• Published 19th Aug 2014
  • 62,002 Views, 2,186 Comments

What I've Become - Knight Breeze



A mysterious predator haunts the White Tail Woods... one that is deadly, terrifying, and...nice?

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Epilogue

Author's Note:

Edit: Hey, everyone! I've finished this book's published, non-copyright-infringing version! It's available right now on amazon, so go check it out!

=>What I've Become: the actual book you can buy right now to support me, only $3.00!<=

IMPORTANT! do not skip over this Author's note! it contains information on the sequel!

Anyway, I know that some of you missed the fact that I published a sequel to this story. For some reason my tagged blog posts are not reaching those who have favorited this story, so some of you may have missed the memo. I tried to publish a non-story chapter to alert you guys to the fact that I published a sequel, but that was taken down.

I didn't know it was a no-no here on fimfiction, so please forgive me for that one.

So here is an extremely short chapter designed to introduce some new characters for the sequel (WHICH IS OUT NOW, JUST IN CASE YOU MISSED THE MEMO!)

Anyway, you guys already knew that the Quzin were on their way, so I thought I would start to flush them out a little bit before they actually showed up.

You can find the sequel here: What I've Done.

Thank you so much for supporting me and reading my work. You guys are truly awesome!

(PS, for those of you who were already aware of the fact that I had made a sequel, I will be posting the next chapter within a couple of days of posting this one, so please forgive me for my brevity here, that is taking up all of my available creativity.)

Epilogue

Priestess Akitesh kept her attention locked on her oratory notes, trusting her personal drone to not let her bump into anyone as she made her way to the chapel. “Let's see, choice is sacred, the Creator's dominion must be safeguarded at all costs...” she muttered to herself as she typed on the datapad in her left claw.

She was still somewhat new to the position, her ordination having only taken place a few days ago. That being said, she was fairly nervous about addressing her new crew. If it had been up to her, she would have forgone the whole tradition entirely. It wasn't up to her, though, and now she was going to have to subject herself to the worst torture she could imagine: public speaking.

As she was reviewing her notes, however, she felt a light tap on her shoulder as someone tried to get her attention. “Priestess, I apologize, but something has come up,” a male voice said behind her.

Akitesh turned and immediately recognized the face of Jedon, her Second Voice. “What is it, Jedon?” she asked curiously.

“We just received a transmission from The Speaker. It seems that a Krin science vessel has issued a distress signal from somewhere near the planet Euti,” he said with a bow.

“Which one was that again? Was that the world with those weird, monkey-like beings obsessed with cats?” she asked as she pocketed her datapad.

Jedon shook his head at this. “No, priestess. It is the world with the abnormally high spiritual aura, the one that forces its sun to orbit the planet,” he said as he handed her a datapad.

As she took the datapad, her world suddenly burst into flames and darkness. She saw a group of strange, terrifying bipedal creatures loping through the darkness. They appeared to be hunting a group of Quortoth soldiers, slaughtering the mighty beastfolk with surprising efficiency, despite the fact that the beastfolk were armed and the monsters were not.

Something was... off... about the nightmares, however. As terrifying as the bipedal creatures were, there seemed to be another, lighter form that overlapped them. These ghostly forms mimicked their more beastly counterparts move for move, yet seemed to scream against what they were doing at the same time.

Everything seemed to change again, taking on a night time hue as she found herself standing in front of a burning, twisted wreck. She could see shadows stumble and drag themselves from the burning starship, clutching at their bleeding bodies as they attempted to get away. Their forms were hazy and indistinct, though, and quickly disappeared.

One form did not disappear, and instead limped from the burning vessel with almost indecent haste. As she watched, it turned to stare at the destruction behind it, revealing its face to her.

“Priestess! Are you okay?” Jedon said, shaking his priestess as he tried to wake her from whatever vision had taken her.

“Yes, yes... I'm fine,” Akitesh said as she shook the last vestiges of the vision from her head. “Set a course for Euti, I want to be there yesterday.”

He gave her one more worried look before bowing in respect. “Yes, priestess.”

“Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to address the crew,” Akitesh said as she levitated her datapad out of her pocket, while simultaneously handing back the one that Jedon had given her. “We have a lot of work to do...”

Comments ( 241 )

aw shit. Write more! It's getting good!

