• Member Since 4th Jul, 2014
  • offline last seen Apr 29th, 2018

The Story Man


I'm posting some of my stories from the /fb/ general on /mlp/ and I'll be writing some other stuff from time to time.

T
Source

You just got hired by the Cakes to help around the shop and generally do work that Pinkie would otherwise get distracted by. Only problem is that you have to come in at such an early hour that you don't exactly think clearly.

Pinkie seems completely oblivious to this however, and remains her bubbly self in spite of your sluggish behavior.

The Cakes told you not to do or say anything that might upset her. Sounds easy, not like you'd burn your thumb and let something slip, would you?

Looks like you got a mess to clean up.

(First story in a long time with no mature stuff, trying something new.)

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 61 )

I swear I've already read this. Might be a different story with the same premise though. Was amusing.

4859526 Just wrote this for a thread around 5 or 7 hours ago, so it's probably the same premise.

Hmm. I realize this is just a toss-off, so I'm not too worried about the narrator not being fleshed out too much. "New employee of the Cakes" is fine. But Pinkie seems way out of character, both for Equestria Girls and here. In EG, there's no indication that she works for the Cakes (even though I've done that in mine, since it's consistent with the show). And in both EG and FiM, she is just not that dumb. No baker would ever open and close a door repeatedly for 10 minutes--it's risking letting the cake fall. She's silly and random, but not stupid. And that took the edge off the main joke for me.

I like it even when fluttershy said a bad word nice touch

4859587 How would opening the door to the kitchen risk the cake falling?

Also, the her working for the Cakes thing is because this is the full human universe, not the exact canon of the movie.

I'm confused. Why did Fluttershy said the cock comment? Anyhow, the story made me laugh. It was nice.

4859620 I thought it'd be funny to have Fluttershy just curse because she whispers so much no one hears her.

Aw I just looked at the picture and it already wanna makes me read it! I'm so reading this... Brb for a few minutes :pinkiecrazy:

4859617 Drafts and pressure. Also, she's a good baker, if nothing else. It's just my take on it. She just seemed dumb in general. And Pinkie's not dumb.

Just read it and three words. It. Was. Bootiful. :rainbowlaugh:

4859637 But the cake was still baking in the closed oven when she did that stuff. Also, I know she's a good baker, I brought it up twice that she was way better than anon guessed she was.

4859634 I get that, I just wanted to know if she was insulting the guy or if she was ogling his crotch. Just out of curiosity, will there ever be a full story sequel with this guy again?

4859648 OK--it's just my opinion. I'm not going to insist that whatever I say is the Gospel According To Pinkie Characterization, and you're perfectly free to think:
mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw10292-1382186026731.png

4859658 Probably not.

This is just a one-shot I did at someone's request so I could get back into writing.

Haha nice I thought it was good

Holy #16 · Aug 16th, 2014 · · 8 ·

0/10 it was shit:derpytongue2:

Man, you really think this could pass as a story? Really? This thing? Well guess what
Yeah it was good.

Shit, nigga.

Unfathomably swear-filled. I could tell this was probably for shits and giggles.

Good work. :rainbowlaugh:

This was really terrible.

The character named "Pinkie Pie" in this story is completely, 100% unrecognizable as Pinkie Pie. There is literally nothing about this character that is in any way, shape, or form reminiscent of Pinkie Pie. I don't know who she is, but Pinkie Pie, she is not.

Also, while the joke of accidentally teaching an innocent a dirty word and then trying to cover it up with a handwave explanation that only leads to bigger trouble CAN be done well, in this story it just comes off as mean-spirited, "I don't want to be bothered with this" dickery on the part of the protagonist. As such, there's nothing funny about it.

The only thing about this story that's remotely enjoyable is the cover art. And even the cover art has nothing whatsoever to do with the story. It's just random human!Pinkie fanart you stole off deviantART.

