proposes bribing Trixie into going away.
-Sister Cello/Octavia: The voice of reason who is more concerned with trying to contain the arguing.
-Sister Wubs/Vinyl: Nursing a large hangover with a Bloody Mary.
-Sister Muffins/Derpy: Brings and eats muffins
-Brother Wibbly-Wobbily/Time Turner: Seems to have some good ideas, but mostly keeps to himself in spite of Sister Muffins asking him to speak up. You swore you heard him say something about 'fixed point in time'.
-Sister Hands/Lyra: Proposes summoning a human warrior to defeat Trixie in spite of other members complaining "That's your answer to every problem."
-Sister Drops/Bon-Bon: Proposes using high-tech gadgets and disguises to escape the dome.
-Flower Sisters/Flower Trio: Frequently faint with cries of "This is awful!" and "The Horror! The Horror!"
This is almost as bad as the Amber Council. (1) No wonder the Elements have to do everything! you think in annoyance as you pour yourself another glass of ice tea and chug it down.
On the positive side, you were able to find out more about this "Great and Powerful Trixie". Apparently, she was a unicorn showmare who came into Ponyville some time ago, putting on a show, boasting how she defeated an Ursa Minor, and publicly humiliated Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity during a challenge. Two fancolts then brought an Ursa into town to provide "proof" of her greatness only for her boasting to be a lie as Twilight successfully subdued the Ursa Minor forcing Trixie to flee. That morning she came back with some strange amulet, defeated Twilight in a magic duel, and exiled Twilight before encasing Ponyville in a giant dome and enslaving its inhabitants.
Now the group has descended into back and forth "My idea is better" and "No, mine is!". You're about to pour yourself another glass when you see that the pitcher is empty. In defeat, you slam your head onto the table and snark the obvious in lazy annoyance,
"Or, you know, we could just dig our way out."
Suddenly the room gets silent as all eyes are now on you.
"Uh, what did you say Mr. DeWitt?" Sister Muffins asks
"I said just dig our way out. That dome only reaches ground level and I was able to dig a hoof under it no problem."
"Of course!"
"Why didn't I think of that."
"All in favor of Brother Pink's plan?"
"Aye!" the hooded ponies all agree.
"Motion passed. On that note; Barnyard Bargins will be selling shovels for 50 bits each."
"You gouger! Shovels are normally 17 bits for two!"
"Emergency or not, I'm still a businesspony. Besides, I'll be paying full price like everypony els-"
"Easy for you to say! You're filthy rich!"
"Codenames, Bon-Bon! For the 365th time; When the hoods are on, we use codenames!"
Soon another round of squabbling occurs and you're about to bail in annoyance when you get an idea...
Remembering an episode of MacAngus, you grab a quarter-full bag of Fertilizer and run to the CMC Clubhouse. You see that the empty family-sized Can of Apple slices is still there from your dinner last night and find some spare string and newspapers lying around. Using these items along with WD-40 and Duct Tape, you create a Makeshift Bomb
"Any of you ladies got any leftover fertilizer?" you ask one of the Flower Sisters.
"Oh sure, just right outside the flower shop." one of them says.
"And where would that be?"
"Right by the town market near the fruits venders." another one answers.
"Okay, Thanks for the muffins and tea, but gotta do something proactive. See ya." you say before taking off your hooded cloak and dashing off, the others not noticing your absence due to their arguing...
AT THE CMC CLUBHOUSE
After getting lost a few times, you manage to find the flower shop, grab the Bag of Fertilizer, and run over to the CMC clubhouse only to find the front door locked.
"Nopony's home!" you hear a trio of young voices yell from inside.
"Girls, it's me. Ritz DeWitt."
"Oh, okay." you hear one of the voices say and approach the door before you hear the sound of tussling and somepony yelling,
"Sweetie Belle, No! It could be a trap!"
"Yeah, say something only Ritz would know." a country-sounding voice demands.
"My real name is Specialist 815." you reply bluntly.
The door suddenly opens and 3 pairs of hooves roughly pull you inside before slamming the door shut.
