• Published 25th Jul 2015
  • 2,327 Views, 287 Comments

Changeling See, Changeling D'OH! (Comment-Driven Story) - Kersey475



You are a changeling stranded in the Everfree Forest after the failed assault on Canterlot. What should you do? What shenanigans will ensue? YOU DECIDE!

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Chapter 3: Time for stealth! Very... violent... stealth...

From your hiding place, you see the Royal Guards start to spit up when...

Erised the ink-moth's comment

Another of the soldier begin to comment as he raised a hoof.
"Ummm... I don't know if it's related, but I have a cousin that live around here in ponyville and told me something about a changeling and the elements of harmony and a thing about 'This is my meat shield, exist many meat shields' that and strange boxes that appeared and dissapeared" Commented the soldier
"Bah, those are rumors, we investigated and that never happened" Comment the Lieutenant

"Uh sir..." one of the earth pony guards begins nervously "Are you sure it's such a good idea to split up? This castle is supposed to be haunted after all."

"Private, are you questioning my methods?" the Lieutenant growls at his subordinate, "These methods are tried and true, by the book!" he pulls out a small hoofbook with the title How NOT to Survive Horror Stories "This book has never let me down, and it says right here 'Rule Number 12: Always split up to cover more ground, no matter how unsafe or illogical'!"

I'm guessing the crossed-out word starts with 'N' and rhymes with 'thought'. you mentally snark, Even if their Lieutenant is a numbskull for not having one, surely his subordinates wouldn't be so du-

"Hmm... that doesn't make sense to me, but if the book said it it must be true." one guard says and his compatriots agree.

I stand corrected.

"Ummm... I don't know if it's related, but I have a cousin that lives around here in Ponyville and she told me something about how a changeling used one of the elements as a shield while chanting 'This is my meat shield' and reports of strange boxes in this castle." one of the Pegsus guards asks.

"Bah, those were just rumors. I investigated the matter personally and found no evidence of this." the Lieutenant says, "Now fan out and search these ruins! That's an order."

With that, each of the guards takes off in a random direction into the castle while the Lieutenant keeps watch at the entrance.

At least this makes my job easier. you think as you watch this all take place from the shadow of beneath a fallen pillar, staying perfectly still as an Earth Pony guard obliviously walks right past you.

Now to get out of here without being spotted. you think after the guard is far enough away from you.

There's only one guard standing so it should be easy to just knock him out and slip past. You creep up to him slowly, tip-hoofing across the floor and wishing it would stop making such an echo whenever you took a step, but you manage to get ever closer and overhear a bit of what the Lieutenant is muttering to himself.

"I hope something happens soon. I'm getting bored just standing here, with my back turned... and my defenses lowered... E'yup, would sure be easy for somepony to take me out now that I think about it, but the trusty guard manual wouldn't lie to me." he tells himself, pulling out another small hoofbook titled Guarding for Dummies, "You'd never let me down, would you sweetie?"

As he starts to kiss the book, you can't even feel bad about what you're about to use on him; the dreaded, famous and undoubtedly effective Vulcan nerve-pinch!

If Chi can allow me to use the 'force', then surely I can pull off Spock too. Now to just grab the victim where the neck meets the shoulders, focus my chi, and... you pinch the stallion's muscular neck with your hoof.

And nothing happens.

So you try again. And again. Pinching harder and more firmly each time.

Why isn't this working?! you think to yourself.

You then hear the Lieutenant grunt a bit,

"Private Melrose, is that you? I know your parents wanted you to be a masseuse but I gave you a direct order to search the castle for change-" he stops when he turns around to see you standing there, and his look of shock quickly turns to a deep, furious frown.

"Uh, I am not the changeling you are looking for?" you nervously say as you wave a hoof, to which he growls and prepares to attack, fortunately you think quickly and yell,

"POCKET SAND!" as you quickly grab and throw a hooffull of dust from the castle floor into the Lieutenant's eyes.

"MY EYES!" you hear him yell as you dart off further into the castle, "CODE RAID! CODE RAID! CHANGELING IN THE VICINITY!"

Fight only if you have to. You don't want to attack them only to find out that you weren't ready. try to get away, and hide somewhere the Guards won't think of looking...

