• Published 25th Jul 2015
  • 3,248 Views, 287 Comments

Changeling See, Changeling D'OH! (Comment-Driven Story) - Kersey475



You are a changeling stranded in the Everfree Forest after the failed assault on Canterlot. What should you do? What shenanigans will ensue? YOU DECIDE!

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Chapter 24: Now I Have Backup. Ho-Ho-Ho (Die Hard Arc Part 2)

MidnightFMare

You take your hoof off of Svengallop's mouth when the predictable happens,

"Oh how dare you put your filthy hoof on my lips! It'll take an airship load of chapsticks to get the taste out of my mouth! I'll make sure you're blacklisted from every Countess Col-"

"Aquila Talon." *shnk* you say as you activate the hookblade right up against Svengallop's face shutting him up.

"I don't know what you're going to whine next, but I recommend keeping it to yourself cause I can guarantee the next words after that will be 'Oh Celestia, my eye', Capisce?"

He rapidly nods his head fearfully.

"Horrorshow." you say as you retract the hookblade, "Now go stay in that corner and face the wall or you're going out the window."

Svengallop is about to whine in protest when the glare you're giving him shuts him up and he complies, going to the corner and grumbling to himself.

"Okay... I have one spoiled moron who isn't good for much aside from bait and I have a vengeful minotaur with at least 2 comrades hunting for me..." You groan as you look around, finding nothing of interest.

"Agh... what would Chunk Norris do?"

"Roundhouse kick every last thug with killer precision and an impressive mustache-beard combo" Chunk Norris' disembodied, ethereal head says to you.

"Cruel Chrysalis!" you yelp, jumping away from the head, "Chunk Norris?! You... you're dead?" you ask, your film buff heart breaking.

"Of course I'm not dead, you punk!" he yells at you "I'm just a figment of your imagination. Nothing kills Chunk Norris! Chunk Norris kills nothing!"

"Doesn't that mean that you don't kill at all?" you point out,

He scowls at you, and you can feel that he's shaking his ethereal hoof at you and you're lucky he hasn't roundhouse kicked you into the sun.

"Forget about the syntax goo-brain! Listen, you've seen every single good, bad, and ugly action movie in existence, right?"

You nod unsurely.

"Then do the things in those movies! Now, what do you have that the thugs don't?"

"...an encyclopedic knowledge of movies and serials?" you say unsurely.

"Yes, and an imaginary floating Chunk Norris head talking to you. Seriously, you may want to get that checked out."

"Yeah! I can do this! I can win!" You grin as you start looking through your saddlebags, "Yes!! I can see a plan now-"

"Seeing as how I'm all in your head, I already know what your plan is and it's a good plan, just don't make too many Michael Beigh explosions and watch out for anypony with nunchaku that makes a lot of funny high-pitched noises when fighting."

You smile and grab and drag Svengallop behind you to the elevator.

"Come on Pretty mare, let's get you all ready for your close-up." you say and are about to get into the elevator when you see it coming down,

"That must be the sweeping party. Better take the stairs." you say before going up the stairs as the elevator opens revealing a large minotaur with a giant ax flanked by an earth pony with a crossbow and a unicorn who exit and start sweeping the rooms still under construction.

ONE SET UP LATER

Anyway I suggest using Svengallop as bait. When the goon are distracted with him you could surprise them.

Throw a thunderorb and clean out a few of the criminals, with the minotaur being one of those getting zapped.

MidnightFMare

Svengallop looks at you nervously,

"I-I'm an agent, not an actor! Please, I'll do anything but not... what you're planning!"

You shush him and pull a mare's fishnet stocking over his head "You just have to say your lines, and run. That's easier than what I have to do."

"I mean... why should we even help these ponies instead of just hiding or running away? I don't even know them!"

"Good Samaritan, I suppose. That and I have a thing against thugs with more muscle than wit." you briefly look at your last 2 Bits in your Saddlebags, "Plus I need the bits. Anyway, here goes..."

You then shove Svengallop through the penthouse door as you run off for your part of the plan.

"Ow!" he greets, barging down the door to the hostage room. He then feels multiple eyes on him causing him to blurt out what you told him to say.

"Um... I have been charged by Your mothers, were a bunch of hamsters I may add!" he inhales "I blow my nose at you silly little empty-headed food trough water! I fart in your general direction!!" He puts a hoof to his forehead and waves it around, blowing a raspberry at them.

The griffon leader quirks an eyebrow at Svengallop,

"What a peculiar little stallion. Get him."

Svengallop gulps and runs back into the hallway screaming like a little filly as four terrorists (2 earth ponies, a buffalo, and a pegasus) chase after him.

