BrownDog77 comment
As you and "Queen Trixianna" sit in her chambers, she gives you an unsure look.
“Are you sure we have to go pranking? It seems somewhat juvenile,” asks Trixie.
You give her a roll of the eyes before explaining
“Look Trix, all we have to do is upset enough dogs long enough to take the crown off. Sure they’ll be mad and upset at the moment, but pranks always get laughed off after the fact. And by the time they are laughing and forgiving you, the crown will be off and we can leave.”
“That does sound logical, but then when I’m actually gone, they’ll think it’s a prank, and be even more upset when they find out it’s not,” she says.
“Well unless you have any better suggestions, I don’t see any other options. Seriously, what other way can a politician offend their constituents for a short time before they go back to not caring?”
“Hmmm… what if we preformed a minor scandal? Something low-tier that will make them upset, but won’t be bad in the long run?” she muses.
“Well that could work I suppose, what do you have in mind?” you ask as she gives you a smile as she levitates a camera out of a desk.
“Something trashy and scandalous,” she says as she walks over to you giving you a funny look.
“Like what?” you ask nervously.
“This,” she says as she suddenly wraps her arms around you and pulls your lips into hers, your eyes going wide, before being blinded by the bright flash of the camera.
“Gyagh,” you say as you pull back and rub your spotted eyes. “The heck was that?” you stammer blushing.
“Sorry, couldn’t resist the theatrics,” she says with her own blush as she takes the picture out of the camera, “And Eureka, Scandal Exhibit A.”
She shows you the picture of you two kissing, with your surprised eyes prevalent and you blush even harder.
“How is this scandalous?” you ask, storing the emotion from that kiss in your internal batteries.
“Well Ritz, how shocking would it be if 'Somepony' were to leak this photograph to the local paper of their pure and innocent queen fornicating with her own Captain of the Guard? Queen Trixianna isn’t pure nor a role model for this type of behavior, and they will lose their faith in me.”
You know where she’s going with this. Sex Scandals were a favorite tool of Changelings to disrupt the status Quo, and cause distrust, but you think it’s lacking.
“First of all, you could have asked if you wanted a kiss Trix,” she chuckles and rubs the back of her head at that, “and second this is tame compared to some of the sex scandals I’ve seen. This is just kissing,” you point out.
“Your argument is valid, but unless you wish to take more risqué photographs between the two of us, I believe this will be enough.”
“Well, no…" you stammer, "Pups could be reading,”
“My thoughts exactly, now come along, let’s go discredit myself,” she says leading the way back down stairs.
When you enter the lobby again, you voice your concerns once more.
“I still don’t think this will be enough.”
“Oh fine, you want proof, watch this,” she says as she walks over to the secretary dog (who really does need a raise) and 'Accidentally' drops the picture on his desk.
“Oh no, I 'Accidentally' dropped this picture of my sordid love affair, Oh me, Oh my…” she says in horrible acting to which you facehoof.
“Oh, don’t worry your highness, let me grab that for you,” says the secretary as he picks up the photo and hands it to her.
“There you go, nice picture by the way,” he says.
“Wh-what?” asks Trixie flabbergasted.
“The picture, it’s a nice angle,” repeats the dog.
“Are you not shocked and outraged by this photograph?” she asks.
“Um…should I be? It’s just you two kissing” he says uncertainly
“But I, the pure and noble queen have been caught having an affair with my dutiful and chaste Captain,” she says flabbergasted.
“Hey, I’m not chaste!” you say indignantly.
“But, you two are a couple right?”
“Wh-what? Why would you think that?” she asks.
“Well we found both of you together, you made him your captain, he carried you to your room after your coronation, you stick together day and night, I mean heck, the whole Kingdom thinks you’re a thing,” he explains.
“They do?” you both ask.
“Oh definitely, I ship it,” he says with a chuckle.
Both you and Trixie give each other a nervous look before quickly looking back to him.
“That’s all circumstantial,” you explain.
“Oh, well I guess it’s official now then huh? Just know that I’m so happy for the two of you,” he says before he looks down and starts getting back to work, humming happily.
You both stare at him, before you both wordlessly and walk back upstairs not looking at each other. Once back in her chambers, Trixie turns around and says,
“Agree that my plan was terrible?”
