Chapter IV
Finally! I thought as I hefted my prize. It had taken me the better part of three hours, but I had finally caught one of those slippery little buggers. It was a beauty, too. Three feet long, and probably somewhere around thirty pounds. Man, I was going to eat well tonight. And tomorrow night. And the night after that.
I love salmon.
However, I had not gone through the ordeal unscathed. I had broken the fishing spear that I had made earlier this month, and was forced to resort to the old-fashioned approach. Bare hands.
Now, catching a fish with your bare hands is usually a pretty impossible feat for a normal human. But seeing as how I not only had claws now, but also faster reflexes and muscle speed, it wasn't too hard.
...Still would have been easier if I hadn't broken my spear on that first strike, though. I wouldn't be quite so wet, either. Say what you wanted about claws, tools are where it's at.
Speaking of wet, I was starting to feel pretty cold now. The moon had already risen, and it was in the middle of autumn. Because of these two factors, the temperature was actually dropping pretty fast.
I had to get back to my cave soon. When I had said that I had scored when it came to living spaces, I wasn't lying. The cave actually ran much deeper than it looked, with the back of the cave playing host to a hot spring. I might be cold and wet now, but in a few short minutes I was going to be nice and toasty, munching on fish, and well on my way to a delightful night's slumber.
As I approached my cave, though, I stopped short when I heard voices up ahead. The words were unintelligible to me, but that didn't stop me from straining my ears to listen.
There seemed to be a lot of them, and by the sound of the jingling, they had a lot of metal with them. Now, I wasn't an expert in these sorts of things, but when you have a large group of people that jingle, that can usually mean only one thing.
They might not have found my lair, though, I thought as I slowly started to make my way towards my cave. I might not be able to cook my dinner, but I can still warm and dry myself.
Deep down inside, however, I knew that Murphy and his freaking law was at work here.
I was certain that this was going to be a long, cold, fish-less night.
* * *
“Sir, the trail ends here. At least, I think it ends here,” Sergeant Fleet Foot said in a confused tone of voice, saluting sharply.
“Hmm... where did you go...” Captain Dark Seeker said as he rubbed a hoof underneath his chin.
The tracks they had been following were quite strange. They were elongated, five toed tracks with the heel forming a neat little circle behind the rest of the foot. The toes also clearly had claws, though judging by their length they were mainly used to help the creature find traction. The uniqueness of the tracks, coupled with how heavy the creature seemed to be, meant that they were relatively easy to follow.
However, they had hit a slight snag. The tracks led right up to a cliff face with a gnarled old tree growing on its side. From here, however, the tracks became impossible to follow because of all the other similar tracks that crisscrossed through the area.
“Sergeant, what do you make of all of this?” Captain Seeker asked in a thoughtful tone of voice.
“Well sir, I can only see two viable options here. One, there are many of these things in these woods, and they all like to gather to this spot for some bizarre reason. This is highly unlikely, seeing as how most of the tracks here are all older than these three sets here,” Sergeant Fleet Foot said as he pointed the three tracks out with his hoof. One of the sets was the one they were following, while another looked like it led east, while the third seemed to lead to the nearby river. “My guess is that the creature has set up a den somewhere close by, probably at the top of the cliff, and uses the tree to get in and out.”
“Thank you sergeant,” Captain Seeker said as his eyes scanned the cliff face.
“Do you think, perhaps, that that cave might be where the creature is hiding?” he heard Princess Luna ask behind him. He didn't need to look to know where the Lunar Princess was pointing at, seeing as how he had spotted the cave only seconds before she had pointed it out.
“I would assume so, Your Highness. I really wish you would stay at the entrance of the forest, though. It's dangerous out here,” he said, his voice filled with concern.
“I will manage just fine, captain. I have seen combat before, but I do not think that it will come to that,” the Lunar Princess said as she gently unfolded her wings. "Do you think it is home?"
"I don't think so, Your Highness," Sergeant Fleet Foot answered. "The set of tracks that lead to the river are much more recent than any of the others. It probably left to catch itself something to eat."
"Thank you sergeant," Luna said as she readied herself for takeoff. Before she left, however, Captain Seeker held out a single hoof. “With all due respect, Your Highness, I would really feel much better if you let us go first. The creature is most likely not at home, but I'd rather not bet your life on it,” he said respectfully.
She considered him for a moment, then pouted slightly. “You like to suck the fun out of everything, don't you?” she asked him, her voice dripping with disappointment.