After evading the Guards, take some time to catch your breath and think about your scenario

Go 815, use one of your orbs of thunder on them.
You hear one of the guards yell "MY EYES" and another that for some reason moans "my leg"

On one of the upper floors of the castle, you cautiously catch your breath as you hide in the shadows of the hall. After some breathing, you start to think,

Okay... I'm stuck in the abandoned ruins of a castle at sundown with 7 Royal Guards who now know for certain I'm in the area. Sure, those guys were easy to subdue and slime at Canterlot, but I had overwhelming numbers then and sliming takes too long for a single changeling. At least I should be safe up here on... the... wall...

You think look at your hooves and realize that you are literally on the wall hiding under a banner. Your memory then clears a bit as you remember that changelings are capable of walking on walls and even ceilings.

...Wish I remembered that when I was climbing that tree. you think in an annoyed tone before you calm down and start to think about your scenario while cautiously keeping an eye out for roving ponies,

Let's see... I just acquired some flashbang-like "Thundercloud Orbs", but I only have a few of them so I better not waste them. I just learned two new moves, but the "Force Pull" needs alot of focus and I just learned them less than an hour ago. I have an Oddjob-style Bowler which should protect me, but my aim with it needs work. I still can't fly or disguise myself so this wall-crawling will help.

With that you slowly move up to the ceiling, but you find you can't get a good grip on it...

BrownDog77 comment

There goes that option. The last thing I want is to get caught so I better Splinter Unit my way past those guards and out of here.

With that, you slowly start to sneak along the wall. Unfortunately, these guards also know changelings can walk on walls and are constantly using torches (or unicorn magic) to scan the walls forcing you to frequently duck and land behind statues and banners. Eventually, you reach an area where the way in front of you is blocked by a handrail and you spot a window across from you. You're about to take the long way (crawling on the wall all the way around the large room to get to the window) when you spot some guards scouting the hallway the floor down. You get concerned about being spotted when you see the chandelier and get an idea,

Hmmm... Wall-crawling across would take too long increasing my chances of being spotted, but if I just swing on this chandelier, not only will it be faster, but the noise would create enough of a ruckus to serve as a distraction.

With that, you take a few steps back, get a running start, jump, and grab the chandelier…

*snap* "D'OH!"

Unfortunately, the chain holding it up has been rendered fragile due to rust and age so the chandelier (and you) are both sent smashing down on top of a poor Pegasus Guard flying ahead of the group (*1 Pegasus Guard Down. 6 Remaining Total*). The crash echoes across the castle causing the Guards to rush into the area, but it also kicks up a large cloud of dust.

You're about to panic and flee, but...

SnapDrakeGame's comment

"What was that?!"

"A chandelier just crushed Private Prunes!"

Wait a minute; This hallway looks familiar... In fact, I know this castle better than those guys and I just rode a mass of metal smashing down from above. And... what is that on their faces? you think.

As the Guards talk loudly to each other with a hint of panic in their voices, you squint to see better through the dusty darkness and you notice fear on some of the Guard's faces at this turn of events. Perhaps in another world, this would be your call to flee, to try to escape the massacre that would likely go down should you try to engage these guards. However, the current environment makes you feel like doing something... extreme. Time seems to slow down as your mind cooks up a cunning plan. It's not entirely baked- in fact, it's probably a little too gooey at the center- but if worst comes to worst you should be able to escape regardless.

They're still in shock at that crash. And with this dust is concealing me, I have the element of surprise! Even better, I have the perfect opportunity for one hay of an entrance. you smirk, These guys think that I'm just another roach that can be stamped out? Perhaps I should educate them on just how wrong they are...

"You think it's the Pony of Shadows?" one guard asks with a hint of nervousness.

"Of course not you idiot!" the Lieutenant barks and is about to continue when you interrupt in a creepy Trottingham accent,

"Correct, However..."

As the guards look at the dust cloud in shock at this statement, you squint your eyes, point out a hoof, and focus your chi on a spear being held by the most nervous-looking Earth Pony Guard. Suddenly, the spear flies out of his hooves and into the dust cloud to the shock and surprise of the other Guards.

"You're all dealing with something far worse..."

You catch the spear and perform a quick twirl to clear away the dust as you complete the look by letting a small wave of green fire cover your body (for both presentation and just in case to heal any minor aches or cuts from that fall) as you cock your head down. With your hat at a cocked angle covering most of your face and with the limb holding the spear outstretched at your side, you look like quite the dapper figure indeed.

