60 - A Shy Conclusion
Applejack attempted to shoo off the Crusaders, thankful, but wanting to speak to Rainbow privately, but they stubbornly insisted on accompanying them at least as far as Fluttershy's. They set off as an enlarged group, though Rainbow didn't seem upset.
"It's cool. We got the important stuff out of the way." She gave an odd bit of a smile towards Applejack. "Right?"
Applejack nodded lightly. "Reckon we did... Once we drop off this varmint and ah check in with mah brother, ya up ta goin' back fer more?"
Rainbow raised a brow. "You don't have that fancy thing anymore. You still want to hunt Everfree monsters?"
Applejack raised a hoof to her chest. "Why wouldn't I? It's still the right thing ta do. She wasn't wrong, we need ta take charge of ourselves, startin' with what scares us most."
Rainbow was about to ask a question when Fluttershy's cabin came into view, and the shy pegasus was in sight, watering her garden with a watering can with a big daisy on the side. She was looking especially adorable, though Rainbow still worried a bit for the girl. She raised a hoof. "Hey!"
Fluttershy glanced upwards quickly, spotting Rainbow, Applejack, and the smaller ones arrayed around them. She put down the can gently and approached. "Oh, hello... Are you back from your trip, Applejack? I missed you."
Applejack advanced and wrapped her hooves around Fluttershy tightly, hugging her. "Ah missed ya too, girl, but ah confess we came with somethin'. Take a gander at this here." She shrugged off the bundle that held the cockatrice, which appeared to be starting to rouse.
Fluttershy immediately recognized a cockatrice and flinched back, but realized it was securely bound and its eyes covered. "Why did you bring this here?"
Rainbow pointed at it. "AJ thinks you can tame it."
Applejack nodded lightly. "A far sight kinder than just gettin' rid of it, right? Can ya do it?"
Fluttershy tapped her forehooves together while sitting back on her haunches. "Well... I... If you really need me to? I can try..."
Applejack brightly smiled. "You'll be doin' us a huge favor. Ah'll be rustlin' up other beasts. Together, we can make the Everfree safer fer everypony."
Fluttershy became visibly alarmed. "You can't just... I mean... it's dangerous!"
Apple Bloom thrust a hoof at Applejack. "Mah sister can handle herself pretty good. She's amazing."
Applejack smiled with pride at her sister's words. "Ah'll be right careful, and ah'm goin' with Rainbow Dash, promise. No lone stunts here. Now ah don't want ta overwhelm ya, so how long do ya reckon it'll be ta tame the varmint, and how many can ya handle at once?"
Fluttershy carefully rolled the cockatrice into a position she hoped was more comfortable. "I... I'm really not sure. I never tried making friends with one before..." She suddenly smiled, an idea coming to her to give herself more room and slow down Applejack's alarming enthusiasm. "Why don't you let me see how long it takes with this one before you get any others?"
Applejack tapped her chin. "That's... perfectly reasonable. Ah'll find another project ta work on while ya get this straightened out. How are ya feeling, girl? Ah knew ya had it pretty rough, ya know, before?"
Fluttershy trembled softly at the memory, shrinking back. "I-I'm alright..."
Sweetie tilted her head. "You don't look alright, Fluttershy. We're your friends, you can tell us the truth."
Fluttershy looked at Sweetie, then the others. She sank to her belly. "I can still see her. She keeps laughing at me." She spread her wings timidly, drooping. "My wings still hurt sometimes, but I know they're not broken anymore. It's just me, being a silly mare..."
Rainbow winced even as she advanced. "Fluttershy, this isn't cool. I mean... You're fine, but you're... You're hurt, and we're your friends. Please, share with us."
Applejack nodded firmly. "We're here for ya, sugarcube."
Sweetie pointed at herself. "I know how you feel."
Fluttershy focused on Sweetie Belle. "How can you know how I feel?"
Sweetie took a slow breath before she let out her found voice, singing soft and sweetly and painting a story of her time in Everglow, and just how frightened she was by her time there, and the terrible things they encountered trying to find their way back. Fluttershy softly rocked to the tempo of the song, but looked concerned at its contents. "You really... I'm glad you're all alright."
Scootaloo puffed out her chest. "We had it under control."
Sweetie wrinkled her nose at Scootaloo. "Says you." She looked back at Fluttershy with a soft smile. "You have friends. They're the best for this kind of thing. Please talk to them."
Fluttershy looked between Sweetie Belle and the larger forms of Rainbow Dash and Applejack. "I... don't want to be a bother..."
Applejack put a hoof over her chest. "Ya ain't no bother, Fluttershy. Makin' time fer friends in need is what friends do."
