⇩ Please Downvote! ⇩

by Super Trampoline

Chapter 157: Applejack and the absurdity of going back jack and doing it again aka stop me if you've heard this one AKA there are differences I promise

Applejack and the Absurdity of Equestrian Foreign Policy

Hey, Applejack, I asked one day, not including quotation marks because bad boys break the rules (of grammar), and I'm certainly a very bad boy, you remember that time waaaaayyyyy back in the very first chapter which has to have been written like 8 years ago at this point when you had waaaaayyyyyy (that wasn't copy pasted I just retyped waaaaayyyyyy) too many apples, so you (thanks to my ingenuity of course lol) shipped a bunch of them off to Saddle Arabia cause they were having a famine or something?

Applejack paused from the thing she does in every single story that features her having a random conversation with somecreature else and the author adds even the barest bit of description to set the scene for and punctuate what would otherwise be exclusively talking heads dialogue, bucking apples, and trotted over to give me a kiss. I was also bucking apples, and having studied and trained under my girlfriend (Applejack)'s tutelage, was almost just as good at it as Applejack despite being an out-of-shape batpony, to the extent that one might even consider it to be one of my many special talents, and AJ wiped her brow of sweat sensually, said "Woo!", and trotted over to me to give me a smooch on the cheek before finally answering, "E'yup!"

I glowed, basking in the phosphorescent light of my incredible marefriend, with my own glow being an example of bioluminescence. I love Applejack so much. Also, she was using actual quotation marks whenever she spoke because unlike me, she's a very good girl. She doesn't speak in this paragraph though. I do, however: "Coolbeans. So, like, you know how the Dressage-a Strip of PalesTinyHorse Palequine is also struggling with starvation and misery and suffering and sickness and injury and sadness and despair and anger and helplessness and hopelessness and whathaveyou? What if you sent some of the apples you're harvesting now there this time? I'm sure they could use the delicious fruit and you have a bunch of apples I doubt you're using right this second.

Applejack laughed. "Oh Super, you're so smart and clever and caring and kind etc. and I think that's fantastic, and that these are only a few of the many hundreds of positive qualities you have. However, it pains me to tell you that while Isn'treal is directly responsible for this aforementioned suffering, they're our political allies and so we must support them in all forms and endeavors, and this includes turning a blind eye towards and even celebrating their war crimes. Helping innocent donkeys not starve to death (or be bombed to death, for that matter.) would be a smack in the face of our very important Isn'treal allies! I'm afraid your suggestion is out of the question. "

Having said her piece, she trotted back over to the tree she was bucking and resumed her hard, sweaty physical labor.

"Wow," uttered Super Trampoline to himself. "This feels like Deja Vu all over again!"

Somewhere in the far distance, a Bear was like, "Yo, gee! stop stealing my possibly misatributed quotes. Oh, and free Palestine!"

Author's Note:

Comments

[creamy-icicles93]

Well, when in Rome…

[Super Trampoline]

11739175
do as the Pikemin do

[RMWarPony]

I'm proud to say I haven't read a single page before down voting

[MarcusPyKnight]

Before i possibly make my eyeballs vomit from reading this, WHY specifically ask for downvotes?

[Luna MacArthur]

11739294
Asking the same question here.

[Super Trampoline]

11739294
Pokedex entry number 360
11739353

[Super Trampoline]

11739241

[hmaf43]

Why are we still here… just to suffer?

[Super Trampoline]

11743869
I give what I feel is a pretty good answer in my story ask not for whom the trash Dove flops, they flop for me

[Dopik]

"poked Polistine's nose"