Chapter 9: Yeeeaaahhh, It's a Party in the CIA- I Mean Ponyville
Kichi's comment
As you look at this "Sugarcube Corner" you also now notice that Ponyville is suddenly a ghost town as there is noling walking around. This is especially strange because ever since that gorram rooster woke you up, this town was bustling with activity. Taking this into account, you draw the logical conclusion,
Oh no, They must have discovered what I am! It must be a trap, the moment I enter I'm gonna get dogpiled by an angry mob of ponies. you think in worry, Time to bail!
With that you turn around and proceed to head down the road towards Ponyville's exit. Just as you were right at the "Now Leaving Ponyville" sign, you stop and cautiously look around to make sure nopony is there to stop you. Seeing nothing you decide to move forward when suddenly Pinkie Pie is right in front of you!
"Hi! What are you doing here Ritz? Did you not get the note?" she asks with an unusually... "offness" in her smile.
"Uhhh... Err... I was looking around and, uh, admiring theeeeee beauty of this town and I think I might have, uh, taken the wrong path... Yeah, Heh Heh." you chuckle nervously, mentally praying that she buys your lie.
"Oh, no problem, I can lead you back to Sugarcube Corner, but it's still strange... My Pinkie Sense was telling me that a changeling around here was going to break a Pinkie Promise, but I don;t see any changelings." she responds with that unsettling smile as she looks around.
"A-A Changeling? Wh-what makes you say that? And what's that about a Pinkie Promise?" you ask in nervous alarm before suddenly remembering the night before.
LAST NIGHT
"I Pinkie Promise not to leave tomorrow or leave you three behind in exchange for your help... Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye."
BACK TO NOW
"Uhhh... It's a combo." Pinkie says, "Twitchy tail, ear flop, ear flop, twitchy tail, and itchy nose means a Changeling is going to break a Pinkie Pomise, meanwhile ear flop, ear flop, twitchy tail, and stomachache means a minotaur is going to break a Pinkie Promise, and a doozy with a twitchy tail and ear flop, means Discord is going to make a friend smile..." soon she starts just babbling so you stop paying attention.
However, you also remember the chats you had during that game of poker. Specifically the strange rumors of the pink mare and what she does to those who break one of her Promises. The most famous rumor was that she would mutilate you into cupcakes, another rumor was that she followed you even to the afterlife with a constantly babbling mouth that would never close, there was even a rumor that she could transform in a white pegasus and begin to throw magical beams that could defeat even Celestia but there was no proof of any of that as no one dared to break a Pinkie Promise fearing what the Pink Mare could do to them. That or if somepony was dumb enough to break a Pinkie Promise, he'd never got the chance to do it again...
go to suggercube corner
Seeing how you don't really have a choice otherwise anyway, that's what you do.
With a resigned sigh, you turn around and go back into Ponyville, leaving behind Pinkie who's oblivious to your absence as she's now babbling/pondering something about how Aquamare can control whales if her powers only apply to fish. When you arrive in front of the bakery again, you can still sense ponies inside the establishment...
Try to gauge their intentions through the emotions you detect before deciding to go inside.
Focusing on their emotions you can sense cunning and anticipation, but mixed with joy instead of maliciousness which rules out a hostile ambush. This combination of emotions is familiar to you, but you just can't quite place your hoof on it-
*ding* It's one of those "Surprise Party" things. But I thought ponies only did that in sitcom serials?
You shrug and are about to go in when you realize,
"D'oh! It's not a surprise if I already know! The party hasn't even started and I already pooped it!" you moan, "How am I gonna salvage thi-"
*ding*
BrownDog77's comment
Getting a cunning idea, you sneak around Sugarcube Corner, carefully staying under the windows so you won't get spotted until you reach the backdoor. You then whisper "Aquila Talon" and prepare to lockpick/pry open the door with the hookblade when you find the backdoor is unlocked.
Huh. Ponies here must be really trusting or really gullible. Then again I repeat myself. you mentally comment as you use your changeling stealth skills to climb up the walls and onto the ceiling before sneaking into the main area where you see various ponies hiding behind objects much smaller than them or half-in the shadows.
Amateurs. you mentally smirk at their "stealth" skills. Looking around at all the ponies waiting for you, your mischievous side takes over. You look around and see that the closest pony is Rarity hiding behind a vase so you carefully sneak over to her while still on the ceiling until you are directly over her and whisper,
"So... who are we ambushing?"
"Ssshhh! We're going to surprise Mr. DeWitt when he comes in here with a surprise party. Be quiet or you'll ruin it," Rarity hissed in a whisper.
"Why are we giving him a party again?"
"Because, he's new in town and saved my sister and her friends. Now keep it down or you'll ruin it. Pinkie goes through alot of trouble for these parties. Honestly darling, weren't you there when Pinkie explain-"
Rarity's voice trailed off at the sound of your hookblade deploying and she looks up to see a pair of blue orbs peering down at her in the darkness.
"Hi." you smirk.
"KKKKYYYYAAA!" Rarity screamed, jumping back in surprise and backing into a wall. All the ponies in the room jumped at the sound of the scream and the lights come on to reveal a smiling "pony" in a suit dropping to the floor from the ceiling.
"Good evening everyli-er pony," you say with a smile beneath your scarf as you fix your tie.
All the ponies looked at you in surprise, while a certain pink pony walks right up to you in a fury.
"RITZ!!! YOU RUINED MY SURPRISE!! AND AFTER I SPENT SO LONG PLANNING!!!"
Cruel Chrysalis, she's bucking terrifying! you think before you hastily say,
"Sorry, sorry! My old training kicked in and I couldn't resist!"
Pinkie narrowed her eyes and frowned, but eventually turned back to the other ponies with a smile and declares,
"PARTY TIME!"
Erised the ink-moth's comment
Pinkie then bounces off to the kitchen afterwards, humming a tune like she had never even been mad in the first place.
"Uh, should I be worried about her?" you ask the rest of her friends.
"Nah, Pinkie isn't one to hold a grudge." Rainbow shrugs "Unless you break a pinkie promise." she adds with a slight shiver.
You nod as you decide to keep that in mind for later. In the meantime, you figure you should acquaint yourself with the rest of the ponies who showed up to the party, most of which you could have sworn you saw while you were wandering around town. You haven't really gotten a plan together yet and gathering intel will help in the long run. It should be especially easy since a few of them have already surrounded you and are currently invading your personal space! Honestly... what is it with ponies and physical contact?!
"Uh... hi?" you stammer and back up from the crowd (while unconsciously reaching for a Thundercloud Orb) as a bright pink mare with a blue slicked back mane and tail leans in uncomfortably close.
"Well hello there mister DeWitt," she says in a seductive accent "I'm Aloe, my sister Lotus Blossom and I run the Ponyville Day Spa here in Ponyville. Maybe you could stop by for a treatment sometime."
Okay... Aside from how... 'relaxing' that sounds, there are SO many things that could go horribly wrong. most of them having to do with the fact that I'm basically a big emotion-parasite under this suit. Tread carefully...
"Thanks for the offer, but I'm not really comfortable with anypony else touching me like that or seeing me without clothes on; besides I have a skin condition." you say as you hold up the Doctor's Note.
Aloe just looks at you more deeply though. "Oh that's okay, we don't get that many customers. It'd just be me helping you with your... 'condition'."
Dear Chrysalis, the smell of bath salts, lotion, and shampoo on her coat is intoxicating!
"Aloe!" scolds another mare who looks just like her but with her color scheme flipped as she pulls Aloe's hooves off of your shoulders.
Thank Chrysal- Wait, when did Aloe get that close? you think and just as you're about to ponder how her stealth skills seemingly rival yours the other mare apoligizes in an accent.