Rainbow bobbed her head. "Yeah! I mean... Sheesh, you all cried with me when I had to get one out... I can return the favor." She spread her hooves out. "Now come over here."
Such was the start of a warm group hug, with everypony, and cat, gently surrounding Fluttershy with care, and for a time, everything was alright.
As the group returned to Ponyville proper from Fluttershy's house, Applejack nodded her head. "Ah guess ah'll slow down on tha Everfree plan and give Fluttershy some space. Yer still with me, right?"
Rainbow perked an ear. "Always."
"Good! Ah have other ideas..."
The Crusaders went off on their own, only to encounter Willow near the town square. The older feline waved them over. "Sunflower, we have a house for ourselves now."
Sunflower looked surprised. "How did you get one so quickly, Mom?"
Willow shrugged softly. "I don't go over finances with you, kitten. I had some money saved up for an emergency." She pointed off to a one-story cottage. "That one right there. I want you back by sundown. Tomorrow, you and the girls are going back to school."
The Crusaders collectively sagged, but Willow was unaffected. "Don't give me that look. Education is not something to be laughed off. At least you'll be with your friends, hmm?"
Sunflower smiled at that. "That's true. It can't be that bad if Sweetie Belle will be there."
Sweetie giggled joyfully. "We'll do... oh! I hope Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon are alright!"
Scootaloo waved a hoof. "They'll be fine! The girls know what happened. I bet Twilight's already working to get them back."
Apple Bloom swallowed softly. "Ah'm just glad mah sis is back ta normal."
Back at the library, Twilight was busy researching curse-breaking spells, not how to recover the fillies. She found a promising one and tucked the notes in a pouch before taking off in search for the others. She spied Rainbow and Applejack not long after. They were smiling at each other, and there was no sign of dangerous artifacts around at all. They waved at one another, and parted ways. She wondered what was going on.
She approached Rainbow Dash first. "Hey, Dash! What happened? Applejack looks fine."
Rainbow grinned. "We took care of it, Twilight. She sent it away herself through sheer power of awesome."
Twilight tilted her head. "Oh... Well that's good, right?"
"It's great!" Dash tapped her chin. "Oh, uh, did I mention Diamond Tiara, Silver Spoon, and Pinkie Pie are lost in Everglow?"
Twilight cringed, a new project heaped upon her. "At least I have my spellbook back. I'll..." she sighed loudly. "Get on that. I thought destroying the rune would end our adventures there. Are they together at least?"
Dash bobbed her head. "They should be? Applejack seemed confident they were, but hay if I know how to confirm that."
Twilight put a hoof over her face a moment. "Alright. Applejack's OK now?"
Dash bobbed her head. "Right as rain, as she'd say. Thanks, Twi." She grabbed up Twilight, giving her a powerful hug for a moment before bolting off, leaving nothing but a fading rainbow behind.
Twilight smiled a little before taking off back for her castle. Her work seemed to have no end, but there was no point in putting it off. Ponies were counting on her and she'd do her best to see them to safety.
She'd rescue those three, but that was another story.
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Double use of view is a little awkward
concerned
Some what? I thought it was already established that Everglow currency was worthless here.
curse-breaking
Ending the story here may make the sequel more difficult. You are implying that there is more to say about Applejack, but if you move on and start the bullies vs. Everglow arc, the AJ stuff will be a 'meanwhile...' and those tend to be disruptive, especially if they're not closely connected to the other plot.
6069877 I thought it was established that coins had some value, but gems were pretty lame.
6069885 I'm entirely fine leaving some things up to the imagination. I may come back to Applejack... or not.
6069887 Oh, that's right. Gold is still rare in Equestria.
6069816
Those are the same thing; unexpected resolution via new or unexpected elements is forced and convenient.
6069888 Well, um, fine then! The best parts of your Ponyfinder stories are the initial immersion section, and DT and SS will put a fresh twist on it. I expect that the group dynamic will be really funny too. The bullies will absolutely detest Pinkie Pie after continuous exposure, but are probably smart enough to figure out that their choices are: Stick with Pinkie or Die.
So, more helpless civilians fighting monsters? Yes, please. (Are they going to another obscure and exotic part of Everglow? Because that would be awesome)
There needs to be a period at the end of this sentence.
I suspect this should be "doin' us a huge favor."
There are two spaces between these sentences.
Also, change "for" to "fer."
Change "ya" to "you." Rainbow doesn't speak with a country accent.
Capitalize "mom" there.
She had some "money" saved up for an emergency.
I'd change "the" to "those."
6069894 I think there's a shade of difference; even leaving that aside, that doesn't mention that it needs to be done via the introduction of a new or unexpected element, character, etc.
