> ⇩ Please Downvote! ⇩ > by Super Trampoline > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- > Chapter 1: Applejack and the Large Number of Apples > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- It was a bright sunny day in Equestria, or at least the part where Ponyville is situated, as days in Equestria are wont to be, except when they aren't, which is a non-trivial amount of time. Birds were singing and stuff. As for myself, the bat pony named Super Trampoline, I was relaxing near the Ponyville Lake (the one that shows up once or twice a season, not to be confused with that reservoir that only appears in the Mysterious Mare Do Well. That episode sucked, so obviously it's not cannon.), tanning my leathery wings and solving Sudoku puzzles. I'm very good at Sudoku. It's one of my many talents, you see. Suddenly, Applejack Apple galloped over to me. "Super Trampoline, my amazing coltfriend and all around upright and outstanding stallion, I need your help!" A friend in need is a friend indeed, especially when she gives you smooches. "Well Applejack," I said, sure to start a new line of dialogue in a new paragraph, because I'm good at that stuff and definitely not an amateur hack that gets tripped up by spelling and grammar errors like most of those other wannabes who seem to think that they're dating my fillyfriends, "Whatever seems to be the matter?" Applejack skidded to a halt, panting. Applejack is very athletic and well toned and has a nice butt, which I was certainly not staring at, so the fact that she was panting must have meant she had galloped here very quickly, or over a long distance, or some combination of the two. Another one of my talents is deductive reasoning. Anyway, Applejack replied, "Super, my love, I planted too many apples. I don't know what to do with them all!" I love Applejack very much. She rarely beats around the bush. She gives it to you straight. You could say she's honest. Go on, say it. I mean, you don't have to if you don't want to, but I personally enjoy saying "Applejack is honest." So if she said that she planted too many apples, I assumed she meant it. Except I suspect she actually meant apple trees. Planting the fruits themselves, well, I mean, I guess I suppose what with the seeds inside that that might eventually sprout new trees, but I'm not really sure if the seeds need to be freed from the apple first. I may have many talents, but agriculture is not one of them. Fortunately I have a fillyfriend who is an excellent farmer! So I asked Applejack, "So are you telling me your problem is that you have more apples than you can harvest and sell?" "'Fraid so, Sugarcube," she said in her rustically charming way. "You're smart Super. That's why I love you. Well, one of the reasons." She blushed a little, and it was cute. "What do you think I should do with all these apples?" One of my other talents is being generous. Not as generous as Rarity--another beau of mine, of course. I'm not a mary sue. But nonetheless I am pretty generous and so I like to help less fortunate ponies. I knew there was currently a famine and a drought going on in Saddle Arabia far far away. I knew this because I read the newspaper every day. Reading is another one of my talents. Mind you, most ponies can read, even blind ones, so it's not a very special talent. So I thought to myself, you know, I bet they would appreciate some apples out there. So I told Applejack, "Sweetheart, I think that since your farm is already very profitable since apparently you have a monopoly or something on selling apples or something I don't really know though I probably should look at your books sometime, why not donate those extra apples to poor starving foals in Saddle Arabia?" "That's a great idea, Super!" she said, hugging me. She was really sweaty and stank a lot, but I didn't mind. In fact, the smell of hard work is quite pleasant. "But," she added, "how will we keep them from spoiling? And how will we transport them?" These were valid concerns. I thought for a moment. "Well, Twilight Sparkle could probably work up a refrigeration spell. And, as for transportation, well, we have this excellent socialized public transport extending throughout our country called a railroad. Don't you use that for shipping apples already? And when the apples reach the coast, we can hire a small armada of zeppelins or something. It will be great positive publicity." Twilight Sparkle, by the way, is another one of my fillyfriends. Thanks to them dating me, she and Applejack have become even closer friends. So with my toned batpony muscles and the hired help of a migrant worker (Trixie, who I'm also dating, but our relationship is long distance since she travels a lot.), we harvested all the extra apples and sent them to Saddle Arabia, so that they can be secretly sick of apples but too polite to complain about it just like I am. > Chapter 2: Cadance and the Concept of Polyamory, and Also Some Stuff About Genetics > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- As I said in the description, I am currently dating all four princesses of Equestria. However, I was also dating Twilight before she became a princess. You might find some stories from back then in this collection too. Since I am only dating these ponies right now and haven't married any of them yet, we don't do anythings that would necessitate this collection having a "Teen" tag. Doing adult married-pony stuff if you're not married is wrong, and I'm a good pony. Cadance, or sometimes Cadence, spelled with an "e", depending on the time of day and the weather conditions, is the princess of love. While she's married to Shining Armor, she also has many other coltfriends. I am lucky to be one of them. While most males in Equestria have harems of sorts, because for some reason we have like three times as many females as males, which makes me suspect we were designed by something other than evolution, like perhaps a marketing department (I'm very smart, so I know this concept is called Fisher's principle.), Cadance is one of the less common females will multiple male partners. And a few female ones too. and a few mail partners too, also known as pen pals. Because we're progressive ponies. Anyway, Cadance doesn't get to spend a lot of time with me because she's busy doing wifey things with her husband and running an empire and whatnot, but she does believe in free love, provided it is backed by clear communication and trust. So when I do get to spend time with her, I enjoy adventuring (princess duties can be tedious) and making out. > Chapter 3: Super Trampoline and the Idiosyncrasies of Prench horn > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Author's Note: In case you haven't noticed during my two years here on this site, my cutie mark is a Prench horn. If you need a refresher course on what I look like, you can CLICK HERE. I understand that in the human world, it's called a French horn, which is weird because it's mostly German is design. Here in the pony (and other creatures) world, it's called a Prench horn, as if from Prance, except it's really Germane in design. It's a very difficult instrument to play, especially with hooves, which describes most instruments to be honest. Our valve combinations are a bit different than yours, but it's still a lovely creature with over four octaves of range, and I'm really glad I chose to play it. I got my cutie mark when I was sick of being one a dozen flautists at my school and wanted to stand out. I was told the horn is really hard and I wanted a challenge, and well, here I am today, still playing it and still in love with music.* But seriously, it's like all our instruments were designed with fingers in mind. Huh. Anyway, that's a very brief story about my Prench horn cutie mark. See, these chapters won't all be about my fillyfriends. > Chapter 4: Oh How the Mighty Have Fallen: A Hydra Fights Corruption Charges as a Batpony Fights Mary Sue Charges > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- As everypony knows, hydras are dangerous creatures. Except they aren't. Well, some of the time they are, but most of the time they just want to play tag, but their quite vocal way of going about it scares off a lot of ponies. One of the over-arching plot lines of this most excellent story you are now reading will be the integration of hydras into Equestrian society, and the stripping of prejudices from the minds of Equestrian populace. Today a hydra was sitting in court, accused of stealing money. He also washed the money, so he received the additional charge of money laundering. That's a joke. You're supposed to laugh at it. See, he had 400 bits on his person, and since Equestrian law is speciecist, hydras aren't supposed to even have our coinage. How messed up is that. So it was assumed that he had stolen the bits. It looked like he was going to be sentenced to having another 50 kilometers added to his exile radius, when I heroically flew threw a window, shattering it and getting glass everywhere and getting some cuts, one of which eventually got infected, which is my own darn fault, but that's another story for another day. Anyway, I landed all dramatically on the courtroom floor, dripping with glass shards and blood, and yelled, "I gave this hydra the money!" He was very grateful. Oh, his name is Florgishmontumeridaph, by the way. Giving him a name helps personify him. Anyway, I stood there and told the courtroom that I had given him 400 bits to bruise me. I was going to have him break a leg or something, but I'm a wimp and didn't really want to do that. I pulled a razor from my bag of holding, and shaved off a small patch of fur on the side of my barrel near my wing, revealing a purplish bruise. The crowd gasped. "Why would you do this?!" yelled one mare. "What a twist!" yelled . "Simple," I said. "I wanted to make it look like I lost a fight with a hydra. Would a Mary Sue or Gary Stew ever lose a fight with a hydra? Hmmmm? The evidence is ample, I am neither of those, but a simple everyday pony who happens to be dating a lot of beautiful and intelligent mares. Release this hydra, for he has done nothing wrong. It is I who should be punished." The courtroom erupted in pandemonium and stuff. The hydra stomped off through the hole in the wall it had created upon entering the room. I was sentenced to 10 hours of community service and a 200 bit fine for breaking the window. All in all, it was a good day. > Chapter 5: Angle Bunny is Acute Rabbit > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Angle Bunny wasn't eating his vegetables because he is a very picky eater. So I talked to him. Fluttershy taught me how to talk to animals. I'm not as good as her, but it still worked. I taught him how there are rabbits living in Saddle Arabia who are starving, so he should be thankful for his salad. So he ate it. "Wow, Super, you're so sweet and caring," Fluttershy sang-song as she threw a kiss on the tip of my muzzle. It was nice. I was tired, so I went and took a nap in a cloud. I can't shape clouds as well as pegasi, but they are still very comfortable. > Chapter 6: It Ain't Easy Being Sleazy > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- This one time, the Flim Flam Brothers came into town. Actually, it was like the third time. You'd think they'd get the hint to stop coming here. Actually, like the fourth time, if you count the comics, which I'm referencing right now because I'm aware of my reality as a bad OC in a fictional universe. Anyway, you'd think ponies would get a clue about their ways, but ponies can be pretty dumb some times. Luckily, my girlfriend Twilight isn't dumb. She's super duper smart. "Twilight," I said as she made me a sandwich in her Crystal Castle playset, them con artists are at it again. Don't we have some sort of deterrence to stop them from coming here ever couple seasons? I was talking about seasons of weather, not of an animated cartoon. I would never break the fourth wall. So uncouth. Anyway, Twilight responded, "Well, one, as long as ponies in Ponyville continue to be afflicted with what seems to be either general stupidity, short term memory loss, or a combination of both, I suspect they will continue to visit semifrequently." "And two?" I prodded. "Oh, your sandwich is ready, hon." "Why thank you mon petit ver," I replied. I also speak Prench, but I'm not a Mary Sue or anything because I'm honestly not that good at it. "Anyways, what should we do about it?" I continued. "Honestly, I feel like it's kind of a buyers beware thing at this point. As long as they aren't actually selling dangerous products..." I raised my green and blue eyebrows. "Granny Smith almost fell to her death." "Hmmm, yeah, I guess. What are they hawking this time?" "Something about subscriptions to a new telegraph service." "Sounds useful," she replied with a speech tag so that who was talking wouldn't get confusing. "Yeah, but there's probably a catch. Like a termination fee or maintenance fees or other fees I'm too lazy to think of." "Yeah, probably. Should we go do something?" "I don't know. How would Princess Celestia deal with this situation?" "She'd pawn the problem off to me." "Yeah, she kind of does that a lot doesn't she?" "Mhhm." "But hey, you got wings and a castle out of it." "Mhhm." "Wanna make out right now?" "Mhhm." > Chapter 7: Trixie Must Face the Realities of Her Place In Life > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- One day in mid July, April 2nd in fact, Trixie Lulamoon slunked into town. Notice how I said "slunked" rather than trotted or galloped or came or what have you. That's called using a word's connotation beyond just its denotation. It shows Trixie isn't very trustworthy. I mean, she did try to take over Ponyville. Anyway, she came to my plain, humble abode (I may be a great pony but I don't want to show off my wealth or anything. Actually tee bee eitch I'm not that rich anyway. Friendship is more precious than gold anyway. So is having 13.5 filly friends.) and knocked on the front door. I answered it. "Why, hello Trixie. How unpleasant of you to show up. What can I do for you?" "The Greeeeeat and Powerful Triiiiixie would like to take you on a date!" I gasped. "Me?!? You want to date me of all ponies?" "Yes. Long I have admired your shortish stature, your unsightly haunch, your excessive laziness, and other flaws of yours. While other ponies may see them as flaws, I merely see them as necessary evils to keep you from being too perfect. Because if you were too perfect, then I would not be worthy of your love and affection, but rather just a sycophantic tag along." "Hmmm, Tag Alongs are good cookies," I mused. "So Trixie," I replied, "You are saying you like me." "Yes." "You have a crush on me?" "Yes." "You wish to date me?" "Yes." "You seek my companionship?" "Yes!" "You want to--" "Yes, yes, yes, and YES!" Trixie shouted. "Trixie wishes to throw herself upon your threstal body! Quit teasing Trixie's heart so!" "Very well," I chuckled. "You may fill out this form to become my waifu-in-training". I hoofed her a twelve-page legal document. "But super, this is so much red tape!" "Sorry," I said, "blame Twilight. But the way to my heart is through my forms. I would love to add another lovely mare to my harem, but you will have to earn your place." "Trixie will not dissappoint you! She will love you long time!" And with her trademark flash of smoke, she was off, galloping away. Meanwhile, deep beneath the earth some several hundred miles away: ..."My Lord, the latest reports have returned: He only grows more friendly and cordial by the minute. Shall we take action?" A dark, shadowed, creepy, hidden face with glowing features upon its creepy visage laughed. "Ha ha ha, it is time for Super to meet his match. It is time to enact my evil plan. It is time for this story to have an over arching plot and antagonist. That's me, of course. It is time for... THE CRIMSON AND CHARCOAL RISE OF FURY STEELBLADE!" DUN DUN DUNNNNN!!! > Chapter 7.5: A gift for Estee > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- -1 > Chapter 8: Rise of Shining Armor's Food Cart Empire > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Shining Armor wasn't super happy that I was dating both his sister and his wife. I mean, I consider it's understandable that he'd get a little jealous, but there's no need to be greedy. Share the love, as a certain hugger of trees would say.. So anyway I told him maybe he should look into some new hobbies. So he opened a hot dog stand in the Chrystal empire. It didn't do so hot, you know, ponies not liking meat and all that. But he learned from it and he opened a kimchi stand a few months later. That went over a lot better with the chrystal ponies who needed some spice in their culinary life. Soon, he hired somepony to run that stand for him and split the profits and he bought another stand and turned it into a pancake stand. That really was popular! I mean, who doesn't like pancakes? Not anypony. We all love pancakes! Then he opened other food stands and carts and stalls. Like ones for tacos and bananas and pickles and fries and so on. And eventually twenty percent of all restaurant sales were going through him but then the crystal ponies started getting fat and unhealthy since fast food is bad for you so eat at home kids. ~Paid for by the Equestrian Super Market Association > Special Guest Author Protopony350: Super Tramampoline gets spied on by a lesser pony who also wishes to put an end to Friday forever > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Here's the thing! My name is Cloppy the Horse. My dream was crushed at an early age because I wanted to be the most loved pony horse in all of Equestria, but that dream was crushed when Super Tramampoline was born. He was born on a Friday, MY favorite day! This would not stand! I WILL have my revenge! I walked to the milkshake hut to have myself a smoothie, but wouldn't ya know it? Trapapoline was having lunch with Sunset Shimmer who had come back to Equestria JUST to be with Sugar Frapoline! SHE WAS MY FIRST LOVE also This is the first time I've ever seen her. This would not stand! I WILL have my revenge! I decided to check the local library for some books on how to kill a day of the week, but my eyes were assaulted by the image of Scooter Gasoline SMOOCHING Twilight Sparkle! How DARE he? She's MY honybun! Or she would be if I ever talked to her. This would not stand! I WILL have my revenge! Well I was just about ready to kill Subpar Stupidline (Lol I just came up with that why won't any mare slove me I'm so funny!) when I realized I needed to go to the mall because it was half off on turtle wax day! Oh man I REALLY NEEDED SOME MORE TURTLE WAX so I headed to the mall. But OH NO on the way I saw Supper Tortellini walking home with ALL of the turtle wax! Oh man he was headed to Rainbow Dash's house to help clean Tank and after that make out! This would not stand! I WILL have my revenge! So I came up with a plan! I'd KILL Luna and Celesita, but only on Fridays so they can't do that sun and moon thing. They could still live on the other days but if I caught them living on Friday I'd kill them! But OH BOY HERE WE GO AGAIN! Snapper Vaseline was in Canterlot, and he was holding horse hands with TRIXIE! I ACTUALLY KNOW TRIXIE AND SHE IS THE BEST PONY AND I AM IN LOVE WITH HER AND I SENT HER A TON OF LOVE LETTERS AND FLOWERS AND WHEN SHE DIDN'T ANSWER ME I SENT HER A VILE OF MY OWN TEARS OH BOY AM I ROMANTIC OR WHAT ALSO SHE GOT SOME COURT ORDER AGAINST ME OR SOMETHING I DON'T KNOW I DON'T READ MY MAIL! This would not stand! I WILL have my revenge! I made it to the castle! Also it is Thursday at 11:50 PM so I have to work fast to kill Friday! I snuck into the castle and I saw BOTH PRINCESSES at the food table! And not only that, BUT I ALSO saw Soccer Maybelline EATING COOKIES WITH THEM! Cookies are MY FAVORITE FOOD! My Cutie Mark was a cookie! How DARE he eat a cookie and also get all kissy kissy with the Princesses? This would not stand! I WILL have my revenge! So I walked right up to all 3 of them and pulled out the Princess slaying sword! BUT WITH A BURST OF POWER Singer Palpatine unleashed a storm of pure love magic that had been within him all along but it took someone threatening his loves to make it manifest. And now I am being burnt alive. I looked up at the amazing and dashing pony. "Any last words?" He asked me. "This will not stand, I WILL have my revenge!" and after that I turned into a pile of bones. Something else happened but I spilled juice on that page. THE END! > Chapter 9: Even Ponies As Awesome As Me Get Depressed Sometimes. > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- So last night my friend who has anger issues and no self-esteem and probably should see a therapist but insists she's fine yelled at me after I told her that she "Over reacts to everything." More stuff happened involving a potluck and a song recording session, but suffice to say I've felt meh today. Which is pretty rare. Usually I just feel lazy. So anyway I felt kind of down so I called all my fillyfriends over to my house and we cuddled, because cuddling makes everything better, especially when it's with a bunch of awesome ponies. > Chapter 10: You Better Believe I've Got Trix Up My Sleeves, Except I Don't Have Sleeves. > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- So one day I was bored so I decided to visit my girlfriend Trixie. Trixie used to be a minor antagonist but now she is sort of good. I say sort of because she still has a lot to learn but then again don't we all. Well, by "we" I mean everypony but myself, for we all fall short of the glory of Super Trampoline. Ponies can still aspire to rise to my glory and perfection, of course. I'm a benevolent pony. Anyway Trixie lived in a wagon now and travelled all over Equestia, which honestly is what she did before she visited Ponyville too so I guess not much has changed. We write a lot of letters to each other and it's super romantic, just like I am toward all of my fillyfriends, for romanticness is next to Godlyness and I'm pretty godly. So we write lots of mushy letters to each other but today she was actually back in Ponyville. I like her charisma and excellent showmareship. She likes that I comissioned her a new wagon after the Ursurus Major crushed the first one. Also, our shared mutual love of Pyrotechnics. Anyway, since she was in town, we headed to the remote foothills a few miles outside of town to where we were all alone, just us, and we did something very intimate that only two ponies who really love should do together. We blew sht up! > Chapter 11: Darn Luna, You Scary! > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- It is no secret that I have a lot of girlfriends. It is also no secret that Luna is one of them. After she returned from her tragic exile, I was one of the first to comfort her and be there for her. Here's a tip for the stallions (Or mares, if that's your style): when a mare is feeling down, you should always remind them that you're a great friend who's always there for them. Trust me, it works like a charm. Anyway, one day, Luna accidentally spilled her orange juice. It was like 11:30 at night, and she was just waking up. That's the cool thing about Luna, she's nocturnal, so if I feel awake at night, I can just fly over to Canterlot and hang out with her. Anyway, she spilled her orange juice and this really, really upset her, so she launched a burst of powerful magic, and like Elsa in Frozen, she froze a large part of the dining room. I had to calm her down, but I'm great at comforting mares, so that wasn't very difficult. She thanked me for being unafraid to placate her, and I responded by reaching in for a kiss, and then we made out on top of the frozen dining room table for about an hour until I fell asleep on her belly. Overall, a pretty good end of a day, I'd say. > Chapter 14: I Did the Thing Samurai Jack Wanted To Do But Never Could > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Colors, tastes, sensations etc. returned to me as I found myself standing on a pathway on the edge of town. I shook the dizziness from my head and took stock of my surroundings. It was daytime, probably late afternoon, and the temperature was hot, but not unbearably so. Ponyville lay ahead, a bit smaller than I was used to, and lacking a gaudy castle towering above the surrounding quaint thatched roof cottages. I sniffed the air; it smelled like opportunity. Happily, I cantered into town, stopping the first stallion I could find to ask, "Excuse me good sir, but what is today's date?" He happily answered "Why, a bat pony! We don't see your type around here very often. Maybe you can help some ponies learn about accepting those who are different from you in a few months." "You mean taking a few months to accept them, or that this will occur a few months from now?" I asked, seeking clarification of the ambiguous statement. Making people clarify their unintentionally unambiguous statements is one of my many talents. He happily clarified. "Oh, dear me. The later." "Thank, you," I replied, satisfied. "But the date, sir?" "Oh, right, well, today is __/__/____ [The measure and passage of time in this land is vague and contradictory, so just pretend he some time about two to four years ago.]. Have you heard the news? Rumor has it, the Princess is sending her very own apprentice, Twilight Sparkle, to oversee preparations for the Summer Summer Sun Summer Sun Celebration!" "Oh, really?" I responded, feigning surprise. "Well, then I better be on my way. I have much planning to do myself!" This wasn't strictly untrue. I did have plans to make. "Alright then, young lad, you be on your way then!" he said, happily. Ponies days are always a little brighter after I visit them. I trotted off towards my destination. Ten minutes later, I reached said destination, one of Ponyville's many quaint thatched roof cottages. Here came the weird part. I flew up to the second story balcony and unlocked the door, trotting into what appeared to be a very messy bedroom. "Hello, is somepony there?" A voice asked from behind a restroom door. "Yeah, it's Rainbow Dash," I lied, throwing my voice. One of my many talents is impersonating other ponies, and Dash happens to be one of the easier ponies to copy. "Oh, kay, out in a second," the stallion replied. I sat down on the bed and waited. A few minutes later, I heard the whoosh of running water, and the door opened. Into the room stepped a handsome dark-furred batpony with wild lime green and sapphire blue mane and tail. He gasped. "Y-y-y-who are you?" I smirked cooly at my younger, more naïve self. "I'm you, but stronger!" > Chapter 15: Ain't No Rest For the Lazy > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Okay, so here's the deal," I told my younger self: "I'm you from the future, here to relive what is now my past. Us interacting constantly is a recipe for disaster of the wibbly wobbly timey wimey sort. Doh ho ho a Doctor Who reference I'm so clever!" Past me looked nonplussed. Isn't that a lovely word, nonplussed? I think it's lovely. Ahem. "Anyway, here--" I hoofed him an envelope "--is a list of future happenings you should gamble on. Make wise bets and you'll be set for a few decades. Go do the traveling you've always wanted to do and be sure to write home." "Uuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh?" "Right, it's a lot to take in. I'll be back in a few hours. Pack up and take care!" So I left him--who I guess was me, but now in a different universe, because I don't remember traveling around Equestria like Echo the Diamond Dog (RIP!)