4859587

No baker would ever open and close a door repeatedly for 10 minutes

Well, maybe she just has very bad OCD? :applejackunsure:

4860490
Unfaved. :unsuresweetie:

4860414 Well, I'm sorry you didn't like it.

I don't know, I guess I thought it was kind of funny. Didn't mean to make you mad or anything.

k
wow story this story doesnt suck
thanks

This is funny because,
You ripped off this story from. Kickass222urmom
You even ripped off the title.:rainbowhuh:

4860606 Again, this was a one-shot written at the prompt of an anon on the /mlp/ board. Here's a link to the thread: boards.4chan.org/mlp/thread/19260117#p19275954

4860640
So you had someone else steal your ideas for you? For shame, Story.:applejackunsure:

Been done, but ok.

4860606
4860640 Now now, there's no reason to be embarrassed about stealing an idea. Writers steal ideas all the time. James Cameron's Avatar is just Dances With Wolves with blue space catpeople. A Fistful of Dollars is just Yojimbo as a Western.

What IS embarrassing is when you steal an idea and use it to create something that's completely inferior and lackluster.

4860921 How does one steal an idea when they didn't know it even existed?

4860921 It was never my intention to steal this story though, so I disagree that you should judge me against that story which was clearly more thought out and planned.

“No, silly! I’m Gimli!”

I seee what you did there.

4860960
4860975 Oh, sorry...I wasn't referring to THIS story. I was talking about Avatar. :trollestia:

“Motherfucker! Motherfuck this, motherfuck that!” she half sings as she bounds her way out of the kitchen. You dash after her, but stop and look back at the cake.

this is what got me. but i swear i read this before somewhere...

4863846

:rainbowhuh: General this and commander that

Something else that rhymes with that?

4860975
Didn't mean too sound harsh, Nor intend too be a 'Douche Nozzle.' I guess when your having a bad day you short of become a A-hole unintended.

Your just a Author, Like all of us, And it's really not fair of me too criticize you nor your Art Work.

It's perfect! Amazing! Astonishing!:heart:

Heck! Great Minds think alike!
-Windchester :moustache:

Dear Story Man.

Hm, an interesting turn of events to say the least. I will admit it was one of the highlights of my day to read about Pinkie bounce around and yell the third most offensive curse word like a child. But any whozer, I felt that it was decently paced and well typed, save for a few grammatical errors, other then that your attempt at a non clop fic is a success in my book.

Yours Truly, The Cake Devil.

P.S. I always considered Avatar to be more of a Pocahontas rip off if anything, And if you want sheer rip offs you look at Kimba the White Lion and The Lion King.

4860640 Seeing as this is a written out version of a 4chan impromptu story is actually quite amazing, knowing the quality 4chan has to offer at times.
I wasn't able to read the original, since it's already been deleted. Thanks 4chan. :ajbemused:

But in the light of all that, some people here have a point.
The way Anon behaves towards Pinkie, using motherfucker, does seem mean-spirited or bothered to deal with it, just as MythrilMoth pointed out.
Same goes for the cover art, don't steal and if you do, at least have the decency to link to the artist's page. After all they probably spent more time on that image then you on this story.
As for the part about Pinkie's personal behavior, I am not saying anything. That's personal interpretation of a character which differs from person to person. I could see her acting like this, but at the same point I have reasons for the opposite as well.

4861515 But Avatar was a good movie though... unoriginal, weird, but still a good movie. :twilightsmile:

Pinkie Pie has some rude titties. :rainbowwild:

4867518 This is pretty close to the 4chn post. Just make the paragraphs green and you're there.
His lack of care at the start was kind of meant to be the attitude of someone who had just really burned their finger, but I can see how that might happen.
Also, I did put the source of the picture in, click it and it'll send you to their deviant art.

4868697 Fair enough, though it's still courtesy to mention the artist. It's just a few words in your describtion.

That was pretty funny, I won't lie. Liked.

5084138
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