"I apoligize about my sister, Mr. DeWitt. She's a bit of a flirt with the stallions. Still, she's right, business has been a bit slow lately and we'd love it if you'd come give our sauna a visit. We'll even give you a discount if you bring a friend."
You consider her offer and finally tell her,
"I'll think about it." as you tip your bowler.
It seemed to satisfy her and she manages to wrestle her sister away from you to let you have some chat time with the other guests too.
Hah, she thinks I didn't see what they did right there. you think to yourself while making your way to the punch, I saw the whole thing, send her sister to soften me up with her flirting, then she moves in to save me while offering what seems like a good deal. Whether she figures I'm actually interested in a relaxing treatment, or just want to see her sister again, it means I'm likely to stop by their spa. And that 'discount for a friend' just suckers in another. Plot sells after all. Very clever spa ponies... very clever."
"I wonder what he's like under that suit." you suddenly pick out Aloe's voice nearby, and look over to see little cartoon hearts bubbling out from the mare while her sister face-hoofs. You decide to focus on her emotions out of curiosity and detect the unmistakable presence of lust coming from her and directed at you causing you to blush under your scarf.
Woah. I knew every mare crazy 'bout a sharp dressed stallion, but-
Your mental response to that is interrupted when you get bumped into by another mare to your right who wasn't exactly looking where she was going, more intent on hiding something from view more than anything else.
"Oh hey Berry Punch, nice to see you again." you greet her eyeing what she's trying to conceal "What do you have ther-"
"SHHH!" she quickly hushes you "Adults only punch." she whispers and discretely pours two whole bottles of Jack Spaniels into the punch and gives it a stir for good measure.
You raise an eyebrow at her, but seeing as how there's no foals or pregnant mares present, you decide not to spoil her fun.
"Berry!" calls yet another mare who trots over and gives a hard stare at Berry Punch "So, what are you doing over by the punchbowl?"
"Nothing!" Berry's snaps as her eyes dart left and right, "I was just, uh... was just over here doing...- oh hey, have you met mister DeWitt yet?!" she says and grabs your shoulder and drags you over for an awkward sideways hug, "I have to introduce you, we go way back... heh." she nudges you painfully in the side "Play... along." she says through her teeth to you, all the while smiling nervously at the blue and white unicorn in front of you.
"Right well, I'm Ritz DeWitt." you introduce yourself and manage to break free of Berry's hold "Nice to meet you..."
"Minuette, but my friends call me Colgate. No idea why." Minuette says as she shakes your hoof "So what did Berry do to the punch? And please tell me it wasn't her special 'Adult punch'."
You look blankly at her for a moment before shrugging,
"Okay, I won't." you snark, suppressing your laughter as Minuette launches into a rant about alcohol and dental hygiene while Berry calls you a traitor with playful drama. With those mares busy, you decide to gather more intel.
SnapDrakeGames's comment
SEVERAL INTERACTIONS LATER
The party's in full swing now. Pastries are consumed, excitement is high, and a DJ and a Cellist are performing an epic duet. Through your socializing you found out,
-Caramel is Rarity's neighbor, the cousin to the Ponyville Doctor, and works two jobs; One at the farm and the other as a rodeo clown in Appleloosa. That was all you were able to find out before he suddenly remembered he forgot that he was supposed to return something to his special somepony and quickly left.
-Minuette is punctual, lives in Canterlot, but frequently comes to Ponyville, works part-time as a dental assistant, and dates Berry Punch. You then remembered that she was one of the bridesmaids that Chrysalis brainwashed during the wedding so you awkwardly back off.
-Lyra Heartstrings and Bon Bon are a couple in Ponyville. The former is a lyre player and humany from Canterlot while the latter runs a candystore named "Sweetie Drops Candies". You sense that Bon Bon is harboring a secret, but then awkwardly back off again when you remember that Lyra was also brainwashed by Chrysalis.
-The cellist's name is Octavia Melody, she was educated in Trottingham, and she lives with the DJ; Vinyl "DJ Pon-3" Scratch.
-Speaking of her, she's an extroverted party animal and a slight flirt (nowhere near the level of Aloe, though)
You make your way to the side of the party, where you see Twilight kind of off on her own, immersed in a book. "Hey," you call. "Why aren't you out on the dance floor with the rest of your friends?"
Twilight looks up from her book, and then follows your line of sight to see the rest of the Elements performing an intricate and impressively choreographed dance number (how is Pinkie spinning on her head for so long?). She turns back to you, and blushes a little.
"It's... kind of embarrassing," she says. "The gist of it is that if I try dancing in such a crowded area, the hospital is gonna be full tomorrow."
"Ooh," you groan. "Eh, I know the feeling."
"What?" Twilight smirks, "Enigmatic elite like yourself never taught to dance?"
"Hey! I will have you know that the as a specialist of the hi- I mean, organization, I am well taught in over two hundred diverse skill sets, including drilling, milk-delivering, floor-sweeping, table-waitering, wall-painting, bird-watching, scuba-diving, and frog-catching."
"...But not dancing," Twilight grins.
You give a sigh. "No, not dancing."
"It's not difficult," Twilight says. "Just listen to the music and move your body to the beat. Do what comes naturally."
"Says the Hero of Equestria who can send everyli- er, pony else to the infirmary doing what comes naturally." you snark.
"Touche," Twilight giggles. "So, some party, eh?"
"Yep," you nod as your eyes wander back to the dance floor and find Rainbow Dash break-dancing in midair... somehow. "This is some party. Too bad it's the only one of the year."
Twilight shoots you a strange look. "What do you mean 'only one of the year?' Pinkie Pie throws parties, like, every third day."
You sputter a bit at this, "What?" you manage to get out. "But... how can she afford to do that?"
"Eh. She's a baker," Twilight explains. "That handles the pastries. Also, part of our taxes go to supporting certified party ponies like her."
"Oh. Right," you mutter, Why is Equestrian Law so weird? Eh, bread and circuses I guess. Or in this case cakes and parties.
"I think there are party ponies in other cities too. All around Equestria," Twilight says. "You seriously only go to one party a year?"
"Er- back at the hi- organization, I mean, we only ever had enough lo- I mean, pastries for one party a year," you explain quickly, hoping she doesn't catch on. (1)
"Weird? What kind of organization did you work at?" Twilight asks.
"That's classified," you respond. "But... well, it had... other priorities."
Twilight shrugs. "Well, so long as you're in Ponyville, you'll get a lot more party experience. You'll be an expert partygoer in no time! I have a book you can use, if you want!"
"Woah, hold on there. I don't need a book," you say. "I'm an expert partygoer already."
"An expert partygoer who attends one party a year?" Twilght gives you a skeptical smile.
"Hey. When we partied, we really partied," you argue. "By the end of the night, no lamp still had its shade attached. It'd get so loud that the neighbors would complain."
"I'm still not impressed," Twilight teases.
"Alright," you continue, "so the party's just getting going, everypony's excited, and then, inevitably, somepony breaks out the Poko."
"Poko? Wow, now I am a little impressed," Twilight says, raising an eyebrow.
"Anyways," you continue. "They break out the Poko and everypony goes hogwild. They're flying into the ceiling, they can't carry anything straight, their disguise spe- I mean, uh, clothes are all messed up. Personally, I was never much of a drinker myself. While others were carrying out pranks on the inebriated, I'd be talking to them. Being completely drunk, they'd have no idea what they were saying and I'd extract some juicy intel."
"Really?" Twilight looks intrigued.
"Yeah. This one guy- grown bu- pony, by the way- he actively watches My Little Human and not just as part of a cover."
"Pssh. You're lying," Twilight giggles.
"I wish I was," you grin. "And its not just him. I spoke to twelve others that night who confessed to liking the show."