--to do his packing and get a train ticket and whatnot. I had some incoming librarians to romance. > Chapter 18: MEANWHILE... > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thousands of miles away, high above the surface of Equestria, orbited a moon. I should know; astronomy is one of my many special talents. On that moon, stood a very, very bored horse looking through a telescope it had somehow constructed out of moon rock. "Oh, minions," she shouted evily, "it appears that Celestia's prized pupil is no longer around to defend her. Canterlot shall be mine for taking. BWAHAHAHAH!" Lightning would have flashed at this moment, but there was no lightning on the moon. There also were no minions. But as she peered through the telescope to track Twilight Sparkle, though at this point in time the moon horse did not yet know the small studious unicorn's name, so she simply referred to her as "Awkward Small Purple One", she noticed that the mare had come into contact with a most fetching batpony. Wow, what a looker. Nightmare Moon, as the horse called herself, blushed. "Something something moon innuendo pun," she whinnied. "Sure, I'll bring about everlasting night when I return, but I have a secondary mission now: Make senpai notice me!" > Chapter 19: WHEANMILE... > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Gilda the Griffon looked around Griffonstone. It was pretty sad place, although they had a killer SynthPop musican named BlackGryph0n there. Other than that it was pretty lame. "Mare, this place sucks. I need a vacation. I think I'll hoof claw it over to Ponyville and see if Rainbow Dash is still floating about in some backwater weather department like the kinda loser she is. "And hey, maybe I'll meet a hot stud*" *Like Super Trampoline** **She didn't actually say or think this, but it was implied*** ***Probably. > Chapter 20: WHILEMEAN... > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sonic sat in Emerald City or whatever his homeworld is called, and thought deeply. "I get this feeling that a cartoon horse character wants me to do a crossover appearance in his harem comedy just to rustle more jimmies. Welp, not like I've got anything else to do this afternoon!" So he ran really really fast, so fast in fact that he left his own dimension! WHERE WOULD HE END UP!?!?!?!? > Chapter 21: Something Happens and I'm Head Over Heels > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- She's beautiful. She doesn't know it, but she's beautiful. The way she's so shy and awkward, yet instantly perks up when science and magic is involved, the fact that she's 17 and not fat, the fact that her parents aren't bad looking and must have passed on some good genes, and the fact that she's well on her way to being one of the most powerful mares in the world soon. "Welcome to Ponyville, Twilight." This time it is her turn to be amazed by me. Sure, I'm overweight, short, dropped out of college, hop from job to job, and not particularly handsome, but I'm smart, charismatic, and I have a big heart, and stallions, that's all you ever need to woo a girl, and if she doesn't accept you for who you are, she's obviously not worth it. But Twilight recognized I was worth it, because, just like the last time I met her for the first time, she blushed and stammered a bit. "Uh, h-h-hello, sir. What's your name?" "My name is Super Trampoline. Princess Celestia says you're quite the magic prodigy. It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance!" "You know the Princess?" "Well, yeah, we're cuddle buddies and smooch partners sometimes." Her eyes narrow, "She's never mentioned you. Why haven't I ever seen you around the castle?" "Oh, we keep it on the down low. She want's me to be able to live a normal life without the press following me everywhere. You know how it is." "Heh, well okay then. A friend of Celestia is a friend of mine." I smiled. My charm was already making her feel at home. "So, can I give you a tour of the town?" "Sure!" So off we went. First Destination: Sweet Apple Acres. > Chapter 24: Applejack Bakes Bread > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Meanwhile, back in the present, Applejack was baking a loaf of bread because she was hungry. She would slice it up and put apple butter on it as a delicious snack for later. As well as Apple jam. Little did she know that a mysterious figure was waiting in the bushes to ambush her as she walked out to check the mail. Oh, what suspense! Who could it be? Find out next chapter! > Chapter 25: Applejack Faces Her Insecurities > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- A dark mysterious figure leaped from the bushes and pounced on Applejack. "Nyah! I'm your insecurities! UwU :3" It was like a color drained version of herself, dark and edgy as a Sonic OC. The figure pinned Applejack to the ground. Applejack grimaced. "Ya varmit! What you do want me?" "I want to remind you that Super Trampoline makes lots of background pony jokes and you have no special powers or interesting character arcs." "Eeyup." "Also Super Trampoline makes you do his dishes and cook for him and bathe him and in general treat you more as a servant than a fillyfriend." "Eeyup." "Also he steals money from the Apple Family and cooks the books and runs an illegal poison joke operation out of the Everfree with Zecora." "Eeyup." "Also he calls you mean names and puts you down and beats you." "Eeyup." Applejack's insecurities awkwardly crawled off of her doppleganger, brushing herself off and blushing. "So, uh, this doesn't bother you or make you sad and depressed?" "Nope." Her insecurities scrunched her face and huffed. "What?! Why not?! You should be devistated!" Applejack smiled in her simple plain unassuming down-to-earth pony way. "Nah, sure Super Trampoline is abusive, but I love him. He's only mean to me because he cares about me. The Offspring wrote an excellent song about this called 'Self-Esteem'. I wouldn't leave him for anything, even if he threatened to kill me." "Dude, you are messed up," Her insecurities muttered. "I'm out of here." And she cantered into the forest. > Chapter 26.1 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Celestia decided she needed a vacation, so she hopped on a train and travelled to Appleloosa. It was pretty hot there, but there was a really sweet Haywaiian shaved stand that she frequented often. Plus there was Braeburn. She never minded hanging out with him! Then Luna started singing, which was really good but totally ruined the mood. > Seeing someone treated respectfully by a parent left your character with a sense of respect. An act of dishonesty on the part of a mentor left your character feeling resentful and made your character decide to get even. Your character had many friends g > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Sonic!" Super Trampoline exclaimed exclaimingly. "Such a surprise to see you here, old pal!" "Old Pal?!?!?!?" Everypony else exclaimed simultaneously, all dramatic. "Yeah," Sonic said coolly, as in in a really cool way, not as in detached and unenthusiastic, "My pal Tramps and I go way back!" "Yep," I continued, "He was my first boyfriend, back when I was not a pony, but rather an enigma. I mean echidna." "Wow," Rainbow Dash said, "just when I thought things couldn't get any weirder." But things did get weirder. At that very moment, the ground rumbled, and from a fallow field on Carrot Top's farm, out rumbled... THE UNDERMINER!!! > The Freedom Fighter > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Original title: [Accidentally Slightly Decent Chapter] We are Stars We are Golden We are Sha la la Mouse Lightbulb Mommy always read to me my favorite bedtime story when I was young. It was about the brave batpony Super Trampoline, who used his amazing charm and music compositional skills to save the day and get all the mares. It inspired me. In these scary times we live in, with the Timberwolf-Diamond Dog alliance closing in upon our borders, that sometimes you just need a cool pony to look up to. One night I couldn't sleep. The sound of Balefire bombs shrieked in the distance. There was a war going on, and mommy hadn't come back in two days. I was really worried about what happened to her. There are some bad ponies out there who do bad things. It makes me sad. That night, I tried to sleep, a bit hungry. I wanted to eat more bread, but Mommy told me that bread is scarce, and that I better save it for later. I wish I could be brave like her. I wish I could be brave like they say Super Trampoline was! Suddenly, there was a knock on the window! I jumped, but didn't make a sound. I galloped into the closet as quickly as I could. I wish Mommy was here right now! But whoever was knocking on the window, they weren't a bad pony after all! "Hey, squirt!" the voice called. I recognized that voice. He was one of the freedom fighters I saw dashing around town occasionally. I ran back out to open up the window latch. He flew in. He was carrying another pony. He carefully placed her on the floor. It was Mommy! Oh mommy! She looked tired and hurt, but she was alive. I nuzzled her, and her eyes fluttered open. A faint smile graced her muzzle. "Oh, sweetheart, I'm glad you're still here, she said." "Mommy, mommy, mommy! I'm glad YOU'RE here! You're back you're back you're back!" I was so happy. I turned to thank the mysterious stranger, but he was already almost gone. I ran to the window to catch him flying away. A gust lifted his secretive cloak, and for a flash, I swore I saw a bushy green and blue tail, and perhaps, just perhaps, a french horn cutie mark. Could it really be?... > If you don't Vote, downvote > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Once upon a time Twilight Sparkle hopped through a mirror into the human world and told me to go vote. So I went and voted. Voting is important. I mean, in Equestria it's a monarchy, but we still vote on local issues and positions. It isn't all civil service meritocracy. Anyway, here in the human world, Twilight explained that voting was important seriously why am I writing this on like three hours of sleep. Look this story stopped being clever fifteen chapters ago and I'm just blabbling go vote. > Chapter Twenty Eight: In Which Rainbow Dash is Sick and Applejack Bakes Pie > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Rainbow Dash was sick. Too bad, really; she doesn't deserved to be sick. I mean, most ponies don't, really. Only really bad ponies, like Sombra. He's dead though, so that's a moot point. Anyway, Applejack is a really sweet pony, so she decided to bake an "I'm sorry you're sick" pie for Rainbow Dash. She's really a great pony, even if other ponies are mean to her, and call her mean names like "silly pony" and "background pony". Anyway, do you want to guess the type of pie she baked? I'll give you a minute. That's right she baked an apple pie! I bet you thought she was going to be subversive and bake a blueberry pie or a tofu pot pie!* Nope! Good old fashioned Apple Pie, that good old fashioned Applejack. You thought I was going to tell you how she made it, didn't you? Nope; check the author's notes if you want to know. Anyway, she can't fly, so I carried her to Rainbow's house and she delivered the pie and it was very sweet and we ate the pie together and after we were all full we all made out to make Rainbow Dash feel better. Making out always makes a pony feel better. > Chapter 29: The Return of Florgishmontumeridaph > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- You may recall from chapter four, Hydras experience widespread discrimination in contemporary Equestrian society. Inasmuch, many hydras left the territories. But Florgishmontumeridaph was determined to make it. Inasmuch, one day, he paid a visit to an old friend, me, Super Trampoline. I had previously helped him out in court, and he wanted to both repay the favor and help himself. So he came to visit me. “Hello, Super Trampoline,” the four-headed beast bellowed. “I’d like to open a massage parlor here in Ponyville. Would you like to be a practice customer?” “Sure,” I said. “Just don’t, uh, crush me, please.” Florgishmontumeridaph nodded. Rather than use his arms, since he didn’t have any, he used his various tongues to gently massage my back. It felt very nice, as my back had been sore lately, on account of bucking trees with Applejack last week. I sighed in bliss as I felt my tendons and ligaments and muscles and bones released endorphins. This went on for twenty minutes, and when he was finished, my back was slobbery, but super relaxed. I smiled. “Florgishmontumeridaph, that felt wonderful. I think this massage business idea could really take off.” Florgishmontumeridaph‘s heads smiled in unison. “Awesome. Can you help me get a business license?” ‘Sure thing dude.” Then we went out for drinks. > Chapter 30: Sunset Cuddles > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Super Trampoline yawned. He had had a very long day of writing music and pulling carts here and there and also playing some board games with his friend Sound Byte. Sound Byte was a computational machine programmer and also played cello. Anyway, he kept yawning, and Sunset Shimmer noticed. She was staying at his place during a brief trip back to the Pony world. She had a different boyfriend back in the human world, but here in Ponyville, all the main characters are dating Super Trampoline. “Tramp, Honey, if you are so tired, you should just go to sleep and stop writing ‘My Tiny Gecko’ fanfiction.” She was right of course. So Super Trampoline finished the chapter he was writing and went to sleep. > Beginning of the Black and Red Alicorn OC Arc: Chapter 31: The Beginning of a Plot > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- One time I was plowing Applejack's fields (literally; this is rated everyone) when suddenly a mysterious red and black alicorn descended from the heavens. "Brother," he declared, "You must come help us. Our people are sickly and slowly dying, and we must find the Magical Elexir of Wellness if we are to survive the winter. Please, come help search for it, that us black and red alicorns might not perish from this Earth!" I'm a nice guy, so I naturally agreed to help. And so begins the story of my... transformation. > Chapter 32: Back to the Past > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Black and Red alicorn placed a bat wing upon my withers, and recited the following incantation: "I like large flanks and I cannot lie, Now to the past we must fly. Into the blue vortex Wearing spandex." We flew into the past. When my eyes opened, We were surrounded by green folliage. "My child," the alicorn intoned in dulcet tones, "We are in the past, when the Magical Elexir of Wellness still exists. In the present, the army of evil mare e-sues have destroyed it, but since we are here in the past, we may find the elexir and save our kind." "Hey, by the way, friend, what is your name?" I asked. "Oh, dear friend, my name is immaterial. But if you must know, my name is John Henry. And you shall help me save our kind." > Chapter 33: A Leave of Our Previous Plot To Talk About Gardening > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- One day, Super Trampoline was sunbathing when three mares approached him. "Super," they said in turn, rotating who said what word, "We hear you are an extremely charming stallion, and we were wondering if you'd like to deadhead some flowers." They all blushed in unison. It's true; I'm extremely charming, but I'm not exactly a huge fan of gardening. Still, these three mares obviously wanted to spend time with me, and really, can you blame them? So over the course of the afternoon, I learned a bit more about both how cutting the dead flowers off of certain plants helps them grow better, and about the skittish but lovely Daisy, Lily, and Roseluck. How charming they all are. I think I'm smitten, and the feeling is mutual. My harem may soon grow by three it seems. > Chapter 34: Applejack's Eyebrows > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Applejack gets the short end of the stick too often, being called "Background Pony" and whatnot. But she really is a caring, loyal, hardworking pony. Oh and of course honest. But I don't want to talk about that today. Today, I want to talk about Applejack's Eyebrows. Now, as you may know, Most horses don't have eyebrows. But AJ does, and they're amazing. She's so expressive with them, from flexing them to wiggling them to even simply raising them, all the animated expressions she makes are priceless, and that's just one of the many reasons I love her so much. Thank you, Applejack, for being my fillyfriend. > Chapter 35: The Rainforest > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- John Henry and I flew above the canopy to survey the land. It seemed we were in a lush tropical forest, the calls of birds and howls of monkeys surrounding us. A veritable verdant paradise, but paradise can hide many hidden dangers, so we best not tarry. "Where to?" I asked my black and red companion. "Lo, do you see yonder in the distance, that plateau? The one with the two waterfalls gracing its ridges? That is where our ally's camp lies. We must make haste to greet the Nyan'mc'cyan Cat ponies, for they alone know where the Magical Elexir of Wellness is hidden. Now come friend, let us be off!" So we flew to the plateau, high above the beautiful tropical trees. It was tough work in the sweltering humidity, but after an hour of flying, we made it to this camp high atop the plateau, as close to a city in the sky one could still have on land. And what I saw, shocked me to my very core... > Chapter Thirty Six: And Also The Major Antagonists. > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Deep, deep, deep I descended into the depths of Tartarus. The stairs numbered in the thousands and I wondered why they never bothered to build an elevator. Good thing despite being overweight I have plenty of stamina and strength. Anyway eventually I reached a cage and in that cage was T-Rex Tirek. "Hey, Honey," I said to announce my presence. "How's it going in Tartarus?" The Centaur turned to face me, only to groan loudly. "Auuugh! Not you again. Don't call me Honey! We're not dating! Go away, foul threstral!" Welp, I guess you can't win them all. The heart-shaped box of chocolates I had brought remained ensconced within my saddlebags as the guards escorted me on the long trek back towards the surface. > Chapter 37: The OCs That Time Forgot > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- There before me, milling about all over this plateau, were hundreds of red and black alicorn OCs! It was an amazing sight my eyes had thus far never been blessed with seeing! Some head bat wings. Some had ear piercings. Some had gnarly scars on their faces. And some looked like they had been drawn by a six-year-old. Which considering the target audience of the show is entirely possible. But they were all United by their red and black color scheme, the horn on their head, and the wings on their back. At Last I had found their tribe. With tears of joy in my eyes, John Henry led me into the camp. "Super Trampoline, come. Let me introduce you to my friends." And we walked together through this amazing land that time had forgotten. He led me to a tent, and inside, I found... > Chapter 38: The Elder > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- As my eyes adjusted to the murky atmosphere inside, they can to rest on an older mare, just as red and black as the rest of the ponies there. She smiled a wise smile worn by years of wisdom. "Ah, come in my child. Super Trampoline, I've heard much of your exploits in the future." Her voice was dulcet honey to my ears. "I'm glad to hear that, but how can you know about what hasn't happened yet, Miss..." A chuckle. "My name is Midnight Shadow Blood Rasor (typo included) Blender Walmart Bad OC Steve Crunchy Rafflesia. But you can call me Steve. And I know much, including your destiny, young grasshopper. I also know your mission. Would you like to hear it?" I sat attentively before her. "Yes, Master Steve. I have been brought across time and space to this plateau to save your peoples. Tell me how I shall accomplish this. She coughed. "I am the very first red and black alicorn OC, created by accident way back during G1.5. I have seen many sights and taken many lovers during my time here on Equiis. That's why my name's so long, by the way." But the queerest happening my eyes has witnessed is the rise of the Mare E-Sues. These rogue Alicorns are jealous of our black and redness, believing only they alone are perfect enough to bear the title of Mary Sue. They have been hunting us down and poisoning us with incurable sicknesses. Only the Magical Elixir of Wellness can save us, but there is a catch." "What's the catch?" I asked. "The Elixir is so pure that were one of us perfect black and red alicorn OCs were to wield it, it would be too much pureness in the world and the elixir will decay so that the world is not destroyed by he or she that wields it. That's where you come in. We need a pony who is still pure of heart, but not quite a Mary Sue to wield the Magical Elixir of Wellness on our behalf. You're dating Applejack, and more importantly aren't an alicorn OC, so you aren't a Mary Sue. So dearest Super Trampoline, will you wield the Magical Elixir of Wellness and cure our peoples?" I opened my mouth to answer, when suddenly... ...To Be Continued > Chapter 39: Meanwhile Back at the Farm > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Applejack kicked one of her apple trees with a mighty thump, producing not one but two "Auuugh!"s. "Huh?" Soon both Trixie and Rainbow Dash fell out of the tree. As they stumbled to their hooves, Applejack stared at them with raised eyebrows. "Now what are all y'all doin' consortin' in this here appul tree?" Rainbow was the first to answer. "Oh we were just practicing Prench* kissing for when Super Trampoline gets back from uhhhh, wherever he is." Applejack shook her head and sighed. "I'm disappointed in you two. Y'all were sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, and yuh didn't invite me?" Trixie and RD looked at each other, surprised they hadn't thought of that. And the three spent the rest of the afternoon making out together. > Chapter 40: The Attack > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Red alert! Red Alert! Enemy Mare E-Sues are inbound !" Came a voice from outside. Everypony scrambled out of the tent. In the distance, perhaps a mile a way, hundreds of colorful dots punctured the blue horizon. "Super Trampoline!" Steve galloped up to me. "Super Trampoline, you must find the Temple of Supreme Awesomeness. Inside you shall find the Magical Elixir of Wellness. Bring it back to what is left of this camp. You must go now before the Mare E-Sue's spot you." "But Steve," I asked, "what of you and your peoples?" "We shall stay and fight. We can win this battle, but not this war. For that, you are our only hope. I believe in you! Now go!" > Chapter 41: The Escape > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Take this," Steve said, hastily buckling saddlebags around my barrel. "There's supplies, compass, tent, flares, a knife, a map, etc. in here. Everything you might need. We think the Temple of Supreme Awesomeness is only a few dozen miles away. You'll know in your heart when you've come upon it. Now hurry, the Mare E-Sues are almost upon us! Make haste with your exit! Stay low for a while. Goddesspeed to you, young one!" With that, I flexed my leathery wings and dived off the cliff into the tropical jungles below, ready to fulfill this mission, and perhaps, my destiny. > Chapter 42: The Jungle Part 1 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- I dived into the underbrush of the forest, soaring between trees on my thin membranous bat wings. Behind me, the sounds of battle fading in the distance. My new friends were fighting for their lives, and I couldn't let them down. I headed away from the plateau, until after an hour of flying I was over several ridges away. I figured I was safe to fly up above the trees and Survey the surroundings. I had to fly perhaps a thousand feet up to see the plateau and it was but a distance spec. I hoped my friends were all right. I got out my map. There was a big X perhaps ten miles away. I figured I should head towards that. Hopefully I would find the Magical Elixir of Wellness there. > Chapter 43: The Jungle Part 2 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Using the compass Steve had provided me with, I made my way towards the X on the map. After an hour of flying, I stopped for lunch, and after lunch, I flew high up into the sky. All around me are familiar faces, I saw jungle. But one spot had far less forest growing. I zoomed down to investigate. It was a pyramid. I had found the Temple of Supreme Awesomeness. I circled the pyramid, until I saw the entrance. This was it. It was time for an adventure. I dropped down to the ground and grabbed a flashlight from my saddle bag, and entered the Temple of Supreme Awesomeness. And when my eyes adjusted to the dimness of the interior (It wasn't a very strong flashlight), you won't believe what I saw... > Chapter 44: The Temple Part 1 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- As my eyes adjusted, I saw that the temple contained a singular hollow chamber the size of a small house. In the center stood a plinth, and upon that plinth, there sat an ordinary coffee cup. That cup, I thought, must contain the Magical Elexir of Wellness! I trotted up to it and looked around. Inside was a clear liquid. 15 yards behind me was the temple entrance. With a leap of faith, I grabbed the cup with my hoof. At first nothing happened. Then, behind me I heard a loud rumbling sound. I turned around to see a huge slab slam down, closing off the temple entrance. I was trapped.... > Chapter 45: The Temple Part 2 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Startled, I quickly placed the cup back on the pedestal, but nothing happened. There must be some way out of here said the joker to the thief I thought to myself. Fortunately, I'm a batpony. I let out a mighty "SKREEEEEEEE!" Skreeeeeee bounced back the echo. I grimaced. Nothing. There were no other exits. I was trapped. Suddenly, there was a woosh, and then the sound of rushing water. Water which soon began to pour from hundreds of tiny holes in the wall. Soon it was lapping at my hooves. I was going to drown. I didn't want to die, not like this. I looked back at the cup. Perhaps the Magical Elixir of Awesomeness could help me. There it sat on the pedestal where I had placed it. I galloped back over and chugged it. It tasted like regular water. Nothing special. I sighed. So this was it. This was how I was going to die. But then... > Chapter 46: The Temple Part 3 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- ...But then, I felt a great power surge through my body, and I knew I had a shot at escaping. With water at my fetlocks, I galloped over to the stone slab blocking the entrance, turned, and gave it a mighty buck. *POW!* I felt my energy flow through me and through my rear legs into the block, and I felt the very essence of the block weaken. I bucked again, then again and again, and each time I could feel, in a way I had never known before, the very structure of the rock shift and weaken. Cracks began to appear, and then, on the tenth or so kick, *BAM!