Mare Code
Chapter One: Mare Code
As much as Applejack loved the work she did at Sweet Apple Acres, she dreaded the aftermath of working from ten to twelve hours straight. Her body ached, she struggled to walk, and was so thirsty not even the water tower in Ponyville could quench her thirst. Luckily, she had ways to help drown out the pain without, thankfully, actually drowning herself.
Applejack kicked back on the pillow she currently sat on in the library and took another sip of her cold beer. While not as good as her home made cider, beer never had a “season” in which it was appropriate to make. It went with, well, everything, and at any time. Especially at a time like tonight, where the only thing on her mind was her drink and her friends.
“Fluttershy, I do believe it is your turn this week,” Rarity’s voice spoke up, dragging Applejack from her relaxation.
“Oh, um… I-I’m not so sure…” Fluttershy stammered, setting down her juice box.
“Please, darling, we all agreed that we would take turns telling stories of our first flings. We’ve all gone but you.”
Applejack coughed, clearing the mucus in her throat. “Come now Rare, if ‘Shy don’t wanna tell us about it, she don’t have to.”
“She did agree to it, AJ,” Rainbow Dash said, slamming her beer bottle onto the table a tad hard. “If she didn’t want to, she would have said so then. She’s just nervous.” She laughed. “Twi sure was.”
“Hey now, that’s not fair!” Twilight said, setting down her wine cooler with more gentleness. “You’ve all had other friends to get together with when you were younger. This has been my honest to goodness first real mare talk I’ve ever had. You all have had more experience with it.”
“It helps when you’ve also got older sisters to tell stories with!” Pinkie Pie smiled through her swiggle straw, sipping away at her rum and soda.
“Seriously, Pinks, how do you hold all that alcohol? It ain’t natural,” Rainbow Dash said, watching as the low ball glass was quickly drained of its liquid.
“It’s a gift!” Pinkie said, popping the two ice cubes into her mouth and chewing on them.
Applejack shuddered, amazed how a pony who ate so much sweets still had teeth strong enough to actually chew ice.
“All I had was my brother, and even then by the time colts started getting my attention, I was at Celestia’s side as her new student.”
Rarity’s ears perked up at that. “So, did you and the Princess ever…” Rarity stopped, rolling her hoof in the air. “Talk about them? Together I mean.”
“Well, there was that one time she told me about her first special somepony.”
Rarity set down her glass of wine and clopped her hooves together in excitement.
“Well go on dear, don’t keep a friend waiting. Do tell! Do tell!”
“Hey, we have an order system, remember?” Rainbow Dash cut in. “You had your turn.”
“That’s true. And besides, I don’t think the Princess would appreciate me gossiping of something so personal.”
“Goes to show ya she had a lot of trust in ya, Twi,” Applejack said with a smile.
“Yeah yeah, okay can we get back to Fluttershy?” Rainbow Dash asked, then took another swig of her beer.
“I do think you’ve had enough time to compose yourself, dear.”
“Well, o-okay,” Fluttershy said, sitting up straighter on her pillow.
All the girls, save Fluttershy, sat up straight as well, placing their forehooves on the circle table they sat around. All the ponies gave their fullest attention to Fluttershy as she stared at her juice box.
“W-well, it was sometime after me and Rainbow got into high school at Cloudsdale High. He was a nice colt, same grade as us. He’d even helped me pick up my books once when some of the meaner fillies knocked them out of my hooves.”
“He sounds really nice,” Twilight said with a smile.
“Oh, he was. We’d bump into each other all the time at lunch, and he’d apologize and I’d apologize and he’d laugh about it but then Dash would pull me away because she couldn’t stand such ‘sappy stuff’ as she put it. But, as time went on, well…” Fluttershy stopped a moment to sip at her juice, then continued. “Somepony started a rumor about me.”
Rainbow Dash slapped her forehead. “Oh jeez, not the rumor. It was the rumor, wasn’t it?”
“What rumor?” Rarity asked, taking another lady-like sip of her wine.
“It was when I learned my first friendship lesson, pre-Twilight coming to Ponyville,” Dash said, ears laying flat.
“Are you saying-”
“I screwed up. I started a dumb rumor about Fluttershy as a joke, but before lunch the rumor spread throughout the entire school. She was laughed at and picked on real hardcore from then on out. It was… my fault.” Dash took a sip of her beer, ears laying flat as her eyes looked to the table.
