Five
Afterwards, Rarity decided that the less she allowed herself to dwell on the rest of the night's activities, the better. Never in all her life had she imagined that she would willingly traipse through the Ponyville waste water drainage system—she would not, would not, would not allow the word 'sewer' to so much as quiver across her thoughts. But through seemingly endless miles of stone tunnels she'd trudged as the night wore on, the glow of her horn the only illumination and a growing annoyance her only emotion.
Fortunately, she didn't have to worry about behaving so uncouthly as to give voice to those frustrations. Not while she had Rainbow Dash stomping along the street beside her. "Six hours!" Rainbow waved a wing toward the eastern horizon, now substantially brighter than just a few moments before. "And the only action was that prowler we chased around Twilight's castle!"
Not knowing why she bothered, Rarity said, "That was Owlowiscious."
"You don't know that!"
As amusing as this argument had been the first five times they'd had it, Rarity declined to participate in a sixth go-round. "What I do know," she said instead, "is that we are returning emptyhoofed."
And, oh, how it rankled. It made Rarity squint and puff and imagine some dunderhead scooping up her diamond and throwing it into a display case, sucking the life and the breath out of the stone. For all that she found it difficult at the moment to think good thoughts about Fashionably Late, at least the mare had understood that pieces like the Azdariz needed to be out, needed to be admired, need to know the kiss of sunlight and the gentle cradle of a mare's throat rather than be locked away in some museum or private collection somewhere.
But after having rooted through every drain grating and catch basin in Ponyville as well as every spot that Fashionably Late could conceivably have visited... Rarity reached up to rub her eyes only to meet the cloth of the Mare-Do-Well mask she was still wearing. Forcing her teeth not to grind, she pushed the words out through her reluctant throat: "Somepony must've already found it."
"No honest pony!" Rainbow took to the air and smacked her front hooves together. "I mean, face it, Rares: that diamond's prob'bly either cut into four or five pieces by now or halfway to dragon country!"
The thought stabbed Rarity. To cut the Azdariz Diamond would be a travesty beyond compare, but for it to be carried off and buried in some dragon's hoard? "No." Her horn as numb as a leg slept on incorrectly, her hooves throbbing and her neck stiff, she nonetheless raised her head and looked east, the sun just sliding over the hills there. "Because I'll be going after it."
"What?"
"I have no choice."
"Are you nuts?" Rainbow's voice cut through Rarity's head like a mid-winter icicle. "It's just a rock! You can't seriously—!"
"It's beauty, Rainbow Dash." She could barely swallow, her throat felt so thick. "The purest, loveliest, most inexpressibly perfect object I shall ever see or touch. And to let that go..." Her whole body seemed to clench, and she couldn't continue.
"Wow," a thick voice said behind her. "Your friend must sure like watching the sun rise, Rainbow Dash."
Blinking, Rarity turned, and—
"Oh, hey, Derpy," Rainbow said from somewhere to Rarity's right. "Early delivery this morning?"
"You betcha!" The postmare gave a nod. "There's always somepony somewhere who needs their stuff before breakfast."
She may have continued speaking, but the object dangling from Derpy's neck, the chain much too long for a pony her size, the light of dawn catching it, embracing it, and calling forth its inner fire, that object made Rarity forget everything else around her.
"Huh." Rainbow stepped into the corner of Rarity's field of vision. "That a new necklace, Derpy?"
"Yep!" Catching the swinging chain with a hoof, Derpy held the Azdariz Diamond up, and staring as she was, Rarity couldn't miss how Derpy's eyes moved in unaccustomed unison to focus on the jewel. "I found it in the park the other day just laying in the mud! Isn't it the prettiest thing that's ever been pretty?"
"Yeah, I guess." The indifference in Rainbow's voice shocked Rarity; she turned to glare at Rainbow, but the glare Rainbow was already aiming at her made Rarity's simply deflate. "Not the sorta thing I'd, y'know, leave my friends and family and business and life behind to go chasing after, sure, but yeah, it's pretty enough."
Derpy was blinking at Rainbow, her eyes drifting in opposite directions again. "What?" she asked.
"Stones like that," Rainbow said, but her attention stayed fixed on Rarity so intensely, Rarity found that she couldn't look away. "You gotta be careful with 'em 'cause they sometimes make ponies do stupid things. Especially when those ponies forget the stuff that's really important."
The suit around Rarity was getting warmer and warmer, the now-risen sun shining full upon her. But a part of her mind had already begun planning her visit to Derpy's house after midnight tonight—Derpy didn't lock her doors, Rarity was certain, and the Mare-Do-Well costume should serve quite nicely to stop any hair or hide traces from remaining behind....