Captain Seeker wasn't fazed by this, however, and just continued to give the Lunar Diarch a flat look. Finally, after what seemed like hours, the Moon Princess relented. “Fine, but remember, if the creature is home, do not engage unless necessary. I want to try to communicate with it. If you find that you must fight, I want you to do your best to capture it,” she said, her eyes quickly sweeping over the assembled soldiers.
After each one in turn had saluted to the Lunar Princess, Luna finally took a step back to allow her soldiers to do their jobs.
“Alright, Private Heart, I want you to carry Lieutenant Burst up there while Sergeant Weather and I secure the cave. The rest of you will patrol this area in case the creature isn't home,” Captain Seeker ordered, his tone very business-like. “I want you each in groups of three. If you see it, send one of the members of your patrol for reinforcements while the other two attempt to keep the creature in the area. Do not engage it by yourselves. If it flees, attempt to herd it back towards this cave. If it attacks, fall back and attempt to lead it here. The creature is assumed to be intelligent, but unable to speak Equestrian, so while communication is possible, it is not advised. Lethal force is only authorized if a pony's life is in danger. Any questions?” he asked, his eyes sweeping over his troops.
When no questions came, he turned back towards the cave and unfurled his wings. “Good. Sergeant Fleet Foot, I'll leave it up to you to organize patrols. Sergeant Fair Weather, let's do this.”
The entrance to the cave was only about fifteen feet up, so it only took Captain Seeker a single beat of his wings to get him to the cave. The opening was fairly small, probably only three feet in diameter, leaving them very little room to maneuver if things got dicey. Captain Seeker wasn't an idiot, however, so he first pulled a lightstone from his combat saddlebags before entering.
Yeah... entering a pitch black alien monster's lair before throwing one of these? I'd have to be some moron from a cheap comic book to try that one, he thought as he hurled the stone into the cave.
As soon as the lightstone hit the hard surface of the inside of the cave, the enchantments on the stone took effect. Instantly, the whole cave was filled with a warm, white light, illuminating every corner of the cave with its glow.
As soon as the darkness in the cave was lifted, Captain Seeker and Sergeant Weather dove in, fully prepared to meet the horrifying beast head on.
It was actually pretty anticlimactic when absolutely nothing jumped out at them and ate their brains. Captain Seeker almost felt cheated, almost like fate had purposely skipped out on a perfect opportunity to shank him and his team.
The cave was actually pretty large, the center of the room being dominated by a shallow pit. Inside the pit was the clear remains of a fire, still somewhat fresh, probably from this morning or late last night. Scattered around the pit were a few bones which were picked clean long ago by whatever creature called this place home, while to the side of the pit was a large pile of what appeared to be animal hides.
“Sweet mother of Celestia...” Captain Seeker heard Private Heart gasped in horror behind him. Captain Seeker turned to see that Private Heart had entered with Lieutenant Burst. However, as soon as the private had laid eyes upon the animal hides, he had frozen in his tracks.
“I know we were told this was a carnivore, but why would it keep the skins of its victims? That's just grotesque!” he said in disgust.
It took him a couple of seconds, however, to realize that his disgust wasn't shared by the rest of the team. Instead, everypony present was giving him a flat 'are you serious?' look. “What? It's disturbing and-” he started to say, but was cut off when Lieutenant Burst smacked him on the back of the head.
“You've never served on the griffin borders, have you soldier?” she asked in a flat, level tone. When he didn't respond immediately, she rolled her eyes in exasperation. “Private, most sapient omnivores and carnivores have a tendency to keep parts of the animals that they kill. We're exceptions to this of course, but most other species either use them as tools, or they keep them as trophies. Get invited into a griffin's home sometime if you really want something 'grotesque' to complain about,” she said, striding quickly past the confused private.
“You're telling me that we're allies with monsters?” he asked in shock.
Even Captain Seeker rolled his eyes at this. “Private, unless you have something non-racist to say, I suggest you keep your pie-hole shut for the remainder of the mission. Otherwise, if I hear one more peep from you, I will personally ensure that you are put on latrine duty for the rest of your career. Do I make myself clear?” he ordered, his tone unmistakable.
Private Stout Heart wisely realized his folly at that point and chose to shut his mouth.
“Sir, as offensive as Private Heart's words were, he still makes a very interesting point. Why would the creature collect just the skins of its meals? And why so many?” Sergeant Weather asked, his face a mask of confusion. “Also, why haven't they rotted by now? Some of these look like they've been here for a while...” he said as he slowly started to shift a few around with his hoof.
“At a guess? I'd say it was using them as bedding,” Captain Seeker said, not taking his eyes off of the back of the cave. He could faintly make out the entrance to a deeper complex, but was unsure of what it contained.
