You sit on the counter watching through a small glass window as some batter slowly rises in a pan. Waiting for the cakes to actually finish baking had to be one of the most boring parts of your job. Watching each little bubble rise and pop as the yellow liquid slows and turns solid.
The family who owns the bakery, inexplicably named the Cakes, had hired you a while ago to help out with their other employee. Pinkie was an air-head if you’ve ever seen one. Not to say that she’s stupid, in fact it’s entirely possible that she’s very intelligent, but she was always distracted with other things.
“Hello again!” The girl shouts from the half-open doorway of the kitchen. This time, you didn’t even look. She’s been opening and closing that door for the past 10 minutes. Maybe it has something to do with the menial labour, maybe it’s the fact she’s this hyper at 6:00 AM, but you were not ready for this.
You took the time to remind yourself not to blame her too much. Some people are just excitable and happy seemingly all of the time, no matter how irritating that got.The Cakes had even told you about her and said she “was just innocent like that. She grew up on a farm you know.”
Which is fine in theory, but much harder to handle in practice. “Hey! Hey! Hey! New guy, hey!” Pinkie shouts as you rub your eyes. Slowly, you turn your tired head towards her.
Her hair long mess of poofy hair is wrapped around her face, giving the impression of a beard. “Hey, guess who I am!” she cheerfully demands.
You sigh before scratching your neck. “Santa Claus?” you ask after a few seconds.
“No, silly! I’m Gimli!” she says enthusiastically before finally entering the kitchen.
Turning back to the baking cake, you notice the timer had just passed the limit and quickly move to grab the oven gloves. Finding only one, you frantically search for it’s pair when you notice Pinkie wearing it on her head.
“Bawk, I’m a chicken!” she said, flapping her arms and imitating the flightless fowl.
“Give me that!” you say, quickly snatching the glove away from Pinkie.
Putting the glove on, you reach for the pan and start to pull it out. Unfortunately, there was an old worn hole in the right glove, making you burn your thumb. Your eyes shoot wide open as all the sleepiness from your body is vacuumed out in one movement.
“Motherfucker!” you cuss as you drop the pan onto the counter and clutch your hand. Pulling off the gloves, you blow cool air onto the burn and start sucking on your thumb to try and ease the pain.
“Motherfucker?” Pinkie asks, approaching the counter. She looks down at the pan before turning to your, her big blue eyes repeating the question for her.
Shaking off your hand, you try to figure out what was happening and not vent your frustration at her. Even though it totally is her fault. “You’ve never heard that word before?” you ask incredulously.
“I’ve heard the word mother before. Does that have something to do with it?” she asks with a large smile.
The Cakes had told you not to get too angry with her and try to act kid friendly when she was around on account of her simple upbringing. You figure that they meant she would get angry at you for not doing so, not that she doesn’t know that stuff to begin with. You were not in a mood to explain curse words though.
“It, uh, means exciting or crazy,” you try to push off on her.
“Really? What a fun word!” she replies with a big smile. Seeing her act so innocently did bring a small smile to your face. Despite all the annoying bounciness, she was pretty funny.
Turning back towards the cake, she looks at it determinedly. “Mmmmmmotherfucker!” she says suddenly.
Your smile drops. This didn’t look like it was going to turn out well. “Hey, Pinkie, that word is--” you start to explain before she bounces away.
“Motherfucker! Motherfuck this, motherfuck that!” she half sings as she bounds her way out of the kitchen. You dash after her, but stop and look back at the cake.
It would only take a little bit to get her back, you just had to tell her the truth before she did something drastic that might trace back to you.
“Hi Twilight! Hi Fluttershy!” you hear Pinkie yell from the main lobby. Damn she was fast.
Moving quickly down the hall after her, you hope you can make it in time before she says something that could get you in trouble. Reaching the end of the hall, you see her friends return Pinkie’s greeting and start to move to the booth seats.
“So, how’s your day been Pinkie?” Twilight asks as she starts to sit down. You basically know Twilight and Fluttershy at this point despite only working here a week. Twilight was an honor student who wore red glasses when reading. It sounds stalkerish at first, but anyone who was in the building the day Twilight took them out remembers Pinkie talking about it. She did so for 2 hours.
The girls take a seat while Pinkie stays standing, looking down at her friends excitedly. Fluttershy took notice of you and looks away sheepishly.
“Oh it’s been great! I learned a new word today! Hold on, let me get you guys some milkshakes,” Pinkie says before bouncing over to the dispenser near the ordering bar.
Moving towards her, you try to think of an excuse to get her not to say it, but before you can think of one she dashes away. Of course, the person who’s been working here for a few years can work fast.
“Thank you Pinkie,” Twilight says. Fluttershy looks like she mumbles something as well, but it was inaudible at your distance. “So, what’s this new word you learned?” Twilight asks, before taking a drink.
