• Published 13th May 2012
  • 49,166 Views, 8,111 Comments

Austraeoh - Imploding Colon

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Steelteeth's plane glided into the hangar of a ten-story building in East New Ring. As its landing spokes were caught in a series of elastic cables below, its propeller blades slowed to a grinding halt while the craft parked completely. Surrounded by pipes of hissing steam, Steelteeth climbed out onto the adjacent platforms while Rainbow Dash hovered close to the ceiling, squinting at the many complex mechanisms and pressure gauges surrounding them.

Suddenly, the plane collapsed in a heap of rattling junk.

“Daaaah!” Rainbow Dash spun around, gawking at the jagged shards as the landing strip opened up to reveal a trash compactor below. The remains of the plane were scooped in, squashed, and conveyed away on a rolling treadmill. “What in the hay just happened?!”

“Half of Darkstinian technology is all about destruction and re-use,” Steelteeth said. “Trust me, I'll have an identical vehicle constructed for me just as quickly for my flight home.”

Rainbow Dash pointed at the chunks of airplane being carted away. “You mean to tell me that all the time during which we were flying here, the stupid thing could have done that?!”

“Don't be ridiculous,” Steelteeh droned and marched his rigid self past her. “I wouldn't have given it the pleasure.”

Rainbow Dash frowned. “Okay, dude, if this is your way of introducing me to the Darkstinian sense of humor—”

“That's assuming that they have one,” he muttered. While trotting towards the interior chambers beyond the hangar, he pointed blindly at her hovering figure. “I'd not fly around if I were you?”

“Hey! Hovering is what I do! Why shouldn't I?”

“Because the highly electrified auto-turrets of the Darkstinian mana security system are trained to incinerate all unidentified flying objects within a five mile radius.”

“Erm...” Rainbow Dash gulped and dropped limply onto the floor beside the tall stallion. “Walking it is.”

Just as they entered the chamber, a bright light flickered around them, accompanied by a loud siren that sounded as if a swarm of angry cicadas was shrieking directly into Rainbow's skull. With a rattle of her golden pendant, she scrunched down to the ground and covered her ears with a grimace.

Three sets of hooves bounded around the corner, and soon a trio of deadpan unicorns were standing before the two visitors wearing silver armor and bearing electrified lances over their horns.

“New objective added,” one said in an unemotional tone. “Acquisition of identity of outtrotters.”

“Familial support: affirmative,” a second nodded, sounding just as cold and lifeless.

The third marched forward, frowning. “Completely neutral inquisition: identify yourselves, outtrotters.”

Rainbow Dash was standing up, a painfully perplexed expression crossing her face.

Steelteeth cleared his throat. His glinting jaws showed as he stood fearlessly before the guards. “I am Constable Steelteeth, former ambassador of Verdestone interests. Darkstinian airspace patrol has already cleared us to proceed towards the facilities of Governor Mintelle in New Ring.”

“Correction applied,” droned the middlemost guard. “She who would be Governor Mintelle is located in East New Ring. We who would be Darkstinian citizens currently reside in East New Ring.”

“Supportive statement applied,” added another. “He who is my co-worker is correct: only ponies who support he who would be Duke Zaap Nator fail to add the adjectival descriptor 'East' to the Darkstinian Capital.”

The third's horn shimmered threateningly, though his voice hardly shared the same intimidation. “Passionate inquiry: do you who would be outtrotters support the administration of he who would be Duke Zaap Nator?”

Steelteeth's aquamarine eyes narrowed. Neverthelees, he coolly spoke, “I am not familiar with the political authority of Zaap Nator as of late, and my companion here is a foreign pegasus from a land far away. We're merely here on the insistence of Queen Whitemane of Verdestone to pay your Governor Mintelle a cordial visit.”

The three armored Darkstinians shared glances. After a mutual nod, they leaned back and their horns stopped sparkling with energy.

One of them boldly spoke, “Achievement unlocked: sufficient trust. You may proceed to the Governor's facilities, he who would be Constable Steelteeth and she who would be a foreign pegasus form a land far away.”

“Much appreciated, gentlecolts,” Steelteeth said, tipping the edge of his hat. With a billowing his coattails, he marched ahead.

As Rainbow Dash scurried after him, one of the unicorns leaned in and spoke with a gold gaze. “Title obtained: he who would be a watchful eye of she who would be a suspicious outtrotter of many colors.”

As the two proceeded along a steam-venting bridge between tall, brass-framed buildings, Rainbow Dash peered behind her and glared at the trio of guards, still waching them from afar. “Yeesh, what the hay is up with the way they talk?”

“It's part of age-old, Darkstinian tradition,” Steelteeth murmured as several steam trains and mana spheres zoomed above and below them through the smoggy urbanscape. “The unicorns of New Ring—or should I say East New Ring—speak in a passive voice that blends with their philosophy of emotional detachment and self-sacrifice to the autonomy of industry.”

“Ah,” Rainbow Dash nodded. “Well, could you tell them to stop? It's really friggin' annoying.”

Steelteeth shook his head. “I cannot make them change their speech anymore than I can get them to alter their very own tradition and creed. My former job as ambassador meant maintaining a passive distance of my own.”

“Yeah...” Rainbow Dash smirked up at him. “But what about your current job as tall, dark, Mr. Badflank?”

“You have me misunderstood, Miss Dash,” Steelteeth muttered. “I have never harmed another pony.”

“Heh, well that's good to know.”

“At least none that deserved it.”

Rainbow Dash blinked at that. She shook the thought off as she gazed down at the clusters of dense pedestrians trotting through the metal-paved streets of the metropolis. “Yeesh. It's like a gigantic, miserable sauna in this place and everypony's invited!”

“It must be difficult to force yourself to stay grounded for a visit like this...”


“I said, it must be difficu—”

“What?!” Rainbow Dash hissed, wincing as more vehicles zoomed by on tracks overhead. “I'm sorry, but it's way to dang loud! How can ponies live with this?!”

“You must not be a city pony.”

“Heck, I've been to cities before, but this—” She shrieked a little too girlishly for her own measure as a hot burst of steam vented out of the bridge's platform below. Sighing, she scampered to catch up with him. “The capitals I'm used to have paint wooden roofs, heart-shaped architecture, and loads of flower gardens. This place is like a goddess-forsaken jar of almonds in every orifice!”

“The Darkstinians have a different perception of tranquility. They admire the concept of being a cog within a machine, and so it is not strange for them to subscribe to a lifestyle that is just as metaphorically cacophonous.” With a sullen breath, Steelteeth gazed towards the smoggy cityscape. “It alarms me to think that there could be a sudden air of turmoil about the place...”

“You talkin' about that whole confusion over 'New Ring' and 'East New Ring?'” Rainbow Dash made a face. “What's up with that? And just who's this Dath Zaratul anyways?”

“Duke Zaap Nator,” Steelteeth corrected. “And there will come a time and place for a history lesson.”

“Oh come on...” Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes and michievously smirked. “Give me a break, Steely! You suck at loremastering!”

“Shhh!” Steelteeth gestured towards the massive, gear-powered gates looming before them. “Behold, the Governor's House.”

“So help me Luna, their little fillies' room better not have auto-turrets too...”

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