“Lieutenant, you and Heart go and scout out that passage in the back and call if it's clear. I want to get the Princess up here as soon as possible, and we can't do that until we clear this cave,” Captain Seeker said as he gestured towards the back of the cave with his hoof. “Sergeant, you stay here and help me look to see what clues we can find in this area. Let's see what we can learn about our carnivorous friend.”
As they started to dig around, a few more questions they had were answered, while other new questions were brought up. For example, they found that the creature had somehow cured the hides in a fashion that neither Captain Seeker or Sergeant Weather were familiar with. However, since neither of them were in the practice of curing animal hides, this was hardly surprising. A griffin taxidermist would probably recognize this... Seeker thought to himself.
Before they could start searching the rest of the cave, however, Burst and Heart came back, giving the other two the all clear sign.
With a little trepidation, Captain Seeker stuck his head out the cave entrance and quickly located Princess Luna. “It's all clear, Your Highness. The creature doesn't appear to be home,” he called out, waving a hoof at the Night Princess.
As soon as he gave the signal, Princess Luna gave a single flap of her wings, bringing her level with the cave entrance. It was a slightly tighter squeeze for the Moon Princess, but she still managed it just fine. “What have you discovered, captain?” she asked after a cursory glance around the room.
“A great deal, actually. The creature seems to collect and cure the hides of its previous meals and use them as bedding, though why it needs so many we are still unsure,” Captain Seeker said as he gestured towards the pile of skins. “It also does not appear to hunt anything it recognizes as sapient, judging solely on the types of hides that are gathered here. We were about to do a more thorough investigation of this room when Private Heart and Lieutenant Burst returned from clearing the back of the cave.”
“Very good captain. Continue your search of the cave and alert me if you have found any interesting developments,” she said as she swept passed the still saluting soldier.
Captain Seeker nodded, then turned to the ponies under his command. “You heard the Princess, spread out and search. I want everything in this cave examined thoroughly and brought to my attention. I don't care how insignificant it may seem, it's evidence,” the captain ordered in a commanding tone of voice.
Princess Luna didn't hear a word of this, however, nor did she hear any part of the conversation that followed her captain's orders. She was too busy concentrating on the aetheric energies that surrounded the recent resting place of the alien visitor.
Every creature that slept also dreamed, and dreams were the special domain of the Lunar Princess. Usually it was difficult, if not downright impossible, for her to sense and enter the dreams of anyone other than her subjects. This restriction could be circumvented, however.
If she managed to get a hold of an object that held great importance to the person she was attempting to contact, or if she managed to find the location where that person usually rested its head at night, she could pick up the subtle aetheric imprint left behind. Once she had that imprint she could find anyone and enter their dreams once they were asleep, pony or not.
Getting the imprint took some time, however. She had to attune herself to the imprint that the creature left behind, and that could take awhile if its emotions were too dissimilar from those of a po-.
Please no! The pain... why would you do this?
Luna's eyes shot open. The words, while in a different language entirely, were easily translated through the aetheric plane. The voice sounded like that of a stallion, probably in its mid twenties, though she couldn't really be sure since she had no references for the alien species' gender or age. The words themselves carried a potent cocktail of emotions with them as well. Pain, sadness, loss, homesickness, anger, regret, guilt.
There was so much guilt here. The creature clearly blamed himself for something, and regretted it deeply. The emotions were strong here, stronger than anything she had felt before in the dreamscape.
There was only one reason why she could hear the creature's thoughts, though. This was the site of some pretty potent nightmares. Also, judging by the sheer strength of the emotions attached to the imprint, she wouldn't have been surprised if it had had one every night it had been asleep.
However, as unpleasant as it was, she closed her eyes once again and started to delve into the imprint left behind by the creature.
Please no! I don't want to do this!
Please, whoever you were, please forgive me! I didn't want to do it!
Why are you making me do this? Why would you turn me into a monster?
Please, I just want to go home, to see Valerie again, to hug her, and hear her say it's going to be okay...
She wouldn't even look at me though, not after she sees me. She'd probably scream and run, wouldn't even recognize the monster that used to be her boyfriend...
Why can't I wake up from this living nightmare?
I just want to go home... I don't want to hurt anyone...
Princess Luna opened her eyes, gasping for breath. She had the imprint, though what she had learned from it had been far more important than the imprint itself.
There was no doubt in her mind that this creature was sapient and highly intelligent. She was also sure that the creature would never hurt another sapient if he could have helped it.
However, she was also sure that the creature hadn't always been given a choice in the matter.
“Captain, are you ready?” Luna asked as she rose from her seat.