As a note, I'm expecting that we'll receive an epilogue in a day or two, simply because that's how several of your other fics have concluded (including this one's predecessor).
Buuuut....buuuut....how does one enjoy typos?! How is this even possible? O.O
6069965 Well someponies like spotting them. It's like a game!
6069928 The last typos of the story. Almost sorry to see them go.
A super good ending to a really good story.
Harts Fire
job well completed.
Time for the DM to go through the sheets, tidying up, putting them back in the folders, and enjoying the cupcake Pinkie left behind?
I take it the link to the next story will be in the Epilog?
6070044 Ja, you can also watch me to see when I post a new story.
Definitely a more satisfying conclusion than A Dangerous Sparkle had. While there's clearly more to tell, this story arc has come to a close. Applejack's gotten a fire lit under her and is learning how to moderate her newfound ambitions. Fluttershy is finally, finally allowing herself to heal from her encounter with the erinyes. Twilight finally got her spellbook back.
There's still a lot to explore: the bullies in Everglow, Lex in Vanhoover, the purrsians in an entirely new plane, the continuing machinations of distant gods, but that's all another story. This was about the Crusaders stumbling into an adventuring career and everything that came with it. Those ripples are dying down; the next installment, should you write it, will have a different focus.
Thank you for this.
6070131 I also felt the ending came in much more smoothly than last time, like a slightly bumpy but intact coming in instead of smashing nose first into the ground. Improvement, yay! Thanks for taking this journey with me.
6069996 As others have noted, this chapter was quite strong because it gave us what was missing the last time around: resolution. Here, we get to see the natural consequences of recent - and not so recent - events play out, with the characters acclimating to the changes that they've gone through and integrating them into their daily lives. With this, this story has indeed achieved a graceful ending.
Particular props go to the subtle way that it was hinted that Applejack's underlying condition hasn't been resolved. While she simply said "she" instead of "The Night Mare" - and she's taking a more laid-back position in general - Applejack is not back to her old self. This was presented as one of those last-minute twists that give us a question mark after "The End" is shown. While this might end up like Fluttershy's remaining fang in "Bats" or the dark shadow seem in "Castle Mane-ia," it's enough for it to be there at all, particularly since it would have been easy to have Applejack be completely back to normal.
What I personally enjoyed the most, however, was seeing Fluttershy again. Of all of the Mane Six, she's gotten the least development in this series of stories (with Rarity being a close second), and I've been quite eager to see how she's been doing in the wake of her torture by that erinyes so long ago (what must have been months ago in-character). I have to say, her presentation here was truly excellent for how honest it was. Fluttershy has never been the most courageous of ponies, and it felt entirely true to her character - and the subject matter of recovering from such a traumatic experience - that she would only have made modest improvements since then. While she's able to function, she's quite clearly still haunted by it, with awful memories and phantom pains dogging her, even as she feels too insecure to ask for help.
As it was, it was a sweet moment when her friends (gently, thank goodness) pressed her to open up to them. The fact that she did so easily, instead of fighting back in an attempt to not remember/relive the experience, was a good sign. If she hadn't been able to even confront the memory of what happened without breaking down, I'd be far more worried about her. As it stands now, it'll likely be a long journey, but I think that Fluttershy will be okay.
Having purchased a house, it seems that Willow and Sunflower are here to stay, a lesson driven home by him about to be the newest student in Cheerilee's class. At least he's still with his beloved Sweetie Belle. That does remind me about some points I had with regards to the CMC, namely that I was pleasantly surprised that the story felt no need to shoehorn in Apple Bloom and Scootaloo getting their cutie marks like Sweetie Belle did. Parallelism, in narrative progression, isn't something I'm a very big fan of, so it was great to see the pattern between the three fillies being broken, particularly since their friendship was not.
That said, is Twilight even going to offer to turn AJ and the fillies - and possibly Sunflower and Willow - to their "Equestria" bodies? This is kind of a big deal for Scootaloo, but it never got resolved after Rainbow Dash brought it up, despite the magnitude of the talk they had. That lack of follow-through is a bit of a black mark on an otherwise-good ending. As it is, I expect that the rest of the party (with the possible exception of the cats) would want to reclaim their old forms sooner rather than later.
I found it rather amusing that the story shifted back to Twilight at the very end; the fact that she's been a non-character for virtually all of this story made it somehow appropriate that we see things from her perspective as the fic came to a close. Being an outsider gives her an overall view of things, allowing her to look at the whole sequence of events from an uninvolved perspective. The humor was heightened by an ironic twist as Twilight was all but groaning that her troubles with Everglow weren't over - ironic in the sense that Twilight was the one who got that particular ball rolling to begin with, in more ways than one. I could almost hear her thinking "here we go again!"