"What are you doing here Mr. DeWitt?!" they ask.
"Needed some supplies. What are you girls doing here?" you ask the fillies.
"Rarity and Applejack ordered us to stay here until they come to get us." Sweeite Belle answers.
"Good thinking. By the way, have you girls seen an empty family-sized can of apple slices?"
"Yeah, it's upstair-"
Before she could finish, you run upstairs, grab the empty fruit can, and run back down and start rummaging through everything,
"Perfect, now do you have any newspapers and string?"
The three fillies point to a corner.
"Thanks." you say as you rush to the corner, and proceed to use the string, newspaper, empty can of apple slices, bag of fertilizer, WD-40, and duct tape, to create a Makeshift Bomb.
"Woah, what is that?" Scootaloo asks in wonder.
"Makeshift bomb." you reply, "Just light this fuse and a few moments later, BOOM!"
"Where did ya learn to make that?" Apple Bloom asks.
"MacAngus."
"Mac-What?" Sweetie Belle asks.
"MacAngus; An action-adventure serial where an earth pony secret agent fights crime, but instead of swords, magic, and crossbows, he would use science and ordinary tools like paper clips, duct tape, and chewing gum to build crazy contraptions like zip-lines, defibrillators, and even bombs." you nonchalantly answer as you give your new invention the once over.
Apple Bloom's eyes light up with an idea and she says,
"Girls, are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
"Gotta go. Stay here and stay safe!" you say offhoofedly as you put the bomb away and run out the clubhouse before the Cutie Mark Crusaders announce,
"CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS SECRET AGENTS!!! YAY!!!"
"Makeshift Bomb"
Added to Saddlebags
BrownDog77 comment
Flirt with Trixie.
When you arrive at the Ponyville town hall, you see a blue unicorn with a silver mane barking orders... and she's kind of hot. You see the Royal Guards from before clearly battered and obeying out of fear and you don't even know how the Pink one is even still alive without her snout, but seeing as how she is warping reality as you know it and has single-hoofedly defeated all of the elements, there is only one thing your changeling instincts tell you to do.
Defect! Defect to the winning side before you die!
"Mistress! I am your humble servant. I will do your bidding! What do you ask of me my goddess." you blurt out as you bow before her.
A part of you really can't help it. It's Changeling instinct after all to serve the most powerful Queen available and right now, it's that mare. Before you can take it back however, everypony chides you.
"Ritz! What the buck man?!" shouts Rainbow Dash.
"You horrendous traitor!" chides Rarity.
"Why you little..." Applejack grinds her teeth.
"How could you do this?" pouts Fluttershy.
"Mmmm mmm mm m!" Pinkie tries to say with no mouth.
D'oh! Stupid drone instincts! you mentally chide yourself, Can't take it back now. I just recognized her as a new Queen and defying the Queen means death.
Trixie looks taken aback by this at first before smirking seeing all the reactions from the Elements.
"See now Ponyville, take cues from this well-dressed stallion. Resistance is futile. It's best to worship the Great and Powerful Trixie without delay!" she says with glowing red eyes before offering you a hoof up.
"What is your name, slave?"
Now that I've made my bed, I might as well lie in it. you think before saying.
"Ritz DeWitt ma'am, and might I just say, that you are the most beautiful and powerful usurper I've ever met." you flirt, hoping to get in her good books.
"Oh ho ho," she chuckles with a blush, "Flattery will get you everywhere. In fact, the Great and Powerful Trixie hereby bestows upon you the honor of serving as my new captain," she says as she knights you with her horn before turning to the beaten Royal Guards, "You 7! Follow his every command! You all work for me through him now!"
"Yes ma'am!" the beaten guards salute out of fear while giving you harsh glares.
"Now Captain DeWitt," she says turning to you, "I will be refurbishing City Hall to better suit my needs, so I want you to oversee these worthless maggots as they build a statue in my image and then report back to me, got it?" she commands.
"Yes my Queen," you salute before you start barking orders to all the ponies.
"My my my, I can't believe my immediate luck... then again was there any doubt?" Trixie says to herself.