MEANWHILE

You managed to get back to the half-completed room only to see the large minotaur Károlos giving orders to an earth pony with a crossbow and a unicorn. You manage to quickly duck into a shadowed corner, climb onto the ceiling, get your Multi-Vision Goggles ready, and listen in.

"You two stay here. If you see that character, I want you to steer him downstairs. Remember, he's mine."

The two stallions salute as the minotaur leaves for the elevator, dragging his heavy ax with him.

Good thing I didn't take the elevator. you think to yourself as the unicorn and the earth pony start sweeping the room side-by-side when you all hear girly screaming coming towards the room.

You roll your eyes as you ready a Thundercloud Orb while the two ponies head to the entrance doorway. Soon Svengallop comes screaming in only to be grabbed by the two stallions as the other four come in,

"Got you you little-"

You quickly throw the orb at the group, shattering it in an explosion of blinding flash of light and a deafening crack of thunder as they become covered in a thick grey cloud as you drop down from the ceiling with Multi-Vision Goggles set to Thermal.

4 "Thundercloud Orbs"
remaining

As the 6 ponies (and 1 buffalo) stumble around stunned in the grey cloud, you use your Thermal vision to identify Svengallop and quickly grab and roughly throw the stunned stallion to a safer corner of the room. You then run up to an Earth Pony, knock the crossbow out of his hooves, and shove him into the buffalo who picks the pony up and declares,

"TAKE THIS!!!"

"Wait! It's-" the pony says, but gets an (un)healthy serving of headbutt. You quickly follow up by going around and pushing and Chain Punching ponies into each other before quickly ducking out of the cloud and standing by as the 6 terrorists start blindly brawling with each other. The brawl takes them close to a large window when you notice the grey cloud starting to clear up.

Buck! If they see me I'm a dead bug! Gotta do something...

In desperation, you quickly point a hoof at the Buffalo and focus. Soon the grey cloud disappears completely as the pegasus of the group flies to the ceiling to get away from the brawlers when he sees you.

"There he is get him!" he says pointing a hoof at you.

Suddenly the buffalo lets out an enraged war cry with glowing red eyes and blindly charges into the four ponies, sending them all crashing out the window.

DOWN BELOW

We see a shiny police carriage with a mattress on top of it arrive on the scene as a pegasus wearing a suit and carrying a donut comes out and walks over to the earth pony officer who is being tended to by a medic.

"Deputy Chief." the earth pony officer salutes.

"What's the situation here officer?" the deputy chief says munching on the donut.

"Possible takeover situation with hostages."

"What makes you think that?"

"Well according to the Trackatomi Corporation, they had a holiday party in the penthouse and an automatic crossbow tried to turn me into swiss cheese."

"Okay, we need to coordinate and send in teams of officer to get rid of those thugs!" the round pony says, munching on a donut before going over to his carriage, admiring the cart's shiny coat and the mattress.

"Finally saved up enough Bits for that carriage-mattress deal. Ain't gonna let nothin' happen to yo-"

Suddenly the 5 figures crash onto the cart, the mattress keeps the fall from being fatal but the cart is utterly smashed in front of the Deputy Chief's eyes.

"..." he stares at what remains of the cart with 5 unconscious terrorists on the debris, speechless.

"You... you okay deputy chief?"

He whimpers, tears going down his face,

"All my donuts were in there..." He turns to the building "YOU MANIACS!! YOU CRUSHED THEM!! DARN YOU!! DARN YOU ALL TO TARTARUS!!!"

BACK WITH YOU

"Stout Strength, what's gotten into you-" the pegasus terrorist yells out the broken window.

"Aquila Talon!" you declare as you jump at the pegaus and manages to hit him at the joint where the wing attaches to the body with the hookblade knocking him down in pain. Before he could reorient himself, you quickly Chain Punch him in the face long enough to knock him out.

As you use duct tape to restrain the pegasus terrorist, Svengallop groans and stumbles over, the stocking still on his head as he mumbles, "Hello, you pathetic... ninny-muggins..."

Kichi's comment

As Svengallop is still woozy in the corner, you think about disguising yourself as the Pegasus you just subdued, but you remember your disguise only lasts for a few minutes at most. Fortunately you get another idea and press the button on the Trotty-Talky.

"Intruder! There's an Intruder in the elevator" You say changing your voice a little.

Even though it's too hard to maintain a visual disguise, you can still change your voice just find so you use that to try to confuse everypony.

"I think I see something running to the roof." you say in another voice.

"Blood! Blood everywhere! Somepony is hurt in the bathroom!" you say in a third voice.

"The cops! The cops are coming from the back door!" you yell again as he change his voice.

