• Member Since 27th Apr, 2014
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In additon FiM I enjoy RPGs, Manga, Graphic Novels, Anime, Scifi, and Fantasy


Comments ( 152 )

It's a bit clunky, but I like it. Thumbs up to this one.

nice start, give the reader a littel teases of what will come and a deeper story then a one shot.

Could use more spacing and an editor, but this is pretty good so far.

Interesting, has some potential, but I'll agree that clunky is the right word. I don't like how quickly Spike accepts the queen, or how weak she is, whining and bemoaning wow is me. But it does look interesting, I'd just stop making Chrysalis such s weak character. Fascinating head canon though.

6114806 the reason for the "whining" should be made clear in the next few chapters. I fully intend on doing my best to make Chrysalis be a much stronger character.

She doesn't even realized that Spike has the 'double dragons'.

Okay. I like what I read so far (expect for Flash Sentry being with Twilight and the impossibly large penises.) I can actually see Spike acting the way he did despite what Chrysalis has done in the past. I just want to know why did the other hives try to kill off Chrysails' and how tall are these anthros anyway?
In any case, I will follow this story.

6115769 One, it's an alternate universe where they were all Anthros to begin with. Two, that's a ship I tolerate, while I don't dislike I also don't like it like that (and I felt Twilight needed someone as her significant other to help her through that point in her life, so I just went with one I saw a lot of fan works around). And three, he's a freaking dragon, the rules of their anatomy are different than most other creatures. Thus I answered your questions, without wording that required the use of spoilers.

1. I understand that they are anthros.
2. I understand you felt Twilight needed someone, but HIM? Some people are going to dislike this story just for that, I'm not one of them though.
3. I wasn't just talking about Spike. Do you realize the dimensions you gave them? Some of these stallions are wider than a dollar bill (which is six inches in length). I'm not arguing length because I know these guys are big and tall (at least 7 or 8 feet).

I'm sorry, but I couldn't figure out how to word myself here with the spoiler tag.:facehoof:

Damn, Chrysalis had a rough childhood. I can't wait for them to actually 'get it on'. I know it will be a long while until then. I love how Twilight said 'when' and not 'if' in her letter. I think the denizen of the whole Everfree Forest, Ponyville, and any other place nearby will hear when 'it' happens.:rainbowlaugh::twilightblush:

6117539 The next chapter is me delving a bit further into earlier years, so there will be a break in the sexual tension. It's more me trying to build up her character than anything else.

I couldn't help but chuckle at Chrysalis's daydreams XD

6117559 I don't mean. I like character and world building in stories.

They can't ignore it anymore and don't leave anything good out.

...wow...I...wow...I'm...is this because of me?

A shame he hasn't gotten wings yet. Females of winged species would probably go nuts over a big pair of those.

6118847 The main reason I didn't give him wings was because every fan art I've seen of an adult Spike he has wings, and wanted this adult Spike to be something that broke away from the pack.

Wow. Chrysalis was just an experiment. Now, it's time for the experiment to be terminated. Poor Chrysalis. Unfortunately, I have a feeling her coming to the princesses may expose her to her family. I wonder what Celestia and Twilight would think if they knew that Chrysalis is nice compared to other changelings.

6120964 Working on addressing it as we speak.

Part of me now wants for Spike to fuck the hell out of Chrysalis, if nothing more than to see what the dragon-changeling hybrids are gonna be like. And it seems like it could be the best of both worlds--they have their Queen Mother's traits, but at the same time, will have a lot of Spike's persona as well.

Chryssie's sisters and mother can't even comprehend what is gonna appear on the horizon. It's never a good thing to pretty much bully the runt of the litter, because that runt will eventually grow up. Payback is gonna be a bitch, ain't it?!

Great love it keep up your amazing writing

So, one question. How do you think Chrysalis is going to rebuild her hive with Spike (ex: Termite/Ant Queens when they get super pregnant with eggs?)

6121596 I give a hint in the next chapter.

Let me guess, she'll have over 9000 little ones?!?!!

Also you don't need an apostrophe( ')s if the name ends with a 's'.

6123090 That's not always true, and for me it's a force of habit. I once read a story, in a book, with a character named Regis, now seeing as Regi is also a name you will see from time time to time tacking the S on after the ' is typically a good ideas with characters like that. Because me knowing that some people have the name Regi and "Regis's" a few pages prior you can understand my annoyance at the publishers when I saw "Regis'".

