The Internet Is A Dangerous Place
Fluttershy wiggled in her chair in an attempt to make herself comfortable. In front of her lied the tool of her romantic destiny.
A dating website.
Spike, being the technologically proficient dragon he was had immediately installed a computer room in the castle the moment Celestia unveiled them to the public. Within hours, the once wholesome land of Equestria was filled with downloadable pornography, pointless selfies and immoral chat rooms.
However, Fluttershy couldn’t help but see the silver lining when she received an advertisement for a hot new dating site, one which could hopefully save her from her life of loneliness and supression. Plus, it allowed her to meet ponies without having to actually talk to them. It was a dream come true!
“Thanks again for letting me use your computer, Spike,” Fluttershy said to the dragon standing next to her.
“No problem, Fluttershy,” he responded with a toothy grin. “I’m gonna go back to my room so you can have some privacy. Just come get me if you need my help.”
“Alright. I’ll do that.”
With a wave, Spike turned around and left the room, closing the door behind him. The click of the door lining with the frame signaled that it was time for Fluttershy to venture into the world of online dating.
“Okay, let me see here.” She flipped through the various options on the screen, trying to see what all there was to see. Spike had helped her make an account, complete with a cute profile picture and all, under the name ‘FlutterFriend’. So at least that part was out of the way. Now she just had to wait to see if anyone was interested.
Then it started.
A soft dinging noise from the speakers signaled the arrival of a chat notification.
“Oh! Oh my…”
Flutteshy was part excited and part terrified to click on the chat box. What if it was somepony really nice? What if somepony decided to send her a rude message? Those and a million other possibilities floated through her mind as she cautiously clicked on the notification.
“Here we go,” she squeaked, trying to hide behind her mane from the computer screen.
“Hey there!”
Fluttershy blinked a few times and read the line over in her head. This user didn’t seem particularly offensive. His username was rather silly, actually. A red and black alicorn.
She decided to throw caution to the wind and typed out her response.
“Umm, hello.”
“How are you?”
“I’m okay. How are you?”
“I’m awesome.”
Fluttershy could feel a small smile forming on her lips. So far, so good. He seemed nice, and she hadn’t said anything stupid yet.
“So, I couldn’t help but notice how beautiful you were. I just had to talk to you.”
Fluttershy’s cheeks flamed up as she read the last line. Somepony thought she was beautiful?
“Beautiful? Thank you.”
“No prob. I just call it like I see it.”
Fluttershy giggled lightly and a full smile formed across her lips. This was going far better than she expected.
“Oh, well thank you. I’m sure you’re quite attractive as well, Mr. Alicorn.”
“Attractive? Yep. Like a chocolate bar at fat camp.”
“Haha!”
So, I have a pretty important question for you, FlutterFriend.”
Fluttershy felt her heart stop for a moment. A question?
“Umm, yes? I’ll answer if I can.”
“Are you injured?”
“Injured? Um, no. Why?”
“Well, you know, it must have been a pretty long fall from heaven.”
Fluttershy’s heart jumped in the air. That was the single corniest, yet sweet thing she had ever heard.
“Hehe, oh my goodness, that was so sweet..”
“Not as sweet as you.”
“Wow, you’re so kind. Thank you.”
“So, on a different subject, I couldn’t help but notice you’re a pegasus.”
“Um, yes, that’s correct.”
“I guess that’s because you’re just so fly.”
Once again, Fluttershy found herself grinning like a fool.
“Oh, no. I’m really not all that.”
“Sure you are. Actually, I have a kind of serious question to ask you now.”
“Okay, go ahead.”
“Is it okay if I right-click your picture on the screen? Kuz I’d really like to inspect your element...if you know what I mean.”
Fluttershy’s blush intensified and the sweet feeling she had faded ever so slightly.
“Umm, inspect my element? What do you mean?”
“Oh, too much? Okay, forget that. But I do have a real question for you.”
“Alright. What is it?”
“It says you live in Ponyville. So, if I ever come visit, would you be open to hanging out?”
“Hanging out? Oh, uhh, sure!”
“Awesome! It’ll be you, me… and my friend Dee.”
“Dee?”
“Deez Nuts!”
Fluttershy felt a heat wave go across her face and her jaw hit the floor.
“Excuse me?”
"You heard me baby. You know you want some of this alicock!"
Fluttershy flushed an even darker shade of red than before.
"Oh, oh my. I think you might have gotten a wrong impression of me. I’m not that kind of mare.”