“Dears, may I ask, what was the rumor?”
“That I was, um.. a…” Fluttershy muttered quietly.
“A what?” Applejack asked.
“A filly fooler.” Rainbow finished for her friend.
All the ponies were quiet, except for Pinkie Pie who continued to suck through her straw at her empty glass.
“I’m sorry, Fluttershy, if we brought something up you’d rather not speak about... I didn’t realize that-” Twilight was cut off.
“I’m not though, nor was I.” Fluttershy let out a sigh. “But the rumor pretty much destroyed any hopes I’d had of asking him out.”
“I felt so bad after that…” Rainbow Dash said.
She gave a start when Fluttershy leaned over and hugged her. Dash simply patted Fluttershy’s back, not speaking anymore on the subject.
“So!” Rarity broke the tension in the room. “Is there anypony now you’ve got your eyes on?”
Applejack rolled her eyes. Here we go.
“Oh, um, well, there is somepony, but you all already know from last time.”
“Oh, right. That,” Rarity said.
Pinkie Pie giggled. “Oh boy, how could I ever forget that night!”
Rainbow Dash snorted a laugh, then opened another beer. “Tell me about it.”
“That was rather informative,” Twilight agreed.
Applejack looked around the room at her friends, confused. “I don’t get it. What’re y’all talkin’ about?”
Everypony froze stiff, Fluttershy dropping below the table with a “oops”.
“Wait a tic, y’all have one of these get togethers without me?” Applejack asked.
“Well, kiiiiiinda,” Rainbow Dash said, avoiding eye contact with her farmer friend.
“There was a good reason for it though, dear.” Rarity stepped in. “I asked everypony to come to my botique some time ago to have a… mare talk about something.”
“And I wasn’t invited because…?”
“Because it pertained to you. Well, not you you, but your family.”
“What in the hay does my family have to do with mare talk?”
“More like one member of your family, specifically,” Twilight said, trying to hide a faint blush with her wine cooler.
Applejack stared at her friends, all looking away at anything else. The gears in her head began turning, but she wasn’t exactly sure of the product being made.
“Hold on a tic,” she said, the pieces on the assembly line forming a shape. A big, muscular, red shape. “Are y’all sayin’ Fluttershy has a crush on my brother?” Applejack chuckled. “It’s no big deal, I can rightfully understand it with Fluttershy bein’ all quiet like.”
Rainbow Dash was the first to react, nearly spitting up her mouth full of beer. Fluttershy was now completely under the table. Twilight chugged the rest of the contents in her canned wine cooler. Rarity began fanning herself with a sly grin. And lastly, Pinkie Pie was sitting back with her rum and cola, and an evil grin on her face.
Then, and only then did Applejack’s face of surprise go to pure horror.
“YOU ALL HAVE A CRUSH ON MY BROTHER?”
“I wouldn’t say a crush, dear,” Rarity said, resting a hoof on Applejack’s shoulder.
“Fluttershy does,” Rainbow blurted out, causing a meep from the other pegasus in the room.
“Rainbow Dash! That is no way to say such a delicate matter like somepony’s crush. I’m shocked at your behavior.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Dash went back to her beer, taking another swig.
“So wait, y’all don’t have a thing for my brother then?”
“Eenope,” Pinkie mocked in a low voice. “We all want some of that Big Mac.”
Applejack blinked.
“That’s no way to put it either, Pinkie Pie. Darling, see, the thing is… well…” Rarity began to stammer at her orange friend’s glare.
“Applejack, we’re all mares. Adults. You must understand that.” Twilight took over the reins, a fresh wine cooler floating in her magic. “And so is your brother. It isn’t teleportation magic, Applejack. Your brother has a lot of features that catches a mare’s eye.”
“I know that!” Applejack spat. “I’m just upset y’all had some sorta secret meetin’ about him, without me.”
“Well, I don’t think you wanted to hear us talk about his… characteristics,” Rarity said with a sip of her wine.
“Or how good of a flank he’s got!” Pinkie said, causing Rarity to nearly spit her wine back out. “I wonder if he works out...”
“Of course he does, Pinks. All he does is buck apples all day,” Rainbow said. “He just walks up to a tree, turns those hard, rippling flanks towards it, tenses his muscles, and swiftly kicks with the power of-”
“Rainbow Dash! You can stop now, please!” Twilight said, fighting to keep her wings folded.
