⇩ Please Downvote! ⇩

by Super Trampoline

Chapter 4: Oh How the Mighty Have Fallen: A Hydra Fights Corruption Charges as a Batpony Fights Mary Sue Charges

As everypony knows, hydras are dangerous creatures. Except they aren't. Well, some of the time they are, but most of the time they just want to play tag, but their quite vocal way of going about it scares off a lot of ponies. One of the over-arching plot lines of this most excellent story you are now reading will be the integration of hydras into Equestrian society, and the stripping of prejudices from the minds of Equestrian populace.

Today a hydra was sitting in court, accused of stealing money. He also washed the money, so he received the additional charge of money laundering. That's a joke. You're supposed to laugh at it. See, he had 400 bits on his person, and since Equestrian law is speciecist, hydras aren't supposed to even have our coinage. How messed up is that. So it was assumed that he had stolen the bits. It looked like he was going to be sentenced to having another 50 kilometers added to his exile radius, when I heroically flew threw a window, shattering it and getting glass everywhere and getting some cuts, one of which eventually got infected, which is my own darn fault, but that's another story for another day.

Anyway, I landed all dramatically on the courtroom floor, dripping with glass shards and blood, and yelled, "I gave this hydra the money!" He was very grateful. Oh, his name is Florgishmontumeridaph, by the way. Giving him a name helps personify him. Anyway, I stood there and told the courtroom that I had given him 400 bits to bruise me. I was going to have him break a leg or something, but I'm a wimp and didn't really want to do that. I pulled a razor from my bag of holding, and shaved off a small patch of fur on the side of my barrel near my wing, revealing a purplish bruise. The crowd gasped. "Why would you do this?!" yelled one mare. "What a twist!" yelled .

"Simple," I said. "I wanted to make it look like I lost a fight with a hydra. Would a Mary Sue or Gary Stew ever lose a fight with a hydra? Hmmmm? The evidence is ample, I am neither of those, but a simple everyday pony who happens to be dating a lot of beautiful and intelligent mares. Release this hydra, for he has done nothing wrong. It is I who should be punished."

The courtroom erupted in pandemonium and stuff. The hydra stomped off through the hole in the wall it had created upon entering the room. I was sentenced to 10 hours of community service and a 200 bit fine for breaking the window. All in all, it was a good day.

Author's Note:

A particularly enthusiastic game of tag

Comments

[RaritySimper44]

I love this story!

[Bender Alpha]

I'm... not entirely certain what to think about this rather peculiar creation. It is quite obvious this is meant to be a trollfic, and it is slightly funny. All in all, I'll keep reading, just to see if the humor takes off.

Downvoted because the title asked me to.

[CassandraMyOCisBestpony]

Cassandra is 7th Element and best pony, this monstrosity is not.

[Super Trampoline]

6034098 common plebs probably wouldn't recognize the term horn without the word French attached.

[Super Trampoline]

6032842 I'm glad you do!

[BlabideeblahMLP]

6032784 Bitch plz

Fluffle Puff didn't even Illuminati

[Cynewulf]

at least it isn't another soldier in equestria THIS TIME ITS PERSONAL story

[punzil504]

6034141
6034301

Cassandra is 7th Element and best pony, this monstrosity is not.

Dude... sounds like Cassandra just challenged Super Trampoline to a duel... à l'outrance.

Unripe pears at 30 paces? Super Trampoline, Applejack can be your second.

I'm not sure who Cassandra would pick as hers... she'd probably have to use the Mirror Pool to get one because everypony else is just so incompetent.

[nightwalker]

one of which eventually got infected, which is my own darn fault, but that's another story for another day.

Given the rest of this story this really should be a chapter

[BlabideeblahMLP]

6038819 But wat if pone was not kill

[Super Trampoline]

6039323 WOAH MAN

[FeverishPegasus]

This story has enlightened me.

[Stellar_]

Today a hydra was sitting in court, accused of stealing money. He also washed the money, so he received the additional charge of money laundering.

is it bad I laughed at this

[Super Trampoline]

9532739
I’m glad someone did.

[Marcthelightspark2004]

As everypony knows, hydras are dangerous creatures. Except they aren't. Well, some of the time they are, but most of the time they just want to play tag, but their quite vocal way of going about it scares off a lot of ponies. One of the over-arching plot lines of this most excellent story you are now reading will be the integration of hydras into Equestrian society, and the stripping of prejudices from the minds of Equestrian populace.

Hmmm...............wonder how they view fire. And YAY! STRIPPING OF PRECONCEPTIONS!

[Marcthelightspark2004]

Today a hydra was sitting in court, accused of stealing money. He also washed the money, so he received the additional charge of money laundering. That's a joke. You're supposed to laugh at it. See, he had 400 bits on his person, and since Equestrian law is speciecist, hydras aren't supposed to even have our coinage. How messed up is that. So it was assumed that he had stolen the bits. It looked like he was going to be sentenced to having another 50 kilometers added to his exile radius, when I heroically flew threw a window, shattering it and getting glass everywhere and getting some cuts, one of which eventually got infected, which is my own darn fault, but that's another story for another day.

You do realize you gotta pay a fine for property damage now, right? And don't try seeing the court system for getting infected. II dunno if you would try that, but I know some people who would.

[Marcthelightspark2004]

"Simple," I said. "I wanted to make it look like I lost a fight with a hydra. Would a Mary Sue or Gary Stew ever lose a fight with a hydra? Hmmmm? The evidence is ample, I am neither of those, but a simple everyday pony who happens to be dating a lot of beautiful and intelligent mares. Release this hydra, for he has done nothing wrong. It is I who should be punished."

But...........you didn't lose to a Hydra. You paid him to make him look like you did, which could've gotten him into more trouble. THERE ARE EASIER WAYS TO PROVE YOU ARE NOT A MARY SUE/GARY STUE!

[Marcthelightspark2004]

The courtroom erupted in pandemonium and stuff. The hydra stomped off through the hole in the wall it had created upon entering the room. I was sentenced to 10 hours of community service and a 200 bit fine for breaking the window. All in all, it was a good day.

Ah, so you DID end up paying the fine. That's good.

[Super Trampoline]

10162455
Of course. I'm an upright pony.

[Super Trampoline]

10162454
But doesn't the fact that I chose a dumb convoluted method help prove I'm not a Mary Sue?

[Clock Quill]

HILARIOUS

[Super Trampoline]

11306067
no u