She shook her head. Then, just to be certain that those thoughts had been properly banished, she shook her head again. "Yes," she said, her voice barely sounding like hers even to her own ears. "It is a lovely stone." Sitting, she reached up with her hooves and removed her hat and mask. "If you like, Derpy, I can show you a better way to wear it."
"Oh, wow!" Derpy's eyes went wide even though one of them was pointing straight up. "I didn't know it was you in there, Rarity!"
"It very nearly wasn't." Rarity glanced at Rainbow and saw her friend give a real smile for the first time in many long hours. "But you need to wear a stone like that close about your neck: these sorts of gems love to rest against the skin, you see." Sparking her weary horn, she sent her magic out to bunch the chain, form a temporary clasp, and draw the Azdariz up to nestle against Derpy's breast, the mailmare's gray coloration the perfect background for the rainbows dancing within the diamond.
"Wow." Derpy whispered it this time, the entirety of her usually wandering gaze again coming together to fasten on this most singular of items. "You're right. It's even prettier now..." And the awe behind her words reminded Rarity of something else about which she was rarely mistaken: the way that true beauty could never be possessed but only shared.
Rarity took a deep breath. "Come by the shop later, and I'll fix it more permanently for you." She blew the breath out. "It'll be a lovely heirloom to pass on to Dinky someday."
"Okay!" Wings buzzing, Derpy swooped over to give her a quick hug. "Thanks, Rarity! I'll see you! You, too, Rainbow Dash!" She zipped off toward the post office, and while Rarity hadn't spent a great deal of time observing Derpy in flight, the postmare did seem to be progressing in a rather less careening fashion than she often employed.
Dawn continued its silent stirring around them for a moment, then Rainbow said, "I'm not gonna ask if you're okay, Rares, 'cause I know you are."
"I will be, I think, yes." Looking at Rainbow Dash, Rarity couldn't help recalling the one matter about which she was never mistaken: the true and unwavering support of her friends when adversity was prodding at her with its slovenly hooves. "Thank you."
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This was a fine story. It's always nice when authors show that for all her faults Rainbow isn't stupid.
Also Fashionably Late is a great pony name.
Unexpected, but awesome, ending. For all the adventurous silliness, the struggle between Rarity's greed and generosity, her love of beauty and desire to have that beauty, was the real action scene of this story.
Nice story. It felt like an episode. Well done, have a fav!
Very good job
Nice wrap up
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Thanks, folks!
This is a story I've been wanting to write for over a year now, but it was only the impetus of The Writeoff that actually got me putting fingertips to keyboard. Now I can move on to not writing the story I've been wanting to write for a mere 10 months!
Mike
You know something, it's really nice to see a story where Rainbow admonishes Rarity instead. I mean it makes sense and I'm not saying people shouldn't do it, but it gets old.
Really nice read, good work.
According to Lauren Faust, ponies poop into the ground, thus fertilizing the flowers. In the song "A Glass of Water", we see the toilet of Bon Bon and Lyra Heartstrings, which contradicts the statement of Lauren Faust. This story implies that ponies not just have toilets, but that Ponyville has sewers.
That was pretty solidly great. Good story, Bunny, it was a delight to read.
Well, congratulations on hitting all the right parts of a ridiculous madcap chase movie without the ridiculous madcap chase movie.
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Thanks! It's always fun exploring the "other sides" of characters.
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And there's the outhouse scene in "The Last Roundup," too. I think it was Present Perfect who wrote a minific Ponyizing the way that horses in our world poop 15 or 20 times a day, so, yeah, any and all varieties of bathroom facilities, I would think, would be essential to maintaining Equestrian society.
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Thanks, folks. Now I'm imagining a Pony version of "It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World"--or did I leave out a "Mad" in there? It's been a while since I saw that movie...
Mike
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Earth and Sky is credit to ridiculous madcap chase movie team.
Well, the last half of it is, anyway.
Hm. I think that, to me, this works better as a single story than as five chapters; the sources of tension that drive the chapter breaks are very different than the tension that drives the full plot arc, so the story would feel a little more unified if it all wound up for one big pitch at the end. Regardless, it was a fun read in the Writeoff and I like the additions!
Good stuff, Mike. Was a good end to a funny story. I was expecting more shenanigans, but the Rarity/Dashie interactions filled in that hole, and the down-to-earth ending rounded out a realistic finish that satisfied in a different way.