“Agreed.”
“Agree to forget about this awkward situation?” she says.
“Already forgotten.”
“Agree to prank these jump to conclusion curs like there’s no tomorrow?”
“Bring it.” you smirk.
“Good,” she nods and walks off to a big table with paper and pencils on it.
“So what kind of pranks did you have in mind Captain?” Trixie asks.
First, Trixie and Ritz decide to search for a costume for her, but nothing seems to like her majesty, so in the end she go without costume.
"Well before we can get started on any of that, it's still Nightmare Night so we need to get you in a costume."
"I would agree with you, but I left all my costumes and many of my props in my wagon at the edge of this kingdom. Speaking of which, why hasn't it been brought to the castle yet?"
"Because..." you're about to answer when you trail off as you don't really have a good reason for not getting around to moving Trixie's wagon into the castle in the month you've both been there.
"Bureaucracy?" you offer uncertainty.
Trixie just rolls her eyes,
"Fine, I'll just keep my regal cape and crown. Sometimes expediency outweighs originality."
"Actually, this may be a good thing." you realize, "Now we don't need to figure out how to smuggle something as large as your wagon out of the kingdom and it can just be waiting for us when we make our escape. Anyway, getting back on topic..."
Use gorilla glue on every chair you see :)
Nice, but you don't have glue.
Put piranhas in the bobbing for turnips. Real world piranhas, not the fictional devour any flesh in sight kind.
Too dangerous and Dimondia doesn't have a notable fishing industry anyway (outside of fishing for fun and relaxation).
Hmm, maybe he could climb up to the top of the castle, yell for the diamond dogs attention, take every toilet paper roll in the entire kingdom, and TP EVERYTHING! Did I do good?
Well there's always the classic teepeeing someones house.
One thing s Trixie is usually very skilled at in most stories is illusions. So about using Trixie's skill with illusion spells to help pull pranks. One options you can use is make the Diamond DOGS looks like Diamond CATS. But it backfires when the Dogs use this chance to mock Cats.
Time for Pranking! ...Oh in my case, some pranking backfires! Mwahahahahahahah!
Time for Pranking! ...Oh in my case, some pranking backfires! Mwahahahahahahah!
Next, try to prank some of the head dogs by super glueing them together...only to have their popularity increase because of their great team work during a {Insert Contest soon).
Kichi comment
ONE PRANKING SPREE LATER
"Is there anything these mutts won't put up with!" Trixie exclaims in annoyance.
"Well dogs are known for their loyalty after all..." you reply.
We find you both back in Queen Trixianna's chambers as your ideas had... unorthodox results to say the least;
-You snuck up on some of your Guards and duct taped some of their limbs together, but it just gave them an edge in the six-pawed-race.
-You sprayed the barrack floors with WD-40 so everydog would start slipping and tripping everywhere and claimed it was on orders of the Queen, but they thought it was just part of their training.
-You went for the holiday classic of TP-ing the Kingdom, but the Diamond Dogs think you're just helping them decorate.
-You even had Trixie use her illusion spells to make all the Diamond Dogs in the kingdom look like cats, but this backfires as they use this to make fun of cats and have even more fun so Trixie stops the illusion.
To sum it all up: Everytime you and Trixie attempt to prank the Diamond Dogs, they think the Queen is just having fun and participating in the spirit of the new holiday, ironically increasing their faith in her.
"At this rate I'll be trapped here forever thanks to your stupid ideas!" Trixie groans.
"Well what do you want me to do? Pull a zebra out of my hat?" you snark.
"Last Trixie checked, that trick only works with a top or magician's hat." Trixie snarks back, "But getting serious, maybe we can ask that zebra for help? Or even send a letter to Princess Celestia? One royal to another."
"Uhhh..." you begin as you really don't want the royal alicorns getting involved.
The Queen got lucky with one alicorn. What the buck am I supposed to do against 2 or 3?! you think, I'd be locked up forever and then I'd never find out if my Hive is okay or not-But then again considering the Queen's temperament- Gah! Focus!
"I would not recommend that." you suggest, "While we know you changed, Twilight is Celestia's student so she probably already knows what happened back at Ponyville by now so she's not going to believe either of us-."