The ponies obey your commands but everyone gives you the stink eye as they start building the statue.
What? I'm your enemy stupid ponies. And so is this Trixie. And the enemy of my enemy is my friend. Plus I'm a gorram officer now, woohoo!
"Mmmmmm mmm mmm mm..." mumbles a teary eyed Pinkie as the Elements eye you again causing you to feel guilty.
But then again, these ponies were kind to me. Plus pony history has shown that non-alicorn rulers don't last very long. Perhaps I should stack the decks in my favor...
With that, you smirk beneath your scarf and give them a wink to which they look puzzled at.
Reassign Derpy to "Muffin Inspector" and the Cakes to "foal-raising". Reassignments that they are very grateful for.
You suddenly hear crashing and turn your head to see Derpy struggling with a flagpole that she dropped onto a table,
"How dare you drop the Great and Powerful Trixie's glorious banners!" Trixie yells at Derpy, eyes glowing.
You and everypony else start to get worried at this and you see Time Turner pulling out a weird pen-like device with defiant intent in his eyes towards Trixie (which would have been suicidal treason) when you overhear the Lieutenant say,
"Corporal, is it just me or do those blue eyes and hat look familiar?"
Oh buck... The Queen is about to violently lash out at Derpy, Time Turner is going to get himself killed, AND my cover's gonna get blown! What do I do?! WhatdoId- *ding*
Seeing a chance to catch two fish on one hook, you say to the Lieutenant loudly enough for Trixie to hear,
"What was that you said about Trixie having wrinkled flanks Lieutenant!"
"WHAT?!" Trixie roars, whirling around and redirecting her enraged glowing red eyes towards the Lieutenant, causing the other Royal Guards to cautiously and slowly back away from him.
"Mommy..."
As Trixie painfully morphes the Lieutenant into a ball and starts bouncing him around while berating him, you quickly run over to Derpy and Time Turner and say,
"You're no longer fit for the tasks at hoof. I'm reassigning you", you say pointing to Derpy, "To... Official Muffin Inspector."
This causes Derpy and Time Turner to look at you in disbelief,
"What?"
"Yeah.. It's now your job to make sure every muffin in town is... Good enough for Trixie in look, smell, and taste." you bluff, but fortunately it works as Derpy's eyes light up and she flies off.
"And you..." you say pointing to Time Turner, "Are now... Official... Wibbly-Wobb-illl-er?"
"Fantastic." he says with a grateful nod before also running off.
You then see the local bakers (the Cakes, you recall), struggling to pull a heavy-looking dessert throne while a pair of babies are crying on it.
"You two!" you declare causing them to stand at attention, "You're no longer useful to this endeavor. I'm reassigning you to foal-raising." you order.
"Yes sir." the two say gratefully before taking their twin foals and darting home.
"You two! Pick up where they left off!" you order, pointing at two of the Royal Guard who immediately salute and follow your orders.
Seeing Trixie's wrath still focused on the Lieutenant, you quickly rush over to Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Applejack, Pinkie, and Fluttershy and whisper,
"Look, I'll try to keep Trixie off your backs as much as I can. Trust me, back at the organization I've had to deal with crazed superiors before."
The mares look at you in confusion and are about to say something, when you hear Trixie say, "That'll teach you to insult the Great and Powerful Trixie's sex appeal!"
"Queen's back, talk later." before barking, "You five, get back to work!"
You then turn and stand at attention as Trixie approaches you before demanding,
"Where is that wall-eyed banner-ruining pegasus?"
"I took the liberty of... banishing her to another repetitive task." you half-truth while trying to keep your cool.
"Oooo, proactive I see. Very well. Carry on Captain. Trixie has an applesauce facial to get to."
As Captain, you proceed to go about making sure no one is given an unfair job. Even those forced to make the statues, you maid sure they were builders and sculptors and are given breaks and water regularly. Eventually, the townsponies stop giving you hateful glares and the town continues on as if it was a normal day almost without incident (2) under you.