Keep on writin', you!
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Yeah, they're more:
Act breaks than chapter breaks. Oh, well...
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Thanks again!
I'm hip deep in consolidating all my magical squirrel stories into a single novel right now, but I hope to have that done by mid-summer so I can get back to Pony stuff!
Mike
She didn't, though.
Up until this point, Rainbow's the only one who's gotten carried away, turning an ordinary lost-item search into a treasure expedition. The only hint that Rarity might be blowing things out of proportion comes later, and IMO feels a little shoehorned in.
FWIW, the life of a gentlemare thief would represents probably the obvious career of the alternate evil Mirror Universe Rarity.
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Oh, well:
Not every story works for every reader.
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In An Infinite Number of Pinkies:
A story I wrote under my other pseudonym, Pinkie Pie at one point meets Modesty Pink, her gentlemare thief twin from a mirror universe. So yeah, I'm all for that!
Mike
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And they all:
Lived happily ever after!
Mike
5978495 A story well done
Not bad. Not bad at all. (I didn't find any spelling errors!)
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Thanks!
I'm still chuckling over the way I had "Carousal Boutique" at the beginning of the story till Present Perfect pointed it out to me a few days ago. It makes me want to write an Alternate Universe story where Rarity has Pinkie's job, and the Carousal Boutique is the giant funhouse she runs in town.
Mike
I love the narrative voice you use in the story. It fits Rarity quite nicely. Good work!
What a thoughtful story. Great job on this, it was fun to read!
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Thanks!
I was trying to write in something like the British style of Douglas Adams or Terry Pratchett and had way to much fun with it.
Mike
5997968 Fair enough, I was just wondering. I'm also going to read the rest of your fics, this one was good.
That was lovely.
WELP. That was a thing.
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Thanks!
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I'm afraid I can neither confirm not deny whether it actually was a thing or not. All very hush-hush, you know...
Mike
6298112 You were never here.
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I'm willing to bet:
That I'm not even here now.
Mike
People looking for Rarity / Rainbow interaction may enjoy it, but I'm not sure if it's fair to say that things "get complicated."
Writing: 3 / 5 (average)
Plot: 2 / 5 (below average)
Bravo, this was a wodnerful romp and I loved the character insights, especially Rainbow Dash and Shony.
Wonderful narrative voice you have there. The entire time I read I could hear the characters' voices (except Derpy's, I seem to have trouble with her).
Although if I could make a suggestion about the character tags: drop Derpy and OC, because Derpy only appears at the very end and Fashionably Late only appears once and is only mentioned after that. Those two are side characters at most.
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Thanks!
With the character tags, I always figure, "Hey, they allow five, so I should use all five if I can!" It's probably not the best way to do it, but, well, there it is...
Mike
7953516 It really isn't. Even if the story is good, it's deceptive and kind of annoying. My rule of thumb (that I've never really applied since I haven't written a story in years) is that a character should get a tag if they're in, and active in, at least half of the story.
I hope that's clear enough, I tend to struggle with that.
Well done! I loved the ending--not what I was expecting at all, but it really fit perfectly.
I'm kind of glad I let this one wait for as long as I did. I'd forgotten the ending, which meant I could experience it again. Thank you for this, taking my sweet time with it though I did.
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Thanks!
This story's been turning up a lot lately. Are people still finding it from the Seattle's Angels post a few weeks ago? Mysterious!
Mike
Ah, nice to see Rarity's good nature win over her selfishness. Quite ironic that the Element of Generosity has to wrestle so much with her own greed, isn't it.
I liked these lines;
Comments;
thedisneyodyssey.files.wordpress.com/2014/07/9ae56-tumblr_lbc7kbgkow1qzymqao1_r1_500.gif?w=750&h=428
I reiterate, Rarity is much more interested in the Azdariz Diamond than she was in any stallion.
Oh yeah.
Oh yeah.
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Thank you for all the comments! I wrote this story right after reading Terry Pratchett's The Colour of Magic, the first--and so far only--Discworld book I've ever read, and I wanted to try my hand at that arch, dry, British sort of narration.
Mike
8558086 You're welcome and thanks for replying to my comments.
You can has review!
From the chemistry between Rainbow Dash and Rarity, to the slow set (yet rewarding) slice of life pacing and style.
And of course the feels of that ending, with Rarity helping to style the stone for Muffins.
I guess there's only one thing to say:
Almost but not quite turning to the dark side there Rarity. Good thing Rainbow was there for you.
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After all:
What're friends for?
Mike