• Published 13th May 2012
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Austraeoh - Imploding Colon

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Smack

“You!” A brown minotaur with twitchy gray eyes pointed his spear at the pegasus from across the claustrophobic, wooden shack. “You're trying to sabotage the water pumps!”

“Uhhh...” Rainbow Dash's eyes blinked back at him from beneath the “hood” of her cloak. “No I'm not.”

“Yes you are!”

“I'm pretty sure I'm not.”

“Then why are your hooves on the secondary backup valve?!”

“Um...” Rainbow Dash blinked at the round metal object she was gripping. “Is that what this is?”

“Of course!”

“Well, then, where's the main pressure valve?”

“Over to the right.”

“Ah! Well, thank you—”

“Nnngh—No!” The air sang with razor sharp metal as the guard thrust the spear right under Rainbow's muzzle. “Hooves down on the floor!” He snarled and glared down at her from his intimidating height. “I'm not letting you sabotage the mining operation's water supply on my watch!”

“Who said I was going to sabotage the mining operation's water supply?”

“Why else would you be here?”

“Any reason but that!”

“Why should I believe you?”

“Uhm... Duh? I'm a pony? 'Peace, love, tolerance', all that fruity jazz?”

“You're an insolent trespasser, and I'm reporting you to Overseer Thunderhorn!”

“You don't even know what that word means.”

“What, 'Thunderhorn?'”

“No. 'Insolent.'”

“'An adjective that describes someone of rude and brazen qualities.'”

“...Huh. And here I thought it was something diabetic ponies took.”

“Don't move a muscle—”

“Cuz where I come from, ponies drink sarsaparilla all the time, and if it's not kidney stones—oh brother—it's something else—”

“Will you shut up already?!”

“Hey, I have a right to speak my mind! Even if it's empty!”

“You're under arrest! Don't pretend to know anything about rights!”

“Is that the way things work around here?”

“I'm quite familiar with Thunderhorn's methods of security.”

“Really?” Rainbow Dash pointed behind the minotaur's shoulder. “Maybe you should ask him for a refresher course.”

“I'm not falling for that.”

“For what?”

“An attempt to make me turn around.”

“What's to attempt? Farthorn's standing right behind you!”

“'Thunderhorn!' And if he was in this room, don't you think he'd be saying something loud and angrily by now?”

“I doubt it, what with the scorpion that stung him in the lips.”

“I don't know what you're talking about.”

“He's totally swelling like a sea anemone right now!”

“Is he really?” The minotaur glanced over his shoulder—

Rainbow Dash shot across the room, twirled her body, and bucked both legs across his chest.

With a cry, the minotaur collapsed against the wooden shack's doorframe.

“Hah!” Rainbow Dash hovered above him with a smirk. “Leave it to minotaur not to smell bullcrap when it's shoveled to him—Aw heck!” She ducked at the last millisecond. The tossed spare sliced through her mane, cutting loose a few prismatic threads. “Fuuuuu—”

“I'm gonna rip you a new hay hole!” The minotaur snarled, getting back on his hooves.

“Heeheehee!” Rainbow Dash clutched her tummy in mid-air. “'Hay hole!' I like that! Mind if I borrow that?” She lost all breath from her lungs as she was forced into a constricting armbar. “Snnnkt—How about a cup of sugar instead?”

“I'm delivering you to Thunderhorn in pieces!”

“Hccckt—Yeah...” Rainbow Dash hissed through gnashing teeth. “About that...” From where she dangled, Rainbow twirled her tail-hairs like a whip and slapped it straight up into the minotaur's crotch.

“Gaaaah!” The creature stumbled.

“Nnnnngh!” Rainbow Dash flung her wings straight out from underneath her cloak. She offset her balance, forcing the already-teetering minotaur to fall into an unwitting somersault.

“Ooof!” He rolled onto the ground, dizzy.

“Boo-yaa!” Rainbow Dash jumped up to her hooves and leered at him. “That'll teach you to write checks that your horns can't cash—”

He reached up and backhanded her viciously.

“Daaah!” She flew back and slammed hard into a wooden wall.

He got up, frowning with flaring nostrils.

Rainbow winced, shook the stars out of her eyes, and reached up for her cloak.

Shouting, he charged her at full force.

Rainbow Dash flung the cloak off her, flew to the side, and flung the blanket full-on into the minotaur's face. Blinded, he stumbled awkwardly into the wall behind her. “Toro! Haha!” She grinned. “Get it? Because you're a—”

He tore the blanket off and glared at her.

“Aw crap,” she said, sweating.

He reached down into a pile of loose, rusted valves. Grunting, he flung them like murderous discs.

She held her breath and flew every-which way, dodging each successive throw with agile grace. After the last valve was tossed, she did a barrel-roll, snatched the handle of the object in her tail-hairs, spun her body around, and flung the thing back.

Glaring icily, the minotaur caught it in his naked teeth, bit his jaw down, and snapped the valve in half. He snorted and cracked his knuckles.

Rainbow Dash hovered, blinking at him. “Yeah, I'm out.” She turned to fly away—only to feel him pulling her back by her tail hairs.

“I'm going to turn you into glue, pony!” He hissed, pulling her closer towards him.

“Nnnngh!” She flapped and flapped her wings, trying to fly out of his grip. “If I had a bit for everytime I—” She was forced into another choke-hold. The veins in her eyes showed as she growled, “Dang it! Will you friggin' lemme finish a catch phrase for once?!” With her last breath, she bucked her hooves viciously, uppercutting him.

“Aaaugh!” The minotaur spun from the blow, teetered, tripped over the piece of a valve, and fell face-forward into the mess of pipes. The air rang loudly, then filled with a high-pitched hiss. “Nnnngh... Nnnngh... Darn it...!” He grunted and groaned.

Rainbow Dash craned her neck to find out why. From ceiling level, she saw that the minotaur had fallen with his horns embedding into the thickest of the pipes. Several of the tubes around him were buckling, spitting loose rivets, coming apart at the joints. The air filled with steam as multiple dials along a pump console started tilting into the red.

“I'm stuck!” The minotaur shouted, struggling and buckling. “You blasted, equine filth! Help get me loose!”

“Uhhhh...” Rainbow Dash looked at the vibrating pipes. “Uhhhhh...” She looked at the rattling, engorged pumps growing hotter and hotter. “Yeah, I don't think so.” She flew out in a blur.

“Curse you, you blue cloudstain! Curse you—” His voice was drowned out by a rising cacophony of exploding pipes.

In the meantime, Rainbow Dash had flown clear out of the shack. Several minotaurs gasped and shouted at the sight of her. She paid them no mind and flew directly towards the center of the quarry. Barely ten seconds had passed when a enormous explosion went off behind her. The shockwave from the bursting pipes pushed everybody to the ground, including Rainbow. She grinded into a sea of gravel, wincing. Propping herself up, she looked up in the air and saw the screaming body of a steam-scalded guard sailing like a missile. He eventually landed with a groan in a pile of sawdust up ahead.

“Hah!” Rainbow Dash grinned wide as several clumps of wooden and metal debris fell around her. “How's that for insolence, ya walking bag of methane?!” She turned and smiled over her shoulder. “Hahahah—”

From where the pump had exploded, a fifteen foot tall wave of solid water was soaring straight towards Rainbow's way.

“—Aaaah!”

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