5345461 Sorry, that's for the sequel!

Sound like they'd be allies to humanity. Speaking of which, is humanity even going to be a factor in the sequel or is it just going to be Alex?

interesting

Wow. When I first faved this back in September I had no idea it would blow up into something like this. Absolutely fantastic.

Obsessed with cats? It's either a reference to Lolcatz or anime catgirls and I'm not sure which is worse.

Must be another monkey race obsessed with cats.

5345507 My thoughts immediately went to the Egyptians.

I'm sorta wondering why you have the rest of this story as a sequel at all. It picks up from literally the end of this and continues the conflicts that were started in it seamlessly. It doesn't seem like there is anything in the next story that wouldn't fit into this one, given that the main character is the same one, the issues are the same (dealing with the fallout of his transformation), and it's a logical expansion of the story.

What's so different that the line needs to be drawn?

5345534 Mostly its the change of tone, and how it deals more with the man inside instead of him overcoming the fact that he changed into a monster.

5345507 For some reason I instantly just thought of Youtube on the cats.

5345529 Completely forgot about Egypt, and now I'm embarrassed. :facehoof:

A very nice little transition chapter.

“Now, If you'll excuse me, I have to address the crew,” Akitesh said as she levitated her datapad out of her pocket, the while simultaneously handing back the one that Jedon had given her. “We have a lot of work to do...”

img4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130405221911/mlp/images/e/e1/FANMADE_Luna_I_see_what_you_did_there.jpg

"Yer a wizard HarryAkitesh!"

5345923 I've already explained this to others, but not everything went as he wanted it to, but the main points that he wanted to have happen, happened.

Let's just say that not everything he told the captain was the truth.

… What does this species look like, exactly? I get that Krin are giant-ass ant looking dudes, but what are these guys like?

5345977 I'm going for a particular style of writing where I don't describe things until a character unfamiliar with the object/person sees it for the first time. You'll find out what the Quzin look like in due time, but not just yet.

5345934
my Hypothesis is WAR, some buggy wants war. The Kirn are probably more than ready for war then the Captain belives.

5345977
5346002

I bet they look like attractive humans with different skin color and maybe some facial ridges. That way Alex has a beautiful co-protagonist in the Priestess that he can fall in love with. :derpytongue2:

I'm sure that mention of her "left claw" was just because she has long, elegant fingernails. :rainbowlaugh:

“Set a course for Euti, I want to be there yesterday.”

Go FTL travel! Giving opportunities to break time since the beginning of light.

... no, I get what you meant. I was trying to--I mean, I--well...
Nevermind.

It said "her" crew... are Quzin captains also priests? I might be reading too much in your word choice, though...

It was short, but informative... although it didn't answer as many questions as it raised! It looks like the Quzin are fairly religious, although in an unusual way--fantasy/sci-fi religions can be outstandingly interesting to read, so I look forwards to that getting fleshed out a bit more. Knowing that "spiritual aura" is a thing--and that Euti isn't just an aberration--is probably the most interesting and important thing here (do the ponies call their world Euti, or is that just the Quzin label?). I'm guessing Earth has next to no spiritual presence, then? Or that we've drained it dry? If we did have it at some point, could it be possible for a human to learn to use magic when actually exposed to it?

Interesting bit when you mentioned Earth. Are monkeys and cats common throughout the galaxy? The ponies compared Alex to an ape-like creature, too, so there's that. The cat bit was funny, but it made me think... if we think about the importance of cats in a historical context, Ancient Egypt immediately comes to mind. And from Egypt (considering the science-fantasy nature of the setting), I start thinking about Stargate and alien-pyramid-conspiracy-bullshit. Did the Ancient Egyptians actually make contact with aliens?
I understand that they likely just looked at our Internet, but it's still interesting to imagine.

This new species seems to have both advanced technology AND magic. That sounds like a hell of an advantage. I'm guessing these are the guys that even the bug aliens are afraid of.

I just found this story and let me say it is fantastic. You did a fine job of portraying a realistic first-contact / alien introduction scene, and that really made the story shine.

Kudos.

5345507

Maybe all of their research was focused on lonely old cat ladies.