After all, Twilight has personally experienced how a dangerous sparkle can make the apple fall far from the tree.
I think your missing a be in there.
Also, might I have some more, Sir?
6070257 Typo shown the door.
6070234 It was a fun trip! The CMC pulled it together. Even after getting back from Everglow they saved the day by trailing after AJ and RD despite being told to go build a clubhouse and acting swiftly and decisively when things went bad. They are true friends, even if only one of them got a cutie mark right away.
I am more amused than annoyed that Lex and Sonata beat them all to returning to Equestrian forms.
Thanks for riding this train to the end with me.
6069975 Touche Mr. Author. Touche.
I'll understand if you don't write another sequel, but I will GLADLY read it if you write it. X3
I said it earlier in the story, but this was MUCH better paced throughout the story. It has wound down to a VERY neat ending, yet still left that delectable nibble that could be the start for another sequel, or we can just assume that Twilight succeeds if you don't write it. (Because Twilight. XD) So yeah, excellent job!
6076766 Hizzah for improvements! I may, or not. Only destiny knows.
6148136
Probably some kind of tree sap rats...
I loved this story. However, I'm not sure I could stand a sequel without Apples.
6159698 But we need to know what happened to the bullies!
6159707
Not I. Maybe you. Maybe some of your readers. I'm sure they'll learn something either by bleeding for it or in the clutches of the Purrsians that like young'uns so much. With Pinkie, they will most likely become some type of professional courtesan troupe.
AppleJack, the monster hunter.. i like the sound of that.
6349517 Hope you enjoyed the story!
6349722 I most definitely did, i tried reading the next one, but i just can't get into it. I blame it on my dislike of DT and SP, the bratty duo just rubs me the wrong way.
6349726 If you don't give them a chance, you're being as bad as they can be.
6349726 Just out of curiosity, what would you have preferred the story focus on, rather than the "adorabullies" (as I've heard them called)?
6353726
Applejack growing pickles, Twilight going through disco phase, Spike growing a spine, anythiiiiing.
But seriously, it's not the fact the brats are the focus of the story, they are simply doing too well. I'll probably read it anyway, since i like Davids writing.
6353779 I find your take on what's going on with the duo interesting. When you say "doing too well," can you expound upon that?
I ask because I'm not sure if I agree, but I'm not sure if I disagree either, and I'd like to hear more about how you came to that conclusion.
6354091 I did not get too far, but they seem to be waaaay too collected for a bunch of brats. At least CMCs had Applejack to keep them grounded, DT and SP seem to just go along with everything without too much fuss.
I mean for crying out loud, they shook off the murderous ghost episode like it was nothing, and did more stuff i will not mention due to spoilers like a bunch of pros.
6596460 Be sure to submit it to a bunch of applicable groups.
6696580 The Clinic for the Mentally Disturbed. If you didn't, it's eerily similar
6697370 Nope.
Well, it was funny and very good, but I managed to read it. I liked it congratulations. Too bad that Jackie left the schyte... Poor Schyte that is not wanted.
6818871 The artifact will recover.
6934803 "like" as in a like / thumbs-up. There were 99, I made # 100
6934827 Ah ha! Thank you kindly.
7056639 well thy said thy could not resurrect her at first i thought which is why i thought thy took her soul
7059330 oh, i made he pic myself. i wearing a airsoft mask that is a replica of the mask from bleach and im holding my ocarina, i went turned the contrast and sharpness up and changed a hue to red
7070822 well i guess but before WW 2 taxes whir at 10% maxim and how i see it if you don't pay taxes than you have more money to your self, and i think he fails to relies that, also if i lived in eqeus, why would i want to pay taxes when eh is rulling supremely and if he was the ruler than he would not be able to deal with every problem because he does not understand that thy do pass laws and have to deal with complaints and court to such a degree that something like helping everyone would not work and their would need to be tax collectors and a hole entire new part of government, that in mind, what of the tax collectors and people who run the government, do thy pay taxes and do thy get money from the government Evening tho thy don't pay tax? i like to believe that the crystal empire has much more people than it shows in the show and thy just make less buildings to simply things because reflecting back on the last episode, only a handful of pony's showed up for the crystallizing evening tho that its an empire unto itself with only 20 or o people living their is very unbelievable... idk how i got their but hopefully you can put the pieces together...oh and for a quote... No taxation without representation
7070917 As a note, I'm going to post my response to this in the comments for chapter 43, since I think that's where you meant to post this reply.
7071609 well if you want to go that way and how he was from equeus, than why did all the other ponys and kats get upset, when thy are upset he is definintaly in the wrong