"What? But the Great and Apologetic Trixie was brainwashed by that amulet!" Trixie interrupts.
"Yes, but who knows if they'll believe us. Do you really want to take a chance on being thrown in jail, turned to stone, banished to the moon, or even all of the above?"
Taking your warning into consideration, Trixie says,
"Well... Perhaps it would be best to just stay under the radar until Princess Celestia forgets about the... 'incident'. But what about that zebra? If this was cursed by a zebra, maybe another zebra could help me."
"But we don't know any other zebras." you counter, "And even if we did, I doubt that every Zebra knows about potions and spells. That would be like thinking that every Earth Pony only worked in agriculture. Besides, the only Zebra we know of is around Ponyville and I've already made clear why we should avoid that place."
"Then let's go to war!" Trixie suddenly proclaims to your shock, "We'll have the Varangians spearhead an all-out assault on Ponyville and then maybe we sack the town to find something that could help- What in Celestia's name am I saying?" Trixie sobers up as she shakes her head to snap out of it.
"Crown must be on too tight. Not enough blood getting to your brain or something like that" you suggest.
"Well... Trixie doesn't have any more ideas. What about you?"
"Hmmm... *ding*"
BrownDog77 comment
"You still have fireworks?" you ask.
"Yes, back at the trailer, why?"
"Well judging by the amount of Diamond Dogs dressed as vacuum cleaners, lightning clouds, and crash cymbals, it's safe to assume that they really don't like loud noises-"
"Then we use the fireworks to make the Diamond Dogs lose faith in me long enough to get the crown off! Ritz you're a genius!" Trixie exclaims, hugging you.
Blushing slightly you say, "N-no need to thank me Trix. Just tell me where the wagon is so I can get the fireworks while you stay here and distract them with your presence."
"Northwest of here." Trixie responds.
"On it." you salute before running out the door.
"Oh, and it's under a cloaking spell at the moment so you need-"
"Oh, before I forget," you say popping your head back in the door, "Happy Nightmare Night!" before leaving.
NORTH BY NORTHWEST OF DIMONDIA
"Where is that gorram wagon?" you say to yourself in annoyance as you've been looking around the area for half an hour without luck. You found the mud pit that Trixie dropped her stuff in a month ago, but no sign of the wagon anywhere.
"Wait, Trixie's an illusionist. She must have used a cloaking spell." you theorize before slipping the Multi-Vision Goggles out of your hat and onto your eyes before turning them on and setting them to "X-ray mode". Looking around the forest, you see various animal skeletons moving around before you see a what looks like... a tiny cabin levitating off the ground?
"Bingo." you say as you approach the wagon, open the door, and enter as you deactivate, retract, and slide the goggles back up your forehead and under your Bowler hat.
After some digging around (and briefly patching a few cracks here and there with duct tape) you find a box filled with plenty of bottle rockets, fireworks, and sparklers, so you take the whole box. When you close the door to the trailer, you notice one of the fireworks is a massive metal rocket named "The Komodo 3000". Your curiosity (and your love of explosions cultivated from years of action flicks) piqued, you plant the massive firework, take out the Gold Cigarette Lighter, and light the fuse before running off to a safe distance with the box of fireworks. However, you didn't plant it firmly enough so it tips over to its side before the fuse burns up, blasts off through the trees, past terrified animals, and over a hill before you hear a massive explosion that shakes the area, knocks you down, and turns the dark dusk sky bright as noon for a few moments.
Getting back to your hooves, you run over to the top of the hill and see a large crater where a part of the forest should be. Whistling at the sheer size of the crater you muse to yourself,
“Okay... Note to Self: Don't use the big ones. Wouldn't want to blow up any hous- Hello..."
Your eyes light up when you notice that the crater has a sizable number of twinkling gems in it. You quickly jot down the location of this gem crater.
At least we can leave these dogs a parting gift when we ditch em. you think to yourself a you put the crate of fireworks on your back and run back to Dimondia.
It may be Dimondia's first Nightmare Night, but it's one that they are NEVER going to forget...
WHAT DO YOU DO?
Jawbreakers. Candys of instant diabetes and calories.