*, the slab shattered! With water behind me, I crawled through the wreckage to my freedom, and only after escaping, did I notice something else new: the horn on my head! > Chapter 47: Meanwhile, a Story About Cadance and Shining Armor and Coffee Creamer > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Anyway, while this was all going on, Cadance and Shining Armor were having coffee. Cadance went to the cupboard to grab more creamer, but noticed there was no more creamer. "Shining, hun, did you use all the creamer and forget to put it on the shopping list?" "Oh shoot, I probably did. I'm sorry, dear." Cadance playfully wacked her husband with telekinesis. "Well, guess who's going to go to the market right now?" "Right now?" "Mm-hm," Cadance nodded. "This girl is liable to be cranky if she doesn't have her light, sweat, creamy coffee. We wouldn't want that, would we?" "No, we wouldn't. I guess I'll go to the market. Right Now." "Mmmm, and that's why I love you so much!" Cadance replied, nuzzling Shining Armor. And then he trotted to the market and bought more coffee creamer. > Chapter 48: Back to the Battle > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- So, I was an alicorn now. So much for not being a Gary Stu, oops! But you know, I didn't feel too bad, on account of not dying and all that. And besides I had more important concerns. My friends still needed my help back at their plateau camp, and I'm not the type of pony to let other ponies down. So, flapping my reinvigorated wings, I nervously took to the air to find my way back to Steve and help save the black and red alicorn OCs from the Mare E-sues. And off I went, over the jungle! > Chapter 49: Meanwhile, a Story About Trixie > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- One day, Trixie invited me to have tea with her. Now Trixie, bless her, does not seem like the type of pony to normally drink tea. So I asked her what that was all about. She told me while she herself was also not originally the greatest fan of drinking tea, she had gotten really good at turning random objects into teacups and thus now had hundreds of teacups littering her wagon and she needed to get rid of them somehow, So lately she had been getting really into drinking tea with fellow ponies and then giving them the teacups to keep as a souvenir of her friendship. So we drank tea together, along with some delicious crumpets. And then we cuddled and made out, as we are wont to do. > I Just Realized That There is Nothing Stopping Me From Updating This Story. > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- One day, Super Trampoline realized that he didn’t have to update the plot about him becoming an alicorn and traveling in time. He realized he could write whatever he liked. So one day, Super Trampoline visited Starlight Glimmer in the friendship castle. Starlight was a very hot communist. Actually she still needed some work on her theory, but she had the hotness part down. Anyway, Super Trampoline wanted to educate people about leftist in the most annoying way possible, so he figured that he would start making out with Starlight Glimmer before doing some lessons on the value added theory of labor with her. He enjoyed teaching her what communism really was, and was glad that she was one of his many fillyfriends. After all, sharing is caring! > Oh God, There is Nothing Stopping Me From Writing Literally ANYTHING I Want Here (As Long as It is Rated “Everyone”)! > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- One time Starlight Glimmer suggested I should ask her friend Sunset Shimmer out, so I trotted through the magic toyetic mirror and became a human and found Sunset Shimmer making out with Brad Flash Sentry and SciTwi at the same time and I asked if I could join them and they said yes so we became a polycule and all made out together and it was very nice. > My Friend's Unamed OC Likes Broccoli > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- One time, Super Trampoline's right libertarian friend went through a portal into the pony world and became a pony. We couldn't come up with a good OC name very quickly, so um, hold on... . . . . Okay I got nothing. But he was a pony now. And he ate some broccoli and talked about politics with Super Trampoline. As a pony. There you go. That's it. That's the entire chapter. Good night everyone. Sleep hygiene is important. > A Short Chapter With Princess Ember > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- One time Princess Ember was in town. I had never made out with a dragon before, and she seemed pretty cool. I asked her if she wanted to make out. “Yes, but only if you help me prank Spike afterwards.” “Homeslice, I am always down to prank Spike,” I replied. So we made out. Then we went and pranked Spike. It was lit, fam. > Batponies Love Mangos > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Did you know that Batponies love mangoes? You are reading about me, Super Trampoline, now, and I love mangoes. I actually don’t like the fresh ones a ton but I love dried mango slices. Of course they probably add a lot of sugar to those. Anyway, that is all I want to write in this chapter. That I love mangoes. Oh and also once I met a cute lady batpony who also loved mangos so I told her she was cute and we ate mangos together and then we made out. If you haven’t noticed, I love making out. > Poop > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- I now live with my pegasus friend Crispy Sparrow and their two housemates. Crispy has a Doberman Pincer and a scraggly little mutt, and I helped their housemate find a heckin adorable old English sheepdog puppy on Neighgslist. I love all three dogs and Also Crispy’s four cats, though I have to get an anti-allergy spell cast on me every week. That said, nopony has been cleaning up their poop in the backyard for like a week so today I did. That’s a lot of poop piles. Do you have any idea how hard it is to pick up poop with your hooves? I have a new appreciation for Fluttershy. > Not a Good Day > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Today I was supposed to make 60 to 100 bits but their instructions were vague so I got there two minutes late so I wasn't paid at all and then my sociopath roommate and narcissist roommate are at each other's throats and I hate conflict so I went to sugar cube corner and found Pinkie Pie and since we're dating, I made out with her a bunch and then I felt better, but I'm still worried. > Just For Fun, I Wrote This Chapter With the Help of a Neural Network. > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- One day Starlight Glimmer and Sunset Shimmer decided to make pancakes together. The resulting pancakes were a favorite of both of them and became a staple in this magic world. Both of them hated thunderstorms and built their very own thunder-proof homes to keep them from getting destroyed by it, though they did say they wished it was rain. The water in this world is said to be magical, and the magic grows through love. If Sunset doesn't love a sunny day, she'll suffer through the night; if Starlight loves a dark night, she'll suffer through the day > The Shortest Chapter of This Story > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- One day I went through the mirror into the human world and then got on the bus and the bus driver was hot so I told her so and then we made out. > Starlight Glimmer Introduces a Bit of Plot to This Whole Mess > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Hey, Bryan Super," Starlight asked one early afternoon while trotting up to Super Trampoline as he ate a salad in Twilight's Friendship Castle, "Do you think you should maybe try to put some actual effort into this story again?" Super gasped. "Starlight, my beloved Tankie marefriend, you always have the best ideas, Our Town notwithstanding. I agree, I've gotten soft and lazy with this story; every chapter is short and ends with a joke about making out." "Yeah, it's growing stale. Now mind you," Glimmer continued, "This story being intentionally awful, it kind of works, but I do feel the ways in which it's awful should be switched up more often." "Here, Here!" Super intoned, lifting his cotton candy-flavored Bang™ energy drink with a leathery bat wing. "Starlight, you are absolutely correct!" He took a sip. Awww, refreshing. Probably not particularly healthy, but at least it had zero calories. "So then," Super continued, "What ought we do about this connundrum, fair Glimmerbug?" (Glimmerbug was one of his pet names for Starlight Glimmer.) Starlight smirked. "I think we should make out. I know that always gets my brain juices going." Super wagged his eyebrows suggestively. "Oo, GlimGlam, a double subversion of expectations. I love when you talk dirty but still rated everyone because this story is still rated everyone to me. Come here and Prench kiss me, you intellectually and physically stimulating sassy unicorn, you!" And then they made out. Like this, except at the friendship quest table in Twilight's castle, and it was Starlight and Super making out instead of Starlight and Trixie although they also make out, and also Twilight Sparkle wasn't watching from the bushes, especially because other than a few ornamental houseplants here and there, there are no bushes in the friendship castle. > New Year, New Traditions > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Super Trampoline sat on the couch in the guest bedroom of his aunts, since his living situation once again fell through, procrastinating on various things. Suddenly he had an idea: Say, old chap, do you think you could update a single story once a day for 365 days? And if you could would this not be a great story to do it with? And hey, where I live currently in a suburb of Applewood, there are still 22 minutes until midnight so it is still the first of the year so I do say, I believe this is a start of a new chapter for this story pulling can I update it every day for 365 years? Oops I mean days. Unless transponyism really gets its act together or I become a magical alicorn princess I don't think I'll be updating this story for 365 years straight. Even I am not that devoted. So yeah, Here's to the best year for the worst story on FimFiction. Cheer's mates! ~Super Trampoline > You're Probably Wondering Why I've Gathered You All Here Today > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Super Trampoline looked around the room at the seven gathered ponies. Luna, Pipsqueak, Zecora, Shining Armour (Spelled with a u like he was Skittish* or something for some reason), Twilight Sparkle, Featherweight, and Blossomforth were seated in a small circle of chairs in one of the smaller community rooms of the Ponyville Town Hall, looking variously bored, annoyed, and confused. "You're probably wondering why I've gathered you all here today," Super began. Twilight, the annoyed one, responded, "I already know that I'm stuck in yet another chapter of yet another one of your poopy stories." She couldn't say the word she wanted to say because this story is rated everyone. "Well yeah, basically," replied Super, who didn't really know where this chapter was going. The last story he read with a similar set up was which is really really good for a story thrown together at the last minute for a contest. You should go read it, everyone agrees it's great. I'm really glad KitsuneRisu returned to this site. It's always wonderful when an author does that. Do you ever wonder what happened to Rainbow Bob? I occasionally do. At least Rust announced he was leaving, that beautiful soul. RIP Echo the Diamond Dog Sequel. Anyway, I'm really sure where I was going with this chapter, so I guess it's done now. Kind of anticlimatic. > Use 60 to insert the chapter number dynamically > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- One day Super Trampoline got mildly sick because, well, I'm not really sure why, but anyway he got mildly sick so his nose was stuffy so he asked-- wait is this story in first person or third person oh wait I think this is supposed to be first person lol woops my bad--so I asked Matronly Pony S06E12 Unnamed Earth Mare #1 to make me some tofu noodle soup. It was really good! We didn't actually make out afterwards though, because I'm mildly sick still. Also she's monogamous and has a coltfriend. But yeah, few things are better than some hot but not scalding soup cooked with love and expertise! Thank you so much, Matronly Pony S06E12 Unnamed Earth Mare #1, who appears in Spice Up Your Life as a patron at the Tasty Treat restaurant and owner of the Bake Stop restaurant, whose appearance is based on English celebrity chef Clarissa Dickson Wright, whose cutie mark is a bundt cake, and who is voiced by Cathy Weseluck! > Super Trampoline Takes a Nap > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- I took a nap. It was nice. It lasted maybe about two hours. I woke up relaxed and refreshed. Maybe the world would be a better place if we all could just nap more. > Super Trampoline Makes a Pun > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Today I got paid two hundred bits to be filmed cooking with an instant pot for a Japaneighs show. It was pretty great. We have Instant Pots, or InstaPots here in Equestria as well; they just are powered by magic rather than electricity. Then I took my mom to a surprise short musical about puns. We both had a great time! In honor of that, I'd like to end this chapter with a bad pun. And it looks like I will, when all is said and pun. > Announcement: > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Yesterday one of my best friends who I've known for five years cut me out of their life because while I'm a nice person I'm a horrible house guest, and I'm sad, and that's why I forgot to upload a chapter yesterday, because I was sad. So already less than a week in I've failed my quest to upload a chapter everyday. Just like in everything in life, I'm a failure. > 646464646464646464646464646464646464646464646464646464646464646464646464646464646464646464646464 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- One day, Pinkie Pie and Starlight Glimmer decided to annoy Trixie. They introduced Pinkie to a new torture device that could kill ponies, including her friend, Nightmare Moon. In a moment of anguish, she touched the device and became its victim. At the same time, Nightmare Moon grew larger, and attacked the farmhouse. To combat Nightmare Moon, Twilight Sparkle designed a mirror to block her, and put it inside the hex mirror with Pinkie Pie's help. By destroying the mirror, Nightmare Moon began to shrink. Despite Twilight's attempts to free her friends from her prison, Pinkie Pie did not get help. At Pinkie's urging, the group fled the house and were saved by a rescue party led by Sweetie Belle. They informed Trixie of the situation and she directed them to her hidden shack. Outside, Trixie told the ponies that Nightmare Moon had started to grow wings again and was about to use her powers to regain her lost strength. "Nightmare Moon" ultimately turned out to be Scootaloo, who claimed that she had been named "Nightmare Moon" by a few moons before Twilight could stop her. Twilight was shown on Trixie's throne on the ground, unconscious and crumpled, being examined by Princess Celestia and Applejack, respectively, who explained that he had just passed away. Quotes "In a perfect world, everyone would choose hope over fear." — The Cutie Mark Chronicles "The taste of victory is sweet, but it must always be followed by the threat of defeat." — The Cutie Mark Chronicles "For those of you without ponies, try living in a cave." — The Cutie Mark Chronicles "You're too big to be hurt, you're too smart to be dumb, and you're too strong to be weak." — The Cutie Mark Chronicles > 1711,486 681 3,573 Edit Publish 1 Formatting Chapter Title Use 65 to insert the chapter number dynamically. You can also add a number to the value such as 67 FILE FORMAT HELP Sp > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Applejack and John Cena joined in to rhyme about eating hash browns and building snowmen, while some ponies played drums. Their number-one pick was provided by Applejack, who performed a screeching, mocking riff on Robert De Niro's one-liner, "I got hit by a car and broke my neck". It wasn't the first time the series had been mocked in the past year by Australian TV network Seven. The cricket match show The Mole was lambasted on the show, which was produced by Seven, by KFC. Fans on Twitter said the song was 'disrespectful'. Others said they were looking forward to the series leaving Netflix. © Nine Digital Pty Ltd 2018 > Applejack > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Autumn Blaze is a Kirin who is friends with Applejack. She likes apple-picking and apple pie.[1] Season three In Pinkie Pride, Applejack helps turn the unexpected DJ party into a full-fledged dance party. Pinkie Pie says that her tea party has turned into a night of happy drunken fun. Applejack likes Appleciders, pastries, apple pie, "those asparagus sandwiches," "Silly Shoes," "The Hardest Part," and "the talking is easy part." She has a small weakness for apple-flavored yogurt.[2] In The Fault in Our Cutie Marks, Applejack was an enthusiastic spectator during the Mane 6's romantic wedding. Season four Applejack participates in the Summer Sun Celebration in Applebuck Season and Green Isn't Your Color . She is first seen sitting with her fellow citizens and Granny Smith during the opening scene. She joins the other ponies at the reunion dinner, and even helps in arranging the decorations, as well as helping keep Fluttershy's magnifying glass supplied. In Just for Sidekicks , Applejack appears in a crowd scene alongside other ponies of various races at Rainbow Falls when Applejack creates the pool play. Applejack also participates in the Sun Goddess Festival and the Daring Do and Appaloosa Pie Park Renaissance Faire. She attends the ending of the season, and becomes the new mayor of Ponyville. Depiction in My Little Pony The Movie Alter Ego Applejack appears in the Princesses and Princesses Day special . She and Big McIntosh help free the injured princesses while also posing for photographers to get their pictures taken with their best friend. Friendship is Magic Issue #9 page 4 In Friendship is Magic Issue #9, Applejack and Fluttershy are seen with Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle at the Ponyville train station. They watch the ceremony of Princess Luna and Princess Cadance . Other Depictions Friendship is Magic Issue #9 page 4 In Friendship is Magic Issue #9, Applejack and Fluttershy are seen with Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle at the Ponyville train station. They watch the ceremony of Princess Luna and Princess Cadance. During the seventh season, Applejack appears in videos with Pinkie Pie and Rarity. In My Little Pony Equestria Girls: Rainbow Rocks, a social media promotion where My Little Pony fans receive a download of a My Little Pony-themed game on November 5, 2016, Applejack can be seen as a character in this game, known as Apple Sneakers. Merchandise Applejack and Rainbow Dash play video games on the Castle of Friendship in My Little Pony The Movie. Merchandise depicting Applejack in her Element of Harmony appearance includes a collectible figurine of her, the U.S. version of which comes in two varieties: a cup and a small box, or a bouquet and a large box. Quotes "Ah think Pinkie Pie must be the worst babysitter of all time!" — Apple Bloom and Gummy, Applebuck Season "Ah don't think Pinkie Pie needs any help!" — Apple Bloom and Gummy, Applebuck Season "Pinkie's answer for anything!" — Apple Bloom and Gummy, Applebuck Season "Pinkie, ya sound like Pinkie Pie!" Applejack: So, what did you do with Pinkie Pie's broken card? Rainbow Dash: Yeah, that's just... like, she was having a bad day, so I took her card, but I can't really afford another one, you know? Applejack: So, what's she gonna do? She's kinda at the bottom of the barrel with new cards. Rainbow Dash: Okay, sure, and I wish you all the best. Applejack: Of course! [she gives a salute] Rainbow Dash: Alrighty, see you soon! > Oops > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Oh, wow, I kind of forgot this was here." Trixie said, gingerly holding up a rotting apple in her field. "Well, at least we know where the smell was coming from now." Starlight said, relieved. "You know, these sorts of things wouldn't happen if you'd actually clean your wagon once in a while." "The Great and Powerful Trixie has a method to her madness, an order to her organized chaos!" Trixie declared with mock pizzazz. A beat. "What were we looking for again?" Starlight rolled her eyes and giggled. "We're looking for an excuse to make out with Super Trampoline, remember?" But then Big Mac stopped by and reminded them they didn't need an excuse for that. So they found Super Trampoline and made out with him. > Does Saying Rainbow Dash is Hot Bump the Rating of This From Everyone to Teen? I Hope Not, Because Rainbow Dash is Hot. > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Rainbow Dash is another one of my fillyfriends. She's very cool and very fast, and when she wears that form-fitting Spandex Wonderbolts uniform... Um, ahem. One day, Rainbow Dash challenged me to a race. But since she is a naturally gifted athlete who rigorously trains, she easily wiped the floor with me, who is obese. But I make up for that in other ways. Like in giving her tired muscles wonderful full body massages. It's one of my many talents. And then we ate linguine for dinner. > Depression > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- One day, I was depressed, so I spent all day not doing anything. That's another one of my many talents: wasting time. Time I will never get back, as every second I inch closer to death. Man, what a loser. > Oh > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- One day, I realized that like sixty percent of these chapters start with "One day". Oops. Anyways, Trixie came over for tea time with me. As I said in the short story description, I am not only dating all the major characters, I am also dating the minor antagonists. Trixie is now no longer an antagonist, more just antagonizing, but I'm still dating her. I'm also dating her marefriend Starlight Glimmer. Being polyamorous is one of my special talents. Anyway, Trixie finds tea calms and relaxes her, and thus makes her a bit less insufferable. I'm not the biggest fan of tea, but I am a fan of Trixie. > Remember that K-Pop Song, Gee Gee Gee Gee Baby Baby? > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- It was really catchy. I liked that. That was in those halcyon years before K-pop became mainstream in America. Anyway one day Torch Song was practicing singing while I hung out in her apartment sipping lemonade. For those of you who need a refresher. She's the alto singer of the Ponytones. As for her living in an apartment, while it might be hard to picture there being much of a rental market in Ponyville, but the city really has grown a lot as ponies move to live where the happening happenings happen. It would be very easy for rental costs to eat up bigger and bigger chunks of resident's hard-earned wages. Gentrification and all that. Fortunately, Mayor Mare implemented rent control. It worked. So now Torch Song can have her own appartment on a singer's budget. And I can have another happy marefriend to talk with and cuddle with and of course make out with! Something Something horse pun! (pretend that's me, not Toe Tapper.) > As Rarity Would Say, I love Being Covered in Maud! > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- One day I was hanging out with Maud Pie. We mostly just cuddled. We didn't talk a lot. We mostly just enjoy each other's company. Sometimes we do do more intimate things if you know what I mean. If the number 585371 means anything to you, you probably do. Anyway, Maud is also dating Mudbriar, who no one besides Maud particularly likes, but hey, they seem happy so who am I to judge. While cuddling, Maud makes a rare vocal appearance: "Hey, Super Trampoline?" "Yes, beloved?" "Do you want to hear a joke?" As you probably know, stand up comedy is one of Maud's many special talents. "I would love to, dear!" I sing song in reply. "This story." Oof. You got me there, Maud. You got me there. > The Party Part 1 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- One day, Pinkie Pie and Starlight Glimmer were hanging out. "You know, Glim Glam, Super Trampoline's birthday is next month. We should throw him a party!" Starlight chuckled. "Pinkie, you always throw him a party. Ever since you started dating, what, three or four years ago? Maybe more?" "Well yeah, I guess you're right. But I like to look at every party-throwing experience as a fresh opportunity to have a good time!" "So you never get bored of throwing parties?" "Noperoonies!" Pinkie shouted. "Now, what do you think the theme of the party should be?" Starlight took a sip of her empathy cocoa and then held a hoof to her chin. Hmmmmmm, ooh, I know!" She whispered something into Pinkie's ear. "spspspsspsp sp sp sp sppp sssp ps sp ps sp pp ppps!" Pinkie's eyes rocketed to a huge size and her ears sprung up straight. "OOooooooo, I LIKE this idea! Hehehehehe" > The Quest, Part 1 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- The time was 9:45pm exactly. Super Trampoline had been working nights and only had woken up a little over an hour ago. But that was fine; as a batpony, he honestly preferred working nights. Anyway, he went downstairs and Pinkie Pie was waiting for him there. "Oh, Hi Pinkie. You are in my house. Despite my landlord's rule of no guests." (Although Super Trampoline is dating many mares and a few stallions in high places, he himself remains fairly poor because he is lazy and depressed. So he rents a very cheap room in a large somewhat-run-down house.) "Yepperoonies! Guess what, Super, we're going to go on an adventure!" Super smiled. "We are?!" Pinkie clarified. "Oh, well not you and I--though I do love adventuring with you! No, Starlight Glimmer and I are going on a quest!" "Oh, that's cool!" Super replied. "But why did you feel the need to break into my house at almost ten at night to tell me this?" Pinkie rolled her eyes. "Oh you, it's not breaking in if the front door is always unlocked. Anyway, we might be gone a few days, and I wanted to give my second-favorite stallion a kiss goodbye!" And then she leaned in and kissed Super on the lips. And then, like lightning, she was gone, leaving Super standing there, confused but happy. "I love that mare!" > The Talk Part 1 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- I trotted into the lobby of the Friendship Castle, where Twilight Sparkle and Starlight Glimmer were currently... just chilling? "Hey, Twilight, hey Starlight," I said, slightly glumly. "Hey, Super," Starlight replied. "Come on, Trampoline," Twilight huffed. "I know for a fact you're a good reader, and the sign out front clearly says to knock first. You can't just go waltzing into other ponies homes. What if Starlight and I had been having s--she caught herself just in time, remembering that this is a "rated E" story. "Uh... had been making out?" Super perked up. "Well, first of all, I'm dating both of you, and second of all, we're friends, and friends walk unannounced into each other's homes!" Twilight frowned. "We're barely within the parameters of what I would consider a friend. More I tolerate you mostly out of pity." "Then why are you dating me?" I retorted smuggly. "Because the entire premise of this story is that it's a barely mediocre deconstruction of bad tropes that appear in amateur My Little Pony fanfiction! And also you give really good back massages." I put an ear to my hoof. "What was that?" "N-nothing... baka" Twilight muttered, blushing. "Alright, well Starlight's my friend. We're both communists. Right, Starlight?" "Well," Starlight corrected, "the concept of communism doesn't really exist in a Equestria, but I am a utilitarian, which is pretty close to being a socialist, unless you're Bad Horse in which case things just get confusing. I love that guy but he can be too erudite and old fashioned for his own good sometimes." "See, Twilight, Starlight and I are friends!" "I mean, okay, yes, but Starlight also considers Trixie a friend, so there's clearly no accounting for bad taste." "Hey!" Starlight snapped at Twilight. "You're my best mare for the wedding. Show some respect!" "Oooooh" I said, "You finally popped the question! Congratulations, Starlight! I'm so happy for you and Trixie." Starlight absolutely beamed. "Thank you! You're invited by the way. I just haven't sent out the invitations because, well, I just proposed last week. It'll be some time in the fall probably." "Well," I said, "let me know if you want or need any help. (Wedding planning is one of my many special talents.)" "I'll be sure to do that. Thanks, Super, you're a good friend." She leaned in and kissed me. Because, you know, she may be getting married to Trixie, but we're still dating too. Twilight cleared her throat. "Ahem, so, Super, to what do we owe the pleasure of your surprise unannounced visit today?" "Well," I said, "I was going to talk about my ennui and inability to write stories that aren't super meta and recognize their fictional nature, but this is actually the longest chapter of this story I've written in a while, so I figure we can probably just have that conversation next chapter. In fact, if I keep talking a little bit longer, we can even reach five hundred words! And what do you know? We did!" > The Ponk Part 1 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hey there, it's your favorite pony, Pinkie Pie! Trampo said I could take over this story for a little bit, so here I am. Weeeeee!!! I can do whatever I want, because it seems like that's what Super does, and no one seems to mind too much. So, uh, I don't actually know what to do now. Like, with the sky being the limit, and few restrictions being placed on what I talk about here, I almost feel paralyzed by indecision. You know how it is. But, you know, I guess I can always fall back on old standards. So, I'm going to teach you how to bake a super fun cake! Actually, better idea! Why don't I show you how to make some nightmareesque pork monstrosity?! Here is a horrible recipe: 1 pound pork shoulder, chopped into bite sized pieces 2-3 cloves garlic, minced 1/ 2 tsp ground cumin 1/ 4 tsp ground coriander 2 tbsp ground cayenne 2 tbsp olive oil for frying the pork shoulder 1 small sweet onion, chopped 2 cups of baby carrots 1 cup red kidney beans, rinsed 1 tablespoon soy sauce or any fish sauce 