"Top 'a the mornin' to ya." you say, breaking the silence as you inject a hint of madness into your grin as you tilt your head up just enough for your blue changeling eyes to peer through from under the brim of your Bowler. The guards stare at you in shock before their lieutenant speaks up.

"The changeling is standing right there! Get him already!"

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," you grin. "Something tells me you rozzes (cops) don't quite know who I am..."

"Well, you're wearing a Bowler Hat and speaking in a Trottingham accent while using Nadsat slang words like Alex from A Clockwork Coconut-" one of the Unicorn guards pipes up, but suddenly silences himself when he notices that the rest turned to give him odd looks. "Uh... not that I watched that or anything, Heh heh it's totally banned," the guard replies, nervously.

"Well, you'd be partially correct there, my droog (friend)," you tell them, "But what I is none of your shilarny (concern) as you are all malenky (little) insects loveted (caught) in my web."

The unicorn guard who piped up originally gasps, his eyes widening. "No way..." he mutters.

"Hold it. Isn't Alex a pony?" Another guard asks.

"No. No I'm not," you grin and in a flash you cast a disguise spell, and appear just like Alex from A Clockwork Coconut. The disguise zaps back a second later, and a pain shoots through your horn, but you hide it. "Why do you think I was able to crast and drat sods without a rozz getting on my case? Answer: Changeling disguis-"

"Can it roach!" The Lieutenant barks, "There's a big gaping hole in this story of yours and that's the fact that A Clockwork Coconut is a fictional piece of work."

"Is it?" you ask. "Didn't any of you millicents (cops) have a smot (look) at the credit at the start of the sinny (movie) that skazat (said) "Based on a true story?"

By now the majority of the guards are looking a bit unnerved. The lieutenant glances towards the guard who "totally hasn't" seen A Clockwork Coconut.

"Alright," he asks. "If this guy is who he claims to be, what would we be dealing with?"

"Sociopathic teen with delusions of eloquence and culture," the guard responds, his eyes darting wildly around, "He'll beat us all with his cane-knife in a frenzy of Milk-Plus-fueled ultraviolence before in-out-in-outing us while whistling Singing in the Rain. Oh Celestia no! Please spare me-*smack*"

"Snap out of it soldier!", The lieutenant barks after slapping the guard before turning back towards you, eyes narrowing, "Well, "Mr. Alex", I believe there's still one factor you've failed to take into consideration. There are seven of us and only one of you."

"Seven? What are you govoreeting (talking) about? I only viddy (count) five." you say gesturing to the unconscious Pegasus under the chandelier,

"I don't know what you're babbling about," the lieutenant says, striding forwards, "However, here's something even a bug-brain like you can understand; You're hereby under arrest by the Royal Guard of-aaaaaaaaahhh!!!!!"

The carpet beneath the lieutenant caves in, revealing a deep pit beneath and the lieutenant screams all the way to the bottom.

"Like I said, five." you say, flashing a mad smirk (*1 Unicorn Lieutenant missing. 5 Remaining Total*). You can hardly believe that noling has called your bluff, but you're loving every second of this..

"By the way, don't try to leave the cantora (office). You'll find that the door has already shut."

"Wh-what are you going to do with us?" one guard stammers, glancing left and right as if searching for a way to escape.

“Why the answer to that is awfully simple. I’m going, tooooo…” your tongue catches as you realize that you actually really don’t have any plans up to this point.

“Mmm… probably gonna run away in a comedic fashion, Catch!” you finish as you throw the spear at the Guards before turning and running. A moment later, a spear flies over your head. As you run down the halls you spot a familiar looking vase...

*ding*

Getting an idea, you quickly reach into your saddlebags as you continue running from the pursuing guards. You manage to grab a sugarcube as you run past the vase and take a quick look back to see the Guards are still in pursuit. With a quick turn you throw the sugarcube at the vase which merely nudges it, but it's enough to to activate the pressure mechanism causing a pair of hammers to come out of the walls and smash down on either sides of the vase and onto the heads of two of the Guards in the front, knocking them out (*1 Pegasus Guard and 1 Earth Pony Guard Down. 3 Remaining Total*).

“Kiss my sharries (balls)!” you taunt as you round the corner before you smack headfirst into a wall.

After briefly shaking the impact off, you glance around, and realize that you’ve come to a dead end! You're about to run in the opposite direction when you realize that the guards have the only other path blocked off.

