Map
Afternoon came, and the hilltops blurring beneath Rainbow Dash turned into jagged promontories as she came upon the crest of a mountain range. The sun was well overhead, approaching its peak climb over the globe of the sky. Rainbow Dash realized she was still squinting, so she raised a hoof up to her goggles and turned a dial. With a gentle click, the shades of the lenses popped back to reveal a clear pair beneath. She relaxed her ruby eyes and kept soaring eastward.
The earth turned progressively uneven below. When the mountains began, the topography shattered into a craggy affair, with several stretches of alabaster rock shredding the green vegetation into thin emerald scraps. The air above these sharp formations grew misty, coalescing into thick clouds that gathered into a gray miasma above the sharply rising landscape.
With experienced caution, Rainbow Dash elevated her ascent several dozens of meters above the visible stone. She was adamant about making a speedy pass over the mountains, but she wasn't about to stupidly plunge into any hidden rockfaces beyond the clouds.
The mist in the air grew denser. Rays of sunlight danced around Rainbow Dash in swathing beams. In mid-glide, she reached a hoof out and played with the many yellow bands. Her mind wandered, and for the briefest of moments she thought she heard laughter. Her eyes blinked beneath her goggles, and the sensation left her, trailing on the fringes of a deep sigh.
There was a sudden gust of wind. If she was any other pegasus, she would have been tossed wildly into the ether, but Rainbow Dash swiftly countered for the gale attacking her wings. She leveled out and hovered up, getting a good view of the landscape beneath her as the misty clouds parted.
She spotted a sudden dip in the mountains. A deep ravine had formed suddenly, and a heavy current of cold wind was billowing down to fill the canyon.
As Rainbow Dash coasted the top of this landscape, the clouds dissipated, and she was taken back by a sight ahead of her. Two mountain ranges rose sharply and met a single point, as if bluntly colliding. The result was a pair of tall summits, twin spokes of ancient rock that pierced the sky like granite antennae.
Rainbow Dash hovered in place, staring for a prolonged period of time at the image. She couldn't help but feel as if the twin peaks looked familiar. Bothered by her lapse in memory, she spun cyclonically through the mountainous currents until she found a dry plateau of pale rock to perch on. A sharp rise in craggy stone behind her canceled out the wind, giving her a peaceful spot to touch down and reach back for her saddlebag.
She slowly removed the contents of her pack: a canteen of water, two loaves of crumbling bread, a first-aid kit, a metal hatchet, a compass, a container of flint and steel, three blankets, and finally a green-bound book. This last item she purposefully avoided looking at as a loathsome shudder ran through her body. Gently, she slid the book out of sight and reached into the saddlebag one last time. She produced a paper scroll with a lunar seal.
Unrolling the scrap, she stretched out a rich detailed map labeled "Known Realms." In the center of the amber parchment was a landscape etched in black ink. Rainbow Dash's eyes stared at the mountainous summit of “Canterlot Mountain,” then traveled to the right past “Everfree”, then past a broad stretch of dotted paper titled “Undermarshes.” She traced her hoof even further across the paper, past “Dream Valley,” past “Sea of Songs,” past “The Diamond Flats,” and finally settling on “Blue Plains.” Just east of this spot was an unnamed mountain range, but one thing stood out. It was a pair of mountains that rose like sharp spokes into the sky.
Rainbow Dash looked up. She saw two enormous peaks lingering two kilometers in front of her, bathing a thick shadow across the grand, misty ravine surrounding the mare. She looked back down. The twin peaks dotted a part of the map that was no less than five centimeters from the right edge of the paper.
For some reason, that only made her smile all the more.
Rainbow rolled the map back up. She put away her belongings, lingering slightly with the green-bound book, and clasped the saddlebag shut with its crescent-moon buttons. Hoisting her goggles back over her eyes, she stood against the wind, gave the mountains a silent snarl, and threw herself off the cliff face so that she soared between the two peaks as if they were polished goalposts.
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Damn, as a lover of mountains, the imagery in this chapter was like pornography, awesome story so far!
Gotta say, beautiful scenery being discribed here. I can't even imagine this world as a cartoon anymore. Even RD is starting to get more realistic-looking in my head. I can even imagine the bluish mist that forms around those mountains.
My only gripes at this point in the story are that we still don't know much of what is going on. Obviously, RD is happy to be flying out East. But what is she flying away from and why? Or, what is she flying towards? Why does she despise that book? Of course, this isn't a story problem.
The other problem IS though. The name Rainbow Dash is being used to commonly, instead of words like "The cyan pegasus" or "The rainbow-maned pegasus". Some alternative would be nice. Even just using "she" and "her" a bit more would be okay, since it's only RD that's present in the story so far.