While the sex scene was short, I say that it was a fine start in the art of sexual writing. I say that you should read some HEAVY sexual-oriented stories in order to get a better feel and dimension as how to write them. Best informative and kinky chapter to me so far, and I UTTERLY LOVE THIS STORY!!!!!!!!!!!

Another good chapter but all the dominatrix garbage has killed about 70% of my interest in this story.:applecry::fluttercry::pinkiesad2::raritycry::raritydespair:

I'm a little surprised at how accepting Twilight and Cadence were to Chrysalis and Spike's union. Even encouraging their intimacy. You do need a proof reader though.
BTW, in Twilight's letter, she said Rarity, Rainbow, and Pinkie were going there. How come it was Fluttershy instead of Rainbow?

Bout time they did it, it's a decent sex scene. Now to the questions of her reproduction: How many eggs is she growing in her wombs currently?

6125773 I'm sorry about that, I intended for it to be an amusing aspect to Chrysaliss's character, and a comedic point to Spike's sexual preferences.

It's not like the kinky couple rutting it in front of a crowd.

6127153 Yet, you have to remember what Chrysalis said about what is socially acceptable for changelings. Just because Chrysalis is taking on some of Spike's traits doesn't mean that she'll lose her own base traits.

Story for now is good, if a bit fast-paced. Though, do you have a editor helping you at the moment? This chapter has some problems in the time you give at the moment. For example that second to the last segment has Chrysalis at both six years old and nine years old. Another is just the general time frame of her flashbacks, which does not clarify when they would happen. Thank you for taking the time for reading this.

6127721 The spotty flashbacks were intentional, as was her youngest memory being one of the last she recovered.

Hmm, yeah I get, but still while I do appreciate what you're trying to do here it still feels inconsistent while reading it. Though can you address whether or not the six to nine year jump in age is either Cicada just cannot remember her children's age or if it's a typo?

Spike should deck every one of those that deck Chysalis...She's already remorseful about all that shit that happened over twelve years ago, and even knowing where she's really coming from, it seems Flutters, Rare, and Pinkie know that she didn't meant all the bad that she did and deserve a second chance.

Seriously, it's like all the others have ignorantly skipped the fact that SPIKE is her mate, and I'm pretty sure that dragons can go complete apeshit if they believe that their mates and offspring are in danger. I get being mad at how Chrysalis was back then, but they should forgive her--it seems that she forgive them, even though I don't think the mane 6 nor the princesses deserve Chrysalis' forgiveness.

Sorry, it just doesn't feel right to me; I understand that repararation had to be made by the Queen to Equestria, but if still doesn't feel right.

6174494 emotions are sometimes called the enemy if logic. Most of the Mane 6 and some of the support cast feel like at the very least Chrysalis needs some form of physical punishment, and their emotions give them some sort of impression that the actions are justified. At least Cadance's 'retribution' was reasonable.

Seeems Chrysalis has already become too nice. I just found it a little odd that they're all fine with punching her, yet she never points here that she never would've gotten so far if they all didn't abandon Twilight with just a few crocodile tears. Very strange considering she actually did say that right to their faces at the time.

6174554 Right, and the mane six don't deserve anything themselves for leaving Twilight at the altar. Same with Shining for essentially disowning her. Sorry, not criticizing you, just pointing that out.

6175848 You are right, but sometimes memories can have false elements to them (that is to say we put certain things in our memories that never happened, like a parent or sibling throwing fit in the hospital over the harm of a family member when it was really us doing all that)

You seriously need to tone down the expositions. 1/3 of the entire chapter consists on repeating what has been said, multiple times already.

Has there ever been a Changeling King?

Has Spike ever had the chance to search for his phoenix buddy Pee Wee?

6177328 I honestly haven't thought about Peewee until now.

Y U make her reapeate evetyting?
I feel like i am reading a dokumentary and Not a story

6184282 I'm sorry about that, but sometime repetition happens in real life. Sometimes a character repeating themself to by saying the same things to different characters can actually feel more natural.

Ahhh, a tragic back story can really flesh out a former (or current) villain can't it?

Has there ever been a Changeling King?

6186466 I'll get to that in a coming chapter, hopefully.

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