"Oh, that's almost a little sad," Twilight laughs.
"Eh, apparently there're even more of them," you say. "It's growing into a movement of sorts. They call themselves- Humanies."
"That... is a really dumb name," Twilight notes.
"I know," you reply. "But hey, if there are that many who like it, maybe the show's actually worth watching, if we'd just give it a chance."
You both manage to hold a straight face for another couple of seconds before you burst out laughing. "Oh, who am I kidding," you chuckle. "I mean, sure there are great cartoons aimed at foals like Darkwing Goose or Strength Stuff Fillies, but a toy-driven cartoon meant for brainwashing fillies into buying toys and stereotypical gender roles? Please."
When you manage to get control of yourself and Twilight settles down, you shoot her a smile. "So yeah. Experienced partygoer. Don't worry about me."
"And yet you still don't know how to dance," Twilight says.
"Touche." you sigh.
When Twilight stops laughing, she gives you a friendly grin. "So, tell me more. What else would happen at these parties at your 'organization?'"
"Well, there was this one time-"
Grey Rebl's comment
You're suddenly interrupted when a pink hoof shoves a plate of cake in your face.
"Cake?"
You back off from the cake to see that it looks like your Bowler hat.
"Wait, is that my-"
"Yup indeed! I didn't know what you liked or what flavor you ate so I decided on a chocolate-vanilla marble cake with black icing just for you."
Moved by this display of generosity (2) "I-I don't know what to say-"
"Don't talk, eat! Just take a bite! Take it now!" she exclaims as she shoves the plate in your face again.
"Pinkie..." Twilight starts in annoyance as you take a bite of the cake.
Suddenly you feel the need to vomit and fart rainbows. Holy golden smokes this is euphoric! You can feel the fluff from the cream, the warm swirling alliance of chocolate and vanilla in the cake, and a third flavor you just can't place. Never before have you ever tasted something so... divine. A-are you in heaven?
"Overlord Grumpy Kitten?" you began to say to a hallucination, formed by your tastebuds' enlightenment. "Have you finally decided to let me pet you?"
"Um," Twilight says. "Mr. DeWitt? Are you okay?"
"No, I think I have tasted...the rainbow! Lift me rainbow! Lift me to where all the kittens go!" you say wistfully.
Behind you, a certain rainbow daredevil just stares at you for that,
"Uh, ew? Dude, that's just weird." When you ignore her, she began to point at you, facing her friends, twirling a hoof over her ear with another hoof, "It's like that weirdo has never eaten cake before." she says.
"Rainbow!" Twilight scolds.
Suddenly, just as quickly as the euphoria came, it disappears. With all the blood sugar finally crashing, you immediately black out and crash face first into the floor, Only to jerk back awake with a start.
"How?! What?!" you blurt, "What was THAT?!"
That shouldn't have happened. Your body resists toxins, so of course you shouldn't even black out even for a second! Did they put legitimate poison in it? But even that wouldn't work if it's meant for normal ponies... A thought suddenly makes you freeze in place. Oh, Chrysalis! Do they know you are changeling, and they got poison made specifically for you?!
"What was in that?!" you shout at Pinkie.
"Sugar!" Pinkie smiles.
"Really? Really?! Just sugar?" you question.
"Weeeell..." Pinkie says, "I actually ran out of most of the sugar making the other sweets for the party before I could get to your cake. I was super-worried at first at not having a cake for the pony of honor and was about to run to the store to buy more when I overheard a donkey and a unicorn sneaking in the alleyway behind Sugarcube Corner. They were saying something about how their boss would give them a necktie if they messed up which doesn't sound too bad as who doesn't like neckties?" she says as she points at your red tie and continues, "But when I said Hi to them, they both ran away and accidentally dropped a packet of sugar which was just enough for me to finish your cake!"
You, Twilight, and Rainbow look at her in disbelief before you speak up,
"Uh Pinkie... I think that was Cocaine you put in my cake."
"WHAT?!!!" Pinkie screams in disbelief.
"Yeah judging from their behavior they were probably drug mules-"
"But they weren't mules, they were a donkey and a unicorn." Pinkie counters.
"It's just a term. Also, that 'Necktie' they were talking about is probably that cartel execution method w-hmph." you start to explain before Twilight quickly shoves a hoof into your mouth.
"Oh no! What have I done?!" Pinkie cries as her mane deflates, "I brought drugs into a house with babies! I'm the worst pony ever!" Pinkie starts to cry before the rest of the Mane 6 comfort her.
"There there Pinkie." Fluttershy comforts.
"Yes darling, you didn't know any better." Rarity adds.
"Don't worry Pinkie, I'll send a letter to Celestia to ensure you don't get into any trouble." Twilight says, "With the proper techniques, the Cocaine could be extracted from the cake and tracked to its point of orig-"
*thud*
The ponies all turn and see that you have crashed face-first into the ground again after having another bite of cake.
"Mr. DeWitt!" Twilight yells, "Why would you knowingly eat a drugged cake?!"
"What? Cake is cake." you obliviously respond as you think, Besides, I'm toxin-resistant anyway. as you get up and are about to take another bite of cake when Twilight uses her magic to take the cake away from you,
"Hey!" you exclaim as Twilight rolls her eyes in annoyance.
"I'll give it to the Mayor with the appropriate forms so the Royal Guard can process it." Twilight says as she levitates the cake away and heads towards the Mayor.
"Um... should Mr. DeWitt see a Doctor." Fluttershy meekly suggests.
"Nah, drug resistance is one of the things we're born wi- I mean it's what the H- Gah, Organization trained us in. I could take a whole bottle of these babies without ODing." you boast as you hold up and shake one of your Painkiller Bottles for emphasis.
The others look at you in concern and are about to say something when...
Pinkie Pie asks what your favorite cake is and you reply the Tomato Soup Cake. Twilight comments how it's a recipe by author Silver Path and according to her personal journals, Silver wrote some of her most famous poems while baking that cake.
Specifically, you say you like it triple-layered, without the raisins and nuts, covered in ALOT of cream cheese frosting, and it tastes like carrot cake and cream cheese frosting with an aftertaste of creamy tomato basil soup.
"Out of curiosity, what's your favorite type of cake?" Pinkie asks, having been cheered up and is now in your personal space again.
"That's easy, Tomato Soup Cake." you reply.
"Tomato Soup what?" Rainbow Dash asks in disbelief.
"Tomato Soup Cake?!" Twilight exclaims in excitement as she rejoins you and the others, "You've also read Silver Path's work?"
"Silver who?" you ask.
"Oh you know, Silver Path."
Everypony (and you) just look at her in confusion,
"The writer, poet, and and novelist?"
"..."
"Author of The Bell Jar, Ariel, and countless acclaimed poems?"
"...."
"Won the Ponyitzer Prize for The Collected Poems?"
"..."
"The mother of confessional poetry?!" she repeats with more exasperation before pointing at you, "You of all ponies should know who she is because her personal journals said that she wrote the poem Death & Company while baking a Tomato Soup Cake."
"In all honesty, I first stumbled across the recipe in some old books while looking for something else in Manehattan and baked it cause I just happened to have all the ingredients at the saf- I mean motel. Personally, I prefer it triple-layered, minus the nuts and raisins, and buried with ALOT of cream cheese frosting."
"So what does it taste like?" Pinkie asks.
"Carrot cake and cream cheese frosting with an aftertaste of creamy tomato basil soup. Although I also wouldn't say no to a cookies and cream cheesecake with buttercream frosting."
You're about to continue the conversation when you noticed that Berry Punch has somehow set up a bar in the corner with a wide array of drinks and some other ponies are already gathered there.