5346693
Then that would lead them to The Simpsons. Oh geez.

5345507 I just got that. I thought it was referencing the Egyptian worship of cats. Like how people say aliens helped build the pyramids... :applejackunsure:

Great first part. Not sure why it need an entirely new story to continue sincebit seems pretty early in plot development. Not to mention in the middle of an arc. But whatever.

5345934

but the main points that he wanted to have happen, happened.

Yes, and that's exactly what a Xanatos Gambit is. Even though he "lost", he still won. It is an incredibly over-used trope.

5347207
It's popular because it's true. When given the opportunity, most people will manipulate the situation so that, regardless of the events that take place, they win. Just try playing Chess or Monopoly with someone.

Hey! We're not obsessed with cats! :twilightangry2:... Um... Pay no attention to the profile pic... :twilightsmile: or the name... :twilightblush:





Or the entire internet...:twilightoops:





Dammit :facehoof:

Oh damn, now the Quzal are getting involved. I definitely hope they're prone to helping. And that they're not insectoids. That could cause some issues.

But now I want more Alex!

don't bring religion on to this

5348312 Religion has been an important part of any culture or society humanity has had to date. Thinking that it will just disappear because you gain the ability to travel to the stars is laughable
The Covenant were a religiously bound society. A lot of people praise the covenant because of the depth and complexity that they bring to the world.
This is going to be a completely fictional religion, and will not reflect my own personal views. They aren't going to be the good guys just because they are religious, nor are they going to be the bad guys for the same reason. In fact, I'm not going to reveal anything to you about them here, and just let it be a surprise.
Religion is and always will be a valid reason and motivation for people. It represents how people view the world, and how they explore and view others. It represents their explanation for what they cannot explain, or what they cannot control, and is an important part of any society, since it often dictates how that society will develop.

Yeah, you can go ahead and downvote me for making up a fictional religion, but consider this first:

I'm not trying to push my views upon you, nor am I trying to preach about my church, nor am I trying to tell you that religion is all a bunch of nonsense. All I'm trying to do is tell an interesting story.

To tell the truth, yes I am religious, and I'm not afraid to say it. Usually, when people bring up religion, it brings out the trolls and the closed minded. It brings out the zealots and the militant atheists. Religion is treated as a swear word, when in reality it represents something basic about humanity. It represents our need to explain the unexplainable. To answer the questions of who we are, and where we came from, and where we're going.

To ease your concerns, I'm not going to bring my views into this story, and instead, I'm trying to keep them out of it. Please just let my story do the talking for me, rather than judge it based on the fact that religion is involved.

Please don't be closed minded, and just sit back and enjoy the ride. I've done a great job so far, why would I muck it up now?

5347301 False analogy. The situation in this story is not a game of chess or monopoly. Real life simply does not work this way. (No. It really doesn't. Don't try to claim that it does.) In this kind of situation, the Xanatos Gambit is a melodramatic cheat. That doesn't necessarily make it bad, but the only reason to shoehorn it in at the end like this is because it's easier than writing a realistic and convincing conflict.

Comment posted by Chyre deleted Dec 5th, 2014

5348597
Why don't you actually read that link to TVTropes you made? You'll find that the "real life" section is one of the longest there.

Also, you're assuming that the author just threw the Xanatos Gambit in last minute, rather than having planned it out all along. So far, he's shown himself to be a skilled writer, so I find it more likely that you're just being a cynical asshole looking for a reason to complain.

Unless, of course, you actually do know better. You obviously know what kind of situation this is, so why don't you explain it and why the Xanatos Gambit doesn't work? Note that I'm not asking you to prove you're a better writer, only that you provide actually constructive criticism rather than empty trigger phrases like "it doesn't work in this situation" and "realistic and convincing conflict."

5349056 :ajbemused: You are being unnecessarily hostile about this. Do try to be less mean-spirited about a simple disagreement, m'kay?

Anyway. Those real life examples you brought up are all qualitatively different than the circumstances in this story, as they aren't examples of people suffering a massive loss but still "winning" somehow. So they don't prove your point. Further, this isn't about whether the author intended this from the start, this is about how it is awkward and forced.

As for your unnecessarily belligerent demand that I provide "actually constructive" criticism, I already did that. (5345923)

I found a very minor thing that you may want to edit.

let's see, choice is sacred, the Creator's dominion must be safeguarded at all costs...”

I noticed a couple typos:

“let's see, choice is sacred, the Creator's dominion must be safeguarded at all costs...” she muttered to herself as she typed on the datapad in her left claw.