“Yes, Your Highness,” Captain Seeker replied, saluting sharply.
“Then meet me outside and gather your troops, we have a lost soul to find,” she said grimly.
Well, at least the cliche of an incompetent Royal Guard acting like retarded morons and screaming "OMG CARNIVORE!" or "Surely is nothing but a mindless beast" has been thankfully averted.
Well then, I look forwards to his dreams. He has had a bit of a headstart on them, and it's hard to search a forest from the air. He's smart, so with those advantages he can probably avoid them. It is a bit harder to avoid a pony who can dreamwalk, however.
I liked this chapter. We got a good look at the character of the pursuing ponies, learned that if something does go wrong it'll probably be Stout Heart, and developed a reasonable hope that things won't end horrifically when they meet up.
You have nothing to second-guess yourself over. This was great.
Nice chapter! Keep 'em coming!
This chapter makes me really want to find out what happens next, he should get an awesome mask or something. remember stay classy
So alien race abducts humans
alien race mutates humans into super monsters to fight and conquer for them and mind controls them, though they are obviously aware of their surroundings
alien race crash lands on Equestria
alien race's systems are damaged freeing the mutated humans of mind control
mutated humans wreck the aliens' shit but most of them get their shit wrecked in the process
protagonist gets away in the end and then we have our story
am I with it so far?
This was great, good to know that for once they won't start hunting the one who had no say in their fate, but saw the truth and want to help
The three chapters before were an interesting setup. But this one... this one is highly effective and earns the fave from me.
Please keep it up! You are doing fantastic.
4990314
This.
A comedy of errors can be amusing, but a lot—and by a lot I mean 99%—of writers on this site don't know when to finally end the damn errors part and start the resolution. Seems you are working to avoid that here by making sure that, even though there might be some of said errors, they won't be dragged out until the sun goes nova. Also it's nice to see a story where the ponies aren't immediately and utterly racist/xenophobic.
As for second-guessing, I do that even after I post a chapter, so there's that.
4990613
I like the part where he doesn't instantly assume ponies are going to help.
That's a good one.
4990633
Quite.
At first I wonder what's this about, now I want to know more
I'll admit, I wasn't expecting this to be updated so soon. I assumed it was another story finally getting a new chapter.
Not that I'm disappointed, I was sort of confused about the stories' direction by the last chapter.
...So the next chapter will be up tomorrow, right?
Hurray for boredom
more, please, I NEED MORE!!!
I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!!!
I NEED MORE, MOOOOOOOORE, I MUST KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!
4989627 Aye... Mutilated aliens and humans in a strange ship?
I had to think it was The Resistance... XD
MORE PLEASE! THIS IS GOOD!
Such a breath of fresh air to see a story that doesn't follow all the common HIE tropes. Neither the human nor the ponies have been handed the all too overused idiot ball, and I hope you manage to keep it that way.
4990314 Yeah, I wanted to avoid that cliché like the plague.
4990317 Thank you! I'm glad you like it!
As for second guessing myself, I really cannot help it.
4990361
4990379 Yes and no. Most of the points you've gotten right so far, but I won't tell you which ones you've gotten wrong.
So this stopped being a pure search and has become more or less a rescue operation? Me like, me like. The "lost soul" part was especially impactant, it shows the empathy really well.
4990391 Yeah, I'm not into the whole 'OMG A MONSTER! (except it hasn't done anything to us yet) KILL IT BEFORE IT KILLS US!!' Theme, especially since the ponies have been show to interact peacefully with carnevores and omnivores before. (Fluttershy and the manticore, spike and twilight, griffins and ponies.)
4990613 I agree. a comedy by error fic can be taken too far. This wasn't really supposed to be that anyway. More along the lines of a comedy by narrative, and how it was presented.
Also, the ponies have been shown already that they are anything but Xenophobic. They can get their panties in a bunch sometimes (Zacora being the most notable example), but they have shown that they are willing to work beside and live with other species before.
4990863 ...Maybe...
As I've told others before, updates for my fics come out approximately whenever I feel like it. I do not abandon fics though. If I do, I will clearly mark the fic as abandoned, and give you a reason why.
4991772 YES! I WAS GOING FOR THAT!
mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw2191-huzzah.png
You sir have earned a mustache for noticing.
Woot a new chapter.
and, sadly, I have caught up
Your dialogue punctuation could use some work. Take this quote as an example:
Since you used a dialogue tag ("she said"), the sentence would end in a comma, not a period, and "She" wouldn't be capitalized. If an exclamation point or a question mark had been used, they wouldn't have been replaced with a comma, but "She" would still not be capitalized. If you'd used an action tag, the period and capitalization would have been correct.
