• Published 16th Aug 2014
  • 5,244 Views, 61 Comments

Pinkie's New Word - The Story Man

After burning your thumb, you accidentally teach Pinkie Pie a new word

  • ...

Say What Again! I dare you!

You sit on the counter watching through a small glass window as some batter slowly rises in a pan. Waiting for the cakes to actually finish baking had to be one of the most boring parts of your job. Watching each little bubble rise and pop as the yellow liquid slows and turns solid.

The family who owns the bakery, inexplicably named the Cakes, had hired you a while ago to help out with their other employee. Pinkie was an air-head if you’ve ever seen one. Not to say that she’s stupid, in fact it’s entirely possible that she’s very intelligent, but she was always distracted with other things.

“Hello again!” The girl shouts from the half-open doorway of the kitchen. This time, you didn’t even look. She’s been opening and closing that door for the past 10 minutes. Maybe it has something to do with the menial labour, maybe it’s the fact she’s this hyper at 6:00 AM, but you were not ready for this.

You took the time to remind yourself not to blame her too much. Some people are just excitable and happy seemingly all of the time, no matter how irritating that got.The Cakes had even told you about her and said she “was just innocent like that. She grew up on a farm you know.”

Which is fine in theory, but much harder to handle in practice. “Hey! Hey! Hey! New guy, hey!” Pinkie shouts as you rub your eyes. Slowly, you turn your tired head towards her.

Her hair long mess of poofy hair is wrapped around her face, giving the impression of a beard. “Hey, guess who I am!” she cheerfully demands.

You sigh before scratching your neck. “Santa Claus?” you ask after a few seconds.

“No, silly! I’m Gimli!” she says enthusiastically before finally entering the kitchen.

Turning back to the baking cake, you notice the timer had just passed the limit and quickly move to grab the oven gloves. Finding only one, you frantically search for it’s pair when you notice Pinkie wearing it on her head.

“Bawk, I’m a chicken!” she said, flapping her arms and imitating the flightless fowl.

“Give me that!” you say, quickly snatching the glove away from Pinkie.

Putting the glove on, you reach for the pan and start to pull it out. Unfortunately, there was an old worn hole in the right glove, making you burn your thumb. Your eyes shoot wide open as all the sleepiness from your body is vacuumed out in one movement.

“Motherfucker!” you cuss as you drop the pan onto the counter and clutch your hand. Pulling off the gloves, you blow cool air onto the burn and start sucking on your thumb to try and ease the pain.

“Motherfucker?” Pinkie asks, approaching the counter. She looks down at the pan before turning to your, her big blue eyes repeating the question for her.

Shaking off your hand, you try to figure out what was happening and not vent your frustration at her. Even though it totally is her fault. “You’ve never heard that word before?” you ask incredulously.

“I’ve heard the word mother before. Does that have something to do with it?” she asks with a large smile.

The Cakes had told you not to get too angry with her and try to act kid friendly when she was around on account of her simple upbringing. You figure that they meant she would get angry at you for not doing so, not that she doesn’t know that stuff to begin with. You were not in a mood to explain curse words though.

“It, uh, means exciting or crazy,” you try to push off on her.

“Really? What a fun word!” she replies with a big smile. Seeing her act so innocently did bring a small smile to your face. Despite all the annoying bounciness, she was pretty funny.

Turning back towards the cake, she looks at it determinedly. “Mmmmmmotherfucker!” she says suddenly.

Your smile drops. This didn’t look like it was going to turn out well. “Hey, Pinkie, that word is--” you start to explain before she bounces away.

“Motherfucker! Motherfuck this, motherfuck that!” she half sings as she bounds her way out of the kitchen. You dash after her, but stop and look back at the cake.

It would only take a little bit to get her back, you just had to tell her the truth before she did something drastic that might trace back to you.

“Hi Twilight! Hi Fluttershy!” you hear Pinkie yell from the main lobby. Damn she was fast.

Moving quickly down the hall after her, you hope you can make it in time before she says something that could get you in trouble. Reaching the end of the hall, you see her friends return Pinkie’s greeting and start to move to the booth seats.