Soon you hear voices on the other side panicking and rushing everywhere around the building as the leader tries to calm them down. Laughing at this chaos, you can help but have some fun,

"In the name of the moon, thou are going to be punished" you say in a voice very similar to that of Princess Luna.

*SMASH*

At that sound you turn and see a large, coldly angry minotaur standing where the wall us with a large ax in his hands as he glares at you.

"Do you think you can throw Karolos' brother out of a window and get away with it? Karolos is going to show you a world of pain" he roars as he charges forward.

Your training kicking in, you quickly jump away as he brings down his ax smashing into the floor as you start quickly crawling up the wall.

"Get down so that Karolos can smash you!" he roars as he swings the ax through the wall.

"Uhhh... Maybe you can help us? Whatever the griffon pay, we can pay the double, think about it! They send you to do the dirt work, why obey a stupid griffon?" Ask Ritz

"That griffin is a wise leader. Even if you didn't defenestrate Karolos' brother, you don't have any money!" he roars as he smashes the ax close to you with enough force to knock you off the wall and onto the ground. You manage to scamper out of the way of his next blow and find yourself near Svengallop.

Also if it comes to it don't be afraid to use Svengallop as a meat shield. That way he can take any hits meant for you.

"Whiny distraction, activate!" you declare as you grab Svengallop and shove him at Karolos only for the minotaur to violently shove him aside, but it was enough of a distraction for you to run into the hallway and slam the door shut...

Love the Changeling comment

"Okay, minotaurs are tanks, direct combat is suicide." you say as you pull down your Multi-Vision Goggles, "Come on, there has to be something I can do to lose him!"

You run to the end of the hall where the emergency stairwell is, only for the door to remain stuck.

"Buck!" you curse as you run back to the other emergency door when suddenly the door you slammed shut smashes open.

"Ready to die?!" he declares vengefully.

"Double Buck!" you say as you hit the nearby light switch to kill the lights and smash the switch with "Aquila Talon" for good measure as you activate Night Vision on your goggles.

"Even with the lights out it's still a hallway punk!" Karolos roars as he swings his ax around, "You can't beat a minotaur on his home turf!"

"D'oh!" you exclaim as you use your Night Vision to keep your distance from Karolos's ax.

Cake bomb? No, too much prep needed for that. Reinforced hat? Doubt it would do anything. Thundercloud Orbs? Too little to waste on a single enemy. you quickly think to yourself.

You barely manage to duck as Karolos swings his ax into a door.

Duct tape, used blanket, WD-40, pointy stick,

Suddenly you spot the hole Karolos made in the door and see a room with a spiral staircase.

*Ding*

Having a eureka moment, you manage to run past the minotaur in the darkness, open the door, and run into the room.

"Found you!" Karolos roars as the light from the room spills into the hallway. After charging in, he looks around the room until he spots the spiral staircase going up and he charges straight up it, but unfortunately for him you were lying in wait behind a large urn by the stairs. You quickly leap out from your hiding spot and stab the Pointy Stick right into the minotaur's thigh joint. As Karolos roars in pain, you quickly jump on his chest and knock him down the spiral staircase, Chain Punching the giant in the face the entire slide down as the back of his head bounces against each stair.

"Pointy Stick"
lost

When you reach the bottom of the stairs, you quickly grab the nearby urn and smash it onto Karolos' face for good measure. You're about to restrain him with duct tape when you hear more voices coming from upstairs forcing you to make a hasty exit.

I better find that Svengallop prick before he gets himself killed.

Just make sure the cops don't mistake you for one of the terrorists.

BrownDog77 comment

"Where were you? My hair is a mess and my suit is ruined! 3000 Bits on sale made from imported-"

*shnk*

"Shutting up."

"Good pony." you say as you pick up a crossbow on the ground, drag Svengallop to a janitor's closet (shoving his face through it for good measure), and inside you find an roll of duct tape that you use to tape Svengallop's yap shut.

As you do this, your changeling senses hear a terrorist approaching the closet so you run to the door. Timing it just right, you quickly push the door open and slam it into the sap's face. You follow this up by slapping duct tape on his mouth and pulling him into the closet like those creepy trap door spiders before roughly shoving him to the floor. Fortunatly this terrorist is a unicorn so you Chain Punch his horn until he falls unconscious from the barrage.

As you tie him up with the duct tape, you hear a buzzing noise and a new voice from the Trotty Talkie.

“Hello? Hello? Is anypony there? This is the Las Pegasus Police, can anypony respond?”

Make the "shush" gesture at the scared Svengallop, you get on the Trotty-Talky and answer,

“Hello? You that cop I saw running off?”

“Yes, I found this Talkie off that minotaur that fell in the fountain before Cross Bolts came at me. Apparently it’s tuned to yours. What’s going on?”