LATER THAT NIGHT
BrownDog77 comment
Trixie calls you into her chambers. She wants your opinions on how best to punish two colts named Snips and Snails for their betrayal over what she calls, "The Ursa Incident." You're both currently looking over some notes she hastily wrote.
"Trixie was thinking about forcing them to be my throne carriers." she muses as she lies on a large luxurious four-poster bed with fine silk blankets.
"How about writing paperwork instead? Kids hate homework and we might as well get them prepared for adulthood while we're at it." you suggest.
"Excellent idea. You know Captain DeWitt, Trixie doesn't think she's quite met such an understanding stallion such as yourself," she says as she rubs her side against yours and sighs.
Blushing, you quickly decide to change the subject.
"I uh, why don't we celebrate?" you say pulling out the bottle of Wine from the saddlebags, "I have this bottle of 982 Vino Canterlot. And it's all for you my queen," you say as you bow and hoof her the bottle.
"My word, that's the fanciest thing the Great and Powerful Trixie has ever laid her eyes upon," she says in excitement as she looks to you.
"Will you be having some?" she asks.
"Uh... I'm not worthy, my Queen." you say, continuing your bow.
"Oh, but perhaps you are with your humility, but I shall have the first taste. Arise and bring Trixie a cup."
You quickly get up and run to the nearby table only to find a common cup. Gulping nervously, you bring the cup to her and bow again as you offer the cup in your hooves,
"A thousand pardons my Queen, but I could only find-"
Your apology is interrupted as Trixie instantly transforms the plain cup into a fancy golden chalice as she uncorks the bottle and pours herself a generous serving before smelling the aroma. (3)
"Oh ho ho, that is by far the best thing ever!" she cheers before downing the entire chalice in one un-ladylike chug.
"I don't doubt it," you smirk as you notice her cheeks getting rosy as the alcohol quickly takes effect. In vino veritas.
"You know, I never wanted to rule. Ever since I was just a plain ordinary schoolfilly, Trixie just wanted to stand out and be admired. I was an entertainer for Celestia's sake!"
"Uh-huh." you say as you pour her another generous serving.
"So what if I had to exaggerate a little here and there! That's what show business is all about!" she rants, "But that Sparkle just had to show me up and run me out of town! Trixie did nothing wrong, and she still suffered for it! I even had to work at a rock farm just to put food on the table! A BUCKING ROCK FARM!!!" before angrily downing the chalice.
"Uh-huh, so how do you have so much power now?" you ask pouring her more wine.
"Oh, it's this alicorn amulet," she woozily says to you, "I heard rumors of its power and eventually found it in a trinket shop run by some Neighponophile. Sure, Trixie had to give up her carefully saved savings for it, but it was worth it as this ancient artifact has finally given me the power I so rightly deserved to take my vengeance on Sparkle and her accursed town!"
She then takes another swig as you ask, "So... Any weaknesses on it?"
"Only if I take it off, and only I can buhahahaha," she starts giggling, "But why would Trixie do that?"
Well that's helpful you note in your mind.
"Say Captain... Trixie's flanks don't look wrinkly do they?" Trixie says self-consciously as she reclines on her side towards you.
"Of course not my Queen. They look fine and shapely."
Trixie blushes and giggles at this.
"It's been a long day hasn't it Captain DeWitt?" Trixie says invitingly with half-lidded eyes.
"Yes, my queen."
"And you'd do anything for me, wouldn't you?"
"Yes, my queen. Unless somepony were to defeat you in a magic duel in which case I would blindly go away."
"OK..." Trixie says in confusion, "How would you like to have a wild ride with The Great and Powerful Trixie?"
"What do you mean?"
"Call me Mrs. Flintstone cause I can make your bed rock."
"With all due respect, I think you spent too much time on that rock farm." you snark.
"No no. What do you say you fill my pointy hat?"
"Don't follow."
"Let me mount myself on your mighty wand."
"I thought you were the showmare?"
"How's about I give your horn a polish for a while?" Trixie says, getting a bit annoyed.
"Totally lost."
"Plow my Great and Powerful plot like a cornfield." Trixie says wiggling her hips for emphasis.