“So, how’s your day been Pinkie?” Twilight asks as she starts to sit down. You basically know Twilight and Fluttershy at this point despite only working here a week. Twilight was an honor student who wore red glasses when reading. It sounds stalkerish at first, but anyone who was in the building the day Twilight took them out remembers Pinkie talking about it. She did so for 2 hours.

The girls take a seat while Pinkie stays standing, looking down at her friends excitedly. Fluttershy took notice of you and looks away sheepishly.

“Oh it’s been great! I learned a new word today! Hold on, let me get you guys some milkshakes,” Pinkie says before bouncing over to the dispenser near the ordering bar.

Moving towards her, you try to think of an excuse to get her not to say it, but before you can think of one she dashes away. Of course, the person who’s been working here for a few years can work fast.

“Thank you Pinkie,” Twilight says. Fluttershy looks like she mumbles something as well, but it was inaudible at your distance. “So, what’s this new word you learned?” Twilight asks, before taking a drink.

Thinking fast, you raise your arm up and move towards her. “Pinkie! Can you go and frost the cake I baked? I need to...get some boxes. For a...box...thing,” you say, losing faith in your own intelligence as you do.

Everyone stares at you for a moment, with Fluttershy even giving you a small look of pity for being more awkward than her. Pinkie instead smiles and pumps her arm in the air the same way you stupidly held it up.

“Like a box fort?” She asks excitedly. “Motherfucker yeah!” she shouts, making both girls behind her to spit out their drinks and Fluttershy to start coughing.

You slap your hand to your face, having failed your intent. Pinkie bounces past you as your drag the hand downward.

Once she leaves, you check to make sure she’s gone before moving over to the booths.

“W-what was that she said?” Twilight asks, her eyes wide and a blush on her cheeks. Fluttershy makes a small squeak after noticing your presence after wiping her face.

“That’s the new word she learned. Listen, just don’t let her know what it means, I’m trying to get her not to say it,” you explain.

“Alright. Where did she even learn something like that?” Twilight asks in disbelief.

You shift your eyes over to Fluttershy, still hiding behind her hair. “Yeah...it’s a mystery,” you comment before pushing yourself up. “Well, I better go catch her, bye,” you awkwardly finish before moving for the hallway.

Returning to the kitchen, you see Pinkie lightly gliding the icing over the cake. With her normally being bouncing off the walls, it’s odd to see her acting so calm and exact. Pinkie stops once she hears you enter and looks up excitedly.

“Oh, hey!” she says, placing the icing knife down and moving towards you. “I just wanted to say thanks for teaching me this fun new word!” she says with a large, innocent smile.

“Pinkie, about that word, you’re not really supposed to use it in polite conversation,” you say, trying not to dim her outlook.

She cocks her head to the side and gives you a confused look. “Polite company? You mean like at a party?” she asks before moving away.

“Yeah...sort of. Just don’t say it on purpose,” you explain, hoping she’ll understand.

“Oh, I think I understand,” she says with a sly wink. You narrow your eyes and she giggles as she moves back to the kitchen.

“You sure you understand?” you ask again, hoping she isn’t misconstruing something.

“Oh I understand perfectly. Perfect understander over here, buddy,” she says, giving you another large wink.

You really want to be suspicious of that behavior, but as far as you know that’s how Pinkie acts normally. She does appear to act this wacky when she’s being calm, so it must be that she’s actually understood.

Moving back to Twilight and Fluttershy, you tell them that the situation has been resolved. “That’s good to hear. We’ll just stay here for a bit until Pinkie gets off work,” Twilight tells you.

Going back to the fridge, you find a list of recipes and start to fulfil the orders that the Cakes had left you. The rest of the time goes by smoothly aside from the few times you and Pinkie would look at each other and she would wink.

Eventually, the Cakes return and give you both your pay for the day.

“We hope you both had a good day working without us,” Mrs. Cake adds cheerfully as she hands you your check.

“It sure was eventful,” you comment, glancing down at the paper.

“Sure was! It was motherfucking great!” Pinkie shouts before covering her mouth. The Cakes freeze their smiles in place, too shocked by the outburst to move. Pinkie moves over to you and pushes against your arm. “Oh, I’m sorry new guy, we were supposed to keep it secret weren’t we? Will it help you put the icing on next time?” she asks innocently.