Ritz appear with a big carriage full of jewels for the diamond dogs and pass it around, but he could feel things are not as good as he could think, instead of happiness, the dogs seems to get angry, as you walk, the great and powerfull Trixie just jump above the carriage.
"Ladies and gentlepuppies, your great and powerfull queen managed to get this many gems for all of you" Shout Trixie but the Diamond Dogs are not happy
"We can smell those gems, and those are not from you, you stoled the gems of ours neighbor city, the ruby cats" Shout one of the dogs
"Ups... But well... They are cats, right? It's not a problem" Comment Trixie
"We have a alliance with them since the old dogs founded this city, our god Fenrir is despicted very friendly with their godess Bastet... This is going to give us war!" Say another dog
"Wait... Who the heck are those Anubis and Bastet? And I was thinking that almost every living being in Equestria served the Princesses" Comment Trixie
Ritz using his vast knowledge begin to think a little
"I think I heard something about that... Time ago the Princesses liked to disguise as strange beings, and somehow ponies and others, begin to create stories about them and strange things happened" Commented Ritz in a low voice so that only Trixie could hear him.
"But why the Princesses could do that?" Asked Trixie
"No idea, someponies think that it was because they were bored, others comment it was to escape the nobles..." Mutter Ritz
"Well... What can we do with this? We have a war and we can't escape" Trixie look around as the dogs don't seem to be happy
"Don't worry, I have this" Say Ritz with a grin and look to the other dogs.
"We can only do one thing... We are going to talk with the cats to tell them it was a error! A meeting between rulers" Shout Ritz
"Are you crazy? Trixie don't know anything about diplomacy" Ask Trixie to Ritz but he ignore her.
"But first, we need to take out the crown so that our queen can talk with them, face to face... You all know how are politics" Comment Ritz
Trixie look a little confused to Ritz, when one dog appeared with a little bag and throw some green powder in the crown, after that Trixie could feel the crown release and she managed to take it out.
"And now, we can get out with a carriage full of jewels" Mutter Ritz in low voice for Trixie but the dogs look at him.
"We can listen to you" Say one dog
"Ritz, the dogs have good ears, did you really think it was a good plan to tell it for everydog?" Ask Trixie
"Then what do we do?" Ask Ritz looking at the dogs that are very angry
"Run!!!!" Shout Trixie as Ritz follow with the carriage of gems
As the changeling and the unicorn run with the carriage, the dogs follow them trying to get them, when suddenly they find a group of strange bipedal beings that seem like cats
"Nya!!! The dogs thieves!! To them!!! Nya!!!" Shout one of the cats
At the moment Ritz and Trixie look how the dogs and cats begin to fight.
"Okay, this is going to give us time, let's get ready to leave" Say Ritz
"B...But they are fighting, they are in war, and it's my fault... I need to do something, it's not right... The Great and powerfull Trixie did not wanted this" Comment Trixie looking to them
"Look, unless you want your great and powerfull ass in a jail, help me with the carriage" Say Ritz
Salmiak. (Ammonium Chloride filled liquorishe basically).
Reeses! Reeces! REECES! IS THIS LOUD ENOUGH?
Anyway... try to scare the DDs severely enough that they pretty much throw you and Trixie out of the kingdom.
It’s time for a lightshow from Tartarus.
You have Trixie get upon a stage, telling the dogs that she will frighten them to death in the spirit of Nightmare Night.
“Gaze upon your Queen you curs, and fear hear spectacular wrath!” she says as she starts setting off fireworks.
Many of the dogs fold their ears back and whine at the spectacular, and others try to run, but Trixie creates a miniature dome around the staging area.
“No leaving until the performance is done.”
“Please Queen Trixianna, this is too scary!” cry many of the adults, while lots of pups hug onto their legs. You feel a bit bad about that, but that crown has got to come off.
“It’s Nightmare Night! Being Scared is a Must!” you yell, setting off your own set of fireworks. They launch into the air and show images of cute animals, and happy smiley faces, but the Dogs all hunker down, whining and holding their ears.
“Too true Captain DeWitt, now listen to your Queen’s tale of how she defeated an Ursa Major!!” she yells, sending up another firework that magically shows an image of a giant bear.
“I thought that was a lie,” you whisper to her.
