• Published 13th May 2012
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Austraeoh - Imploding Colon

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“And he was all like, 'You're going down!' So I said, 'In history, maybe! See you boys at the finish line!'”

“Heeheehee!” The five chambermaids giggled from where they sat on velvet cushions strategically placed in orbit of Rainbow Dash's seat. The edge of the balcony loomed beyond, and a gentle night breeze was wafting in through the marble pillars that bordered the torchlit chamber.

As for Rainbow Dash: she was lazily reclined on a lounge seat, digging into a brass plate of crisp, green vegetables.

“Mmmmff...” She scarfed another down as she smiled pleasantly at the small audience of bubbly fillies surrounding her. “These things are absolutely despicable! I love them!” They giggled some more as she sat up, brushing her hooves off. “Y'know, ladies...” Gulping a final morsel down, Rainbow Dash plucked disgustedly at the length of the white, silken robe that was loosely clad to her figure. “I could have done without the frilly nonsense.” She rolled her eyes as a lock of spiraling colors dipped below her brow. “And I may have grumbled a little when all of you decided to braid my mane...”

“But it's so gorgeous!” One mare chirped.

“Heehee! We've never seen anything like it before!” Added another, smiling. “It's absolutely amazing.”

“But, all in all,” Rainbow Dash nodded and smirked slyly at the group. “I think I'm starting to warm up to this. Maybe royalty isn't as full of hot air as I thought it was.”

“We were instructed to make you as comfortable as possible.”

“Yeah, well, you've done most of that, lemme tell ya.” Rainbow Dash stood on the edge of the seat, grinning. “So, like, do you girls live in this place or something?”

“In revolving sessions,” one said.

“We work for a month or two, and then return to our families for a sabbatical,” explained another.

A third nodded. “The Queen relies on our services, but she never monopolizes our attention.”

“Mmm... Yes...” A fourth turned and smiled at her fellow servants. “Because if she did, our coltfriends would be truly, truly sad forever!”

The five laughed merrily amongst themselves.

Rainbow Dash's smile lingered on the precipice of her face. “Coltfriends...” She limply nodded as her right eye twitched. “Right... Ahem.” She shifted where she sat and spoke, “So... uh... are you all happy to live on a giant phallic spike in the middle of Emeraldine?”

“Oh, we are most proud to be allowed to work and live here in Verdestone,” one replied. “And to be in such close proximity to Her Majesty: it is truly glorious!”

“And it gives us the chance to witness handsome foreign dignitaries from around the world!” Another chimed in. “Such as Chancellor Nightsteam of Darkstine!”

“And of course we are always graced with special surprises,” said another. “Such as the chance to service an exotic princess such as yourself.”

“Mmmm... yeah...” Rainbow Dash was attacked with the case of the yawns. She breathed her way through it and refocused her vision on the group of five. “About that. You all realize that I'm no princess, right?”

The maidens merely giggled.

“Oh, don't be so humble. Leave modesty to us.”

“I mean it. Seriously.” Rainbow Dash tried to point, but a silken sleeve dangled in the way. She fussed with her robe before ultimately groaning. “This isn't really me. Heh. I'm about as royal as a hill of spent ice cream cones.” She yawned suddenly, her eyelids falling heavy. “Unngh... even I don't understand that last one. Still...” She blinked, the world growing foggy before the torchlight. “I'm... I'm just a pegasus who... who is heading east...”

“Hmmm? So you are on a journey, then?”

“Seeking true love?”



“A... Aw... Awesomeness...” Rainbow Dash slurred, her head teetering as she yawned again. Her brow furrowed beneath the prismatic braids dangling off her skull. “Jeez... Where... Where did the attack of the drowsy gremlins come from? I...”

The smiles on the chambermaids' faces left. They exchanged glances, then nodded in accordance. With singular grace, they all stood up.

“She wishes to see her now...”

“Let's help her rest...”

“See... See wh-who...?” Rainbow Dash gulped, feeling dizzy. “I... I don't get...” She bit her lip. “Something's wrong.” The torchlight disappeared, one flame after another, as the balcony and the stars beyond spun out of focus. “I... I feel so... so lame....”

The last thing she saw, for better or for worse, was the dainty quintet of fillies softly converging on her.

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