"Wouldn't a gardener be more useful for that? I think the flower trio are stil-" you reply before Trixie interrupts.
"Sweet Celestia! Do I have to spell it out for you? I want to have sex with you."
"Oh... Still don't get it."
"...I don't have any other words to say. Not one part of that sentence could be interpreted in any other way."
Suddenly Trixie leans forward from her bed and wraps her arms above/around your shoulders.
"Guess Trixie will have to take the direct approach..." she says, slurring her words with alcohol on her breath.
Now with your changeling instincts clearly sensing the lust she's radiating towards you, you may have been playing dumb outwardly, but inwards,
Did someling wash this suit in bucking pheromones?! you think nervously, Okay bug; Pros; She's hot, powerful, and offering herself to me. Cons; She's drunk on alcohol AND power, and SHE'S BUCKING CRAZY!
"I... Uh..." you gulp, before Trixie suddenly passes out drunk, loses her grip on you, and falls to the floor, but you quickly catch and support her and the wine bottle in one motion.
“982 Vino. It’d be a sin to spill any. Don’t you think?” you laugh nervously in a Trottingham accent to the unconscious Trixie in your arms before breathing a sigh of relief as you re-cork the wine bottle and set it aside with magic.
“Now with that obligatory reference out of the way, let's get you to bed drunkie.” you say to yourself as you move Trixie back into her bed and tuck her in.
"Ratzy..." she mumbles in her sleep.
"She's definitely going to regret this in the morning," you comment as you run out the entrance of the front hall and announce,
"ALL CLEAR! EVERYPONY GET SOME REST!!!"
At this, the remaining townsponies all breathe sighs of relief as they all scatter home while Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, and that Purple lizard all run over to you.
“Where’s Trixie?” Applejack asks.
“Passed out drunk. Didn’t even finish the bottle.”
"Heh, lightweig-Wait, she's passed out drunk? Well why don't we just wail on her and grab that evil necklace?" Rainbow Dash suggests.
"Blasphemer!" you yell as you reflexively smack her across the face, "How dare you even think that about the Queen!"
The others look at you in shock and Rainbow looks like she's about ready to kill you.
"Sorry, sorry! Force of habit! Look, even if I just let you in, that Alicorn Amulet she has on can ONLY be taken off by her. Inevitably she’ll just wake up during your half-baked scheme and paint the town in 6 coats of your blood."
"But she's drunk asleep! Surely there's something we could do-" Rarity insists.
"Well you could slit her throat in her sleep, but last I checked, that doesn't exactly sound very pony-like." you snark, “And that’s even if I would just let you guys through to perform such an act.”
The mares give each other conflicted/horrified looks at such a thought.
"Fine." Rainbow Dash reluctantly concedes.
"Although if it makes you feel any better, let’s just say the morning isn't going to be so kind to the Great and Hungover Trixie." you smirk.
The Mares (except Fluttershy) smile deviously at what you're implying before Applejack leads,
"Alright everypony, let's get to-"
"I don't want to hear it." you bluntly respond.
"What?" the mares all exclaim in disbelief.
"Look, you girls (and lizard) do whatever you want, but Trixie still appointed me her Captain. Amulet or not, it's my duty to serve and protect the que-er Boss. It's an organization thing so I'd appreciate it if you just keep me out of the loop so I can have some plausible deniability while you all dig your way out of-.”
"Wait, tow things;" the purple lizard interrupts, "One; My name is Spike. Two; Did you say dig?"
"Yeah, the dome is clearly only at ground level so clearly you can just dig under it- And none of you even considered that option, have you?"
The mares all look at each other sheepishly, causing you to just give them a deadpan look as you say,
"Am I seriously the ONLY one in this gorram town that even considered that idea?"
"Well I did have a design for a dangerous mission outfit that I think Fluttershy would look-" *smack*
You interrupt Rarity's excuses with a facehoof and mutter in annoyance,
"Look, I'll keep an eye on and out for Trixie. You go do whatever it is you're going to do."
They nod at this in understanding and Fluttershy says,
"Thank you for helping us Ritz."