“D'oh- Wait, abandoned castle!”

With that you run back to the wall and start pressing on bricks as you hear the Guards coming closer and closer,

“Please be secret door. Please be secret door. Please be secret door."

Your hoof eventually presses against a loose brick opening a trapdoor next to you,

"Yay-woah!”

Suddenly another spear embeds itself into the wall just next to your head making you let go of the brick (closing the trapdoor) and you turn to see three angry Royal Guards with spears (except for the one spear-throwing guard who is still glaring at you, but has a hoof patting around the floor looking for something to hurt you with) pointed at you.

“Oh right. Almost forgot about you guys.”

You then take a step to the side so that you're right over the trapdoor and smirk as you say,

"Well I'd love to stay and chat, but you know how these old castles are; Always falling apart at the drop of a hat."

With that you press the wall behind you, but only touch solid implanted brick,

"Uh, See you next fall!" you say as your smirk falters and you press against another brick only for nothing to happen.

"Would you kindly give me a minute..." you chuckle nervously before you turn around and start pressing the bricks like mad. The Guards decide that they've had enough of your antics and close in, but you manage to press the right brick and the trapdoor opens beneath your hooves causing you to fall away.

You tumble in a heap at the bottom of the pit. Glancing around, you appear to have landed in some dungeon of sorts. It's quite dark and the only windows are covered by bars. Opposite the windows are some more bars, locking any prisoners from the brightly-lit hallway beyond. Now it looks like you need to find someway out of the cell, and fast- you'd hate for a guard to come down here and catch you trapped in here. You approach the cell door when you notice the dim light reflecting off some words engraved on your wristband.

"Aquila Talon... Huh." you comment before you attempt to push open the cell door, but as soon as you touch it the door just falls to the ground with a cacophonous crash,

"D'oh!"

"What was that?" you hear some voice say upstairs,

"It came from downstairs" you hear the Earth Pony Corporal say, "Private Stuart, use your unicorn magic to scout that area while we look for the Lieutenant."

"Stupid rusty hinges." you mutter under your breath as you hear the approaching hoofsteps of another guard. You duck into the shadows, before trying to use your changeling hooves to climb onto the ceiling and crouch low into the shadows. You've barely hauled yourself out of the line of sight when the unicorn guard bursts into the chamber. His horn glowing to provide light, he gives a quick glance into your cell and fails to spot you on the ceiling before he starts checking out the other cells.

As he opens the door to one of the cells and sticks his head in to peer inside, you take this as your call to act.

You drop down onto the ground and duck under a cot just as the Unicorn turns around at the sound of your landing. Finding nopony there, he moves on to the next cell as you creep silently up behind him. When you're close enough to make out a small mole on his right flank you give him a big push. Catching the guard flat-hooved, he stumbles into the cell and you slam the cell door on him. You're about to spout of a one-liner when the cell door suddenly falls forward and crashes onto the ground. You both just stand there in awkward silence for a moment before you sheepishly say,

"Oh yeah... Rusted hinges-"

Suddenly the unicorn guards charges at you with his spear outstretched in his magic causing you to stumble back in shock and flail your limbs in panic. Somehow you manage to do something right for as you fall and flail a limb at the Guard's head, your left forelimb deploys a hidden hookblade that juts out and hits the unicorn on the horn, causing him to drop his spear and clutch his head in dizziness and pain.

You look at your left forearm in confusion only to see that the metallic gold wristband has been replaced with a bracer with a hookblade jutting out of it. You don't have too much time to admire it as the Unicorn could recover from his assault at any moment (*1*) so you rush forward and, on instinct, you grab the unicorn's horn with your hookblade to pull his head down before quickly rolling over the guard's back as you place your right elbow pit on the front of his neck. Using this momentum and your body weight, you throw the guard with enough force to violently slam his face into the wall before using your newly learned "Chain Punch" to deliver a barrage of blows to the Unicorn's horn just to be sure. After punching him so many times you've lost count you exclaim,

"Woo! That was real horrorshow!" to yourself in excitement with the rush still in you (*1 Unicorn Guard Down. 2 Remaining Total*). You glance back down at the gauntlet and its hidden hookblade, grinning wildly.

"Oh, this is awesome! Now I can be like Ezio, going around stabbing ponies! Except apparently it's more like a hook without a blade... still awesome! But where did it come from?" you ask yourself as your excitement turns to confusion, "I could have sworn I was wearing a metallic gold wristband with the words 'Aquila Talon' engraved on- Woah!"

