Kichi comment
"They're going to annihilate the building at this rate... I need to do something..." you mutter.
Suddenly Trixie crashes through a window with a strange yellow aura around her and a spiky yellow mane.
"Don't worry babe, the Great and Powerful Trixie will handle this!" she declares suddenly starts teleporting around and punching all the villains before the lead Griffin tears off his business suit exposing a hugely muscled frame and prepares a massive beam attack as Trixie readies a Kamehameha. You're watching this display with your jaw dropped when,
"Ritz, our ponies are gonna bust in and rescue the hostages, just don't do anything stupid." you hear Official Powell from the Trotty-Talky.
You're about to answer when you look back and see that the battle and Trixie have disappeared. You shake your head and realize you just hallucinated all that.
"Great, first Chunk Norris, then Saiyan Trixie... What's next? The three changeling kings?" you snark as you turn only to see a trio of changelings; one very black and another two with long beards.
"Gah! You ain't fooling me again!" you yell as you throw a chair at them.
"Bad changeling, You are going to have coal forever!" One of them shouts as they all throw coal at you and disappear flying out the window.
"Ritz, are you there? Ritz?!" Powell urgently yells into the Trotty-Talky as you bang your head against a wall to rid yourself of the hallucinations.
"Okay... Checklist; 1. Take out the bad guys without being spotted. 2. Take care of the bombs... 3. Don't get mistaken for terror- Wait, Why do I suddenly feel like a pony with OCD?" you mutter.
BrownDog77 comment
"Powell! Powell, Do you read me?" you yell into your Trotty-Talky.
"Yeah Ritz, I hear you! I've been trying to get your attention for 5 min-"
"You gotta pull back now!"
"What? But they've just sent the flyboys up top, they're lining up the armored carriages, and the P.A.I.N. unit is almost on it's way, everything's going to be-"
"They're planning Something! Tell them to pull back now!"
"I-" he begins when suddenly a series of concussive blast noises coming from the roof tell you it's too late.
You stick your head out of a window, and see injured Pegasi guards raining from the sky and barely being caught by unicorn guards below.
"BUCK!!!" you scream in indignation.
"The fliers have been dealt with sir." you suddenly hear over your talkie.
"Good, any fatalities?" asks the Griffin.
"No sir, but that blast should keep them from another air attempt anytime soon."
"Good, now take out their armored carriages before they burst the door down."
"Ritz! The hay was that?" yells Powell.
"The trap I was talking about! Now get your ground forces back! They're about to-"
From your window you see what looks like a rocket of some kind launch out of the windows and explode under the lead armored carriage sending it crashing upside down into the armored carriage behind it.
"Holy Buck!"
You switch the frequency on your talky and growl,
"That's enough you feathery Bucker! They get the point!"
"Ahh... Am I to assume that this is the being taking out my employees like berliners?"
"That's right you sick buck! And you better stop blasting those cops, now!"
"I'll take it under advisement." he says smoothly before another rocket is fired.
"AAAAHHH... That's it buck face! One way or another, I'm gonna fry you!" you threaten.
He chuckles at that before saying, "Oh really now? You're just going to barge in here, alone, against all of my men and take us out gung-ho style like some sort of movie action hero?"
"Yeah, something like that. Yippee Ki Yay Motherbucker..." you snark into the talkie as you carefully walk up the wall.
"You've been watching far too many Applewood blockbusters." he scoffs.
Kichi comment
You carefully walk on the ceiling out into the hallway till you hear a voice muttering to himself from a room. You knock on the door and say in a falsetto voice,
"Room service. Somepony order a pizza with the works?"
"Pizza? I didn't order a bucki-*wham*" the voice says before you swing down and slam your back hooves into the door as hard as you can when the voice gets close enough. Before he can recover, you jump in the doorway, tackle the henchpony into the wall, hit him in the throat with the brim of your Bowler to stun him again, then quickly scan your nearby surroundings, grab a nearby vase, and smash it over the henchpony's head knocking him out.
"Okay, now where's the minotau-" you say to yourself before the words die in your throat when you see said Minotaur there.
You almost panic and flee, but another look shows that Karolos is obvious still groggy at the moment as he’s just standing there wobbling, leaning on his battle axe for balance and oblivious to you knocking out his co-worker in front of him. You very carefully place a bucket on his head and a can of soup in front of him so when he does move he’ll hopefully knock himself out.
Intercept the team that's going to try repulsing the pegasi assault; support is going to be vital. Oh, and make sure the cops don't think you're one of the bad guys; that would mean trouble, and could be humiliating.
MidnightFPony comment
"Okay, I need to help the cops get here, I can't take them down alone at this rate." you mutter, racing up the stairs to the top floor "Probably explosives or anti-air artillery... Easy."
Reaching the top most floor, you find several carefully hidden explosives hidden there, too many to remove in time.
"Don't. Move." someling grumbles behind you as you sense the crossbow pointed at the back of your head "So you're the one who's been attacking my colleagues, I expected something... better."
You grin, "You can't kill me, Karolos wants me for himself."
"I don't care what that overgrown heifer wants. I just want my money."
"And I want a solid gold toilet seat, but that doesn't seem to be in the cards either." You snark, turning around slowly "So, what's your name-"
Your snark dies in your mouth as to your surprise you see a sheep with a crossbow.
"What in the name-"
The sheep hits you over the head with the crossbow, but most of the force is taken by the hat, "So a sheep can't have a job?! Is that what you mean? Huh?! Huh?!"
"No! I mean, I just... Pocket sand!!" the sheep flinches and you scramble away, hiding.
He blinks and growls in a very un-sheeply way "You-! Get back here you coward!!"
"I hope this works..." you say as you grab your can of WD-40 and your lighter.