4 -5 bay leaves 1/ 2 tsp salt 3 cups heavy cream (see note below) 1 tsp mustard Mix all ingredients but cream together and cook at 375 degrees Fahrenheit for 45 minutes. Once cooked, remove from heat and let cool completely. Place in a pan and add remaining ingredients (except cream ) and mix well. For the cream, add cream to a small saucepan , bring to a boil , and turn off the heat . Add the cream mixture to the pork shoulder and allow to cool. Serve with Lemonade. Try cooking that and let me know how it goes in the comments. Alright, Ponkers out! > The Bonk Part 1 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hey, y'all, Pinkie Pie still here! Did any of you try my recipe from last chapter? Wasn't it awful?! Anyway, one day I was working in the bakery, you know, the usual Sugar Cube Corner and Super Trampoline walked in, and he is just so cute in a kind of ugly way and I couldn't help but lean in to kiss him, but I forgot I was holding a frying pan with my mouth, and well, you know how enthusiastic I can be. Anyway, that's how Super Trampoline ended up at Ponyville General Hospital Urgent Care with a nasty concussion. But don't worry, he's okay now. And I now make sure I'm not holding any cooking implements before leaning in to smooch him. Yep, that's pretty much all I wanted to talk about. Have a great day! > Chapter 78: The Talk > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- One day, I was catching up on She-Ra and the Princesses of Power on Pony Netflix when I heard a knock on my door. "Come in!" I shouted, and Discord and Twilight walked in. Well, Discord more floated in, but you know how it is with him. "Hey Twily, hey Discord. What's up?" I asked, jovial and carefree. Twilight answered. "Well, we've been talking, and we came to a bit of a startling conclusion." "Well actually, you are both projected figments of my imagination modeled after characters in a children's TV show, so more likely, I myself came to a startling conclusion and y'all are just avatars for me to say this through. Discord sighed. "Super, has anyone ever told you that your pedantic insistence on constantly acknowledging the metatextual narrative of your fanfics is really annoying?" Twilight side eyed him. "I'm pretty sure you just misused half of those words." "Whatever," Discord said. "Moving on, Twilight and I feel that we have largely been replaced by Starlight Glimmer and Pinkie Pie in your stories." Super considered this for a moment. And then decided it was probably true. "You know, I'm not going to try to debate you, because you're probably right." He took a moment to check when he had written stories with Discord tagged as a main character. There were two from the past five years and six from 2013-2015. "You know, I'll be honest, Discord," Super explained, "you're a real pain in the rear to write, because you're constantly doing random stuff. And you don't show up in this particular story that often because I'm not dating you, because I'm just not that interested in cisgendered men, stallions, male draconequii or however you pluralize it, etc." "I see how it is. I'm not sexy enough for you." "This is a rated everyone story. Is he allowed to say 'sexy'?" Twilight asked. "Probably not," I replied, "but also I don't think any masochists still reading this drivel particularly care. But anyway, yeah, Twilight, while you're who I initially really related to in the show many years ago, once Starlight--ostensibly a utilitarian--came around, I connected with her a lot more. And Pinkie Pie is both easier to write and less than a jerk than you, Discord. No offense." "Some taken," he replied. "But anyway, now that y'all, brought this up, even though again, I really brought it up for myself after reading Alara's excellent story since you aren't real, I will try to include y'all in this story a little more often, and also try to write Twilight a bit less grumpily. Fair enough?" "Yeah, I guess?" Twilight responded. "We lit, fam," Discord replied. "Gucci," I said. "So, with that out of the way, are you too ever going to ?" "WHAT?!" they both yelled. I chuckled. "Yes, TempestLight is in vogue ever since the movie came out, but DiscoLight is still my OG Twilight ship. Don't think I've forgotten." Twilight rolled her eyes. "Please, Super, I'm begging you to stop inviting me into these awful chapters." "Yeah, I would never date Twilight," Discord added. "She has cooties!" They turned to leave together, bickering. "That's why you wouldn't date me?" "Well, would you rather I not date you for other reasons?" "I dunno, maybe?!" "Well, what reasons would you rather? I'm curious." "Oh my, where to begin?" As they wandered off, I smiled. > This Story is (For) Now Exactly 15,000 Words Long! > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Wow, Super, this is actually one of the longest stories you've ever written! Mind you, it's taken you five years, but nonetheless I'm proud of you." "Thanks, Twilight. That means a lot, coming from you. Although, I might add, that there are still a decent number of unpublished chapters from when my writing was sloppier and loser and this story got temporarily unpublished. Still have to bring those up to snuff. > Chapter 79: New Horizons > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- I trotted into the map room of Twilight’s castle, arriving two minutes later than our planned meeting time, which for me was pretty good. “Twilight! So great to see you!“ I exclaimed, flapping across the somewhat cavernous chamber to greet her. "How goes your move back to Canterlot?” “Stressful," she replied, "but nothing I can’t handle with the help of my friends. Speaking of, there’s actually something I would like you to do for me.” "Oh," I said, my ears perking up. :"And what might that be, m’lady?" "OK, actually there are two things I’d like you to do for me; the first is to never say 'm’lady' again." “I’ll make no such promise. What’s the other thing you’d like me to do?” “Well, as you know, the My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic show proper has ended. We now chronologically reside in the period of time after S9E25 and the flashback portions of S9E26, but before the time presented as present day in said episode, 'The Last Problem'." “Huh, usually you’re less acknowledging of your imaginary and serialized nature," I replied. “Yes, well, you and Pinkie and Discord and to a lesser extent Starlight Glimmer have rubbed off on me. Also, I know like a dozen time travel spells. You better believe I’ve snuck more than a few peeks into the next several hundred billion years.” “Ooooh," I replied, "you know what’s going to happen in the future! Will Obabscribbler ever do any readings of my stories?" "Well, I can’t say for certain, given that I only have glimpses here and there of the future so as to not cause more timey-whimey conundrums, but I would say it’s unlikely given that your stories largely suck." "Oof. Well, you’re not wrong. So, whatcha got for me? What’s my mission?" "Right, well, as I was saying, as depicted in the final episodes of the show, I am moving back to Canterlot to—with the help of my friends—assume the duties of running Equestria so Celestia and Luna can buck off to Pony Cancun or wherever.” "Do you have a compulsive need to mention that your friends help you with everything?" “ Yes. That’s kind of my whole shtick.” “OK, just wondering.” "Anyway, with me no longer living in Ponyville, I would like you to be the steward of my Friendship Castle." "Me?!?," I asked dramatically. “I mean, I’m hugely honored and flattered, but wouldn’t Starlight be the obvious choice, especially since she already lives here? "Yes, but she has her hooves full now with running the School of Friendship, and also keeping Trixie from getting arrested every other week. Or constantly selling illegal fireworks." “Yeah, are those two dating?” "Ask them yourself, after all, is it not one of the central precepts of this story that you are dating all of us?” "Wow, it is really weird to see you so nonchalant about all this. OK, so Starlight’s busy, but why me of all ponies?" Twilight smiled, "Well first of all, unlike the human Bryan Chandler Super Trampoline, you still live with your mom, unsurprising given that Ponyville is several orders of magnitude smaller than Southern Coltifornia. I know you drive her crazy, so she won’t at all mind you moving out. And I know you have plenty of time on your hooves because you’re extremely lazy and only work the bare minimum you need to to avoid complete destitution." "OK, you’re cynical assessment is correct, but wouldn’t you want someone you know, not lazy to be taking care of the castle?" "Actually, it’s perfect. Being lazy, I know you’re not going to cook up any stupid crazy schemes that will blow the place up while I’m gone. But you also have a strong sense of responsibility and are generally surprisingly trustworthy, so I know you’ll make sure no one else does anything stupid either. On that note, for the love of friendship, do not under ANY circumstances allow the Cutie Mark Crusaders within 200 feet of the building. You and I both know their destructive power." She shuddered just thinking about it. "Right, well, while it would be a large responsibility, I think it is something I can handle. Am I going to have to do all the cleaning myself though? I hate cleaning." "I know you do. I’ll set up a janitorial service before I leave and give you a stipend for fixing any problems or maintenance or whatever. Just, you know, keep the receipts for bookkeeping. You don’t have to run the whole place, just make sure that it is running. Believe it or not, I trust you." "So, that’s that? I’m just going to move into your castle and take care of it now? Just like that?" "Not exactly. Of course I’m going to give you two weeks of seminars and about 400 pages of notes to read. I don’t expect you to just magically know everything there is to know about running a castle. There isn’t a spell for that unfortunately. Well I mean, there sort of is, but it uses dark magic and is super sketchy." I laughed. "Well, thank you for believing in me, Twilight. I love you." "I love you too, Super. I know I give you a hard time, but when you’re not being a lazy selfish poo-head, you’re a pretty cool pony." And then she kissed me. Being kissed by Twilight Sparkle is one of my many special talents. > Now For a Birthday Chapter!!! > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hello, friends! I am very high right now. But I'm not high on any drugs, because I'm not a degen. No, the only thing I'm high on is life! That's right; I'm high on life. I mean that, because it's completely true and not at all fabricated, No sir-ee, I am a good Christian pony! I do not sin in the eyes of the lord! Horse Jesus looks down upon me and my virtuous associates with his blessing bestowed among us all! Aaaaaaaaaa-Mennnnnnnnnnn! > "Crushed By Foals" by the dobermans: Guest Author Week Day 1 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- “ ‘…This is preposterous!” FoalKrusher roared. Because FoalKrusher did not ‘say’ anything. It was his habit and birthright, rather, to bellow forth with all the might and majesty of the Canterlot cataracts colliding in cataclysmic cascades co-impulsively with the quartzy cliffs that constituted the capitol’s colossal cloud-topped crown, when stalking his prey. And he was always in search of prey. He possessed the sagacity of a winged ant tracking the pheromone trails of its clonal hivemates, in particular, when the matter in question was the pursuit of foals to whom to apply his singular talent: the overwhelming defeat of the structural integrity of the corporal carriage of juvenile equids. And it was three such that he had brought to bay of a misty Saturday morning before the pastoral labors practiced at Sweet Apple Acres had been taken up; before hoof had been set to plow, before sweat, dabbed with already moist bandanna, and before the swine, swilled. “I shall have none of your brunch, nor your lunch, nor your cider. The three of you shall descend from your tree at once, to suffer the fate of all your ilk, should my ferocious will be enacted to its fullest!” “No way, mister,” came the dulcet reply to his demand. “My sister said never to go anywhere with strangers. Ain’t that right, girls?” Two voices meekly assented. “Reluctant to feel fate’s heavy hoof, are you?” intoned ravenous FoalKrusher. “You are not the first, and nor shall you be the last. Allow me then to tell you a story: one that will curdle your very lifeblood and yield you too demoralized—nay—too disgusted to resist. It begins thusly …’” “ ‘…This is preposterous!” FoalKrusher roared. Because Foalkrusher did not ‘say’ anything. It was his habit and birthright, rather, to bellow forth with all the might and majesty of the Canterlot cataracts colliding in cataclysmic cascades co-impulsively with the quartzy cliffs that constituted the capitol’s colossal cloud-topped crown, when stalking his prey. And he was always in search of prey. He possessed the sagacity of a winged ant tracking the pheromone trails of its clonal hivemates, in particular, when the matter in question was the pursuit of foals to whom to apply his singular talent: the overwhelming defeat of the structural integrity of the corporal carriage of juvenile equids. And it was three such that he had brought to bay of a misty Saturday morning before the pastoral labors practiced at Sweet Apple Acres had been taken up; before hoof had been set to plow, before sweat, dabbed with already moist bandanna, and before the swine, swilled. “I shall have none of your brunch, nor your lunch, nor your cider. The three of you shall descend from your tree at once, to suffer the fate of all your ilk, should my ferocious will be enacted to its fullest!” “No way, mister,” came the dulcet reply to his demand. “My sister said never to go anywhere with strangers. Ain’t that right, girls?” Two voices meekly assented. “Reluctant to feel fate’s heavy hoof, are you?” intoned ravenous FoalKrusher. “You are not the first, and nor shall you be the last. Allow me then to tell you a story: one that will curdle your very lifeblood and yield you too demoralized—nay—too disgusted to resist. It begins thusly …’” “ ‘…This is preposterous!” FoalKrusher roared. Because Foalkrusher did not ‘say’ anything. It was his habit and birthright, rather, to bellow forth with all the might and majesty of the Canterlot cataracts colliding in cataclysmic cascades co-impulsively with the quartzy cliffs that constituted the capitol’s colossal cloud-topped crown, when stalking his prey. And he was always in search of prey. He possessed the sagacity of a winged ant tracking the pheromone trails of its clonal hivemates, in particular, when the matter in question was the pursuit of foals to whom to apply his singular talent: the overwhelming defeat of the structural integrity of the corporal carriage of juvenile equids. And it was three such that he had brought to bay of a misty Saturday morning before the pastoral labors practiced at Sweet Apple Acres had been taken up; before hoof had been set to plow, before sweat, dabbed with already moist bandanna, and before the swine, swilled. “I shall have none of your brunch, nor your lunch, nor your cider. The three of you shall descend from your tree at once, to suffer the fate of all your ilk, should my ferocious will be enacted to its fullest!” “No way, mister,” came the dulcet reply to his demand. “My sister said never to go anywhere with strangers. Ain’t that right, girls?” Two voices meekly assented. “Reluctant to feel fate’s heavy hoof, are you?” intoned ravenous FoalKrusher. “You are not the first, and nor shall you be the last. Allow me then to tell you a story: one that will curdle your very lifeblood and yield you too demoralized—nay—too disgusted to resist. It begins thusly …’” *** The SuperTrampoline appeared in a ray of birthday glory, because he is the hero and centerpiece of this story, and it might be said all stories, come to deliver suffering readers from the woes of asinine writing. “This chapter is f****** retarded,” he justly and correctly proclaimed, with no intentional offense directed at persons with atypical abilities. Now that attention has been drawn to the outmoded word, it is advised that any and all ire, umbrage, offense, or otherwise desire to dismember should be focused on the author, and NOT under any circumstances on SuperTrampoline, who is only trying to enjoy a birthday treat. “Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo,” he called, “come out of there. Use not the stairs. Leap as you are faithful in my word.” The erstwhile Crusaders of Cutie Marks trepidatiously trod to the edge of their treehouse, and, believers in the writ and veracity of SuperTrampoline’s wisdom, leapt. FoalKrusher trumpeted in triumph, certain that his yearning to render three dimensions two would soon be satisfied. What he did not know—what he could not know—was that the specific gravity of foal matter doubled, redoubled and redoubled again when SuperTrampoline so ordained. And so the tables were turned: FoalKrusher, scourge of the fillies and colts of Equestria and beyond, was crushed by foals. the dobermans' Note Physically, mentally, and spiritually. Don’t forget to mash that downvote button. > “Infrastructure Week for My Infinite Marefriends (a.k.a. The Ride Literally Never Ends)” by Jay Bear v2: Guest Author Week Day 2 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Griffonized Zecora, Queen of the Changelings in dimension Omega-99.9-ZZZ-Indigo (I have an interdimensional portal gun—long story) declared her undying love for me last week and became my infinityth marefriend. Now I have marefriends in every dimension of the multiverse. But, since being an attentive coltfriend is one of my many special talents, that means now I have to visit all of my infinite marefriends. Even with an interdimensional portal gun, that’s a lot of traveling. There are infinite dimensions, you know. I need something fast that I can ride between dimensions. Or, even better, there should be something fast that every creature in every dimension could ride. So a few days ago I went to Skimbleshanks the railroad pone. ((***Note to self: Eugh. Changed my mind about the Cats reference, scrap it on the rewrite.)) Skimbleshanks was in his office, which had a lot of train stuff. “Hi, Super Trampoline!” he said when I came in. “Hi, Skimbleshanks!” I said when I came in. “I need a railroad that goes to every dimension in the multiverse so I can visit my infinite marefriends.” “There could be some serious engineering issues with that,” he said, sounding concerned. “First off, are you going to be the only rider, or can other creatures use it?” “I want every creature to be able to use it. It’ll be public transit.” Skimbleshanks nodded. “Normally public transit train systems use light-rail cars, but for this project, you’ll need the most heavy-duty carriages they make. In the railroad business, we call them tramp-class carriages since they make as much noise as a herd of elephants trampling over everything.” “That’s awful. Why can’t you use lighter carriages?” “Think of it this way. A light-rail car can hold somewhere between eighty and a hundred ponies at full capacity. Say all of your marefriends decided to visit you on the same day. How many cars would that take?” “That’s an average of three cars per dimension, times infinite dimensions… Oh no.” “Oh yes,” he said. I sighed. “I guess you do have to use tramp-class carriages. It’s worth it, though, so that my marefriends and everyone else in the multiverse can travel between dimensions.” “Great!” said Skimbleshanks. “Next, we need to talk about configuration. How are dimensions arranged in the multiverse?” I took out a map of all the dimensions and showed it to him. “It doesn’t look like there’s any start or end point,” he said. “I’d recommend using a loop and spur. In the railroad business, we call that an O-line, since the center of it looks like an O.” “Sounds good to me. When will it be ready?” “Normally a superproject like this would take decades, but if I can borrow your interdimensional portal gun, I can get all the Skimbleshankses in all the other dimensions to help me, and we could get it finished…” He thought for twenty-three seconds. “In time for your birthday.” So everything is settled. Skimbleshanks is going to build an interdimensional O-line train system with tramp-class carriages. It will be the biggest railroad system in the multiverse: a superproject greater than any other in history. And he’ll have it all finished for my birthday! And that’s this weekend, so soon I’ll get to invite my infinite marefriends to ride the Super Tramp O-Line. … WAIT > "Bumblebeau Takes the Cake" by Bumblebeau: Guest Author Week Day 3 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- My name is Bumblebeau, if thats too much of a mouthful to say just “Beau” would be fine. As much as I would love to tell you all about myself: who I am, what I’ve done with my life, and other forms of shameless self promotion, the main author of this series doesn’t like to make his chapters to be more then a few hundred words for some reason, and this chapter will be no exception. I decided to travel to an alternate universe Ponyville because I heard it was another OC’s birthday today, and birthdays mean cake! He goes by the name of Super Trampoline, and I decided to risk fracturing the nexus between universes just to eat his birthday cake; I also brought him a present too, aren’t I a doll? Once I arrived at Super’s home (wherever that is because I’ve only read a few chapters of this series) I knocked on his door a few times, while also appreciating the texture of the firm mahogany door. Unfortunately it didn’t seem like anypony was home; I had no idea when he would be back, and I didn’t want to just leave his present out for just anypony to take, so Naturally I decided to break into his house go through his already unlocked backdoor and placed his present on his kitchen table. I scanned his room and saw the cake sitting on his counter. Surly as much cake as he has here he wouldn’t mind if I took a single fourth of the whole cake, would he? I did get him a present after all. What I noticed about the cake piece I had is that it has a sort of Green frosting with red layers and some red jelly candy sprinkled on top. It might have struck anypony else as odd, but my sweet tooth craving was driving me crazy, so I decided to ignore it. “Thanks for the cake!” I said to no pony in particular as I preceded to eat my clearly earned piece of cake. Taking this as his cue to finally show up in this chapter, Super Trampoline was heading home from the shopping district alongside two of his marefriends: Twilight Sparkle, and Trixie Lulamoon, who the guest writer really wanted to be in this chapter. Carrying a bag with both wings he couldn’t wait to get home to his never been broken into house, and eat sone of his freshly-baked, delicious cake waiting for him. He is of course referring to the chocolate cake in his refrigerator, not the trap cake which he keeps on his counter in case one day thieves actually did decide to break into his house. He remembers Pinkie Pie (one of his other marefriends who loves to bake stuff) giving him the cake made of Jalapeños, Serranos, Habaneros, Cayenne, and Ghost peppers; it also had Wasabi frosting and Hot Tamales sprinkled on top. On their way home Super saw an Earth Pony stallion he didn’t recognize drinking heavily from the fountain in the middle of town, screaming his head off: “MY MOUTH IS ON BUCKING FIRE!!!” “Who’s that?” Twilight questioned like the intelligent pony she is. “Don’t know, but Trixie thinks he looks like such a dip,” Trixie answered in third person, because she thinks it makes her look cute. Super was sure it had nothing to do with his aforementioned Spicy Cake and decided to ignore the suffering pony, and took his marefriends home for some much needed cake and cuddles. > Taking a Break From Guest Author Week Because Not That Many People Actually Submitted Guest Chapters > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Once upon a time, my friends had me download a diet/food tracking app on my Pipbuck These things on their wrists pasterns are Pipbucks. or whatever the heck it's called, because despite being a flying pony, I'm more than a bit on the chonky side. I want to lose weight so that I can play more sports and also not die of a heart attack when I'm 47. Anyway, while using this app on my pipbuck, that thing from Fallout: Equestria, I discovered that each Pop Tart has 200 calories in it, so when I ate two packets of Pop Tarts this morning, I ate 800 calories! Oops! Pop Tarts are delicious, to the point of sort of being my Kryptonite. Remember that song, Kryptonite by Three Doors Down? The ultimate forgettable modern rock band? Anyway, the point is, logging your calories helps make you more aware of your caloric consumption. I've lost like 16 pounds since the beginning of the year, but want to lose a lot more still. So I won't be an obese pony. Because I'm terrified of death and will more likely die early if I'm obese. Honestly, I don't know how Pinkie Pie does it. Maybe she's secretly a hummingbird with insanely high metabolism. Or maybe she's not actually a pony, but instead whatever species Kirby the pink puffball is. I mean, it would explain some things. Or maybe she's just a fictional character who gets away with eating so much via the rule of funny. Who knows. Anyway, the app is called My Fitness Pal. It's owned by Under Armour, weirdly enough. If you want to friend me on the app, my username is SuperTrampoline2. So yeah. Be careful when you eat Pop Tarts. https://www.myfitnesspal.com/ > Chapter 86: From Ladle to Grave > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- One night, on a night very much like this one we are experiencing currently, my back was itchy. Now, yes, I have boney bat wings that are decent scritchy scratchers, but there's an area of my back between my wings that they can't reach. However, I was in the kitchen washing dishes when this itchy back attack began. And I was going to grab the meat tenderizer to scratch my back (yes, some of us ponies occasionally eat meat. It's a contentious issue.), but then I saw--in the same pitcher/jug/vase thingie we keep various utensils and implements in--a black spatula. And I thought, I bet this will work as a back scratcher! And you know what? I was completely right. I scratched my back with that spatula and it felt incredibly amazing. And I wanted to share this experience with you, dear reader. And now I have. Have a great night! EDIT: I have just learned that the kitchen utensil I have been calling a spatula my entire life is in fact called a pasta ladle. My life is a lie. > Chapter 87 Haha this is very clearly fiction and not at all based on what has actually been happening in my life over the last three days! Chapter 87 Chapter 87 Chapter 87 Chapter 87 Chapter 87 Chapter 87 Chapter 87 Chapter 87 Chapter 87 Chapter > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- One day, the human version of me needed to get a new MePhone because his Orange phone finally got its screen cracked to the point of no longer functioning. So he drove (because in Equestria Girls land, they have cars) to the Pony Brea mall which was like 25 minutes from his mom's house in Pony Tustin because that was the closest Orange store that was actually open thanks to Pony Covid-19. The first time he went, it was too late in the day, and it would have taken him an hour and a half to get in they said. The next day, he showed up around noon, and was told to come back around five once his Pony human mom got a text. But she never got a text and when he finally showed up anyway they said the system had messed up and to come back tomorrow The fourth time he came, they told him to wait a few hours until they had more technicians And then he finally got his new MePhone ES. The end. now to get a case for it so it doesn't get messed up like his old phone (which too be fair was starting to go ppptthht anyway on account of being a MePhone 6 (!) ) after he lost its case. > 87 chapter > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- One day, I wore Applejack's hat for a day because she said I could borrow it and I wanted to see what would happen if I wore it for a day. Do you want to know what happened? Well I will tell you. As soon as I put it on I started feeling an overwhelming urge to call everyone sugar cube and say y'all even more than I already do. And also start spouting ridiculous countryisms like I'm more winded than a rattlesnake in a buffalo stampede. Whatever the heck that means. Anyway, at the end of the day, I asked Applejack if she had an extra had I could keep and she said she had like five thousand cowcolt hats so I could definitely have a few. I wonder if Apple Bloom has as many bows as Apple Jack has hats. > Tanka Week Day 1 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Welcome dearest friends To the magic of tankas! Longer than hiakus, We'll start a new adventure With a couple extra lines. > Tanka Day 2 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- “Hey, Super,” Ponks said, “I thought you’d update daily.” “Pinkie,” I replied, “It’s me we’re talking about. “I’m lucky if it’s weekly.” > Celestia Tanka > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Celestia has Four syllables in her name That’s rather awkward. Not as awkward as Twilight When she notices dat . > Trenderhoof Tanka > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- “Trenderhoof”, I said, “stop fetishizing earth pones. “It’s kind of racist. “I’m dating AJ for love, “Not ‘earth pony work ethic’.” > Ruby Pinch Tanka > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- My boyfriend likes her. I asked him for some deep cuts, And he said "Ruby". But I know naught about her So, uhhhh, drops story recs please! > Shining Amor Tanka > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- You already know I’m dating tons of hot mares. Did you also know?: Shining and Cadance both swing; That stallion loves cuddles. > bIG mAC tANKA > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Big Mac doesn't talk Unless there's something to say. He's quite taciturn. But ask him about his Belle And he will sing her praises. > Twilight drops a truth Tsar-Bomba > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- One day, Twilight Sparkle approached me. She said “Super, isn’t doing all these tanka poems just a cheap way to boost your chapter count without actually putting much work in? I’m surprised the mods haven’t gotten annoyed at you.” “You’re right, Twilight”, I replied. “Completely right. Want to make out?” “ Stop trying to change the subject. But yes, I would love to.