In order to get on everyling's good side again, you decide to order drinks for the Elements. You remember all the different drinks you learned about back at the hive and the personalities that usually drink them, so you use that knowledge...only for it not to be true for most the mares.
You then enter a drinking contest with some of the more daring Mares, like Rainbow Dash, Vinyl Scratch, and Berry Punch, who keeps asking about your bottle of wine. But yeah, with your tolerance you think you'll win, but Pinkie keeps holding on, and it gets to the point where your tongue burns.
Deciding to earn favor with the mares who could crush you like an ant if you mess this up you head over to the bar,
"Would you ladies like some drinks?" you offer.
"I thought you said you weren't much of a drinker." Twilight point out.
"Key word being 'much'." you respond, "I'm not one of those smug Straight Edgers."
With some reservations the Elements take you up on your offer and join you at the bar.
"Hey Berry Punch, try not to make too much of a mess this time or the Cakes won't let you set up a bar here anymore." Pinkie warns.
"I won't. Another chocolate milk?" Berry Punch responds to Pinkie before asking you.
"Actually I'll get..."
As you think of what to order you get a flashback...
BACK AT THE CHANGELING HIVE
You find yourself in a classroom as the changeling in front (Lieutenant "Dalmore " 64) goes over information on the chalkboard,
"Alright drones, Today's lesson is 'The Language of the Bottle'. As you may already know, many ponies consume alcohol to achieve a state of intoxication that they refer to as being 'drunk', 'smashed', 'hammered' or 'pissed'. Due to our natural toxin-resistant physiology, we are incapable of reaching this intoxication so our main use for this liquid is for blending in or interrogations (which will be covered by Captain 24 ("Ask Hard") next week). Choose your drink carefully as your choice of drink makes a statement about you. The wrong drink at the wrong location can blow your cover just as much as not having a proper disguise. On this chalkboard, I have listed some common alcoholic beverages and what each one says. I will be conducting some very important research so don't bother me. Everything you need to know for the test at the end of this lesson is on this board so read carefully."
With that he leaves the room with 3 bottles in paper bags. On the board it reads;
REMEMBER: Even if you don't like it, POKER FACE IS KEY!
-Tequila: "Please validate that I'm cool."
-Jager: "I also need validation but Tequila tastes super gross."
-Martini: "I'm a smooth suave pony of mystery."
NOTE: Works better with a tuxedo
-Vodka with soda/juice: "I'm just trying to get drunk."
-Vodka with Energy Drink: "I'm just trying to get DRUNKER THAN ANYPONY'S EVER BEEN IN THEIR ENTIRE LIFE!"
-Cape Codder: "I'm a nice lady."
-Vodka: "I'm from Stalliongrad."
-Light Beer: "I'm here to party."
-Regular Beer: "I'm here to have a good time."
-Fancy Beer: "What am I even doing here..."
-Whisky: This is unusual as even though there are multiple types of whisky that all taste the same, ponies treat them as extremely different just because of where they were brewed;
-Scotch (Trottingham Highlands): "Look at how mysterious and sophisticated I am."
-Bourbon (Mustangia): "I'm a hard-boiled tough pony."
-Moonshine (Homemade): "I'm a hick y'all!"
-Whisky (No ice): "I'm going though a REALLY tough time..."
-Any Fancy Cocktail: "I'm interesting."
-Gin & Tonic: "I'm boring. Don't hang out with me."
-Bloody Mary: "I'm hungover, Ow..."
-Wine: "I'm high class and snooty."
NOTE: Extra snooty-ness if you start babbling stuff about age, palate profiles, and finishes.
-Champagne: "I got money to flash!"
-Brandy: "I am an intellectual you simpleton."
-Rum: "Yo ho ho!"
-Ramune: "I'm an otaku desu-san."
-Sake: "I'm Neighponese."
-White Cowcasian: "I have seen 'The Big Lecowski' a dozen times, Man."
-Old Fashioned: "I never miss an episode of 'Mad Mares'."
-Ginger Ale: "I don't drink but I want to look like I do."
-Club Soda: "Must... Stay... On... Wagon..."
-Coffee: "Must... Stay... Awake..."
NOTE: Like a lesser form of the Bourbon answer if Coffee is ordered "Black"
-Milk: 50/50 chance between "I'm a big wienie." or "I will WRECK you if you try something."
-Water: "I'm only here cause I'm bucking flying tonight."
-Poko: "BUCK YOU LIVER!!!"
BACK TO NOW
You've never liked the taste of alcohol, but your main disguise drink when you were with the Hive has always been choking down a "Gin & Tonic" due to the boring vibes of the drink keeping other ponies away, allowing you to blend in unnoticed more. However, seeing how you're trying to make yourself seem friendly...
"Get a brandy for Twilight, moonshine for Applejack, a Cape Codder for Rarity, light beer for Pinkie, Jager shots for Rainbow Dash (and keep em coming), water for Fluttershy, and I'll have a Beer." you tell the bartender as you point to each of the mares.
As the 6 look at you in various expressions of amazement and confusion, the bartender asks,
"Alright, but what kind of beer?"
"Huh?" you ask in confusion.
"I mean you got ale, lager, stou-"
"Stout." you reply. You figure if stouts are good enough for The Broomdock Saints and the Kingstallions then it must have something to it.
"Oooo, just like what Lyra usually and Octavia occasionally gets." Pinkie comments.
"Aw yeah, keep em comin!" Rainbow Dash says in approval.
"Actually, I don't drink and I have a long night planned studying some long-lost Saddle Arabain scrolls so I'll just have coffee with cream and sugar please." Twilight says to the bartender.
"Thanks partner, but I have work in the morning as well so I'll just have an apple cider." Applejack adds.
"I appreciate the gesture darling, but I just had a long day and require something stronger. Make that a Cosmopolitan, Berry Punch dear. Oh, and don't skimp on the vodka or triple sec." Rarity says.
"Blagh. Light beer tastes bad. I'll have a strawberry milk cause it's pink like cotton candy or me or-."
"Um... I'll just have an iced tea, if you don't mind that is..." Fluttershy says shyly before suddenly lightly glaring at Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie, "A normal iced tea." this causes Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie to look sheepish at that (3).
"Fine by me, I'm still treating anyway." you shrug as you pay while mentally lamenting,
D'oh! I only got 1 out of 6!
60 Bits remaining
As everypony's order arrives, you take a mouthful of the stout only to instantly regret it as the taste of bitter alcohol with hints of burnt barely and black coffee hits your tongue.
Cruel Chrysalis, what was I thinking?! you mentally complain as your face scrunches up in disgust for a moment, but you quickly manage to reestablish your changeling poker face as you ask,
"So... The girls tell me you had front row seats to that craziness at the wedding."
This causes the Elements to start talking about the Canterlot Wedding (and filling you in on details you missed out on). You manage to choke down the stout as the mares tell their side of the story and you don't think you can take any more when your almost half-empty glass triggers a memory of when you went undercover at Pranceton University (you forgot the exact details, but you do remember you were minoring in Liberal Arts, were involved in a wild party, and got kicked out for poor grades and relying way too much on college movie cliches before you could complete your mission... whatever it was) and saw some frat-colts chugging a unique cocktail.
"Can I please get a shot glass filled with half cream and half Scotch?" you ask Berry Punch before asking the mares.
"So... what would you guys do if there was a changeling in Ponyville? You know, just out of curiosity?"
"Well we would alert the proper authorities as outlined in-"
"We'd pound the slime out of the roach until he squeals what his evil plans are!" Rainbow Dash exclaims causing Fluttershy to comment,
"Um Rainbow, that sounds really violent."