The sheep charges and you leap over him, spraying the WD-40 onto his back before you land and light the stream, setting the sheep's wool on fire "Gaaaaaaah!!!! Fire! Fire! FIRE!!"
He rolls around trying to extinguish the flames and drops his crossbow, which you pick up "Alright Sheep, Ewe know what needs to be done, right?"
He stares at you incredulously "... Not cool dude, puns are not cool."
You hiss, your eyes flashing angrily, "PUNS ARE AWESOME!"
"They really aren't." Chunk Norris's head says as it appears next to yours.
You scream under your breath in despair and level the crossbow at the sheep "What does your boss want? Tell me!"
"You have to kill me!"
"What does your boss want?!" you ask again, getting ready to pull the trigger.
"Kiss my nappy behind, cretin!"
Your patience is running thin "What does your boss want?!"
"He's after the bonds in the safe on the lower floor!" he shouts.
You blink several times and shrug "That was easy. Why did you tell me?"
"I can't stand it when someone asks me the same question three times! It just irritates me!" he answers.
"Huh. Odd, but whatever." you kick him in the face and bind him with Duct tape, and then shiver "I hope I don't get Anthrax or something."
"Oh come on, that's just speciesist!" he bleats wearily.
You roll your eyes and turn him onto its sides "Don't go anywhere."
He glares at you "As if I could!"
You smirk and look around "Where are the countermeasures?"
"I'm never going to say!" he bleats.
"Are you really going to make me ask you two more times?" you ask "Ugh, fine, where are the countermeasures?"
"You're never going to get me to say!"
"Where are the countermeasures?" You ask again.
"I spit at you!"
"Ha! I asked three times! You have to tell me!" You point out.
"No I don't, you asked it once, then asked a different question with different wording, then the first question two more times." he replies, smug.
A vein throbs in your forehead "I asked it three times! Just- oh, never mind, I found them." you rip out the explosives from behind the insulation and start tossing out a window.
He sighs in defeat "I'd commit Sheepuku if I could move..."
You ignore it and toss the last bundle of explosives "There, now they can get in safely, or are there other things? Are there other things? Are there other things?"
The sheep screams "There aren't! I was supposed to unpack that missile launcher but I never got around to it!"
Your ears perk up "Rocket launcher? Horrorshow!" you look around and find a box with "RPG" on the side, several smaller cases with rockets and missiles inside "... It's like Hearth's warming morning...' you wipe a tear from your eyes and load up
1 Launcher obtained, 5 rockets obtained, 10 miniature missiles obtained.
You secure the sheep to the floor and gallop down the stairs giddy-
*Crash*
When you hear a crash and see Karolos bucket-covered head crashed into the wall.
“You!!" the minotaur yells when he rips the bucket off his head and spots you.
"Ah gorramit." You mutter, leveling the rocket launcher onto your shoulder, "I’ll have my steak to go." You quip as you fire.
The rocket knocks back Karolos several feet, but he wrenches the missile from his impeccable abs and throws it back at you like a javelin, but you barely dodge it by diving into a table so the missile flies out the window.
You scramble back to your feet and grab the tablecloth before waving it, "Toro! Toro!"
It snorts and charges at the cloth, but you spin away and he smashes into a wall.
You snicker but he shakes it off and charges at you again, and this time, you barely avoid being skewered on his horns. You snicker at this, but it dies in your throat when you see him spot and pick up his massive battle axe.
"Okay, Saturday morning cartoons don't fail me now..." you leap and stand at the top of the steps, facing away from the stairs themselves.
"Ole!" you shout as Karolos charges right at you with the axe over his head...
And starts to roll down every single flight of the spiral stairs, grunting and cursing the whole time.
"Looks like his life is a downward spiral now." you joke, earning a groan from the disembodied Chunk Norris head as you walk off down the hall when you hear from the Trotty-Talky,
DWC comment
“Ritz, what was that explosion?!”
“Relax Powell, that was me taking care of our explosives problem.” you say confidently as Chunk Norris dissappears.
“You got great timing as the P.A.I.N. unit has just been deployed and is on its way.”
Your changeling instincts kicking in, you gain an evil smirk and switch the channel to the Griffin,
“Hey FKC, you there?”
“What is it this time?” he responds in bored annoyance.
“Just calling to let you know your anti-air weapons have been taken out like last week’s garbage and there’s a PAIN on his way to live up to his name!” you taunt.
"Tsk, tsk. With the potential for a P.A.I.N. unit being involved, did you honestly believe I'd put all my eggs in one basket? But I thank you for the heads up."
“Heads up? What do y- Oh buck!!!” you yell as you switch channels back in a panic,
“POWELL! POWELL! YOU GOTTA CALL OFF THAT PAIN RIGHT NOW!”
Unfortunately he doesn’t hear you over the cheers of other officers as a burly armored Pegasus comes flying in overhead.
Suddenly a tube sticks out from one of the upper windows at the P.A.I.N. and fires a missile. He stakes taking evasive maneuvers only for the missile to explode sending a sticky rainbow substances splattering outward coating the pegasus.
“OH CRUEL CHYRSALIS! They must have doused him with some colorful flesh-eating acid- Wait, is that Zap Apple Jam?” you realize, “Seriously? What’s that supposed t-”
“THE JAM! IT STICKS ALL OVER! OH, I CAN ONLY SEE A HORRIBLE RAINBOW!” the pegasus P.A.I.N. screams in horror as he blindly flies in panicked circles.
“Hate to see what happens when he meets Rainbow Da-” you start to quip before it’s interrupted by the P.A.I.N. flying straight into the ground into the pile of flaming armored carriages knocking them all back in a shockwave. When the dust clears he’s unconscious in the crater still covered in zap apple jam.
“…Oh son of a-”
WHAT DO YOU DO?