Where is Dash going? Why is she going there? Why does she seem happy to be leaving her friends behind?
These things I want to know.
Ominous, mysterious, and a little scary. This is great!
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I'm wondering if the reason her name is being used instead of 'she', 'her', 'the cyan pegasus mare' &c. is that she's reminding herself of who she is. She never seems to think about anything. The closest she comes to that is a feeling of revulsion directed at the book.
It reads almost like it's a story about an amnesiac.
Of course, many more chapters to read, so I guess I'll see if I'm on the right track soon enough.
Maybe Rainbow Dash lost her memories, and the book had something written in it that Miss Dash didn't like? I don't know, there's too many unknowns, hell, for all we know she could just be looking for moon cheese!
You know how to write a hook, that's for sure. It's either going to be your beautifully described scenery and pleasant prose, or the huge overbearing mystery that will drag readers in.
New guess: Yes she is on a mission from Luna -- because of the seal -- or at least one of the princesses. The book is most likely the same one Twilight read that dealt with the Elements of Harmony, or one related to the elements, seeing as she dislikes it just as much, if not more than, the necklace on her neck -- aka her element piece.
She misses Pinkie, or the laughter of her friends, so I'm assuming she's either going to see them, possibly rescue them, or is just flying solo. Based on the map, she has also flown very, very far so far. She flew past places that I very much would have liked to read about, but that is for another story I guess. Now, I doubt her mission -- or whatever it is -- will end with the mountains because the map was only the "Known Realms". Her smile is either going to go unfounded or she's just experiencing wanderlust.
Welp, that's what I got, pretty decent for two chapters, no? Now just watch as it gets shot down...
1166221 I have two things to add to that. Perhaps she lost her friends or did something terrible and is trying to become someone else under the same name, and maybe when she for the mission Luna sensed that and decided to accommodate her by tellig her to explore new lands.
I lurve you.
I am listening to Two Steps From Hell's track, Strength of a Thousand Men as I read these... DAAAAAMN.
Hai guys! Just a note, I started my evaluation time after this chapter, soooo...yeah. I suppose I could still do one, if anyone wants me to, but it wouldn't be a first impression. So I'm just gonna leave this chapter evaluation-time-free.
-MASH
P.S.: If I get a note that someone wants an evaluation time for this chapter, I will write it.
2nd Chapter, Second Day.
This doesn't reveal anything about why she's doing this, but it gets the reader thinking about why, leaving it to the imagination.
So far, so good.
156 chapters, this might take a while.
Hmm, seems interesting, appears to be connected to Eljunbyro? Might as well check it out-200 chapters, 200,000+ words. Ah crap.
I am WAYYYY to lazy to read the whole thing, but I'll try.
Seeing Rainbow brimming with excitement and wonder at the prospect of exploring the great unknown, I can't help but smile and think back to when I last played Minecraft and lost track of time testing the limits of the impossibly huge world. Each mountain range hides a new horizon, each hill offers a new vista, and every ocean crossed reveals new lands. The pegasus may be alone on her journey, but I feel this absolute solitude serves to intensify the experience, and I can't wait to share in the adventure with her.
By the way, how many pages would a 200k word paperback be?
2156606 Minecraft's landscape is randomly infinitely generated, so theoretically if you would keep flying 100000000000 years you wouldnt be on end XD
2332665 Onward, until our poor computer runs out of memory!
DEAR GOD I LOVE SCENERY PORN!!!!!
1230993 I'm listening to Traveller By Shawn Lochalsh. It works perfectly
Good story so far. I'm not much for lavish descriptions, but yet you've still piqued my interest so I'll read on.
Second chapter over and done with. I've gotta say, you still have the amount of detail to create a picture down. I'm going to be expecting that for the next....157 chapters!! ...Okay then. If the story is this good, then I'll push myself to read it.
Still don't know what the hell is happening.
~LL
(Edit: Got the amount of chapter wrong. I meant to say...197!?! ...A little harder, but whatever. And then.....your other 100k books....Alrighty then.)
2332665 Well, it's infinitely generated, but the physical part is up to 8 Earths, which is around 2 Neptunes, and the Nether is somewhere around 1 Earth, and the end is around a kilometer and then a whole lot of nothing for 8 Earths, so 17 Earths which is 4.25 Neptunes, which is really big, so it's pretty big. Amazing to think that all fits into several seconds of loading...
3103161 It doesn't take only a few seconds to render that much. It takes a few seconds to render the chunks (pieces of landscape) surrounding the players on the server. The whole map is never loaded all at once and chunks unload when you move away from them.