"Exactly!" Rainbow Dash responds before downing another Jager shot
"Ooookaaaay..." you say in barely-concealable terror as you scoot away from Rainbow Dash, but fortunately you see Berry Punch approaching with the shot glass, and just in time.
"-Excuse me." you interrupt as Berry Punch hooves you the shot glass which you proceed to drop into your stout and chug the concoction down in a second. It still tasted bitter, but the cream makes it more tolerable before you slam the glass onto the bar and declare,
"And that, is how you make and chug a Trottingham Carriage Bomb."
Rainbow Dash and Vinyl give an impressed whistle while Octavia shoots you an upset glare. (4)
"For somepony who doesn't drink you sure can hold your liquor." Berry Punch comments.
You just shrug and smirk under your scarf.
"How bout we really get this party started with a shots battle!" Vinyl exclaims.
"Vinyl-" Octavia tries to object when Rainbow Dash interrupts,
"I'm in! Bring it on!"
"Rainbow, you just had 7-" Fluttershy tries to warn in concern when she's also interrupted.
"What the hay, I'm in." Berry Punch adds.
Sensing this is getting out of hoof you try to calm things down,
"Uh, let's not be too hast-"
"Oooo a contest! I'll join! Pick me! Pick me!" Pinkie joins in excitedly.
Seeing how you're clearly outvoted and need to be on good terms with these ponies you say,
"Fine. Loser pays for the winner's drinks in addition to their own."
Eh, with my Changeling physiology it can't be that ba-
MANY SHOTS OF JAGER, TEQUILA, AND VODKA LATER
Cruel Chrysalis, it's even worse than that bad!
Now it's down to you, Berry Punch, and Pinkie Pie as Bulk "Snowflake" Biceps, Rainbow Dash, and Vinyl "DJ PON-3" Scratch have all dropped out (literally) in that order. Applejack and Fluttershy are currently tending to a passed out Rainbow Dash, Bulk's little brother Featherweight is guiding some of the stallions in helping to carrying Bulk home, and Octavia walked Vinyl home.
You can't feel your tongue or throat anymore and are about to just throw in the towel when you notice a bottle that triggers your instincts. Deciding to end this you ask Berry Punch,
"Would you kindly get me that bottle right there?"
"This one?" she says as she hooves over the bottle and you read the label to see that it's Absinthe.
"Perfect, thanks." you say as you proceed to unscrew the bottle and chug/choke down the contents in one long pull before smashing the bottle on the bar much to the shock of everypony in the bar. You would have smirked at seeing Pinkie's mane deflate for a second in shock, but mentally you're too busy going,
GRAHHHHH!!! I THINK MY MOTHERBUCKING TONGUE BURNED CLEAN OFF!!!
Pinkie Pie and Berry Punch look at each other in disbelief before the latter says,
"At this rate I'll probably end up blowing all my profit on this contest so I'm out."
"Yeah, I got chores in the morning so I better stop too." Pinkie adds.
"In that case, ahem... Ritz DeWitt wins! Flawless victory! Bottle-ality!" you announce, "Wait, they're still paying for me even though they left, right?"
"I'll put it on their tabs." Berry Punch replies.
The CMC's older sisters give you a gift box at the party for saving their little sisters.
After the party, go to the CMC clubhouse and have a smoke before going to sleep in the outpost (upper building part of the Clubhouse with the telescope)
"Oh, before ah forget. Me and my friends got something for ya. As thanks for saving Apple Bloom and her friends." Applejack says as she hooves you a present with striped light blue wrapping paper and a red ribbon.
"Oh please, with the breakfast and the party you've already paid me back more than enouuuuuu-"
Your voice trails off as you open the gift to reveal,
"N-no gorram way! Are these actual Multi-Vision Goggles like in Splinter Unit!"
"Actually they were my old night-vision goggles before I had Dr. Time Turner take a look at them and he made all sorts of changes to them."(5)
"I was gonna git ya a bottle of Sweet Apple Acres award-winning Apple Pie liqueur, but Berry Punch told us you ain't much of a drinker." Applejack adds.
"You could have fooled me." Twilight comments.
"Rainbow Dash suggested the goggles seeing how you have bad ponies after you." Fluttershy says as she tends to the passed out Rainbow Dash.
As you put the goggles on, Pinkie starts to elaborate,
"Time Turner said he modified these goggles with highly-concentrated plexiglass and some other stuff to make them shatter-proof, waterproof, fireproof, acidproof, magic resistant, and it has three vision modes; Night vision."
"Oooo night-visiony." you comment as you look around in Night Vision before Pinkie presses a button on the side of your goggles that makes everything into orange and yellow blobs on a blue background.
"Heat vision."
"Hey Pinkie, I think you left the oven on-"
Before you could finish your statement, Pinkie pushes the button again turning everypony into skeletons.
"And X-ray vi-"
"Gah! Zombies! Aquila Talon!" you declare as you deploy the hookblade upon seeing all the skeletons in the room before Twilight uses her magic to take the goggles off your face in bemusement.
"Sorry." you say sheepishly as you retract the hookblade.
“Also, they retract!” she says before she pushes another button which cause the goggle lens to retract into a form that you can easily slide under your hat.
"Nice, but don't all these upgrades seem... excessive?"
"Time Turner has always loved science. Almost as much as he loves that disappearing blue booth." Rarity says, "Now if only I could get him to throw away that garish scarf."
"Plus these goggles are perfect for surprise parties!" Pinkie adds.
"I-I don't know what to say..." you say, moved.
"Think nothing of it."
"Multi-Vision Goggles"
added to your person
"Well the party seems to be winding down and the sun's setting so I'll make my exit." you say as you start towards the door.
"Wait, where are you staying?" Twilight asks.
"At the Cutie Mark Crusader Clubhouse, outpost floor."
"Shoot, that ain't necessary. You can just stay at my pla-" Applejack offers
"I don't want to trouble you. Besides, the girls offered that I can sleep in the clubhouse and it would be rude not to accept their offer. Thank you for the party." you say and you turn to leave when.
"Wait, before you go here are some goodies for the road." Pinkie says and suddenly you find yourself holding a trio of cupcakes and a carton of chocolate milk.
"Thank you." you say as you put the treats away, tip your hat, and leave.
1 Tall Carton of Chocolate Milk
3 Cupcakes
added to Inventory
"Bring it on you roaches- Zzzzzz..."
"Hey Twilight, do you still have that spell that can cure hangovers?"
As you leave Sugarcube Corner your mind starts to wander. Before you were just a loyal drone serving the Hive. To you, ponies were nothing but a source of sustenance and entertainment at best, but now that you've experienced pony friendship and kindness first-hoof, you can feel your worldview changing.
I was just a total stranger and yet they treat me warmly and give me a party and gifts. If this is what ponies are like to strangers, then maybe- NO! They were only rewarding me for saving their young. You're. A. Changeling! You're the enemy! If your cover was blown, they wouldn't think twice about throwing you into a dark cell. Or would they...
Confused by this conflict, you give out an exasperated cry,
"Gah! This is all so confusing! Maybe things will make more sense after dinner and a smoke." you say to yourself as you take out and start ronching on a sugarcube as you continue onwards.
When you arrive at the clubhouse and proceed to head straight up to the outpost. After using the telescope to carefully check for any ponies nearby before quadruple-checking with all 3 vision modes of your new goggles, you thankfully see that the coast is clear and proceed to remove your suit, hat, and scarf before you start eating the cupcakes and chocolate milk. Unfortunately the alcohol has greatly dulled your sense of taste so you can barely taste the pastries even as you wash it down with the carton of chocolate milk.
Retrieving the Gold Lighter and Gold Cigarette Case from your dress-shirt breast pocket, a thought comes to you. Seeing how you're overlooking Ponyville from a high point while wearing a loose dress-shirt and tie and about to light up puts you in a bit of a Private Eye Mood. Adjusting Narration style accordingly.