Rainbow Dash failed to notice that her own wings were fully erect, so she downed the rest of her beer to try and cool herself off. When did it get so warm?
All the while Applejack slacked back into her pillow, staring at nothing in particular as she tried to ignore her friends practically drooling over her brother. She wasn’t sure how much more of this she could take, so she took another swig of her beer.
“Applejack? Are you okay?” Fluttershy asked, taking a seat next to her.
“Honestly ‘Shy? I dunno. I shouldn’t be surprised, and yet I am.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. If it helps, I can, um, stop having a crush on your brother.”
Applejack looked to her friend with an earnest smile. “Nah ‘Shy, ya don’t gotta do that. It’s just, well…”
“Oh, and how his sweat just trickles across his chest when plowing?” Rarity said with a shudder.
Applejack took another swig of her beer. “I don’t wanna be hearing this.”
“Hey, you brought this upon yourself,” Rainbow Dash said with a grin.
“I did not! Y’all are the ones havin’ secret meetings about my brother! Look, it don’t matter none. If Fluttershy has a crush on my brother, then fine. I won’t stand in her way if she musters up the courage to ask him out,” Applejack said, closing her eyes and folding her forelegs across her chest.
“Wait, what?” Fluttershy stammered.
“Well, technically she has to wait her turn.”
Applejack opened her left eye, glaring at Rarity. “Beg yer pardon?”
“See, Applejack, while you understand what transpired at our little meeting, you’ve not been told the actual reason for it being held in the first place,” Rarity said.
“What?” Applejack deadpanned.
“To put it quite bluntly, or honestly in your case dear, I wanted to know if any of the other girls had a thing for Big Macintosh. I’ve been having some… thoughts as of late, after I got turned down by Fancy Pants a few weeks ago.”
“She didn’t want to step on any hooves, in case one of us possibly had the same idea,” Twilight added.
“Quite right, dear. So, one thing lead to another, and as it turned out, we all did!”
“Aaaand that’s when Rarity went all mare code on us,” Rainbow Dash said with a humph.
“What’s that mean?” Applejack asked.
“Well, other than Fluttershy having more of a crush than the rest of us, we all seemed rather equal on our feelings for him, so being the hostess of the get-together, I suggested that if the chance ever arose of Macintosh ever becoming available, I would go first.”
“She called dibs!” Pinkie Pie shouted, slamming her empty lowball glass onto the table. All the mares looked to her in shock. “And according to mare code, once a friend calls dibs, you can’t do anything until she admits defeat and gives up, allowing the next mare to go.”
“I did not call dibs, Pinkie Pie.”
“Oh you sooooo totally did. You even had that sly grin on your face. THERE! That one! Right there!” Pinkie pointed an accusing hoof at Rarity.
Rarity tried her best to hide it, but she did have a smirk on her face.
“I don’t believe it,” Applejack said, tossing her empty beer bottle behind her. “It’s like he’s just a big hunk of meat.” All her friends let out a snicker. “I DIDN’T MEAN IT LIKE THAT!” Applejack shouted, frustration building as she slapped her forehead with a hoof and dragged it slowly down her face.
“Look, Applejack, if you want us to stop, we will,” Twilight said. “Right girls?”
Everypony nodded, giving her sincere looks. If Applejack was honest with herself like she was with everypony else, would she believe that if she said it?
No… I wouldn’t... Applejack thought intently. She looked across the table at her friends. Their smiles showed sincerity, but their eyes, oh how they showed the truth. The heat, the desire they held within; there would be no stopping them. If she was to nip this thing in the bud, it needed to happen sooner than later before things could drag out and escalate.
Whether it was due to the alcohol or simply a brain fart, she didn’t know, but finally an idea came to Applejack. She laughed a good, hearty laugh, all the while her friends giving her confused looks.
“Whatever is the matter, Applejack?” Rarity asked.
“Oh, nothin’, I’m just tryin’ ta imagine any of you gals successfully wooing my brother.” She let out another laugh.
“What, are you saying we can’t?” Rainbow Dash smacked her forehooves on the table.
“Well, I’m sayin’ that if any of you gals could manage to seduce my brother, y’all would have done it by now.”
“Now Applejack, we didn’t say-” Twilight began.
“I beg your pardon, Applejack,” Rarity cut off, a hoof raised to her chest, “But are you saying that you believe none of us beautiful, eye catching mares could attract your brother?” She raised a brow, curious.