Now, If you'll excuse me

Capitalization errors

Everything seemed to change again, everything taking on a night time hue as she found herself standing in front of a burning, twisted wreck.

The second use of the word "everything" is redundant.

That being said, she was fairly nervous about addressing her new crew. If it had been up to her, she would have forgone the whole tradition entirely. That being said, it wasn't up to her, and now she was going to have to subject herself to the worst torture she could imagine: public speaking.

You started two sentences in this paragraph with the phrase "that being said." Please scan over your text to try to avoid repetitions such as this.

Your frequent use of the word "however" is also problematic (five times in just 579 words).

5349696
I apologize if I seem hostile. I'm a little sociopathic, so it's hard for me to tell if what I'm saying is hurtful or wrong until after someone comments on it. Again, sorry about that.

Anyway, all those real life examples are also qualitatively different from each other. The point isn't that this case is like those ones, it's that Xanatos Gambits are quite common in real life.

Your link to your previous comment doesn't answer my question. It provides an alternative for the Xanatos Gambit, but doesn't actually explain why it doesn't work here. As I've said before, it's really too early to judge the Gambit. When the author has had more time to go into detail on it, then we'll know if it was actually forced or not.

Also, from what we've seen of him, heavy planning is in character for Ilisk. When Hazalk called him to his office, Ilisk had several plans ready. He tried plausible deniability, blackmail, flattery, and even something as drastic as gunning Hazalk down. Additionally, Hazalk specifically stated that he wouldn't have dealt with Ilisk without a contingency, implying that Ilisk has a history of slipperiness, plotting, and being difficult to deal with. Given this closer examination of his character, it's more within reason to believe that he's the sort who would cook up Xanatos Gambits.

5350752 Thanks man, as always, good eye!
Also, I took care of the 'however' thing. It now only has two repetitions of that word.

Your sequel link is not using https or the site_url tag :moustache:

>monkey-like beings
This is quite overdone. pls no.

>>Redstargazer
Oh! thx for clearing it up for me. also, WHY DID I LOOK UP A PICTURE OF A LICKER FROM RESIDENT EVIL BEFORE I WENT TO BED?

Yes, and that's exactly what a Xanatos Gambit is. Even though he "lost", he still won. It is an incredibly over-used trope.

Your mom was an incredibly over-used trope- last night!

5355803 Just sit back and watch. Trust me when I say that things don't always go as planned, and that someone (namely a certain secret agent) has an overinflated ego. He only thinks that everything is lining up for his side.

Trust me, this story's central focus is, has been, and always will be about the protagonist trying to come to terms with what has happened to him, and how he fits into this new world. Any actual battles that take place are more of a side thing, so just chill out and enjoy the story!

5355816

Oh wow, that makes me feel immensely better! :pinkiehappy:

I really didn't mean to sound so negative earlier, but you have to understand that what I said is true as far as my experiences go. I'll find an interesting story (usually a crossover) which starts out great with a more character driven plot, but something causes the story to drift to war, and 9 times out of 10 the ponies end up tossed to the side, usually with some of the characters (even the Mane 6) never even showing up again. It's always worse than if the story was just terrible from the beginning, because you at least don't get your hopes up for those.

"Obsessed with cats" is a bit too jokey, and doesn't even seem plausible considering human radio broadcast communications, which have only begun to feature the internet age's cat macros recently. Personally, I would go with dogs instead. I'm not speaking as a dog person, although in a sense, we are all dog people. Humans are evolutionarily codependent with dogs; we turned wolves (I assume Egyptian jackals, based on morphology) into dogs to help us hunt because they have comparable endurance to us and their presence on a hunt greatly increases the success of the hunt. There are hundreds of millions of dogs, which makes them the most abundant predator on Earth. Every culture has dogs, and a large part of our global success must be credited to dogs. Cats, on the other hand, are neither helpful and intelligent nor widespread, and they're not as prevalent as dogs in radio broadcast communications that aliens such as the Quzin would be able to detect. Certainly an even smaller fraction of cat presence in radio broadcast is of the humorous internet obsession kind. The internet itself doesn't count — none of that is going into space. Our radio shell is actually thinning out.

Regardless, great story, and I look forward to more. :heart:

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