Thinking fast, you raise your arm up and move towards her. “Pinkie! Can you go and frost the cake I baked? I need to...get some boxes. For a...box...thing,” you say, losing faith in your own intelligence as you do.
Everyone stares at you for a moment, with Fluttershy even giving you a small look of pity for being more awkward than her. Pinkie instead smiles and pumps her arm in the air the same way you stupidly held it up.
“Like a box fort?” She asks excitedly. “Motherfucker yeah!” she shouts, making both girls behind her to spit out their drinks and Fluttershy to start coughing.
You slap your hand to your face, having failed your intent. Pinkie bounces past you as your drag the hand downward.
Once she leaves, you check to make sure she’s gone before moving over to the booths.
“W-what was that she said?” Twilight asks, her eyes wide and a blush on her cheeks. Fluttershy makes a small squeak after noticing your presence after wiping her face.
“That’s the new word she learned. Listen, just don’t let her know what it means, I’m trying to get her not to say it,” you explain.
“Alright. Where did she even learn something like that?” Twilight asks in disbelief.
You shift your eyes over to Fluttershy, still hiding behind her hair. “Yeah...it’s a mystery,” you comment before pushing yourself up. “Well, I better go catch her, bye,” you awkwardly finish before moving for the hallway.
Returning to the kitchen, you see Pinkie lightly gliding the icing over the cake. With her normally being bouncing off the walls, it’s odd to see her acting so calm and exact. Pinkie stops once she hears you enter and looks up excitedly.
“Oh, hey!” she says, placing the icing knife down and moving towards you. “I just wanted to say thanks for teaching me this fun new word!” she says with a large, innocent smile.
“Pinkie, about that word, you’re not really supposed to use it in polite conversation,” you say, trying not to dim her outlook.
She cocks her head to the side and gives you a confused look. “Polite company? You mean like at a party?” she asks before moving away.
“Yeah...sort of. Just don’t say it on purpose,” you explain, hoping she’ll understand.
“Oh, I think I understand,” she says with a sly wink. You narrow your eyes and she giggles as she moves back to the kitchen.
“You sure you understand?” you ask again, hoping she isn’t misconstruing something.
“Oh I understand perfectly. Perfect understander over here, buddy,” she says, giving you another large wink.
You really want to be suspicious of that behavior, but as far as you know that’s how Pinkie acts normally. She does appear to act this wacky when she’s being calm, so it must be that she’s actually understood.
Moving back to Twilight and Fluttershy, you tell them that the situation has been resolved. “That’s good to hear. We’ll just stay here for a bit until Pinkie gets off work,” Twilight tells you.
Going back to the fridge, you find a list of recipes and start to fulfil the orders that the Cakes had left you. The rest of the time goes by smoothly aside from the few times you and Pinkie would look at each other and she would wink.
Eventually, the Cakes return and give you both your pay for the day.
“We hope you both had a good day working without us,” Mrs. Cake adds cheerfully as she hands you your check.
“It sure was eventful,” you comment, glancing down at the paper.
“Sure was! It was motherfucking great!” Pinkie shouts before covering her mouth. The Cakes freeze their smiles in place, too shocked by the outburst to move. Pinkie moves over to you and pushes against your arm. “Oh, I’m sorry new guy, we were supposed to keep it secret weren’t we? Will it help you put the icing on next time?” she asks innocently.
You squeeze your eyes shut tight and try to wake up from the terrible dream. Opening your eyes again, you see the same frozen Mr. and Mrs. Cake staring at you two and realize it’s not some nightmare.
“Pinkie dear, you can go for today. We would like a word with our new employee here,” Mrs. Cake says with chill smile.
“Okie dokey! Thanks again for teaching me about that secret word, new guy!” Pinkie says as she waves goodbye.
You wave goodbye as well, hoping to be taken with her when you feel two hands press into your shoulders.
Twilight and Fluttershy move out of the little candy shop with Pinkie bouncing around them as they do. There could be seen the silhouette of the Cakes yelling at somebody through one of the curtain covered windows.
“So Pinkie, where do you want to go now that you’re off work?” Twilight asks her excited friend
“How about we go to the movies?” Pinkie asks.
“Sounds fun,” Fluttershy comments after being silent for so long.
“Great! Last one there is a rotten egg!” Pinkie challenges before bolting off in the direction of the theatre.
“Pinkie, wait! Well, there she goes,” Twilight comments with a content sigh. Both she and Fluttershy keep their regular walking pace, knowing full well they wouldn't beat Pinkie there anyway. “That new employee sure didn’t know how to handle Pinkie Pie. Guess we’ve all been there, right?” Twilight says with a laugh.
Fluttershy smiles before turning her head back to the candy shop. and staring for a small moment.
“Yeah...what a cock,” she comments in a whisper tone.
“Hmm? Did you say something Fluttershy?” Twilight asks, looking back to her friend.
“N-no,” Fluttershy replies meekly.