“Yes, but at this point, it’s all I got,” she says and begins telling about how she single hoofidly struck down the mighty bear, complete with more fireworks.
“I can’t take it anymore!” a male dog says as he rushes to the bubble and starts trying to dig under it…only to find that the dome, is actually a sphere.
“I learned from last time,” she tells you.
Eventually Jim walks up and pleads.
“Please your highness, this little show is unpleasant to us. Think about your people.”
“Whatever do you mean Jim? I am. This is Nightmare Night!”
“But there was nothing in Mr. DeWitt’s report about fireworks!” he begs.
She sets off another firework, causing dogs to hit the dirt.
“I have altered the report, pray I don’t alter it any further.”
Jim attempts to stop a rocket from going off, by taking it off the stand, so you “tackle” him and put him in restraints.
“Public Treason, Public Treason,” you yell aloud. The dogs all start voicing their outrage at this as Jim looks up at you in sadness.
“Ritz, why?” he asks hurt.
“Just play along, no matter what happens, there is a master plan in place,” you whisper to him and slip an envelope into his clothes.
“Read this when it’s all over, you’re going to like what it says.”
He nods at this and goes along with you manacling him.
“Alright, I got this heckler, tell them about how you defeated the dragon Trixie,” you tell her.
“Oh of course! Well you see, there was this giant red fire breathing DRAGON!!!” she shouts as Sparklers erupt on all sides of her.
“And I defeated him by giving him ALL THE DIAMONDS AND JEWELLS I COULD FIND! WILLINGLY!”
“AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!”
“NOOOOO!!!”
“The Horror! The Horror!” cry out the dogs.
“Yes, and should I, Trixianna the first ever encounter a dragon problem, that shall be my plan as well, FOR WE HAVE PLENTY!” this is followed by a dollar symbol firework explosion, and then the boos.
“Booo”
“Get off the stage!”
“Boo-urns! Boo-urns!”
“No! Don’t throw all those conveniently placed vegetables at your Queen, she would hate it immensely!” you yell from within the crowd, causing them all to look to their feet at all the vegetables you sneakily placed at their paws.
“She wouldn’t like it, throw them!” some dog says, and they all begin throwing vegetables on stage, pelting Trixie and ruining her clothes. She gives you the stink eye from stage, but you just chuckle.
“Why, is that any way to treat your Queen?!” she “huffs.”
“You hurt our ears and ruined Nightmare Night!” they cry out indignantly.
“Why, it’s as if you all don’t have faith in me anymore!”
“That’s right! Booooo!” they chant.
Trixie then grabs the crown on her head and lifts it up, crying convincingly.
“Well if that’s the case, let me introduce you to my next trick,” she says as she throws the crown down.
“The disappearing Queen!” she says as she throws down a smoke pellet.
As the dust clears, the dogs notice that the dome is gone, as is Trixie, and Jim is unshackled.
“Huh? Where did the Queen go?” they ask, not noticing her hauling tail into the distance.
“Oh no, we broke her heart and drove her away!” some of them cry out.
As panic starts among the dogs, you slip out and watch from a distance as Jim reads from the note.
Dear Jim,
Trixie was unhappy with her life, and didn’t want to upset the dogs, but in order to be free, she had to. We hope that you won’t be too angry with us, and that you keep expanding the Kingdom and remember our legacy in good light. We apologize for bailing, but as a condolence prize, here is the coordinates of a recently opened Gem Field.
Live Long and Prosper My Friend,
Captain Ritz DeWitt, and Trixie Lulamoon.
P.S. You’re the king now Jim. Hail to the King.
You see Jim chuckle as he quiets everyone down and explains that he has been appointed ruler, and that a new Gem Field as been found, causing everyone to cheer, and chants of Trixie fill the sky.
When you get back to Trixie and the wagon, you see her looking back at the kingdom in sadness.
“Well that went smoothly, could have done without the vegetables, but it is done. I still feel bad about hurting their feelings though,” she says.
“Oh don’t worry about them, they’re in good paws,” you say as you pat her back.
She nods and sniffles before turning around.
“So…where to now? You ask.”
“Well, without money, nowhere in particular,” she says.