"If you want to thank me, get me some cinnamon donuts, guacamole, oil, garlic, tomato paste, tomato sauce, mushrooms, sugar, butter, hay, eggs, salt, pepper, gin, club soda, chicken broth, tomato juice, Worcestershire sauce, hot sauce, lemon juice, some dried garlic, and three large Filly Cheeseshrooms with a large plate of fried pickles with ranch dip and some bottles of vanilla cola. Oh, and a dozen pink-frosted donuts with rainbow sprinkles. Now shoo."
The others share confused glances at this list before they nod affirmatively at this and disperse-
*pow* "EEEEE!!!"
But not before Rainbow kicks you in the nards.
"Now we're even." she spits.
"But I apologized!" you squeak weakly as she flies off. After recovering from the pain, you put on the Mult-Vision Goggles, climb onto the ceiling, and begin your guarding of the "Queen", alternating between “Night Vision” and “X-Ray Vision”. The only interruption being the mares returning to give you the items you asked for and you proceeded to have a brief dinner break of hoagies, fried pickles & dip, and caffeined colas before continuing your vigil...
THE NEXT MORNING
Trixie wakes up the next morning with a massive hangover so you present her with an array of disgusting hangover cures. Cue the Elements using this as an opportunity for some payback by aggravating her pounding head even more by leading Ponyville in a town-wide "GOOD MORNING GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE!!!"
Naturally, all these actions are meant to ensure you come out on top regardless of whether Trixie succeeds or fails. Stacking the deck in your favor so to speak.
When the first streaks of sunlight shine into the room, Trixie drowsily awakens with a pounding skull and a pained moan,
"Captain DeWitt, the Great and Powerful Trixie-"
"Has a great and powerful hangover?" you quip as you retract your goggles and drop down from the ceiling after your all-night vigil.
Trixie glares at you through bleary bloodshot eyes,
"The Great and Powerful Trixie demands relie- Ooooow" before clutching her pounding head in pain.
"Way ahead of you." you say as you put a tray in front of her. Trixie opens her eyes only for them to widen upon seeing the meal and asking,
"What are those?"
"I call it 'Hangover-Be-Gone" breakfast." you say as you take out, open, and down a small Bottle of Orange-Cream Energy Shot to wake you from your all night vigil.
"Woah! That'll wake you up." you exclaim as the chemicals kick out any sleepiness and drowsiness, "Anyway, first you got the 'Guacomonut.' One of the best cures in the world for a hangover. See, The dough fills you up, the cinnamon gives you a righteous kick-start, and the guacamole acts as a kind of a grout to prevent the expulsion of any, uh, you know, ancillary fluids. Then for the main course you have some 'hair of the dog' tomato sauce with Hay browns." you then don a Manehattan accent as you continue, "You see, you start out with a little bit of oil. Then you fry some garlic. Then you throw in some tomatoes, tomato paste, you fry it; ya make sure it doesn't stick. You get it to a boil; you shove in all your mushrooms; heh?... And the last o' the wine. An' a little bit o' sugar, and that's my trick. Capisce? That's a Prairie Oyster. a raw egg with Worcestershire and Tabasco sauces along with salt, pepper, and a dash of Gin. Might want to hold your noise while drinking it. That's Wake Up Juice, basically a Bloody Mary on steroids. Finally, painkillers. Nothing too fancy, Just over-the-counter painkillers."
4 Bottles of Orange-Cream Energy Shots
2 Bottles of Painkillers
reamining
Trixie looks at the "meal" uneasily through bleary eyes before she gulps nervously and is about to dig in-
"GOOD MORNING GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE!!!"
Trixie clutches her aggravated pounding head, groaning loudly in pain as you say,
"I'll handle this my Queen!" before running outside and seeing the townsponies all outside with the Elements in the lead.
"Did the Great and Hungover Trixie like this morning surprise we put together?" Rainbow Dash grins maliciously.
"I'm sure she loved it." you snark before noticing Twilight Sparkle back in town... and next to a Zebra?
"Who's the zebra?"
