• Published 13th May 2012
  • 49,213 Views, 8,112 Comments

Austraeoh - Imploding Colon

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Thunderhorn was not having a good day. He stood atop the roof to a wooden supply shed as raging rapids of muddied water flooded the quarry all around him. Just thirty feet away, a gigantic geyser of channeled liquid was being thrown violently into the air from where the metal pump had once resided. He snarled and shouted to several workers hurriedly wading past him.

“Somebody get down there and twist the lateral valves! We have to cut off the incoming supply of water from the lake up north!”

“Sir!” Another minotaur shouted. He clung to the body of the shed below, trying his best not to be swept away by the currents. “Half of us are still trying to sandbag off the tunnel—”

“Never mind that! The tunnel runs too deep to be completely flooded, and it's too late to save the equipment at the mouth of the corridor! We must put all effort into stopping the water flow!”

“Who caused all of this?! I just don't understand—”

“I don't pay you to understand! I pay you to do what I say!”

“Then you must be rich enough to pay for new teeth!” A voice said above.

Thunderhorn turned and looked skyward. “Huh?”

“Hi there!” Rainbow Dash soared down with two swinging hooves.

“Ooof!” Thunderhorn took the diving buck across the face. He spun twice, flailed, and fell into the waters.

The minotaur below gasped. “A flying pony! How dare you strike the overseer?!”

“Yeah. You're useless. Stop talking.” Rainbow Dash kicked a plank of wood loose from the shed so that it smacked the minotaur's skull. He fell back and was carried away by the currents of flood water. Without delay, Rainbow Dash flew down and perched herself atop Thunderhorn's squirming body. “Strips. Strips. Strips. Dang it—why's your belt gotta have so many pockets? Urp!” Her eyes crossed.

Thunderhorn's hand had reached backwards to grip her by the throat. Blindly, he flung her against the wooden shack.

“Augh!” She landed against it and fell leg-deep in the waters.

Thunderhorn stood up, gnashing his teeth and wiping blood from his chin. “Such insolence!”

“Seriously...” Rainbow wheezed. “What's with you minotaurs and that stupid word?”

“It was you who caused all this, wasn't it?!” He stood up straight, his strong body like a breaker against the churning waters billowing past his knees. “Did you really think you could fly here and destroy the work of fifty sturdy minotaurs all on your lonesome?”

“Yeah, why not?”

“I'll be wearing your teeth as a necklace tonight!”

“That's the worst pickup line I've ever heard.”

“Raaaugh!” Thunderhorn charged straight towards her.

“Oh please. We can do this all day.” Rainbow Dash shot up before he could grab her. “Hah!” She stared down at him from a tall hover. “You couldn't hit the broad side of a—”

He struck the shed, and utterly demolished it. The wooden structure exploded in a sea of splinters as he stood there, snarling up at her.

Rainbow Dash blinked. “Yeah. I'm not getting anywhere near THAT.” She glanced all around the flooded quarry. “Uhhhh... Be right back.” She zoomed off.

“Coward!” Thunderhorn shook his fist. “Typical pony! Leave it to a flying manure bag to not have a single ounce of courage in her body—”

Rainbow Dash flew up behind him, swinging a metal beam across the back of his skull. “I'm back!” He fell flatly into the water with a splash. She hovered down and planted the beam over his chin, holding it firmly in place with two hooves as she reached for the belt with her forward half. “Now to get what I came for...” She gripped the belt in her teeth, pulled hard, and snapped it off him. “Mmmmf... There. That wasn't so hard—”

Thunderhorn snapped the beam in two with his teeth, then gripped her tail-hairs in his jaws.

“Oh, ow. Yeah, that hurts. Ow. Ow!” Rainbow Dash squealed. As she was tugged back, she lost grip of the belt. She watched it plop uselessly into the floodwaters before she was pulled into a vicious body-hug.

“Hah! Stupid cretin!” Thunderhorn gripped her skull from behind as water splashed all around them, dousing Rainbow Dash's coat and mane and saddlebag. The minotaur applied the pressure, straining at her neck muscles. “Is this the first time you've faced death?”

“That depends!” She hissed and squirmed in his grasp. “Is this the first time you had a decent bath?!”

“I'm going to mount your head for all the slaves to see.”

“Well, that's one way to inspire somepony!” She wriggled her two lower legs free “Hey Butthorn! What's big and limp and bruised all over?”

“If you think that you can delay the inevitable by—”

She slammed both of her hooves into his crotch.

He wheezed, winced, but still kept her hold on her. “Hah! I'm made of stronger stuff than that, you stupid horse—”

She bucked him in the crotch again. And again. And again and again and again. Thunderous claps filled the air, sending rivulets of chaos surging through the currents around them. Thunderhorn's eyes gradually rolled back in his skull with each traumatic blow, until he squeaked something unintelligibly high-pitched and finally let go of Rainbow Dash.

She flew out of his body with a grasp and dog-paddled through the currents. “Whew...! And that's why no self-respecting idiot picks a fight with a quadruped!” She smirked over her shoulder. “Good luck making little minotaurs the day you go back home to the 'Bluffs of Thunder' or whatever the heck you stupid walking cows hail from!”

Thunderhorn merely curled into a ball as the waters raged around him.

In the meantime, Rainbow Dash flapped her wings and skimmed over the waves. “Come on. Come on. Come on...” She scanned the currents with her ruby eyes, and gasped upon spotting the belt. “Ah-HA!” She flew in and snatched I up with her teeth. The moment she did so, her eyes flickered from white to yellow and back. “Unnngh...” She reeled momentarily, almost falling deep into the water as the dizziness came and went. “Mmmf... Whew...” She felt the weight of the chaos metal inside the thing. Rather than risk opening it and becoming more dizzy, she spun around and made for the mouth of the mining tunnel. As she did so, an explosion went off behind her. She glanced back and gawked at the sight of the geyser of water doubling in intensity. Minotaurs were rushing all around it, desperate to stop the source of the flood.

With no time to waste, Rainbow Dash held the belt tight in her jaws and flew swiftly towards the tunnel where the prisoners were fleeing even deeper.

Behind her, Thunderhorn finally stood up. Two minotaurs rushed up to his side.

“Overseer! Are you alright?”

“What did that wretched pony do to you?”

“Never mind th—” Thunderhorn tried to say. Legs-crossed, he cleared his throat and regained the deepness in his voice. “Never mind that.” He glared towards the mineshaft at the south end of the quarry. “We must give pursuit.”

“But sir! The quarry! It's ruined enough as it is! Shouldn't we stop the flood—”

“She has my belt! Everything will be for nothing if she gets away with it!” Thunderhorn shouted. He glanced all around, and pointed towards a pile of equipment. “There! Follow me, brothers. This isn't over.” With his companions in tow, he waded across the quarry.

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