“ And thus I successfully changed the subject despite her protestations and then Twilight Sparkle and I made out. As you know, I am dating her and many other ponies at the same time because I am a total stud. Being a total stud is one of my many special talents. > Cuddles > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- “ You know, Super,” Twilight began with a yawn, “certainly, I enjoy the satisfaction of effectively ruling and running Equestria and occasionally saving the world with my friends. But after a long hard day of bureaucracy or reforming villains or petrifying Cozy Glow instead of getting her the mental help she clearly needs for the billionth time (#justiceforcozyglow), there are few things I look forward to more than cuddling with you until I fall asleep in your forelegs, then groggily half waking up when you get up to sleep in your own bed because you snore so darn loud, not unlike—speaking of reformed villains—a certain Starlight Glimmer.” I smiled, slowly drawing meandering patterns in her fur with a hoof. “ I’m glad you enjoy it, beloved. And I’m not surprised. Being cuddled with is one of my many special talents.“ Twilight smiled and giggled. “Oh, Supes, you silly, that doesn’t even make sense.” I returned the smile as my eyes flickered yellow and red for the briefest of moments. “Oh, dearest Twilight, what fun is there in making sense? DUN DUN DUUUUUUUNNNNN!!!!! To be continued… > Chapter 989898989898 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- “Hey, Mecha-TwiSpike?” I started, noticing my corporeality suddenly collapsed to one state for the first time in aeons. “Yeah, Super Magnificent Excellent Wonderful Bounce House Trebuchet Trampoline Springboard?” “I think something went wrong. I think this chapter got misplaced.” “What makes you input that?” responded the 57.6æ-tall dual-headed cyborg. “Well, our brain harmonizers are outputting EA-576LL Equish, a dialect that’s been dead for centuries, and I snooped around the information segments (which as you may recall were once called chapters) before and after this, and I’m not seeing any mention of the Great Bugbear Uprising or the Flurry Purges, to speak nothing of your mecha-fusion integration celebration.” “Huh, yes, it does certainly appear we are both temporarily temporally and certainly cartesianally discombobulated, adrift in the sea of dimensions as it were.” “Well,” I transmitted, “as they say, when in Space Roam, do as the Space Roamans do.” Shall we entertain the priminoid creature currently siphoning this information with some nostalgic soundscapes from its era, specifically one particularly pertinent to our present predicament?” “I do say,” Mecha-TwiSpike vocated, “that sounds like a positively gay time. I do enjoy this era’s quaint electronically dubbed stepwise tunage. Please, sir, drop that bass-infused bump.” So I did: “Ah, yes, The Perennial Grave Marker”. A perennial favorite of mine as it’were,” they responded, bobbing their heads to the beat. “Say, Mecha-TwiSpike,” I suddenly vocalized, “do you want to make out?” They considered this a splendid idea, and we almost immediately locked exterior proboscides in phosphorescent bliss. Regardless of where I am in the history of the universe, making out always has been, always is, and always will be one of my many special talents. > Hey Cheerilee Cheerilee by Glaze and The Living Tombstone Tanka > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Consider the line, “I’m afraid to raise my hand”— It has a problem. This came before EQG. Why does her student have hands? > Stats Page generated in 0.076 seconds Total duration 0.376 seconds 1,165 users online 494,874 hits today, 1,554,714 yesterday • Site Statistics FIMFiction My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Super Trampoline the bat pony read the human paper that the human Super Trampoline sent through a portal every day and sighed. “Boy, the human world is depressing. I’m glad I live here in the Pony world with my 83 girlfriends and five boyfriends and two enby partners, all of whom I constantly make out with. I can’t imagine living in the human world where environmental activists are murdered and murderous teens are celebrated. I’d probably be really depressed and eat way too much as an unhealthy coping mechanism. That sure would suck.” I hate myself > Oh Snap this must be the Hundredth Chapter! Because I used % i % to insert the chapter number dynamically and the result is: 101101101101101101101101101101101101101101101101101101101101101101101101101101101101101101101101 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- One day, Super Trampoline moved in with a roommate. She will not be named in this chapter because we haven't figured out what her OC's name is yet. anyway, she is one of the few people wait no not people ponies of the feminine sort whom Super Trampoline is not dating, because he doesn't have his life together and that's very unsexy. However, they get along well because wait a minute this is supposed to be in first person my bad fam. Anyway we get along somewhat well when we're not driving each other crazy because I elevate her and encourage her and she calls me on my bull poop. Anyway I'm not dating her but I did set her up with my high school friend who we also need to come up with a pony named for. they are in love but have a hard time admitting it but she got super into archery because of him which is really cool. I like archery it's fun. Anyway, this is all happening in the pony world and definitely not in the real world this definitely is not just me talking about my real life this is definitely me talking about my pony life yep yep yep nothing to see here. Anyway, let's see one day I... Rolls the dice... Made out with Vinyl Scratch? Geeze, I really need to get more creative and original with this story.... Oh, okay, how about... I know! I made out with a male Diamond Dog because I am pansexual. Yes, that's what happened. There we go now we have some more pony elements to this. Also Applejack said the word(s) "sugar cube" 67 times yesterday. She really says sugarcube a lot. I'm not quite sure why but that's her thing and I love her. Did you know the very first chapter of this story was about Applejack? I did. Anyway yeah, Applejack is cute and she can kick apple trees very hard and I love her I think I'm going to go make out with her now okay bye. > Chapter 102: I Cleaned My Room! > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- No really, I cleaned my room! I took a six hour nap and then I spent eight hours cleaning my room! It’s now cleaner than it has been in many months! I’m really proud of myself. Anyway my roommate is off at an archery tournament (i’m super proud of her! ) which is definitely something that happens in Equestria so I don’t even need to ponify it or anything so I’ll have to wait for her to get back to be proud of me but I can be proud of myself right now and Kafei The cat who I think I introduced last chapter I honestly don’t remember? But Rarity has a cat so again, having a cat happens in Equestria so I don’t need to change it. Anyway Kafei the cat is proud of me too. Well, if he understood why he now has less boxes and bags on the floor of my room he can hide in. But I cleared some shelves so he has more places to sit because cats like to sit high up and survey the land. I love him so much and I want him to be happy. Anyway I am I should probably include some pony specific details which make clear that I am definitely a pony and not a human or anything. Um… ... ... Twilight Sparkle lent me her vacuum? Wait why do I keep thinking that Twilight lives in Ponyville now? Am I in the past or something? Isn’t she off rolling in Canterlot? Ha ha I’m using voice to text that was supposed to say ruling but I’d like to think she’s at a rave high on MDMA. Can I talk about drugs in a rated-everyone story? I mean… If old Timey cartoons could show people drinking and smoking… I don’t feel like that is much different? Still, if you’re a kid and you’re reading this, don’t do drugs until you’re 18 and do your research because your brain is still developing until around the age of 25 and some drugs like alcohol can deleterious affect this process. Oh and stay away from opioids and meth. But yeah, now Twilight’s vacuum is full of cat hair lol. > Listen to Tower of Babel by Elton Bon > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Author's Note: I highly encourage you to view this chapter on a computer or tablet as opposed to a mobile phone. Trust me, it's worth it. Also there's a hidden easter egg hidden somewhere with G5 spoilers. See if you can find it! (Fun fact: all the BonPun pics are on Twibooru since the artist wanted them off of Derpibooru for some reason) It's a really good deep cut by Elton John. It's similar to "God Only Knows" by The Beach Boys in that the bassline has tons of non-root notes. Kind of proggy, and about the decadence and decay in the music industry. Kind of Elton John's "Hotel California" if you will. Anyway, one day, Bon Bon was pregnant. Equestria has magic, so AFAB lesbians can conceive together. I can't go into the details of the spell though because it has to do with no no parts, and this is a rated everyone story. Though like, even though it's "Rated E", I wouldn't want my child to read this. Hypothetical child that is. Pony Jesus knows I ain't anywhere near ready for kids. Anyway, I wouldn't want my hypothetical child to read this, not because it's inappropriate for children, but because it's awful dreck so awesome that anything else they ever read would be a faded tattered rag by comparison. Nothin' personal, kid. Just looking out for ya. Anyway, Bon Bon was pregnant, with Lyra her very happy wife. And I got an invitation to the baby shower which is pretty cool because despite dating the Main Six, Starlight Glimmer, Sunset Shimmer, Princess Cadance, Shining Armor, Luna, Celestia, Daybreaker, Nightmare Moon, not Trixie because she's strictly a lesbian, not Spike because he's a minor and I'm a libertarian but not that kind of libertarian, Not Pear Butter because she's dead, Zecora, Sunburst though we're more just friends with cuddle benefits, Discord sometimes, Big Mac, Braeburn, Caramel, Sassaflash, Coco Pommel (Miss Pommel as she now goes by), and dozens of other ponies I'm too humble to list (Humility is one of my many talents), they all use birth control or can't get pregnant or in Cadance's case bore a child before we started dating, so I've never actually been to a baby shower before. So I went. My gift was a free bassinet I got using the amazing Freebie Alerts/Free Stuff app I also used to get a bomb-arse sound system and a ton of cat food for my Roommate's cat Kafei. Oh yeah I don't live with my mom anymore. Should probably write a chapter about that or something. Anyway, Congrats to Bon Bon and Lyra! (Just please don't do a frickin' gender reveal party please I am begging you.) Pictured: Some of my many girlfriends: Also, I had a really greasy but really delicious cheese and tofu quesadilla from the local mom and pop Neighxican restaurant about a thousand feet from my place. I saved one slice for later. Moderate portion control is another one of my many talents. Too bad my lovely girlfriend Twilight Sparkle who as you know I am dating doesn't like quesadillas, or else I would offer her the left overs. I'd offer the last slice to my cool roommate, but she's currently in New Neighxico for an archery tournament! > This Chapter Contains a Slightly Strange Picture of Two Sandwiches I Made Today and Also a List of the Ingredients Contained Within Each Sandwich. Oh, and Also a Pizza Recommendation. > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Once Upon a Time, I, Super Trampoline, went to the local Ponyville Ralph's supermarket and bought a ton of sandwich supplies. The truth is, it's been many years since I actually got around to buying sandwich-making supplies. I also bought a really bomb-diggity frozen pizza that has a fabulous marmalade sauce. It's available at Pony Ralph's (and presumably Pony Krogers and Pony Food 4 Less as well) and if you want to buy it yourself, here is a link to the online product description: https://www.ralphs.com/p/private-selection-five-cheese-marmalade-thin-crust-frozen-pizza/0001111088771/international/equestria/ponyville Then I made myself two sandwiches for the first time in years. As Pinkie Pie once said in a song a lot of folks aren't fond of but I think is a bop, "you gotta share; you gotta care", so I took the sandwiches through the mirror portal and shared them with my human self. What is interesting is that the mirror portal transmogrified them into sandwiches an omnivore human would like, including meat. Fortunately no horse meat. That would have been really awkward. And then we ate the sandwiches. Both had keto bread (not sure what made it keto, but it had a ton of fiber and not too many calories), mozzarella cheese, and whatever the generic version of Miracle Whip is. One also had colby jack cheese, dried chopped onion, sliced honey ham, sliced smoked turkey, sliced roast beef, and a folded over leaf of romaine lettuce. The other also had blue cheese crumbles (or bleu cheese crumbles if you're reading this is Prance or the Prench parts of Caneighda I can't think of a good horse pun for [FanOfMostEverything help a brother out? Something involving Quebec or Montreal probably?]), barbeque pulled pork, and fried onion bits. Both were delicious. My pony digestive system's probably going to have a field day once I go back through the portal though Ooh I actually feel it having a field day now. Guess I'm ending this chapter now. Thank you for reading, and have a great night, everypony! Sorry for the poor and frankly kind of weird image quality; funky stuff happens when you take Equestrian cameras through the mirror portal into the human world. > Big Mac and I Make Out. Also, I'm Sad No One Commented On My Sandwiches :((( > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- One day, Big Macintosh approached me while I was eating leftover sandwich-making ingredients (hey, continuity between chapters!). "H-hello, Super Trampoline," he said, somewhat meek and demurely. "Well hey there, Big Mac! What brings you round these parts?" He looked shy and bashful. "I... I would like to explore my... uh... I'm not sure I'm entirely straight. And well, since you are such an open-minded stallion, I was wondering whether uh, we could... experiment." Awwwww, how sweet. "Awwwww, how sweet!" I responded. "Big Macintosh, you're a stand up stallion any pony of any gender would be honored to call a friend, cuddle buddy, make out partner, or possibly even something more that I can't discuss in this story because it's rated everyone. (Keeping this story E-rated is one of my many special talents.)" "Story? What are you on about, Trampoline?" he asked askingly. "Nevermind all that. Fourth wall stuff. Ask Pinkie Pie about it sometime. Anyway, would you like to cuddle and make out with me?" "Um, yes, I would like that very much." And then Big MacIntosh and I cuddled and made out with each other in the hay loft of Sweet Apple Acres for two hours. It went very well, because cuddling and making out with Big MacIntosh in the hay loft of Sweet Apple Acres for two hours is one of my many special talents. > I hang out with Purple Smart > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Once upon a time my roommate was sad so I gave her a massage. She's an archer and athlete so she's almost always sore, and I like bringing joy to people by giving them massages. Giving joy to people by giving them massages is one of my many special talents. Lol I should probably come up with a new joke. Do you have any suggestions? Please Leave them in the comments. Anyway, Twilight Sparkle swung by, which is unusual because I usually drive her off the wall bonkers. Not to be confused with a caffeinated Pinkie Pie, which would be an off the wall Ponkers. I love Pinkie Pie. Have I mentioned that I'm dating her? We've been dating for six years now! She's poly. She's engaged to Cheese Sandwich. Dude's pretty alright. Killer accordion player. Here's his human version playing "Classical Gas": Oh, anyway, Twilight came by because Trixie was at her castle and Trixie can be so insufferable that hanging out with me is bearable by comparison. I made her a cheese and tofu quesadilla and she and my roommate played Pony Magic the Gathering for a while. They get along pretty well, which is cool since I'm dating Twilight. Which is kind of strange given how annoying I am, but I think she finds it secrettly endearing or she wouldn't still be dating me after all these years. Being secretly found endearing by Twilight is yet another of my seemingly innumerable special talents. What can I say, I'm a stallion of many special talents! > Help I'm Stuck in a Very Short Chapter! > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Please Send Help. I've become laconic! > Follow & Support Us Support us PATREON Chat! DISCORD Follow us TWITTER MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2020 Hasbro Inc.® Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.® > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- One day, Applejack and Rarity complained that they weren't being featured in this story very often. Then Twilight Sparkle appeared and asked why the heck they would want to be featured in this horrible story, and they said because it is an honor to share the same words and pages and relationship and life with me, Super Trampoline the bat pony. Anyway, Applejack and Rarity even if their relationship isn't canon, definitely also have a thing for each other. I know I'm really prone to talking about how much I make out with my numerous filly friends and occasional colt friends, but for once, because humility and featuring the lives of other ponies is one of my numerous special talents, I just want it to be known that Applejack and Rarity then made out a bunch. Gay. > Dawn of a New Era > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hitch looked around. "Where the mayonnaise are we?" "Bing Bong!" shouted Izzy in return. "Izzy?" Sunny Starsproutscout interjected with concern, "Did they finally get to you?" "Lol, no I'm just mayonnaising with you!" "Are we just using mayonnaise as a (proper technical term for a word substitution) for []?" asked either Zipp or Pipp; neither got enough character development. "Astute observation," replied the lavender heliotrope unicorn. "Speaking of observation, I too am confused as to our location." Super Trampoline trotted into view. "Welcome, welcome, silliest and cold to a new generation of poorly written story! Welcome, friends to !" "Okay," Hitch replied, too used to weird shchtuff by now to question the weird obese batpony suddenly appearing, "but that answers the larger question of where we are in a general sense but not specifically. This looks like some bastardization of an indoor buckball tournament stadium." "Oh yeah," Super Trampoline said. "I'm writing this chapter as an extra on a basketball court set for an untitled Lakers project. Been on set for almost 16 hours now. Going to get that sweet sweet overtime though! Anyway, just because G4 is over doesn't mean that Please Downvote.is over. My new G5 friends, welcome to Tartarus." Izzy and Sunny and friends stared,.mouths agape. "Haha nah just kidding this is more a kid friendly version of heck." > Hello, my name is Bryan, and I would like to apply for this opportunity. I am confident and outgoing, have a flexible schedule, am easy to work with, have a reliable car, and am vaccinated. My email is bchandleremail@gmail.com, my phone number is (714) 49 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Pinkie Pie wandered into this chapter. "Hey, Super Trampoline, I see you changed the story title. Are you being a troll again?" Super chuckled lightly. "Pinkie Pie, when am I not being a troll?" "When you're depressed? So like most of the time really." "Ouch. Touche. Well you know what would make me feel better?" "Pranking unsuspecting FimFiction readers with a dead joke that's been dead for like two decades now?' "Yes, that's the game plan get it the game plan? Haha. But no besides that, I was thinking we could make out. That way instead of using a decades-old dead joke, we use a 5 year old dead joke. Holy shit have I been writing this for 5 years? Probably; I'm too lazy to check. Anyway, want to make out?" "You know, just repeating ad nauseam the same unfunny joke doesn't magically make it funny," Twilight Sparkle interjected in the only appearance she makes in this chapter. "Whatever, dweeb. I'm choosing to ignore you," Super Trampoline hypocritically said, as by replying to her, he was in fact not ignoring her. Lol. Oops accidentally slipped into third person for a minute. Anyway, so Pinkie Pie and I made out. It was fun. Not like it ever isn't. > This chapter is kinda weird even by the standards of this story, but also one of the few chapters that doesn't include an increasingly dumb joke about making out. > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- "It occurs to me," Super Trampoline said, "that--" "I thought this story was in first-person or first-pony perspective or whatever," Twilight said. Super smiled. "It is! But as a sendup of bad fanfiction, wouldn't it in fact be highly appropriate for it to switch tenses and perspectives sometimes? If I feel really saucy, I can also switch aspect and mood. Not that I've every actually been able to explain how all those verb conjugations work, which as someone who prefers understanding concepts to memorizing stuff, I find very frustrating." "Nerd!" Gilda said. She does not appear further in this chapter, but I figure Twilight calling me a nerd would be kind of... ironic? Anyway, if we want to get extra spicy, we could try second-person!: You are Super Trampoline. You're a loser who lives in Ponyville, or at least pretends to because he's a manchild who holds onto My Little Pony as a security blanket that comforts him as he constantly falls short of his goals, expectations, and potentials in life, doomed to forever--" "Hey Super?" Pinkie interupted. "Yes," you reply, morosely. "Please for the love of Faust, hurry up and get a therapist instead of dealing with your problems through numerous maladaptive coping mechanisms." "Dang Pinkie, you didn't have to go so hard. You do realize you're the pony I most relate to, right?" "No duh, but I also have my [yay] together far more than you do. Also, I'm not real." You, still Super Trampoline, decide that maybe you should switch back to first person or at least third person perspective. This is getting a bit too real. Although to be fair, your first second-person story () is also super depressing and the one that made it into the Royal Canterlot Library, though they censored some of your interview answers because you were being an edgy commie and some of your comments could have been with a very liberal interpretation seen as avocating for violence against those in power like cops and landlords. Boy was that a doozy. Anyway, to circle back around to the first line of this chapter, it seems to me I can kind of just have random conversations with ponies and it should be fine. "So, Pinkie," I said, finally in the "correct" perspective again, although that presumes a prescriptivist rather than descriptivist role to language as as long as you, the reader (Not you, the depressed batpony named Super Trampoline), understand who is doing what, as perspective should be about providing clarity, not carving unassailable rules into stone. Shout out to e.e. cummings for being a real G in that department. Anyway, the point is, I can change tenses as much as I want as (wait I keep saying tenses when I mean perspectives, though the same line of thinking can be applied to tenses as well) long as it remains unambiguous who is saying what, unless your goal is ambiguity--looking at you post modernists and James Joyce. Haha remember that time darf parodied James Joyce? I should actually read that one of these days: Anyway, yeah, I'm going to have a lot more conversations with ponies in the near future. Oh heck just remembered one of my deep cuts was called conversations with ponies or something like that , but THE MAN aka knighty said that I was over using colored text so all the text is one color now. Gay. Not as gay as your mom though oooooo gottem! aye ROTFLMFAO > I'm a ballistics expert. And I'm a PC! > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- One day, or one evening rather, Super Trampoline was working on writing another chapter of his purposely-awful My Tiny Gecko fanfic, called "Please Do Not Upvote This Story". Izzy Moonbow was nearby in this nebulous setting, doing Izzy Moonbow-ish things. Probably involving glitter, knowing her. Thus we have the scene set for my to write out the scene that I built in my mind while trying to get myself to get out of bed an hour ago. Yes I was in bed at 6pm. My life and sleep schedule are heckin wack. Anyway, with all that boring expository stuff out of the way, we can now proceed to Izzy's line: "Super, stop using pony fanfiction to procrastinate on cleaning your mom's house before you pick her up from the airport." "Dang Izzy, go off I guess!" "Hey, I'm a ballistics expert and truth bombs are my weapon of choice! (as seen in the following clip containing the best line in the new movie) "That's cute. How long have you been saving that line?" I asked, finally back in first person after that weird last chapter. "You came up with it, silly. I'm an imaginary construct modeled after an equally imaginary but much more official imaginary construct owned by Hasbro and used to sell toys. "You're a lot like Pinkie, aren't you?" "Yep! Although I'm more on the Attention Deficit side of ADHD than the Hyperactivity side of things. Actually, that's one reason ADHD is less diagnosed in fillies than colts (same thing with autism), because the symptoms for fillies tend to be less noticable or rationalized as laziness or immaturity. Well, at least in the human world. We haven't seen much of modern Equestria so I can't really flesh out what things are like here. Other than that Alphabittle is hot, but we all knew that already. Hey, you like gay stuff, you should write one of your dumb make-out jokes with him!" I should, shouldn't