It was over. The Dazzlings were defeated in the Battle Of The Bands by the Sonic Rainbooms. The necklaces shattered, shattering their lives. Their self-concept was also shattered. Their music career was over. They thought they would never sing again.
Suddenly, Twilight Sparkle returns to the Equestria Girls universe to meet up with Sunset Shimmer. Both noticing the Dazzlings have changed, they offer them a deal. A deal to go back to Equestia to start over. To get their necklaces repaired and drained of their evil magic. To become ponies again. A second chance.
Upon returning to Equestria, the Dazzlings meet a pony named Sapphire Shores. She also loved to sing. Will she help these ponies truly redeem themselves and get them back to singing again?
Well, this certainly has potential, but I don't think I'll be tracking it. This looks like it could use a ton of editing, and I noticed quite a few things that were out of place, not to mention the entire story seemed too fast-paced. I don't want to drag your spirits down, but you really need an editor. As I said before, this has a ton of potential, but editing is key.
I'm tracking. From one solo writer to another, it is hard to do these things alone.
Trust me when I say this, just because a person seems mean doesn't mean they aren't nice. One kid back when I was in elementary school always bullied me till one day I brought a football to school. Once he found out I liked playing sports me and the other kids found out that he was actually a nice guy. Heck he became an actual friend in the same week.
>Rainbow being the most trusting out of any of them, though everyone is being about as gullible as a five-year-old
What is this, Opposite Day?
They're all being naive, gullible, and downright idiotic for trusting the sirens within the space of minutes, but Rainbow is by far the most obvious here. No matter how many 'good deeds' the sirens do in front of them to try and impress them, it's pretty much guaranteed based on what we've seen of them that they're doing it with an ulterior motive.
Adagio is a devious leader and chessmaster whose every action is premeditated, and every single one of the Rainbooms (and Sunset Shimmer in particular, since she used to have the very same mentality and would have some idea of Adagio's game) shouldn't be anywhere near this trusting to such devious villains.
Even if they really have changed in some way (ex. the amulets mind-controlling them to commit villainy, thus being in as much of a spell as everyone else), the Rainbooms shouldn't trust the Dazzlings so absurdly quickly.
...yeah, this is coming across as a bit rushed. There's lots of stories that have cropped up about the Dazzlings attempting to reform (or actually reforming), and they've taken their time with it. I'm not calling this a bad story, but I do think this could use some rethinking. And editing - you jumped a lot between present tense and past tense.
Off to a good start so far. Hopefully chapter 2 adds a little more drama in the Dazzlings good deeds quest to get their new pendants.
Nice premise, yet I couldn't help but feel this is rushed. Good luck for the future chapters though. :)
I JUST finished watching RR, and I immediately looked up fanfics about them.
Favoriting, upvoting, and if you want me as an editor, just ask!
Again with Twilight refusing her friends to come along. Seems to me she wants to hog the human versions to herself. Twilight, Learn to SHARE!
OMG!! I want to- No, I need to know what happens!
MOAR!!!
Loving this so far :) More please! x
Yes!
liked and faved!
Ha, Rainbow! I'm younger than you, I stay up until 4, and yet I'm barely drowsy!
Cute.
Though I do hope they don't turn into sirens again.
Please continue.
5523625
Don't worry! A new chapter is coming together soon!
5523813 THANK YOU!
I'm surprised the Dazzlings are already getting a head start on their music career. Not bad though, I like it.
5720164
Thanks. New chapter will be up tomorrow
5720585 Awesome.
Quick question what types of ponies are the dazzlings
5815892
Earth ponies
5815895 ok
...that was fast
Can you add me as a Siren in Equestria Girls, If you don't know what I look like let me describe myself to you, In the Story I should be female, In reality I'm actually a boy. In the story I have brown hair going straight to my neck and blue eyes, and a tanish brown skin. I also hate Justin Bieber so I said "I don't love Justin Bieber!" And for don't love I put a heart with a shattered line through it. And on my Pants my pants says "Grumpy Cat!". So can you make it happen please if you don't know the link, here's the link. http://braden697.deviantart.com/art/Female-Braden-EQG-584107073
It was fast as light.
You know Adagio went the longest by not speaking something innuendo out of her mouth.