• Member Since 1st May, 2013
  • offline last seen 48 minutes ago

Knight Breeze


Just your average gaming geek/college student. I study computer science, play pathfinder, and write stories, and have a patreon!

Sequels1

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This is the first book of The Humanity Within Trilogy. Its sequel is What I've Done.

I wasn't always like this, a monster, running through the woods on an alien planet. I was once a man. I had dreams, a girlfriend, and a great job.
Then They came. In the middle of the night, They scooped me from my home, and... changed me.

Now I'm a beast, a demon the like of which the world I've become stranded on has never seen before, scraping by on the fringes of society, hiding from the natives, and doing my best to avoid notice.

After all, who could ever be friends with a monster?

Cover Image done by the very talented PaintSplotch! You can find his FimFic account here.
And here is his DeviantArt Account!
Now 100% approved by Twilight's Library!
Mad props to my prereaders:
ThatPonyWithASword.
Admiral Applejack.
JXWheeler

Chapters (15)
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Comments ( 1955 )

I'm no satanist

I think you mean sadist:twilightblush:

Ok.
You have my attention.
Do not disappoint me.

4872223 Thanks for the catch! I actually did mean sadist.:pinkiehappy:

I enjoyed it. It seems that every once in a while, those groups will have something I'd like to read show up.

Trees. Masters of the long game. Wonder how many points Carrot Top was worth.

Please write more :pinkiehappy:
Even if this is just a practice thing, I still hope for more! :scootangel:

4872232 I will do my best not to disappoint.:pinkiehappy:

4872238 It was the first thing that popped into my head:rainbowlaugh:

4872274 I'll try, but as I said, this is really more of a side thing while I try to work through my writer's block:pinkiesad2:. you might see some more soon though:pinkiehappy:

I'm very intrigued. Go on:raritystarry:

Believe me, I understand how it feels to have writer's block bad on something, so you write something else to relieve it. I wonder what happened to "Once-A-Human" here, but I guess I'll be waiting a while on that. Don't see any glaring errors, and the story looks promising. At the very least, it seems like a good hook.

You better not let this die, I cannot handle the disappointment that failing to update this would cause me. And if I am upset with you, you know you are fucked (I have ways).

~Crystalline Electrostatic~

Very well written! Please try to have writer's block more often! :twilightblush:

I have to wonder though... is our unnamed protagonist's appearance based off anything? He sounds familiar...

4872611 I have a picture in my head, but I was unable to find it when I went looking. I honestly have no clue where the original design came from, but as soon as someone finds it I'll credit the design. Until someone has pointed me in the right direction though, I'm taking all the credit.:pinkiehappy:

4872661

:rainbowlaugh: Fair enough. It's just bugging me a bit because I swear I've seen something like what you described! :raritydespair:

GIVE ME MORE!!!:flutterrage:

4872407

more soon

more

yesssssss

very good...

Oh crapbaskets.

:rainbowlaugh:

Ah... he's a monster, but he's a NICE monster. I like this.

4872661 He kinda sounds like one of the Xenomorph variants with the whole "slimy flesh," and "ribcage sticking out from his barrel" thing. And the super long claws thing... I'm not trying to troll, just can't remember which movie had the xeno that sounds similar to this.


4872746
4872661
you know he kind of sounds like he got turned into a ghoul or some other demonic thing. Yeah i know what you guys mean about the image thing

I'm no sadist, so I ended its suffering with one swift stroke of my claw to its neck, killing it instantly.

Please don't. No kill is an instant kill unless it severely damages the cerebellum or the top of the spine - any kill unlike that will lead to a ton of twitching and kicking.

And how do these foot-long claws not bend at his fingers? Furthermore, how does he retract them through three separate joints?

4873553 If it wasn't clear at this point, he isn't a natural creature anymore. Also, the shot to the neck severed the head. I simply do not like describing that level of gory detail.

4873553
There is enough oxygen in the blood in the skull to keep a decapitated head alive for 10-15 seconds after being removed. Unless the brain is instantly and massively damaged by the attack, even guaranteed kills are not merciful in that sense...

4874539 Except said head isn't coherent or even conscious. Too much of a shock upon the severing of so much tissue.

4874544
Maybe, but that shock doesn't stop the brain from functioning (somewhat) for a time after the fact. That they even have time to go into shock is the problem.

4874579 I think you're missing the point here. It doesn't matter how long you are alive for after your head is severed. what matters is what the character thinks. he's not a doctor or a vet, nor has he spent much time studying anatomy. His grand total knowledge of how the body works is his first aid merit badge. since he doesn't know all of that stuff, and the text was from the first person view, he thought he was being merciful.

4872661 The picture I got in my head is something similar to the Rake

4874779 That is very similar, but its missing a few details (such as the claws on the feet, the spines on the back, and the long, interlocking teeth.) However, I don't think the idea came from the rake because this is the first time I've heard of this paticular creepypasta.

Interest peaked, I don't think I've seen this exact concept of body modification to a nightmarish apex predator. Let's see where this'll go, even if those updates will be long coming :twilightsmile:

4874687
The guillotine was concidered the most humane exicution method at the time, and one of the only ways to ensure death. It is (relatively) humane, even if the severed heads would move afterwords. So yes, 15 seconds to brain death is better than minutes of bleeding out.

Yes, beheading is a mercy in this one instance.

4872258 you think hitting trees in a game give you points
But the trees get points when the intercept you

4874901
3.bp.blogspot.com/-0VJAVq5wC0w/TpB_OhZLuiI/AAAAAAAABEI/7G4L2o9c8Nw/s1600/Murloc.png

is this murloc any closer? give it a different color job and i think you got it.

4877134 Nah, the head's the wrong shape and the hands and feet are all wrong. The Rake was closer.:pinkiesad2:

Liked and followed. I honestly see him as a slightly more deranged version of Wrath Asura from Asura's Wrath (just about one of the most badass games in existence, for reference. A whole lot of goddamn button mashing, though):
i.ytimg.com/vi/sJzAJg0N57U/maxresdefault.jpg

MOAR!!!:flutterrage: Or I crush you:ajbemused:

Right, so if I had to guess, I'd say that this story was about malevolent tree! :rainbowwild:

jk this story seems to be quite cool and your writing is really clever so keep it going!

This is like The Beauty and The Beast, I hope it does'nt end being like that, or hell who am I kidding, I don't care, as long as it is as well written as it is now we are good.

4882233 no. Its not going to be Beauty and the Beast. Let me get that out of the way right now.

4882233 Glad you like it though!:pinkiehappy:

“But thats where the the similarities ended.” delete one of the “the”'s. :ajsleepy: otherwise, exceptional writing, sir :ajsmug:

Totally awesome. Did you say you dreamed this?:pinkiegasp: Quite creepy, more than a little disturbing, but in a fun way, and loaded with your characteristic writing humor. well played sir :moustache:

excellent read, i wonder where this will go... if i am to make a guess, i think its gonna get to where the creature ends up befriending the ponies of ponyville, but it will take a long time for that. :ajbemused:

I love you!!! THIS isn't good.

THIS.

IS.

AMAZING!!!!

My goodness, what will the unknown being do with Carrot Top next? :moustache:

Good hook. Ya got me for another chapter.

Constructive thoughts:

Adjectives are not your friends. Get them out of your writing.

Strong verbs are your friends. Strong verbs make for a strong narrative.

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