I? > Chapter 113: Tanka Week 2: Tanka Harder: Electric Scootaloo > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- At this point in time, I remembered that the sight rules frown upon featuring non-pony lyrics. Although parody seems to generally be fine. Sight rules also frown upon chapters that solely exist to give updates, announcements, etc. Also also, I think it's spelled site, not sight. Anyway, let's try this again, this time sans (from Undertale!) Slim Shady. Tanka Week is back More Japanese poetry Five lines at a time The best story on this site Gets even better this week Twilight Sparkle sighed. "Why, Tramp, Why?" I was slightly offended, but only slightly, because Twilight is hot and like most stallions I have double standards. Haha just kidding but not as much as I wish I was. Anyway, I replied: "Twilight, I memorized and analysed "The Raven" in third grade. I won multiple poetry contests in middle school and high school. I've written over fifty songs though I do suck at finishing and recording them though that's its own issue. I won the Wildwood music camp skit night FOUR YEARS IN A ROW with my parody lyrics which remains one of my proudest accomplishments. I'm one of the few authors on this site who doesn't fear failing "The Zecora Test" as PresentPerfect calls it because I find rhyming easy. In 2015 I memorized "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock" Haha just kidding about that last one I'm not THAT big of a nerd although Horizon is haha frickin nerd: Anyway also I have my own collection of ponified and original song lyrics on this very site which has way more downvotes than I think it is entitled unlike this story which doesn't have enough downvotes please tell your friends to downvote it too lol anyway link to that compilation which I need to update with my changeling parody of "Gansta's Paradise": Anyway the point is, Twilight Sparkle IF THAT'S EVEN YOUR REAL NAME (extremely obscure Leftbook joke no one but me could possibly ever get if you really want to know look up a cool despite blocking me cat with a last name of Tolbertsmith I don't know what her first name is these days but once we went on a cool hike through a forest in Washington DC and there were a bunch of cool mushrooms and an uncool cat by the name of Justin Arjoon who's a real nob I hope nob isn't a curse word in british this is a rated everpony story) anyway the point I am making in this long rambling rant that has made this chapter that is ostensibly supposed to be a tanka let again one of the longer chapters by the standards of this largely short-chapter story is that poetry is one of the few writing activities I'm ACTUALLY good at, so please, I implore you, shut the frick up!" "Yeesh," some guy on 4chan Twitter said, "triggered much". "Yeah, kinda, I replied." "But again," Izzy Moonbow said, appearing in this chapter because she echoes a salient point she made a chapter or two ago, "you got triggered by a character you wrote. So like, that's a self-burn." Oh snap, an excuse to post a clip from the best sitcom of all time: (I've only watched the first episode of the last season so plz no spoilers kthanxbi) So yeah, um that chapter was a thing that happened. I need to get ready for my night driving job which I love, so toodles! Love you all drink water stay safe use protection in a rated e sense since this is a rated everypony story and look both ways when you cross the street eat fruits and veggies check nutrient labels and try to avoid too much added sugar and get a good night sleep and ask for help if you need help anyway I love you all above all practice love and kindness and be good to yourself and others see you later Pony Bros! > Chapter 114: Tank Tanka > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tank is a turtle Or maybe he's a tortoise? A reptile for sure. Either way, he's loyal to Dash And Dash commits environmental terrorism to protect him. Oops that was more than seven syllables, lol my bee fam > Chapter 420,69: Celestia's Tonka Truck-Sized Badonka Tanka which does not feature the appearance of Ivanka or Sri Lanka > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- " Super! " Twilight angry yelled very loud with much commotion and frustration Uh oh I thought. Hey Twilight sparkle, Princess of equestria, how are you doing? "Are you about to miss use Japanese poetry by making it about celestia's large behind?" Twilight sparkle, I replied in as Sachurine and blatantly fake of a voice as possible, how could you, you wound me. I would never make fun of our dear Celestia and her ineffably collosal rear end that is both red shifting and blue shifting simultaneously Wow, Twilight replied that is actually a very slightly clever cosmetology joke well played anyway remember this is a rated everyone's story you cannot use inappropriate content. Are you telling me that celestia's Pixar Mom-sized posterior is inappropriate content for a five line poem with syllables per line of five, seven, five, seven, seven? Yes Twilight said face hoofing. Yes I am. Wow I said, truly hurt. So much for the tolerant left. > Thanksgiving Tanka, Ostensibly, But Really More About the Fleeting Nature of Youth, Featuring Pinkie Pie > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hey Ponkers, I said, neglecting quotation marks because God is dead and we have killed him, how are you? "Doing alright, although I suspect we're about to get philosophical, and while I do appreciate that from time to time, I do have a Thanksgiving Party to be setting up." "Okay, well, that answers one of my questions," I said, deciding to use quotation marks again because life is too short to get this story taken down again for ignoring the basic rules of grammar, which I feel is a little bit of a double standard considering some of the drek that's on this site, but no matter. Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, anyway, Ponkers, I invited you here so that I'm not talking to myself, which is always a bit wierd. And yes, I know, you're a fictional character, we don't need to do that bit again. Everyone here is a fictional character, even myself. Yes, behind these words is a human on earth, but this version I portray of myself is a creative fiction. I mean first of all, I'm not really a pony. Pretending I am was one of the reasons I originally got like a three year ban from staffing at BABSCon, although like Everfree Northwest (which unlike BABSCon which had legitimate grieviences with the 2014 version of me, had me temporary banned from staffing for 100% bullshart reasons) but anyway in both cases I would just wander onto staff anyway in a low level role so as to gain access to the staff lounge and thus to free food, and sometimes a free badge. But to be clear I always am a legitimate help on staff and do enjoy helping run conventions. Anyway, where was I with all this. Oh so to put a bow on that story, as of 2019 and 2021 respectively, I'm officially off of both ban lists. Everfree 2019 was actually one of my favorite cons I've done and I'm really glad I went and also playing a 3 a.m. pony piano set on acid on the renegade stage and actually having people show up to watch was a huge highlight for me (Which Wootmaster needs to hurry up and get on YouTube lol). Anyway, the point is that I'm a fictional representation of myself, although perhaps not as much as some folks here, as people who meet me IRL at conventions say I basically have the same energy as I do online and I am pretty much exactly who they expect me to be, which is one of the benefits of having no filter and shartposting on main. Anyway where was I going with all this? Oh yeah, "Hey Ponkers, you know how I've liked using Izzy Moonbow as a character to interact with in recent chapters?" "Yes, I've noticed, you've replaced me," Pinkie said, eyes growing wide and watering. "Wow, Pinkie Pride all over again," I muttered. "Lol nah I'm over that shart," Pinkie said. "I know now that self-worth comes from within. Also I'm literally married to Cheese Sandwich now (pretend I linked to Aragon's comic about that again lol)." Anyway, the point this chapter original was going to make was about how it's been so long since we've seen new main characters, it's weird to have new characters to fall in love with, and possibly have a slight crush on Izzy Moonbow, new best pony, but the awkwardness arises from when I watched G5, I generally was around the same age as the main characters themselves, beginning watching them in 2012 when I was 21 and the series ending in 2019 when I was... 27 I think? Anyway, I'm 29 now and currently sort-of-dating (she's aromantic and we haven't defined the relationship yet because I don't want to rush or ruin things and don't have to figure out what we are yet) a 24-year-old and even that feels kind of weird, so now with a new generation of main characters presumably in their low 20s, I'm starting to feel a lecherous creep sexualizing them. wait this is rated everyone can I even be talking about this shart? Like you notice I've been saying shart instead sh[]t like this is The Good Place or something (Oh Fork!). Anyway, oh well, as long as we're all consenting adults, who cares. Wow is this still rated everyone? It better be. Or else I mean, I'll have to go back and edit this. Lol I think that's what I wanted to talk about originally before pivoting to talking about whether Ponies have Thanksgiving, and how they do have an episode with Buffalo which a lot of people don't really like and especially don't like Pinkie in it even though I think her song and appearance as a... euphemism for the type of ladies who would wear what she wears in the old west was really great." "Thanks, Super," Pinkie said, reminding me she was there and I was talking about her. Anyway that episode has could be seen as an example of early installment wierdness since pony wasn't really planned out more than a season at a time and no one knew it would be such a smash hit and most series aren't planned out multiple seasons in advance, with a few exceptions like Gravity Falls and Avatar: the Last Airbender anyway, wow this chapter is almost a thousand words long I wonder if I should release it as a dumb standalone chapter but rated teen instead of everyone as a cheap excuse to publish another story since the story guidelines are that you can release different-rated versions of the same story. I mean, I have been considering starting a Please Downvote! After Dark for a while now, with the goal of it being the second-most downvoted story, though I don't know whether it would be as much of a hit as the original. Who knows. Anyway, I only have like a dozen words until this reaches a thousand words, and according to the Word Count (estimate): 1,003 • Paragraphs: 9, I'm now there. Anyway, have a wonderful Thanksgiving everypony! Oh right, the Tanka. The Thanksgiving Tanka. The Tanka for Thanksgiving Thanksgiving Tanka I'm thankful for all of you Who read this dumb tale. MLP and Internet Unite us in harmony > Can't sleep tanka > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- I can't sleep. Oh wait I just yawned. So nevermind. I just yawned again. "Super stop giving live updates of whether you're asleep or not when you're crashing on my couch your voice to text is really loud somehow even louder than your snoring!" "Sorry, twilight. Although, doesn't this castle have like five or six guest rooms?" "It does Super trampoline. Don't you have five or six Noodle incidences which explain why you are not allowed to crash in the guest rooms anymore?" "Ghey" > Chapter 69,000,000,000,118: Finally an Actual Tanka: Making Out Tanka > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- I made out Ponks Then I made out with Glim Glam Then Shining Armor Multitudinous hotties I make out with every one. > Chapter 119: Nap Tanka > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Rainbow Dash is smart. No, not book smart or street smart Rather she's nap smart. She inspired me to nap Five hours this afternoon! Artist is Malte279 > Boyfriend Broke Up With Me Tanka > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- My boyfriend dumped me yesterday Leaving me just a little less gay I'm too broke for drugs But I could use some hugs And dumb memes to numb my dismay. The writing I saw on the wall As I haven't been giving my all This was no surprise but still generates sighs mall paul, fall, ball, tall... ...pau gasol... okay i'm bored I need to go shower "Super, that's a very poorly constructed limerick, not a tanka." "Just give me this one, Twilight. Just for once can you not be a pedant?" "Yeah, fair enough. Come on, let's go get you a milkshake. On me." "How did you know that's my favorite unhealthy desert?" I've been intermittently trapped in this story for six years. I know you far better than I ever wanted to." "Oof, valid. Wow I've really been writing this for six years? Time certainly flies. Well, want me to get you a milkshake too?" "No, it might bring all the boys to the yard." I smiled. "Wow, Twilight, a humorous pop culture reference from you? Will wonders ever cease?" "Hey, I can be funny!" "Sure thing, egghead. Come on, that Caramel Malt isn't going to eat itself." > Chapter 121: Chapter 121: Chapter 121: Chapter 121: Chapter 121: Chapter 121: Chapter 121: Chapter 121: Chapter 121: Chapter 121: Chapter 121: Chapter 121: Chapter 121: Chapter 121: Chapter 121: Chapter 121: Chapter 121: Chapter 121: Chapter 121: Chapter > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- One day Applejack ate a cantaloupe (spelled with a "u" apparently. What is it, British? Or whatever the dumb pony pun for Brittain is. Skitland and Skittish? nah that would be a pun for Scotland. Anyway, as alway England stinks, the IRA was based and free Northern Ireland.) . The Foal Free Press, low on actual news to report on, covered it as if it was some sort of shocking drama. I dunno The Episode where Twilight Rarity invites AJ to judge a fashion contest or something was pretty cringe so I noped out halfway through but this scene at least is golden: The "Mmmmmhhhmmm" from Rarity especially. I love all my girlfriends, even when they are a bit too brutally honest like AJ was during that episode. Anyway, even though in the human world my boyfriend broke up with me a couple days ago, here in the pony world I am still dating dozens of ponies so everything is peachy keen. Wait peachy? No I'm not trying to make a bunch of fruit puns no don't do it Super don't give into the temptation no no no no no NOOOOO (I'm so sorry) Why didn't the Watermelon and Honeydew run off to Las Pegasus to get married? [page_break] Because they can't elope !!! HAHAHAHAHAHAH get it? Why am I writing this at 2:34 in the morning I'm supposed to be cleaning and doing laundry. This is apparently Honey Dew. It's the only picture of her on Derpibooru > Chapter 122: It Begins > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Pinkie Pie sniffed the air. Then she sniffed some more. Then she (carefully) sniffed her hoof to make sure she hadn't stepped in anything. Nope, it was definitely something in the air (tonight, oh woah) The atmosphere was wet with potential energy. Electric, you might say. Like the energy in the verse of "Let's Do the Time Warp Again" where they're ramping up to something big (in this case, the chorus) Pinkie's nose itched. She scratched it. Something is lurking something is near huge was seconds from striking. And then it hit her. A full body convulsion, like lightning. A Pinkie Sense eruption that violently shook her entire being, her muscles seizing and spasming as she struggled to breath, as if afflicted by strychnine poisoning. No, I'm not planning to commit murder or avicide; I don't remember why but Strychnine was one of many articles in a wikihole (is it appropriate or ironic that Wikipedia has an article about getting lost in Wikipedia articles? I can't tell anymore. Thanks for misleading an entire generation of the precise nature of irony, Alanis Morissette. Now that's ironic!) I fell into yesterday. It was at this moment that it hit me. The lightning was inside my own brain. I wasn't having a seizure. I was having an epiphany. The story continues in this blog post > USe 123 To iNSert thE chaPTEr NumBER dynaMIcalLy > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hey, Sprout," Super said, nonchalantly, "Wanna cuddle?" "What do I look like, a ?" "Dang, dude, no need to be a homophobe. Just get some therapy instead of going on power trips and being a bad sheriff." Then I hooked up with Hitch instead, because even though he's a cop, he's at least kind of cute and also recognizes he's kind of a jerkface who can change his cop ways. > One time I told Sibsy she look like a female Steve Perry and she got mildly annoyed > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Once upon a time, many many many years moons ago, I wrote a shipfic about Doctor Hooves and Fleur Dis Lee which since I'm typing this on my phone while watching a Christmas concert my friend is in, I'm too lazy to go find a link to. Maybe I'll update that story someday. Or maybe I'll start liking mushrooms and olives and pickles and seafood. Both are about equally likely, that is to say, not very. Anyway, a cool side character in that story is Matchmaker Madamoiselle Pinkie Pie. However the heck you spell mademoiselle it looks like I wasn't actually that off Pinkie Pie, besides being best pony, also is an excellent matchmaker, especially when puns are involved. Thus she set Cadance up on a date with Spitfire. They're hitting it off pretty well, which is good, because just on ship name alone, you put those two together and you get "HeartBurn" > Prin124cess CELECECEcestia %i-i% Farts a Lot %i-420% 125P125r125i125n125c125e125ss 125Celestia 125F125a125r125t125s125 125a125 125l125o125t. > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- One day, Princess Celestia ate 37 Rice Krispie Treat packets. Unsurprisingly, the next day, she farted a lot, because those make you fart. The whole Palace smelled like Celestia farts. And her farts were extremely rank. Most ponies were too polite and scared of her to complain, but as we all know from that one episode where she switched Celestia and Luna's cutie marks, Starlight Glimmer doesn't particularly respect or fear Royalty. So she spoke the truth. No, not that truth, though she is quite correct. The other truth. "Celestia, if you're going to fart this much, you should really either teleport outside to do it, or at least go buy some Febreeze or Poo-Pourri or something. Your farts are worse than those of a manticore with food poisoning. It was true. Her farts did stink pretty bad. I was supposed to have a makeout session with her that afternoon at 4:30, but elected to instead reorganize my stamp collection with Twilight's help. In Ponyville, quite distant from Stinkerlot Castle. Philately is, after all, one of my many special talents. > Ponka Tanka > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Pinkie's a Pony, I used to think best pony (With Starlight second) But now with Izzy Moonbow Her crown may have been captured! > I wrote this chapter while on the clock at work because I'm a bad boy like sprout except with massively less racism and homoerotic tension with hitch > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- I wrote this chapter while on the clock at my delivery job, thus committing reverse wage theft. Boss makes a dollar I make a dime that's why I write horrific My Little Pony fanfiction on the company's time. Except I actually do get paid pretty well and I love my job. And I'm writing most of this while walking back from delivering because it turned out the front door was on the opposite side of the building from the garage anyway But I actually wanted to talk about was just how there is a Thistle bougie health food delivery company in both America and Equestria. The one difference is that the American one started in San Francisco and is now along the entire West Coast whereas here in Equestria, it serves Ponyville, Canterlot and a few surrounding towns I'm too lazy to come up with clever names for. This is because when I first made my bat Pony OC 7 years ago, of course I put him in ponyville where Twilight Sparkle and her friends were. Because of course I'm in ponyville that's where 90% of people put 90% of their ocs. How else would I be able to make out with Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy and Rarity and Twilight and rainbow dash and that other one haha Applejack is a background Pony joke Also starlight glimmer she's pretty cool but I mean she was just a twinkle in whoever the showrunner was at that point I I don't know probably Andrea lindman or something wait she's a voice actor I think I don't know I just know Ashley ball is the singer in Hey Ocean which is an excellent band you should check out and also inspired the name of one of my songs all right I'm just sitting in my car now so I should do my next delivery although to be fair my phone's charging for a bit right now Meghan mccarthy. That was the name I was looking for. Anyway, the point is that I live in ponyville. If this will was based on the West Coast and San Franciscolt I would have to teleport to Applewood (I'll be forever salty they made Vegas "Las Pegasus" instead of the far more groan-worthy pun Las Neighgas thus stealing Las Pegasus from Los Angeles anyway the point is if it was based on the west coast I would have to teleport hundreds of miles to work twice a week. And since as I have previously stated, I am not a Mary sue, teleportation is not one of my many talents. Food delivery is though. And if you live on the west coast, Thistle is hiring more overnight drivers. With all the bonuses it pays around 35 an hour and they're really flexible it's fun you should come work at Thistle and get me that sweet sweet recruitment bonus but seriously I do love this job it's not just that I get a recruitment bonus I would link to the application page but I'm too lazy also I need to get back to work and do my last four deliveries haha anyway yeah hope you have a nice night. > not bad. fugues are hard. i like that unexpected modulation around 1:00 and the passage which ensconces it. i would have liked more suspended notes, more variation of rhythm, more syncopation, a little more airspace, and personally i would prefer more var > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- One day Celestia ate thirty two rice crispy treats, but this time she took some Beano pills first, so she didn't really fart too much this time. So that was good. So we actually kept our make out appointment this time. I personally prefer my make outs to be a bit more spontaneous, but she's a very busy mare. Well I mean she isn't post-season 9 but lets say I did some time traveling or something or just this chapter actually takes place earlier in time than some of the other recent chapters I mean I started this story in 2015 for goodness sakes! > While attempting to write a chapter, Super Trampoline has an epiphany about glasses and his pony design > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hello dear friends, as you know one of the central concepts of this dumb story is that I try to get away with as much metal content as possible without it getting it revoked. While officially on the books the site Rule still say no medic content they seem to not really enforce it particularly strongly these days so I feel safe to be varied self-referential here. Anyway I don't remember what I was originally going to do to make this chapter about but my laptop screen broke about 5 months ago so now when I use it I hook it up to a computer sorry not other computer I'm using voice to text tonight I'm on a roll I don't want to erase the mistakes so I'm just going to keep talking anyway not a computer but a TV monitor or occasionally the $10 projector I got from UC Berkeley that it was originally worth almost $1,000 shout out to publicsurplus.com anyway the point is I realized I would need to go get my glasses to write this chapter and that's when I realized that the Pony version of me does not have glasses and that's a mystery I'm trying to picture my o c with glasses and I don't immediately see it although maybe that's the same way how in the human world I try to picture myself without baldness even though the top of my head is completely bare which I hate so where was I going with this oh yeah so like there's several possible explanations for this the most likely is that I just forgot to add glasses when I made my o c because I've had glasses how long have I had glasses I'm not sure I don't remember I feel like I have them in high school maybe I didn't I don't remember I should ask my mom anyway maybe the Pony version of anywhere as contacts but I hate the idea of wearing contacts and I'm fine with reading glasses so I doubt it's that it could be that I got LASIK or magic surgery in Equestria because Equestria has Universal Health Care but also I just don't mind wearing glasses that much but who knows you know the Pony version of me would have gone through different circumstances it's like how identical twins don't end up identical although I did watch identical twins play harp last night and that was an absolutely fantastic concert and I'm really glad I went they were really funny too so yeah I don't know why I don't wear glasses maybe I need to redesign my o c or maybe I need to assume that pony me got LASIK surgery or magic surgery or whatever because Equestria while not quite socialist like I wish it was is that least very much a social democracy in the model of the Nordic countries of the human world and so it has much better health insurance policies so it would not be a big deal for me to get vision correction surgery there I don't know I'll have to think about it that's a good thing to think about it's funny how sometimes real world events can Inspire sorry not real world as we know it questra is very real because that's where I live when I'm not writing this horrible Story I mean human world events can Inspire stuff within our Pony world there we go I think that's a good into this chapter and have a blessed day and remember to brush your teeth and try to eat more fruits and vegetables and less processed foods and empty carbs and also drink water I love you all > Super Trampoline Gives Two Cheese Recommendations: BellaVitano Merlot and Ricotta || Also I make fun of bronies a bit > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- One day the human version of Super Trampoline visited the Tustin Ranch Ralphs Grocery and got some pretty good deals, but he's a filthy meat eater so I'd rather not dwell on that. Anyway, in the pony world, I visited Robs Grocery, named after the pony whose name is Rob in the song "Danger Danger". And the cheesemonger there hooked me up with a bucking amazing cheese called BellaVitano Merlot. I have no clue what a Bellavitano is, but a Bellavitano Merlot (or Merlot Bellavitano as it was called at Robs) is cheese soaked in Merlot wine. Very pricey bougie cheese I won't buy all the time but holy kimchi it was heckin delicious! And ricotta cheese is great but lasagna never has enough of it in it so I just bought some as wing food. (finger food in the human world; it's a bit hard to stick a hoof in the plastic container, good thing I'm a bat pony. Sucks to be earth ponies I guess nah just kidding this story takes a stand against racism and I mean besides who would you rather face in a fight? Starlight Glimmer or Pinkie Pie? I dunno both are pretty OP I'd rather just make out with them. I think I'm going to go do that so have fun y'all hope you enjoy my cheese recs while I go enmesh muzzles with two of my favorite mare friends. Must suck to be the human reading this where Ponkers and GlimGlam are imaginary characters. But hey, maybe you can commission a custom dakimakura with them both on it and you can pick it up at BABSCon next year. You sad, sad, man (or possibly woman or enby, but statistically speaking, probably a man and/or manchild) > Chapter something or other, a PSA about Skin Cancer and my Poor Spelling Abilities > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Remember that whole plotline where I travelled in time to stop the alicorns in the future or past I don't remember which from destroying the world and the rebellion against them was camped on top of a plateau in the south aMAREican jungle or some junk like that? That was weird. But you know what else is weird? Your face. No seriously, please go see a dermatologist. I think that might be a cancerous legion. Or leason or