Suddenly the bracer is engulfed in a brief flash of light and turns back into your wristband. You blink in confusion before cautiously reading the engraving,

"Aquila... Talon-" Suddenly there's another flash of light and the wristband turns into the bracer. After some brief experimenting, you find that saying "Aquila Talon" causes the accessory on your left forelimb to change from a metallic gold wristband to a bracer with a hidden hookblade and vice-versa. You also find that by moving your hoof ever so subtly back, you can retract the blade (you have decided to dub this bracer/hidden hookblade the 'Aquila Talon' after its activation phrase). Useful to know.

Climbing up a flight of stairs, you find yourself in a tall hallway. Your ears flick when you detect a voices coming down the hall. Your eyes glance around for places to hide. The shadowy corners of the ceiling come to mind,

Buck... I can't wall-climb up there in time! Unless...

Turning back to the 'Aquila Talon', you engage the hidden hookblade. You really hope that genre savviness is the appropriate knowledge to consult right now as you quickly rear your left arm back as you think,

Okay, if flicking my wrist forward deploys the hookblade and flicking my wrist back retracts it, then shooting my wrist forward with the hookblade deployed should-

You throw your arm forward and the hookblade ejects out of the bracer with a sturdy-looking chain attached to it,

"Yes!" you exclaim as the hookblade latches onto a hole in the celing. hearing the footsteps of the guards getting faster, you flick your hoof back again causing the chain to retracts and pull you up to the ceiling.

Hidden blade AND a grappling hook? Horrorshow! you think in glee as you attach yourself to the celing and crouch into the shadows not a moment too soon as two guards (both Earth Ponies) rush into the spot you were just standing.

"I could have sworn I heard something here." the grey-coated Corporal Guard says.

"Well, what do we do now, Sir? I haven't seen any changelings or the Lieutenant." the second white-coated Guard asks.

"He might've taken a secret passage," the Corporal replies. "He seems to know where most of them are. We should carefully check around this hall for any passages."

With a nod, the white-coated Guard heads towards the stairs to the second floor as the Corporal continues to carefully search the hall.

BrownDog77 comment

Staying on the celing, you sneakily follow the Grey Guard as he explores the room. You suddenly notice that he's approaching a trap that activates a giant ax that's at just the right distance to decapitate somepony (you only dodged it because you thought you found a Bit on the floor). Not wanting any blood on your hooves (*2), you dive down from your spot on the celing just above him and and push him out of the way just in time…

*crash*

Unfortunately you pushed him directly towards a handrail which breaks under his weight. You rush forth and catch him by his hind leg.

“I gotcha!” you cry out.

"Ha Ha, very funny Corporal." the Guard chuckles sarcastically, "Can you please let me up Sir?"

"Actually, I'm not a Corporal. I'm a Specialist." you reply.

"I- Who- Oh horseapples..."

You're about to say something else when you realize it looks like you're pulling those dangling-interrogation like Batmane, thinking quickly, you change your voice to sound like it’s deep and gravely (*3*),

"Alright, who are you working for?"

"Forget it roach! I ain't telling you anything!" the Guard says defiantly.

"Are you crazy? This castle is 88 basements deep and you're right above the hatch straight down without a ladder."

Actually, you're both just on the 2nd floor and you don't know how deep the basement is, but castle is too dark to see the floor anyway, but the Guard doesn't know this as he responds,

"What?"

"Fun fact; It's not true that you black out before you smash into the ground. You see it coming the whole way." you continue in what you call your "Intimidation Voice".

"Yo-You wouldn't!"

"You want to convince me not to? Give me some intelligence right now." you demand.

"I don't have any intelligence!"

"You are aware that you just called yourself stupid." you snark in a deadpan tone.

"I'm not stupid!"

"Really? Then say something to prove it or else my grip might slip..."

"Okay, Okay!"

"Now as I said before; What are you doing here? And don't make me repeat myself again or your remains will be indistinguishable from mashed potatoes.” you growl.

“We were sent to investigate this area because the Element of Loyalty heard strange singing!”

“Strange singin- Oh…” you say as you remember your Sugar-High.

“Just please don’t drop me, please,” he begs.