With your meal more finished than a zombie with a lit stick of dynamite jammed into it's skull, you proceed to dessert. You flick open the gleaming chest that is the Gold Cigarette Case and invite one of the smokin vixens over for an intimate dance. Slim figure, snow white skin, cherry-vanilla lips, just as you remembered her. Pulling her into a kiss, you take out the Gold Lighter and breathe the flame of life into her as you take a deep breath-
"*cough cough COUGH* My lungs! *hack*"
Only for the moment to be ruined like a celebrity's career after an offhoof species-ist remark as you feel a fog pounding your lungs from the inside like it was pizza dough. Even with your throat and tongue fresh from a tag-team beatdown by the Ethanol super-team of Jager, Tequila, Vodka, and Absinthe, they do nothing to ease the inferno in your lungs.
"I don't remember smoking being like this! Cruel Chrysalis, maybe those ponies are right about smoking!"
...
"But just to be sure..."
Risking another kiss with the exotic smokey mistress Shi Bàng, you brace yourself for the smoky firestorm to come only for it to stand you up like a fratcolt. Your changeling physiology kicking in like a Big Darn Heroes moment, you instead feel the faint taste of cherry-vanilla through your alcohol-beaten tounge. As the nicotine takes hold like a seductive demon's caress, you feel your anxieties lowering like a tide and your mood improves. As you continue to puff away like a steamboat, you begin to reflect on the day's events.
That morning you were face-to-faces with the 6 Mares who could tear through a platoon of your changeling brothers like a slasher's machete through a promiscuous teen's spine, and that evening you were attending a party being thrown for you, a complete stranger. Given how Fortuna's normally giving you the cold shoulder at best and a knee of misery to the nards other times for most of your life, perhaps she's throwing some pity change in your direction for once.
Finishing your nicotine-aided meditation, you throw the death stick out the window like it was a mook in an action flick and you cover yourself with the Used Blanket like a... well, a blanket before tuning out for the night. Perhaps Fortuna's pity streak will continue on.
19 "Cherry-Vanilla scented/flavored Cigarettes"
0 Cupcakes
0 Tall Cartons of Chocolate Milk
remaining
THE NEXT MORNING Narration Style Returning to Default
The next morning you wake up and actually have a headache, meaning you over did your drinking to the point of actual intoxication. You facehoove at this
You feel the gentle warmth of the sun the next morning... immediately followed by the very un-gentle feeling of your head pounding.
"Blargh..." you moan as you get up clutching your pounding head, Guess even changelings can still get hangovers if they drink enough...
"What was I thinking? *smack*" you lament before facehoofing... and promptly making your headache alot worse.
"OOWWWW!!!"
With that in mind, you proceed to activate Aquila Talon and use the hookblade to open up a Can of Apple Slices for your breakfast and use the syrup to wash down a hoofful of painkillers (a third of the Bottle) as you don't want to use up love/food energy for healing unless necessary. This seems to do the trick as your headache disappears a few minutes later.
6 "Cans of Apple Slices"
2 & 2/3 "Bottles of Painkillers"
remaining
As you put your suit, scarf, and hat back on, you decide to head into town to see how everypony else has fared after the party. After getting lost and asking for directions you approach the tree library and say to yourself,
"A library that doubles as a tree? What's next? A crystal castle in the middle of-urk!"
You promptly freeze in your tracks as you see Twilight Sparkle, talking with 7 battered Royal Guards. The ponies whose flanks who kicked back at the castle!
"So you're saying there's an entire changeling platoon in the abandoned castle?" you hear Twilight ask in concern.
"Y-yeah!" Lieutenant Gorman answers, "We fought as bravely as we could, but those roaches overwhelmed us with pure numbers! We were lucky to escape with our lives!"
Resisting the urge to yell 'Liar, liar, fancy pants on fire', you realize this is BAD. Those Royal Guards were in the castle roughly before you rescued those fillies from the Chimera. and seeing how you also used your hookblade bracer and Bowler Hat on them and told Twilight that story about you being an ex-member of an 'organization', it won't take long for somepony like Twilight to put nine-times-seven together when she thinks long enough about all that information to blow your cover sky high! Taking all this into account, you mange to think of a classic well-thought-out plan,
With that you proceed to start running for your life towards the Ponyville exit, not noticing Mayor Mare running over to Twilight and telling her about a mysterious hooded figure causing a magical disturbance...
OUTSKIRTS OF PONYVILLE
After getting lost and running into a few walls in panic, you eventually make it near the outskirts of Ponyville. As you run, you suddenly hear a scream and see Twilight Sparkle flying past you overhead.
At first you think she has gained the ability to fly, but you immediately dismiss that as preposterous. Unicorns can't fly-
*SMACK* "Ow."*flop*
Not looking where your going due to Twilight's flight, you run head-on into something hard and get knocked to the ground by your own momentum. After shaking your head clear, you open your eyes and see that Ponyville has been trapped inside a giant glass dome! Looking to your left, you see the Elements of Harmony and... a small purple dragon? On one side of the dome while Twilight is stuck on the outside.
Seeing how you're now trapped in a town with a squad of Royal Guard with every reason for squishy payback AND a mysterious force that can even best Celestia's protege, you can only think of one thing to say,
"DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMEE!!!"
WHAT DO YOU DO?
(1) As a changeling operative, you have been to other parties, but your memories are still rebooting. You just woke up from a month-long nap a couple days ago after all. Naturally the only party the Hive had was the Queen's birthday.
(2) Wrong element as the real Element of Generosity was making a spa appointment with Lotus Blossom and Aloe at the moment.
(3) Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie once tricked Fluttershy into drinking a Short Island Iced Tea. The exact details are fuzzy, but 2 days later, the local zoo animals had been set free, some Griffin hunters woke up in a hospital with broken arms, legs, and wings, a few photos were still out there in spite of Celestia, Luna, and Shining Armor's efforts, and Fluttershy was nursing a massive hangover.
(4) The "Trottingham Carriage Bomb" was named so by some fratcolts who thought they were being clever because it was a Bomb Shot with 2/3 of the ingredients being from Trottingham (Scotch and Stout) and Trottingham had an incident centuries ago where a mad bomber set off carriages full of explosives around the city. Much like how you should never order an "Irish Car Bomb" in Ireland, you shouldn't order a "Trottingham Carriage Bomb" in Trottingham or around ponies from there.
(5) Unlike Doctor Horse who is an actual medical Doctor, Time Turner aka Doctor Hooves/Doctor Whooves has multiple Ph.D degrees in various fields of Science.
Current Loadout:
On your person:
-Saddlebags (Size of a small closet on the inside)
-47 Suit (Black suit and pants, white cuff shirt, red tie)
-Gold Fountain Pen
-Gold Cigarette Case with 19 Cherry-Vanilla scented/flavored Cigarettes
-Gold Lighter
-Red scarf (Covers the lower half of your face)
-Bowler Hat (Reinforced, fireproof, waterproof, acidproof, magic resistant, and magically modified to stay on your head unless physically taken or knocked off)
-Multi-Vision Goggles (Can be set to "Night-Vision", "Thermal/Heat Vision", and "X-Ray" modes. Shatterproof, waterproof, fireproof, acidproof, magic resistant, and can retract the lens so they can easily be slid under your hat)
-"Ace of Spades" card (In hatband on side of hat)
-Metallic gold wristband on left arm with engravings of a lion and an eagle on it.
-Aquila Talon: Name and trigger phrase that causes the wristband to transform into a bracer with a deployable hidden hookblade (blade part is dull so you can't cut anything) that also can act as a grappling hook.