You squeeze your eyes shut tight and try to wake up from the terrible dream. Opening your eyes again, you see the same frozen Mr. and Mrs. Cake staring at you two and realize it’s not some nightmare.

“Pinkie dear, you can go for today. We would like a word with our new employee here,” Mrs. Cake says with chill smile.

“Okie dokey! Thanks again for teaching me about that secret word, new guy!” Pinkie says as she waves goodbye.

You wave goodbye as well, hoping to be taken with her when you feel two hands press into your shoulders.


Twilight and Fluttershy move out of the little candy shop with Pinkie bouncing around them as they do. There could be seen the silhouette of the Cakes yelling at somebody through one of the curtain covered windows.

“So Pinkie, where do you want to go now that you’re off work?” Twilight asks her excited friend

“How about we go to the movies?” Pinkie asks.

“Sounds fun,” Fluttershy comments after being silent for so long.

“Great! Last one there is a rotten egg!” Pinkie challenges before bolting off in the direction of the theatre.

“Pinkie, wait! Well, there she goes,” Twilight comments with a content sigh. Both she and Fluttershy keep their regular walking pace, knowing full well they wouldn't beat Pinkie there anyway. “That new employee sure didn’t know how to handle Pinkie Pie. Guess we’ve all been there, right?” Twilight says with a laugh.

Fluttershy smiles before turning her head back to the candy shop. and staring for a small moment.

“Yeah...what a cock,” she comments in a whisper tone.

“Hmm? Did you say something Fluttershy?” Twilight asks, looking back to her friend.

“N-no,” Fluttershy replies meekly.

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Comments ( 60 )

I swear I've already read this. Might be a different story with the same premise though. Was amusing.

4859526 Just wrote this for a thread around 5 or 7 hours ago, so it's probably the same premise.

Hmm. I realize this is just a toss-off, so I'm not too worried about the narrator not being fleshed out too much. "New employee of the Cakes" is fine. But Pinkie seems way out of character, both for Equestria Girls and here. In EG, there's no indication that she works for the Cakes (even though I've done that in mine, since it's consistent with the show). And in both EG and FiM, she is just not that dumb. No baker would ever open and close a door repeatedly for 10 minutes--it's risking letting the cake fall. She's silly and random, but not stupid. And that took the edge off the main joke for me.

I like it even when fluttershy said a bad word nice touch

4859587 How would opening the door to the kitchen risk the cake falling?

Also, the her working for the Cakes thing is because this is the full human universe, not the exact canon of the movie.

I'm confused. Why did Fluttershy said the cock comment? Anyhow, the story made me laugh. It was nice.

4859620 I thought it'd be funny to have Fluttershy just curse because she whispers so much no one hears her.

Aw I just looked at the picture and it already wanna makes me read it! I'm so reading this... Brb for a few minutes :pinkiecrazy:

4859617 Drafts and pressure. Also, she's a good baker, if nothing else. It's just my take on it. She just seemed dumb in general. And Pinkie's not dumb.

Just read it and three words. It. Was. Bootiful. :rainbowlaugh:

4859637 But the cake was still baking in the closed oven when she did that stuff. Also, I know she's a good baker, I brought it up twice that she was way better than anon guessed she was.

4859634 I get that, I just wanted to know if she was insulting the guy or if she was ogling his crotch. Just out of curiosity, will there ever be a full story sequel with this guy again?

4859648 OK--it's just my opinion. I'm not going to insist that whatever I say is the Gospel According To Pinkie Characterization, and you're perfectly free to think:

4859658 Probably not.

This is just a one-shot I did at someone's request so I could get back into writing.

Haha nice I thought it was good

Holy #16 · Aug 16th, 2014 · · 8 ·

0/10 it was shit:derpytongue2:

Man, you really think this could pass as a story? Really? This thing? Well guess what
Yeah it was good.

Shit, nigga.

Unfathomably swear-filled. I could tell this was probably for shits and giggles.

Good work. :rainbowlaugh:

This was really terrible.

The character named "Pinkie Pie" in this story is completely, 100% unrecognizable as Pinkie Pie. There is literally nothing about this character that is in any way, shape, or form reminiscent of Pinkie Pie. I don't know who she is, but Pinkie Pie, she is not.