It's also worth pointing out that this sentence has a comma splice. You connected two complete sentences with just a comma. There were a few other miscellaneous errors scattered throughout the chapter, and there was a little bit of an issue with LUS around the middle.
I like more please
DUDE! are you just made of time or something? how are you able to put out two chapters in two days. i am impressed
I agree with LAB. There were some grammatical errors. i will email you all the ones i find when i get the time.
Great chapter. loved the sensibility of the gaurd ponies and the empathy of our dearest wuna!
*Gasp* Alien mind control!
4873326 he sounds almost like a deathclaw from Fallout, just add retractable claws.
Hmm....
Mm-hm...
...Yep, favorited.
So the guards are told not to attack first... and they open with a flashbang.
They are told to look around for anything noteworthy... and interpret that as an order to steal everything.
They are definitely holding the cliche idiot ball, it is just that the protagonist is not around to be hurt by it yet.
4996163 The flashbang was actually the smartest thing they could have done. They were dealing with a creature that they had very little information about, which could have turned very violent if its home was invaded for all they knew. They used it simply to get a foot in the door.
As your the tagging and bagging, yeah... I messed that part up a little. sorry.
4996202
The problem with the flashbang is that if he was not aggressive before, he will almost certainly be afterward. Quite reasonably, since it is an unprovoked attack. Flashbangs are agonizing. Using it would be smart if they wanted to capture the creature. It is pants on head retarded if they want to engage it in dialogue. It is especially odd after that great conversation about not being an idiot and calling people monsters.
These guards have walked into what Luna has indicated may be someone's home, and their actions were:
- Try saying hello via assault
- Steal the occupant's belongings
This is criminal behavior, and I will be disappointed if they get away with it.
(I am now picturing the royal guard stopping by Zecora's to inquire about potions and announcing themselves by tossing a flashbang through the window.)
Hooray! Another chapter! I ravenously await more!
4996706 Thanks for the input, I really do need advice like this. I freely admit that I don't always think everything through, and to be honest, I wasn't sure how much I liked how I did that part. Now that I have a bit of an outside perspective on it, I'll be running an edit of it later today.
I'm actually really easy to sway, I just need people to present their argument in a rational and logical way.
This is a good story you've got going.
4996163
D&D PCs in a nutshell
Huzzah! A new author to ad to my colection of people I read of stories!
More? A little rom mabey with the bat ponies?
I get a weird Edward Scissorhands vibe right now. Maybe the aliens are really big Tim Burton fans?
Anyway. Good chapter. Nice touch with twisting the "carnivore are bad" trope.
So, was there a resolution as to his exact appearance or no? Right now, I'm seeing him as the bastard child of a deathclaw and the Rake.
I swear to God if that gets R34'd, I'm going to smash my face into the desk despairing over the collective sanity of the human race.
EDIT: Just spotted the author's comment. Apparently, Rake is closest analogue we're likely to see short of fanart.
I like the story but I'm irritated about how you get dialogue punctuation wrong:
Should be:
"I don't think so, Your Highness," Sergent Fleet Foot answered.
Should be:
"Thank you Sergent," Luna said as she readied herself for takeoff.
Should be: “Sir, the trail end here. At least, I think it ends here,” Sergent Fleet Foot said in a confused tone of voice, saluting sharply.
Should be:
“Do you think, perhaps, that that cave might be where the creature is hiding?” he heard Princess Luna say behind him.
Should be:
“You like to suck the fun out of everything, don't you?” she asked him, her voice dripping with disappointment.
Should be:
“You've never served on the griffin borders, have you soldier?” she asked in a flat, level tone.
Should be:
“You're telling me that we're allies with monsters?” he asked in shock.
Also, you wrote “your” instead of “you’re.”
Should be:
“I know we were told this was a carnivore, but why would it keep the skins of its victims? That's just grotesque!” he said in disgust.
Note that you're also missing an apostrophe. You wrote "thats" instead of "that's."
Should be:
“Yes, Your Highness,” Captain Song replied, saluting sharply.
(You also forgot to capitalize Song's name.)
I recommend you read the site's writing guide, where it talks about said tags and action tags.
Two more proofreading notes:
Did you mean “choice” rather than “voice”?
Capitalization error
5009166 Sorry man, I didn't even know that was a rule. I thought you ended every bit of speech with a period, my bad. I'll take a bit of time and go through and hopefully fixed it all.
5009166 There! hopefully I got them all! sorry about that.
5009569
Thanks, I appreciate it.