“Don’t worry, I wasn’t going to anyw-*slip* Do'h!” you explain in your normal voice before your grip on him slips and he screams as he plummets before landing head first on a cabinet below, smashing through the shelves. You cringe and peer over the edge, but thankfully he is alive and groaning.

“My Bad!” you tell him.

“Private! Are you okay!” you hear another shout.

In your panic, you run towards the nearby stairs and accidentally run into the Corporal, but due to your momentum you end up knocking into him sending you both down the stairs. Fortunately (for you that is) the Guard ends up cushioning your fall as you ride him down the stairs with his head banging against every step until you reach the bottom where you fall off him. You stumble back up and see the two unconscious (and probably concussion-ed) guards and comment,

"Dang... Well I guess that's the last of them."

(*2 Earth Pony Guards Down. None Remain-*)

"Stallions! Fall in!"

(*Scratch that. 1 Unicorn Lieutenant reappeared. 1 Remaining*)

"Gorramit!" you mutter as you use Aquila Talon to grapple back up to the ceiling as the Lieutenant runs into the room.

"Celestia Darn it! Where are... you..." His voice trails off as he sees the two unconscious Pony Guards, "My stallions! What could have done this to them?!"

You're about to ceiling-crawl out of the castle when all those times you have played the Batmane: Arkham arcade games gives you a wicked idea,

This guy's probably the last pony standing. This is gonna be fun...

"That would be me." you call from the ceiling in your "Intimidation Voice" and scurry to another spot as the Unicorn flashes his horn on the spot.

"Who's there? I demand you identify yourself in the name of the Princess!" the Unicorn Lieutenant demands.

"Yeah... from where I'm standing, you're not in a position to demand a little glass of water." you snark as you drop down onto the second floor of the castle.

"Watch your tone scum! You're speaking to Lieutenant Gorman of the Equestrian Royal Guard! I'm in charge of this squad-"

“Well hello Mr. Fancy Pants!” you interrupt as you pick up some stones lying on the floor.

He turns towards the darkness, his horn glowing,

“I’m not Sir Fancy Pants, I’m-”

You interrupt him with a rock throw which causes him to reflexively shine his horn at where he heard the rock land only to find nothing there,

“I got news for you pal, you ain’t leading but two things right now, Jack and Shit… and Jack left town.” you taunt as you climb back up to the ceiling.

“Sergeant Jack didn’t leave town, he’s back at the station-” the guard says while looking around for you in confusion.

“No, it-I… Shut Up!” you yell in frustration before you reacquire your 'intimidation voice', "The point is you're the only one left Louie."

"That's a lie!" the Lieutenant says defensively, "You may have gotten really lucky two of my Privates along with Corporal York, but I still have 3 other stallio-!"

You throw another rock closer to him causing him to reflexively flash his horn light again only to (again) see nothing.

"Oh, you mean the unicorn who's sleeping off gorging on a large plate of wall downstairs or those two guys in the hall who just learned when is hammert-?"

"Shut it roach!" The Lieutenant says with a hint of fear in his voice as he cautiously walks backwards. "I am nothing like my stallions! When I find you I'm gonna--"

His defiant threats are stopped when a suit of armor suddenly forcibly pulls itself onto the unicorn causing him to scream and smash it off of him.

"Indeed, you're not." you snark, "From the way you beat up empty suits of armor, you're clearly the greatest warrior in all the land."

"Silence! Show yourself you co-"

A rock hits him from the left making him spin his head in that direction and fire off a spell, but you aren't there.

"You're getting warmer..." you taunt.

Another rock hits him from behind and he fires off two spells, but he still hits empty space.

"Wait, did I say warmer? I meant colder." you snark as you throw another rock just behind him making him whirl around and panic-fire more spells.

"Like cold enough to sink-a-ship-that-would-be-the-world's-most-expensive-chick-flick cold."

"WHAT THE BUCK ARE YOU DOING?!!!" he shouts in panic as he starts looking around wildly.

"To be honest with you Louie, I could end you at ANY moment, but I'm Just instilling as much fear as I can." you comment, "As if basting a turkey. Which I will then proceed to dropkick. That's right. I'm going to BUCK the fear turk-"

You then stop when you realize how moronically off-track your metaphor had gotten, but it seems to do it's job as the Lieutenant is now in full on panic screaming,

"Wh-WHAT THE BUCK ARE YOU?!!!"

"I am many things Louie", you taunt, "But most importantly..."