Leasion or however you spell it. Hey mom you go to the dermatologist a lot because you whore tanning oil instead of sunscreen my mom is now informing me that sunscreen was not really around back then too much anyway I'll ask her, how do spell lesion legison lesion cool thanks mom. Huh that is how you spell it. Anyway, Skin cancer if caught early is rarely fatal. So yeah, go see your dermatologist. It could save your life. > Chapter 132: I Accidentally Turned Myself Invisible, so this Chapter might be kind of difficult to read. > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- One day, I accidentally turned myself invisible. "How is something you do 'accidentally' a talent?" you may ask. To which I respond, remember Domino, the bad ass "lucky" chick who those of us who aren't nerds who read comic books first got introduced to in Deadpool 2? Well anyway, sometimes I accidentally use powers I didn't even know I had. But it only happens every couple weeks or so, so it's not too over powered or anything. I'm not a Mary Sue after all. Plus, sometimes the powers kind of stink. Like literally one time I suddenly gained the super power of being super smelly. Wait no nevermind I'm thinking of the time I was too depressed to shower for a week and a half, lol. Anyway yeah, I turned myself invisible, so hopefully you can figure out how to read this. I'm not a creep so I'm not going to like stare into pony's bathrooms or anything. I'll probably go prank my girlfriend Twilight Sparkle though. In the words of Homer Simpson regarding Weird Al Yankovic aka Cheese Sandwhich, "He who is tired of pranking eggheads is tired of life" well I mean he actually said: But I feel like the pranking eggheads version has a similar spirit. And who cares if it's bending the truth a little? In this mad post-modernist topsy turvy world, truth is relative and absolutes non existent. Tear down the old order of traditions and gender and hierarchical roles and destroy the family unit! Nah just kidding I sound like a bad parody of leftists you'd find in a Chick Tract: source: https://derpibooru.org/images/8716?q=chick+tract Anyway, hopefully I turn uninvisible soon. I wish I knew this was going to happen ahead of time; I would have come up with some more fun stuff to do. Maybe I can go to that My Hero Academia school with Bakugo or whatever his name is. I honestly don't remember. Though it'd be pretty weird being a 29-year old surrounded by 16 year olds. Not that that's particularly problematic by anime standards. God I hate fan service. > Title stories blogs new chapter add new chapter followers following chapter number dynamically > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- One day I started wondering about how many of these chapters start with the phrase one day but after considering it for about 5 seconds I went back to eating way too much of zebra popcorn to be clear this is popcorn that has chocolate stripes on it among many other delicious flavorings not popcorn made for zebras or even worse popcorn made of zebras. Anyways zebra popcorn is amazing but it's dangerous because it's so yummy yet so incredibly unhealthy. Which you know, is like most super yummy foods. Anyway I don't really have anything else interesting to report but some days are like that. Unlike some less realistic stories, this story depicts the more mundane domestic life of myself to show you that even amazing super awesome bat ponies who are not Mary Sues also have boring normal days where not much happens. Giving a wide perspective or a broad perspective is one of my many special talents. As is going to sleep which I think I'll do now because it's 7:00 a.m. I'm very good at sleeping. Except when I have insomnia but that's what sleeping spells are for am I right? > THIS CHAPTER INTENTIONALLY LEFT BLANK > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- > HERP DERP CHIRP CHIRP > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- One day, Derpy Hooves wandered into this story. "Oi, hey Derpibooruy, long time no see. How you been?" "Oh, hi there, Super Trampoline, very progressive of you to forget those of us who are handicapped the moment you no longer need to cash in diversity tokens." "Uhhhhhhhh..." I responded. "Haha just pulling your tail ya silly bugger!" I didn't remember Derpy being characterized as this spicy. "Oy, ya daft git! That's the beauty of fanfic innut? I wanna be some poor bastardization of a retarded Scotsmare, I can be, eh?" I, uh, wasn't how to respond to that. I mean, If she wants to call herself that? Um, welcome to the cast then, Derpy who acts like the munitions dude from TF2! "Yah salty wonker, it's a demoman! Christ on me crackers!" "Derpy! Language! This is rated E for Everypony. Not D for how many knockoffs swears Derpy can land!" "Oy, fine, but only if you do at least some cursory research on how Skittish (dumb pun of ponies from Skitland) folks actually speak, aye me bonny lad?" Yeah, okay, guess another wikipedia dive is in order. Please, everypony, welcome Derpy Hooves AKA Ditzy Doo AKA Muffins AKA a character I used too write a lot but haven't in a while to the cast of Please Downvote! > talking about drugs, which you should not do. > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Super Trampoline started this chapter around the same time he started eating Ben & Jerry's Topped Chocolate Caramel Cookie Dough and around the same time the Lakers-Grizzlies basketball game started. Wait this is a first person story. I've been eating a lot because I ran out of my ADHD medication and I try not to use the ummm, street version too often. Don't do drugs, kids. One of my many special talents is not being able to get addicted to substances outside of when I'm actively consuming them because the ADHD medication I took as a child flooded my dopamine reward system that in most people causes an innate connection in the brain between accomplishing something and feeling that feel good dopamine release. I still feel that somewhat, but I only connect the two intellectually rather than innately. I think. I'm still studying a lot of this stuff. Anyway, ADHD medication (and spells, since i have to at least make a half-rear-ended attempt of pretending I'm actually talking about my pony self and not my human self.), depending on whether whether it's a methyl-group or amphetamine salt-based medication, works by either helping the brain release more dopamine, or stopping it from absorbing said dopamine as quickly. That's why methamphetamine um I mean don't do drugs kids is so powerful, because it uses both of these mechanisms. Anyway, this is why I don't get addicted to stuff easily. The only addiction that happens to me is when it can be instantaneous, like when I'm stuck in a Wikipedia hole and each new link click gives a fresh little hit of dopamine, or another activity involving browsing the internet that I can't talk about because this is a rated everyone story but it's one you shouldn't do because it rewires your brain in a not-bueno way. And even those activities really only tend to roll into addictive positive feedback cycles when I already have a bunch of dopamine rattling around my brain and horsey magic systems. Anyway, that is all to say that while I don't get addicted to substances easily, that doesn't mean that the same is true for you. Ipso facto, don't do drugs, kids. Other than those that are legally prescribed by your doctor. You should do those, in a safe healthy manner as instructed. Yeah. > 🅱️ionicle > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Once upon a time, there was a very ugly loser pony. Wow haha funny original clever reference please help I hate myself lol adding lol after a dark statement doesnt make it less dark lol haha millennial humor amirite lol Im a 29 year old manstallionchild Jesus Christ on a bike He was so ugly and such a loser, that he had to write thousands of words talking about how amazing and talented he was and how all the other ponies who are hot were in fact dating him. This is not that story. No, this is the story Of Billy Joe and Bobby Sue seriously one of the best drum intros of all time. So oh this is rated everyone my bad iconic. Anyway, this is not that story, because Im not actually that ugly. A few people ponies even find me attractive. Its probably my personality and my enormous... wait this is rated E haha Im talking about my Bionicles collection what did you think I was talking about you freaking degen? Jeez louise. Same Spitfire, same. Apparently Spitfire loving Bionicles is a meme lol God I love this fandom um I mean Im a pony I love Spitfire we are currently dating by the way did you know that? Also my apostrophe/quotation mark key is broken. My laptop is slowly dying. Already for the past half year the screen hasnt worked so I plug it into a tv or another computer monitor or the projector I won in an auction on https://publicsurplus.com from UC Berkeley (University of Canterlot-Berkeley. Surprisingly there is no horse breed called Berkeley. Doesnt it just sound like it could be a horse breed? But its not. You can check this list of 4,000 breeds yourself if you dont believe me: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_horse_breeds_in_DAD-IS ) for ten bucks. Haha I just realized aMAREican slang for a dollar is already a horse pun lol. Anyway, Im not ugly, Im no super model, but a surprising number of ponies are attracted to me, including the twenty nine Im currently cuddling with right now. Thats right friends, Im in a cute pony cuddle puddle. Its pretty poggers. > Sunny Starscout joins the cast > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- One day in the nebulous G5 Universe I can fly to at will because hopping from one toy line marketing device to another is one of my many special talents, I asked Sunny Starscout what she thought of everyone shipping her and everyone else. "Hey, Sunny Starscout, what do you think about Bronies shipping you with literally every other main character?" "Well," she started, Starscoutingly, "I mean, they do that with Hitch too. And Izzy for that matter. I think Bronies just like shipping. Look at you, after all! I bet in this dumb story we're already dating, right?" I laughed a nervous laugh. "Who, us? Pishhh!" Or however you spell that noise you make with your mouth. "I haven't even asked you out yet! Jeez, don't rush the slow burn romance nature of this romance, Sunny!" Sunny Starscout smiled. "Well, fortunately, asking out loveable losers is one of my special talents. So, Trampo, would you like to get smoothies together sometime?" She smiled smuggly. Oh no, she's genre savvy!... ...that's so hot. > Chapter 139: Pipp sort of joins the party. Go follow Culture Slate on Twitter, Youtube, Facebook etc. I'm writing this on one of their computers lol > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Hello, everypony! Your favorite Princess here, Pipp Petals, popular preternaturally pretty pegasus pony! I understand some of you have been clamoring for me to join this dumpster fire of a story, and maybe even do a livestream about it! And I'm so honored! You know I love few things more than being there for my fans! Unfortunately, Super Trampoline is currently writing this on an extra computer at the Culture Slate production studio in Chatsworth, California, and at this very moment, their livestream room (there's only two rooms lol; it's a tiny studio) currently has a livestream livestreaming in it! Super's friend who is very cool but only the tangentalist of tangentally into pony is currently livestreaming his reactions to the latest episode of Book of Boba Fett cause Star Wars is Culture Slate's main focus and he's a huge frickin nerd. But also he lets Super come here and chill and chat and actually accomplish productive things here super late at night for free and it's a super chill spot, so Super considers himself very lucky! But I bet at another time that isn't literally exactly 85 minutes or so after said Star Wars expanded universe episode has dropped, Super could definitely talk his unnamed Star Wars nerd friend into letting me commander their nice fancy computers and lighting and mics and wired internet connection for some dank as feathers livestreaming with you, my amaaaazing fans! Won't that be exciting?! Pipp Pipp Perray! Until then, Y'all stay frosty and make sure to buy lots of G5 merch so that I don't suffer an early ignoble death like so many of my comrades from the past did. You deserved better, Clone High!" > chapter 140: Trixie explains a dumb prank she wants to pull on Twilight with my assistance to me. ALTERNATIVE TITLE: You better believe, I've got asides, diversions, and tangents up my sleeve. > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- One day Trixie approached me while I was crochetting. Just kidding I don't know how to crochet. Shockingly, it's not one of my many talents. Oh snap, subverted joke lololol! Anyway I do have a big booty cutie I've been chillin with a lot who's aromantic so I don't know what we are exactly, but we're super close and she spent a metric butt ton of time crochetting me a poggers crochet Pinkie Pie (AKA second best pony) that I in writing this am reminded I never actually posted a blog about, but she sits on the piano and keeps me company while I practice. (the Ponkers, not the friend. I need to figure out a pony name for her. She likes ballroom dancing and wants to open a dance therapy practice one day which I think is super cool. )Anyway, she unlike me does crochet a lot. Where was I? Oh right, Trix was like, "yo, Trampstamp, wanna help me prank Sporkles?" To which I replied: "Sporktacles? Wearer of cool spork glasses and lover of soup?" "Lol, no, Twilight Sparkle. It's just a silly name for her. "Valid," I said, because leftists love saying that word for some reason. It's like how right libertarians* love saying "But what if the--" wait this is rated everyone and also that joke is kind of beating a dead horse, if you pardon the macabre exception expression. *Or MandoPony, ToonKritic, and an unfortunate number of other bronies, unfortunate in that it's a number higher than zero. Anyway, Trixie was like "so here's the deal: You'll find Twilight where ever she's doing whatever the heck it is she actually does all day now that she is no longer narratively bound by the Friendship School plot device on account of finally learning what delegating is in that Season 9 episode with the swannening or whatever it's called (not to be confused with the 200th episode which also had swans. Something something Swan Song pun (obligatory 'mwap') and so my amazing girlfriend Starlight now runs it [Author's note: Starlight is also my amazing girlfriend as well, but Trixie is her primary partner. Poly gang gang!] "ANYWAY jeez Super I don't normally ramble this much you suck at writing The Great and Powerful Trixie's great and not so prolix dialogue. "Anyway you'll find Twilight and be like, 'Twilight, come quick! Trixie has fallen deathly ill!'" "Trixie, I'm not sure I'm vibing with the direction of you prank idea." "Hush, let Trixie finish." "Valid" "Anyway, Twilight will do her super OP teleport thing to outside my wagon, where Starlight, my beloved girlfriend will meet her, and be like, 'Twilight, I'm so glad you're here. Trixie's in an awful state; delirious, feverish, and seemingly in great pain! She's been calling out for you for several hours now. Oh Twilight, please I beg of you, see if you can help her! I'm too young to be a widow!" "Trixie, I can already tell I'm going to greatly disagree with this." "Don't put your CartsBeforeHorses, Super. Verily, I implore you, have patience young memer." "," I replied, in a style reminiscent of that of Wayne, the central among equals character (compare Twilight and the Mane 6) of the indefatigably brilliant show Letterkenny (on Hulu!) "right, so, Twilight enters my wagon, and after probably coughing because she always conspicuously coughs when she smells weed cause she's a little female dogwho likes bananas* *It occurs to me that there are now probably a sizable number of newer arrivals to the fandom who are unaware of this now over a decade old holy kimchi [cries at the inevitable swift passage of time towards eternal death and how many hours I've wasted writing this dumb story lol jk that's actually time well spentconsuming risque media content on the internet in a ruthless pursuit of dopamine] fandom classic: , she sees me lying convolescently in my bed, feverish and shaking. 'Twilight,' I'll raspily croak, 'I'm not doing so hot. My dear girlfriend Starlight figured out the malady causing my malaise though. Forsooth, I pray you might be able to, if not cure me, then perhaps at least sooth my suffering with pallative care and peanut butter crackers.' I opened my mouth to interject, but realized I had nothing to say. Trixie continued on like a runaway freight train on a steep mountain cut, like several present on the line spiraling up to Canterlot: "Twilight, voice rich with sorrow at the probably loss of her greatest rival, will reply 'Oh Trixie, though I have wronged you in the past, I am wiser now, and wish only to help you in your hour of greatest need. Pray tell, what ailment has the fair Starlight deduced to be the source of your woes?' "I'll beckon her closer, my voice barely a whisper. She'll lean in, anxious to hear my diagnosis. And do you know what I'll tell her?" I sighed. "No, Trixie, please enlighten me, what phony condition will you malinger?" Trixie cleared her throat, then stifled a laugh, presumably originating from the punchline she was about to impart. "'Twilight,' I'll wanly relate, 'I'm afraid this may be the end of the line for me. The prognosis is grim, the disease unrelenting. I have little hope that even a mage as powerful as you could stem the tide of this virulent infection ravaging my body. If Starlight is right--and as much as I want her to be wrong in this case, she rarely is--then what I have is terminal. "'Oh, Trixie, what illness could possibly fell one so great and powerful as you?' Twilight will ask, tamping down the tears that threaten to engulf her visage. And at last, I'll tell her: "'Twilight, I have ligma.'" And that's the story of why I spritzed Trixie with an anti-brat water spray bottle today. I originally was going to end this chapter saying I punched her, but honestly, that felt out of character for me. It would have felt pretty good though. > Trixie has Bofa > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- One day, Starlight appeared in Twilight's study. "Twilight, come quickly; Trixie has Bofa, and it's really bad!" Twilight sighed quite emphatically. "Fine, whatever, let's just get this over with." She grabbed Starlight with her magic and teleported both of them to the grass next to Trixie's wagon. They trotted into said wagon to find Trixie playing Wordle on her phone (haha current pop culture reference lol it's like referencing "Flappy Bird" three years ago!). Twilight cleared her throat. "Hello, Trixie. Starlight tells me you have a bad case of Boffa. But I suspect otherwise and would like to give a differential diagnosis." Trixie chortled. "Oh Twilight, for once I'm not pranking you. I have Bofa, not boffa!" Insert joke about how Twilight somehow can hear Trixie giving the alternative spellings and using italics. "The bofa you're thinking of is slang for 'both of', as in, 'Hey Twilight, I have some almonds and some cashews to snack on. Which one would you prefer, or would you like bofa these nuts?'" Twilight sighed again. "This was so not worth teleporting over here for." She made ready to teleport back, but Trixie interjected. "Wait!" "... yes Trixie?" " I really do have a Bofa problem. They keep charging me overdraft fees, and you love accounting stuff, so I was hoping maybe you could help me budget better," The gears in Twilight's head turned. "Wait, when you say Bofa, you mean..." "Exactly!" Trixie enthusiastically implied, "Bank of AMAREica!" "Trixie, to blatantly steal a line from an upcoming Super Trampoline Comedy he might someday finish, "You're not poor because 'the mare' is keeping you down you can't budget; you're poor because you keep buying 200-bit dab rigs and then breaking them while blackout drunk." "Can you say that in a rated-everyone story?" Starlight asked. "Buck if I know," Twilight replied. Anyway, get a frickin therapist, Trixie." "Okay, valid," the Great and DesperatelyNeedsTherapyful Trixie replied. "But surely at the very least, you, a vaguely progressive mare, would agree that overdraft fees suck fat of the land, the third studio album by The Prodigy To keep this rated everyone, if you actually listen more than a minute in to this, which I recommend cause it does go pretty hard, pretend that he's shouting "Smack my Pitcher", in reference to a pitcher of Lemonade being lip-smacking good. "Yeah," Starlight chimed in. "You're basically the most powerful creature on Earth. Why haven't you banished overdraft fees yet? That's not very cash money of you." At this point, I, Super Trampoline aka best pony behind Izzy, Ponks, GlimGlam, Twilight, Trix, and Rares, popped into this chapter. "Because, Starlight, Overdraft fees can be used for good too. After Bofa had stolen probably $400 over the years from me through overdraft fees, I got revenge by paying off my entire near- $3,000 paypal credit account using Bofa, then after they paid it and charged me an overdraft fee but before their mechanisms to protect them from that sort of thing kicked in, I paid a friend $2800 on Paypal and then had them pay me back $2,700 on cashapp and then said LOL rip my credit score and abandoned Bofa and PayPal Credit. Helped fund my last BronyCon trip lol. Don't recommend doing this though I wasted a lot of money back in my really depressed days. Lol Yolo Swag 420, I guess though, amirite?!" Trixie, Starlight, and Twilight all stared at me. Then, extremely impressed with my cunning and craftyness, they all made out with me for about half an hour, or the rest of The Fat of the Land, the third studio album by "The Prodigy", released in June of 1997. > Princess Zipp is gay > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- One day I was hanging out with Zipp. We were doing something probably skating or something. Speaking of G5 and skating, for a nice little character study, go read: Anyway, I asked her, "So, princess Zipp, how does it feel to not really be that flushed fleshed out, to be the least interesting main character of the new my little pony g5? Zipplock Baggy replied "well, honestly, as both very important and very strong, but not particularly interesting, I relate very much to Applejack." At this point, she produced an airhorn and blared it several times, and there was also some guy going "oh oh oh!" and a call of duty clicking noise of some sort. Then Smoke weed everyday started playing as sunglasses and a blunt decended from the heavens to alight upon her eyes and in her mouth, respectively. basically this: plus plus She lowered her shades in a super cool way. "That's right, I just made a background pony joke." Seeing her do that was really hot, so I told her I thought that was really hot and asked her if she wanted to make out. She told me thanks, but she was a lesbian. Hot dang, the first pony I haven't turned bi. "Mad respect," I replied. "It would be an honor to be your wingman in your quest for sweet lady pony [redacted]" Taking no for an answer is one of my many talents. She respected that. So since friendship is magic, we still did some light cuddling, just nothing romantic. Cuddling with your friends platonically is mad cash money, yo. Then I helped her smash* Izzy and Sunny at the same time, cause lesbians are hella poggers. *whatever a G-rated definition of smash would be And made out with Pipp instead. > A Pony Looks at 30 (Post Birthday Chapter) > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- "So, welcome to the big three zero, "Starlight said. "Thank you," supertrampling replied. "How old are you again? 37?" "36, but close enough. Time has a weird way of eating up years of your life in a NeverEnding (lol voice to text thinks this is that one never ending story) wandering through the wilderness." "You know" , super trampoline said, "when I think of wandering through the wilderness as a trope I think of how it originated with the Jewish people's after the whole sacred calf idolatry thing. But perhaps it is universal and its nature. I mean you were out in a desert talking to trees and s***." F**** dude, I took a mescaline one f***** time. One f****** time. I was mostly just trying to be somehow simultaneously and edgy tanky and anarchist at the same time with the whole our town thing. What should be clear to all the people reading this, the issue was with trying to force conformity and every pony being a generalist as opposed to actual communist thinking which is from everyone according to their abilities to everyone according to their needs. I am a victim of my own hubris but also of Western tropes about communism fueled by decades of propaganda" "Anyway " , super trampoline said, " yeah, most of my 20s have felt like wandering through a desert. But one of my best friends who's like 33 had the same experience and now she's on top of the f******* world without going into details because she doesn't like it when I overshare her information, but it gives me hope. Especially with my whole studying systems bullsh******** I won't shut the f********* up about oh s********** this is a rated everyone's story let me go back and fix all that. "Where was i? Oh right the point is yeah I'm 30 now and I feel like my life is just beginning." Well, congratulations, Starlight said. Wanna celebrate with a makeout session? " "Well starley (Voice to text air but I'm keeping it in because it's funny) now that I'm 30, I must put childish endeavors behind me lol just kidding I would never be too mature to make out with a hot commie like you. However part of being mature responsible adult is not instantly giving in to hedonistic in the moment gratification but instead being able to do things now I don't want to do for greater rewards later. So on that note I need to finish up this chapter, and go fold some towels. I love you all be good to yourselves practice love kindness hope charity laughter Joy etc and drink plenty of water." > Zoom Calls and Mary Sues > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- One day, a sunny day (Not to be confused with a Sunny Starscout day), Super Trampoline had a Zoom call at noon. Oops wrong perspective. One day, a sunny day (Not to be confused with a Sunny Starscout day), I had a Zoom call at noon. Seeing how time management is one of my few not special talents, and that it is now 11:59am, it looks like I''ll have to cut this chapter short. But hey, this is just further proof I'm not a Mary Sue! > What about dis cord EMM Preggggganteyyyyyy > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why is there so much MPREG art of me, Discord wondered allowed but dispensing with quotation marks because hes quirky like that or my apostrophe and quotation mark key is broken though I did swap it out for another key so thats just an excuse So let's use some ''''""'""""""''""'''"""'"''"""""''"""' baby! Fluttershy, fresh off of gutting some fish to feed the carnivores since life is a fractal and includes time: just as the universe was and will be, we were all born, and we will all die, innevitably without exception, but hopefully your life doesn't end from aesphyxiating. not pleasant it's why I don't eat fish anyway, Fluttershy was like, awwwww I think it's cute. Discord gave her a deadpan stare and pointed at the image below the Awkwafina Teen Hunger Force video he quoted. You look at him and tell me there's a god: Flutter Shyguy tittered and lovingly gave him a kiss on the cheek. Awww, I love you DisChord Chart. Wanna both make out with Super Trampoline, to show that he does indeed swing both ways? Discord nuzzled her while doing some silly wacky visual pun hijinks. "Well, the Lonely Island Once Told me Strikethrough the world was gonna roll me slash strikethrough it's not gay if its a threeway, so sure! So they found me and we all made out! Because misery loves company and bad things come in threes. > Chapter 146 : Shoresy > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- One day, Super Trampoline was hanging out with his super awesome girlfriend Rainbow Dash. "Hey Dashie," he said between smooches, there's this new show out on Hulu I think you'd like. It's called 'Shoresy' and it's a a spinoff of Letterkenny about semi-pro Cananeighdian