So I've heard a lot of good things about this story, figured I'd get around to reading it.
*notices the 200 chapters*
......
*sighs*
Well....better get started then.
Uh oh... it's another These Black Eyes...
Why do you do this to me man?
I used to think this story was overrated. I have never been so wrong in all my life.
24.media.tumblr.com/d89da2818c5dc82d2777445bf8c26e28/tumblr_mf6v45xgeP1ro5ao2o1_500.gif
Ah, onto the second chapter. It seems Rainbow could've been sent by one of the princesses on a journey to explore beyond these 'known realms', but if so it would make sense to send the others as well. Maybe one of them was kidnapped, one who is dear to her heart. I don't know. As for the green book, I've got no idea. She was told to bring it (whatever 'it' is) but she didn't want to? Or it's a belonging of the missing one?
Anyhow, you've kept it vague as ever, though showing us a little more, which could mean any number of things, such as what I've said above. The way that you're still hooking the readers, at least me, is great, because I just can't stop reading. I look forwards to seeing if anything I thought was correct, or nowhere close to the truth 
Enough of this guessing and onto what I thought of the chapter, because you obviously care so very, very much about some small writer's review on your story
Meadows to mountains
Soar o'er misty windswept crags
View map, but shun book
I'm the grave keeper of Austraeho, so I'll be analyzing some of these chapters as well as putting down a few theme songs for each. So yeah, fantastic chapter. I'm going to work on some mediocre fan art for this two and will probably get a lot of practice. I'm always been a dialogue fan myself, but how can you argue with this imagery. I also though this chapter came a lot later but oh well. Very adventure-esque feel to it, and a nice blast of nostalgia.
Mountains are pretty cool.
this is different and i like it so far a fue more chapters and i might click the like button and favor it .... when I posted this a pop up said "stop right there you criminal scum!"... I lifted my hands up and looked around like someone said freeze
Isn't her Daring Doo book green? First her element, now a book given by a friend. She seems to show some disdain for both these items, but why?
I like the way this story is going so far, making us try to piece things together ourselves
I'm doing a reading and this is my third time trying to read all the words correctly, not to mention six tries last chapter. I almost wish the author used less description, but who am I to say that about such a beautiful work of art? But seriously, why must this have so much difficult-to-pronounce purple prose?!
I love the vagueness. It's a very show don't tell story.
I love how you're making me guess what is going to happen, instead of just telling me.
5459429
It gets better, if you aren't already at the point where he cuts back on it slightly by now.
clearly something bad has happened and either forced Rainbow, or gave her little choice in the matter, as to where she went. Why east?
Lunar seal? did Luna send her on this journey? Significant green book, a gift (or curse?) from Twilight, perhaps?
Two chapters in and already i'm left wondering and trying to fill in gaps.
I love the descriptions. Lots of vagueness as someone pointed before. It's too late to read more and I just wanted to start. I'll be back tomorrow and I expect some more info on what's going on with RD. I like a few suggestions here, under this chapter. Also, a few more pieces of information were put in here. I think I'm going to love this story. And it's going to teach me a lot of new vocabulary. I really like such stories.
Twin mountain peaks?
PENNATH ADOR
Only people who've read the Door Within will understandAlso, this phrase is brilliant: "the topography shattered into a craggy affair"
Yer off the edge of the map mate. Here there be monsters.
5976323
Indeed.
Here, there be dragons. Welcome to the Edge of the World, please watch your step as you drop off the edge of the map... I can't believe I didn't start this long ago... well, anyway, onto the next chapter!
what in the planet eques? This seems to be popular and so read how but what going onish is a reason to
1166221 I, myself, got a feeling of dread, reading the part, about her hearing laughter... like Dash feared for or hatred... guess I will see.
What is the green book and why does she hate it so much? Was that real laughter carried on the wind or did she just imagine it?
Unless she's feeling cocky as usual her smile tells me the "running from something" guess is wrong so you give me more questions and no answers yet I still want to read on and find those answers.
Was that a Journey reference? The twin peaks seem like a Journey (the game, not the song) reference -- hence the déjà vu without deja vu -- but she's moving beyond the mountains... So her journey is ending yet just beginning? Or is this more like The Dark Tower.
Continuing reread, this should have been my first clue that IC had issues regarding units. Specifically
Would have done a lot more than 'linger'.
Doesn't detract from the story itself in any way however, just means that I have to adjust. Now onward.
2/13/2017 03:31GMT
I'm starting the journey.
Wow, it's 2017, and this has 2017 likes? Truly I am meant to read this