In Saddlebag:
-Vino Collection 982 Wine
-Large can of beans (dented)
-Box of Sweet Chariot sugarcubes
-52 Deck of Cards
-4 Thundercloud Orbs (Basically a hybrid of a flashbang and smoke grenade as it releases a brief blinding flash of lightning, a deafening crack of thunder, and a grey cloud)
-"The Dao of the River" book
-"Doctor's Note" (Explains why you have pure blue eyes and need to wear clothes constantly)
-Used Blanket
-2 Rolls of Duct Tape
-2 Cans of WD-40
-2&2/3 Bottles of Painkillers (While you can consume food or love for the energy to heal, your changeling physiology means you can take a whole bottle without ill effects and thus can use it to help you ignore serious injuries and keep pushing forward if you don't have enough love or food to heal)
-5 Bottles of Orange-Cream Energy Shots (Keeps normal ponies hyper-actively awake and alert for 5 hours before a sleepy crash, but for Changelings it just jolts them awake)
-6 Cans of Apple Slices
-7 Boxes of Ritz Crackers
-7 Jars of Chocolate Peanut Butter
-7 Cans of Cream of Potato Soup
-60 Bits (For the sake of storytelling, 1 Equestrian Bit is equal to $2 American dollars)
Abilities:
-Chain Punch
-Short-Mid range "Force Pull" that requires focus and can only affect objects that you can normally lift/push physically (meaning "Force Pull" will not work on objects that would normally be too heavy, stuck, or large for you to physically lift, carry, or pull yourself)
-Can heal instantly, but requires burning through alot of either your food or love supplies (requires less love than food). The more severe the fatigue or injury, the more food you need to consume first.
-Can't fly.
-Can walk on walls and some ceilings
-Disguise only lasts a few seconds at most.
-Knack for “Hide and Seek” and general stealth
-Being a big film and serial buff
That's right commenters. Even though he doesn't know it, Ritz has just found himself in the "Magic Duel" (Season 3, Episode 5) episode. Yes, officially this timeline is after "Keep Calm and Flutter On", but for the sake of story-telling here we are. Will you be trapped by canon, or will you use common sense and your new skills and equipment to set things right?
YOU DECIDE!!!
However, there are some ground rules;
1. No killing or crippling. Even though this fic is rated "T", let's at least try to more-or-less stay with the spirit of the canon show if possible.
2. Even though this is after "Keep Calm and Flutter On", Discord is unavailable, Princess Celestia is in Saddle Arabia, and with Spike inside the dome with the rest of the entrapped Ponyville, don't expect any outside help anytime soon.
3. if you're wondering where those 7 Royal Guards are now, just remember;
3a. Trixie has an evil artifact giving her alicorn-level powers
3b. The Equestrian Royal Guard aren't exactly SEAL Team 6.
You can do the math. Feel free to show the aftermath of the 'fight'.
4. Don't expose Ritz as a changeling.
Other than that have fun.
And the answer to the question "Who is the coolest smoker in fiction?
The Coolest Smoker is the Sheriff of Fable Town Himself, Bigby Wolf. (From the Comic Fables, and the Tell Tale Game, The Wolf Among Us)
The Big Bad Wolf constantly has a Huff and Puff in his mouth since he's a Quasi-Immortal being who has to keep other Fables in line. And there's a reason all the others fear him. He's a Bad Ass MoFo. Being a wolf, his nose is much stronger than normal, even in human form, so he's constantly puffing on his Cigs to mask all the scents of our world more bearable. But he looks cool as hell doing so.
it was a tough call between him and Big Boss (Metal Gear Solid series) but ultimately I'm giving the edge to Bigby Wolf for having a practical reason for smoking. Congratulations BrownDog77.
Today's question is,
What city should Ritz go to next?
Seeing how it's a comment-driven story, it's unlikely that Ritz will stay in Ponyville forever so where else should he go?
The restriction on this question is that you can only select from canonical places in Equestria like on this map (Link here if image doesn't work);
Have fun choosing!
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Flirt with Trixie.
As you look at the large dome you see a small crack you think you could use to break through
Ritz can sense something strange about the strange dome around Ponyville. First of all, it was not like the shield when they attacked Canterlot, this was a little more powerfull but also seemed strange. He was trained for many situation but trapped under a strange giant magical dome was not one of them.
As most of ponyville seems to panic or go to a site, Ritz sits down and begin to think, that is until a pony in the street grab him. Ritz look at the pony that wear a hood a little confused.
"Gah, were are you taking me?" Ask surprised Ritz
"Ssshhh" Answer the pony silencing him
They begin to walk for some streets until they stop in what seems a abandoned house, the garden full of weeds and the door hanging mainly by miracle. As Ritz and the other pony walk inside, they stop in what seems a dining hall, the only room of the house that seems to be without dust, in there, other hooded ponies are waiting.
"What is this? Some secret society?" Ask Ritz
"We are, the ********* (Can't think a name, I leave it to whoever want to put) we are those that think about the problems in ponyville and try to put a end of them... Even if the normal usually is that Twilight Sparkle or her friends usually resolve the problems... When a disaster hit ponyville, we join together here to think about a solution, instead of begin to panic like other ponies" Comment another hooded pony
"So... Why i'm here?" Ask Ritz
"You are here because we want you to join us, we think that you can help us with the disaster and for one, take the disaster by ourselves, before Twilight Sparkle manage to take the point" Say one of the hooded ponies
At first, Ritz was excited by the idea, it was not like the hive, but it seemes pretty organized and it could be of help.
A little time later
Ritz hopes collapsed, it was obvious the great fail of the plan, Ritz listened about situations like this, when in the past, the queen give too much power of decision to the commandants of the army and there was too much commandants, because of that and because there was no leader, the commandants fighted between them too much about the plans before go to fight. Because of that, everything was dragged as everyling put their ideas together, but that was not only the plan, some ideas were crazy, some other ideas were brilliant, but no one dared to be the great hero. In all the time, he managed to find some of the members did their own groups.
First of them was the group compromised by three mares called the flower trio, it seems that the city think of them as very coward, but that was because at the very first sign of a problem, they run to the hideout for reunions.
There was also another group with a strange brown earth pony that have a hourglass cutie mark and a gray pegasus with a strange problem in the eye, it seemed that the stallion did not like to be in there, but somehow was dragged by the gray mare, as she was eating a great quantity of muffins. Even when he was not there, his ideas seemed to be very good, but because there was too little ponies in his side, most of his ideas seemed to be rejected, he also complained to the gray pegasus about some strange things about time errors and things like that but the pegasus seemed to think that the muffins were more important.
Other members still did not take their hoods and some of them seemed to don't like to be in groups or Ritz know of them.
------------------
If it's too crazy I edit and put another thing... But the idea is that, a group of ponies that try to take the disasters of Ponyville.
If you think about other members, you can add them.
Also, I suggest Canterlot, Ritz could try to find information about where the ponies put the other changelings. If exist info, must be in there.
he should go to the hayseed swamps
Piggy-backing on Kichi's comment, I feel like the secret society members should be the background mane six (Lyra, Bonbon, Vinyl, Octavia, Derpy, and Doctor Whooves) Maybe call themselves the Secret Six (Seven if you join) Have Doctor Whooves complain about this entire event happening out of proper order in the timeline.
As for where to go next? How about a trip to Manehattan. He could meet Coco Pommel or maybe even Cheese Sandwich
6502019 I edited a little in suggestion to Kersey suggesting me to put the flower trio, but the other six, could be another part of the group like the flower trio. Also I added the doctor thanks to your idea (I could only think that as a reason because the doctor could be in there and at the same time complaining) but the other six I leave it to you or kersey.
Hide, and watch for the time being, until you get a better understanding of the picture (and how to get under that dome).