hockey. (Us ponies have hockey too, don'tchaknow?) It's got comradery and friendship and teammate bonding, intense sports actions, hot ethnically and culturally diverse guys, hot ethnically and culturally diverse girls, compelling plot, loveable underdogs, interesting fun and complex characters, an absolutely poggers sound track, and most importantly..." Rainbow Dash had that amazing look of joy and wonder in her eyes I would trot through glass just to see for one second. "Yes???! What's the final thing? I'm likin it already!" "Numerous brawls, bashes, bruisers, bang ups, bungles in the jungle, and all around good old fashion fisticuffs." "Hooveser Dam, Supes, let's cuddle and watch that shiz!" "That's a Texas-sized 10-4, my little pony. I'm surprised we're not cuddling and watching that shiz right now!" > Twilight Gets Wasted at the Grand Galloping Gala and acts scandalous > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Once Upon a time Twilight Sparkle got drunk. Since she's my girlfriend and I care about her, I needed to take care of her, but it was very annoying because she kept throwing up. Why did she get so drunk you ask? Will the thing about Twilight is that she had normally has very strong self-control and willpower and what not . But every so often, she kind of just like gets tired of always being almost perfect, and just says screw it and lets loose. So, at this year's Grand Galloping Gala, she challenged Tempest Shadow and Prince Mike Rutherford to a drinking contest. It's been quite entertaining and as we all know, the grand Galloping Gala is famous for being boring, but, the Press is going to have a field day when they publish tomorrow photographs of her trying to smooch Celestia in public while Celestia is greeting ambassadors from the Ursla Kingdom. She's gonna have a mad hangover in the morning that's for sure. And Trixie is here at the Gala as my plus one (Starlight invited Starburst but he's invited anyway but whatever), and you know she will never let Sparklevomit live this down, lol. > Pisscord > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- One day Discord manifested into this story, saying hello. Then he left. Well that was weird, observed Discord. Tell me about it, Discord concurred Okay, Discord replied, I will indeed relay the tail: "One day Discord manifested into this story, saying hello. Then he left. Well that was weird, observed Discord. Tell me about it, Discord concurred Okay, Discord replied, I will indeed relay the tail:" "'One day Discord manifested into this story, saying hello. Then he left. Well that was weird, observed Discord. Tell me about it, Discord concurred Okay, Discord replied, I will indeed relay the tail:'" "'"One day Discord manifested into this story, saying hello. Then he left. Well that was weird, observed Discord. Tell me about it, Discord concurred Okay, Discord replied, I will indeed relay the tail:"'" "'"'One day Discord manifested into this story, saying hello. Then he left. Well that was weird, observed Discord. Tell me about it, Discord concurred Okay, Discord replied, I will indeed relay the tail:'"'" "'"'"One day Discord manifested into this story, saying hello. Then he left. Well that was weird, observed Discord. Tell me about it, Discord concurred Okay, Discord replied, I will indeed relay the tail:"'"'" "'"'"'One day Discord manifested into this story, saying hello. Then he left. Well that was weird, observed Discord. Tell me about it, Discord concurred Okay, Discord replied, I will indeed relay the tail:'"'"'" "'"'"'"One day Discord manifested into this story, saying hello. Then he left. Well that was weird, observed Discord. Tell me about it, Discord concurred Okay, Discord replied, I will indeed relay the tail:"''"'"'" > Florgishmontumeridaph returns and I take my mental health somewhat seriously > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- One day, after about a month of procrastinating on it, Super Trampoline finally got around to filling his pill planner he bought that originally was a 7 day morning afternoon dinner night 4 segment per day pill planner but he was using it as a 4 week 28 day once per day planner but hadn't been taking most his pills for oops this should be in first person my bad friends. anyway I finally filled it up so I should get back to taking all my medication regularly except for my adhd pills which I already took all of a week ago lol. Anyway this isn't very pony but it is very slice of life and the story descri[tion of this story does say it's mostly slice of life. So uh to make it more pony, I scheduled a delightful tongue massage with the Hydra named I don't remember his name I'm bad with names um hold on let me look that up oh right Florgishmontumeridaph anyway I have a nice massage scheduled with Florgishmontumeridaph on Sunday at 4pm before I fly back to the human world for my 6pm food delivery job. As you know, doing stuff in both the human world and the pony world is one of my many talents, as is receiving excellent tongue massages from Florgishmontumeridaph, and finally sorting my pills so it takes less spoons to take them each day since they're already all in one place, thus ensuring better mental health, thus ensuring more awful boring chapters of this awful boring story. > Flanderizer? I hardly know 'er! > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- One day super trampoline was eating sour patch kids when rarity burst into his mom's garage where he lived to be clear this is Equestria just like I don't know maybe suburban equestrianites have garages for their carriages or something I am a delivery carriage flier after all since I'm a bat Pony I do overnight deliveries I enjoy it feels good to fly when there's no air traffic although my carriage registration expired like a month ago I need to fix that but again I'm broke I mean I guess I could just ask my girlfriend Twilight for a loan and I just realized I started this in third person when it's supposed to be in second person wait no first person or first Pony whatever you subscribe to anyway the point is I live in my mom's garage and rarity burst in and was like, "Darling! Darling darling darling, darling darling darling darling 'darling', darling darling darling darling darling darling! Darling darling darling." "Rarity," I responded ", there's already a story that does this much better. Rather than some sort of magical mishap reducing you to this, why don't we just cuddle instead?" Just then, Applejack wandered in. "Sugarcube?" > Chapter 52: Skittles, with apologies to Bookplayer > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- One day, I ate twenty nine purple skittles. Now, these were American skittles, not the European ones, which are blackcurrent flavored. These were good American skittles that are grape flavored. Wait, I'm a pony. So these must be Equestrian Skittles. Anyway, that was about all that happened that day, at least relating to me. Applejack and Rainbow Dash had a fight. While I'm dating them both, they're primary partners for each other. And they fought about whether they wanted kids. Fortunately the problem was solved by Rainbow Dash bonking her head really hard and going into a fugue state for a few decades. > Chapter 152 Chapter 152You're invited! Shooting Stargazing gang gang! When: tonight, 9pm-ish to 1am-ish, depending on when people are free and have to head home. Lots of carpooling options. Where: Desert northeast of LA, Somewhere near intersecti > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- One day, I realized Trixie was being a bad rated E Pony and using hard drugs. So I talked to Starlight and Twilight and Maud about the possibility of staging an intervention. Just say no to drugs, kid. They'll make you realize that quantum randomness is what allows free will, and that's no good! Unfortunately, it turns out that all of them bought their stuff from the same dealer. A vibrant pink hyperactive floofy-haired dealer. No, this isn't a mis direction actually describing somepony else. This was very much Pinkie Pie. How do you think she can afford constantly throwing parties on a part time minimum wage bakery job? Well actually the answer is that Equestria has universal basic income so Pinkie lives modestly off of that and spends all her bakery money on the multitudinous partying proclivities preferred by the Ponk. So I told Trixie that as her boyfriend who cared very much about her, I wanted her to at least carry Narcan. Fentanyl is being found in primary schools now, so clearly its rated everyone and thus an appropriate topic for this story. > Well yeah well you're funny looking too I'm a kitty friend or you're even bigger cutie pie you're the cutie pie is yep no I'm not I refuse to be quiet I shall tell the world how cute you are holding okay I need Jesus Take Me to Ch > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- You know Twilight said, "a certain phrase about blunt force trauma to a deceased equines corpse comes to mind. Why are you still writing this?" "I write because I can," I replied, chilling like a villain in holding on set at a famous nondisclosed Applewood studio as a background artist for a Hearthswarming movie that involves Prince Blueblood jumping and Philomena sitting in the fruit bearing tree raised by among others, William Shatner, and a famous comedian, who, depending on your interpretation of Equestria as a metaphor for the real world, may be a zebra.. "And," I continued, eating way too much free food from catering and crafty, "because I can, I must. Doesn't that make this story better at being a bad story, to continue long after I should have stopped? It's barely about pony stuff anymore. Are you not—to quote the award winning 2069 movie 'Gladiator' featuring Diane Keaton and Sylvester Stallone and a very young Neil Patrick Harrison Ford Coopalalala—entertained?" Twilight made a deadpan face for the 576th time so far this story. "No I'm not. That would require this to be actually funny!" Just then, Rarity suddenly appeared in the middle of the nondescript empty void this conversation was taking place in, looked like she was about to say something, then as the slighted chirp of sound escaped her muzzle, with a loud *pop* she again disappeared. Then Twilight exploded. > Interlude: Meanwhile in the human world: Did you know that I have a girlfriend in real life who is a Pega sister > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Where is my so as you know my name is oh that is funny I was using voice to text and she was looking for her weed oh sorry not her weed her leggings sorry never mind so anyway I as you know am both a pony and a human and I go back and forth between the pony and the human world which sometimes causes problems because people don't believe me when I say that I'm actually a pony like at babscon 2014 when people thought I had mental health issues I mean I do have mental health issues but I don't well I mean you know I don't want to mess with the continuity of this story so we will say I am actually a pony within this although obviously this is fan fiction but I mean we're already in so many layers of meta lips metal lips no metallipsis there we go narrative metal Ellipsis is a concept of there being multiple layers of reality within a story and I really like messing with that so anyway my girlfriend got her leggings on she's really cute her Pony name is Mezzo Melody she kind of left the fandom because some brownies were mean to her but we're going to go back to okay she said they were too nice but this is a rated everyone's story so I can't go into detail but let's just say some humans who like ponies need to keep their hands to themselves especially autistic bronies can I say that yeah I can say that my girlfriend thinks I have autism anyway so yeah she and I have been dating for like 9 months and we're going to ever free Northwest together and that's the human form in the pony form we are also dating now it's great I'm a bat Pony I'm the second bat Pony she is dated the first one she dated when she was 18 and he was 30 and that was a little sus His name was Shadow Nightbolt. She sincerely wishes she was making that up. Anyway he moved to Pony Oregon I think. > Applejack and the Absurdity of Equestrian Foreign Policy > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hey, Applejack, I asked one day, not including quotation marks because bad boys break the rules (of grammar), and I'm certainly a very bad boy, you remember that time waaaaayyyyy back in the very first chapter which has to have been written like 8 years ago at this point when you had waaaaayyyyyy (that wasn't copy pasted I just retyped waaaaayyyyyy) too many apples, so you (thanks to my ingenuity of course lol) shipped a bunch of them off to Saddle Arabia cause they were having a famine or something? Applejack paused from the thing she does in every single story that features her having a random conversation with somecreature else and the author adds even the barest bit of description to set the scene for and punctuate what would otherwise be exclusively talking heads dialogue, bucking apples, and trotted over to give me a kiss. I was also bucking apples, and having studied and trained under my girlfriend (Applejack)'s tutelage, was almost just as good at it as Applejack despite being an out-of-shape batpony, to the extent that one might even consider it to be one of my many special talents, and AJ wiped her brow of sweat sensually, said "Woo!", and trotted over to me to give me a smooch on the cheek before finally answering, "E'yup!" I glowed, basking in the phosphorescent light of my incredible marefriend, with my own glow being an example of bioluminescence. I love Applejack so much. Also, she was using actual quotation marks whenever she spoke because unlike me, she's a very good girl. She doesn't speak in this paragraph though. I do, however: "Coolbeans. So, like, you know how Yemane is also struggling from a severe famine and misery and suffering and sickness and injury and sadness and despair and anger and helplessness and hopelessness and whathaveyou? What if you sent some of the apples you're harvesting now there this time? I'm sure they could use the delicious fruit and you have a bunch of apples I doubt you're using right this second. Applejack laughed. "Oh Super, you're so smart and clever and caring and kind etc. and I think that's fantastic, and that these are only a few of the many hundreds of positive qualities you have. However, it pains me to tell you that while Saddle Arabia is directly responsible for this aforementioned suffering, they're our political allies and so we must support them in all forms and endeavors, and this includes turning a blind eye towards and even celebrating their war crimes. Helping Yemaneies not starve to death would be a smack in the face of our very important Saddle Arabian allies! I'm afraid your suggestion is out of the question. " Having said her piece, she trotted back over to the tree she was bucking and resumed her hard, sweaty physical labor. > Chapter oroboros > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- What are we even doing here? Asked one of the pony characters it doesn't even matter which one. Like the story isn't funny or clever anymore I mean occasionally it is honestly the last chapter with the foreign policy subversion was kind of clever. But like in general half of these chapters it feels like, the unnamed pony protagonist who could have been starlight glimmer or Twilight sparkle or pinkie pie or Spike or Fluttershy or Applejack or rarity or rainbow dash or any one of numerous other ponies, it really wouldn't matter because what is characterization but a miserable little pile of secrets in a shape of a horse, anyway half the chapters it feels like our just meadow references to the awful nature of the story and how it isn't creative or clever anymore, just like this chapter and just like my current speech. It's all superfluous hubbub hubris or any one of thousands of clever vocab words the author can only ever remember a few dozen of at once all stacked on top of it itself threatening to collapse under the weight of its own lack of lack of lack of humor and passion and actual Ernest creative work and dedication. *toot!* Super Trampoline farted. > Chapter 157: Applejack and the absurdity of going back jack and doing it again aka stop me if you've heard this one AKA there are differences I promise > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Applejack and the Absurdity of Equestrian Foreign Policy Hey, Applejack, I asked one day, not including quotation marks because bad boys break the rules (of grammar), and I'm certainly a very bad boy, you remember that time waaaaayyyyy back in the very first chapter which has to have been written like 8 years ago at this point when you had waaaaayyyyyy (that wasn't copy pasted I just retyped waaaaayyyyyy) too many apples, so you (thanks to my ingenuity of course lol) shipped a bunch of them off to Saddle Arabia cause they were having a famine or something? Applejack paused from the thing she does in every single story that features her having a random conversation with somecreature else and the author adds even the barest bit of description to set the scene for and punctuate what would otherwise be exclusively talking heads dialogue, bucking apples, and trotted over to give me a kiss. I was also bucking apples, and having studied and trained under my girlfriend (Applejack)'s tutelage, was almost just as good at it as Applejack despite being an out-of-shape batpony, to the extent that one might even consider it to be one of my many special talents, and AJ wiped her brow of sweat sensually, said "Woo!", and trotted over to me to give me a smooch on the cheek before finally answering, "E'yup!" I glowed, basking in the phosphorescent light of my incredible marefriend, with my own glow being an example of bioluminescence. I love Applejack so much. Also, she was using actual quotation marks whenever she spoke because unlike me, she's a very good girl. She doesn't speak in this paragraph though. I do, however: "Coolbeans. So, like, you know how the Dressage-a Strip of PalesTinyHorse Palequine is also struggling with starvation and misery and suffering and sickness and injury and sadness and despair and anger and helplessness and hopelessness and whathaveyou? What if you sent some of the apples you're harvesting now there this time? I'm sure they could use the delicious fruit and you have a bunch of apples I doubt you're using right this second. Applejack laughed. "Oh Super, you're so smart and clever and caring and kind etc. and I think that's fantastic, and that these are only a few of the many hundreds of positive qualities you have. However, it pains me to tell you that while Isn'treal is directly responsible for this aforementioned suffering, they're our political allies and so we must support them in all forms and endeavors, and this includes turning a blind eye towards and even celebrating their war crimes. Helping innocent donkeys not starve to death (or be bombed to death, for that matter.) would be a smack in the face of our very important Isn'treal allies! I'm afraid your suggestion is out of the question. " Having said her piece, she trotted back over to the tree she was bucking and resumed her hard, sweaty physical labor. "Wow," uttered Super Trampoline to himself. "This feels like Deja Vu all over again!" Somewhere in the far distance, a Bear was like, "Yo, gee! stop stealing my possibly misatributed quotes. Oh, and free Palestine!" > Chapter 158: Harbor Neight Tools > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- did you know that one of my mini special talents is carpentry? I'm currently building a large bed frame that will have a buck ton of storage underneath so I can fit all of my clothes under it so my mom doesn't kick me out of her horse carriage garage where I'm currently living with my amazing disabled Pegasus girlfriend mezzo Melody. you probably seen blog posts of me birching about it. you maybe wondering why a pony would have so many clothes especially one who isn't a fashionista like me. well, the answer is that I'm also an actor. And I struggle with organization etc etc The point is, shout out to Harbor Neight Tools for the tartarusa-cheap clamps I bought, tools I've never worked with before which is exciting because I'm using this project to learn stuff as well anyway as you can see in the pictures I've provided, I'm making good use of those clamps to help make this project easier also all of this is free wood I got using the freebie alerts app and I finally at long last have a driver as well as a drill so I'm not constantly switching out driver and drill driver and drill driver and drill like the Storm King switching from day to night manically using the staff of whatever some proper noun imbued with the stolen alicorn magic. maybe it was pony convention staff or something that would be funny for a future dumb pun story idea anyway towards the end of My Little pony the movie from 2017, and this driver has two magically powered rechargeable batteries and is a quality brand and I only got it for 21 bits thanks to the magic of shopgoodwill.com which I discovered last month and is in absolutely amazing website because there's tons of great stuff but barely anyone actually bidding on it anyway so yeah I'm working on building this and it's exciting but yeah you maybe wondering how I use drills and drivers and other power tools without fingers well, something something saw horse pun something something drill bit pun, something something ScrewLoose pun. didn't Warren hutch write a story about screw loose? rest in peace. someday I'll read your long story about aviation that's a sequel to a story about Fluttershy giving birth to Big Max child . I know one of my favorite pony artists whose name I can't remember right now has some really good art of screw loose and her doctor helping her escape the psych ward and feeling conflicted about it a Russian artist I'm not in derpy real much anymore I'm not in the fandom as much now as I once was but that's another animal for another day I still love all of you so much just please never make me listen to Daddy discord I hate that song it's an archetypical early brony fandom cringe song and I mean at the risk of rambling a little bit more, the least they could have done with speed it up a little bit but I'm not going to give further critique because that would require listening to it again and right now I want to go drink lemonade and use the restroom and hit publish on this wonderful further misadventure chapter of mine in the greatest story of all time, this one you're reading right now. > Chapter Florida Hilbert Hotel > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- As you know, I am dating all the ponies. every single one. Of adult age, of course. I'm not MandoponyWhoever Brony got outed a few weeks ago Josh Giddey (Thank Godlestia basketball is back now! Go Lakers!). Some ponies less, some ponies more, but millions of billions of trillions of ponies real and multiple layers and levels and leagues of imaginary are all within my fold, my herd, my harem, my team, but in a soulless corporate usage of the word, not something cool like sports, my polycule, etc. That's right, every single character on this list of lists who is at least 18 in Equestria or 16 in Caneighda I have nuzzled in an intimate fashion at least once. Trust me, it's not as fun as it looks. I'm more straight than gay, and so many stallions are painfully mid. Oh, I said gay, I hope this story doesn't get banned from school libraries in Ocean Redneck Ponyland aka Florida pun. I should print off copies and send them to "Mom's for Liberty" if they really want to see some actually offensive content. Offensively poorly written, maybe. Ayo. Anyway, this was originally going to get to the point of two of the many wonderful ponies and other sapient creatures I'm dating being Starlight Glimmer and Trixie Lulamoon, but I've written enough preamble burying the lede to end this silly chapter as is, and go to work on the original StarTrix content in the morning after some sleep with the sole marefriend who actually lives with me both in the pony and human worlds, Mezzo Melody. She's hella cute and dummy thicc. Can I use the phrase Dummy Thicc in a rated E story? I hope so. Not like kids haven't heard far worse on Roblox and Minecraft and Rocketleague and Starcraft 2. > ChatGPTer 42069: Computer attempts to steal my job > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- One day, I asked a writing bot hosted by OpenAI but not actually ChatGPT 4 itself to analyze my style and write some sample chapters. As you know, getting others to solve my own problems or bail me out is one of my many special talents. Well, here're the results. Not bad! Chapter 47.5: The Day I Became a Living Cupcake So there I was, minding my own business, which usually involves some manner of inexplicable chaos because that’s just how I roll, when Twilight Sparkle excitedly trotted up to me with sparks literally flying out of her horn. "Hey Super," she beamed, "I just perfected a new spell! It shrinks things!" Now, anypony else might have asked, "Why do we need things to be smaller?" but not me! I saw an opportunity for adventure. "Shrink me, Twilight! Make me as tiny as a crumb on Pinkie Pie’s baking floor!" With a grin that could only spell trouble, she zapped me. And poof! I was no bigger than a cupcake. It was all fun and games until I ended up on the wrong end of a hungry stare from Angel Bunny, who apparently had developed a sudden appetite for cupcakes that look suspiciously like batponies. "Dashing through the tiny grass blades—yes, grass blades look like trees when you’re an inch tall—I dodged raindrops and dust specks, yelling for help that sounded like squeaky toy noises. Twilight, through peals of laughter, finally decided she’d had her fun and poofed me back to normal size right before Angel could take a nibble. “We should definitely write a paper on this,” she declared while I checked for missing limbs. Chapter 47.75: My Infinite Sandwich Catastrophe Hungry. So hungry I could eat a sandwich the size of a dragon, I thought one morning. But why stop there? Why not a sandwich that never ends? An infinite sandwich! Thus began the quest for the Infinite Sandwich. I journeyed to the ends of Equestria and back, gathering enchanted ingredients: regenerating lettuce from the Everfree Forest, self-spreading peanut butter from Discord’s personal stash, and a slice of infinity cheese gifted by Luna, who still hadn’t forgiven me for that moon cheese incident. Back in Ponyville, I assembled my sandwich with magical precision. I took a bite, and oh! It was glorious! But then it kept growing... and growing. Houses were buried under layers of lettuce and tomato. Streets were slick with mayonnaise. "Perhaps," I pondered aloud as I floated on a pickle slice down what used to be Main Street, "infinite sandwiches are better as a concept than a reality." But how to stop it? In a spark of what I promise was brilliance, I summoned Discord. "Turn it into a salad!" I suggested. He snapped his fingers, and the sandwich morphed into the first ever infinitely regenerating salad bowl. Crisis averted? Sort of. We had to open a new salad bar to contain it. Chapter 48: The Gummy Bear Who Fell to Equestria Imagine my surprise when a colossal gummy bear—yes, a gummy bear the size of Canterlot Castle—crash-landed next to the library, declaring it sought asylum from the Candy Constellation. It spoke! A talking gummy bear! Who would’ve thought? (Okay, me. I would’ve thought.) "I shall protect thee!" I declared dramatically, as one does. The gummy bear, who introduced himself as Gummington III, squeezed into my magical, infinitely spacious hat. Perfect hiding spot, right? Except, of course, for the licorice spaceships that appeared overhead, demanding his return. "We come in peace," I said, flying up to negotiate, armed with nothing but my charm and a licorice whip (because why not?). The talks were going well until, well, I accidentally ate their ambassador. "He looked like regular licorice!" I protested as the fleet prepared their candy cannons. In a desperate bid to save Ponyville from a sugary doom, I offered a trade: infinite salad for peace. Surprisingly, they agreed. Gummington decided to stay, offering pony rides on weekends and becoming a local celebrity. As for me? I stayed clear of diplomatic missions for a while. Eating an ambassador tends to sour relations, you know.