Also, while the joke of accidentally teaching an innocent a dirty word and then trying to cover it up with a handwave explanation that only leads to bigger trouble CAN be done well, in this story it just comes off as mean-spirited, "I don't want to be bothered with this" dickery on the part of the protagonist. As such, there's nothing funny about it.

The only thing about this story that's remotely enjoyable is the cover art. And even the cover art has nothing whatsoever to do with the story. It's just random human!Pinkie fanart you stole off deviantART.


No baker would ever open and close a door repeatedly for 10 minutes

Well, maybe she just has very bad OCD? :applejackunsure:

Unfaved. :unsuresweetie:

4860414 Well, I'm sorry you didn't like it.

I don't know, I guess I thought it was kind of funny. Didn't mean to make you mad or anything.

wow story this story doesnt suck

This is funny because,
You ripped off this story from. Kickass222urmom
You even ripped off the title.:rainbowhuh:

4860606 Again, this was a one-shot written at the prompt of an anon on the /mlp/ board. Here's a link to the thread: boards.4chan.org/mlp/thread/19260117#p19275954

So you had someone else steal your ideas for you? For shame, Story.:applejackunsure:

Been done, but ok.

4860640 Now now, there's no reason to be embarrassed about stealing an idea. Writers steal ideas all the time. James Cameron's Avatar is just Dances With Wolves with blue space catpeople. A Fistful of Dollars is just Yojimbo as a Western.

What IS embarrassing is when you steal an idea and use it to create something that's completely inferior and lackluster.

4860921 How does one steal an idea when they didn't know it even existed?

4860921 It was never my intention to steal this story though, so I disagree that you should judge me against that story which was clearly more thought out and planned.

“No, silly! I’m Gimli!”

I seee what you did there.

4860975 Oh, sorry...I wasn't referring to THIS story. I was talking about Avatar. :trollestia:

“Motherfucker! Motherfuck this, motherfuck that!” she half sings as she bounds her way out of the kitchen. You dash after her, but stop and look back at the cake.

this is what got me. but i swear i read this before somewhere...


:rainbowhuh: General this and commander that

Something else that rhymes with that?

Didn't mean too sound harsh, Nor intend too be a 'Douche Nozzle.' I guess when your having a bad day you short of become a A-hole unintended.

Your just a Author, Like all of us, And it's really not fair of me too criticize you nor your Art Work.

It's perfect! Amazing! Astonishing!:heart:

Heck! Great Minds think alike!
-Windchester :moustache:

Dear Story Man.

Hm, an interesting turn of events to say the least. I will admit it was one of the highlights of my day to read about Pinkie bounce around and yell the third most offensive curse word like a child. But any whozer, I felt that it was decently paced and well typed, save for a few grammatical errors, other then that your attempt at a non clop fic is a success in my book.

Yours Truly, The Cake Devil.

P.S. I always considered Avatar to be more of a Pocahontas rip off if anything, And if you want sheer rip offs you look at Kimba the White Lion and The Lion King.

4860640 Seeing as this is a written out version of a 4chan impromptu story is actually quite amazing, knowing the quality 4chan has to offer at times.
I wasn't able to read the original, since it's already been deleted. Thanks 4chan. :ajbemused:

But in the light of all that, some people here have a point.
The way Anon behaves towards Pinkie, using motherfucker, does seem mean-spirited or bothered to deal with it, just as MythrilMoth pointed out.
Same goes for the cover art, don't steal and if you do, at least have the decency to link to the artist's page. After all they probably spent more time on that image then you on this story.
As for the part about Pinkie's personal behavior, I am not saying anything. That's personal interpretation of a character which differs from person to person. I could see her acting like this, but at the same point I have reasons for the opposite as well.

4861515 But Avatar was a good movie though... unoriginal, weird, but still a good movie. :twilightsmile:

Pinkie Pie has some rude titties. :rainbowwild:

4867518 This is pretty close to the 4chn post. Just make the paragraphs green and you're there.
His lack of care at the start was kind of meant to be the attitude of someone who had just really burned their finger, but I can see how that might happen.
Also, I did put the source of the picture in, click it and it'll send you to their deviant art.

4868697 Fair enough, though it's still courtesy to mention the artist. It's just a few words in your describtion.

That was pretty funny, I won't lie. Liked.

Something wrong?

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