Applejack gave a sly grin. “Oh, I’d love to see you try…”
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Lets face it, Fluttershy has to win. Mainly because that's my favourite ship, but she still has to win.
You know what?
troll.me/images/i-resemble/i-resemble-that-remark-thumb.jpg
hmm... needs more
Plot twist.
He's gay.
High school all over again.
#AlcoholicPoniesAreBestPonies
5242871 Wrong. Why would he need any of those mares when he has Luna.
derpicdn.net/img/view/2013/9/20/430999__safe_princess+luna_shipping_comic_big+macintosh_kissing_idw_official_spoiler-colon-comic_balloon.png
The way that Applejack is talking indicates that she is playing with a loaded deck. The punchline isn't going to be that he's a bit, this way that way, is it? Could be good for a laugh though, and puts me in mind of this...
Only reason I read this is because I wanted to know who went first, and if it was going into a certain "I" word situation. If I was Applejack, I'd have walked out and been like:
derpicdn.net/img/view/2014/10/23/748683__safe_applejack_animated_screencap_edit_vulgar_angry_too+many+pinkie+pies_waving.gif
Sorry Angry AJ is hot.
5242921 That's why it's a plot twist.
5242696
I kindly disagree, sir or madam, for it is my ship - that is, the noble TwiMac - that has to win! *sips tea*
(I'm not really arguing, please don't take me seriously, I don't want a shipfight oh NOOOOOOO!!!!)
I'll be disappointed if it turns out he's gay, it's too predictable and a bit of a cop out. I'm hoping for something funnier when we figure out why everyone fails.
Pinkie Pie doesn't count on account of her being possibly related to the Apple Family.
5242696
Well, the way this first chapter is set up, with Fluttershy being the only one who is supposedly more than just attracted to him, as well as having the traumatic backstory, it certainly does seem as if she should "win" if any of them are to be successful.
My only criticism would be that, while Rarity isn't always the most shining example of her element, I really don't think she'd call or keep dibs on a guy knowing that Fluttershy had stronger feelings for him. Nor would any of the others. So the fact that they all believe that she does makes things feel off some.
Other than that, it's a fun set up for a story and I look forward to seeing Applejack sabotage their attempts!
5243139 Oh snap, this is so on. Let the ship fight commence...
static3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20111226065745/starwars/images/3/34/SpaceWarfare-SWGMB.jpg
Actually it is. I read somewhere once that light eyed people (like Pinkie) can consume more alcohol than dark eyes people (like Rainbow Dash.)
5243165
Dude, they're like... sixth cousins or some shit. Still fair game.
OK, this story seems like an interesting read.
Okay, due to the humor in this story, I will break my rule, and favorite this story after only one chapter. I loved this chapter. The grammar was great. The description of Mac a superb. Also Rarities trickery was awesome. To end this review, I'll say this. CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!!!!!
5243143 Plot twist #1: He is the stallion of a herd already... with Princesses Celestia and Luna.
Plot twist #2: He is dating Queen Chrysalis.
Plot twist #3: He's 100% ASEXUAL.
Plot twist #4: He is actually a robot made by the same ponies who make the Sweetie-Bot line of fillies.
Plot twist #5: Step one) Steals all the underwear in Ponyville; Step two) ??? ; Step three) PROFIT!!!
Nopony knows it, but ever since the love potion incident, there's only one filly that drives Bic Mac silly....
i1063.photobucket.com/albums/t510/lmclecm/c1eb00dfc00b611a1b6d5be8d4c4d8f4_zps6d2f4af7.jpg
Yes, it's one of those May-August kinda things, but she knows how to make him laugh!
Lol I am partial to PinkieMac so we will see if she gets a fair shot. As for being "related" they are so distant that it does not even matter. Heck there are probably people in your hometown that you do not even know at all more closely related than Pinkie and Big Mac.
laslow.net/reactiongifs/Batch02/Duh%20duh%20DUUUUUH!.gif
V
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V
laslow.net/reactiongifs/Batch02/Beatdown.gif
V
laslow.net/reactiongifs/Batch02/Head%20Explode.gif
I have somehow managed to fail this level. Does anyone have a spare Quarter that I might use to try again?
A Cough and a puff of smoke came out from under the table with an "Awe COME ON!"
"At your service !"
