• Published 27th May 2015
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You Just Lost the Game! - Super Trampoline



My OC, Super Trampoline, is dating all of the Elements of Harmony plus the princesses plus the major antagonists plus the minor antagonists too! That's a lot of work! Also, he's obviously the seventh element. Read on for his many amazing adventures!

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Chapter 1: Applejack and the Large Number of Apples

It was a bright sunny day in Equestria, or at least the part where Ponyville is situated, as days in Equestria are wont to be, except when they aren't, which is a non-trivial amount of time. Birds were singing and stuff. As for myself, the bat pony named Super Trampoline, I was relaxing near the Ponyville Lake (the one that shows up once or twice a season, not to be confused with that reservoir that only appears in the Mysterious Mare Do Well. That episode sucked, so obviously it's not cannon.), tanning my leathery wings and solving Sudoku puzzles. I'm very good at Sudoku. It's one of my many talents, you see.

Suddenly, Applejack Apple galloped over to me. "Super Trampoline, my amazing coltfriend and all around upright and outstanding stallion, I need your help!"

A friend in need is a friend indeed, especially when she gives you smooches. "Well Applejack," I said, sure to start a new line of dialogue in a new paragraph, because I'm good at that stuff and definitely not an amateur hack that gets tripped up by spelling and grammar errors like most of those other wannabes who seem to think that they're dating my fillyfriends, "Whatever seems to be the matter?"

Applejack skidded to a halt, panting. Applejack is very athletic and well toned and has a nice butt, which I was certainly not staring at, so the fact that she was panting must have meant she had galloped here very quickly, or over a long distance, or some combination of the two. Another one of my talents is deductive reasoning. Anyway, Applejack replied, "Super, my love, I planted too many apples. I don't know what to do with them all!"

I love Applejack very much. She rarely beats around the bush. She gives it to you straight. You could say she's honest. Go on, say it. I mean, you don't have to if you don't want to, but I personally enjoy saying "Applejack is honest." So if she said that she planted too many apples, I assumed she meant it. Except I suspect she actually meant apple trees. Planting the fruits themselves, well, I mean, I guess I suppose what with the seeds inside that that might eventually sprout new trees, but I'm not really sure if the seeds need to be freed from the apple first. I may have many talents, but agriculture is not one of them. Fortunately I have a fillyfriend who is an excellent farmer!

So I asked Applejack, "So are you telling me your problem is that you have more apples than you can harvest and sell?"

"'Fraid so, Sugarcube," she said in her rustically charming way. "You're smart Super. That's why I love you. Well, one of the reasons." She blushed a little, and it was cute. "What do you think I should do with all these apples?"

One of my other talents is being generous. Not as generous as Rarity--another beau of mine, of course. I'm not a mary sue. But nonetheless I am pretty generous and so I like to help less fortunate ponies. I knew there was currently a famine and a drought going on in Saddle Arabia far far away. I knew this because I read the newspaper every day. Reading is another one of my talents. Mind you, most ponies can read, even blind ones, so it's not a very special talent. So I thought to myself, you know, I bet they would appreciate some apples out there. So I told Applejack, "Sweetheart, I think that since your farm is already very profitable since apparently you have a monopoly or something on selling apples or something I don't really know though I probably should look at your books sometime, why not donate those extra apples to poor starving foals in Saddle Arabia?"

"That's a great idea, Super!" she said, hugging me. She was really sweaty and stank a lot, but I didn't mind. In fact, the smell of hard work is quite pleasant. "But," she added, "how will we keep them from spoiling? And how will we transport them?"

These were valid concerns. I thought for a moment. "Well, Twilight Sparkle could probably work up a refrigeration spell. And, as for transportation, well, we have this excellent socialized public transport extending throughout our country called a railroad. Don't you use that for shipping apples already? And when the apples reach the coast, we can hire a small armada of zeppelins or something. It will be great positive publicity." Twilight Sparkle, by the way, is another one of my fillyfriends. Thanks to them dating me, she and Applejack have become even closer friends.

So with my toned batpony muscles and the hired help of a migrant worker (Trixie, who I'm also dating, but our relationship is long distance since she travels a lot.), we harvested all the extra apples and sent them to Saddle Arabia, so that they can be secretly sick of apples but too polite to complain about it just like I am.

Author's Note:

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