“I’m not quite sure, terrorists of all races stormed the building and are holding all the Penthouse people hostage. I got away with a so called “Celebrity” and we’re both trying not to get caught here. I just threw that guy out the window and knocked out his bud-"

“Wait, you threw that big guy down here? The one who was on fire?”

“Yeah, I Rorschached his ass.”

“Dang… who are you?”

“Name's Ritz, you?”

“I’m Officer Powell, and good job, thanks to you we got backup on the way, we’ll get to you in no time.”

“I don’t know about that copper, the Griffin in charge seems to have a plan for that. I’d be careful.” you reply.

"How many terrorists do you think we're dealing with?" Powell asks.

"I don't know an exact number, but I do know I knocked out and locked up one Griffin in the bathroom, knocked out another earth pony with a filing cabinet and locked him in a closet, flambed a minotaur out the window, tricked 5 more into going out the window, grounded a pegasus and locked him in another closet, stabbed the minotuar's big angry brother in the thigh joint with a pointy stick and chain-punched him down the stairs, but had to leave when his buddies arrived, and I just subdued another unicorn right now."

"Again, dang. That's 6 in our custody, 4 subdued upstairs, and 1 angry motherhubbard wounded. How long have you been a bounty hunter for?"

"First day." you respond nonchalantly as you prop the restrained and unconcious unicorn against a wall.

“Triple dang." he responds is shock causing you to chuckle.

"You get anything out of the 6 I sent ya?" you ask.

"Unfortunately that fall knocked them out stone cold. The medical staff on the scene say the earliest they'll wake up is in the morning."

"Shame, but better them than me." you respond.

"Still, you should remain hidden. You don’t need to endanger yourself anymore if there are hostages.”

“No can do Powell, thanks to Twinkle-Hooves here, they’re already on our case, and you’re crazy if you think I’m going to let anyone die while I can do something from the shadows."

"Well we'd appreciate it if you don't start racking up a body count up there." Powell recommends.

"Relax, I’m a bounty hunter after all and last I checked corpses aren't worth anything anyway. I got this…”

*Sigh* Don’t do anything reckless, the negotiators have just arrived and the deputy chief on the scene is preparing an assault. And Ritz, be careful…”

“Yeah, you too man, Happy Hearthswarming!”

As you put the Trotty-Talky away, you look to Svengallop and give him a glare.

“Alright Mr. Primadonna, I’m going to leave you here with this crossbow. Try not to get caught and try not to put a bolt in my brain. If you get hungry, here's a Chocolate Bar. I’m gonna do some reconnaissance, ok?”

He tries to say something, but it is muffled by the tape.

“I’m going to assume that was an asinine way of saying yes on your part.” you quip before leaving.

-2 Chocolate Bars
remaining

As you leave the room, the Trotty-Talky crackles to life and you hear the cultured voice,

"Theo, what's your status?"

"So far I have no such luck,
But I'm sure it'll soon give up." you hear a nerdy zebra voice say from the other end.

"Okay, don't waste time talking to me. Rufus, what is the status on Karolos?"

"He injured, but he down whole bottle of painkillers." you hear Rufus reply.

"And what about the wires for the detonator his brother has?"

"We no find them."

There's a brief pause before the leader continues.

"As soon as the painkillers kick in, tell Karolos we're moving to Plan 'Repulse'. The police are most likely planning a direct assault on the building so we need to have our counter-measures in place against a Pegasus raid on the roof and others from the ground."

Hearing this news, you remember what Powell said about a planned raid by the police causing you to say in dread,

“Oh no…”

WHAT DO YOU DO?

Author's Note:

HERE IS THE LINK TO A FORUM THREAD LISTING YOUR (RITZ'S/815's) ITEMS AND ABILITIES

The police are planning an assault, but it looks like the terrorists have some tricks up their sleeves...

Also remember;
-None of the Mane 6 or any princesses show up
-No exposing Ritz as a changeling
-NO KILLING on EITHER side.
-Ritz can NOT last that long in straight up combat (one throw by a minotaur cracked his ribs) so use stealth.
-This is Equestria so there are NO televisions, phones, or other electrical technology
-Officer Powell is your friend on the ground who you can talk with via the Trotty-Talky

Today’s Question is still from last chapter due to the lack of responses,

With the exception of the first Die Hard, what is your favorite Die Hard-style movie or TV show episode and why?

For clarification, this means a situation where bad guys have taken over a place/area and the good guy(s) have to fight their way to victory from the inside. Again, you CANNOT choose the first Die Hard for your answer so have fun.

Yippie-Ki-Yay motherbuckers!

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