"Dropped a cufflink?"
"Oh Spikey!"
5242921
Big Mac's expression just screams "Whoa! Cover the chubby!"
5242696 That is where you are wrong.
Woona must win.
fc06.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2012/010/9/7/woona_by_staticwave12-d4lw5ol.png
The apple juice represents Big Mac.
5242976
Woona x Mac
th05.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/i/2013/160/c/0/big_mac_and_luna_yay_by_ceceliaa-d68ds41.png
And then, when the dust was settled, the Mane Six behold as Big Mac had a merry walk with Cherilee just chatting away (or as much chatting as Big Mac does). Then again, not my story. THE CHALLENGE IS ON! ONWARD NOBLE MARES! ONWARD TO THE GLORY OF THE BATTLEFIELD THAT IS LOVE! ASSEMBLE YON GENERALS OF ROMANCE! PREPARE THE SIEGE OF COURTSHIP!
This!
IS!
COMEDY!
5244599 I have a few simple words for you friend.
Woona Steals Mac, Just Like Cookies
fc08.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2013/270/a/1/woona_spy_by_ende26-d6o8903.jpg
5243240
Bring it!
images.sodahead.com/profiles/0/0/2/6/3/0/5/8/7/Star-Trek-vs-Star-Wars-70343301248.jpeg#Star%20Trek%20vs%20Star%20Wars
5244599
Know that together, that we did it all for the GLORY OF LOVE!!!!
Oh, wait... that's Peter Cetera...
Twist: He's just a REALLY BIG colt.
5242871 Whats wrong with being gay?
Plot Twist, he has been banning Luna the entire time.
Challenge... ACCEPTED!!!! But in all honesty, poor A.J.
Me: I like Mac too. He's like a big, juicy red apple with no (metaphorical) bruises. I'd totally date a guy like that.
AJ:
5244633 NEVAH!!!
5245766 u just replied to your own comment confused wat
5245871 I was inferring to the amount of downvotes in said comment.
The glove has been thrown down!
FlutterMac for the win!
Or he could simply reject all 5 of them because all 5 of them have quite a few issues themselves:
Twilight has OCD.
RD demands ego worship, and has tribalist tendencies.
Fluttershy is introverted and asocial, not to mention that she has a hidden temper.
Rarity tends to micromanage whenever she can, and also has quite a large ego.
And Pinkie Pie is a schizophrenic.
I know I wouldn't date any of them, not even AJ (quite the workaholic, and is a helicopter parent).
5243240
"Day 237 of the Brony Shipping War. I don't even know why I'm fighting anymore. So much flaming. So much name calling. And why?
The FlutterMacs are closing in for the assault. They have the most to lose. Or prove. I'm not sure which it is, all I know is that they fight the most fiercely of all the shippers in the name of the shy one. We managed to throw them through a loop with FlutterBulk, but their most determined warriors slaughtered their own like wild dogs - culling the weak links to enforce their strongest, it seems. Savages. The RainbowMacs have been blindsiding everyone for weeks with surprise attacks, and I often lose sleep for fear I will awake with Flash Sentry pictures posted around my room - certain death among my comrades. The PinkieMacs have begun to fall apart; a double agent got inside and managed to destabalize them from the inside with implications of incest, and I am not sure they will last another week before they either flee the battle field, are assimilated, or make for a suicidal final strike. The RariMacs are what scare me most, however... they sit idly outside the battlefield, not fighting, not picking sides... I'm almost certain they're waiting for a winner to be known, so that they may encroach and destroy what remains.
I hear someone outside. Someone I did not anticipate. This maybe my last entry..."
Clearly, all the mares will fail, because MacinBulk is in town. Surely we can get one of the local fetish writers to do up a companion muscle worship piece?
Plot twist: there's already an apple of Big Mac's eye.
/MacJack: shipcest is wincest!
5246230 now I'm gonna have to write a Mac n' Cheese ship fic.
5246098
Ahahaha
, at least there aren't any Flash x Mac ships here... Is that even a thing? Actually don't answer that, i don't want to know.
Absolutely ridiculous; more, please.
5246098 Best comment, par none.
I am beginning to wonder just how much of a shit storm I can brew with this fic...
5246531
DO IT!!!!
5247509
BATTEN DOWN THE HATCHES!
(.....heck, you could have an alternate ending for each! OR just never mention it like an evil.....little....
don't you dare.)