“Yeah, but c’mon. Having sex with you would make me feel FlutterHigh!"
"Hm, I'm sorry, that's just really not the type of thing that I do..."
Fluttershy slammed her hoof into her face. She should have figured someone like this would have come along. Unfortunately she was just too nice to leave the chat.
“Oh, really? Well how about this? What’s red and black and white all over?”
“Umm..”
“You... after tonight. ;)”
Fluttershy couldn’t even look at the screen anymore. Instead she leapt from her chair and dashed out the door, seeking to find the nearest object she could hide behind.
Online dating was not for her.
Meanwhile, in the distant kingdom of Canterlot, sat a beautiful white alicorn. Her regal hair flowing behind her as a devious smile crept across her face.
“Celestia, why are you still in front of that computer. We have work to do?”
Celestia turned around to see her sister, Luna, giving her a stern glare.
“No reason. I’ll be right there.”
With one last snicker, Celestia logged out of her account and followed her sister out of the room.
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Monstrosity I think this is truly a fic of beauty wonder and enlightenment
it's so cheesy that it's brilliant. brilliant i say.
I puked so much I began to puke rainbows.
It's sad that if you ever read a black and red alicorn fic this will be the best one you ever find. Great job Famous I bet you still have SOME dignity after writing this.
This story is so ridiculous I have no choice to read it...
...but something this weird has to be saved for midnight. After guzzling down a few Dr. Peppers.
5699867 taste the rainbow. puke the rainbow.
5701407 nah. I helped him out on that, but I did fav. this.
5702577 got a laugh out of it, but can't laugh a whole lot at the moment.
oh my fucking god
i loved this but it needs to be said that my facepalm was so intense it did a 180.
basically i slapped my computer.
At least Celestia didn't use any of these lines.
What is this I dont even
God that chat, those terrible awful pick-up lines.
I don't know what I expected, but that ending made me bust a gut. Excellent. You've earned an upvote and fave. If this story means you lose your dignity, then I say it was worth it.
5700809
You should check out Twilight Turns Into A Red And Black Alicorn for one that plays it perfectly straight.
Also, GG, Famous. You trooper.
5703052 I never turn down a challenge. I'm aware the editing is horrendous, but about halfway through, I realised I had only 15 minutes to finish it. It was not pretty.
Aww...just like Lucifer.
That was great
I hope you are proud of yourself
*Claps slowly*
That...was hilarious.
"Lied" has nothing to do with position. This should be lay.
As for the story itself, pretty interesting. The grammar mistake right at that beginning did throw me off a bit.
This is beautiful.
5702769 My favorite:
Waaaaa
This is beautifully horrendous.
I love it.
i.imgur.com/DN5cjgJ.png
5703606
I laughed for about five minutes after reading that.
She strikes again!
If Fluttershy can immediately be bought over by chatup lines like those, then I wonder how Mr. Alicorn would fare against Rarity.
DONUT STTEEEEAAAAAALLL!!!
Why do you do this, why?
Just wanted to throw that out before I read it.
-The Character
Trollestia ftw
One word describes this fic:
Win.
Bwahahahaha
Poor Flutters
Bad Celi!
Dear author: Have a like and a moustache
Loved this! Priceless!
This makes me imagine Celestia doing it not for fun, but because she knows of all the potential dangers of online dating. Thus she tries to dissuade everypony form using it in a roundabout approach, so they instead go out and date the old fashion style.
But let's not overanalyze. Occam's razor says it's just because
Read it. Enjoyed it. Nearly made a fool of myself literally laughing out loud.
congrats on your placement man. well done.
DEATH TO BAD OC'S!!!
5707368 I have to yet to use my real OC, Poptart (see avatar) in a story. Lol, instead I opt for these horrid meta things.
In my book to be a bad oc. The oc has to be colored red, black and optionally white
5707368 Unfortunately, you will find none here.
Beating Celestia with a stick might work, though.
5703052 I've already read that story and I do agree it is quite good, but I think this is the best only because I was laughing my ass off through it.
Wow Celestia you butt
"Actually, a swarm of butterflies caught me"
pinkie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw1475_medium.jpg
5703746 togif.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/django.gif
I did NOT see that ending coming! XD
fc01.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2014/069/4/0/dancing_rainbow_get_out_frog__deal_with_it_edition_by_caly_boy-d79nc4c.gif
You are the tuna to my casserole.
5864424 The fries to the bottom of the McDonalds bag.
Alternative ending.
derpicdn.net/img/2014/1/13/523732/thumb.png