"This is Zecora, a friend of mine from the Everfree forest." Twilight answers.
"I am a friend of Miss Sparkle indeed,
Of whom, should I take heed?" Zecora asks.
"Ritz DeWitt, Captain Ritz DeWitt." you introduce yourself with a tip of your bowler. You're about to say more when,
"Must be the Wake-Up Juice." you comment.
"Wake-Up Juice? You mean that disgusting concoction in Return to the Future III?" Twilight asks.
"Yup. Made her a whole bunch of hangover cures."
"I can't believe you got her to eat all that by claiming they were hangover cures!" Rainbow Dash snickers.
"They are." you respond.
"What?!" The ponies say to you.
"Yeah, got them from The Good Gals, Cowpony Bebop, Return to the Future, and The Godmothe- Wait, how are you sober now?" you ask Rainbow Dash, "Last I saw you, you were passed out from that drinking contest."
"Eh, Before I just had to tough em out, but now Twilight just zaps me with an anti-hangover spell and I'm good to go." Rainbow Dash answers.
"Wait, let me get this straight;" Twilight clarifies, "There's a vengeful showmare under the corrupting influence of an ancient evil artifact who banished me and enslaved our town, and you just cured her of a hangover that could've given us an edge?"
This emphasis causes the ponies to glare as you before you counter,
"Well of course that makes me sound like a complete idiot when you put it that way, but trust me. She'll be in a MUCH better mood once she sobers u-"
"The Great and Powerful Trixie has a proclamation to make!" Trixie says, rising from the water trough, completely sober, "From now on, ALL alcohol is banned in the Great and Powerful Trixie's domain!"
"Oh... my bad-" *smack smack* on cue, Rainbow Dash and Berry Punch slap the back of your head.
"You!" Trixie says, noticing Twilight, "How did you get past my forcefield undetected!"
"Simple. Zecora and I dug underneath it. Your force field only extends to ground level as if it were a giant glass dome."
"But- I- Uh-" she stutters as you roll your eyes and take out the box of donuts to start breakfast. Trixie regains her composure and continues, "What's the matter, Twilight Sparkle? Not enjoying your exile?"
"I know about the Alicorn Amulet. I know you cheated." Twilight accuses.
"Cheated? Moi?" snarks with exaggerated false innocence.
"Yeah. And I thought you might wanna see what a real magical amulet looks like." Twilight says before she magically levitates a gold collar holding an engraved green rock in it, "Zecora gave it to me. It's from beyond the Everfree Forest, and it's way more powerful than your measly little Alicorn Amulet!" she brags before putting it on.
"Ha! Nothing's more powerful than the Alicorn Amulet! And nopony's more powerful than the Great and Powerful Trixie!" Trixie boasts with her eyes glowing red as you munch on another donut.
"Care to put your amulet where your mouth is? How about another duel?" Twilight challenges, causing you to think,
A rematch? Cool. Trixie wins; I'm the right-hoof bug to a new queen. Twilight wins; I'm a double-agent who helped in bringing a madmare down. Classic Xanatos Gambit. *munch*
"Why should I? I already beat you." Trixie dismisses
"That's up to you! But I guess you'll never see the totally awesome magic from beyond the Everfree Forest. Come on, Zecora."
With that, Twilight and Zecora turn around and start walking away when,
"Wait!" Trixie declares causing them to stop.
"Okay, okay, you're on!" Trixie agrees, "Captain! Get the town hall ready!"
"Yes my Queen!" You hastily salute (accidentally dropping the donut you were in the process of taking out of the box), "Guards, on me!" you order as you run off to prepare for the upcoming rematch.
LATER
We now find all of Ponyville crowded around the front of Town Hall. Twilight Sparkle stands at one end with her friends behind her while Trixie Lulamoon stands at the other with Snips and Snails fearfully behind her, the two mares staring each other down. The atmosphere is tense as nopony dares to even draw a breath. With all this tension in the air, only one thing dares to encroach onto your mind,
I should've asked for some chocolate milk to go with these donuts. *munch*
WHAT DO YOU DO?