Suddenly the Lieutenant feels something small land on his back that makes him just freeze in fear as a voice whispers,

"I'm right above you."

The Lieutenant darts his head straight up only to scream as he sees a demonic giant insect descending upon him with a large object in his hooves screaming, "I AM THE NIGHT!!!" before smashing him in the head with a large can of beans. After giving the Unicorn another whack just to be sure that he's out (and admiring how the can is dented, but not leaking), you excitedly gush,

"That was bucking awesome! With the stealth and the taunting and the voice, I didn't think that would actually work! Batmane got nothing on me-"

Yeah... it's gonna be a while before the adrenaline wears off so lets come back later.

LATER

Now that you've calmed down, you ronch on the sugarcube you dropped on the Lieutenant as you think of what to do next,

Let's see... I just taken down a whole group of enemies one-by-one so arcade game logic dictates I should loot their bodies and dispose of the bodies in a fire-

You then facehoof as you continue,

Wait, no! I can't just kill them! They're already beaten and leaving a trail of corpses wherever I go won't do me any favors in the long-run...

With that, you instead settle for just rummaging through their armor for some Bits. You do feel slightly guilty about this, but you are behind enemy lines and you did beat these guys ("To the victor go the spoils..."). Besides, you mainly come across I.O.U.s and bar tab receipts.

"Probably only a few days away from payday." you mutter as you pocket what Bits you found.

50 Bits(*4*)
Added to Saddlebags

Feeling confident with your new supplies, you walk out of the castle through the front door when you're blindsided by the sound of terrified screams in the forest and judging from the sound you determine,

"Those screams. It sounds like three young female- Oh buck no... THERE'S THREE FILLIES IN THIS BUCKING FOREST!"

WHAT DO YOU DO?

Author's Note:

(*1*) While flicking or slapping a unicorn's horn can disable their magic and cause them an extremely brief ache, punching or hitting a Unicorn's horn is the pain equivalent of a nutshot to the head that also renders the Unicorn dizzy.
(*2*) Concussions and injuries; sure, but you'd prefer to keep the bloodshed to an absolute minimum. You may be behind enemies lines, but leaving a trail of corpses will NOT help you in the long run. Besides, you can't feed on the love of the dead (and your Hive has tried).
(*3*) Imagine a badflank cross between Bryan Mills (Liam Neeson/Neighson) and Sam Fisher (Michael Ironside)
(*4*) For the sake of financial comparison; 1 Equestrian Bit is worth 2 American Dollars.

Current Loadout:

On your person:
-Saddlebags
-Bowler Hat with "Ace of Spades" card in hatband
-Metallic gold wristband on left arm with engravings of a lion and an eagle on it.
-Aquila Talon: Name and trigger phrase that causes the wristband to transform into a bracer with a deployable hidden hookblade that also can act as a grappling hook.

In Saddlebag:
-Old Bottle of Wine
-Large can of beans (dented)
-Box of Sweet Chariot sugarcubes
-52 Deck of Cards
-4 Thundercloud Orbs (Basically a hybrid of a flashbang and smoke grenade as it releases a brief blinding flash of lightning, a deafening crack of thunder, and a grey cloud)
-"The Dao of the River" book
-50 Bits

Abilities:
-Chain Punch
-Short range "Force Pull" that requires alot of focus

Okay guys, seeing how we've have a few foundations of his character, it's time to give you (Specilaist 815 the changeling) a name.

To make this more interesting, here are some guidelines;

1. Each commenter can suggest up to 3 names.
2. The names should be in this format;

"You like the name? I took it from, uh, my favorite historical character and my second-favorite Szechuan restaurant in Brooklyn."
-Hannibal Chau, Pacific Rim

Meaning one part of the name (first or last) should be named after a character either real (like Dumas, Voltaire, Benedict, etc.) or fictional (like Rambo, Ezio, Hayabusa, etc.).
The second part of the name (again, first or last. Order doesn't matter) should be the name of a real restaurant (like Buca, O'Charley's, Zantigo, etc.) or even a food (Burger, Reuben, Menemen).
SAMPLE NAME: Gyro Quixote
3. Please NO John’s, James’s, Jack’s, Smith’s or any variations of those names (Johnny, Jackson, Jonathan, etc.). Those names are WAY too overused.

The finalists will be chosen and voted on next chapter. HAVE FUN EVERYLING!!! :pinkiehappy:

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