Applewood. I don't think we've been there yet.
You see a blue unicorn with a silver mane barking orders...and she's kind of hot. She effortlessly beats the guards without even breaking a sweat, and cruelly malforms all of the Elements left. You don't even know how the Pink one is even still alive without her snout. But seeing as how she is warping reality as you know it and has single hoofidly defeated all of the elements, there is only one thing to do.
Defect! Defect to the winning side before you die!
"Mistress! I am your humble servant. I will do your bidding! What do you ask of me my goddess" you humbly bow before her.
Others look at you in shock,
A part of you really can't help it. It's Changeling instinct after all to serve the most powerful Queen available. And right now, it's that mare. Before you can take it back however, everypony chides you.
"Ritz! What the buck man?!" shouts Rainbow Dash.
"You horrendous traitor!" chides Rarity.
"Why you little..." Applejack grinds her teeth.
"Why would you do this?" pouts Fluttershy.
"Mmmm mmm mm m!" Pinkie tries to say with no mouth.
but you can't help it. Some subconscious part of you has recognized this Blue Mare as the new Queen, and opposing her would mean death. But if you're on her side then you'll be on good terms.
Trixie looks taken aback by this at first before smirking seeing all the reactions from the Elements.
"See now Ponyville, take cues from this dashing stallion. Resistance is futile. It's best to worship the Great and Powerful Trixie without delay!" she says with glowing red eyes before offering you a hoof up.
"What is your name slave?"
"Ritz DeWitt ma'am, and might I just say, that you are the most beautiful and powerful usurper I've ever met," you flirt, hoping to get in her good books.
"Oh ho ho," she chuckles with a blush, "Flattery will get you everywhere. In fact, you're my new captain," she then turns to the beaten Royal Gaurds," you 6, follow his every command! You all work for me now!"
"Yes ma'am!" the beaten guards salute.
"Now Mr. DeWitt," she says turning to you, "I will be refurbishing City Hall to better suit my needs, so I want you to oversee these worthless maggots as they build a statue in my image and then report back to me, got it?" she commands.
"Yes my Queen," you say before you start barking orders to all the ponies.
"My my my, I can't believe my immediate luck...then again was there any doubt?" Trixie says to herself.
The ponies obey your commands but everyone gives you the stink eye as they start building the statue.
What? I'm your enemy stupid ponies. And so is this Trixie. And the enemy of my enemy is my friend. Plus I'm a bucking captain now, woohoo!
"Mmmmmm mmm mmm mm..." mumbles a teary eyed Pinkie as the Elements eye you again.
You smirk and give them a wink to which they look puzzled at.
You then whisper, "Trust me on this, A good gambler always has an ace in the hole, I'll keep her distracted" you tell them.
Then as captain you go about making sure no one is given an unfair job. Even those forced to make the statues, you make sure they are builders and sculptors and are given breaks and water regularly. Essentially, the town runs normally despite being Under the Dome.
When the main Lieutenant from the castle seems suspicious about your eyes and hat, so you say to Trixie.
"Ma'am, the Lieutenant is lazy, permission to demote him?"
"What?!" he cries.
"Permission Granted. What's the matter you lazy bum, think you're too good to serve Mr. Dewitt, huh?!" she starts chastising the stallion, so you hoof a note over to Pinkie Pie which reads,
"Trust me, I got this, stick to the shadows"
Later at Night, the Mare calls you into her chambers. She wants your opinions on how best to punish two colts named Snips and Snails for their betrayal over what she calls, "The Ursa Incident."
She starts thinking about them being her throne carriers, but you suggest they be in charge of running paper work since kids hate that kind of stuff.
She likes your idea, and says
"Excellent idea. You know Mr. DeWitt, I don't think I've quite met such an understanding stallion such as yourself," she says as she rubs her side against yours and sighs.
Blushing, you quickly decide to change the subject.
"I uh, why don't we celebrate?" you say pulling out the Wine, "I have this bottle of 982 Vino Canterlot. And it's all for you my queen," you say as you hand her the bottle.
"My word, that's the fanciest thing Trixie has ever laid her eyes upon," she says in excitement as she looks to you.
"Will you be having some?" she asks.
"Uh...I'm not worthy?"
"Oh, but perhaps you are with your humility, but I shall have the first taste."
She uncorks the bottle, sniffs the aroma...and takes a big gulp.
"Oh ho ho, that is by far the best thing ever!" she cheers, taking another swig.
"I don't doubt it," you smirk. A drunk mind is a susceptible mind.
After a few more drinks, the mare is kind of loopy.
"You know, I never wanted to rule, I just wanted admiration. I was an entertainer for Celestia's sake,"
"Uh-huh"
"But that Sparkle ruined that, and threw me out of town, and Trixie did nothing wrong!"
"Uh-huh, so how do you have so much power now?"
"Oh, it's this alicorn amulet," she woozily says to you, "I found this ancient artifact, and it has finally given me the power I so rightly deserved."
She then takes another swig.
"Any weaknesses on it?"
"Only if I take it off, and only I can buhahahaha," she starts giggling, "But why would Trixie do that?"
Well that's helpful you note in your mind, before you realize that the mare has an arm over your neck.
"Say, you're such a good listener to Trixie. How would you like to have a wild ride with The Great and Powerful Trixie?" she asks slurring her words.
"I..." you gulp, before the drunk mare litterally passes out with her arm propped up on your neck.
Whew...OK, let's get you to bed drunkie, you think as you tuck her in bed.
"She's probably going to regret this in the morning," you say as you run out to relay the information you've received.
When you leave the town hall, you yell to everyone
"All clear, go home and get some sleep!"
The Elements then meet with you and you relay the information you learned.
"Wait, she's passed out drunk, why don't we just hurt her now?" asks Rainbow Dash.
You reflexively smack her across the face and yell
"Blashphemer, how dare you think that about the queen!"
The others look at you in shock and Rainbow looks like she's about ready to kill you.
"I-I mean, Sorry, force of habit. But no, I can't let you hurt a mare in her sleep, it's against my code. Besides, what are you gonna do to stop her? She'll still have the amulet on when she wakes up, and then you'll be sorry. Unless you were planning on killing her, which I can't condone."
The others nod at this and after a few more plan building, they disperse, but not before Rainbow kicks you in the nuts.
"EEEEE!!!"
"Now we're even jerk," she spits.
And for where he should go next. Obviously Cloudsdale. We have a changeling named Mr. Dewitt. We need to get him on a floating city ASAP!
Use your head.
Try to use Force Pull to take off Trixie's obviously-evil necklace to no effect.
Remembering an episode of MacAngus, you grab a quarter-full bag of Fertilizer and run to the CMC Clubhouse. You see that the empty family-sized Can of Soup is still there from your dinner last night and find some spare string and newspapers lying around. Using these items along with WD-40 and Duct Tape, you create a Makeshift Bomb
6506346
To follow that up...
One mare keeps pestering you about the work Trixie is having her do so you get fed up with it and tell her to just complain to Trixie ("It's your funeral." you mutter-snark) and she enters Town Hall to do so... only to get promptly and violently get thrown out through the window a few moments later.
Reassign Derpy to "Muffin Inspector" and the Cakes to "foal-raising". Reassignments that they are very grateful for.
Trixie wakes up the next morning with a massive hangover so you present her with an array of disgusting hangover cures. Cue the Elements using this as an opportunity for some payback by aggravating her pounding head even more by leading Ponyville in a town-wide "GOOD MORNING GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE!!!"
Naturally, all these actions are meant to ensure you come out on top regardless of whether Trixie succeeds or fails. Stacking the deck in your favor so to speak.
A fan of our great leader, Commander Firebrand, I see...