“Oh yeah, I forgot, I may have snagged a few chests of gems from that new field,” you smirk as you open the Wagon and see the gleaming jewelry.
“Ritz! You magnificent bastard!” she says as she hugs you.
“Heh heh, eyup,” you chuckle.
“Why with this, I can afford advertising, new equipment. Maybe even theatre space!” she squees.
“Nice, so where should we head first then?”
“Well my father always said, go big or go home, but seeing as how I have no home, let’s go for broke Ritz, let’s go to Bridleway!”
You choke as she says that.
“Bridleway? Don’t you think that’s a bit of a jump?” you exclaim.
“No guts no glory! Now come along, let’s put some distance between us and our former Kingdom.
She hooks herself up to the wagon and begins pulling, humming a happy tune as you follow.
“Manehattan huh? Not the best city for feeding on love, but still the best for blending in,” you think.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And Fireheart's right, Reeces for life!
Have Trixie be so happy to get the crown off. She end's up kissing Ritz in her excitement. After she realizes what she did she apologize and explains she got caught up in the moment. All while blushing so strong her blue coat is now dark red.
Also remember to make sure to grab the crown and take it with you when you leave. Don't want anyone else to end up in the same mess Trixie did. Plus the way Trixie was acting earlier has you concerned. Maybe there's more to the Crowns curse besides keeping the wearer trapped.
Oh almost forgot the question again. My favorite candy would have to be twix.
Shortly before the show, Chancellor Jim gives you a medal (looks like the U.S. Medal of Freedom, but with a bronze wolf head instead of an eagle), saying that it's Dimondia highest honor for all your work for Dimondia (and via royal decree also gives a 25% discount off of any purchase from the Y.U.M. carts)
"Dimondia Cross of Loyalty Medal"
added to Inventory
Great, now you feel bad about what you and Trixie are about to do.
Stupid conscience...
See a pink star surrounded by some white stars in the distance.
"Trixie doesn't remember buying that." Trixie comments, but seeing how you have an escape plan in progress, you both just shrug it off.
At the news of Twilight becoming an alicorn princess, Trixie spits her (hot) coffee in your face in shock
===================================
Three Musketeers for the win!
(After Trixie uses her disappering smoke pellet to escape the stage.)
The dogs start to panic, thinking that yet another ruler has abandoned them, and their most loved and successful one so far. During the resulting riot as the dogs start upending food stands and dismantling the stage in search of Trixie, you see that the showmare didn't manage to get far before her smoke cover blew away, and she's now hiding behind a dumpster in a nearby alleyway.
"Huh, well she's getting better." you say with only minor sarcasm. You can still remember when you could see her running away after using that trick; at least this time she had the good sense to hide.
...
"Sup?" you greet her from the shadows.
She gets startled and almost screams, but you quickly shush her with a hoof.
"Nice work out there." you compliment, "A little over the top though."
She flashes you a grin though. "Honestly Ritz, would the great and powerful Trixie provide anything less." she risks a peek out of her cover and whispers to you, "Now let's get out of here before they find us."
"Just a sec." you mutter and light up one of your heavenly cherry-vanilla cigarettes.
13 cigarettes remaining
"Really Ritz? You choose now of all times for a cigarette?"Trixie says raising a skeptical brow.
In response you puff a cloud of smoke in her face. "Yup. Why? Do you have a better way to stop them from smelling us?"
Trixie nods. "I can see your point.Ugh, the first thing Trixie is doing when we get out of here is buying some perfume."
"One step at a time babe. Aquilla talon." you tell her and activate your bracer. You offer her a hoof, and with the aid of your grappling hook, the two of you manage to Assassins Vow your way across the rooftops and to the edge of town.
Along the way though, you catch a glimpse of Jim, reading your note and calming everydog down. With a smile, you take a mental snapshot and continue on your way, knowing that everything will be alright, and that Diamondia is in his capable paws.
=====
For the question...
Browndog and Fireheart, I'm with you guys. Reese's is my favorite, especially when used in smores.
yeah... i still got nothing....
how about this:
scratch a chalk board to silence a bunch of dogs in that fireworks thing the other guy was going on about.
yeah do that everytime they say something or complain, that should be funny.
sorry bro this questions 3 spooky 5 me.